We are learning how to be more courageous through my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I would like to consider the one thing in our lives that makes us light up on the inside like nothing else does. When we discover it, our confidence soars.
Pay attention to your soul's passion.
For each of us, there is one thing that really lights up our soul when we do it. In my case, that one thing is writing. When I sit down at the computer, words flow effortlessly. I lose track of time when working on novels, and I spend all of my free time daydreaming about my next plot twist or point of growth in a character.
That one thing that lights up our soul is the reason why we were sent to earth. It is our life's purpose. When we focus on fulfilling our purpose in this world, our confidence soars. Why? Because God has wired us to do this one thing better than anyone else can.
Many things bring us pleasure, but only one pursuit lights our fire.
We often get confused about what our purpose is, because many things bring us pleasure. In my case, I love playing the piano, dancing with a strong lead, and singing. Jumping over a six-foot brick wall on the back of a horse gives me a charge, and so does snuggling up on the sofa with my poodle.
But none of these things fulfill me as much as writing does. These activities fill my heart with joy, but I don't feel that the world would be worse off if I didn't pursue them.
I do, however, believe that without my voice, many survivors of abuse and trauma would continue to suffer. Knowing that I am helping a fellow survivor to thrive brings me incredible peace. When I hear from my readers that my words have encouraged them, my heart finds incredible joy.
Three tests for discovering our life's purpose
While many pursuits bring me pleasure, they are not my life's purpose. How do I know? There are three tests in figuring out what our purpose is:
1. It is something that consumes our thoughts during the day, enters into our dreams at night, and wakes us up with brilliant new insights most mornings.
2. It is an activity that we would be willing to engage in for at least eight hours every day for the rest of our lives, without ever getting tired of it. We lose all track of time when fulfilling our purpose.
3. We feel so passionate about our need to engage in this activity that we would be willing to do it without pay or recognition. There is a void in the world that we feel must be fulfilled, and we recognize that if we don't do it, no one else will.
God is the source of our soul's passion.
Jesus tells us in John 15:5 (MSG) I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you're joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can't produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples.
This doesn't mean that we're supposed to literally grow grapes. Jesus used figures of speech to make many important points. His message here reminds us that we will discover our life's passion when we spend time daily reading the Bible and praying for direction. And once the Lord has revealed to us what we're supposed to be doing, he'll provide abundant success for us, as long as we remain firmly connected to him.
Today's Challenge
Have you identified your life's purpose? If not, begin thinking about which activities bring you pleasure. Take note of what you're dreaming about doing, and consider whether or not an activity is so important to you that you would do it all day long without pay. Ask God to direct you to that one thing which will light up your soul.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Give Yourself Credit for Past Successes
Welcome back to my series, Confident in God's Hands. We are learning how to build our self-esteem through practical changes which all of us can implement. Today, we are going to take a look at past successes.
Focus on the success, not the fear.
When I was a kindergarten teacher, I frequently encountered mothers who were very worried about their younger children, not the ones in my class. They would tell me that my current student had been potty trained early, and with little difficulty. But the sibling was months overdue...as far as the mother was concerned...in mastering the use of the potty.
I would always ask these mothers the same question: "Are you potty trained?"
They would inevitably laugh and say, "Of course!"
I would tell them, "You and I are both potty trained. Your kindergarten student is, too. The odds are good that this second child will eventually succeed...in his own time."
Like nervous mothers of pre-schoolers, we fear that we will never succeed at something which is important to us. We compare ourselves to others and become completely neurotic if we haven't done as well as our peers in the same period of time. This is ridiculous, and we must stop if we are going to ever achieve the success that God wants for us.
When does God want us to succeed?
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (MSG) tells us, There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth. God's timing always seems to be completely contrary to ours. We pin ourselves down to a schedule for succeeding and wind up making ourselves feel like failures when we don't reach our goals. This practice keeps us focused on failure, instead of success.
We must focus on our ability to succeed, not on our fears or our deadlines. Both can completely destroy our confidence. By looking back at our past successes and giving ourselves a little latitude with timing, we can think ourselves into future success.
Set goals, but remember past achievements, too.
It's great to set achievable goals and to put end dates on them, as long as we don't beat ourselves up if we're a little overdue. When we get hung up on what seems to be a failure, we must look back at what we've achieved.
After suffering a closed head injury a decade ago, I couldn't walk, talk, or type. Words came out of my mouth that made no sense, and my typing looked like Greek. I set goals for myself to quickly recover the abilities I had lost. God had something else in mind.
My recovery was anything but swift. It took me nine months to re-learn how to walk, talk, and type. I still struggle with residual issues, such as tremors and short-term memory loss. But today, when ongoing difficulties threaten to steal my confidence, I remind myself that I achieved some pretty big goals in the past. Focusing on those accomplishments gives me the courage to tackle whatever comes my way.
