Dissociation may occur during abuse or trauma. When our world gets turned upside down, and we feel that we may crack if things get any worse, we dissociate ourselves from the moment. For example, during sexual assault, we may separate our thoughts from our bodies. We take ourselves mentally to another place so that we don't feel the physical and emotional pain of the moment.
We may later use dissociation to block out the memories of painful events or to numb our feelings long after the traumatic event is over. Dissociation protected our minds when we were trying to live with horrific circumstances. However, if we continue to use it as a means to forget the trauma or to avoid the strong feelings connected to the event, we may never recover.
Dissociation takes many forms. We may numb ourselves to all emotions or keep our distance from most people. Or we may dissociate from our feelings and memories by becoming hyper-involved in some activity.
We may over-work, talk incessantly, clean the house constantly, or jump into one volunteer activity after another. Remaining engaged perpetually in something that requires intense concentration prevents us from thinking about the pain of our past. It also leaves us feeling so physically and mentally exhausted that we can't work on recovery.
As a teacher, many of my students who were diagnosed with ADHD were experiencing abuse at home. All three of my children were misdiagnosed with ADHD, when, in fact, they were suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of abuse. PTSD symptoms look an awful lot like the ones associated with ADHD.
Do you consider yourself inattentive or hyperactive? Is it possible that these are symptoms of the dissociation which is common in survivors with PTSD? What memories or feelings might you be avoiding? If you think you may be dissociating months or years after a trauma, find a qualifed therapist to help you learn how to safely get back in touch with your feelings and memories.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him...Psalm 37:7a
Showing posts with label PTSD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PTSD. Show all posts
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Are You Lonely?
Trauma survivors often feel lonely, even when surrounded by people. We frequently feel alienated, angry, or suspicious of others. Avoiding relationships is often the only way we know how to repress the triggers that might lead to rage, depression, or hopelessness. Many of us believe that our trauma shows, even though there are no outward signs of it.
I avoided social situations for decades, because I didn't know how to relate to others who hadn't experienced abuse or trauma. What would I talk about? I was so busy protecting myself from further abuse that I couldn't possibly read the newspaper or keep up with current trends.
I was afraid that if I did open my mouth, I would say something that would make others uncomfortable. When I did share some of my experiences with them, they looked horrified and then either edged away from me or took pity on me. Both reactions were devastating.
I got to the point where I was terrified of what might come out of my own mouth. If I did say something, even something appropriate, I instantly felt like fleeing from the room.
Watching others talking and laughing often made me feel as if I were standing on the outside of life, looking in. I wanted to participate, but I didn't know how. Their laughter often served as a trigger to remind me that when the social hour ended, I would have to go back to a world they would never understand.
I know now that it's important for survivors of abuse and trauma to talk to someone they trust. Doing so helps to relieve us of the burden of shame and sense of alienation that we've been carrying around for so long. When we've released some of our pain, we make room in our souls for something better.
Most of us will probably never be as sociable as we were before our trauma. Forcing ourselves to mingle in crowds where we feel panic, rage, suspicion, or depression only sets us back in our recovery process. So, we have to figure out how much interaction we can tolerate, and then engage in relationships where we feel safe.
God blessed me with a loving husband who always tries to make me feel safe. He's not always successful, but it's rarely his fault. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, PTSD rears up its ugly head to bite us again.
With Joe's help and the love of a few close friends, I have slowly progressed from feeling terrified in a room full of people to feeling in control of my emotions. When I start getting overwhelmed, I politely excuse myself. If I feel at ease, I thank God for bringing me into this inner circle that feels like family should have.
God sets the lonely in families,
he leads forth the prisoners with singing.
--Psalm 68:6a (NIV)
I avoided social situations for decades, because I didn't know how to relate to others who hadn't experienced abuse or trauma. What would I talk about? I was so busy protecting myself from further abuse that I couldn't possibly read the newspaper or keep up with current trends.
I was afraid that if I did open my mouth, I would say something that would make others uncomfortable. When I did share some of my experiences with them, they looked horrified and then either edged away from me or took pity on me. Both reactions were devastating.
I got to the point where I was terrified of what might come out of my own mouth. If I did say something, even something appropriate, I instantly felt like fleeing from the room.
Watching others talking and laughing often made me feel as if I were standing on the outside of life, looking in. I wanted to participate, but I didn't know how. Their laughter often served as a trigger to remind me that when the social hour ended, I would have to go back to a world they would never understand.
I know now that it's important for survivors of abuse and trauma to talk to someone they trust. Doing so helps to relieve us of the burden of shame and sense of alienation that we've been carrying around for so long. When we've released some of our pain, we make room in our souls for something better.
Most of us will probably never be as sociable as we were before our trauma. Forcing ourselves to mingle in crowds where we feel panic, rage, suspicion, or depression only sets us back in our recovery process. So, we have to figure out how much interaction we can tolerate, and then engage in relationships where we feel safe.
God blessed me with a loving husband who always tries to make me feel safe. He's not always successful, but it's rarely his fault. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, PTSD rears up its ugly head to bite us again.
With Joe's help and the love of a few close friends, I have slowly progressed from feeling terrified in a room full of people to feeling in control of my emotions. When I start getting overwhelmed, I politely excuse myself. If I feel at ease, I thank God for bringing me into this inner circle that feels like family should have.
God sets the lonely in families,
he leads forth the prisoners with singing.
--Psalm 68:6a (NIV)
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Are You Leading a Double Life?
As abuse and trauma survivors, we frequently find ourselves living in two different worlds. While we go about our daily lives, our minds unexpectedly take us back to the moment of trauma. I used to feel as if I were losing my mind, but now I know that this double life is often the norm for people with PTSD.
I experience this dual existence every day. It usually occurs when I'm doing something mindless, such as laundry or dishes. The triggers that send me back to thoughts of the past come in many forms...a song on the radio, the peach I'm peeling, a phone call from a family member, an old photograph, or anything else that reminds me of past trauma.
Even a pleasant memory can trigger feelings of depression and helplessness. Joe and I were listening to big band on the radio this morning. The words reminded me of a phrase my former mother-in-law used to say. She was very kind to me, and I loved her very much. But thoughts of her inevitably led me to memories of my ex-husband. In an instant, I was reliving the overwhelming sense of helplessness that occurs in abusive relationships.
I experienced significant, ongoing abuse for the first 40 years of my life. For me, triggers are everywhere. I can't avoid them, but I can manage them. When I come back to my present life from those intrusive memories, I have to remind myself that I am safe now. It's important for me to keep my mind engaged in the present with activities that require concentration.
Spending too much time alone with nothing to do is not good for me. Solitude and boredom are fertile ground where triggers grow out of proportion. Staying involved in projects and focusing on the blessings God has given me are helpful methods for rooting myself in my present reality.
Are you living a double life? If memories are intruding and causing problems with daily activities and relationships, consider talking with a qualified therapist who can help you manage the pain of your past.
I experience this dual existence every day. It usually occurs when I'm doing something mindless, such as laundry or dishes. The triggers that send me back to thoughts of the past come in many forms...a song on the radio, the peach I'm peeling, a phone call from a family member, an old photograph, or anything else that reminds me of past trauma.
Even a pleasant memory can trigger feelings of depression and helplessness. Joe and I were listening to big band on the radio this morning. The words reminded me of a phrase my former mother-in-law used to say. She was very kind to me, and I loved her very much. But thoughts of her inevitably led me to memories of my ex-husband. In an instant, I was reliving the overwhelming sense of helplessness that occurs in abusive relationships.
I experienced significant, ongoing abuse for the first 40 years of my life. For me, triggers are everywhere. I can't avoid them, but I can manage them. When I come back to my present life from those intrusive memories, I have to remind myself that I am safe now. It's important for me to keep my mind engaged in the present with activities that require concentration.
Spending too much time alone with nothing to do is not good for me. Solitude and boredom are fertile ground where triggers grow out of proportion. Staying involved in projects and focusing on the blessings God has given me are helpful methods for rooting myself in my present reality.
Are you living a double life? If memories are intruding and causing problems with daily activities and relationships, consider talking with a qualified therapist who can help you manage the pain of your past.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Remembering 9-11
Where were you on September 11, 2001? I was in the doctor's office. His receptionist burst into the room, exclaiming, "New York is under attack!"
The doctor said calmly, "I'm trying to work here. Go back to your desk."
It took time for the terrorist attacks to sink in...for the doctor, for me, and for many others. But in time, we all realized the seriousness of what was happening.
Ten years has passed, and I wonder how many people are still suffering from PTSD as a result of the attack on the twin towers. I also wonder if they will ever find relief from the depression and anxiety that go hand-in-hand with trauma.
Send me a comment and let me know how 9-11 changed your perception of your safety in our world. If you've found ways to deal with the PTSD that resulted, share them with me.
The doctor said calmly, "I'm trying to work here. Go back to your desk."
It took time for the terrorist attacks to sink in...for the doctor, for me, and for many others. But in time, we all realized the seriousness of what was happening.
Ten years has passed, and I wonder how many people are still suffering from PTSD as a result of the attack on the twin towers. I also wonder if they will ever find relief from the depression and anxiety that go hand-in-hand with trauma.
Send me a comment and let me know how 9-11 changed your perception of your safety in our world. If you've found ways to deal with the PTSD that resulted, share them with me.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Never Put Anyone on a Pedestal
I frequently hear from readers and acquaintances that I seem to be incredibly strong, in spite of the pain of my past. The trouble with viewing me as if I belong on a pedestal, is that I can tumble from that place as quickly as anyone else can. Never put anyone on a pedestal. I guarantee you'll eventually be disappointed. No one is perfect.
Last Tuesday, I completely lost it and couldn't stop crying. My problems felt unsolvable, and everywhere I turned, I thought I was seeing my abuser...a man in a restaurant, another in a store, and so on. Life felt so completely overwhelming and hopeless, I wanted to die.
On Wednesday morning, Joe took me to the emergency room. The doctor admitted me to the psychiatric unit, where I was diagnosed with PTSD and 'major depression,' which in old-fashioned terms means a nervous breakdown.
Thank God for Joe and his position at the hospital as chaplain. He was able to come up and visit me every few hours.
I spent three days in the hospital, and I've been home now for three days. I feel like a zombie. The doctor put me on a medication designed to treat depression, anxiety, and neuropathic pain. The pain relief from MS has been great, but I'm so tired and dizzy, I just sleep constantly. Hopefully, my body will adjust to the medication.
I'll be seeing a therapist, beginning tomorrow, as well as a psychiatrist, probably for a very long time. When the staff at the hospital looked at all the 'challenging life events' that I've survived, they were very empathetic. They were surprised I hadn't cracked before now. Apparently, when big events occur, such as childhood sexual abuse, we are supposed to get ourselves into psychiatric-based therapy PDQ. If we don't, we eventually lose it, as I did.
Needless to say, the three days in the psych unit were interesting. From the guy screaming obscenities in the room next door to Nurse Ratchet to the drunks and addicts in detox, I got an education in mental un-health.
On the up side, I've got an outline for a suspense novel about a twisted mental hospital that turns homeless patients into slaves. Now you know how I can come up with the plot lines in my novels about crazy people. We write what we know. HaHa.
I'm feeling very fragile, so if my posts are sporadic, I hope you'll understand, dear reader. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers.
Today's Challenge
If you're suffering from the depression and/or anxiety that go hand-in-hand with childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, or trauma, please consider finding a qualified psychiatrist and therapist. Don't be ashamed of mental illness. It must be treated, just as any other ailment that debilitates us.
Last Tuesday, I completely lost it and couldn't stop crying. My problems felt unsolvable, and everywhere I turned, I thought I was seeing my abuser...a man in a restaurant, another in a store, and so on. Life felt so completely overwhelming and hopeless, I wanted to die.
On Wednesday morning, Joe took me to the emergency room. The doctor admitted me to the psychiatric unit, where I was diagnosed with PTSD and 'major depression,' which in old-fashioned terms means a nervous breakdown.
