Our Kindness Attracts Kind People

Thank you for joining me for my series, Thriving in God's Garden. This week, we are learning about kindness, which is listed as one of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22.

God always cares for us.
There are times in our lives when we may feel that God doesn't care about us. We may even think of him as a bully with a magnifying glass, frying us under the heat of a scorching sun, as if we were helpless ants.

I know that I have felt that way about God in the past, and I'm certain that many other survivors of abuse and trauma probably experience similar feelings from time to time. But God never forgets us or hurts us, and he often looks for ways to express his kindness through others.

God writes great romances.
The Bible tells the story of Ruth, a very young widow who left her country to travel home with her mother-in-law, Naomi. Ruth stood by Naomi, even when they were starving. When Naomi urged Ruth to go back home to her own family, Ruth refused. She promised to go with Naomi and live with her wherever she chose.

What is really remarkable about the story of Ruth is that God provided her with a kinsman-redeemer: a near relative who was supposed to marry her if her husband died and left her childless. When she found herself in the field of that kinsman-redeemer, whose name was Boaz, we read about Naomi's reaction.

"The Lord bless him!" Naomi said to her daughter-in-law. "He has not stoppd showing his kindness to the living and the dead." (Ruth 2:20 NIV) Naomi meant that Boaz showed kindness to her dead husband by marrying Ruth so that the family name would be carried on. In addition, Boaz's marriage to Ruth saved her, as well as Naomi, from starvation.

I love this story, because Ruth winds up with her hero, Boaz. Ruth wins his love because he admires her faithful kindness toward her mother-in-law.

Like Ruth, we can attract kind people.
As survivors of abuse, we long for others to be kind to us. If we want to experience wonderful outcomes as Ruth did, we must learn to be kind to others...even when it isn't exactly easy.

We don't have to leave our country or face starvation to find ways to be kind. Kindness can be found in gentle words spoken to a child or a pet; in conscious acts of service for others in need; in helping others to overcome a hardship or a loss; in comforting people who have experienced loss; and in many other ways.

The most important thing to remember is that like attracts like. If we are kind to others, they will most likely follow our lead and return our kindnesses. Perhaps our behavior will encouarge them to be kind to others, too.

Today's Challenge
Take a moment today to show kindness to someone in need of it. Whatever you choose to do, carry it out with a smile. It doubles your reward when the recipient smiles back at you.

The Lord is Kind to Us

We continue with our series, Thriving in God's Garden, with a look this week into kindness. Today, I'd like to focus on God's kindness toward us.

Because God loves us, he is kind to us.
In order to learn how to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit--love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control--we must first look to God, who models these attributes for us.

Isaiah 63:7 (NIV) reads, I will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord, the deeds for which he is to be praised, according to all the Lord has done for us... If someone were to ask us if God has been kind to us, how might we answer?

Victims often fail to see God's kindnesses.
Sometimes, victims of abuse and trauma develop a very negative attitude toward God. They become angry with him and claim that he doesn't care what happens to anyone. While bad things may happen, it is because we live in a fallen world, filled with sinners. It is not because God doesn't care.

When we are sad, God understands. Just because our circumstances may make us feel as if no one cares, God always does. He never, ever stops loving us.

I am blessed by God's kindness.
God has been unbelievably kind to me all my life. Even though I suffered childhood sexual abuse, marital abuse, and many illnesses and injuries, God has showered me with kindness.

Although I was born into a very dysfunctional, abusive family, God did not overlook my need for loving and nurturing. He provided it in the form of wonderful neighbors who took me in as if I were one of their own.

One of my sister's friends took me to church when I was five years old, and a nursery volunteer there told me about Jesus. They planted seeds that grew into belief, which led me to surrender my life to Christ. Today, God does not see my sins when he looks at me, because they are hidden by Christ's blood.

When I was diagnosed with stage four cancer, God was unbelievably kind. I begged him for more time to raise my children, and he pulled off a miracle. I was healed of the cancer that was supposed to kill me within months..19 years ago.