My mind is a powerful tool in this process, because I will get whatever I think I can do. If all I think of is failure, that's what I will continue to get. On the other hand, if I envision myself succeeding, I will most likely achieve my goals...when God thinks that the timing is right.
Celebrate both big and small successes.
Some successes may be big for us, such as learning to live at peace with a chronic illness, defeating the emotional pain caused by abuse, or bravely carrying the scars that remain after a traumatic event. Other successes may be little ones, such as dealing patiently with rude people, sitting peacefully in traffic jams, or recovering an important paper that was lost.
Whether our successes have been big or small, we must celebrate them all. If we're convinced that we'll never succeed at anything, we have to remember the little things, such as the fact that we're all potty trained. From that point onward, it becomes easier to remember that we are all successful, but in different ways and in God's time.
Today's Challenge
With pen and paper, sit down and list your lifetime achievements. It's easy to remember the big milestones, such as graduating from school or landing a job. But don't forget the small stuff, such as getting a gold star on a handwriting paper in third grade or befriending a new kid at school. When we add to this list daily and review it frequently, we bolster our confidence and empower ourselves to take on new challenges.
Focus on the success, not the fear.
When I was a kindergarten teacher, I frequently encountered mothers who were very worried about their younger children, not the ones in my class. They would tell me that my current student had been potty trained early, and with little difficulty. But the sibling was months overdue...as far as the mother was concerned...in mastering the use of the potty.
I would always ask these mothers the same question: "Are you potty trained?"
They would inevitably laugh and say, "Of course!"
I would tell them, "You and I are both potty trained. Your kindergarten student is, too. The odds are good that this second child will eventually succeed...in his own time."
Like nervous mothers of pre-schoolers, we fear that we will never succeed at something which is important to us. We compare ourselves to others and become completely neurotic if we haven't done as well as our peers in the same period of time. This is ridiculous, and we must stop if we are going to ever achieve the success that God wants for us.
When does God want us to succeed?
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (MSG) tells us, There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth. God's timing always seems to be completely contrary to ours. We pin ourselves down to a schedule for succeeding and wind up making ourselves feel like failures when we don't reach our goals. This practice keeps us focused on failure, instead of success.
We must focus on our ability to succeed, not on our fears or our deadlines. Both can completely destroy our confidence. By looking back at our past successes and giving ourselves a little latitude with timing, we can think ourselves into future success.
Set goals, but remember past achievements, too.
It's great to set achievable goals and to put end dates on them, as long as we don't beat ourselves up if we're a little overdue. When we get hung up on what seems to be a failure, we must look back at what we've achieved.
After suffering a closed head injury a decade ago, I couldn't walk, talk, or type. Words came out of my mouth that made no sense, and my typing looked like Greek. I set goals for myself to quickly recover the abilities I had lost. God had something else in mind.
My recovery was anything but swift. It took me nine months to re-learn how to walk, talk, and type. I still struggle with residual issues, such as tremors and short-term memory loss. But today, when ongoing difficulties threaten to steal my confidence, I remind myself that I achieved some pretty big goals in the past. Focusing on those accomplishments gives me the courage to tackle whatever comes my way.
My mind is a powerful tool in this process, because I will get whatever I think I can do. If all I think of is failure, that's what I will continue to get. On the other hand, if I envision myself succeeding, I will most likely achieve my goals...when God thinks that the timing is right.
Celebrate both big and small successes.
Some successes may be big for us, such as learning to live at peace with a chronic illness, defeating the emotional pain caused by abuse, or bravely carrying the scars that remain after a traumatic event. Other successes may be little ones, such as dealing patiently with rude people, sitting peacefully in traffic jams, or recovering an important paper that was lost.
Whether our successes have been big or small, we must celebrate them all. If we're convinced that we'll never succeed at anything, we have to remember the little things, such as the fact that we're all potty trained. From that point onward, it becomes easier to remember that we are all successful, but in different ways and in God's time.
Today's Challenge
With pen and paper, sit down and list your lifetime achievements. It's easy to remember the big milestones, such as graduating from school or landing a job. But don't forget the small stuff, such as getting a gold star on a handwriting paper in third grade or befriending a new kid at school. When we add to this list daily and review it frequently, we bolster our confidence and empower ourselves to take on new challenges.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Admit Your Mistakes and Move On
We are learning how to be more courageous through my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I would like to consider how we get mired down by our past. As survivors, many of us get stuck there, because we believe that we can't shake off the mistakes we've made.
Even successful people make mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes, but truly successful people don't give up. Consider some famous people who overcame their past mistakes to achieve incredible success.