Thank God for Joe and his position at the hospital as chaplain. He was able to come up and visit me every few hours.
I spent three days in the hospital, and I've been home now for three days. I feel like a zombie. The doctor put me on a medication designed to treat depression, anxiety, and neuropathic pain. The pain relief from MS has been great, but I'm so tired and dizzy, I just sleep constantly. Hopefully, my body will adjust to the medication.
I'll be seeing a therapist, beginning tomorrow, as well as a psychiatrist, probably for a very long time. When the staff at the hospital looked at all the 'challenging life events' that I've survived, they were very empathetic. They were surprised I hadn't cracked before now. Apparently, when big events occur, such as childhood sexual abuse, we are supposed to get ourselves into psychiatric-based therapy PDQ. If we don't, we eventually lose it, as I did.
Needless to say, the three days in the psych unit were interesting. From the guy screaming obscenities in the room next door to Nurse Ratchet to the drunks and addicts in detox, I got an education in mental un-health.
On the up side, I've got an outline for a suspense novel about a twisted mental hospital that turns homeless patients into slaves. Now you know how I can come up with the plot lines in my novels about crazy people. We write what we know. HaHa.
I'm feeling very fragile, so if my posts are sporadic, I hope you'll understand, dear reader. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers.
Today's Challenge
If you're suffering from the depression and/or anxiety that go hand-in-hand with childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, or trauma, please consider finding a qualified psychiatrist and therapist. Don't be ashamed of mental illness. It must be treated, just as any other ailment that debilitates us.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Take a Leap of Faith
We continue with my series, Confident in God's Hands, to help survivors of abuse and trauma develop greater courage. Today, we look at what it means to take a leap of faith.
A splat or a flight?
After my divorce, I met with a Stephen Minister each week. She listened patiently as I told her about how it felt to be a single mother, struggling to discover my purpose.
When we are being abused, someone else is always telling us what to do. After we've left the abuse behind, we may discover that we don't know anymore who we are. Our individuality has been beaten or berated out of us, and the only thing we know is confusion.
After leaving my first husband, I can remember making the decision to buy myself a nightgown of my own choosing for the first time in nearly 20 years. I went to a department store and combed through the racks. I was determined that I would never buy anything that reminded me of the sleezy night-time attire that my abuser had demanded I wear.
But after an hour of searching, I stood in the midst of thousands of nightgowns and burst into tears. There was nothing there that suited me, and I knew it wasn't because there was a lack of variety. My inability to choose came from the realization that I didn't know who I was or what I liked anymore. The abuse had depersonalized me to such an extent, I had no evidence of my former self remaining.
As I told my Stephen Minister my tale of woe, I said, "I feel as if I jumped off a cliff when I left the abuse behind, and I'm about to splat on the rocks below."
With great wisdom and enthusiasm for God's ability to turn around the most hopeless situation, she asked, "How about imagining that you just jumped off that cliff, and God has given you wings to fly?"
At the time, I was so depressed, I had no response for her. So many terrible things had happened to me that I had just about given up believing that God was real. I hadn't been to church in months. I could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning, and I wasn't sure I could ever find my way out of the mess I had created. But this woman got me thinking. Could God really help me fly again?
I decided in the following days that the only way to discover if I had wings was to test them. So, I bought a newspaper, looked through the classified ads, and circled several jobs that I thought I could do. Within an hour, I had an interview scheduled. The next day, I had a job as a file clerk, working for a temp agency.
After just a few weeks on the job, a man recognized my potential and arranged for an interview with the advertising department. The following Monday morning, I went back to work, not as a file clerk, but as a writer. And the rest, they say, is history.
I often reflect back on that time in my life when I felt as if my leap of faith was about to end in a nasty splat. But I discovered that even when we have no idea where we're going to land, if we dare to spread our wings and fly, God puts the wind beneath our wings.
Isaiah 40:31 (NIV) reminds us, But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. When we trust in God to show us the way and to provide for us along that path, we find that we are able to do the impossible.
And when we dare to fly again, God's provision for all of our needs gives us the confidence to take another flight, and another, and another. Suddenly, we find ourselves soaring through life, wondering why we ever doubted ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Are you terrified of taking that leap of faith and testing your wings? Are past hurts keeping you grounded? Nudge yourself out of the comfort of your familiar nest, and try out your wings again. God promises to provide the wind beneath your wings.
A splat or a flight?
After my divorce, I met with a Stephen Minister each week. She listened patiently as I told her about how it felt to be a single mother, struggling to discover my purpose.
When we are being abused, someone else is always telling us what to do. After we've left the abuse behind, we may discover that we don't know anymore who we are. Our individuality has been beaten or berated out of us, and the only thing we know is confusion.
After leaving my first husband, I can remember making the decision to buy myself a nightgown of my own choosing for the first time in nearly 20 years. I went to a department store and combed through the racks. I was determined that I would never buy anything that reminded me of the sleezy night-time attire that my abuser had demanded I wear.
But after an hour of searching, I stood in the midst of thousands of nightgowns and burst into tears. There was nothing there that suited me, and I knew it wasn't because there was a lack of variety. My inability to choose came from the realization that I didn't know who I was or what I liked anymore. The abuse had depersonalized me to such an extent, I had no evidence of my former self remaining.
As I told my Stephen Minister my tale of woe, I said, "I feel as if I jumped off a cliff when I left the abuse behind, and I'm about to splat on the rocks below."
With great wisdom and enthusiasm for God's ability to turn around the most hopeless situation, she asked, "How about imagining that you just jumped off that cliff, and God has given you wings to fly?"
At the time, I was so depressed, I had no response for her. So many terrible things had happened to me that I had just about given up believing that God was real. I hadn't been to church in months. I could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning, and I wasn't sure I could ever find my way out of the mess I had created. But this woman got me thinking. Could God really help me fly again?
I decided in the following days that the only way to discover if I had wings was to test them. So, I bought a newspaper, looked through the classified ads, and circled several jobs that I thought I could do. Within an hour, I had an interview scheduled. The next day, I had a job as a file clerk, working for a temp agency.
After just a few weeks on the job, a man recognized my potential and arranged for an interview with the advertising department. The following Monday morning, I went back to work, not as a file clerk, but as a writer. And the rest, they say, is history.
I often reflect back on that time in my life when I felt as if my leap of faith was about to end in a nasty splat. But I discovered that even when we have no idea where we're going to land, if we dare to spread our wings and fly, God puts the wind beneath our wings.
Isaiah 40:31 (NIV) reminds us, But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. When we trust in God to show us the way and to provide for us along that path, we find that we are able to do the impossible.
And when we dare to fly again, God's provision for all of our needs gives us the confidence to take another flight, and another, and another. Suddenly, we find ourselves soaring through life, wondering why we ever doubted ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Are you terrified of taking that leap of faith and testing your wings? Are past hurts keeping you grounded? Nudge yourself out of the comfort of your familiar nest, and try out your wings again. God promises to provide the wind beneath your wings.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Following Jesus Should be Our Highest Goal
During my series, Confident in God's Hands, I've given you a lot of tips about how to become more courageous after suffering from abuse or trauma. Hopefully, these ideas have been helpful to you. I know that writing them for you has helped me to feel more confident. We're about midway through the series, and I'd like to pause to reflect on an important point.
Along the way, I have discovered something that I wasn't expecting. We may set big goals and make plans to achieve them. We may have dreams in our hearts that we desperately want to make real. But in the end, our highest goal has to be a real relationship with Jesus.
Unless the Christ is enough for us, we will never feel fulfilled. We've got to get to the point where it doesn't matter if we've got a great job, lots of money, a nice house, a sleek new car, a loving partner, or anything else we think we have to have. When we place too much emphasis on our worldly achievements, Jesus takes a back seat along the way. And that's not where he wants to be.
Jesus wants to be in the driver's seat, with us right beside him. Above all things, he wants us to want him more than anything else. Finding a way to get close to him is our greatest challenge. And when we find him, he will be our greatest prize.
Let me say that again. Jesus must be the goal we are aiming for first and foremost. Just sitting in his presence and praising him for his love must give us total satisfaction. If it doesn't, we've got our priorities out of order.
I'm not saying that we can't have other dreams. We certainly can't sit around all day, just grinning from ear to ear because we're close to Jesus. He put us all here to do things. But we have to remember that he wants our complete love and attention 24/7. He wants us to be content with him first. Then, when other dreams get fulfilled, we can feel extra blessed.
We run into trouble when we put our dreams first. When they don't get fulfilled, we get angry at Jesus for failing us. We rail at him for letting us down, over and over. The sad truth is that we're failing him when we act like this.
We may discover in the process of chasing after dreams that we are spoiled rotten children. God our father doesn't want us to just demand baubles and cookies and fun from him. He wants us to crawl up into his lap, rest our head on his chest, and snuggle into the comfort of his arms. He wants us to share our innermost thoughts with him. More than anything, he wants to lead and protect us throughout life so that he can shower blessings on us.
But when we become like demanding children, stomping our feet and pouting over what he hasn't given us, Jesus puts us in time out. There, we stay until we learn that we need to respect and love him first. Only then will we position ourselves to be blessed by him.
And if our focus becomes trained on receiving blessings as a result of loving Jesus, we'll continue to sit in time out. We must expect nothing...absolutely nothing beyond a relationship with him. When we get to that point of realizing that he alone is our greatest dream come true, then the blessings will flow.
A lot of preachers claim that Jesus will shower us with blessings...that we deserve them. Unfortunately, we often believe that those blessings come with four tires attached...or a roof...or a karat designation.
The truth is, God's blessings may come in the form of greater peace, giving up unrealistic expectations, feeling content in spite of our circumstances, or simply resting in the knowledge that the King of the universe loves us deeply.
Micah 6:8 (NIV) reminds us of what is really important. He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
To act justly means that we stand up for those who cannot speak up for themselves. This is why I have chosen to become the voice for victims of abuse and trauma. Someone must speak out against the victimization of helpless people. I am blessed in knowing that I am creating greater awareness of this problem so that laws will be changed to protect innocent children and victims of crime.
To love mercy means that we look after the needs of those around us who are weaker than we are. This would include helpless children, the unborn, widows, handicapped people, the elderly among us,and anyone else who is suffering. I am blessed in knowing that I am helping others, like me, who have experienced abuse and trauma. Giving others comfort, as God has comforted us, ought to be one of our loftiest goals.
To walk humbly with your God means that we have to give up pride. I never realized until this past week how prideful I have been. I always thought that humility simply meant that I was willing to admit my faults. It's far more than that. We become prideful when we take our problems into our own hands and attempt to solve them through stupid means.
In my case, I have tried to solve my financial troubles in a host of ways so that my husband can work just one job. A lack of money has created a huge hang-up for me, because I have been stubbornly refusing to let Jesus help me with the problem.
Jesus doesn't just want us to give up trying to control some things in our lives. He wants us to give up our need to fix all of our problems. The only solution to our problems is to admit to Jesus that our lives are unmanageable, that we have made an even greater mess in trying to fix things, and that we acknowledge him as our only hope for relief.
Hmmm...seems to me that I learned that slogan years ago at Al-Anon. I read it, memorized it, repeated it, and thought that I was living it when I gave up trying to control other people's lives. Now, I realize that I must give up trying to control my own life.
When we really and truly humble ourselves before God, we discover that we can hear his voice, telling us which way to go. Then, it really doesn't matter whether we have goals or not. Because, in the end, our highest goal ought to be to follow wherever he leads, confident that he will take us where our hearts desires will be fulfilled.
Today's Challenge
Take time to reflect today where you stand with Jesus. Is he completely in control of every aspect of your life? Or are you taking back problems and trying to solve them with your own plans? Do whatever it takes to surrender everything to him, including your own life and all of its challenges.
Along the way, I have discovered something that I wasn't expecting. We may set big goals and make plans to achieve them. We may have dreams in our hearts that we desperately want to make real. But in the end, our highest goal has to be a real relationship with Jesus.
