We begin week four of our nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden. This study is based on Galatians 5:22, which is commonly known as the fruit of the Spirit. Today, I would like to look at how wisdom affects our ability to develop patience.
Got wisdom?
When we develop wisdom and the maturity to use it to deal with life's challenges, we also develop patience. Proverbs 29:11 (NIV) tells us, A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays his folly.
Allow me to illustrate what this passage of Scripture means. We have a new puppy in our house, a toy poodle named Zibby. I have never owned a toy breed before, so I spent her first weeks reading everything I could find.
I discovered that while most dogs can be housebroken and left for a number of hours at home alone without accidents, toy dogs cannot. Their bladders are about the size of a kidney bean, and they rarely acquire the ability to wait for hours on end to go potty.
If I didn't learn this about my dog, I might have expectations for her housebreaking that would be unfair to her. But, since I have gained understanding about her, I am more patient with her. I don't yell at her if she has an accident, and I don't leave her alone for more than a few hours.
Strive for understanding in your relationships.
Proverbs 19:11 (NIV) reads, A man's wisdom gives him patience. In other words, we must apply ourselves to learning more if we want to become more patient people.
Just as I learned about my dog's development, we can all learn a little something about the people who live with us or in our neighborhoods. Studying child development may help us to understand our children's limitations or the phases our teens are struggling to overcome.
Reading or attending seminars about marriage can be very helpful in developing patience with our spouses. Every spouse has strengths and weaknesses, and we can learn to be more patient with them if we understand what their limitations are.
We may grow in wisdom and patience if we study a little bit about our neighbors who come from cultures which are different from our own. I have learned a great deal by reading about and meeting people from other countries. Taking the time to listen to them, in spite of the language barriers that we face, has helped me to understand them and patiently wait for them to express themselves.
Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who needs your understanding today? A child? A teen? A spouse? A neighbor? A coworker? Take some time to gain some wisdom about them, and watch your patience grow.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Are You a Peacekeeper or a Peacemaker?
We conclude this week's thoughts about peace with a question about whether we are peacekeepers or peacemakers. This marks week three in my nine-week series titled, Thriving in God's Garden.
Are you a peacekeeper or a peacemaker?
When I pose this question to people, they must stop and think what it means to be a peacekeeper versus a peacemaker. In my mind, a peacekeeper is a person who hates conflict and will do anything to avoid it. A peacemaker, on the other hand, is a person who is not afraid of conflict and is willing to butt heads with others to create positive change.
Most victims of childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence fall into the category of peacekeepers. They walk on eggshells or make themselves as close to invisible as they can in order to avoid further abuse.
I used to be a peacekeeper.
When I was younger, I was a peacekeeper. During my first marriage, I did everything in my power to make sure that I didn't anger my husband. If he insisted on his dinner being scalding hot at 5:15, I made sure it was on the table the instant he walked through the door. When he said that he never wanted to see any evidence that children lived in the house, I made sure that all of the toys and the kids were tucked away in the bedrooms before he came home.
As you can imagine, this did not create for a peaceful existence for me or for my children. As the kids grew older, they became expert peacekeepers, too. All of them headed straight for their bedrooms the minute they got off the school bus. Dinner was eaten in silence, and the kids disappeared again the instant they finished eating.
Today, I am a peacemaker.
My first glimpse of how different life could be if I gave up peacekeeping came about two weeks after I left my first husband. I was preparing dinner for the kids, and they all bounded into the eat-in area. While I was putting food on the table, I realized that they were all talking. It wasn't until they burst into peals of laughter for the first time in years that I saw clearly how much my peacekeeping efforts had been stifling their spirits.
I decided then that I would never walk on eggshells again, and I would teach my children to speak out against anything that they felt was immoral or unfair. Through many years of counseling, I learned how to role-play conversations with people who needed to be confronted. Eventually, I learned how to become a peacemaker. You can, too.
Peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground.
Someone once told me that abusers are just like cut-out paper tigers on a stage, with dry ice creating a smoke screen around them. If you blow on them, they fall over, and the fake smoke disappears.
It wasn't easy, but I eventually learned that peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground. Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) tells us, Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor. So, if someone does something wrong, the Bible tells us that we must tell them truthfully that what they did was wrong and that it hurt us.
Peacemaking initially results in greater conflict.
It is important to realize that peacemaking doesn't always create immediate peace between people. In fact, it may drive some people apart...which is sometimes better, anyway. When we speak the truth in love, we usually discover inner peace, even while we create external conflict with the people who have hurt us.
When we stand up for ourselves, we must accept that it is going to create conflict. But if we stick to our resolve that we will not allow others to abuse us, we soon learn that the bullies of this world move on to pick on weaker people. Yes, there will be conflict when we confront bullies, but eventually, they will take it with them when they leave us alone.
Stop lying to yourself and others.
Peacekeepers spend a lot of time lying about their feelings. They tell themselves that others haven't hurt them, even though they struggle with repressed anger and resentment. If internalized, anger and the words we would like to say can lead to very poor health and depression.
When abusive people hurt us, we may lie to them or to others about the abuse. We may cover up bruises, tell tales about how happy we are, or become perfectionists to cover up our pain. Whether our lies are verbal or something inherent in our actions, we must stop. If we truly want to live peaceful lives, we must speak out when things are amiss.