In his early years, teachers told Thomas Edison that he was "too stupid to learn anything." He didn't fare much better in his career, either. He was fired from his first two jobs for not being productive enough. Even as an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. Of course, all those unsuccessful attempts finally resulted in the design that worked.
Most people know Oprah as one of the most iconic faces on TV. However, she was fired from her job as a television reporter, because she was told that she was "unfit for tv." But she didn't let her past mistakes dictate who she would become, and today she is one of the richest and most successful women in the world.
Back in 1954, Elvis Presley was a nobody, and Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired Elvis after just one performance. He told him, "You ain't goin' nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck." Elvis didn't let his mistakes stop him, and he went on to become one of the most memorable musicians of the twentieth century.
God loved us first.
The Bible tells us, My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.
(1 John 4:8 MSG)
We can see from this passage that God loved us first, and then he sent Jesus to die for our sins. It doesn't say that he waited for us to be perfect, and then he sent Jesus to take us to heaven. So if we're bypassing opportunities because we feel that we don't measure up in God's sight, it's time to rethink how we're operating. With God on our side, we can admit our mistakes and get on with our lives.
Move on.
If we're holding ourselves back because of mistakes we've made in the past, we must admit where we've gone wrong, learn from our errors, and move on. By constantly self-checking and improving our outcomes, we can succeed.
If other people are telling us that we're making mistakes, we must consider whether or not there is any truth in what they're saying. If there is, we will have to work at changing. If they're simply the type of people who constantly drag us down with criticism, we must ignore them or leave them behind.
God knows where we are going in this life and in the next. We can't let our mistakes of the past or other people's opinions of us hold us back. With a little faith in ourselves and belief in God's love for us, we can accomplish just about anything.
Today's Challenge
Decide today to take a chance on something you've always wanted to do, even if you have always believed that your past failures will hold you back. Admit your mistakes, learn from them, and move on!
Even successful people make mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes, but truly successful people don't give up. Consider some famous people who overcame their past mistakes to achieve incredible success.
In his early years, teachers told Thomas Edison that he was "too stupid to learn anything." He didn't fare much better in his career, either. He was fired from his first two jobs for not being productive enough. Even as an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. Of course, all those unsuccessful attempts finally resulted in the design that worked.
Most people know Oprah as one of the most iconic faces on TV. However, she was fired from her job as a television reporter, because she was told that she was "unfit for tv." But she didn't let her past mistakes dictate who she would become, and today she is one of the richest and most successful women in the world.
Back in 1954, Elvis Presley was a nobody, and Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired Elvis after just one performance. He told him, "You ain't goin' nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck." Elvis didn't let his mistakes stop him, and he went on to become one of the most memorable musicians of the twentieth century.
God loved us first.
The Bible tells us, My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.
(1 John 4:8 MSG)
We can see from this passage that God loved us first, and then he sent Jesus to die for our sins. It doesn't say that he waited for us to be perfect, and then he sent Jesus to take us to heaven. So if we're bypassing opportunities because we feel that we don't measure up in God's sight, it's time to rethink how we're operating. With God on our side, we can admit our mistakes and get on with our lives.
Move on.
If we're holding ourselves back because of mistakes we've made in the past, we must admit where we've gone wrong, learn from our errors, and move on. By constantly self-checking and improving our outcomes, we can succeed.
If other people are telling us that we're making mistakes, we must consider whether or not there is any truth in what they're saying. If there is, we will have to work at changing. If they're simply the type of people who constantly drag us down with criticism, we must ignore them or leave them behind.
God knows where we are going in this life and in the next. We can't let our mistakes of the past or other people's opinions of us hold us back. With a little faith in ourselves and belief in God's love for us, we can accomplish just about anything.
Today's Challenge
Decide today to take a chance on something you've always wanted to do, even if you have always believed that your past failures will hold you back. Admit your mistakes, learn from them, and move on!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Learn to Say No
We're learning about gaining confidence in my series, Confident in God's Hands. I've pointed out that we may often get ourselves involved in chaotic relationships, jobs, or other situations which make us feel as if all we're doing is putting out fires. Today, I'd like to provide some simple ways to help you learn how to quit the fire department.
Assertiveness 101
As a Stephen Minister, the first thing I learned was that we must be assertive. Without the skills to say no to some things, we can get ourselves into some really unhealthy situations.
When I was working with care receivers, there was no way I could say yes to all of their demands. They were terribly needy people, and giving all of my time and energy to them would have drained me completely.
I had never been assertive in my life, and that's why I had fallen victim to so many abusers over the years. Stephen Ministry training changed everything for me, because it taught me how to stand up for myself and set boundaries.
Do's and Don'ts When Saying No
Becoming assertive is a lot easier than we believe it to be. We create limits for ourselves, and when someone asks us to do something beyond those limits, we simply say no. When we have to tell someone that we cannot fulfill their request on our time, there are some things we should do and some things we should not.
