A Good Wife is Priceless

We are learning about goodness this week in my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I would like to look at how the Bible defines a good wife, as found in Proverbs 31:10-31. Space does not permit me to copy the entire text here. Please go to your Bible or www.biblegateway.com to read it.

A good wife is a husband's best asset.
Proverbs 31:1 tells us that a good wife is worth far more than rubies. Whatever she does brings her husband added value. She never does anything to harm him.

Can we say this about ourselves? How many of us complain about our husbands' faults to our friends? Is this adding value to him or detracting from his worth?

A good wife is industrious.
Proverbs 31 tells us that a good wife is industrious. She takes care of the affairs of her household, managing meals, clothing, and the family home.

Are we handling these things as well as we could? Or is there room for improvement? Are we taking care of the things we can? Or are we sitting back and resenting our husbands for failing to take care of the bills, the car, or the house?

A good wife goes out into the world and uses money wisely. She invests to ensure outstanding returns, produces outcomes that are profitable, and still makes sure that her family gets her best.

Are we handling our money well? Or are we spending our husbands into the poorhouse?

A good husband does not inhibit his wife's growth.
I came across an article today about a jihadist group magazine known as Al-Shamikha (The Majestic Woman). It features interviews with the wives of extremist martyrs. The magazine advises women to stay indoors, because they claim that this practice promotes modesty and a good complexion.

I don't believe that such advice is godly or wise. Staying indoors keeps a woman from using her mind to earn money, to help the needy, or to learn about her rights. An ignorant, penniless woman will assuredly remain an abused woman.

What do you think about this Arabic magazine's opinion?

A good wife speaks with wisdom.
Whenever we open our mouths, Proverbs 31 tells us that wise words ought to come out. Where do we find that wisdom? In the Bible, at church, and among other mature Christians. We can also read both religious and secular materials to help us understand how to deal with relationships, our careers, our finances, and our health.

Whenever we come across something, such as the advice given in Al-Shamikha, we can compare it to the truth of God's Word. If it is in direct conflict with Biblical concepts, we must reject it. Further study of the Bible will help us to discover God's plan for becoming a good wife.

How are you doing in gaining wisdom? Are wise words coming out of your mouth, or do you frequently sound as if you ought to be an interviewee on the Jerry Springer show?

I struggle to speak words of wisdom.
I do my best to speak with wisdom, as described above. But of all my faults, the one that bothers me the most is when I say something negative to others, particularly my husband. I can see on others' faces the disappointment of having to listen to my negativity.

As a survivor of abuse, it is often easier to speak about the negative than it is the positive. At times, I know this is the voice of depression, which is a common occurrence among survivors of abuse. Even after we've dealt with the depression, the habit of speaking negatively may remain.

We can combat this problem by paying attention to the effect our words have on others. If we see that we have discouraged someone with our speech, we can try to shift the conversation to a happier topic. We can also make a mental note to avoid negativity as much as possible.

A good wife enjoys the praises of her family.
Mother's Day is coming up on Sunday. What do our husbands and children have to say about us? Are we continually striving to become the best that we can be, or have we fallen short in one of the areas above?

If we have been working hard to overcome abuse and trauma, others should be able to see our goodness in the way that we manage our homes, our work, and our relationships. The final two verses of Proverbs 31 read, Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

What kind of praise will you be receiving this Mother's Day?

Today's Challenge
Have you become your husband's greatest asset? Take a few moments today to jot down the ways that you exhibit goodness as a wife. If you're not married, think of yourself as Christ's bride. If you see gaps in your skill set as a wife, study Proverbs 31 to discover how to improve. The praise you will later receive is well worth the effort.

Plan Good to Find Love

This week, we are learning about how we can do good to those around us. This is a continuation of my series, Thriving in God's Garden, which is based on Galatians 5:22.

Life coaches recommend making plans.
Most of us are searching for ways to find happiness, success, and love. Life coaches often advise that we set goals and then make plans to help us reach our goals. In doing so, we fast-forward ourselves to achieving our dreams.

Proverbs 14:22 (NIV) supports this theory, but it also includes a warning. It reads, Do not those who plot evil go astray? But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness.

Our plans must be good ones.
Making plans can propel us toward our dreams, but if we plan to do evil, we cannot expect blessings. Osama bin Laden plotted evil to kill innocent people through terrorism. As a result, he was hunted down and killed. Many people associated with him, including his family members, are suffering as a result of his evil goals.