The fruit of the Spirit
This week, we've learned the importance of removing ourselves from conflicted relationships, trusting in God as our source of peace, leading simple and quiet lives to promote inner peace, and speaking the truth in love. Next week, we will look at ways to develop patience. Remember that this series is based on the fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. Have you memorized it yet?
Today's Challenge
Take some time today to consider whether you are a peacekeeper or a peacemaker. If you are prone to peacekeeping, find someone to help you learn how to stand up for yourself. Practice ways of speaking the truth in love when people hurt you.
Are you a peacekeeper or a peacemaker?
When I pose this question to people, they must stop and think what it means to be a peacekeeper versus a peacemaker. In my mind, a peacekeeper is a person who hates conflict and will do anything to avoid it. A peacemaker, on the other hand, is a person who is not afraid of conflict and is willing to butt heads with others to create positive change.
Most victims of childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence fall into the category of peacekeepers. They walk on eggshells or make themselves as close to invisible as they can in order to avoid further abuse.
I used to be a peacekeeper.
When I was younger, I was a peacekeeper. During my first marriage, I did everything in my power to make sure that I didn't anger my husband. If he insisted on his dinner being scalding hot at 5:15, I made sure it was on the table the instant he walked through the door. When he said that he never wanted to see any evidence that children lived in the house, I made sure that all of the toys and the kids were tucked away in the bedrooms before he came home.
As you can imagine, this did not create for a peaceful existence for me or for my children. As the kids grew older, they became expert peacekeepers, too. All of them headed straight for their bedrooms the minute they got off the school bus. Dinner was eaten in silence, and the kids disappeared again the instant they finished eating.
Today, I am a peacemaker.
My first glimpse of how different life could be if I gave up peacekeeping came about two weeks after I left my first husband. I was preparing dinner for the kids, and they all bounded into the eat-in area. While I was putting food on the table, I realized that they were all talking. It wasn't until they burst into peals of laughter for the first time in years that I saw clearly how much my peacekeeping efforts had been stifling their spirits.
I decided then that I would never walk on eggshells again, and I would teach my children to speak out against anything that they felt was immoral or unfair. Through many years of counseling, I learned how to role-play conversations with people who needed to be confronted. Eventually, I learned how to become a peacemaker. You can, too.
Peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground.
Someone once told me that abusers are just like cut-out paper tigers on a stage, with dry ice creating a smoke screen around them. If you blow on them, they fall over, and the fake smoke disappears.
It wasn't easy, but I eventually learned that peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground. Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) tells us, Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor. So, if someone does something wrong, the Bible tells us that we must tell them truthfully that what they did was wrong and that it hurt us.
Peacemaking initially results in greater conflict.
It is important to realize that peacemaking doesn't always create immediate peace between people. In fact, it may drive some people apart...which is sometimes better, anyway. When we speak the truth in love, we usually discover inner peace, even while we create external conflict with the people who have hurt us.
When we stand up for ourselves, we must accept that it is going to create conflict. But if we stick to our resolve that we will not allow others to abuse us, we soon learn that the bullies of this world move on to pick on weaker people. Yes, there will be conflict when we confront bullies, but eventually, they will take it with them when they leave us alone.
Stop lying to yourself and others.
Peacekeepers spend a lot of time lying about their feelings. They tell themselves that others haven't hurt them, even though they struggle with repressed anger and resentment. If internalized, anger and the words we would like to say can lead to very poor health and depression.
When abusive people hurt us, we may lie to them or to others about the abuse. We may cover up bruises, tell tales about how happy we are, or become perfectionists to cover up our pain. Whether our lies are verbal or something inherent in our actions, we must stop. If we truly want to live peaceful lives, we must speak out when things are amiss.
The fruit of the Spirit
This week, we've learned the importance of removing ourselves from conflicted relationships, trusting in God as our source of peace, leading simple and quiet lives to promote inner peace, and speaking the truth in love. Next week, we will look at ways to develop patience. Remember that this series is based on the fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. Have you memorized it yet?
Today's Challenge
Take some time today to consider whether you are a peacekeeper or a peacemaker. If you are prone to peacekeeping, find someone to help you learn how to stand up for yourself. Practice ways of speaking the truth in love when people hurt you.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Peace is Quiet
This week, we're learning about ways to achieve peace as we continue with our series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I'd like to address the issue of noise so that we can think about how it affects our inner peace.
How much noise do you hear each day?
We frequently complain about a lack of inner peace, but how often do we consider the lack of peace around us? Everywhere we go, there is noise. We can't go into a restaurant anymore without a TV blaring overhead. Stores feel that music playing overhead is necessary to make us comfortable as we shop.
Cell phones ring constantly, interrupting our thoughts and conversations. The people around us talk incessantly, filling the air with mindless gossip and idle chatter.
The noise of living in large cities adds to the volume: school buses, cars, motorcycles, and trucks create background din that we don't even pay attention to after a while. Even while we sleep, the distant whir of traffic never ends.
Be still.
All of this hub-bub robs us of our inner peace. The sad part is that most people don't even realize that noise is an issue.
Psalm 46:10 reads, Be still and know that I am God. Whenever I feel my peace slipping away, I go to a quiet place and think about this verse. When we are quiet, we can feel God's presence. We can capture his thoughts if we get away from the noise of our world and step into the quiet of his.