First of all, we tell them up front that we're declining their request.
For example, I may decide that I don't want to attend a party for someone I barely know. The right way to assertively decline the invitation would sound like this: "Susie, I'm calling to say that I won't be able to make it to your party. Thank you for inviting me. I hope you have a good time." Simple, to the point, and perfectly assertive.
An inappropriate response could swing in one of two directions. We can become overly aggressive and come across as angry, which doesn't do anything for our relationships with others, even if we don't know them well. An aggressive response would go like this: "Susie, I don't know why on earth you thought I would ever consider coming to your party. I don't even know you. I'm not coming, and I don't want you ever calling me again." Way too harsh, with unwarranted anger.
As survivors of abuse, we tend to swing in the opposite direction and come across as completely passive. The phone call would sound like this: "Hi, Susie. How are you?" We'd listen to her telling us all about her life for ten minutes, all the while squirming about how she's going to react when we tell her we aren't coming to her party.
Eventually, we'd say in a wimpy little voice, "I really want to come to your party. I know it's going to be such fun. I'm so sorry, but I really can't be there. You see, I've got to groom the dog, take the kids to a soccer game, bake a cake for my mother-in-lawy's birthday party, and call all of the members of the PTA about the meeting next week. If I just had more time, I'd just love to be there." Too apologetic, too many excuses, and incredibly cowardly.
Our passive phone call opens the door to Susie talking us into coming to her party, even though we're already over-committed. We end up going to it, all the while checking our watch because we're late for picking up the kids from their game, and we're worried about baking a cake and talking to all of the PTA members. We feel miserable about being at the party, and perhaps anger toward Susie causes us to behave grumpily with her guests.
What does God think about assertiveness?
In ancient Israel, a young Jewish woman named Esther was chosen from among thousands of beauties to become the queen. Because she was both insightful and confident, she knew how to make an assertive request from the fearsome king, who often put people to death just for walking into his throne room. She waited for the right moment to talk to him.
An evil man in the king's service had issued a decree that all Jews must be killed, including Esther. The king was unaware that the order would bring Esther's life to an end. Esther 7:3-4 (MSG) provides us with an excellent example of assertiveness:
Queen Esther answered, "If I have found favor in your eyes, O King, and if it please the king, give me my life, and give my people their lives. We've been sold, I and my people, to be destroyed—sold to be massacred, eliminated. If we had just been sold off into slavery, I wouldn't even have brought it up; our troubles wouldn't have been worth bothering the king over."
Esther waits for an opportune time and then states her request up front. She wants the king to spare her life and the lives of her fellow Jews. She explains what has happened and why it is important to her. Then she shuts up and waits for the king's response. Within minutes, the king orders the man who was responsible for the decree to be executed.
Esther went down in history as one of the most confident and courageous women of all time. She chose the right moment to speak, and she did so assertively. No apologies, no long explanations, just the facts combined with some respect. This is a perfect example of assertiveness, and if we can learn to imitate it, we can show others that they must treat us with the same degree of respect that we have for ourselves.
The Three Rules of Assertiveness
God wants us to be as assertive as Esther was. When we make requests of people or decline their demands on our time, it is important to remember three things:
1) We must choose an opportune time to respectfully state our limits clearly and succinctly up front;
2) We must never apologize for setting boundaries around ourselves; and
3) We must not provide excuses or long explanations for our requests.
All of us can become more assertive by following this simple three-step process. It changed my life, and I'm certain it will change yours if you're willing to give it a try.
Today's Challenge
If you're really wimpy about setting boundaries around yourself and your time, find a friend to help you role-play assertive conversations. Act out the overly aggressive response and have some good laughs. Try on the passive conversation and discover how much you have used it in the past. Then, give the assertive approach your best effort, and find out how it feels. With a little practice, you'll soon see how easy it is to get what you need without feeling guilty or angry.
Assertiveness 101
As a Stephen Minister, the first thing I learned was that we must be assertive. Without the skills to say no to some things, we can get ourselves into some really unhealthy situations.
When I was working with care receivers, there was no way I could say yes to all of their demands. They were terribly needy people, and giving all of my time and energy to them would have drained me completely.
I had never been assertive in my life, and that's why I had fallen victim to so many abusers over the years. Stephen Ministry training changed everything for me, because it taught me how to stand up for myself and set boundaries.
Do's and Don'ts When Saying No
Becoming assertive is a lot easier than we believe it to be. We create limits for ourselves, and when someone asks us to do something beyond those limits, we simply say no. When we have to tell someone that we cannot fulfill their request on our time, there are some things we should do and some things we should not.
First of all, we tell them up front that we're declining their request.