Unless the Christ is enough for us, we will never feel fulfilled. We've got to get to the point where it doesn't matter if we've got a great job, lots of money, a nice house, a sleek new car, a loving partner, or anything else we think we have to have. When we place too much emphasis on our worldly achievements, Jesus takes a back seat along the way. And that's not where he wants to be.
Jesus wants to be in the driver's seat, with us right beside him. Above all things, he wants us to want him more than anything else. Finding a way to get close to him is our greatest challenge. And when we find him, he will be our greatest prize.
Let me say that again. Jesus must be the goal we are aiming for first and foremost. Just sitting in his presence and praising him for his love must give us total satisfaction. If it doesn't, we've got our priorities out of order.
I'm not saying that we can't have other dreams. We certainly can't sit around all day, just grinning from ear to ear because we're close to Jesus. He put us all here to do things. But we have to remember that he wants our complete love and attention 24/7. He wants us to be content with him first. Then, when other dreams get fulfilled, we can feel extra blessed.
We run into trouble when we put our dreams first. When they don't get fulfilled, we get angry at Jesus for failing us. We rail at him for letting us down, over and over. The sad truth is that we're failing him when we act like this.
We may discover in the process of chasing after dreams that we are spoiled rotten children. God our father doesn't want us to just demand baubles and cookies and fun from him. He wants us to crawl up into his lap, rest our head on his chest, and snuggle into the comfort of his arms. He wants us to share our innermost thoughts with him. More than anything, he wants to lead and protect us throughout life so that he can shower blessings on us.
But when we become like demanding children, stomping our feet and pouting over what he hasn't given us, Jesus puts us in time out. There, we stay until we learn that we need to respect and love him first. Only then will we position ourselves to be blessed by him.
And if our focus becomes trained on receiving blessings as a result of loving Jesus, we'll continue to sit in time out. We must expect nothing...absolutely nothing beyond a relationship with him. When we get to that point of realizing that he alone is our greatest dream come true, then the blessings will flow.
A lot of preachers claim that Jesus will shower us with blessings...that we deserve them. Unfortunately, we often believe that those blessings come with four tires attached...or a roof...or a karat designation.
The truth is, God's blessings may come in the form of greater peace, giving up unrealistic expectations, feeling content in spite of our circumstances, or simply resting in the knowledge that the King of the universe loves us deeply.
Micah 6:8 (NIV) reminds us of what is really important. He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
To act justly means that we stand up for those who cannot speak up for themselves. This is why I have chosen to become the voice for victims of abuse and trauma. Someone must speak out against the victimization of helpless people. I am blessed in knowing that I am creating greater awareness of this problem so that laws will be changed to protect innocent children and victims of crime.
To love mercy means that we look after the needs of those around us who are weaker than we are. This would include helpless children, the unborn, widows, handicapped people, the elderly among us,and anyone else who is suffering. I am blessed in knowing that I am helping others, like me, who have experienced abuse and trauma. Giving others comfort, as God has comforted us, ought to be one of our loftiest goals.
To walk humbly with your God means that we have to give up pride. I never realized until this past week how prideful I have been. I always thought that humility simply meant that I was willing to admit my faults. It's far more than that. We become prideful when we take our problems into our own hands and attempt to solve them through stupid means.
In my case, I have tried to solve my financial troubles in a host of ways so that my husband can work just one job. A lack of money has created a huge hang-up for me, because I have been stubbornly refusing to let Jesus help me with the problem.
Jesus doesn't just want us to give up trying to control some things in our lives. He wants us to give up our need to fix all of our problems. The only solution to our problems is to admit to Jesus that our lives are unmanageable, that we have made an even greater mess in trying to fix things, and that we acknowledge him as our only hope for relief.
Hmmm...seems to me that I learned that slogan years ago at Al-Anon. I read it, memorized it, repeated it, and thought that I was living it when I gave up trying to control other people's lives. Now, I realize that I must give up trying to control my own life.
When we really and truly humble ourselves before God, we discover that we can hear his voice, telling us which way to go. Then, it really doesn't matter whether we have goals or not. Because, in the end, our highest goal ought to be to follow wherever he leads, confident that he will take us where our hearts desires will be fulfilled.
Today's Challenge
Take time to reflect today where you stand with Jesus. Is he completely in control of every aspect of your life? Or are you taking back problems and trying to solve them with your own plans? Do whatever it takes to surrender everything to him, including your own life and all of its challenges.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Shake Off Old Labels
We continue with my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, we take a look at labels and how they shape our actions.
What labels have been stuck on you?
For many of us, abuse has been an undercurrent throughout our lives. It may have begun at home, where unkind words, harsh punishment, or sexual molestation left us feeling frightened and powerless. When we went out into the world with our insecurities, the bullies around us picked up on our weaknesses and stuck labels on us.
We all know about labels. Kids are pros at looking at a person, sizing her up in a heartbeat, and giving her a label. Over the years, labels stuck to me, almost as perceptible as sticky notes clinging annoyingly to my skin. I was called skinny, monkey, four-eyes, buck-tooth beaver, pizza face, goody two-shoes, prude, and many other unkind names. Eventually, I felt as if I were wearing a sign on my back that read, "Abuse me. I'm an easy target."
With all of those names attached to my soul, it was difficult to develop much courage. Many of us go through our entire lives, acting as if those old labels accurately describe us.
God has labeled us as beautiful, peaceful, joyful, patient, kind, gentle, faithful, and good. It's time to start believing in his labels and forget about the inaccurate, ridiculous, unkind ones of our childhood. We must consciously identify what our old labels are, rip them off, and replace them with better ones.
Label yourself like Jesus.
The apostle Paul tried to encourage the people of Corinth to look at themselves and the labels they were wearing. He urged them to throw them out and label themselves Christ-like.
Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain—his Spirit—where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves—labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free—are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive. (I Corinthians 12:12 MSG)
We must take a long, hard look at the labels we've been operating under all of our lives. It's imperative that we give up acting as if we are those things that have been pasted to our personalities. We aren't victims, losers, clumsy oxen, bad children, or anything else ugly that has been attached to us.
We are free in Christ to label ourselves something beautiful and strong. What words would you use to describe the real you?
Today's Challenge
Identify inaccurate labels which have been clinging to you for years. Shake them off and put on a new label as a member of the body of Christ which has been refreshed in his Spirit.
What labels have been stuck on you?
For many of us, abuse has been an undercurrent throughout our lives. It may have begun at home, where unkind words, harsh punishment, or sexual molestation left us feeling frightened and powerless. When we went out into the world with our insecurities, the bullies around us picked up on our weaknesses and stuck labels on us.
We all know about labels. Kids are pros at looking at a person, sizing her up in a heartbeat, and giving her a label. Over the years, labels stuck to me, almost as perceptible as sticky notes clinging annoyingly to my skin. I was called skinny, monkey, four-eyes, buck-tooth beaver, pizza face, goody two-shoes, prude, and many other unkind names. Eventually, I felt as if I were wearing a sign on my back that read, "Abuse me. I'm an easy target."
With all of those names attached to my soul, it was difficult to develop much courage. Many of us go through our entire lives, acting as if those old labels accurately describe us.
God has labeled us as beautiful, peaceful, joyful, patient, kind, gentle, faithful, and good. It's time to start believing in his labels and forget about the inaccurate, ridiculous, unkind ones of our childhood. We must consciously identify what our old labels are, rip them off, and replace them with better ones.
Label yourself like Jesus.
The apostle Paul tried to encourage the people of Corinth to look at themselves and the labels they were wearing. He urged them to throw them out and label themselves Christ-like.
Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain—his Spirit—where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves—labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free—are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive. (I Corinthians 12:12 MSG)
We must take a long, hard look at the labels we've been operating under all of our lives. It's imperative that we give up acting as if we are those things that have been pasted to our personalities. We aren't victims, losers, clumsy oxen, bad children, or anything else ugly that has been attached to us.
We are free in Christ to label ourselves something beautiful and strong. What words would you use to describe the real you?
Today's Challenge
Identify inaccurate labels which have been clinging to you for years. Shake them off and put on a new label as a member of the body of Christ which has been refreshed in his Spirit.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Hone Your Skills
We've been looking at intellectual growth this week during my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I'd like to address the importance of perfecting the skills we have learned.
Don't waste your time on education.
We often get excited about learning something new, so we sign up for a class. For the first days or weeks, we are highly motivated, and we try our best to understand all that is new. This is because learning a new skill gives us a rush, as would a new relationship, a new adventure, or a new addiction.
Then, the newness wears off, and our interest begins to fade. We discover that it's hard to learn, and many of us give up shortly after our high-energy beginnings. We quickly come to regret the time and money we've expended on our dream. When we quickly give up, we've wasted our our time on education.
Dedicate yourself to success.
Learning requires discpline, perseverance, and the ability to keep our eyes focused on the end goal. If we want to learn to play the piano, for example, we must start by imagining ourselves successfully playing. Then, we have to sign up for lessons and practice, practice, practice.
I began taking piano lessons when I was four years old. It was my mother's idea, so my motivation to practice was not very strong. For a number of years, I took lessons, but I rarely touched the keys when my teacher wasn't around. Others told me that my goal should be to memorize a piece to play in a recital. I really preferred playing outside to practicing. Their dream was not mine.
And then something changed. I discovered a type of music known as boogie-woogie, and my level of interest shot upward. There was something about the syncopated rhythms and bouncy melodies that motivated me to get it right. I began practicing without worrying about how much time I spent at he keyboard. Suddenly, I had a dream. I wanted to play this music for others, so that they could feel the joy that I did through the tunes.
After a number of years, I discovered that I was spending all of my free time at the piano. At one point, I was playing four hours a day. I began signing up for competitions and easily won a number of prizes and medals. When we devote that much time to any one pursuit, it stands to reason that we'll improve.
Find a mentor to achieve a break-through.
Eventually, we'll hit a plateau in our learning. We'll reach a point where further growth can only come with new input. For me, it meant finding a professor at a local university who taught me how to play jazz improvization.
The early years of studying boring piano theory, practicing scales, and pulling out my hair over the classics finally paid off. I had the basic knowledge to understand how to write and play my own music. Suddenly, I achieved a break-through. I found myself jamming with a group of jazz musicians, shifting with ease from one chord progression to the next.
I was no longer anxious about the curve of my fingers on the keys, the phrasing, or hitting a wrong note in a well-recognized tune. Jazz improv was freeing, and I felt as if my soul, the music, and the other musicians were all one being. Nothing boosts our confidence like achieving more than we have dreamed was possible.
God wants us to dream and take action.
When God puts a dream in our hearts, he wants us to focus on it and see it through his eyes. Philippians 4:8 (NIV) reminds us, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
When we imagine outcomes that are excellent, we've taken the first step in achieving our dreams. But our dreams must be accompanied by actions if we want to achieve success and build confidence.
While I could imagine myself playing in a recital, I was never going to see it become a reality unless I applied myself to learning how to play the piano. It took teachers, lessons, grueling hours of practice, listening to music, reaching out to other musicians, and the ability to think outside the box to truly excel.
James 1:12 (NIV) tells about the importance of sticking with something to the very end: Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James was talking about persevering in holding fast to our faith so that we can find our way to heaven, even when others try to tell us that we're wrong, crazy, or stupid.
But James' words can also be applied to any dream that God puts in our hearts. We must believe in our dreams, believe in the God who placed them in our souls, and believe in our ability to succeed. Adding sustained action to our dreams will inevitably help us to achieve what we want. And increased confidence inevitably follows on the heels of success.
Today's Challenge
Do you have a dream that you've never fulfilled? Did you give up when your interest waned or when the road became too difficult for you? Perhaps you gave up, because you realized the dream was not a part of God's plan for you. It's okay to let go when you've understood that you went the wrong way. Look back over your life and try to see where you have succeeded because you persevered. Can you apply that same persistence to learn something difficult and fulfill your God-driven dreams?
Don't waste your time on education.