Create a quiet life.
One of the blessings of having multiple sclerosis is that I have days when I can't hear much of anything. At first, this seemed like a curse, but I came to understand that it was a relief. I can make my way through a world filled with obnoxious noise and hear very little of it.
On days when I can hear well, I strive to keep noise to a minimum. Right now, the only sounds I can hear are the birds singing outside and the gentle whir of my computer. From time to time, the refrigerator kicks on, but other than that, my house and work space are silent.
I do not have a radio in my car, and I really love the silence. While I'm driving, I pray or think. My mind is not being filled with endless radio advertising, and I arrive at my destinations feeling at peace.
If I fill my head with the noise of radio, TV, and conversations, there is no room left for the novel plots that I am creating. I lose track of the ideas I am mulling over for my blog posts.
How much noise are you hearing in your world? What can you do to reduce the volume? What can you do better if you live in a quieter world?
Today's Challenge
Spend some time today making note of the noise that surrounds you. Is there anything you can do to quiet some of it? Try to turn off the radio, TV, and phone. Sit outside and listen for the sounds of nature. In the quiet, ask God to fill you with his peace.
How much noise do you hear each day?
We frequently complain about a lack of inner peace, but how often do we consider the lack of peace around us? Everywhere we go, there is noise. We can't go into a restaurant anymore without a TV blaring overhead. Stores feel that music playing overhead is necessary to make us comfortable as we shop.
Cell phones ring constantly, interrupting our thoughts and conversations. The people around us talk incessantly, filling the air with mindless gossip and idle chatter.
The noise of living in large cities adds to the volume: school buses, cars, motorcycles, and trucks create background din that we don't even pay attention to after a while. Even while we sleep, the distant whir of traffic never ends.
Be still.
All of this hub-bub robs us of our inner peace. The sad part is that most people don't even realize that noise is an issue.
Psalm 46:10 reads, Be still and know that I am God. Whenever I feel my peace slipping away, I go to a quiet place and think about this verse. When we are quiet, we can feel God's presence. We can capture his thoughts if we get away from the noise of our world and step into the quiet of his.
Create a quiet life.
One of the blessings of having multiple sclerosis is that I have days when I can't hear much of anything. At first, this seemed like a curse, but I came to understand that it was a relief. I can make my way through a world filled with obnoxious noise and hear very little of it.
On days when I can hear well, I strive to keep noise to a minimum. Right now, the only sounds I can hear are the birds singing outside and the gentle whir of my computer. From time to time, the refrigerator kicks on, but other than that, my house and work space are silent.
I do not have a radio in my car, and I really love the silence. While I'm driving, I pray or think. My mind is not being filled with endless radio advertising, and I arrive at my destinations feeling at peace.
If I fill my head with the noise of radio, TV, and conversations, there is no room left for the novel plots that I am creating. I lose track of the ideas I am mulling over for my blog posts.
How much noise are you hearing in your world? What can you do to reduce the volume? What can you do better if you live in a quieter world?
Today's Challenge
Spend some time today making note of the noise that surrounds you. Is there anything you can do to quiet some of it? Try to turn off the radio, TV, and phone. Sit outside and listen for the sounds of nature. In the quiet, ask God to fill you with his peace.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Lead Quiet Lives
We're learning about ways to live more peacefully this week as we continue with my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I would like to address the importance of leading quiet lives that promote inner peace.
How quiet is your life?
In our quest for peace, many of us struggle to find inner calm because of the clutter that surrounds us. Our stuff may not be piled as high as the rubble in tsunami-stricken Japan, but an excess of possessions in our homes can certainly feel just as overwhelming.
Whenever my house becomes cluttered, I find it difficult to function. Unopened mail on my desk distracts me from my writing. A sink filled with dirty dishes robs me of any desire to cook the next meal. A garage full of useless and broken stuff prevents me from parking my car in a dry place. Wherever clutter reigns, peace no longer exists.
God directs us to lead quiet lives.
Jesus' brother, James, wrote: Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own businss and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders... (James 4:11-12 NIV)
What kind of message is your home sending to others? Is it a place of chaos or a peaceful sanctuary? Are you modeling a quiet life of peace for your friends and family? Or is your home a place of disorder?
Find satisfaction in living more simply.
We live in a country where we are blessed beyond belief with an abundance of personal goods. Most people in the world only have one set of clothing, which is torn and threadbare. Many don't even own one pair of shoes.
How many pairs of shoes do we really need? Two, three, or thirty? Every time we spend money on excessive items, we give up an opportunity to do something helpful with it...such as saving for retirement or giving to our favorite charity.
And with each new acquisition, our home seems to become smaller and smaller. Eventually, we are dissatisfied with the size of our houses, and we upgrade to bigger ones with larger garages and closets.
It all begins with the purchase of a pair of shoes, but eventually we find ourselves unable to sleep at night, because we're struggling to make ends meet in our oversized houses filled to capacity with stuff. The more stuff we have, the less peace we experience.
Start somewhere.
Clutter has become such an issue in our society that there are actually TV shows about people who hoard things. They cannot bear to throw anything away, and they end up living in small corners of their homes which are free from junk.
When we find ourselves losing our peace over the issue of having too much stuff, we must start somewhere to clear our space. When I look at a room that is overflowing with stuff, I promise myself that I will begin by simply throwing away, putting away, or giving away 20 items.