For example, I may decide that I don't want to attend a party for someone I barely know. The right way to assertively decline the invitation would sound like this: "Susie, I'm calling to say that I won't be able to make it to your party. Thank you for inviting me. I hope you have a good time." Simple, to the point, and perfectly assertive.
An inappropriate response could swing in one of two directions. We can become overly aggressive and come across as angry, which doesn't do anything for our relationships with others, even if we don't know them well. An aggressive response would go like this: "Susie, I don't know why on earth you thought I would ever consider coming to your party. I don't even know you. I'm not coming, and I don't want you ever calling me again." Way too harsh, with unwarranted anger.
As survivors of abuse, we tend to swing in the opposite direction and come across as completely passive. The phone call would sound like this: "Hi, Susie. How are you?" We'd listen to her telling us all about her life for ten minutes, all the while squirming about how she's going to react when we tell her we aren't coming to her party.
Eventually, we'd say in a wimpy little voice, "I really want to come to your party. I know it's going to be such fun. I'm so sorry, but I really can't be there. You see, I've got to groom the dog, take the kids to a soccer game, bake a cake for my mother-in-lawy's birthday party, and call all of the members of the PTA about the meeting next week. If I just had more time, I'd just love to be there." Too apologetic, too many excuses, and incredibly cowardly.
Our passive phone call opens the door to Susie talking us into coming to her party, even though we're already over-committed. We end up going to it, all the while checking our watch because we're late for picking up the kids from their game, and we're worried about baking a cake and talking to all of the PTA members. We feel miserable about being at the party, and perhaps anger toward Susie causes us to behave grumpily with her guests.
What does God think about assertiveness?
In ancient Israel, a young Jewish woman named Esther was chosen from among thousands of beauties to become the queen. Because she was both insightful and confident, she knew how to make an assertive request from the fearsome king, who often put people to death just for walking into his throne room. She waited for the right moment to talk to him.
An evil man in the king's service had issued a decree that all Jews must be killed, including Esther. The king was unaware that the order would bring Esther's life to an end. Esther 7:3-4 (MSG) provides us with an excellent example of assertiveness:
Queen Esther answered, "If I have found favor in your eyes, O King, and if it please the king, give me my life, and give my people their lives. We've been sold, I and my people, to be destroyed—sold to be massacred, eliminated. If we had just been sold off into slavery, I wouldn't even have brought it up; our troubles wouldn't have been worth bothering the king over."
Esther waits for an opportune time and then states her request up front. She wants the king to spare her life and the lives of her fellow Jews. She explains what has happened and why it is important to her. Then she shuts up and waits for the king's response. Within minutes, the king orders the man who was responsible for the decree to be executed.
Esther went down in history as one of the most confident and courageous women of all time. She chose the right moment to speak, and she did so assertively. No apologies, no long explanations, just the facts combined with some respect. This is a perfect example of assertiveness, and if we can learn to imitate it, we can show others that they must treat us with the same degree of respect that we have for ourselves.
The Three Rules of Assertiveness
God wants us to be as assertive as Esther was. When we make requests of people or decline their demands on our time, it is important to remember three things:
1) We must choose an opportune time to respectfully state our limits clearly and succinctly up front;
2) We must never apologize for setting boundaries around ourselves; and
3) We must not provide excuses or long explanations for our requests.
All of us can become more assertive by following this simple three-step process. It changed my life, and I'm certain it will change yours if you're willing to give it a try.
Today's Challenge
If you're really wimpy about setting boundaries around yourself and your time, find a friend to help you role-play assertive conversations. Act out the overly aggressive response and have some good laughs. Try on the passive conversation and discover how much you have used it in the past. Then, give the assertive approach your best effort, and find out how it feels. With a little practice, you'll soon see how easy it is to get what you need without feeling guilty or angry.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Quit the Fire Department
We continue with my series, Confident in God's Hands, with a look at our reactions to challenges in life. If we want to become more confident, we need to reconsider how we respond to chaos.
A fireman's life
A friend of mine is a fireman, and he leads a much different life from the rest of us. At times, it is difficult to connect with him, because he's on duty at the fire station. He keeps busy there, maintaining the equipment and training for emergencies.
When the buzzer sounds at the station, my friend rushes off with his team to fires, car accidents, floods, downed trees, and many other emergencies. He doesn't mind doing the maintenance work, but he lives for the rush he feels whenever that alarm goes off.
Are you a chaos junkie?
If we've been victims of abuse or trauma, we are very much like my friend, the fireman. The constant turmoil of our past causes us to crave more of the same. Even though we know it's not healthy for us to live like this, we unwittingly do whatever it takes to replicate the crisis-centered life we once knew.
We may leave an abusive marriage and then connect with another partner who is equally unkind to us. Or we may attempt to create a lifestyle full of 'adventure,' which everyone else can clearly see is a thin veil for chaos.