When my first marriage fell apart, God remembered me again. He sent Joe Denton into my life to teach me what it really means to have a relationship with Christ, not just a religion. With Joe, I have safety and peace as I have never before experienced at home.

My life has been touched by countless people who have loved me when I have not always been easy to love. Friends have stood by me through MS exacerbations, surgeries, and auto accidents. All of these people, I am certain, were sent to me by God. They are his expression of kindness.

Has God been kind to you?
It's hard to think about God's kindesses toward us if we are unaware of them. When we realize his many acts of loving kindness, it's impossible not to praise him as Isaiah did in the above Bible passage. How has he blessed you?

Today's Challenge
Write down the many ways that God has blessed you, even at times when you were suffering. Find a way to thank him through prayer, song, or sharing your story with someone else.

Be Patient With the Weak

We conclude this week's discussion about patience in my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Next week, we will learn how to develop greater kindness for others as we study Galatians 5:22, known as the fruit of the Spirit. Learning to bear spiritual fruit helps us to thrive in a life that began with abuse.

Be patient with others who are weak.
If someone hands us a screaming infant, most of us have the patience to soothe the child to the best of our ability. Perhaps we check its diaper, try feeding it, burping it, cuddling it, or rocking it. Very few people would simply walk away from a tearful infant, because they know that such little beings are completely helpless and dependent on others for their care.

First Thessalonians 5:14 (NIV) reminds us of how important patience is. It reads, And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.

It's not always easy to be patient with everyone.
Today, I sat through an 8-hour seminar with a woman who was heckling the speaker throughout the day. I kept thinking that if I were up front, I'd ask someone to escort the heckler from the room. In spite of the repeated taunts, the speaker gracefully asked the woman to be patient and wait until later in the day for the information she was seeking.

I talked to the presenter afterward and commended her for her patience. She smiled and said it wasn't easy to keep her cool. But she had reminded herself that it was Good Friday, and she wanted to remain spiritual about the whole situation.

She put herself into the heckler's shoes and tried to see things from her vantage point. Perhaps the heckler was anxious about something and couldn't hear a word that was being said without her fears first being addressed.

The speaker's response to this annoying seminar attendee was a beautiful portrayal of how we need to be patient with people who are difficult. Remembering that God's Word calls us to be patient with everyone, not just helpless infants, can help us in tough situations.

Not all adults are grown-ups.
Some adults may look grown-up, but many are still emotional or spiritual infants in aging bodies. We must do our best to model our behavior after the seminar speaker who saw the heckler as one might view a child demanding candy. Who knows? Maybe our patience with old infants may provide a way for them to learn how to be patient, too.

Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who drives you nuts? Do they challenge your patience? Try to see beyond the adult form and think about what the child within is looking for from you. Perhaps it will lead you to respond with greater patience.

Develop Patient Endurance

This week, we are learning about patience in my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I would like to discuss how we can develop patience endurance when people challenge our beliefs.

We can expect challenges.
Some people believe that when they become Christians, God will take away all of their hardships. This is not true, and in fact, God may allow us to endure even greater challenges to help us grow in our faith.

Second Corinthians 1:6 (NIV) reads, This calls for patient endurance on the part of the people of God who keep his commands and remain faithful to Jesus. What calls for patient endurance? The persecution that we will inevitably face as a result of our belief in God.

We don't have to live in a country where Christianity is forbidden to experience persecution. All we have to do is put our faith into action here in the United States to find ourselves on the receiving end of judgment from our family members, co-workers, and neighbors.

Take a stand on issues such as abortion, same-sex marriage, and other controversial topics; and I can guarantee that someone will call you narrow-minded, ridiculously conservative, or politically incorrect.

How do we develop patient endurance?
All we have to do is look back at the Bible passage above for the answer to this question. Patient endurance develops when we keep God's commands and remain faithful to Jesus.

So if someone asks us to take a stand on a politically-charged question, we simply look into God's Word to see how we should respond. We make up our minds to do what Jesus would in a similar situation. Then, we stick to our guns, even if it makes us unpopular.