I begin counting, and I usually forget that I have limited myself to 20 items. Just starting with one small goal gives me the ability to go further. Before I know it, I have cleaned out an entire drawer, or a closet, or a room.
I urge you to consider how much peace you're sacrificing every time you make a purchase. Consider how much money, space, and maintenance the item will require. Is it worth it?
Today's Challenge
Walk through each room of your house today, as well as your garage and yard. What kind of message are you sending to the rest of the world? Is your home a place of quiet order and peace? Or is it a disaster area? Make a commitment today to start eliminating clutter, 20 items at a time.
How quiet is your life?
In our quest for peace, many of us struggle to find inner calm because of the clutter that surrounds us. Our stuff may not be piled as high as the rubble in tsunami-stricken Japan, but an excess of possessions in our homes can certainly feel just as overwhelming.
Whenever my house becomes cluttered, I find it difficult to function. Unopened mail on my desk distracts me from my writing. A sink filled with dirty dishes robs me of any desire to cook the next meal. A garage full of useless and broken stuff prevents me from parking my car in a dry place. Wherever clutter reigns, peace no longer exists.
God directs us to lead quiet lives.
Jesus' brother, James, wrote: Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own businss and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders... (James 4:11-12 NIV)
What kind of message is your home sending to others? Is it a place of chaos or a peaceful sanctuary? Are you modeling a quiet life of peace for your friends and family? Or is your home a place of disorder?
Find satisfaction in living more simply.
We live in a country where we are blessed beyond belief with an abundance of personal goods. Most people in the world only have one set of clothing, which is torn and threadbare. Many don't even own one pair of shoes.
How many pairs of shoes do we really need? Two, three, or thirty? Every time we spend money on excessive items, we give up an opportunity to do something helpful with it...such as saving for retirement or giving to our favorite charity.
And with each new acquisition, our home seems to become smaller and smaller. Eventually, we are dissatisfied with the size of our houses, and we upgrade to bigger ones with larger garages and closets.
It all begins with the purchase of a pair of shoes, but eventually we find ourselves unable to sleep at night, because we're struggling to make ends meet in our oversized houses filled to capacity with stuff. The more stuff we have, the less peace we experience.
Start somewhere.
Clutter has become such an issue in our society that there are actually TV shows about people who hoard things. They cannot bear to throw anything away, and they end up living in small corners of their homes which are free from junk.
When we find ourselves losing our peace over the issue of having too much stuff, we must start somewhere to clear our space. When I look at a room that is overflowing with stuff, I promise myself that I will begin by simply throwing away, putting away, or giving away 20 items.
I begin counting, and I usually forget that I have limited myself to 20 items. Just starting with one small goal gives me the ability to go further. Before I know it, I have cleaned out an entire drawer, or a closet, or a room.
I urge you to consider how much peace you're sacrificing every time you make a purchase. Consider how much money, space, and maintenance the item will require. Is it worth it?
Today's Challenge
Walk through each room of your house today, as well as your garage and yard. What kind of message are you sending to the rest of the world? Is your home a place of quiet order and peace? Or is it a disaster area? Make a commitment today to start eliminating clutter, 20 items at a time.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Trust God to Increase Your Peace
Yesterday, we took a look at what happens to our peace when we choose to remain in relationships with people who constantly rob us of it. Today, I want to examine how a relationship with God changes our peace. This is a continuation of my series, Thriving in God's Garden, a study of the fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22.
We yearn for peace.
In recent days, Japan has been rocked by the world's worst earthquake, followed by a tsunami that destroyed homes, cars, highways, and ships. Terrified occupants of the city of Sendai literally ran for their lives, which proved futile for many, since the wall of water was racing across the land at over 50 miles per hour.
After more than a month, the city is still in a state of shock. Nearby nuclear reactors have leaked radiation into the air, the drinking water, and the sea. Produce growing on the land is now unfit to eat. Piles of shifting rubble includes homes and cars. Nearly 15,000 people are still missing, and whether they lie dead under that rubble or have been washed out to sea remains a mystery.
In a situation such as this, people yearn for order to be restored. When everything that we rely on, such as electricity, water, mass transit, gasoline, autos, and food are all taken away from us; we sense that there is no one in control of the world anymore. If we don't know God, this type of loss can cause really severe emotional and spiritual turmoil.
During chaos, we look for someone to restore order.
When tragedies such as the Japanese tsunami strike, most people look to someone for help in restoring order. Police officers, paramedics, fire fighters, doctors, nurses, military workers, and many volunteers become the heroes who restore order.
These first responders often receive our heartfelt thanks for their efforts to save our lives. But what happens when the sense of urgency dies down and those workers leave an area that has been left in chaos? Who do we look to for help then?
God must be our greatest hero.
People who experience a close brush with death often realize how fleeting our lives truly are. When we witness our neighbors dying, our sense of self-reliance washes out to sea as swiftly and easily as a house borne by a tsunami.
At times like these, we must rely on God to restore order. If we trust in him and acknowledge that he knows what is best for us, then we can maintain inner peace at times when everyone else is running in circles and screaming hysterically.
Psalm 20:7 (NIV) reads, Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. I like the Message version of the Bible for this same verse: See those people polishing their chariots, and those others grooming their horses? But we're making garlands for God our God. The chariots will rust, those horses pull up lame--and we'll be on our feet, standing tall.
