My series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, offers survivors of abuse and trauma an opportunity to find healing through forgiving others. For the past week, we have been discovering that the best way to learn how to forgive is to look at our own faults and our need for forgiveness. So, today we consider asking someone to forgive us.
How hard can it be to say I'm sorry?
If we have been victims of long-term abuse, it can be almost impossible to admit to another human being that we have made a mistake. In an abusive relationship, such admissions open us up to further abuse.
So, we learn self-preservation by never admitting our wrongs. And we certainly never, ever tell our abuser that we're sorry...unless he's twisting our arm and threatening worse if we don't say those words that we really don't mean.
And after our abusers extract an apology from us, they feel empowered once again. Within days, hours, or minutes, they are back at us with more of the same torture we endured earlier. It's no wonder that we swallow hard and think twice before offering anyone an apology.
We need to learn that it's okay to apologize to some people.
The next step on the road to forgiving others is to ask someone to forgive us. I believe this is the hardest step of all, because it's the riskiest for survivors of abuse.
Let's begin with one important point: the first person to forgive face-to-face should not be the enemy who abused or traumatized us. Like any new learning, that kind of forgiveness begins with baby steps.
So we need to think about someone we have wronged, and we need to consider how we are going to apologize and ask for forgiveness. By beginning with someone safe, we can experience what it feels like to admit our mistake, apologize, and ask for forgiveness. From a normal person, we can expect understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness.
My forgiveness journey began with Joe.
When I married Joe, I don't think I had ever sincerely apologized to anyone in my life. Abuse had ground out any thought of admitting my faults to anyone. So you can imagine my surprise when Joe made mistakes, came to me to admit them, and asked me to forgive him. In the beginning, it was extremely difficult for me to extend forgiveness to him, in spite of the fact that he was apologizing without any pressure from me.
What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just say I forgave Joe? I realized that in an abusive relationship, the minute an abuser offers us an apology, the cycle of abuse begins again. Like Pavlov's dogs, I had been trained to expect abuse if I ever traveled down the road of forgiveness. I couldn't offer it to anyone, and I couldn't ask for it.
Learn to see forgiveness through your enemy's eyes.
We can see by my experience why it may be so difficult for our enemies to ask us for our forgiveness. Perhaps they were abused as children and learned that admitting mistakes brought on more abuse. Maybe no one ever modeled forgiveness for them.
Model forgiveness for your enemy.
Instead of waiting for our enemies to apologize to us, we can make the best move by extending apologies to others. If our perpetrator is within view of us, he may begin to witness forgiveness at work in our lives when we:
1) admit our mistakes to others;
2) apologize;
3) ask for forgiveness; and
4) accept the grace of someone else's forgiveness.
Don't confuse forgiveness with reconciliation.
In most instances, this four-step process will lead to something that everyone confuses with forgiveness: reconciliation. That means we patch up our differences with someone, and we renew the relationship that was upset by whatever we did wrong.
Reconciliation is the number one reason, in my opinion, that survivors of abuse and trauma cannot forgive. They wrongly believe that forgiving means reconciling. If you don't get anything else out of this series, please read the next sentence carefully. Forgiving does not always entail reconciling. We'll learn more about reconciliation on Friday.
Asking for forgiveness helps us to grow.
Over the years, I have learned that forgiving Joe does not result in his abusing me. In fact, it draws us closer together. Because through our mistakes and apologies, we have learned how to conduct ourselves better as marriage partners. Forgiveness has helped us to grow.
Watching how Joe offered forgiveness taught me how to do it, too. It was not easy to learn that I could admit my mistakes, but Joe was patient with me and readily offered grace when I needed it. Without the baby steps of practicing forgiveness with Joe, I could never have reached the point where I am today with others who have hurt me more seriously.
So, if we recognize that we have broken our relationship with God by sinning, we can learn to admit our mistakes to God and to others. When we are living in safe relationships, we may learn new ways to apologize and ask others to forgive us. Tomorrow, we'll learn the importance of offering restitution to those whom we have hurt.
Today's Challenge
Are you a survivor like me who is terrified of extending forgiveness when someone apologizes to you? Are you fearful that admitting your faults and asking for forgiveness will bring about more abuse? If you're in an abusive situation, get to a safe place. Then, start practicing the habits of extending forgiveness and asking for it with people who are capable of doing the same.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The Only Person You Can Change is You
We are drawing close to the end of our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Along the way, we have learned about how abuse and trauma changes us, how God plays an important role in the process, and how imperative it is for us to learn about our own need for forgiveness.
When we recognize the difference between righteousness and sin, we are better able to look within and see that we have faults, just as the person we need to forgive does. Different faults, but faults, nonetheless.
If we can admit that we have problems, ask God to forgive us, and accept his grace, we are poised to consider how we might change. And change we must, if we ever want to forgive.
Let go and let God.
For many of us who are survivors, we cling to unforgiveness, because it's the only way we believe that we can control the situation and force our perpetrators to change. We wrongly believe that if we withhold forgiveness, the other person will apologize and set things right. This is not how forgiveness works. God is the only one who can measure out just the right doses of justice and grace. We must let go so that God can work in the situation.
Change yourself, not your enemy.
We must initiate deep and lasting changes within ourselves. When we do, if our enemy is capable of change, he will respond. Waiting for him to make the first move leaves us holding onto bitterness that serves only to hurt us.
If the person who has hurt us is what I would call toxic, he may never change. In cases like this, why would we want to remain involved in the process of reforming him? To me, this seems about as smart as swimming with crocodiles. Get out of the water and let God deal with truly toxic people.
What kind of change do we need?
When it seems unclear how we are supposed to go about changing, I think that the best place to look is at God. We've already learned about his character. By imitating him, we find the change within ourselves that creates peace.
I go back constantly to Galatians 5:22 (NIV): But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. When we get to the point of living where those adjectives describe us, we're finally on the right path toward forgiving.
Old habits die hard.
This degree of change within ourselves is not easy. Like all humans, we are creatures of habit. And habits die hard.
For instance, my doctor recently put me on a rotation diet so that I can overcome numerous food allergies. This is not an easy way of life, because the diet demands that I eat only certain foods on particular days.
To follow this diet, I had to go through my pantry, cupboards, fridge, and freezer. I gave away or threw out bags of food and arranged what was left in groupings that help me follow the meal plans.