We often get excited about learning something new, so we sign up for a class. For the first days or weeks, we are highly motivated, and we try our best to understand all that is new. This is because learning a new skill gives us a rush, as would a new relationship, a new adventure, or a new addiction.
Then, the newness wears off, and our interest begins to fade. We discover that it's hard to learn, and many of us give up shortly after our high-energy beginnings. We quickly come to regret the time and money we've expended on our dream. When we quickly give up, we've wasted our our time on education.
Dedicate yourself to success.
Learning requires discpline, perseverance, and the ability to keep our eyes focused on the end goal. If we want to learn to play the piano, for example, we must start by imagining ourselves successfully playing. Then, we have to sign up for lessons and practice, practice, practice.
I began taking piano lessons when I was four years old. It was my mother's idea, so my motivation to practice was not very strong. For a number of years, I took lessons, but I rarely touched the keys when my teacher wasn't around. Others told me that my goal should be to memorize a piece to play in a recital. I really preferred playing outside to practicing. Their dream was not mine.
And then something changed. I discovered a type of music known as boogie-woogie, and my level of interest shot upward. There was something about the syncopated rhythms and bouncy melodies that motivated me to get it right. I began practicing without worrying about how much time I spent at he keyboard. Suddenly, I had a dream. I wanted to play this music for others, so that they could feel the joy that I did through the tunes.
After a number of years, I discovered that I was spending all of my free time at the piano. At one point, I was playing four hours a day. I began signing up for competitions and easily won a number of prizes and medals. When we devote that much time to any one pursuit, it stands to reason that we'll improve.
Find a mentor to achieve a break-through.
Eventually, we'll hit a plateau in our learning. We'll reach a point where further growth can only come with new input. For me, it meant finding a professor at a local university who taught me how to play jazz improvization.
The early years of studying boring piano theory, practicing scales, and pulling out my hair over the classics finally paid off. I had the basic knowledge to understand how to write and play my own music. Suddenly, I achieved a break-through. I found myself jamming with a group of jazz musicians, shifting with ease from one chord progression to the next.
I was no longer anxious about the curve of my fingers on the keys, the phrasing, or hitting a wrong note in a well-recognized tune. Jazz improv was freeing, and I felt as if my soul, the music, and the other musicians were all one being. Nothing boosts our confidence like achieving more than we have dreamed was possible.
God wants us to dream and take action.
When God puts a dream in our hearts, he wants us to focus on it and see it through his eyes. Philippians 4:8 (NIV) reminds us, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
When we imagine outcomes that are excellent, we've taken the first step in achieving our dreams. But our dreams must be accompanied by actions if we want to achieve success and build confidence.
While I could imagine myself playing in a recital, I was never going to see it become a reality unless I applied myself to learning how to play the piano. It took teachers, lessons, grueling hours of practice, listening to music, reaching out to other musicians, and the ability to think outside the box to truly excel.
James 1:12 (NIV) tells about the importance of sticking with something to the very end: Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James was talking about persevering in holding fast to our faith so that we can find our way to heaven, even when others try to tell us that we're wrong, crazy, or stupid.
But James' words can also be applied to any dream that God puts in our hearts. We must believe in our dreams, believe in the God who placed them in our souls, and believe in our ability to succeed. Adding sustained action to our dreams will inevitably help us to achieve what we want. And increased confidence inevitably follows on the heels of success.
Today's Challenge
Do you have a dream that you've never fulfilled? Did you give up when your interest waned or when the road became too difficult for you? Perhaps you gave up, because you realized the dream was not a part of God's plan for you. It's okay to let go when you've understood that you went the wrong way. Look back over your life and try to see where you have succeeded because you persevered. Can you apply that same persistence to learn something difficult and fulfill your God-driven dreams?
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Learn a New Skill to Build Your Confidence
We are working at becoming more courageous during my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I'd like to address the importance of learning new skills.
Turn your losses into opportunities.
Losing our health, our jobs, our marriages, our families, or our money as a result of abuse or trauma can really take a toll on our confidence. Without these basics, many of us lose our ability to tackle challenges.
When we can no longer function due to illness, relationship issues, or job loss, we may suffer from depression and anxiety. Without a way to experience regular success, most of us struggle with low self-esteem, because we're not using the skills that we had once honed.
Learning a new skill that stretches our current level of functioning can give our confidence a terrific shot in the arm. Taking that first step and committing to learning something new can be frightening, to say the least. But if we're willing to take a risk, the pay-offs are worth it.
Adult Ed 101
Multiple sclerosis has sidelined me from holding down a regular job for nearly a decade. At times, I suffer from depression, because I am not using my mind or my body in ways that were once challenging to me.
Someone suggested becoming a real estate agent, because the hours are flexible. But I know from experience that I would never be able to manage the required hours in the office. So, Joe and I decided to learn about real estate investing as a way to keep my mind sharp to and to improve our current investment returns.
We signed up for on-line classes and began a journey that has felt like a roller coaster ride at times. Trying to learn so much new information has been exhausting. Evaluating real estate deals has been terrifying. Worrying about whether we've made mistakes or overlooked important details in our calculations has been nerve-wracking.
In spite of the difficulties, though, something wonderful has begun happening. With each step, we are discovering that real estate investing isn't so scary after all. And with each success, our confidence grows.
Each time we re-apply our new skills to another situation, our self-esteem flourishes. Before long, I'm sure we will look back and wonder why we were ever depressed or worried.
God walks into classrooms ahead of us.
When we decide to learn a new skill, God goes ahead of us. His Word says, "Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." (Deut 31:6 MSG)
All through the process of learning something new and applying it to life, God is there. What do we have to fear?
Today's Challenge
Are you becoming antiquated because of losses related to abuse or trauma? If you're feeling clueless, sign up for a community ed class about computers or financial planning. If you're scared to leave home, sign up for an art class, an exercise club, or an outdoor adventure. Meeting new people may be scary, but developing improved relationship skills along the way will boost your confidence. Push yourself to the next level. Learn a new language or skill that will land you a better job. Whatever it takes, do something to update your skill set today. Ask God to go ahead of you and wait for something wonderful to happen.
Turn your losses into opportunities.
Losing our health, our jobs, our marriages, our families, or our money as a result of abuse or trauma can really take a toll on our confidence. Without these basics, many of us lose our ability to tackle challenges.
When we can no longer function due to illness, relationship issues, or job loss, we may suffer from depression and anxiety. Without a way to experience regular success, most of us struggle with low self-esteem, because we're not using the skills that we had once honed.
Learning a new skill that stretches our current level of functioning can give our confidence a terrific shot in the arm. Taking that first step and committing to learning something new can be frightening, to say the least. But if we're willing to take a risk, the pay-offs are worth it.
Adult Ed 101
Multiple sclerosis has sidelined me from holding down a regular job for nearly a decade. At times, I suffer from depression, because I am not using my mind or my body in ways that were once challenging to me.
Someone suggested becoming a real estate agent, because the hours are flexible. But I know from experience that I would never be able to manage the required hours in the office. So, Joe and I decided to learn about real estate investing as a way to keep my mind sharp to and to improve our current investment returns.
We signed up for on-line classes and began a journey that has felt like a roller coaster ride at times. Trying to learn so much new information has been exhausting. Evaluating real estate deals has been terrifying. Worrying about whether we've made mistakes or overlooked important details in our calculations has been nerve-wracking.
In spite of the difficulties, though, something wonderful has begun happening. With each step, we are discovering that real estate investing isn't so scary after all. And with each success, our confidence grows.
Each time we re-apply our new skills to another situation, our self-esteem flourishes. Before long, I'm sure we will look back and wonder why we were ever depressed or worried.
God walks into classrooms ahead of us.
When we decide to learn a new skill, God goes ahead of us. His Word says, "Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." (Deut 31:6 MSG)
All through the process of learning something new and applying it to life, God is there. What do we have to fear?
Today's Challenge
Are you becoming antiquated because of losses related to abuse or trauma? If you're feeling clueless, sign up for a community ed class about computers or financial planning. If you're scared to leave home, sign up for an art class, an exercise club, or an outdoor adventure. Meeting new people may be scary, but developing improved relationship skills along the way will boost your confidence. Push yourself to the next level. Learn a new language or skill that will land you a better job. Whatever it takes, do something to update your skill set today. Ask God to go ahead of you and wait for something wonderful to happen.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Get Plenty of Rest to Gain Confidence
We are learning how to become more confident after surviving abuse and trauma. This is a continuation of my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, we look at the importance of rest.
Too tired?
Are you so tired that you can barely function? Fatigue can sap a lot of our confidence, because it causes us to make mistakes.
Lately, I've been juggling multiple projects. A number of people are involved in these, and fatigue caused me to make an embarrassing mistake yesterday. I sent an important client to the wrong address, which cost her valuable time. The mistake may cost me in the long run, because professionals do not like to deal with people who make errors.
This happened, because I've been staying up too late, taking on too many projects, and pushing myself too hard. An embarrassing mistake, such as giving out the wrong address, overlooking an important appointment, or going blank when someone returns our call can be a red flag. Mistakes can warn us that we're pushing ourselves beyond our limits.
Remember the Lord's day and rest.
Genesis 2:3 tells us, Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. Even the creator of our great universe felt that it was important to rest after working hard.
If we want to feel confident and ensure that we don't make costly mistakes, we must get adequate rest. This means that we sleep 7-9 hours per night, we take frequent breaks during the day, and we spend one day each week doing absolutely no work. During that time, it's important to reflect on how much God has blessed us over the previous six days.
Today's Challenge
Is fatigue causing you to make mistakes that result in embarrassing situations? Are you so forgetful because of a lack of sleep that you confuse important details and dates? Whittle away some of your duties at work, unnecessary commitments, and TV/movie time at night. Rest up and watch your productivity and confidence blossom.
Too tired?
Are you so tired that you can barely function? Fatigue can sap a lot of our confidence, because it causes us to make mistakes.
Lately, I've been juggling multiple projects. A number of people are involved in these, and fatigue caused me to make an embarrassing mistake yesterday. I sent an important client to the wrong address, which cost her valuable time. The mistake may cost me in the long run, because professionals do not like to deal with people who make errors.
This happened, because I've been staying up too late, taking on too many projects, and pushing myself too hard. An embarrassing mistake, such as giving out the wrong address, overlooking an important appointment, or going blank when someone returns our call can be a red flag. Mistakes can warn us that we're pushing ourselves beyond our limits.
Remember the Lord's day and rest.
Genesis 2:3 tells us, Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. Even the creator of our great universe felt that it was important to rest after working hard.
If we want to feel confident and ensure that we don't make costly mistakes, we must get adequate rest. This means that we sleep 7-9 hours per night, we take frequent breaks during the day, and we spend one day each week doing absolutely no work. During that time, it's important to reflect on how much God has blessed us over the previous six days.
Today's Challenge
Is fatigue causing you to make mistakes that result in embarrassing situations? Are you so forgetful because of a lack of sleep that you confuse important details and dates? Whittle away some of your duties at work, unnecessary commitments, and TV/movie time at night. Rest up and watch your productivity and confidence blossom.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Hire a Housekeeper
We are learning how to become more courageous in all areas of our lives during my series, Confident in God's Garden. Today, I'd like to address the benefits of hiring a housekeeper.
A clean house gives us peace of mind.
For the past several months, my responsibilities outside of my home have been growing. Someone suggested that I hire a housekeeper, and I thought the idea sounded ridiculous. Surely, I could keep up with my little cottage. It's just the two of us at home now, along with one little poodle.
As the weeks turned into months, I began to realize that the time I used to devote to cleaning was being taken up with far more important tasks. And as the dust bunnies multiplied and the piles of clutter grew taller, I began to feel overwhelmed.
What if someone dropped in for a visit? There was no way I could hide the growing mess. Worse, the disarray in the house was clouding my head. I couldn't concentrate well on my writing and other pursuits, because everywhere I turned, there was another unresolved housekeeping issue.
A breath of fresh air
My new housekeeper arrived today, and within a few hours, the house began to smell incredibly fresh. Her energy invigorated me and inspired me to clear my desk and throw away stacks of papers that had been mounting on every horizontal surface.