When we forget about God and begin focusing mostly on activities such as polishing our cars and decorating our houses, we run the risk of losing our inner peace if chaos strikes. In the United States, we haven't experienced a tsunami, but many of us are losing our shiny cars and enormous houses to the banks. When we put our trust in things that can be whisked away from us through natural disasters or a faltering economy, we lose our peace as swiftly as the victims of the tsunami did.
Put your trust in God alone.
I have suffered tremendous losses over the course of my life. I have survived childhood sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, a closed-head injury, four serious car accidents, stage four cancer, the loss of three babies, a disrupted adoption, near-bankruptcy, a paralyzing stroke, business loss, and a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis.
I cannot fathom how crazy I would be if I didn't know God. In fact, I doubt that I would still be alive today without my greatest hero, because I would have taken my own life along the way.
But because I chose to look to God for help in times of trouble, he restored my peace in a way that no emergency worker, doctor, banker, or therapist could. My greatest source of peace has always been Psalm 91, which I discovered while I awaited surgery for cancer. The first two verses read:
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
The last verse of this Psalm reads:
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.
There is no government guarantee or insurance policy big enough to make promises like God does. He vows to stay with us when tsunamis tear our homes from their foundations. He guarantees that he will rescue us when the storms of life bluster against us. With God, we have everything we need, because whether we survive in this life or not, he promises eternal life with him in heaven.
Today's Challenge
Go to www.biblegateway.com or your own Bible to read all of Psalm 91 today. Begin putting your trust in God, and your peace will grow.
We yearn for peace.
In recent days, Japan has been rocked by the world's worst earthquake, followed by a tsunami that destroyed homes, cars, highways, and ships. Terrified occupants of the city of Sendai literally ran for their lives, which proved futile for many, since the wall of water was racing across the land at over 50 miles per hour.
After more than a month, the city is still in a state of shock. Nearby nuclear reactors have leaked radiation into the air, the drinking water, and the sea. Produce growing on the land is now unfit to eat. Piles of shifting rubble includes homes and cars. Nearly 15,000 people are still missing, and whether they lie dead under that rubble or have been washed out to sea remains a mystery.
In a situation such as this, people yearn for order to be restored. When everything that we rely on, such as electricity, water, mass transit, gasoline, autos, and food are all taken away from us; we sense that there is no one in control of the world anymore. If we don't know God, this type of loss can cause really severe emotional and spiritual turmoil.
During chaos, we look for someone to restore order.
When tragedies such as the Japanese tsunami strike, most people look to someone for help in restoring order. Police officers, paramedics, fire fighters, doctors, nurses, military workers, and many volunteers become the heroes who restore order.
These first responders often receive our heartfelt thanks for their efforts to save our lives. But what happens when the sense of urgency dies down and those workers leave an area that has been left in chaos? Who do we look to for help then?
God must be our greatest hero.
People who experience a close brush with death often realize how fleeting our lives truly are. When we witness our neighbors dying, our sense of self-reliance washes out to sea as swiftly and easily as a house borne by a tsunami.
At times like these, we must rely on God to restore order. If we trust in him and acknowledge that he knows what is best for us, then we can maintain inner peace at times when everyone else is running in circles and screaming hysterically.
Psalm 20:7 (NIV) reads, Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. I like the Message version of the Bible for this same verse: See those people polishing their chariots, and those others grooming their horses? But we're making garlands for God our God. The chariots will rust, those horses pull up lame--and we'll be on our feet, standing tall.
When we forget about God and begin focusing mostly on activities such as polishing our cars and decorating our houses, we run the risk of losing our inner peace if chaos strikes. In the United States, we haven't experienced a tsunami, but many of us are losing our shiny cars and enormous houses to the banks. When we put our trust in things that can be whisked away from us through natural disasters or a faltering economy, we lose our peace as swiftly as the victims of the tsunami did.
Put your trust in God alone.
I have suffered tremendous losses over the course of my life. I have survived childhood sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, a closed-head injury, four serious car accidents, stage four cancer, the loss of three babies, a disrupted adoption, near-bankruptcy, a paralyzing stroke, business loss, and a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis.
I cannot fathom how crazy I would be if I didn't know God. In fact, I doubt that I would still be alive today without my greatest hero, because I would have taken my own life along the way.
But because I chose to look to God for help in times of trouble, he restored my peace in a way that no emergency worker, doctor, banker, or therapist could. My greatest source of peace has always been Psalm 91, which I discovered while I awaited surgery for cancer. The first two verses read:
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
The last verse of this Psalm reads:
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.
There is no government guarantee or insurance policy big enough to make promises like God does. He vows to stay with us when tsunamis tear our homes from their foundations. He guarantees that he will rescue us when the storms of life bluster against us. With God, we have everything we need, because whether we survive in this life or not, he promises eternal life with him in heaven.
Today's Challenge
Go to www.biblegateway.com or your own Bible to read all of Psalm 91 today. Begin putting your trust in God, and your peace will grow.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Conflict is the Absence of Peace
We will be learning this week about how to achieve peace in our ongoing series, Thriving in God's Garden. This study is based on the fruit of the Spirit, which is found in Galatians 5:22 (NIV): But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentlenesss and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Got peace?