This diet made me think about how profound our change of heart must be to reach a point of forgiving. It's not a quick fix, and it takes a lot of determination and learning to get to a point of success. More importantly, it has to become a way of life in order to work.
Through my diet, I am hoping to overcome my body's reactions to foods. Through my prayer time and Bible study, I hope to become so much like Jesus Christ that I get to a point of being able to forgive the people who have hurt me the most.
Let go of pride (the need to control), and the rest is easy.
Jesus said in Matthew 18:3-4 (NIV), "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
Before I began working on this series, I thought I understood how to get from beginning to end in the journey of forgiveness. God has showed me a better route than the one I had mapped out. The solution to the problems of bitterness, anger, revenge, and hatred lies in one change: humility.
As noted in the above passage, unless we become as humble as little children, we'll never be able to truly forgive. And if we can't forgive, we may wind up outside of God's kingdom forever. That thought keeps me focused on finding a way to forgive, no matter how difficult the journey may get.
Today's Challenge
What do you need to change about yourself in order to forgive? Are you able to let go now so that God can deal with your enemy? Tell God today that you are ready to release the person who hurt you. By giving your enemy to God, you will finally show by your actions that you trust God enough to take care of the outcome.
When we recognize the difference between righteousness and sin, we are better able to look within and see that we have faults, just as the person we need to forgive does. Different faults, but faults, nonetheless.
If we can admit that we have problems, ask God to forgive us, and accept his grace, we are poised to consider how we might change. And change we must, if we ever want to forgive.
Let go and let God.
For many of us who are survivors, we cling to unforgiveness, because it's the only way we believe that we can control the situation and force our perpetrators to change. We wrongly believe that if we withhold forgiveness, the other person will apologize and set things right. This is not how forgiveness works. God is the only one who can measure out just the right doses of justice and grace. We must let go so that God can work in the situation.
Change yourself, not your enemy.
We must initiate deep and lasting changes within ourselves. When we do, if our enemy is capable of change, he will respond. Waiting for him to make the first move leaves us holding onto bitterness that serves only to hurt us.
If the person who has hurt us is what I would call toxic, he may never change. In cases like this, why would we want to remain involved in the process of reforming him? To me, this seems about as smart as swimming with crocodiles. Get out of the water and let God deal with truly toxic people.
What kind of change do we need?
When it seems unclear how we are supposed to go about changing, I think that the best place to look is at God. We've already learned about his character. By imitating him, we find the change within ourselves that creates peace.
I go back constantly to Galatians 5:22 (NIV): But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. When we get to the point of living where those adjectives describe us, we're finally on the right path toward forgiving.
Old habits die hard.
This degree of change within ourselves is not easy. Like all humans, we are creatures of habit. And habits die hard.
For instance, my doctor recently put me on a rotation diet so that I can overcome numerous food allergies. This is not an easy way of life, because the diet demands that I eat only certain foods on particular days.
To follow this diet, I had to go through my pantry, cupboards, fridge, and freezer. I gave away or threw out bags of food and arranged what was left in groupings that help me follow the meal plans.
This diet made me think about how profound our change of heart must be to reach a point of forgiving. It's not a quick fix, and it takes a lot of determination and learning to get to a point of success. More importantly, it has to become a way of life in order to work.
Through my diet, I am hoping to overcome my body's reactions to foods. Through my prayer time and Bible study, I hope to become so much like Jesus Christ that I get to a point of being able to forgive the people who have hurt me the most.
Let go of pride (the need to control), and the rest is easy.
Jesus said in Matthew 18:3-4 (NIV), "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
Before I began working on this series, I thought I understood how to get from beginning to end in the journey of forgiveness. God has showed me a better route than the one I had mapped out. The solution to the problems of bitterness, anger, revenge, and hatred lies in one change: humility.
As noted in the above passage, unless we become as humble as little children, we'll never be able to truly forgive. And if we can't forgive, we may wind up outside of God's kingdom forever. That thought keeps me focused on finding a way to forgive, no matter how difficult the journey may get.
Today's Challenge
What do you need to change about yourself in order to forgive? Are you able to let go now so that God can deal with your enemy? Tell God today that you are ready to release the person who hurt you. By giving your enemy to God, you will finally show by your actions that you trust God enough to take care of the outcome.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Accept God's Grace Today
This marks our final week in this series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Last time, we learned about the importance of asking God to forgive us through daily prayer. Today, we focus on the next step along our journey toward forgiving others: accepting God's grace.
Remember grace?
In a previous post, we learned that God's grace is his goodness toward us, even when we deserve punishment. We cannot earn grace, because it is a gift freely given by God to all sinners who believe in Jesus.
Saving grace comes to us when we express our faith in Christ. Sanctifying grace falls on us daily as we pray for forgiveness of our wrongs. When we learn to accept God's grace on a daily basis, we grow by leaps and bounds in our spiritual life.
God gives grace, but we have to accept it.
Imagine a giant merchandise catalog or internet site full of free gifts. In order to receive whatever you wanted, all you had to do was provide your address. Within days, a package would arrive on your doorstep. No costs, no strings attached, just a free gift for the taking. This is how grace works. God is waiting to give it to anyone, just for asking.
If you did have an opportunity to place an order from such a catalog, would you tell the delivery person on your doorstep to take it away? Would you leave the package on your front porch, unopened? Of course, not! You would accept the package and then rip into it to see what kind of wonderful gift awaited you.
Unfortunately, many survivors of abuse and trauma turn down God's gift of grace. Why? There are one of three explanations that I can see. One, they really haven't come to a point of completely admitting their own faults, so they don't see a need for God's grace. Two, they feel so guilty and ashamed, they can't bring themselves to open the door and accept God's gift. Or three, they've been so hurt, their anger toward God prevents them from taking what he has to offer.
I turned down God's gift.
As I was contemplating divorcing my abusive first husband, a minister at my church told me that if I didn't stay and put up with my husband abusing my children and me, we would all go to hell. He quoted Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV) to me:
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
This Scripture passage is an important one in the process of forgiving. Unfortunately, this minister confused reconciliation with forgiveness. Living in an abusive situation is never a wise idea. We can forgive people who have abused us, but we should not put ourselves in harm's way in the process. It is better to remove ourselves from the situation so that we can work through forgiving our abusers from a distance. In my own experience, total and lasting forgiveness is difficult to achieve when we live with someone who constantly abuses us.