At the end of the day, I had accomplished more in just a few hours than I had in weeks. I parted with some of my money, but the peace of mind that the housekeeper brought was worth it.
I went out to an appointment and returned home this evening to glowing floors and the subtle scent of Murphy's Oil Soap. There is nothing sweeter than returning to a well-kept home. It provides us with a haven where we can relax and think clearly. And it prepares us for the rest we need to go back out into the world in the morning, full of confidence.
Having our spiritual house swept clean makes room for something new.
Jesus spoke to his followers about the importance of continued learning after becoming believers. We may make a clean sweep of our souls through faith in Christ, but if we don't work at maturing, we may be in danger of letting in evil things that we thought we had put behind us.
Jesus said, When a defiling evil spirit is expelled from someone, it drifts along through the desert looking for an oasis, some unsuspecting soul it can bedevil. When it doesn't find anyone, it says, 'I'll go back to my old haunt.' On return it finds the person spotlessly clean, but vacant. It then runs out and rounds up seven other spirits more evil than itself and they all move in, whooping it up. That person ends up far worse off than if he'd never gotten cleaned up in the first place. (Matt 12:43-44 MSG)
Maintaining our faith is similar to keeping up with our housework. It takes great effort in the beginning to whip both into shape, and each can be lost if we don't continue to look after them.
Taking care of our physical homes and our spiritual houses provides us with greater confidence. When our house is spotless, we don't worry about unexpected visitors. When we take care of our spiritual housekeeping through regular Bible reading, worship, and prayer, we don't get anxious about slipping back into old ways of living that separated us from God.
Today's Challenge
Does your house need a thorough cleaning? Does your spiritual life? Take a few minutes to consider the cleanliness of your home, as well as the cleanliness of your soul. If you need a housekeeper or a spiritual cleanse, find someone to help you get things in order.
A clean house gives us peace of mind.
For the past several months, my responsibilities outside of my home have been growing. Someone suggested that I hire a housekeeper, and I thought the idea sounded ridiculous. Surely, I could keep up with my little cottage. It's just the two of us at home now, along with one little poodle.
As the weeks turned into months, I began to realize that the time I used to devote to cleaning was being taken up with far more important tasks. And as the dust bunnies multiplied and the piles of clutter grew taller, I began to feel overwhelmed.
What if someone dropped in for a visit? There was no way I could hide the growing mess. Worse, the disarray in the house was clouding my head. I couldn't concentrate well on my writing and other pursuits, because everywhere I turned, there was another unresolved housekeeping issue.
A breath of fresh air
My new housekeeper arrived today, and within a few hours, the house began to smell incredibly fresh. Her energy invigorated me and inspired me to clear my desk and throw away stacks of papers that had been mounting on every horizontal surface.
At the end of the day, I had accomplished more in just a few hours than I had in weeks. I parted with some of my money, but the peace of mind that the housekeeper brought was worth it.
I went out to an appointment and returned home this evening to glowing floors and the subtle scent of Murphy's Oil Soap. There is nothing sweeter than returning to a well-kept home. It provides us with a haven where we can relax and think clearly. And it prepares us for the rest we need to go back out into the world in the morning, full of confidence.
Having our spiritual house swept clean makes room for something new.
Jesus spoke to his followers about the importance of continued learning after becoming believers. We may make a clean sweep of our souls through faith in Christ, but if we don't work at maturing, we may be in danger of letting in evil things that we thought we had put behind us.
Jesus said, When a defiling evil spirit is expelled from someone, it drifts along through the desert looking for an oasis, some unsuspecting soul it can bedevil. When it doesn't find anyone, it says, 'I'll go back to my old haunt.' On return it finds the person spotlessly clean, but vacant. It then runs out and rounds up seven other spirits more evil than itself and they all move in, whooping it up. That person ends up far worse off than if he'd never gotten cleaned up in the first place. (Matt 12:43-44 MSG)
Maintaining our faith is similar to keeping up with our housework. It takes great effort in the beginning to whip both into shape, and each can be lost if we don't continue to look after them.
Taking care of our physical homes and our spiritual houses provides us with greater confidence. When our house is spotless, we don't worry about unexpected visitors. When we take care of our spiritual housekeeping through regular Bible reading, worship, and prayer, we don't get anxious about slipping back into old ways of living that separated us from God.
Today's Challenge
Does your house need a thorough cleaning? Does your spiritual life? Take a few minutes to consider the cleanliness of your home, as well as the cleanliness of your soul. If you need a housekeeper or a spiritual cleanse, find someone to help you get things in order.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Dreams Do Come True!
We are learning about how to develop self-confidence during my series, Confident in God's Hands. But today, I want to talk about what happens when we place our confidence in God's ability to make our dreams come true.
The Green Canoe
A few years ago, I began reading books by various authors, both Christian and otherwise, about how powerful our dreams can be. When I say dreams, I don't mean the ones we see while we're sleeping. I'm talking about the ones that are planted in our hearts.
Joe really wanted a canoe when we moved to the lake, but we didn't have the money for one. So, I decided one day that I would look for a canoe along the route we would travel to a strawberry farm. On the way out of the house, I picked up the mail and discovered an unexpected tax refund check for $250. I tucked it into my checkbook and forgot about it.
I had this sense that I would find a green canoe sitting right next to the road with wooden paddles sticking up out of it. We drove for hours, and all the while, I was craning my neck. I saw yard sales, garage sales, houses for sale, but no canoes.
On the way home, I was so tired, I completely forgot about my search. I was half-asleep when I looked over and saw a green canoe practically sitting in the road, with two wooden paddles sticking up! I shouted at Joe to stop, and I think the poor guy nearly had heart failure.
I was convinced that this was my free canoe, but when Joe inquired about it, he discovered that it was $300. There was no way we could afford it, but I opened my checkbook to consider how I might pull off some bill-shuffling for Joe's sake. The government check for $250 fell out, and we convinced the seller to let us have the canoe for that amount.
The green canoe wasn't exactly free, but the purchase of it was a wash in my accounting system. When God puts a dream in our hearts, he finds creative ways to make them come true. This is why I stress repeatedly to readers and friends the importance of creating a vision board or a dream book that is filled with images of our dreams.
The Red Sedan
Today, my old car's transmission and radiator went out. The repairs far exceeded the value of the car, so I called Joe and asked him to pray for God to provide what we needed.
The salesman went through his inventory, looking for something within our budget. He only found two, and when we checked the lot, one had already been sold. That left a red sedan, which fit our budget and met my needs.
Ever since the green canoe miracle, I am much more keenly aware of God's working behind the scenes to make our dreams real. As I was test-driving the red sedan, I suddenly realized that I had pasted a picture of a nearly identical car in my dream book last year!
When I created that image in my head, God began to set things in motion to make my dream come true. I had no clue how it would happen, and I certainly didn't leave the house today with the intent of buying a car. But once again, God put the finances in place to make the purchase possible for us.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) tells us, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jesus said in Mark 11:24 (NIV), "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
Be bold in asking God for what you want! And have confidence in God's ability to provide. The Lord wants to bless us, but we must believe in his promises to prosper us. We must boldly pray when faced with challenges and wait expectantly for God to pull off something amazing.
Today's Challenge
What are your dreams? Have you told God about them? Have you written them down yet? Have you created a dream book or a vision board with magazine cut-outs, drawings, or brochures of what you want? There is tremendous power in God's promises, in faith, and in prayer. Dream big, ask, and believe with confidence that God can make just about any dream possible.
The Green Canoe
A few years ago, I began reading books by various authors, both Christian and otherwise, about how powerful our dreams can be. When I say dreams, I don't mean the ones we see while we're sleeping. I'm talking about the ones that are planted in our hearts.
Joe really wanted a canoe when we moved to the lake, but we didn't have the money for one. So, I decided one day that I would look for a canoe along the route we would travel to a strawberry farm. On the way out of the house, I picked up the mail and discovered an unexpected tax refund check for $250. I tucked it into my checkbook and forgot about it.
I had this sense that I would find a green canoe sitting right next to the road with wooden paddles sticking up out of it. We drove for hours, and all the while, I was craning my neck. I saw yard sales, garage sales, houses for sale, but no canoes.
On the way home, I was so tired, I completely forgot about my search. I was half-asleep when I looked over and saw a green canoe practically sitting in the road, with two wooden paddles sticking up! I shouted at Joe to stop, and I think the poor guy nearly had heart failure.
I was convinced that this was my free canoe, but when Joe inquired about it, he discovered that it was $300. There was no way we could afford it, but I opened my checkbook to consider how I might pull off some bill-shuffling for Joe's sake. The government check for $250 fell out, and we convinced the seller to let us have the canoe for that amount.
The green canoe wasn't exactly free, but the purchase of it was a wash in my accounting system. When God puts a dream in our hearts, he finds creative ways to make them come true. This is why I stress repeatedly to readers and friends the importance of creating a vision board or a dream book that is filled with images of our dreams.
The Red Sedan
Today, my old car's transmission and radiator went out. The repairs far exceeded the value of the car, so I called Joe and asked him to pray for God to provide what we needed.
The salesman went through his inventory, looking for something within our budget. He only found two, and when we checked the lot, one had already been sold. That left a red sedan, which fit our budget and met my needs.
Ever since the green canoe miracle, I am much more keenly aware of God's working behind the scenes to make our dreams real. As I was test-driving the red sedan, I suddenly realized that I had pasted a picture of a nearly identical car in my dream book last year!
When I created that image in my head, God began to set things in motion to make my dream come true. I had no clue how it would happen, and I certainly didn't leave the house today with the intent of buying a car. But once again, God put the finances in place to make the purchase possible for us.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) tells us, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jesus said in Mark 11:24 (NIV), "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
Be bold in asking God for what you want! And have confidence in God's ability to provide. The Lord wants to bless us, but we must believe in his promises to prosper us. We must boldly pray when faced with challenges and wait expectantly for God to pull off something amazing.
Today's Challenge
What are your dreams? Have you told God about them? Have you written them down yet? Have you created a dream book or a vision board with magazine cut-outs, drawings, or brochures of what you want? There is tremendous power in God's promises, in faith, and in prayer. Dream big, ask, and believe with confidence that God can make just about any dream possible.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Decorate to Express Your Personality
As survivors of abuse and trauma, we are learning how to become more confident during my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, we take a look at how we express ourselves with our decorating style.
Does your interior decor express the true you?
Cleanliness and organization are pretty basic, so let's delve deeper into how we express ourselves through the design of our homes and work places. Do both your home and your work space give people an idea of who you are? Or are you expressing your spouse's personality more than your own? Do you even know enough about yourself to say that you prefer certain styles over others?
When we moved to our lake house a couple of years ago, I decided that I was not going to allow Joe's tastes in interior design to overshadow mine. He loves heavy, claw-footed antiques, dark fabrics, and leather. This style feels oppressive to me, and I had been living with it for nearly ten years.
There's an enormous rose bush with hot pink blooms growing outside our front door, so I decided that I would extend that theme into the house. No, I didn't paint all of the walls pink, but I do believe that my house says a lot about who I am.
I have always loved the English cottage style, so I chose lace curtains, cotton fabrics with roses on them, and subtle shades of gold, green, wine, and pink in every room. The only room that does not include pink is Joe's study, where his heavy, clawfoot desk remains with his dark cherry book shelves.
My house is both my home and my work space. By making it a place where I feel that I can express myself freely through the decorating style, I have become more confident when people come to visit.
Today's Challenge
Do you feel at home in your house or work place? Of have you allowed someone else's tastes to dictate how it will look? Did a designer convince you to decorate in a way that makes you feel out of sorts? Do whatever it takes to make your house and your work environment put you at ease. Feeling confident in your own surroundings puts you on the path of success every time you walk through the door.
Does your interior decor express the true you?
Cleanliness and organization are pretty basic, so let's delve deeper into how we express ourselves through the design of our homes and work places. Do both your home and your work space give people an idea of who you are? Or are you expressing your spouse's personality more than your own? Do you even know enough about yourself to say that you prefer certain styles over others?