While we are working toward our goals, we must find ways to give goodness to others. In my case, if I set a goal to sell a million copies of my latest novel, I must make sure that it benefits others in some way. I'm hoping that survivors of abuse and trauma will find Among the Ashes entertaining, as well as insightful. However, I have also decided to donate a percentage of all my book profits to organizations that help abused women and children.

I cannot step on others' toes or take advantage of people just to sell more books. At every turn, I must think of giving away good as much as I look forward to receiving blessings from my plans.

Today's Challenge
What goals have you set for yourself? Do your plans bring you closer to God? Do they benefit others? Will your goals help you to find love and faithfulness? If not, look for ways to revise your plans so that they will bring about good for everyone involved.

Among the Ashes is coming soon!
Cheryl Denton's mystery thriller about a young woman suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder is in production and will be ready for distribution this summer. It will be available in paperback, as well as e-book versions.

Do Not Withhold Good

We continue today with our thoughts about goodness as we study the fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. This is a continuation of my nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden.

We have the power to do good.
As victims of childhood abuse or domestic violence, we are acutely aware when there is a lack of good. Many of us experienced how it felt when the people we looked to for nurturing withheld good from us. Neglect harmed us just as much as physical blows or sexual molestation.

Proverbs 3:27 (NIV) tells us, Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. God wants us to lavish deserving people with good things, just as he showers us with blessings. Even when we don't believe that we have much to offer others, God equips us to bless them.

Good acts are often free.
We can give away so much goodness every day in simple ways. If we look for opportunities to do good for people we meet, we will undoubtedly find them. A simple smile and a warm greeting may cheer someone who is having a hard day. Taking a few moments to help an elderly neighbor, a small child, or a co-worker can make a huge difference.

Coming up with imaginative ways to do good for our spouses can strengthen our marriages. We can look for ways to tell our mates that they are special. Picking fresh flowers, giving a back rub, preparing a favorite meal, sending a card to their workplace, leaving love notes in surprising places, or filling up the car with gas without being asked are all ways to do good for our partners.

Our children may see our goodness more readily if we show up unexpectedly at school with treats for everyone in class, or take extra time to play board games, or read a little longer at bedtime.

The poor and needy need our goodness most of all.
Many church and community organizations serve the poor and needy, who need to experience God's goodness. Volunteers often become like Jesus with skin on to those who are struggling.

Our church organized a large group to go out on Christmas morning to distribute blankets to homeless people in our inner-city. It was a frigid day, and we were shivering in our warm coats, hats, and gloves.

We encountered an elderly man who was appreciative of our gift of a blanket. As we were walking away, he asked if we had any gloves. Without a moment's hesitation, one of our volunteers removed his own leather gloves and handed him to the homeless man. This provided me with a wonderful example of giving goodness whenever it is in our power to act.

How often do you say yes to requests for help?
When someone asks you for help, are you the type of person who responds immediately? Or do you generally put off others, telling them you'll think about it?

This passage from Proverbs tells us not to withhold good from those who deserve it. Of course, we must use discernment so that con artists do not take advantage of us. We can't give our kids everything they demand, or we will spoil them. But whenever it is in our power to act, we should give quickly and generously to those who are truly in need.

Perhaps we will be the one person who gives good to an abused child or a battered woman. We may extend goodness at a time when victims of abuse or trauma have lost all hope.

In the past week, many of our southern states were torn apart by mile-wide tornadoes. Joe and I drove through some of those areas today, and we were taken aback by the damage we observed. Surely, victims of such disasters deserve our swift responses so that they will know God has not forgotten them.

Today's Challenge
Look for opportunities today to do something good for others. If they are deserving, give swiftly and generously. In doing so, someone may see for the first time the goodness of God through you.

From Evil to Good

This week, we will be learning about goodness, which is one of the fruits of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. It reads, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. We are currently in the sixth week of my nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden.

We were the victims of evil.
When others mistreated us and used our bodies for their own perverse pleasures, we found ourselves the victims of evil. Many times, we were told that childhood sexual abuse or marital sexual abuse was love, but it was not true. Mankind often labels evil as good, which causes tremendous confusion within our minds and spirits.