That minister made me feel so guilty, I could barely function. Like me, many victims of abuse get guilt heaped on them by outsiders as they consider leaving an unsafe situation.
I finally realized that I could not believe in a God who expected me to put up with abuse. In order to break free from my first husband, I had to release myself from the bonds with the angry God who only wanted to see me punished. I stopped going to church, praying, or reading the Bible.
Inevitably, depression set in. Without God, the world becomes a very dark place. As a former Stephen Minister, I knew that I needed support. So, I called a church where I was not a member and requested assistance.
For many months, a Stephen Minister came to my house to listen to me talking about the abuse, the divorce, my inability to connect with God, and all of the other issues that go along with surviving abuse. She was incredibly patient with me and let me talk until there were no more words remaining.
I recall telling her that I felt as if I had jumped off a cliff, and I was about to splat at the bottom of a rocky ravine. She smiled at me and said, "That's one way of looking at it. How about thinking that if you've jumped off a cliff, God has given you wings to fly?"
She rarely said much during our meetings, but that simple statement really got me thinking. I began to see that without God, my life seemed completely hopeless. She opened my eyes to the truth that by accepting God's grace, my life could be incredibly exciting and full of promise.
That night, I asked God to forgive me for the months I had spent burning with anger toward him. I talked to him freely about everything surrounding the divorce, asking him to forgive me for whatever part I had played in causing my marriage to fail. For the first time ever, I waited after praying for God's response. An icredible sense of peace washed over me as I felt God's goodness flowing to me.
God has a gift for you.
God had been waiting all along with his gift of grace. I just needed to accept it to complete my own forgiveness. He's got the same gift waiting for every person who expresses regret over avoiding him. Whether our rejection of God's love and his gift of grace stems from pride, guilt, shame, or anger; it's never too late to say that we're ready to accept it. For both survivors of abuse and trauma, such as the tsunami in Japan, there is hope, because God's goodness is available to all of us.
We're one step closer.
We are almost at the end of our journey, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. When we admit our own mistakes, ask God to forgive us, and accept his grace; we are one step closer to forgiving that person who deeply hurt us. Tomorrow, we'll learn about where the road takes us after we finally accept God's grace for ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Have you expressed your faith in Jesus Christ yet? If so, have you been asking God daily to forgive you? Have you felt the peace that comes with accepting his free gift of grace? Write in your journal how that feels. If you haven't arrived at this point yet, write down why you are rejecting God. Ask him to help you remove that roadblock.
Remember grace?
In a previous post, we learned that God's grace is his goodness toward us, even when we deserve punishment. We cannot earn grace, because it is a gift freely given by God to all sinners who believe in Jesus.
Saving grace comes to us when we express our faith in Christ. Sanctifying grace falls on us daily as we pray for forgiveness of our wrongs. When we learn to accept God's grace on a daily basis, we grow by leaps and bounds in our spiritual life.
God gives grace, but we have to accept it.
Imagine a giant merchandise catalog or internet site full of free gifts. In order to receive whatever you wanted, all you had to do was provide your address. Within days, a package would arrive on your doorstep. No costs, no strings attached, just a free gift for the taking. This is how grace works. God is waiting to give it to anyone, just for asking.
If you did have an opportunity to place an order from such a catalog, would you tell the delivery person on your doorstep to take it away? Would you leave the package on your front porch, unopened? Of course, not! You would accept the package and then rip into it to see what kind of wonderful gift awaited you.
Unfortunately, many survivors of abuse and trauma turn down God's gift of grace. Why? There are one of three explanations that I can see. One, they really haven't come to a point of completely admitting their own faults, so they don't see a need for God's grace. Two, they feel so guilty and ashamed, they can't bring themselves to open the door and accept God's gift. Or three, they've been so hurt, their anger toward God prevents them from taking what he has to offer.
I turned down God's gift.
As I was contemplating divorcing my abusive first husband, a minister at my church told me that if I didn't stay and put up with my husband abusing my children and me, we would all go to hell. He quoted Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV) to me:
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
This Scripture passage is an important one in the process of forgiving. Unfortunately, this minister confused reconciliation with forgiveness. Living in an abusive situation is never a wise idea. We can forgive people who have abused us, but we should not put ourselves in harm's way in the process. It is better to remove ourselves from the situation so that we can work through forgiving our abusers from a distance. In my own experience, total and lasting forgiveness is difficult to achieve when we live with someone who constantly abuses us.
That minister made me feel so guilty, I could barely function. Like me, many victims of abuse get guilt heaped on them by outsiders as they consider leaving an unsafe situation.
I finally realized that I could not believe in a God who expected me to put up with abuse. In order to break free from my first husband, I had to release myself from the bonds with the angry God who only wanted to see me punished. I stopped going to church, praying, or reading the Bible.
Inevitably, depression set in. Without God, the world becomes a very dark place. As a former Stephen Minister, I knew that I needed support. So, I called a church where I was not a member and requested assistance.
For many months, a Stephen Minister came to my house to listen to me talking about the abuse, the divorce, my inability to connect with God, and all of the other issues that go along with surviving abuse. She was incredibly patient with me and let me talk until there were no more words remaining.
I recall telling her that I felt as if I had jumped off a cliff, and I was about to splat at the bottom of a rocky ravine. She smiled at me and said, "That's one way of looking at it. How about thinking that if you've jumped off a cliff, God has given you wings to fly?"
She rarely said much during our meetings, but that simple statement really got me thinking. I began to see that without God, my life seemed completely hopeless. She opened my eyes to the truth that by accepting God's grace, my life could be incredibly exciting and full of promise.
That night, I asked God to forgive me for the months I had spent burning with anger toward him. I talked to him freely about everything surrounding the divorce, asking him to forgive me for whatever part I had played in causing my marriage to fail. For the first time ever, I waited after praying for God's response. An icredible sense of peace washed over me as I felt God's goodness flowing to me.
God has a gift for you.
God had been waiting all along with his gift of grace. I just needed to accept it to complete my own forgiveness. He's got the same gift waiting for every person who expresses regret over avoiding him. Whether our rejection of God's love and his gift of grace stems from pride, guilt, shame, or anger; it's never too late to say that we're ready to accept it. For both survivors of abuse and trauma, such as the tsunami in Japan, there is hope, because God's goodness is available to all of us.
We're one step closer.