When we moved to our lake house a couple of years ago, I decided that I was not going to allow Joe's tastes in interior design to overshadow mine. He loves heavy, claw-footed antiques, dark fabrics, and leather. This style feels oppressive to me, and I had been living with it for nearly ten years.
There's an enormous rose bush with hot pink blooms growing outside our front door, so I decided that I would extend that theme into the house. No, I didn't paint all of the walls pink, but I do believe that my house says a lot about who I am.
I have always loved the English cottage style, so I chose lace curtains, cotton fabrics with roses on them, and subtle shades of gold, green, wine, and pink in every room. The only room that does not include pink is Joe's study, where his heavy, clawfoot desk remains with his dark cherry book shelves.
My house is both my home and my work space. By making it a place where I feel that I can express myself freely through the decorating style, I have become more confident when people come to visit.
Today's Challenge
Do you feel at home in your house or work place? Of have you allowed someone else's tastes to dictate how it will look? Did a designer convince you to decorate in a way that makes you feel out of sorts? Do whatever it takes to make your house and your work environment put you at ease. Feeling confident in your own surroundings puts you on the path of success every time you walk through the door.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Turn Off the Auto Pilot
We continue this week with my series, Confident in God's Hands. Through daily posts, I hope to encourage readers to restore the confidence that was lost through abuse or trauma.
Auto Pilot is supposed to be short-term.
Most jets are designed to include an auto pilot setting, which gives the pilot an opportunity to get out of his seat, walk to the bathroom, eat a meal, and stretch. By simply programming the aircraft to follow a specified course, he can momentarily forget about his duties.
Notice that I said he could momentarily set aside his duties. If the man set the auto pilot and then sat down in first class to sleep eight hours, he and the passengers could be in serious danger. They might overshoot their destination, run out of fuel, or collide with other aircraft.
Are we stuck on auto pilot?
If we have been abused for a very long time or if we've suffered a significant trauma, we tend to set our lives on auto pilot. Why? If our days have been unpredictable, the more stable we can make them, the better we feel.
While stability is a good thing, the problem with this auto pilot setting is that it can hurt us if we allow ourselves to stay on it for too long. We may feel safe by limiting ourselves to the confines of our homes, keeping to ourselves while out in public, and controlling the outcomes of most situations. However, we will never become confident as long as we stay on auto pilot.
God wants us to be bold.
Proverbs 28:1 (MSG) reads ...the righteous are as bold as a lion. God knows that we've been hurt. He was there during the abuse or trauma and in the aftermath of it. He offers us comfort for our pain, but eventually, he wants us to dry our eyes and get back to the business of living. He wants us to be bold, even after we've been hurt.
Like a pilot who's had a little break, there comes a time when we must return to our places. God put us here to carry out a mission, and we can't expect to fulfill his goals for us if we've set our lives on auto pilot. When we return to our rightful places, we discover that new challenges and successes give us opportunities to restore confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Is your life on auto pilot? Are you going to the same job, hanging out with the same old friends, and bypassing opportunities because it's safer than taking risks? Take a hard look at what you're doing and ask yourself if it's time to take a bold step into the unknown.
Auto Pilot is supposed to be short-term.
Most jets are designed to include an auto pilot setting, which gives the pilot an opportunity to get out of his seat, walk to the bathroom, eat a meal, and stretch. By simply programming the aircraft to follow a specified course, he can momentarily forget about his duties.
Notice that I said he could momentarily set aside his duties. If the man set the auto pilot and then sat down in first class to sleep eight hours, he and the passengers could be in serious danger. They might overshoot their destination, run out of fuel, or collide with other aircraft.
Are we stuck on auto pilot?
If we have been abused for a very long time or if we've suffered a significant trauma, we tend to set our lives on auto pilot. Why? If our days have been unpredictable, the more stable we can make them, the better we feel.
While stability is a good thing, the problem with this auto pilot setting is that it can hurt us if we allow ourselves to stay on it for too long. We may feel safe by limiting ourselves to the confines of our homes, keeping to ourselves while out in public, and controlling the outcomes of most situations. However, we will never become confident as long as we stay on auto pilot.
God wants us to be bold.
Proverbs 28:1 (MSG) reads ...the righteous are as bold as a lion. God knows that we've been hurt. He was there during the abuse or trauma and in the aftermath of it. He offers us comfort for our pain, but eventually, he wants us to dry our eyes and get back to the business of living. He wants us to be bold, even after we've been hurt.
Like a pilot who's had a little break, there comes a time when we must return to our places. God put us here to carry out a mission, and we can't expect to fulfill his goals for us if we've set our lives on auto pilot. When we return to our rightful places, we discover that new challenges and successes give us opportunities to restore confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Is your life on auto pilot? Are you going to the same job, hanging out with the same old friends, and bypassing opportunities because it's safer than taking risks? Take a hard look at what you're doing and ask yourself if it's time to take a bold step into the unknown.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Take Control of Your Time
We are learning this week about how to develop greater self-control as part of my series, Thriving in God's Garden. It is based on the fruit of the Spirit, which can be found in Galatians 5:22. Today, I would like to address the issue of time management.
Time can be a heavy burden.
I don't think I've ever met any active adult who tells me that they have too much time on their hands. Children may claim to be bored, and the elderly may feel the hours dragging in the loneliness of nursing homes, but the rest of us never seem to be able to keep up with all of the demands made upon us in the limited hours we have to work each day.
King Solomon wrote in Proverbs 3:1 (NIV), There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Since this Biblical truth applies to all of us, it stands to reason that we should all be figuring out how to best manage our time to carry out the activities that God has planned for us.
Time can become a heavy burden if we don't make daily plans to use it wisely. We can either fritter it away or fill it with too many activities. Both extremes will leave us feeling dissatisfied at the end of the day.
Take control of time, or it will control you.
I have found that the best way to manage my time is to chart out my day the night before. I make a list of all the things I need to do at home, the errands I need to run, and the phone calls I must make. Before I go to sleep, I put my list in order and note a time frame for completing each task.
While I'm sleeping, my mind is working on tomorrow's tasks. When I do this, I find myself waking up with an answer to a question, or I dream about characters and plot twists for my novels.
Live by your list.
Writing a list the night before makes the entire day flow more smoothly. I live by my list, checking off each task and bearing in mind how much time I have remaining before I must move on to the next one.
I rarely leave home without my list. If I forget to take it with me, I inevitaby wander aimlessly through stores, unaware of the time or of the list of tasks that need to be accomplished.
Perhaps all of this list-making sounds a bit controlling. Maybe some of you prefer to live more vicariously in the moment. That's great, provided you actually get anything accomplished.
I suffered a closed-head injury a number of years ago that left me with deficits in the area of the brain that governs management of numerous tasks. Without my lists, I'm lost. Many people who suffer from ADHD or PTSD have similar issues with time management.
But I don't see this need for lists as a stumbling block in my life. In fact, I'm glad that God allowed me to brain myself. At the end of the day, I can look at my lists and feel really terrific about all that I've accomplished. Without my lists, I can't remember what I've done.
If I keep my lists in a journal, I have a long record of how I filled my days. I enjoy going back through my journals to see that I actually did something worthwhile with my time.
Expect interruptions and delays.
If you've ever flown on a jet, you know that there are often delays which can leave you stranded in airports or hotels in strange cities far from home. Like airline delays, our daily schedules can be delayed by numerous interruptions, such as phone calls, requests for help from friends, the dog running off, or a kid scraping a knee.
If we plan extra margins of time around all of our scheduled activities, we will arrive at the end of the day feeling less stressed. In other words, if we think it will take an hour to do the grocery shopping, we should plan to take an hour and a half, just in case the clerk is slow, traffic is backed up, or we spend too long selecting a birthday card or trying on clothes.
Prioritize your tasks.
For those of us who are over-achievers, the habit of making lists can get us into trouble. I may go into the kitchen to write a grocery list, and I wind up making a separate list of all the things in the room that need attention...the knife drawer needs cleaning out, the curtains need washing, the light bulb is burned out, and so on. That leads me to the next room, and the next, until I've got a fistful of lists, each several pages long. How do I get all of this done in one day?
The answer is that I don't! I must decide whether it is more important to wash the curtains or to buy groceries. If I don't have time today to do both, I can set aside my kitchen-maintenance list until another day when I have fewer demands on my time.
Learn to say NO!
Many people feel harassed by the clock, because they don't know how to say no. Every time someone makes a request of their time, they say yes. At first, they feel good about themselves, because they are helping someone else. But after a while, they begin to resent people asking for help. They develop burn-out in their careers, their volunteer work, and their marriages, simply because they say yes to everything.
If you're stretched too thin because you've agreed to help everyone who has ever asked you, start backing out of some of your commitments. Remind yourself that you're giving another person the opportunity to be helpful in your place, and you're making a better life for yourself.
Live on your own time one day every week.
I believe it is imperative for all of us to carve out a little time each week to just be. When Joe and I first got married, we used to go to a park after church and lie down on a blanket. We listened to the children laughing on the playground, watched the clouds floating by overhead, or closed our eyes and snoozed. This habit really helped us to recharge our batteries for the week ahead.
God commands us to rest on the Lord's day, and I believe there is great wisdom in following this law. Rest isn't just about sleeping. It's about forgetting the time, the lists, and all of the responsibilities that belong to the rest of the week.
Today's Challenge
How are you doing with time management? Are you making lists, planning your time, working your list, providing extra margins of time for interruptions, prioritizing tasks, resistng the urge to over-commit, and resting one day each week? Try following these suggestions next week and send me a comment to let me know if this helps you to be more self-controlled.
Time can be a heavy burden.
I don't think I've ever met any active adult who tells me that they have too much time on their hands. Children may claim to be bored, and the elderly may feel the hours dragging in the loneliness of nursing homes, but the rest of us never seem to be able to keep up with all of the demands made upon us in the limited hours we have to work each day.
King Solomon wrote in Proverbs 3:1 (NIV), There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Since this Biblical truth applies to all of us, it stands to reason that we should all be figuring out how to best manage our time to carry out the activities that God has planned for us.
Time can become a heavy burden if we don't make daily plans to use it wisely. We can either fritter it away or fill it with too many activities. Both extremes will leave us feeling dissatisfied at the end of the day.
Take control of time, or it will control you.
I have found that the best way to manage my time is to chart out my day the night before. I make a list of all the things I need to do at home, the errands I need to run, and the phone calls I must make. Before I go to sleep, I put my list in order and note a time frame for completing each task.
While I'm sleeping, my mind is working on tomorrow's tasks. When I do this, I find myself waking up with an answer to a question, or I dream about characters and plot twists for my novels.
Live by your list.
Writing a list the night before makes the entire day flow more smoothly. I live by my list, checking off each task and bearing in mind how much time I have remaining before I must move on to the next one.
I rarely leave home without my list. If I forget to take it with me, I inevitaby wander aimlessly through stores, unaware of the time or of the list of tasks that need to be accomplished.
Perhaps all of this list-making sounds a bit controlling. Maybe some of you prefer to live more vicariously in the moment. That's great, provided you actually get anything accomplished.
I suffered a closed-head injury a number of years ago that left me with deficits in the area of the brain that governs management of numerous tasks. Without my lists, I'm lost. Many people who suffer from ADHD or PTSD have similar issues with time management.
But I don't see this need for lists as a stumbling block in my life. In fact, I'm glad that God allowed me to brain myself. At the end of the day, I can look at my lists and feel really terrific about all that I've accomplished. Without my lists, I can't remember what I've done.
If I keep my lists in a journal, I have a long record of how I filled my days. I enjoy going back through my journals to see that I actually did something worthwhile with my time.
Expect interruptions and delays.
If you've ever flown on a jet, you know that there are often delays which can leave you stranded in airports or hotels in strange cities far from home. Like airline delays, our daily schedules can be delayed by numerous interruptions, such as phone calls, requests for help from friends, the dog running off, or a kid scraping a knee.