Before we talk about how to achieve peace, I would like to address what happens when we have an absence of it. Because if we have a disagreement with someone, it can affect everything we do.
If we allow a conflict to go on without speaking our peace, forgiving one another, and reconciling; we can get stuck in a very uncomfortable place. We may find ourselves dreaming about the problem, thinking about the disagreement instead of working, and suffering from depression and physical ailments. We know that we must settle the problem so that we can get back to the business of living.
Some disagreements are relatively easy to settle. When we say something that our spouse takes the wrong way, and he lashes back in defense mode, all it takes is a short discussion to get things back on track.
But when our disagreement involves something as serious as childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, or criminal acts; it is much more difficult to achieve a sense of inner peace. We long for an opportunity to settle the matter so that we can begin our lives over again.
God knows the way to peace.
God's Word reminds us that he desires peace for us, but we get ourselves into situations where we can never achieve it. Isaiah 48:17-22 (NIV) reads:
This is what the Lord says--your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea. Your descendents would have been like the sand, your children like its numberless grains; their name would never be cut off nor destroyed from before me."
Leave Babylon, flee from the Babylonians! Announce this with shouts of joy and proclaim it out to the ends of the earth; say, 'The Lord has redeemed his servant Jacob.' They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts; he made water flow for them from the rock; he split the rock and water gushed out. "There is no peace" says the Lord, "for the wicked."
God knows when we have strayed into wrong relationships, and he will lead us away from them to a place of safety if we trust him. Just as he told the Israelites of long ago to flee from the wicked Babylonians, he is telling us today to flee from wicked people. With them, there can never be peace.
Go to a peaceful place.
If we find ourselves in situations where people are continuing to abuse us or commit crimes against us, we cannot find the lasting peace God wants us to have there. We must find a peaceful place where we can work on restoring our souls.
Sometimes, we are not in a position to remove ourselves from the house or apartment that we share with an abusive partner. In cases like this, finding a little space where we find peace can be a good beginning.
In my first marriage, I discovered a place of safety in the bonus room over our garage. I bought a dead-bolt lock, installed it on the door, and barricaded myself in that room at night so that I could sleep. In my sanctuary, I had time to think about other things besides defending myself against further abuse.
When we find ourselves living like this, our first thoughts should be about how we are going to move to a place of peace. I considered going to a safe house, but doing so would have created tremendous upheaval for my children.
I met women during this time in my life who were running with their children from one safe house to the next. They were terrified of being caught by their abusers, and they lived like criminals on the run. Sadly, the government often treats such abused women as kidnappers when their spouses file charges against them for denying them access to the children.
And when the situation really escalates out of control, women on the run are found dead...murdered by their abusers. I was shocked when I discovered that one of the women in my discussion group had been killed by her husband. He had beaten her to a pulp, and when she tried to run, he drove over her with the family car.
Statistics tell us that 70 percent of women who try to leave abusive relationships are murdered. This is a sobering number, and it ought to make us think hard about how we are going to remove ourselves and our children safely.
Get help.
It is best to enlist the aid of a professional therapist and the police when attempting to leave an abusive relationship. The therapist bolsters our courage, and the police keep an eye on the abuser.
Before leaving, it is imperative to file for a restraining order. This is a court order that is free and relatively easy to obtain. In my state, all I had to do was prove that my abuser had harmed me twice within a span of two weeks.
The proof can be hand-written documentation of threats, photos of injuries, receipts from emergency room treatments, recordings of telephone messages, and so on. The court tends to err on the side of the person claiming the abuse, because people's lives are at stake.
Eventually, there must be a hearing to prove these claims, so this is where the therapist is helpful. It can be terrifying to face an abuser in court, but there are many supportive people who can stand by us in the process.
Conflict leaves many scars.
Achieving a sense of peace takes a long time after surviving an abusive relationship. For years afterward, we may find ourselves looking over our shoulders, expecting our abusers to be following us home.
We often develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of the terror that we have experienced, both within the relationship and after it has ended. It may take us 10 to 20 years to overcome the trauma, provided we have the right therapist helping us. Without help, we may never recover.
It is impossible to achieve a sense of peace if we live in abusive or highly conflicted relationships. I pray that my readers will take action if they find themselves in such a place. Tomorrow, we will look at how to create new lives for ourselves that provide us with more than basic safety.
Today's Challenge
If you are living in an abusive relationship, take steps today to provide yourself and your children with a safe haven. Call or visit a women's shelter for advice on how to safely leave. Take action by making a commitment to meet regularly with a therapist who is well-trained in assisting abused women.
Subscribe to Hope Among the Ashes
To place my posts on your email home page, click on the link on the right side of the page that reads Subscribe to Hope Among the Ashes. Select your email host from the drop-down menu, and you'll receive a daily reminder when I post something new.
Got peace?
Before we talk about how to achieve peace, I would like to address what happens when we have an absence of it. Because if we have a disagreement with someone, it can affect everything we do.
If we allow a conflict to go on without speaking our peace, forgiving one another, and reconciling; we can get stuck in a very uncomfortable place. We may find ourselves dreaming about the problem, thinking about the disagreement instead of working, and suffering from depression and physical ailments. We know that we must settle the problem so that we can get back to the business of living.