We are almost at the end of our journey, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. When we admit our own mistakes, ask God to forgive us, and accept his grace; we are one step closer to forgiving that person who deeply hurt us. Tomorrow, we'll learn about where the road takes us after we finally accept God's grace for ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Have you expressed your faith in Jesus Christ yet? If so, have you been asking God daily to forgive you? Have you felt the peace that comes with accepting his free gift of grace? Write in your journal how that feels. If you haven't arrived at this point yet, write down why you are rejecting God. Ask him to help you remove that roadblock.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Ask God to Forgive You
Over the course of my series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, we have learned how abuse or trauma has left us broken. We have studied God's character so that we can imitate him. Yesterday, we looked into our own character and asked God to reveal our faults. Today, we take the next step on the road to forgiveness by asking God to forgive us.
The Lord's Prayer
All of us are guilty of sinning. Therefore, we need to go to God daily to ask him for forgiveness. When someone asked how we are supposed to pray, Jesus gave us the model for prayer known as The Lord's Prayer:
You should pray like this: Our Father in heaven, help us to honor your name. Come and set up your kingdom, so that everyone on earth will obey you, as you are obeyed in heaven. Give us our food for today. Forgive us for doing wrong, as we forgive others. Matthew 6:9-12 (CEV)
There are two types of forgiveness prayers.
We learned earlier that God's grace provides us with salvation from eternal punishment when we say that we believe in Jesus as our savior. When we arrive at the point of surrendering control of our lives to Christ, we pray for forgiveness so that we might be saved. We only need to pray for that type of forgiveness once. We need just one salvation, and we can never lose it unless we later denounce God the Father, Son, or Holy Spirit.
Let me simplify this concept for you. If we love someone and desire to marry them, we go to a person licensed by the state to join us as husband and wife. There is no need to return daily, weekly, or annually to that officiant to be married over and over. Once is enough. The same is true of our adoption into God's family. One prayer asking for forgiveness and surrendering control is adequate.
The second type of forgiveness prayer does need to occur daily. The Bible clearly tells us in the passage above that we need to talk to God daily. During our time with him, we need to ask him to forgive us for our daily sins so that we can also forgive others.
This type of forgiveness prayer is designed to help us restore our relationship with God each day. Because if we're all sinners, we're constantly breaking down that relationship.
To clarify this, we can think again of the marriage model. We don't need to find someone daily to re-marry us to our spouses. But we do need to tell our spouses daily that we love them. Imagine how difficult it would be to remain in a relationship with a spouse that you never talked to, never spent time with, never loved, or never apologized to. Such a marriage would be unbearable.
God loves us and wants to have a close, vital relationship with us every day. If we fail to go to him to confess our faults, we create a really strained and distant relationship with him that lacks the peace we are seeking.
Sometimes, we can't identify our sins.
There will be times when we can't identify any sin in ourselves. This does not mean that we are sin-free. It simply means that we need to spend more time reflecting on who we truly are. Scripture clearly tells us that we are liars if we claim to be without sin:
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. (I John 1:8-10 NIV)
Even when we can't see any sin in ourselves, it is still present. By following the discipline of daily prayer, asking God to forgive us, we put ourselves into a closer relationship with him.
Our own forgiveness comes before we can forgive our enemies.
We must ask for our own forgiveness before we can fully forgive the person who has hurt us. Why? If we don't understand the process of our own forgiveness, we can't possibly understand what is expected of our enemies.
If we don't personally experience the forgiveness of our own sins, and we expect our enemies to apologize to us on our terms; all we're really looking for is control over the situation. Our pride demands that our enemy gives us back the power that we lost so that we can continue to feel superior toward him.
By fully recognizing God's righteousness and our own faults, we see that all people need forgiveness. We level the playing field so that we are no longer superior to anyone in need of forgiveness, including that person who has hurt us most deeply.
God showed me where I was wrong.
The image of my father being taken away in handcuffs will forever be imprinted in my mind. At that moment, I realized that all of us deserve punishment for our sins. God's angels could be taking me away in cuffs to spend eternity separated from God. The only difference between my father and me is that he committed a sin that also happened to break a law.
God has used my father's crimes and his sentencing to reveal to me my sin of pride. This new understanding of my own faults has drastically changed the way I look at myself and the process of forgiving. Until God revealed this flaw to me, I was stuck in the forgiveness process. What's holding you back from forgiving?
Today's ChallengeIf there is something keeping you from forgiving an enemy, ask God to reveal your own sin. When he does, admit it to God and ask for his forgiveness. As soon as you do, peace will flow into your life, as it has in mine.
The Lord's Prayer
All of us are guilty of sinning. Therefore, we need to go to God daily to ask him for forgiveness. When someone asked how we are supposed to pray, Jesus gave us the model for prayer known as The Lord's Prayer:
You should pray like this: Our Father in heaven, help us to honor your name. Come and set up your kingdom, so that everyone on earth will obey you, as you are obeyed in heaven. Give us our food for today. Forgive us for doing wrong, as we forgive others. Matthew 6:9-12 (CEV)
There are two types of forgiveness prayers.
We learned earlier that God's grace provides us with salvation from eternal punishment when we say that we believe in Jesus as our savior. When we arrive at the point of surrendering control of our lives to Christ, we pray for forgiveness so that we might be saved. We only need to pray for that type of forgiveness once. We need just one salvation, and we can never lose it unless we later denounce God the Father, Son, or Holy Spirit.
Let me simplify this concept for you. If we love someone and desire to marry them, we go to a person licensed by the state to join us as husband and wife. There is no need to return daily, weekly, or annually to that officiant to be married over and over. Once is enough. The same is true of our adoption into God's family. One prayer asking for forgiveness and surrendering control is adequate.
The second type of forgiveness prayer does need to occur daily. The Bible clearly tells us in the passage above that we need to talk to God daily. During our time with him, we need to ask him to forgive us for our daily sins so that we can also forgive others.
This type of forgiveness prayer is designed to help us restore our relationship with God each day. Because if we're all sinners, we're constantly breaking down that relationship.
To clarify this, we can think again of the marriage model. We don't need to find someone daily to re-marry us to our spouses. But we do need to tell our spouses daily that we love them. Imagine how difficult it would be to remain in a relationship with a spouse that you never talked to, never spent time with, never loved, or never apologized to. Such a marriage would be unbearable.