If we plan extra margins of time around all of our scheduled activities, we will arrive at the end of the day feeling less stressed. In other words, if we think it will take an hour to do the grocery shopping, we should plan to take an hour and a half, just in case the clerk is slow, traffic is backed up, or we spend too long selecting a birthday card or trying on clothes.
Prioritize your tasks.
For those of us who are over-achievers, the habit of making lists can get us into trouble. I may go into the kitchen to write a grocery list, and I wind up making a separate list of all the things in the room that need attention...the knife drawer needs cleaning out, the curtains need washing, the light bulb is burned out, and so on. That leads me to the next room, and the next, until I've got a fistful of lists, each several pages long. How do I get all of this done in one day?
The answer is that I don't! I must decide whether it is more important to wash the curtains or to buy groceries. If I don't have time today to do both, I can set aside my kitchen-maintenance list until another day when I have fewer demands on my time.
Learn to say NO!
Many people feel harassed by the clock, because they don't know how to say no. Every time someone makes a request of their time, they say yes. At first, they feel good about themselves, because they are helping someone else. But after a while, they begin to resent people asking for help. They develop burn-out in their careers, their volunteer work, and their marriages, simply because they say yes to everything.
If you're stretched too thin because you've agreed to help everyone who has ever asked you, start backing out of some of your commitments. Remind yourself that you're giving another person the opportunity to be helpful in your place, and you're making a better life for yourself.
Live on your own time one day every week.
I believe it is imperative for all of us to carve out a little time each week to just be. When Joe and I first got married, we used to go to a park after church and lie down on a blanket. We listened to the children laughing on the playground, watched the clouds floating by overhead, or closed our eyes and snoozed. This habit really helped us to recharge our batteries for the week ahead.
God commands us to rest on the Lord's day, and I believe there is great wisdom in following this law. Rest isn't just about sleeping. It's about forgetting the time, the lists, and all of the responsibilities that belong to the rest of the week.
Today's Challenge
How are you doing with time management? Are you making lists, planning your time, working your list, providing extra margins of time for interruptions, prioritizing tasks, resistng the urge to over-commit, and resting one day each week? Try following these suggestions next week and send me a comment to let me know if this helps you to be more self-controlled.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Self-Control Protects Us From Evil
This week marks the last of my nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden. This study has been based on the fruit of the Spirit, which is found in Galatians 5:22: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. We conclude with five lessons about self-control.
Don't leave yourself open to evil.
Proverbs 25:28 (MSG) reads, A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out. What does this mean?
In recent weeks, an F-5 tornado raced across the southern and midwestern United States, leaving a path of destruction in its mile-wide wake. Joe and I drove through some of the areas that were hit, and we were shocked by the devastation. At one exit along the interstate, enormous commercial buildings were missing roofs, windows, and walls.
Consider how vulnerable a building is without its roof, doors, or windows. Looters can steal merchandise from inside, rain can cause further damage, and wild animals can take up residence there. It is completely unprotected.
Like a building with its doors and windows missing, we can open ourselves up to all kinds of evil if we lack self-control. This week, we will be looking into what happens when we fail to control our appetites, our sex drives, our daily routines, and our emotions.
God is our best ally when learning self-control.
My greatest challenge in the area of self-control is my tongue. I tend to talk far more than I listen. Maybe that's why I feel compelled to write so many words every day!
No matter what challenges us, God can help. We can pray that he will show us areas of our lives that are out of control. Being blind to our faults can be problematic, particularly if we are always focused on others' flaws.
We can also pray that God will teach us to develop greater self-control. Doing this makes us more mindful of the things that we need to change, and it gives God opportunities to put us in situations where we will need to exercise self-control.
Today's Challenge
Consider what it means to you to be self-controlled. Ask God to show you where you need to improve, and then in your journal, write down instances when you failed to exercise self-control. Pray for opportunities to exhibit greater self-control the next time a similar situation arises.
Don't leave yourself open to evil.
Proverbs 25:28 (MSG) reads, A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out. What does this mean?
In recent weeks, an F-5 tornado raced across the southern and midwestern United States, leaving a path of destruction in its mile-wide wake. Joe and I drove through some of the areas that were hit, and we were shocked by the devastation. At one exit along the interstate, enormous commercial buildings were missing roofs, windows, and walls.
Consider how vulnerable a building is without its roof, doors, or windows. Looters can steal merchandise from inside, rain can cause further damage, and wild animals can take up residence there. It is completely unprotected.
Like a building with its doors and windows missing, we can open ourselves up to all kinds of evil if we lack self-control. This week, we will be looking into what happens when we fail to control our appetites, our sex drives, our daily routines, and our emotions.
God is our best ally when learning self-control.
My greatest challenge in the area of self-control is my tongue. I tend to talk far more than I listen. Maybe that's why I feel compelled to write so many words every day!
No matter what challenges us, God can help. We can pray that he will show us areas of our lives that are out of control. Being blind to our faults can be problematic, particularly if we are always focused on others' flaws.
We can also pray that God will teach us to develop greater self-control. Doing this makes us more mindful of the things that we need to change, and it gives God opportunities to put us in situations where we will need to exercise self-control.
Today's Challenge
Consider what it means to you to be self-controlled. Ask God to show you where you need to improve, and then in your journal, write down instances when you failed to exercise self-control. Pray for opportunities to exhibit greater self-control the next time a similar situation arises.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Violence Never Pays
We are learning this week about how to become more gentle with others as part of my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I would like us to think about what people lose if they are prone to fits of anger and violent behavior.
Violence gets you nowhere.
Proverbs 11:16 (MSG) makes an excellent point about the advantages of gentleness and the futility of violence. It reads, A woman of gentle grace gets respect, but men of rough violence grab for loot.
This verse shows us that if a woman is kindhearted, she will earn the respect of those around her. In contrast, a man who is violent will never receive respect, even if he is wealthy.
I have known a number of very wealthy men who were also violent. They liked to believe that they had their wives' respect and that all other men wished to be like them. The sad truth is that their wives complained bitterly about them behind their backs, and other men thought they were losers.
As survivors of abuse, we must learn how to discern between men who are violent and those who are gentlemen. Often, wealthy men can create illusions that trap unsuspecting women into believing that they are charming. I learned the hard way that wealth can be a great deceiver. Just because a guy has lots of cash to flash around doesn't mean he's a great catch.
Become a woman of gentle grace.
So what, exactly, is gentle grace? In my mind, a woman with this quality is quiet. She doesn't talk loudly or tell crude jokes. She avoids gossip and only speaks about people positively, both to their faces and behind their backs.
If a gentle woman encounters a violent man, she doesn't cower and allow him to mistreat her. On the other hand, she doesn't get into shouting matches with him, either. She is the type who would calmly tell him that he is not permitted to mistreat her, and then she would walk away. If he continued to hurt her, she would remove herself completely out of harm's way. Out on her own, she would not bad-mouth the violent man. She would simply move on with her life of peace.
I would like to become more gentle, but I've got a long way to go. It's so easy to remember the hurts I've suffered and to speak negatively about those who have hurt me. I pray that God will give me more opportunities to speak positively, in spite of all that I've endured.
Today's Challenge
Are you a woman of gentle grace? If not, how can you become gentler and quieter? Ask God to help you change your reactions to violent people so that you maintain your peace, in spite of their behavior.
Violence gets you nowhere.
Proverbs 11:16 (MSG) makes an excellent point about the advantages of gentleness and the futility of violence. It reads, A woman of gentle grace gets respect, but men of rough violence grab for loot.
This verse shows us that if a woman is kindhearted, she will earn the respect of those around her. In contrast, a man who is violent will never receive respect, even if he is wealthy.
I have known a number of very wealthy men who were also violent. They liked to believe that they had their wives' respect and that all other men wished to be like them. The sad truth is that their wives complained bitterly about them behind their backs, and other men thought they were losers.
As survivors of abuse, we must learn how to discern between men who are violent and those who are gentlemen. Often, wealthy men can create illusions that trap unsuspecting women into believing that they are charming. I learned the hard way that wealth can be a great deceiver. Just because a guy has lots of cash to flash around doesn't mean he's a great catch.
Become a woman of gentle grace.
So what, exactly, is gentle grace? In my mind, a woman with this quality is quiet. She doesn't talk loudly or tell crude jokes. She avoids gossip and only speaks about people positively, both to their faces and behind their backs.
If a gentle woman encounters a violent man, she doesn't cower and allow him to mistreat her. On the other hand, she doesn't get into shouting matches with him, either. She is the type who would calmly tell him that he is not permitted to mistreat her, and then she would walk away. If he continued to hurt her, she would remove herself completely out of harm's way. Out on her own, she would not bad-mouth the violent man. She would simply move on with her life of peace.
I would like to become more gentle, but I've got a long way to go. It's so easy to remember the hurts I've suffered and to speak negatively about those who have hurt me. I pray that God will give me more opportunities to speak positively, in spite of all that I've endured.
Today's Challenge
Are you a woman of gentle grace? If not, how can you become gentler and quieter? Ask God to help you change your reactions to violent people so that you maintain your peace, in spite of their behavior.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Bullies Never Win
Our discussion this week is centered on the concept of gentleness and is a continuation of my nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I'd like to concentrate on bullying, since it has become so prevalent in recent years.
We've all met at least one bully.
When I was about four years old, there were two bullies in my neighborhood. One was a teenage boy who approached me one afternoon while I was sitting on my front steps. In his hand, he was carrying the old washing machine hose that my dad had thrown in the trash the night before.
Without provocation, the boy walked up to me and began beating me with that rubber hose. I tried to protect myself by curling up in a ball, but he simply kept hitting me over and over. At the time, I remember wondering why anyone would do something so cruel. Eventually, he stopped, tossed the hose back into the trash can, and walked away.
The second bully I grew up with was a girl who was two years older than I was. Relentlessly, she picked on me during our one-mile walk to and from school. She waited in the bushes until I passed by, and then jumped out to tackle me to the ground. Other days, she tripped me, pinched me, slapped me, or stole my lunch from me.
One afternoon, the bully tried to wrench my lunch box from my hand. That was her first mistake, because that box belonged to my brother. He'd warned me that morning not to lose it or mess it up. For years, I had allowed this girl to pick on me, but I was determined not to let her spoil my brother's favorite lunch box.
With all the strength I could muster, I windmilled her over the head with that metal lunchbox. To my surprise, her knees buckled, and I walked the rest of the way home in peace.
The following day, the bully's sister told me that the family had spent the evening in the emergency room. Apparently, my brother's lunch box had given the bully a concussion. I felt badly for her, but at the same time, my actions brought me some relief: she never picked on me again.
I'm not advocating violence here, but I do wish to make the point that if we allow bullies to pick on us, they will not stop. It is imperative that we find a way to dissuade bullies, either by traveling through life in groups or by involving someone more powerful than the bully to put an end to his actions. This may include supportive friends, neighbors, or even the police.
Scratch a bully, find a victim.
We can all relate to the feelings of helplessness that bullying creates. But do we ever take the time to understand a bully?
A counselor once told me, "Sratch a bully, find a victim." What she meant by that phrase was that if you scratch through the mean surface, most bullies were once themselves victims of bullying or abuse. They don't know how to appropriately express their anger, so they take it out on weaker people.
Understanding the bully does not mean that we condone his actions. But perhaps knowing why he behaves as he does will help us to pray for him to change.
God is never a bully.
We are learning how to be gentle, and one way of doing that is to study God's character. He never bullies anyone.
The story of Job's suffering from significant losses and illness gives us a glimpse into God's character, as well as Job's. In spite of all the challenges that God allowed Job to endure, Job never blamed God for his afflictions.