Some disagreements are relatively easy to settle. When we say something that our spouse takes the wrong way, and he lashes back in defense mode, all it takes is a short discussion to get things back on track.
But when our disagreement involves something as serious as childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, or criminal acts; it is much more difficult to achieve a sense of inner peace. We long for an opportunity to settle the matter so that we can begin our lives over again.
God knows the way to peace.
God's Word reminds us that he desires peace for us, but we get ourselves into situations where we can never achieve it. Isaiah 48:17-22 (NIV) reads:
This is what the Lord says--your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea. Your descendents would have been like the sand, your children like its numberless grains; their name would never be cut off nor destroyed from before me."
Leave Babylon, flee from the Babylonians! Announce this with shouts of joy and proclaim it out to the ends of the earth; say, 'The Lord has redeemed his servant Jacob.' They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts; he made water flow for them from the rock; he split the rock and water gushed out. "There is no peace" says the Lord, "for the wicked."
God knows when we have strayed into wrong relationships, and he will lead us away from them to a place of safety if we trust him. Just as he told the Israelites of long ago to flee from the wicked Babylonians, he is telling us today to flee from wicked people. With them, there can never be peace.
Go to a peaceful place.
If we find ourselves in situations where people are continuing to abuse us or commit crimes against us, we cannot find the lasting peace God wants us to have there. We must find a peaceful place where we can work on restoring our souls.
Sometimes, we are not in a position to remove ourselves from the house or apartment that we share with an abusive partner. In cases like this, finding a little space where we find peace can be a good beginning.
In my first marriage, I discovered a place of safety in the bonus room over our garage. I bought a dead-bolt lock, installed it on the door, and barricaded myself in that room at night so that I could sleep. In my sanctuary, I had time to think about other things besides defending myself against further abuse.
When we find ourselves living like this, our first thoughts should be about how we are going to move to a place of peace. I considered going to a safe house, but doing so would have created tremendous upheaval for my children.
I met women during this time in my life who were running with their children from one safe house to the next. They were terrified of being caught by their abusers, and they lived like criminals on the run. Sadly, the government often treats such abused women as kidnappers when their spouses file charges against them for denying them access to the children.
And when the situation really escalates out of control, women on the run are found dead...murdered by their abusers. I was shocked when I discovered that one of the women in my discussion group had been killed by her husband. He had beaten her to a pulp, and when she tried to run, he drove over her with the family car.
Statistics tell us that 70 percent of women who try to leave abusive relationships are murdered. This is a sobering number, and it ought to make us think hard about how we are going to remove ourselves and our children safely.
Get help.
It is best to enlist the aid of a professional therapist and the police when attempting to leave an abusive relationship. The therapist bolsters our courage, and the police keep an eye on the abuser.
Before leaving, it is imperative to file for a restraining order. This is a court order that is free and relatively easy to obtain. In my state, all I had to do was prove that my abuser had harmed me twice within a span of two weeks.
The proof can be hand-written documentation of threats, photos of injuries, receipts from emergency room treatments, recordings of telephone messages, and so on. The court tends to err on the side of the person claiming the abuse, because people's lives are at stake.
Eventually, there must be a hearing to prove these claims, so this is where the therapist is helpful. It can be terrifying to face an abuser in court, but there are many supportive people who can stand by us in the process.
Conflict leaves many scars.
Achieving a sense of peace takes a long time after surviving an abusive relationship. For years afterward, we may find ourselves looking over our shoulders, expecting our abusers to be following us home.
We often develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of the terror that we have experienced, both within the relationship and after it has ended. It may take us 10 to 20 years to overcome the trauma, provided we have the right therapist helping us. Without help, we may never recover.
It is impossible to achieve a sense of peace if we live in abusive or highly conflicted relationships. I pray that my readers will take action if they find themselves in such a place. Tomorrow, we will look at how to create new lives for ourselves that provide us with more than basic safety.
Today's Challenge
If you are living in an abusive relationship, take steps today to provide yourself and your children with a safe haven. Call or visit a women's shelter for advice on how to safely leave. Take action by making a commitment to meet regularly with a therapist who is well-trained in assisting abused women.
Subscribe to Hope Among the Ashes
To place my posts on your email home page, click on the link on the right side of the page that reads Subscribe to Hope Among the Ashes. Select your email host from the drop-down menu, and you'll receive a daily reminder when I post something new.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Share Your Joy With Others
We conclude this week's discussion about joy with some thoughts about sharing it with others. This is the second in a nine-part series on the fruit of the Spirit, which I have titled, Thriving in God's Garden.
Be joyful always.
God created us to share his joy with others. The apostle Paul wrote in I Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV), Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Notice that this verse doesn't say, Be joyful when things are going well. God wants us to be joyful all the time. I realize that this is a tall order, but it is something for us to strive for.
Sometimes life causes us tremendous pain, emotional let-downs, grief, and anxiety. Abuse and trauma can leave us with big, gaping emotional wounds.
Ecclesiastes 5:1 and 4 (NIV) tell us, There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. There will be times when it is more appropriate to cry than to laugh, but it doesn't mean that our joy leaves us completely.
Joy is something that remains with us if we know God, even when we are sad about our life circumstances. We may not be happy about what is going on, but we cling to the joy of knowing that God is in control of all things and will work them out for our good.
Romans 8:28 (NIV) reminds us, And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Focus on God, not the pain.