None of us does this intentionally. It's just part of the way we're wired. Abuse or trauma has programmed our brains to look for more emergencies, just as my fireman friend does. We feel antsy unless we're racing from one disaster to another.
If we do find our way out of an abusive situation or we survive something as traumatic as combat, we may look for other ways to create emotional chaos. We choose jobs that feel similar to our abusive or traumatic past, such as that of fireman, emergency room doctor, soldier, or inner-city social worker.
If our jobs don't give us the rush we're seeking, we volunteer our services in places where there is an element of danger. If we can't find the thrill we seek through relationships, work or volunteerism, we constantly rescue people who don't have the sense to run from fire. Whatever it takes, we find a way to add some chaos back into our days.
God doesn't want us playing with fire.
What does God think about our penchant for playing with fire? The prophet, Isaiah, told the nation of Israel, Who out there fears God, actually listens to the voice of his servant? For anyone out there who doesn't know where you're going, anyone groping in the dark, Here's what: Trust in God. Lean on your God! But if all you're after is making trouble, playing with fire, Go ahead and see where it gets you. Set your fires, stir people up, blow on the flames, But don't expect me to just stand there and watch. I'll hold your feet to those flames. (Isaiah 50:10 MSG)
For the past year, I have been writing about the importance of discovering God's plan for our lives and following it. Sometimes, I feel as frustrated as Isaiah when I meet people who have no clue why they're on earth. I suspect that many of them are so frazzled from running around and putting out fires that they can't think straight. I also suspect that quite a few of them are setting the fires in the first place.
Until we step back from the chaos of our lives and identify the fires, we'll be forever compelled to chase down the smoke. God has beautiful plans for our future, but we've got to quit the fire department first.
Today's Challenge
Are you chasing fires? Or are you actually setting them? Take some time to step back and assess what you're doing with your life. If you're a chaos junkie, find a professional counselor who can help you to identify how you're wasting your time with fires and then get on with the plans God has for your future.
A fireman's life
A friend of mine is a fireman, and he leads a much different life from the rest of us. At times, it is difficult to connect with him, because he's on duty at the fire station. He keeps busy there, maintaining the equipment and training for emergencies.
When the buzzer sounds at the station, my friend rushes off with his team to fires, car accidents, floods, downed trees, and many other emergencies. He doesn't mind doing the maintenance work, but he lives for the rush he feels whenever that alarm goes off.
Are you a chaos junkie?
If we've been victims of abuse or trauma, we are very much like my friend, the fireman. The constant turmoil of our past causes us to crave more of the same. Even though we know it's not healthy for us to live like this, we unwittingly do whatever it takes to replicate the crisis-centered life we once knew.
We may leave an abusive marriage and then connect with another partner who is equally unkind to us. Or we may attempt to create a lifestyle full of 'adventure,' which everyone else can clearly see is a thin veil for chaos.
None of us does this intentionally. It's just part of the way we're wired. Abuse or trauma has programmed our brains to look for more emergencies, just as my fireman friend does. We feel antsy unless we're racing from one disaster to another.
If we do find our way out of an abusive situation or we survive something as traumatic as combat, we may look for other ways to create emotional chaos. We choose jobs that feel similar to our abusive or traumatic past, such as that of fireman, emergency room doctor, soldier, or inner-city social worker.
If our jobs don't give us the rush we're seeking, we volunteer our services in places where there is an element of danger. If we can't find the thrill we seek through relationships, work or volunteerism, we constantly rescue people who don't have the sense to run from fire. Whatever it takes, we find a way to add some chaos back into our days.
God doesn't want us playing with fire.
What does God think about our penchant for playing with fire? The prophet, Isaiah, told the nation of Israel, Who out there fears God, actually listens to the voice of his servant? For anyone out there who doesn't know where you're going, anyone groping in the dark, Here's what: Trust in God. Lean on your God! But if all you're after is making trouble, playing with fire, Go ahead and see where it gets you. Set your fires, stir people up, blow on the flames, But don't expect me to just stand there and watch. I'll hold your feet to those flames. (Isaiah 50:10 MSG)
For the past year, I have been writing about the importance of discovering God's plan for our lives and following it. Sometimes, I feel as frustrated as Isaiah when I meet people who have no clue why they're on earth. I suspect that many of them are so frazzled from running around and putting out fires that they can't think straight. I also suspect that quite a few of them are setting the fires in the first place.
Until we step back from the chaos of our lives and identify the fires, we'll be forever compelled to chase down the smoke. God has beautiful plans for our future, but we've got to quit the fire department first.
Today's Challenge
Are you chasing fires? Or are you actually setting them? Take some time to step back and assess what you're doing with your life. If you're a chaos junkie, find a professional counselor who can help you to identify how you're wasting your time with fires and then get on with the plans God has for your future.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
What Are You Tolerating?