God loves us and wants to have a close, vital relationship with us every day. If we fail to go to him to confess our faults, we create a really strained and distant relationship with him that lacks the peace we are seeking.
Sometimes, we can't identify our sins.
There will be times when we can't identify any sin in ourselves. This does not mean that we are sin-free. It simply means that we need to spend more time reflecting on who we truly are. Scripture clearly tells us that we are liars if we claim to be without sin:
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. (I John 1:8-10 NIV)
Even when we can't see any sin in ourselves, it is still present. By following the discipline of daily prayer, asking God to forgive us, we put ourselves into a closer relationship with him.
Our own forgiveness comes before we can forgive our enemies.
We must ask for our own forgiveness before we can fully forgive the person who has hurt us. Why? If we don't understand the process of our own forgiveness, we can't possibly understand what is expected of our enemies.
If we don't personally experience the forgiveness of our own sins, and we expect our enemies to apologize to us on our terms; all we're really looking for is control over the situation. Our pride demands that our enemy gives us back the power that we lost so that we can continue to feel superior toward him.
By fully recognizing God's righteousness and our own faults, we see that all people need forgiveness. We level the playing field so that we are no longer superior to anyone in need of forgiveness, including that person who has hurt us most deeply.
God showed me where I was wrong.
The image of my father being taken away in handcuffs will forever be imprinted in my mind. At that moment, I realized that all of us deserve punishment for our sins. God's angels could be taking me away in cuffs to spend eternity separated from God. The only difference between my father and me is that he committed a sin that also happened to break a law.
God has used my father's crimes and his sentencing to reveal to me my sin of pride. This new understanding of my own faults has drastically changed the way I look at myself and the process of forgiving. Until God revealed this flaw to me, I was stuck in the forgiveness process. What's holding you back from forgiving?
Today's ChallengeIf there is something keeping you from forgiving an enemy, ask God to reveal your own sin. When he does, admit it to God and ask for his forgiveness. As soon as you do, peace will flow into your life, as it has in mine.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Admit Your Faults
We continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Now that we have learned how to recognize both righteousness and sin, we move on today with a look into our own faults. Recognizing that we are not perfect takes us one step closer to forgiving our enemies who have abused or traumatized us.
Forgiveness is impossible without humility.
If we want to forgive someone, we cannot keep an attitude of pride or superiority toward them. If we approach forgiveness with our noses in the air, we either make our enemies defensive, or we make them feel insignificant. Neither outcome is pleasing to God, who calls us to love one another.
I Peter 5:5 (NIV) tells us, All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." We can see that our efforts to forgive will be opposed by God if we approach the process with prideful attitudes. Our efforts are backed up by God's grace is we approach forgiveness with humility.
Stop judging your enemy.
There is an old saying that whenever we point a finger at someone, there are three others pointing back at us. We cannot forgive if we are focused on our enemy's sins. Jesus said in Matthew 7:3-5 (NIV):
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
Beginning today, stop thinking about and clinging to all of the things that your enemy did to hurt you. Release these bitter thoughts to God and focus, instead, on the sweetness of his love for you.
Start examining yourself.
Lamentations 3:40 (NIV) reads, Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. Before any of us can forgive, we must look deep within to examine the condition of our own hearts. We are all sinners, and those of us who have suffered abuse or trauma generally carry with us sins such as anger, revenge, pride, and hatred.
I am not asking you to examine yourself to see if you have any sin. I'm asking you to look into your soul to see which sins need to be addressed. Through prayer, ask God to reveal your sins to you. Ask a trusted friend or your spouse what sins they see in you.
Admit your sins to God.
After you have identified which sins are hindering you from forgiving, admit them to God. He already knows what they are, but confessing them to him will relieve you of the burden of carrying them around.
Tell God that you have made a mess of your life and that you cannot manage it any longer. Ask him to lead you. Then pray that God will give you the good sense to follow him, rather than expecting him to act like a genie in a bottle whenever you need him to carry out a task for you. Remember, Christianity is about learning how to be a follower, not the leader. Leading is God's job, not ours.
Tell one other person about your sins.
We are not required to go to confession to have our sins forgiven. Jesus' death on the cross and resurrection gave us full access to him. However, I believe that telling someone whom we can trust about our faults gives us a great deal of leverage against sin. With an accountability partner knowing about our shortcomings, we have greater power through their prayers and encouragement.
Admitting our own faults is an important step in the forgiveness process. Why? Because we expect our enemies to admit their faults to us. And if we're going to come to an understanding of how difficult that can be for them, we must be willing to do it first.
I think about how hard it must have been for my father to carry around the secret of child molestation for so many years. Imagine how hard that would be. If just one child spoke out, his life would come tumbling down like a house of cards.
I am grateful that my dad finally confessed to the police about what he did to my daughter. It spared her from tremendous embarrassment and the stress involved with court appearances. More importantly, it set him on the road to forgiveness alongside us.
As we travel this journey, we are struggling to forgive someone who has deeply hurt us. It is important to remember that our enemies are struggling just as hard to let go of their sins. By admitting our own faults, we walk in their shoes. In doing so, we can begin to empathize with their battle.
Today's Challenge
Set aside some time for reflection and prayer. Ask God to reveal sins that you may not even be aware of in your quest to forgive. When they surface, write them down in your journal. Admit your sins to God and to one other trusted person. Write down how you think your enemy might be feeling about admitting his own faults. Begin to pray for him.
Forgiveness is impossible without humility.
If we want to forgive someone, we cannot keep an attitude of pride or superiority toward them. If we approach forgiveness with our noses in the air, we either make our enemies defensive, or we make them feel insignificant. Neither outcome is pleasing to God, who calls us to love one another.
I Peter 5:5 (NIV) tells us, All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." We can see that our efforts to forgive will be opposed by God if we approach the process with prideful attitudes. Our efforts are backed up by God's grace is we approach forgiveness with humility.
Stop judging your enemy.
There is an old saying that whenever we point a finger at someone, there are three others pointing back at us. We cannot forgive if we are focused on our enemy's sins. Jesus said in Matthew 7:3-5 (NIV):
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
Beginning today, stop thinking about and clinging to all of the things that your enemy did to hurt you. Release these bitter thoughts to God and focus, instead, on the sweetness of his love for you.
Start examining yourself.