We took a stand.
The Bible tells us, We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. (2 Corinthians 6:3 NIV) This passage means that if we live an exemplary life, no one can discredit our faith or our God. This takes tremendous patience and endurance.

To illustrate this concept, Joe and I made a decision when we went into the ministry that we would not drink alcohol. We didn't ever want someone to see us in a restaurant having a glass of wine and judging us. At the same time, we didn't want to drink and encourage others to do the same who might have a problem with excessive alcohol consumption.

This decision has not always made us very popular with family members or friends. At times, it has been downright awkward. But while we were patiently enduring the few snide remarks we have received, we gained far more supportive words of encouragement from people who were like-minded.

So, take a stand on what you believe in. Then patiently endure whatever trials result. Even when it's tough to stick it out, hang in there. The blessings are well worth any temporary trials that we might endure.

Today's Challenge
Have you taken a stand on an issue that has made you unpopular? As abuse survivors, this can be really difficult, because we are frequently meek people pleasers who will do anything to keep the peace. With the help of God's Word, take a stand on something today. Then develop patient endurance by following God's commands and keeping your eyes on Jesus.

Developing Patience in Affliction

We are learning about patience this week as we continue with my series, Thriving in God's Garden. This study is based on Galatians 5:22, known as the fruit of the Spirit.

Be patient in affliction.
The apostle Paul wrote in Romans 12:12 (NIV), Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. We've already learned how to increase our joy, and we're going to look at faithfulness in a few weeks. For today, I'd like to focus on being patient during times of affliction.

As survivors of abuse or trauma, most of us have a pretty good idea what it means to be afflicted. Abuse and trauma leave us with anger, fear, lack of trust, poor self-esteem, guilt, thoughts of revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. So how are we supposed to be patient while dealing with these problems?

Affliction can help us to develop patience.
Several years ago, I suffered from an illness that caused complete paralysis of my left arm and leg. My arm began functioning again relatively quickly, but my leg took months.

Paralysis meant that I spent months on end, lying in bed at home by myself while Joe and the kids went off during the day to work and school. Staring at my bedroom walls nearly drove me insane. I finally discovered two things that helped.

First, God's Word helped me to focus on his promises for my future. Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) was especially helpful: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I put all of my hope in this promise for a better future.

Second, creating a new purpose for myself made a big difference. I got a laptop and began writing short stories just to entertain myself.

One Sunday morning, a man I had never met approached me in my wheelchair to ask if he could pray for me. While he was wheeling me out of church after services to help me get in my car, he asked how I spent my time. When I told him I was a writer, he offered me a job on the spot as an editor for one of the medical journals that he published.

Don't dwell on the pain.
No matter what type of afflicton we are dealing with, we must trust that God has a better future for us. If we are patient and look to him for guidance, he will line up the right people at the right time so that doors open for us unexpectedly.

So, be patient if you're suffering through a hard time right now. God knows what plans he has for you. Read his promises and find something to occupy your mind until he brings about a change for the better.

Today's Challenge
If you're stuck in a difficult situation, find something productive to do that will take your mind off the pain. Follow your heart's desire in choosing a new activity, and God will do something good with it.

Patience Can Calm a Quarrel

We continue today with our discussion about patience as part of my series, Thriving in God's Garden We are learning to apply the fruit of the Spirit to our lives, as found in Galatians 5:22.

What are you bickering about?
Proverbs 15:18 (NIV) tells us, A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.

We learned last week that a great deal of conflict stems from relationships with people who don't know God. What are you bickering about with them? Finances? The sharing of household duties? The way you spend your free time? Issues with child rearing? Something else?

We all have disagreements with others that try our patience. But if we can maintain our composure and take the time we need to avoid quarreling, we grow stronger and more confident. Exercising patience develops our ability to exhibit greater self-control.

Close your mouth and listen.
Often, an argument could be avoided if we simply took more time to listen. We get into shouting matches with people, because we want them to hear our point of view. We forget that theirs may be just as important.