We are learning how to become more confident during my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I'd like to consider how some things which we're tolerating may be holding us back from achieving our dreams.
The Billy Goat
When Joe and I decided to move to the country, we found a large lot at a lake. All that grass would require a much larger mower than our little push model, so we bought a commercial walk-behind. The Billy Goat was supposed to cut over an acre in an hour.
Joe quickly discovered that "Billy" was as disagreeable and stubborn as most live goats. He was headstrong and took off running when Joe was unprepared for the jolt that nearly yanked him off his feet. Billy sometimes ate things he wasn't supposed to, and over time, he only chewed up half of the grass that Joe wanted him to eat.
It was a love/hate relationship from the outset. Joe loved the idea of having a powerful mower with a wide cutting deck, but he hated Billy's performance.
I suggested selling Billy and replacing him with something better, but Joe insisted on trying harder to make Billy tow the line. Why? He doubted that we could sell Billy for enough money to pay for a riding mower, which he would have preferred.
After two years, Billy finally did himself in. He refused to eat the grass at all. So, I put an ad online to sell him, and we went in search of a new mower. Within 24 hours, Billy found a new home with a man whom I am sure will make him behave. We found a refurbished riding mower, and it cost exactly the same amount of money that we received for selling Billy.
Joe's fear that we would lose money prevented him from enjoying what he really wanted. When he finally let go of that old way of thinking, God immediately blessed him with something better. Joe was whooping like a cowboy yesterday, bumping over the yard at breakneck speeds. The lawn looked better than it ever has, and Joe had fun cutting it in half the time.
Out with the old, in with the new
Paul instructed the early Christians in Corinth, Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch. (1 Corinthians 5:7 NIV) He spoke about bread-baking, because at that time, every woman baked her own.
He knew that his listeners would understand his underlying meaning about becoming a new person through belief in Jesus. They could see that old yeast produces a very poor loaf of bread. And old ways of thinking would produce a life as dull and flat as bread made with outdated yeast.
Notice that Paul didn't instruct his audience to buy more yeast. No, he asked his listeners to become something completely different... unleavened bread made without yeast. Paul wanted the Christians at Corinth to understand the importance of getting rid of old habits, relationships, and ideas to make room for Jesus' way of thinking.
Are you tolerating a Billy Goat?
There are many things in life that may annoy us, as Billy did. When we cling to something that isn't working for us, we create a continuous charge of negative energy around ourselves. We also prevent God from blessing us with something that makes us feel contented and peaceful.
We must let go of the things that we're merely tolerating to make room for God's blessings. When we do, we take one step closer to fulfilling our dreams. That first step, taken in faith, will boost our trust in God and our confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
What are you clinging to that you need to release? A destructive relationship? A broken-down car? A beligerent pet? A dead-end job? Take some time today to think about how you need to change your thinking so that you can release annoyances that you're tolerating.
The Billy Goat
When Joe and I decided to move to the country, we found a large lot at a lake. All that grass would require a much larger mower than our little push model, so we bought a commercial walk-behind. The Billy Goat was supposed to cut over an acre in an hour.
Joe quickly discovered that "Billy" was as disagreeable and stubborn as most live goats. He was headstrong and took off running when Joe was unprepared for the jolt that nearly yanked him off his feet. Billy sometimes ate things he wasn't supposed to, and over time, he only chewed up half of the grass that Joe wanted him to eat.
It was a love/hate relationship from the outset. Joe loved the idea of having a powerful mower with a wide cutting deck, but he hated Billy's performance.
I suggested selling Billy and replacing him with something better, but Joe insisted on trying harder to make Billy tow the line. Why? He doubted that we could sell Billy for enough money to pay for a riding mower, which he would have preferred.
After two years, Billy finally did himself in. He refused to eat the grass at all. So, I put an ad online to sell him, and we went in search of a new mower. Within 24 hours, Billy found a new home with a man whom I am sure will make him behave. We found a refurbished riding mower, and it cost exactly the same amount of money that we received for selling Billy.
Joe's fear that we would lose money prevented him from enjoying what he really wanted. When he finally let go of that old way of thinking, God immediately blessed him with something better. Joe was whooping like a cowboy yesterday, bumping over the yard at breakneck speeds. The lawn looked better than it ever has, and Joe had fun cutting it in half the time.
Out with the old, in with the new
Paul instructed the early Christians in Corinth, Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch. (1 Corinthians 5:7 NIV) He spoke about bread-baking, because at that time, every woman baked her own.
He knew that his listeners would understand his underlying meaning about becoming a new person through belief in Jesus. They could see that old yeast produces a very poor loaf of bread. And old ways of thinking would produce a life as dull and flat as bread made with outdated yeast.