A car accident last year, complicated by a history of multiple sclerosis, has left me with some pretty significant, unrelenting pain. Today, that pain is so severe, it is interfering with my ability to type. If I dwell on it, I may find myself in tears, unable to think or work. If I let the pain take over, I may snap at my husband, my dog, and anyone else I encounter.
On the other hand, if I remember that this pain is temporary and that God is eternal, I can deal with the discomfort. I can greet others with a cheerful smile, interact with them patiently, and share God's joy by not mentioning the pain. Because every time I bring up the pain, I lose an opportunity to remain focused on God's blessings. Talking about the pain empowers it and reduces my joy.
When I walk away from people after telling them about my pain, they feel downcast, and I feel badly. I realize afterward that I didn't encourage them with my complaints, and I missed an opportunity to show them what it means to be joyful always and to be thankful in all circumstances.
Please note that this doesn't mean I should be fake with my closest friends and family members. I can ask them to pray for me so that the pain will become more bearable. But outside of my prayer circle, the only person who needs to know about my pain is my doctor.
When we're struggling with the aftermath of abuse or trauma, it isn't appropriate for us to share our burdens with everyone we meet. Talking with a professional counselor, a few close friends, and a prayer group is sufficient.
Let your joy shine.
When we give up whining about our problems and our pain, we need to replace those negative thoughts and words with positive ones. When we greet people, we need to tell them how blessed we are with a smile on our faces.
Often, we don't have to say anything special to demonstrate to others that we are joyful, knowing that God is in control. Many people have told me that I have inspired them, because I live with MS and still keep smiling. This always surprises me, but I realize that my smile is an encouragement to others, even on days when I am in a lot of pain.
In conclusion, we have learned this week that getting away from abusive or neglectful people can increase our ability to maintain our joy. When we look to God to fulfill all our needs, we become thankful for all that he does to bless us each day. Our joy shows forth through our creative efforts, and it shines for others when we remain focused on God instead of our problems.
Next week, we will continue with this series, Thriving in God's Garden, with a look at peace.
Today's Challenge
If you are struggling with unbearable pain or difficult life circumstances, tell God about them. Ask a few prayer warriors to pray for you. Then, focus on the blessings that God has given you, and let your joy shine for the rest of the world to see.
Be joyful always.
God created us to share his joy with others. The apostle Paul wrote in I Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV), Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Notice that this verse doesn't say, Be joyful when things are going well. God wants us to be joyful all the time. I realize that this is a tall order, but it is something for us to strive for.
Sometimes life causes us tremendous pain, emotional let-downs, grief, and anxiety. Abuse and trauma can leave us with big, gaping emotional wounds.
Ecclesiastes 5:1 and 4 (NIV) tell us, There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. There will be times when it is more appropriate to cry than to laugh, but it doesn't mean that our joy leaves us completely.
Joy is something that remains with us if we know God, even when we are sad about our life circumstances. We may not be happy about what is going on, but we cling to the joy of knowing that God is in control of all things and will work them out for our good.
Romans 8:28 (NIV) reminds us, And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Focus on God, not the pain.
A car accident last year, complicated by a history of multiple sclerosis, has left me with some pretty significant, unrelenting pain. Today, that pain is so severe, it is interfering with my ability to type. If I dwell on it, I may find myself in tears, unable to think or work. If I let the pain take over, I may snap at my husband, my dog, and anyone else I encounter.
On the other hand, if I remember that this pain is temporary and that God is eternal, I can deal with the discomfort. I can greet others with a cheerful smile, interact with them patiently, and share God's joy by not mentioning the pain. Because every time I bring up the pain, I lose an opportunity to remain focused on God's blessings. Talking about the pain empowers it and reduces my joy.
When I walk away from people after telling them about my pain, they feel downcast, and I feel badly. I realize afterward that I didn't encourage them with my complaints, and I missed an opportunity to show them what it means to be joyful always and to be thankful in all circumstances.
Please note that this doesn't mean I should be fake with my closest friends and family members. I can ask them to pray for me so that the pain will become more bearable. But outside of my prayer circle, the only person who needs to know about my pain is my doctor.
When we're struggling with the aftermath of abuse or trauma, it isn't appropriate for us to share our burdens with everyone we meet. Talking with a professional counselor, a few close friends, and a prayer group is sufficient.
Let your joy shine.
When we give up whining about our problems and our pain, we need to replace those negative thoughts and words with positive ones. When we greet people, we need to tell them how blessed we are with a smile on our faces.
Often, we don't have to say anything special to demonstrate to others that we are joyful, knowing that God is in control. Many people have told me that I have inspired them, because I live with MS and still keep smiling. This always surprises me, but I realize that my smile is an encouragement to others, even on days when I am in a lot of pain.
In conclusion, we have learned this week that getting away from abusive or neglectful people can increase our ability to maintain our joy. When we look to God to fulfill all our needs, we become thankful for all that he does to bless us each day. Our joy shows forth through our creative efforts, and it shines for others when we remain focused on God instead of our problems.
Next week, we will continue with this series, Thriving in God's Garden, with a look at peace.
Today's Challenge
If you are struggling with unbearable pain or difficult life circumstances, tell God about them. Ask a few prayer warriors to pray for you. Then, focus on the blessings that God has given you, and let your joy shine for the rest of the world to see.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