Lamentations 3:40 (NIV) reads, Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. Before any of us can forgive, we must look deep within to examine the condition of our own hearts. We are all sinners, and those of us who have suffered abuse or trauma generally carry with us sins such as anger, revenge, pride, and hatred.
I am not asking you to examine yourself to see if you have any sin. I'm asking you to look into your soul to see which sins need to be addressed. Through prayer, ask God to reveal your sins to you. Ask a trusted friend or your spouse what sins they see in you.
Admit your sins to God.
After you have identified which sins are hindering you from forgiving, admit them to God. He already knows what they are, but confessing them to him will relieve you of the burden of carrying them around.
Tell God that you have made a mess of your life and that you cannot manage it any longer. Ask him to lead you. Then pray that God will give you the good sense to follow him, rather than expecting him to act like a genie in a bottle whenever you need him to carry out a task for you. Remember, Christianity is about learning how to be a follower, not the leader. Leading is God's job, not ours.
Tell one other person about your sins.
We are not required to go to confession to have our sins forgiven. Jesus' death on the cross and resurrection gave us full access to him. However, I believe that telling someone whom we can trust about our faults gives us a great deal of leverage against sin. With an accountability partner knowing about our shortcomings, we have greater power through their prayers and encouragement.
Admitting our own faults is an important step in the forgiveness process. Why? Because we expect our enemies to admit their faults to us. And if we're going to come to an understanding of how difficult that can be for them, we must be willing to do it first.
I think about how hard it must have been for my father to carry around the secret of child molestation for so many years. Imagine how hard that would be. If just one child spoke out, his life would come tumbling down like a house of cards.
I am grateful that my dad finally confessed to the police about what he did to my daughter. It spared her from tremendous embarrassment and the stress involved with court appearances. More importantly, it set him on the road to forgiveness alongside us.
As we travel this journey, we are struggling to forgive someone who has deeply hurt us. It is important to remember that our enemies are struggling just as hard to let go of their sins. By admitting our own faults, we walk in their shoes. In doing so, we can begin to empathize with their battle.
Today's Challenge
Set aside some time for reflection and prayer. Ask God to reveal sins that you may not even be aware of in your quest to forgive. When they surface, write them down in your journal. Admit your sins to God and to one other trusted person. Write down how you think your enemy might be feeling about admitting his own faults. Begin to pray for him.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Don't Become a Vampire Christian
We continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. I believe that understanding God's character and looking closely at the nature of mankind's sin is helpful as we attempt to forgive. Yesterday, we identified sin in ourselves and in others. Today, we think about how sin impacts everyone's lives.
Sin is a waste of our time and energy.
God wants Christians to progress along a path of ever-increasing righteousness. If we think about trying to become more like God, we can compare it to walking up a mountain toward eternal life. When we sin, we do an about-face and head back down the slope we just climbed. Clearly, this is a waste of effort and destroys the Christ-like character we are seeking.
Sin hurts us and others.
Each time that we allow sin into our lives, we inevitably experience a loss of spiritual strength. We suffer as God disciplines us.
Sin also harms our effectiveness in doing the work of God's kingdom. So not only does our sin hurt us, it also hurts others who might benefit from our imitating God's character.
I believe God wants me to use my gift of writing to help survivors of abuse and trauma. If I harbor anger or hatred toward my enemies, I'm not going to be able to serve my readers very effectively. My own sin would hurt me, but it would also hurt others who need to hear about God's love and how we can forgive.
Our sin affects our heavenly rewards.
There are degrees of reward in heaven, as evidenced by the words of I Corinthians 3:12-15 (NIV):
If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.
This passage is telling us that our righteousness will be evaluated on Judgment Day. We will receive heavenly rewards that are in keeping with our efforts to imitate God. Even if the world tells us that our righteousness is like gold, God's fire may prove that it is only as valuable as straw.
Don't spend your life as a Vampire Christian.
As we learned yesterday, a Christian who professes faith in Christ and spends his life striving to obey God's laws will not lose his place in heaven if he sins. Believers who enter into a relationship of grace with God through baptism and then do their best to remain in God's grace through obedience are known as born-again Christians. They do not engage in a lifestyle of sinning, and it is evident by their behavior that they have surrendered their will to Christ.
We must become aware that it is possible for some so-called believers to be what I call Vampire Christians. They desire just a little taste of the blood of Christ, but they aren't willing to fully immerse themselves in that blood through total surrender of their lives.
Vampire Christians are people who profess to be Christians, based on the fact that they attend a church or exhibit behaviors that seem to conform to moral standards of living. They profess belief in Christ and get baptized, but their behavior from that point onward does not lead anyone to see that they are Christians.
The problem with Vampire Christians is that they often take on a consistent pattern of disobedience to Christ. For instance, they may attend church and show up for plenty of church functions; but they perpetually sin through alcoholism, compulsive gambling, pornography addictions, and so on. Some of their sins may be less obvious, such as resentment, bitterness, anger, or hatred.
Vampire Christians lack evidence of spiritual growth, and it is nearly impossible to see in them the fruit of the spirit, as described in Galatians 5:22 (NIV):
But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
Jesus warns Vampire Christians that they will not inherit eternal life in Matthew 7:21-23 (NIV):
Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
These verses point out the importance of sanctifying grace, which comes through doing God's will throughout our lives--obeying his laws and commands to the best of our ability. Saving grace, which comes through baptism and profession of faith, is only a starting point. Sadly, Vampire Christians believe it is all that is necessary to achieve eternal life.
I was a Vampire Christian.
Before I met Joe, I was a Vampire Christian. I had been raised in a church that taught forgiveness through rote confession on Sunday mornings, regardless of the enormity of my sin throughout the week. Like all vampires, I lived a half-life, always hiding in darkness and never fully understanding how wonderful it felt to live fully in the light of Christ's love.
When Joe began teaching me about the importance of sanctifying grace, the Holy Spirit convicted me that I had been living a lie. I was not a true Christian, and if I wanted my reward of heaven, I needed to change my ways. Specifically, I needed to give up my sins of pride, anger, bitterness, and revenge toward people who had abused me. I began reading my Bible, studying Joe's books on theology, attending Bible studies, and meeting with more mature Christians.
The light dawned, and I realized all that I had been missing in my life as a Vampire Christian. Even though I had been baptized as an infant, I was baptized by immersion on my 40th birthday. When I came up out of the water, I knew that I had become a true Christian, never again to live that miserable half-life of the Vampire Christian.