Notice that Paul didn't instruct his audience to buy more yeast. No, he asked his listeners to become something completely different... unleavened bread made without yeast. Paul wanted the Christians at Corinth to understand the importance of getting rid of old habits, relationships, and ideas to make room for Jesus' way of thinking.
Are you tolerating a Billy Goat?
There are many things in life that may annoy us, as Billy did. When we cling to something that isn't working for us, we create a continuous charge of negative energy around ourselves. We also prevent God from blessing us with something that makes us feel contented and peaceful.
We must let go of the things that we're merely tolerating to make room for God's blessings. When we do, we take one step closer to fulfilling our dreams. That first step, taken in faith, will boost our trust in God and our confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
What are you clinging to that you need to release? A destructive relationship? A broken-down car? A beligerent pet? A dead-end job? Take some time today to think about how you need to change your thinking so that you can release annoyances that you're tolerating.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Turn Off the Auto Pilot
We continue this week with my series, Confident in God's Hands. Through daily posts, I hope to encourage readers to restore the confidence that was lost through abuse or trauma.
Auto Pilot is supposed to be short-term.
Most jets are designed to include an auto pilot setting, which gives the pilot an opportunity to get out of his seat, walk to the bathroom, eat a meal, and stretch. By simply programming the aircraft to follow a specified course, he can momentarily forget about his duties.
Notice that I said he could momentarily set aside his duties. If the man set the auto pilot and then sat down in first class to sleep eight hours, he and the passengers could be in serious danger. They might overshoot their destination, run out of fuel, or collide with other aircraft.
Are we stuck on auto pilot?
If we have been abused for a very long time or if we've suffered a significant trauma, we tend to set our lives on auto pilot. Why? If our days have been unpredictable, the more stable we can make them, the better we feel.
While stability is a good thing, the problem with this auto pilot setting is that it can hurt us if we allow ourselves to stay on it for too long. We may feel safe by limiting ourselves to the confines of our homes, keeping to ourselves while out in public, and controlling the outcomes of most situations. However, we will never become confident as long as we stay on auto pilot.
God wants us to be bold.
Proverbs 28:1 (MSG) reads ...the righteous are as bold as a lion. God knows that we've been hurt. He was there during the abuse or trauma and in the aftermath of it. He offers us comfort for our pain, but eventually, he wants us to dry our eyes and get back to the business of living. He wants us to be bold, even after we've been hurt.
Like a pilot who's had a little break, there comes a time when we must return to our places. God put us here to carry out a mission, and we can't expect to fulfill his goals for us if we've set our lives on auto pilot. When we return to our rightful places, we discover that new challenges and successes give us opportunities to restore confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Is your life on auto pilot? Are you going to the same job, hanging out with the same old friends, and bypassing opportunities because it's safer than taking risks? Take a hard look at what you're doing and ask yourself if it's time to take a bold step into the unknown.
Auto Pilot is supposed to be short-term.
Most jets are designed to include an auto pilot setting, which gives the pilot an opportunity to get out of his seat, walk to the bathroom, eat a meal, and stretch. By simply programming the aircraft to follow a specified course, he can momentarily forget about his duties.
Notice that I said he could momentarily set aside his duties. If the man set the auto pilot and then sat down in first class to sleep eight hours, he and the passengers could be in serious danger. They might overshoot their destination, run out of fuel, or collide with other aircraft.
Are we stuck on auto pilot?
If we have been abused for a very long time or if we've suffered a significant trauma, we tend to set our lives on auto pilot. Why? If our days have been unpredictable, the more stable we can make them, the better we feel.
While stability is a good thing, the problem with this auto pilot setting is that it can hurt us if we allow ourselves to stay on it for too long. We may feel safe by limiting ourselves to the confines of our homes, keeping to ourselves while out in public, and controlling the outcomes of most situations. However, we will never become confident as long as we stay on auto pilot.
God wants us to be bold.
Proverbs 28:1 (MSG) reads ...the righteous are as bold as a lion. God knows that we've been hurt. He was there during the abuse or trauma and in the aftermath of it. He offers us comfort for our pain, but eventually, he wants us to dry our eyes and get back to the business of living. He wants us to be bold, even after we've been hurt.
Like a pilot who's had a little break, there comes a time when we must return to our places. God put us here to carry out a mission, and we can't expect to fulfill his goals for us if we've set our lives on auto pilot. When we return to our rightful places, we discover that new challenges and successes give us opportunities to restore confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Is your life on auto pilot? Are you going to the same job, hanging out with the same old friends, and bypassing opportunities because it's safer than taking risks? Take a hard look at what you're doing and ask yourself if it's time to take a bold step into the unknown.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