Job said, "It's true that God is all-powerful, but he doesn't bully innocent people. For the wicked, though, it's a different story— he doesn't give them the time of day, but champions the rights of their victims. He never takes his eyes off the righteous; he honors them lavishly, promotes them endlessly. When things go badly, when affliction and suffering descend, God tells them where they've gone wrong, shows them how their pride has caused their trouble. He forces them to heed his warning, tells them they must repent of their bad life. If they obey and serve him, they'll have a good, long life on easy street. But if they disobey, they'll be cut down in their prime and never know the first thing about life. Angry people without God pile grievance upon grievance, always blaming others for their troubles. Living it up in sexual excesses, virility wasted, they die young. But those who learn from their suffering, God delivers from their suffering.
(Job 36:5 MSG)
Gentle people have learned from their mistakes.
The passage above shows us that we may, at times, come to the conclusion that our troubles were a result of someone else's evil actions or of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. In such instances, we can rely on God to help us understand, as Job did.
At other times, we may suffer as a result of our own sin or pride. During these instances, we must admit that we've gotten ourselves into a jam through our own errors. Then, we must humble ourselves, admit our mistakes, and learn from them. In the process, gentleness grows.
The bully does not take advantage of this learning curve. He remains angry with God, and he takes it out on everyone around him. He continues doing things his own way, without regard for whom he is hurting. His life rarely improves, because he refuses to look inward.
As survivors of abuse, we must make sure that we are continually looking inward. With a spirit of humility and reliance on God's grace, we can admit our faults so that we can grow ever more gentle. And when we encounter bullies, we can pray for them. Developing such wonderful understanding leads us even closer to the gentle spirit we desire.
Today's Challenge
Were you bullied as a child? Write down how you felt at the time and how you responded. What would you do differently today?
We've all met at least one bully.
When I was about four years old, there were two bullies in my neighborhood. One was a teenage boy who approached me one afternoon while I was sitting on my front steps. In his hand, he was carrying the old washing machine hose that my dad had thrown in the trash the night before.
Without provocation, the boy walked up to me and began beating me with that rubber hose. I tried to protect myself by curling up in a ball, but he simply kept hitting me over and over. At the time, I remember wondering why anyone would do something so cruel. Eventually, he stopped, tossed the hose back into the trash can, and walked away.
The second bully I grew up with was a girl who was two years older than I was. Relentlessly, she picked on me during our one-mile walk to and from school. She waited in the bushes until I passed by, and then jumped out to tackle me to the ground. Other days, she tripped me, pinched me, slapped me, or stole my lunch from me.
One afternoon, the bully tried to wrench my lunch box from my hand. That was her first mistake, because that box belonged to my brother. He'd warned me that morning not to lose it or mess it up. For years, I had allowed this girl to pick on me, but I was determined not to let her spoil my brother's favorite lunch box.
With all the strength I could muster, I windmilled her over the head with that metal lunchbox. To my surprise, her knees buckled, and I walked the rest of the way home in peace.
The following day, the bully's sister told me that the family had spent the evening in the emergency room. Apparently, my brother's lunch box had given the bully a concussion. I felt badly for her, but at the same time, my actions brought me some relief: she never picked on me again.
I'm not advocating violence here, but I do wish to make the point that if we allow bullies to pick on us, they will not stop. It is imperative that we find a way to dissuade bullies, either by traveling through life in groups or by involving someone more powerful than the bully to put an end to his actions. This may include supportive friends, neighbors, or even the police.
Scratch a bully, find a victim.
We can all relate to the feelings of helplessness that bullying creates. But do we ever take the time to understand a bully?
A counselor once told me, "Sratch a bully, find a victim." What she meant by that phrase was that if you scratch through the mean surface, most bullies were once themselves victims of bullying or abuse. They don't know how to appropriately express their anger, so they take it out on weaker people.
Understanding the bully does not mean that we condone his actions. But perhaps knowing why he behaves as he does will help us to pray for him to change.
God is never a bully.
We are learning how to be gentle, and one way of doing that is to study God's character. He never bullies anyone.
The story of Job's suffering from significant losses and illness gives us a glimpse into God's character, as well as Job's. In spite of all the challenges that God allowed Job to endure, Job never blamed God for his afflictions.
Job said, "It's true that God is all-powerful, but he doesn't bully innocent people. For the wicked, though, it's a different story— he doesn't give them the time of day, but champions the rights of their victims. He never takes his eyes off the righteous; he honors them lavishly, promotes them endlessly. When things go badly, when affliction and suffering descend, God tells them where they've gone wrong, shows them how their pride has caused their trouble. He forces them to heed his warning, tells them they must repent of their bad life. If they obey and serve him, they'll have a good, long life on easy street. But if they disobey, they'll be cut down in their prime and never know the first thing about life. Angry people without God pile grievance upon grievance, always blaming others for their troubles. Living it up in sexual excesses, virility wasted, they die young. But those who learn from their suffering, God delivers from their suffering.
(Job 36:5 MSG)
Gentle people have learned from their mistakes.
The passage above shows us that we may, at times, come to the conclusion that our troubles were a result of someone else's evil actions or of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. In such instances, we can rely on God to help us understand, as Job did.
At other times, we may suffer as a result of our own sin or pride. During these instances, we must admit that we've gotten ourselves into a jam through our own errors. Then, we must humble ourselves, admit our mistakes, and learn from them. In the process, gentleness grows.
The bully does not take advantage of this learning curve. He remains angry with God, and he takes it out on everyone around him. He continues doing things his own way, without regard for whom he is hurting. His life rarely improves, because he refuses to look inward.
As survivors of abuse, we must make sure that we are continually looking inward. With a spirit of humility and reliance on God's grace, we can admit our faults so that we can grow ever more gentle. And when we encounter bullies, we can pray for them. Developing such wonderful understanding leads us even closer to the gentle spirit we desire.
Today's Challenge
Were you bullied as a child? Write down how you felt at the time and how you responded. What would you do differently today?
Monday, May 16, 2011
Be Gentle With Your Words
This week, we are learning how to become more gentle people, and today I would like to address the issue of how our speech affects others. This is a continuation of my series, Thriving in God's Garden.
Don't devour your neighbor.
The apostle Paul wrote the book of Galatians as a letter which was addressed to a group of early Christians. They were bickering over whether following the law or finding freedom in the Gospel was the way to heaven.
Paul wrote to them, "Love your neighbor as yourself. If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." (Gal. 5:15 NIV)
The image of biting and devouring other people seems pretty gruesome, but that is exactly what we are doing when we talk to one another with sarcasm. The dictionary defines sarcasm as a sharply mocking or contemptuously ironic remark intended to wound another. In Greek, the word sarkasmos means to bite the lips in rage.
Sarcasm is a cover-up for bitterness.
I know a family who uses sarcasm constantly. They tease one another mercilessly and make very unkind remarks among themselves about the faults of the weaker members. Whenever I am with them, I feel terrible for the people who are the brunt of the unkind jokes. It is easy to see that the sarcastic remarks stem from bitterness over old hurts that should have been resolved years ago.
When I raise objections about these types of conversations with this family, they grin and say it's all just fun and games. While it may be fun for the one tearing someone else apart, I doubt that it's very pleasant for the weaker ones suffering the flesh-tearing verbal assaults.
Sarcasm has no place in our lives if we want to learn to be more gentle people. Unkind words that poke fun at others may make people laugh on late-night TV, but they're not appropriate within the family context. Someone must always be the butt of the joke, and I don't believe they can escape feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, or humiliation as a result.
When my children were young, I intervened whenever sarcastic cracks were made between them. Sarcasm is a form of verbal abuse, and I find it completely unacceptable. I refuse to tolerate it.
Sarcasm is not how we express love.
As survivors of either childhood or marital abuse, many of us know how it feels to be put down with sarcasm. It hurts, and the wounds left behind are difficult to heal. We may grow up believing that this is how families express love to one another, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Whenever I meet someone who is very sarcastic, it doesn't take long to peel back the layers of hurt and find a person who was deeply wounded in childhood. They are often angry and have never learned how to express their rage. Sarcasm allows them to throw out barbs under the guise of humor, but anyone with some sensitivity can see beyond the jokes to the underlying pain.
Be gentle with your words.
There are many ways to laugh together without being sarcastic or poking fun at individuals or entire people groups. Comedy comes in many forms, and some jokes are funny without being bitter.
We can laugh over lots of things besides stupid jokes, too. The antics of our pets and children can make us laugh out loud. Overflowing joy can bring a smile to our faces if we experience something wonderful, such as an exhilarating parasail ride, a run down a powdery ski slope, or a dash through the sprinkler out on the front lawn.
We all need to find ways to use words to build up and encourage one another. We must walk away from conversations where others are bitterly pouring out sarcasm. Perhaps this means turning off the TV or walking out of a comedy show where actors are putting down people, including those in the audience. If we're feeling really courageous, we can stick up for someone who's the brunt of a mean joke. We'll feel better, and I'm sure others will, too.
Today's Challenge
Are you the brunt of a sarcastic abuser's jokes? Or are you the one dishing out the pain with unkind sarcasm? Make a commitment today to become a gentler person by giving up all forms of sarcasm. Refuse to accept it or dole it out.
Don't devour your neighbor.
The apostle Paul wrote the book of Galatians as a letter which was addressed to a group of early Christians. They were bickering over whether following the law or finding freedom in the Gospel was the way to heaven.
Paul wrote to them, "Love your neighbor as yourself. If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." (Gal. 5:15 NIV)
The image of biting and devouring other people seems pretty gruesome, but that is exactly what we are doing when we talk to one another with sarcasm. The dictionary defines sarcasm as a sharply mocking or contemptuously ironic remark intended to wound another. In Greek, the word sarkasmos means to bite the lips in rage.
Sarcasm is a cover-up for bitterness.
I know a family who uses sarcasm constantly. They tease one another mercilessly and make very unkind remarks among themselves about the faults of the weaker members. Whenever I am with them, I feel terrible for the people who are the brunt of the unkind jokes. It is easy to see that the sarcastic remarks stem from bitterness over old hurts that should have been resolved years ago.
When I raise objections about these types of conversations with this family, they grin and say it's all just fun and games. While it may be fun for the one tearing someone else apart, I doubt that it's very pleasant for the weaker ones suffering the flesh-tearing verbal assaults.
Sarcasm has no place in our lives if we want to learn to be more gentle people. Unkind words that poke fun at others may make people laugh on late-night TV, but they're not appropriate within the family context. Someone must always be the butt of the joke, and I don't believe they can escape feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, or humiliation as a result.
When my children were young, I intervened whenever sarcastic cracks were made between them. Sarcasm is a form of verbal abuse, and I find it completely unacceptable. I refuse to tolerate it.
Sarcasm is not how we express love.
As survivors of either childhood or marital abuse, many of us know how it feels to be put down with sarcasm. It hurts, and the wounds left behind are difficult to heal. We may grow up believing that this is how families express love to one another, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Whenever I meet someone who is very sarcastic, it doesn't take long to peel back the layers of hurt and find a person who was deeply wounded in childhood. They are often angry and have never learned how to express their rage. Sarcasm allows them to throw out barbs under the guise of humor, but anyone with some sensitivity can see beyond the jokes to the underlying pain.
Be gentle with your words.
There are many ways to laugh together without being sarcastic or poking fun at individuals or entire people groups. Comedy comes in many forms, and some jokes are funny without being bitter.
We can laugh over lots of things besides stupid jokes, too. The antics of our pets and children can make us laugh out loud. Overflowing joy can bring a smile to our faces if we experience something wonderful, such as an exhilarating parasail ride, a run down a powdery ski slope, or a dash through the sprinkler out on the front lawn.
We all need to find ways to use words to build up and encourage one another. We must walk away from conversations where others are bitterly pouring out sarcasm. Perhaps this means turning off the TV or walking out of a comedy show where actors are putting down people, including those in the audience. If we're feeling really courageous, we can stick up for someone who's the brunt of a mean joke. We'll feel better, and I'm sure others will, too.
Today's Challenge
Are you the brunt of a sarcastic abuser's jokes? Or are you the one dishing out the pain with unkind sarcasm? Make a commitment today to become a gentler person by giving up all forms of sarcasm. Refuse to accept it or dole it out.
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