Drop Out of the 'Ain't It Awful' Club

Jack Canfield's Success Principle #25

This principle takes us into Part Two of The Success Principles, which is titled, Transform Yourself for Sucess. Part One focused on understanding the fundamentals of success. This section delves into specific ways that we can change ourselves in the process of achieving our goals.

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
This is a profound statement. We make sure that our kids spend time with other 'good kids,' but as adults, we may not be quite so careful about who we spend our time with. I realized this a while back and became more selective about who I hang out with.

We can find more successful people in a variety of places, such as:

-Professional associations;
-Professional conferences;
-Chamber of Commerce;
-Country club;
-Leadership positions;
-Kiwanis;
-Optimists International;
-Rotary Club;
-Volunteer positions in our religious organizations; and
-Networking groups.

We can atatend lectures, courses, seminars, clinics, and retreats that are taught by people who are already doing what we want to become. So, think about being the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Look for people who have a positive attitude and a solution-oriented approach to life.

Drop out of the 'Ain't it Awful' Club
When I was studying educational methods, my college advisor told me to avoid the teachers' lounge at all costs. It was, in her estimation, a hotbed of gossip.

In my first job, I found myself eating lunch with the other teachers in the lounge during the early weeks on the job. My advisor had been right: the only thing coming out of my colleagues' mouths were negative statements about the administration, their pay, their benefits, and the kids.

I never wanted to form a negative opinion about one of my students based on someone else's critical spirit, so I began spending my lunch breaks in my classroom. Soon, another teacher joined me, and we formed a wonderful friendship that was based on positive thinking and an attitude of helpfulness toward one another.

Be selective.
Make a list of all the people that you spend time with on a regular basis: family members, coworkers, neighbors, friends, acquaintances at church, and business associates.

Now, go back and put a minus sign (-) next to the people who are negative and toxic. Put a plus sign (+) next to people who are positive and nurturing.

Look over your list and see where there are patterns of negativity. Make a choice to stop spending time with those people who are sucking the life out of you.

For those of us who have been in abusive relationships, this process can be really difficult. Often, the most toxic people live with us. Even if it is impossible to completely avoid these energy vampires, we must severely decrease the amount of time we spend with them.

I have come to the realization that my mother can rob me within minutes of every ounce of energy I have spent a year building. Therefore, I do not answer the phone when she calls, read her emails, or even talk with others about her. In fact, I limit the amount of time I spend with my siblings, who expend a lot of their energy bringing up my mother's unhealthy lifestyle.

This was not an easy decision to make. The Bible tells us, "Honor your father and mother." (Matt 15:4) Avoiding my mother felt un-Biblical. But a Christian counselor helped me to see my relationship with my mother from another perspective.

God's Word also tells us, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14) We must guard our hearts and our minds from people who do not have in mind the things of God.

Surround yourself with successful people.
If we are going to become successful, we must begin to spend time with other successful people. We can ask them to share their secrets for success with us. Then, we can experiment with their suggestions. We can read what they read, and consider new ideas. If the new ideas work for us, we can incorporate them into our success strategies. If they don't work, we can move on and keep asking others.

Today's Challenge
Think about people you know who are always blaming someone else for their problems. Consider the people who do nothing but complain about the economy, their health, their spouses, and life in general. Stop giving away your precious time and energy to them! Make a list of five successful people you would like to know better, and call one of them today.