So, if we find ourselves disagreeing loudly with someone, we need to zip our lips and try to use some patience. We should listen carefully to what is being said. Looking for underlying messages that the person may be having trouble expressing can be helpful.

Abusers talk in circles.
We discovered yesterday that wisdom helps us to be patient with others. Arguments with abusers may require more than patience. Knowing that abusive people tend to talk in circles can help us to reduce the number of arguments we have with them.

Circular arguing starts out with a disagreement about an issue, turns the blame on us, and then demands an apology for something we haven't done. For example, a husband may blame his wife for spoiling their evening together, even though she did her best to prepare dinner on time and put the children to bed on schedule.

In reality, the husband may have spoiled their time together with critical comments directed at his wife, impatience with the children, and unrealistic demands. When the wife tries to point out the obvious, he brings up numerous past incidents to make her feel guilty. When he demands an apology from her, her temper flares. She knows that most of the trouble is not her fault, but he's like a rabid dog that won't let her loose.

It is not easy to be patient with verbal abusers, because we know deep down that they're wrong when they blame us for things they have done. There is no winning an argument with them. So, instead of shouting louder or trying to use better logic on them, we must just end the conversation. We can quit talking or walk away.

Practice deflecting verbal abuse.
I learned a very helpful technique in deflecting the hurtful words of abusive people. Our body language can send a powerful message to them, which they pick up on much more quickly than words.

We can cross our arms, cross our legs, and look to the side. Most importantly, we must stop responding. These gestures work wonders to throw an abuser off balance. Within minutes, his blustering ends, and he walks away in frustration. Refusing to engage in quarreling with an abuser is an excellent way to develop patience. It also helps us move closer to recovery.

Today's Challenge
Practice deflecting an argument with an abusive person today. Try the body language suggested above and see what happens. Then, try to encourage conversation with someone else who is healthier by looking into their eyes, setting aside other tasks, and paraphrasing what they have said. This type of response to them helps us to develop patience and understanding.

Patience Grows with Wisdom

We begin week four of our nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden. This study is based on Galatians 5:22, which is commonly known as the fruit of the Spirit. Today, I would like to look at how wisdom affects our ability to develop patience.

Got wisdom?
When we develop wisdom and the maturity to use it to deal with life's challenges, we also develop patience. Proverbs 29:11 (NIV) tells us, A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays his folly.

Allow me to illustrate what this passage of Scripture means. We have a new puppy in our house, a toy poodle named Zibby. I have never owned a toy breed before, so I spent her first weeks reading everything I could find.

I discovered that while most dogs can be housebroken and left for a number of hours at home alone without accidents, toy dogs cannot. Their bladders are about the size of a kidney bean, and they rarely acquire the ability to wait for hours on end to go potty.

If I didn't learn this about my dog, I might have expectations for her housebreaking that would be unfair to her. But, since I have gained understanding about her, I am more patient with her. I don't yell at her if she has an accident, and I don't leave her alone for more than a few hours.

Strive for understanding in your relationships.
Proverbs 19:11 (NIV) reads, A man's wisdom gives him patience. In other words, we must apply ourselves to learning more if we want to become more patient people.

Just as I learned about my dog's development, we can all learn a little something about the people who live with us or in our neighborhoods. Studying child development may help us to understand our children's limitations or the phases our teens are struggling to overcome.

Reading or attending seminars about marriage can be very helpful in developing patience with our spouses. Every spouse has strengths and weaknesses, and we can learn to be more patient with them if we understand what their limitations are.

We may grow in wisdom and patience if we study a little bit about our neighbors who come from cultures which are different from our own. I have learned a great deal by reading about and meeting people from other countries. Taking the time to listen to them, in spite of the language barriers that we face, has helped me to understand them and patiently wait for them to express themselves.

Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who needs your understanding today? A child? A teen? A spouse? A neighbor? A coworker? Take some time to gain some wisdom about them, and watch your patience grow.