Seeing our own sin takes us one step closer to forgiving others.
In summary, sin is the opposite of everything that God sees as right. While it is easy to point out our enemy's sins, we must be open to the possibility of our own sinful actions and thoughts.
If we are truly born-again Christians, our sin can never cause us to lose our salvation; but we may expect God to discipline us. Sin is a waste of time, hurts us and our witness to others, and affects our heavenly rewards.
Look inward to make sure that you aren't a Vampire Christian who is satisfied with mere belief in Christ but who lacks the ambition to become more like Him by obeying his laws. In order to forgive, survivors of abuse and trauma need to fully understand their own need for forgiveness, which comes through both saving grace and sanctifying grace from Jesus Christ.
Today's Challenge
How is your sin harming you? How is it affecting your ability to help others? Are you a born-again Christian, or are you guilty of living as a Vampire Christian? If you realize that you have been coasting through life on just your profession of faith, commit your life to Christ today by talking to a more mature Christian who can help you.
Sin is a waste of our time and energy.
God wants Christians to progress along a path of ever-increasing righteousness. If we think about trying to become more like God, we can compare it to walking up a mountain toward eternal life. When we sin, we do an about-face and head back down the slope we just climbed. Clearly, this is a waste of effort and destroys the Christ-like character we are seeking.
Sin hurts us and others.
Each time that we allow sin into our lives, we inevitably experience a loss of spiritual strength. We suffer as God disciplines us.
Sin also harms our effectiveness in doing the work of God's kingdom. So not only does our sin hurt us, it also hurts others who might benefit from our imitating God's character.
I believe God wants me to use my gift of writing to help survivors of abuse and trauma. If I harbor anger or hatred toward my enemies, I'm not going to be able to serve my readers very effectively. My own sin would hurt me, but it would also hurt others who need to hear about God's love and how we can forgive.
Our sin affects our heavenly rewards.
There are degrees of reward in heaven, as evidenced by the words of I Corinthians 3:12-15 (NIV):
If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.
This passage is telling us that our righteousness will be evaluated on Judgment Day. We will receive heavenly rewards that are in keeping with our efforts to imitate God. Even if the world tells us that our righteousness is like gold, God's fire may prove that it is only as valuable as straw.
Don't spend your life as a Vampire Christian.
As we learned yesterday, a Christian who professes faith in Christ and spends his life striving to obey God's laws will not lose his place in heaven if he sins. Believers who enter into a relationship of grace with God through baptism and then do their best to remain in God's grace through obedience are known as born-again Christians. They do not engage in a lifestyle of sinning, and it is evident by their behavior that they have surrendered their will to Christ.
We must become aware that it is possible for some so-called believers to be what I call Vampire Christians. They desire just a little taste of the blood of Christ, but they aren't willing to fully immerse themselves in that blood through total surrender of their lives.
Vampire Christians are people who profess to be Christians, based on the fact that they attend a church or exhibit behaviors that seem to conform to moral standards of living. They profess belief in Christ and get baptized, but their behavior from that point onward does not lead anyone to see that they are Christians.
The problem with Vampire Christians is that they often take on a consistent pattern of disobedience to Christ. For instance, they may attend church and show up for plenty of church functions; but they perpetually sin through alcoholism, compulsive gambling, pornography addictions, and so on. Some of their sins may be less obvious, such as resentment, bitterness, anger, or hatred.
Vampire Christians lack evidence of spiritual growth, and it is nearly impossible to see in them the fruit of the spirit, as described in Galatians 5:22 (NIV):
But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
Jesus warns Vampire Christians that they will not inherit eternal life in Matthew 7:21-23 (NIV):
Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
These verses point out the importance of sanctifying grace, which comes through doing God's will throughout our lives--obeying his laws and commands to the best of our ability. Saving grace, which comes through baptism and profession of faith, is only a starting point. Sadly, Vampire Christians believe it is all that is necessary to achieve eternal life.
I was a Vampire Christian.
Before I met Joe, I was a Vampire Christian. I had been raised in a church that taught forgiveness through rote confession on Sunday mornings, regardless of the enormity of my sin throughout the week. Like all vampires, I lived a half-life, always hiding in darkness and never fully understanding how wonderful it felt to live fully in the light of Christ's love.
When Joe began teaching me about the importance of sanctifying grace, the Holy Spirit convicted me that I had been living a lie. I was not a true Christian, and if I wanted my reward of heaven, I needed to change my ways. Specifically, I needed to give up my sins of pride, anger, bitterness, and revenge toward people who had abused me. I began reading my Bible, studying Joe's books on theology, attending Bible studies, and meeting with more mature Christians.
The light dawned, and I realized all that I had been missing in my life as a Vampire Christian. Even though I had been baptized as an infant, I was baptized by immersion on my 40th birthday. When I came up out of the water, I knew that I had become a true Christian, never again to live that miserable half-life of the Vampire Christian.
Seeing our own sin takes us one step closer to forgiving others.
In summary, sin is the opposite of everything that God sees as right. While it is easy to point out our enemy's sins, we must be open to the possibility of our own sinful actions and thoughts.
If we are truly born-again Christians, our sin can never cause us to lose our salvation; but we may expect God to discipline us. Sin is a waste of time, hurts us and our witness to others, and affects our heavenly rewards.
Look inward to make sure that you aren't a Vampire Christian who is satisfied with mere belief in Christ but who lacks the ambition to become more like Him by obeying his laws. In order to forgive, survivors of abuse and trauma need to fully understand their own need for forgiveness, which comes through both saving grace and sanctifying grace from Jesus Christ.
Today's Challenge
How is your sin harming you? How is it affecting your ability to help others? Are you a born-again Christian, or are you guilty of living as a Vampire Christian? If you realize that you have been coasting through life on just your profession of faith, commit your life to Christ today by talking to a more mature Christian who can help you.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Recognize Sin
For the past few weeks, we have learned about God's character in our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Today, we look at the concept of sin. By recognizing it in ourselves and in our enemies, we become better prepared to forgive those who have hurt us.
What is sin?
Previously, we defined righteousness as God's goodness, love, mercy, grace, patience, holiness, peacefulness, justice, jealousy, and wrath. Defining sin is simple, because it is the opposite of God's righteousness: sin is any failure to conform to God's character or law with any act or attitude.