Love is good. Evil never is. The prophet Isaiah warned God's people against this practice of calling evil good. He wrote, Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. (Isaiah 5:20 NIV)

Mankind calls many evil things good.
We are surrounded today by evil things that our culture labels as good. Women's rights activists claim that abortion is good, because it gives a woman better choices. From an ethical perspective, this argument takes the outcome (freedom from the burden of raising a child) to justify the means (murder of an unborn child).

There are many other examples of people using the ends to justify the means. Whenever we look at these situations, there is always controversy.

Dr. Kivorkian wanted to free people from pain, so he helped them to commit suicide. When plantation owners wanted to capitalize on their crops here in the US 200 years ago, they captured men and women from Africa and enslaved them. Wars have been started over this issue of calling evil good. In all such unethical situations, someone called evil good, and mankind bought the lie.

God uses evil to save people.
The Bible tells the story of one of God's greatest heroes. Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers while he was still a young boy. When he arrived in Egypt, he found himself serving the Pharaoh. Just when things were looking up, the queen accused Joseph of assaulting her. He got thrown into prison, but because he had a gift of interpreting dreams, he was able to make his way back into the Pharaoh's good graces.

A famine struck the entire Middle East, and Joseph discovered his own brothers one day at his feet, begging for food. He held such power over them, they were terrified. They expected him to have them thrown into prison forever, but instead, he forgave them.

He said to his brothers, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Gen 50:19-20 NIV)

Sometimes, we find ourselves at the mercy of evil people, just as Joseph did. We may go for years on end without relief. But then we get a break, and we suddenly see why God allowed our suffering. That's when we realize that mankind may set out to do evil to us, but God will use it for our good.

Today's Challenge
What evil things have you been experiencing? If you're in the midst of a lot of conflict, keep looking up. God will turn things around in your favor eventually, and you'll understand how he intended the evil for your good.

God is Kind When He Disciplines Us

We conclude this week with one final lesson on kindness. This is a continuation of my nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden. It is based on the fruit of the Spirit, found in Galatians 5:22. Next week, we will learn about goodness.

God's kindness often goes together with discipline.
We have learned this week that God is kind. He cares for us when we are in trouble, and he shows us kindnesses when we don't deserve it. We must remember, however, that God is not lopsidedly kind, no matter what. If we break his commands, we can count on being disciplined, but we can be sure that God will sprinkle in a little kindness with the upbraiding.

Romans 11:21 (MSG) reads, If God didn't think twice about taking pruning shears to the natural branches, why would he hesitate over you? He wouldn't give it a second thought. Make sure you stay alert to these qualities of gentle kindness and ruthless severity that exist side by side in God—ruthless with the deadwood, gentle with the grafted shoot. But don't presume on this gentleness. The moment you become deadwood, you're out of there.

This passage points out the importance of remaining true to God's Word by acting in ways that are acceptable to him. If we claim to be Christians, but we act as if we know nothing about God's commands, we'll become deadwood that he'll prune away and throw into the fire.

If we have received the Holy Spirit through belief in Christ and baptism, the Spirit will lead us to want to please God. A person who is walking with God in truth shows by his outward behavior that he belongs to God. People who have not received the Spirit struggle to behave well, because our human nature drives us to sin.

Are you a grafted shoot, firmly rooted in God's ways or deadwood at risk of being burned in the fire?

Our kindness toward our own children must include discipline, too.
As parents, we know that showing our children only kindnesses will inevitably result in kids who are spoiled brats. There is an old saying that good leaders/parents rule with an iron fist in a velvet glove. In other words, we must be firm with our children and discipline them when necessary. But we must also love them and show them kindnesses so that they won't become discouraged by the discipline.

As survivors of abuse, many of us grew up with only harsh discipline or very little of the kindnesses. Don't make the common mistake of going overboard with your children, spoiling them and withholding discipline. Discipline is not the same as abuse, even though it may have felt like that to us when we were small.

Today's Challenge
Consider times when God has disciplined you. What kindnesses did he show you while he was correcting you? How have you been disciplining your own children? If you've been harsh, begin adding in a little kindness along the way. If you've been too lenient, step up the discipline.

Leave an Inheritance of Kindness

We are learning this week about kindness in my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I want to show you how to leave behind an inheritance of kindness for your children.

