Develop Higher Self-Esteem

Yesterday, we learned that low self-esteem is frequently caused by childhood abuse, criticism, or brainwashing. If we were told that we're stupid, ugly, or bad often enough, we develop a false perception of ourselves. Today, we discover some simple steps to boost our self-esteem so that we can more easily forgive.

Consider the true origins of low self-esteem.
Most researchers of low self-esteem go back to classic psychology, claiming that a lack of nurturing at early stages hinders our sense of self. If we understand that our parents, teachers, siblings, and childhood friends failed to provide what we needed to become confident people, we must fill in the gaps now.

If there's a voice in your head telling you that you're fat, take time to listen. Is it your own voice speaking the truth, or is it your mother's or your friend's criticism that you're hearing? If the voice is telling you lies, tell it to be quiet, and start telling yourself more positive things with love.

Take care of your appearance.
When we allow our appearance to slip, we give a foothold to lower self-esteem. So take time today to get a haircut, buy a new outfit, put on make-up, or have a complete make-over. When we look sharp, we feel sharp.

Learn to accept compliments.
Most of us with low self-esteem dwell on the criticisms that we receive, instead of basking in the light of compliments. Instead of discounting the next compliment you receive, smile at the giver and thank them. Then take delight in knowing that you did something well.

Stop being a perfectionist.
There is a myth that people with low self-esteem believe: if our efforts are not 100% perfect, they're a complete failure. Harsh criticism in childhood or marriage can lead to this unhealthy way of looking at our lives.

We can give ourselves a break from perfectionism by looking at our undertakings and giving ourselves a less than perfect score. Honestly assess today a project you have finished, a meal you have prepared, or a conversation you have had with someone. Would you rate it 50%, 75% or 80% successful? Nothing we do is ever 100%, because Jesus is the only human who was ever perfect.

The Hopi Indians actually wove a mistake into their blankets on purpose. Doing so reminded them that there is only One who is perfect and kept them humble about their own enterprises.

Find a bigger purpose.
When we take the focus off of ourselves and the myth that we must be perfect, we can find something to do that serves others. When we embrace a challenge, and experience success at it, our self-esteem soars.

I began leading a quilting ministry at our church two years ago. No one, including me, knew how to make quilts; but we were willing to work at learning. About 20 people got together and were able to finish nearly two dozen quilts in one day! All of the quilts were given to the local hospital to comfort terminally ill patients.

Since that time, participants in this ministry report that they enjoy much higher self-esteem than they did when we first started. With each new challenge, they experience greater success. As a result, they feel good about themselves and are willing to take on ever more challenging projects.

Start writing positive affirmations about your successes.
Yesterday, we learned that generalized positive affirmations can actually make our self-esteem worse. These statements (I am pretty, I am smart, I am good) don't work, because our brain tells us that they're lies.

Positive affirmations can work if we write them after we have achieved success. For example, if the quilters in my group wrote before they learned any skills, "I am a skillful quilter," the voices in their heads would have been saying, "No, you're not!" Their brains could not accept the statement, because it was not true.

However, after the quilters did acquire some skills, they could write, "I can cut fabric strips accurately," and the voices in their heads would agree. Reading positive affirmations about what we already do with ease causes our self-esteem to rise.

Quit magnifying things that go wrong.
When we make a mistake, we must be careful that we don't globalize it to a larger area of our lives. For example, if one of the quilters sewed a piece of fabric wrong side up, a globalized thought would be, "I ruined this quilt, therefore, I'm a worthless volunteer."

A healthier perspective on this type of mistake would lead to a statement such as, "I sewed one piece of fabric the wrong way. I can rip out the seam and fix it. My volunteer efforts are appreciated."

Develop an alternative opinion of yourself.
It's pretty clear to me that the best way to increase self-esteem is to find ways to create personally meaningful experiences. For each person, this may be something unique. One may find success in volunteering, gardening, painting, or many other undertakings.

Out of our successes, we can take greater pride in ourselves. Each time we do something of which we are proud, we can enjoy increased self-confidence. And this greater confidence gives us the courage to try ever greater challenges. As this cycle continues, our self-esteem grows.

God's Word provides the secret to higher self-esteem.
The next time someone asks you to do something, and you feel ill-equipped to perform the task, remember this line from the Bible: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

When you feel your confidence slipping, turn to God's Word. There are many encouraging verses like this one which indicate that we can overcome low self-esteem by rising up to meet new challenges. By acting on faith (not really knowing the outcome), we allow God to equip us and bring about successes that foster greater confidence.

Today's Challenge
Look in the mirror and make an honest assessment of your appearace. Do you need a haircut? Could you stand to lose some weight? Are your clothes outdated? Choose one thing that you can change today, and take that first step toward improving your appearance so that your self-esteem has a chance to grow.