Many times, we think of sin as those acts that people can see: lying, stealing, cheating, and so on. But God also prohibits attitudes such as jealousy, anger, and selfishness. Galatians 5:19-21 (NIV) describes both obvious and inner sins which can get us into trouble:
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, faction and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
It is easy to recognize sin in those who have hurt us.
I John 3:4 (NIV) tells us that Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. When someone abuses us or commits an act that leads to trauma, it is pretty easy to see it and label it as sin. Our justice system can prove a person's guilt, based on his actions and its interpretation of the law.
Ask any survivor of childhood sexual abuse if their perpetrator committed a sin when molesting them, and they will unequivocally answer with a resounding,Yes! Ask survivors of 911 whether or not the terrorists who destroyed the World Trade Center were sinning, and most will cry out, Undoubtedly!
It is not so easy to recognize sin in ourselves.
At the beginning of this series, I identified the roadblocks to forgiveness as anger, fear, lack of trust, low self-esteem, guilt, revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. Many of these characteristics are present in survivors of abuse and trauma.
I would like to assert that if these feelings are left unchecked, they can become a source of sin for survivors. For instance, we may feel a sense of anger toward our perpetrators. This is a natural response and drives us to seek help. However, if we allow ourselves to remain angry for the rest of time, I believe we have an issue with a sinful attitude.
For the past year, God has been using the case of my father molesting his grandchildren to teach me about my own sin. I never realized before how prideful I had been in comparing myself to others. Seeing my father taken away in handcuffs made me think about how guilty I have been of sinning.
I deserve eternal punishment for my sins of pride, anger, hatred, revenge, and unforgiveness. I thank God more than ever now for the gift of grace through Jesus' death on the cross. When we recognize our own sins, we become far more careful about committing more or looking at ourselves as superior to our enemies.
Sin does not change our standing with God if we're born-again Christians.
When a born-again Christian sins, his legal standing before God remains unchanged. Our salvation is not based on how well we behave, but is a gift from God. (Romans 6:23) In other words, even if we sin, we keep our adoption as one of God's children, and we get to spend eternity in heaven with him.
God disciplines us when we sin.
When we sin, God still loves us, but he may become displeased with us. As parents, we understand that we always love our children, but we may not be thrilled when they throw tantrums, break their curfews, or hit their siblings. We discipline them and teach them to improve.
We can count on God to discipline us when we sin, whether we commit evil acts or harbor sinful attitudes. Hebrews 12:10 (NIV) tells us, God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.
God disciplines all of his children.
Imagine a family where each of the children got punished for misbehaving, except for one. Think about how unruly and prideful that child might become.
We inevitably expect God to discipline our perpetrators for their sins against us, but how many of us ask God to bypass disciplining us when our attitudes toward our enemies get out of hand? We need to accept his discipline and learn from it so that we can become more like him each day.
Tomorrow, we will continue our discussion about sin with a look at people who are known as Vampire Christians. Are you one of them?
Today's Challenge
Do you have a different understanding of your sin now? Which one of your attitudes toward your enemy needs to be released to God? How do you feel now about God's discpline for you?
What is sin?
Previously, we defined righteousness as God's goodness, love, mercy, grace, patience, holiness, peacefulness, justice, jealousy, and wrath. Defining sin is simple, because it is the opposite of God's righteousness: sin is any failure to conform to God's character or law with any act or attitude.
Many times, we think of sin as those acts that people can see: lying, stealing, cheating, and so on. But God also prohibits attitudes such as jealousy, anger, and selfishness. Galatians 5:19-21 (NIV) describes both obvious and inner sins which can get us into trouble:
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, faction and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
It is easy to recognize sin in those who have hurt us.
I John 3:4 (NIV) tells us that Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. When someone abuses us or commits an act that leads to trauma, it is pretty easy to see it and label it as sin. Our justice system can prove a person's guilt, based on his actions and its interpretation of the law.
Ask any survivor of childhood sexual abuse if their perpetrator committed a sin when molesting them, and they will unequivocally answer with a resounding,Yes! Ask survivors of 911 whether or not the terrorists who destroyed the World Trade Center were sinning, and most will cry out, Undoubtedly!
It is not so easy to recognize sin in ourselves.
At the beginning of this series, I identified the roadblocks to forgiveness as anger, fear, lack of trust, low self-esteem, guilt, revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. Many of these characteristics are present in survivors of abuse and trauma.
I would like to assert that if these feelings are left unchecked, they can become a source of sin for survivors. For instance, we may feel a sense of anger toward our perpetrators. This is a natural response and drives us to seek help. However, if we allow ourselves to remain angry for the rest of time, I believe we have an issue with a sinful attitude.
For the past year, God has been using the case of my father molesting his grandchildren to teach me about my own sin. I never realized before how prideful I had been in comparing myself to others. Seeing my father taken away in handcuffs made me think about how guilty I have been of sinning.
I deserve eternal punishment for my sins of pride, anger, hatred, revenge, and unforgiveness. I thank God more than ever now for the gift of grace through Jesus' death on the cross. When we recognize our own sins, we become far more careful about committing more or looking at ourselves as superior to our enemies.
Sin does not change our standing with God if we're born-again Christians.
When a born-again Christian sins, his legal standing before God remains unchanged. Our salvation is not based on how well we behave, but is a gift from God. (Romans 6:23) In other words, even if we sin, we keep our adoption as one of God's children, and we get to spend eternity in heaven with him.
God disciplines us when we sin.
When we sin, God still loves us, but he may become displeased with us. As parents, we understand that we always love our children, but we may not be thrilled when they throw tantrums, break their curfews, or hit their siblings. We discipline them and teach them to improve.
We can count on God to discipline us when we sin, whether we commit evil acts or harbor sinful attitudes. Hebrews 12:10 (NIV) tells us, God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.
God disciplines all of his children.
Imagine a family where each of the children got punished for misbehaving, except for one. Think about how unruly and prideful that child might become.
We inevitably expect God to discipline our perpetrators for their sins against us, but how many of us ask God to bypass disciplining us when our attitudes toward our enemies get out of hand? We need to accept his discipline and learn from it so that we can become more like him each day.
Tomorrow, we will continue our discussion about sin with a look at people who are known as Vampire Christians. Are you one of them?
Today's Challenge
Do you have a different understanding of your sin now? Which one of your attitudes toward your enemy needs to be released to God? How do you feel now about God's discpline for you?
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