Buy stock in kindness.
We can read in 2 Samuel 9 about how kindness paid off for a man named Jonathan. He was King David's best friend and he served the king faithfully throughout his life. The two were closer than brothers, and when Jonathan died, David went in search of his children.

In all the land, there was only one son of Jonathan remaining: a man named Mephibosheth who was crippled in both feet. The following verses recount what happened when the two met each other.

When Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David, he bowed down to pay him honor.

David said, "Mephibosheth!"

"Your servant," he replied.

"Don't be afraid," David said to him, "For I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table."

Mephibosheth bowed down and said, "What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?" (2 Samuel 9:6-8 NIV)

Mephibosheth was blown away by the king's kindness. As a cripple, he was considered very unworthy in his day. To receive such a huge honor as eating at the king's table daily was beyond belief.

Imagine how surprised we would be if the President showed up on our doorstep to tell us that we were being given all of the land that the United States acquired during the Louisiana Purchase. We would probably stand there with our mouths hanging open if he told us that we were going to dine at the White House every night for the rest of our lives. Consider how much more shocked we would be if the President told us that we were receiving this gift because our parents had been kind to him.

The point is that when we are kind to others, they will remember our families and their needs after we are gone. What great life insurance!

What kind of legacy are you leaving your children?
Many of us worry about how our children will survive financially after we are dead. But how many of us think about other ways to bless them? If we are kind to others today, it may pay off in huge rewards later for our children, just as it did for Jonathan's son, Mephibosheth. What are you leaving behind?

Today's Challenge
Begin investing in your children's future today. Find ways to be kind to others, and the future returns will be given to your children.

Unworthy of Kindness

Thank you for joining me today as we continue with my series, Thriving in God's Garden. I would like to reflect on a passage of Scripture from Genesis 32:10. It is a prayer that was spoken by Jacob, one of ancient Israel's greatest leaders. It reads, I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups.

Jacob had done a lot of things in his lifetime to merit God's wrath. He tricked his own brother out of his inheritance, and he came up with a clever scheme of breeding livestock so that he became wealthier than his father-in-law, who was his business partner.

Jacob certainly didn't deserve God's kindness, but he received it anyway. He wound up with two wives and so many children that they actually made up two large groups of people.

As humans, we often consider what is fair. God, however, sometimes surprises us by blessing people who are unworthy, as Jacob was.

Is someone in your life unworthy of kindness?
As survivors of abuse, we often view our perpetrators as less worthy than anyone else of receiving kindness. We don't think God should give it to them, and we certainly aren't knocking ourselves out to express it to them.

I have been finding it extremely difficult to think of ways to express kindness to my parents right now. They are angry. For months, they have been blaming me for my father's jail sentence after he molested several children in the family. My mother is a powder keg, igniting in anger with little or no provocation toward family members who try to talk to her. I struggle with the mistaken belief that my parents are not worthy of love or kindness.

How do we express kindness to unworthy people?
It is difficult to understand why God made Jacob rich beyond his wildest dreams, considering that he was a con artist and a liar. Nevertheless, God showed him kindness. Why? Because he loved Jacob, just as he loves all of his children.

No one is worthy of God's love and kindness. I certainly am not. I may not be a con artist, a child molester, or convicted criminal, but I sure have acted in ways that have disappointed God over the years. My greatest fault has probably been an inability to forgive swiftly and completely. I'm still working on that.

But when I consider that God is kind to me, even when I don't deserve it, it makes me realize that I ought to be kind to others who don't seem worthy. My mother's brother died this week, and I finally let down my guard long enough to sign a sympathy card and mail it to her. When I considered how sad she must be, I simply couldn't withhold love any longer.

Perhaps the card will spawn more verbal abuse out of my mother. I hope not, but it was a risk I felt that I needed to take. I spend an inordinate amount of time making quilts to comfort families who have lost loved ones. I felt that sending my own mother a card was the least I could do. Perhaps this act of kindness will be received as a peace offering.

Whether we think that a person is worthy of kindness or not, God always believes that they are. He sees the orignal creation, before the world left its mark on the children he designed. Whenever possible, we must find ways to express kindness to all of God's people, because he gives it so freely to us.

Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who seems unworthy of kindness? If it is safe to do so, find a way to express God's love to them. Send a card, carry out a small act of service, or call them to say hello. If you're having trouble accepting the fact that they are worthy, remember that no one is worthy of God's love, but he expresses it through kindnesses anyway.