Decide What You Want

Jack Canfield's Principle #3

In Success Principle #3, Jack Canfield teaches us that we must figure out exactly what we want out of life. It's the longest lesson in the book, and I wish he had divided it. I recommend working on this over the entire course, tweaking it as you go. There are 10 steps, as follows:

(1) Understand that most of our dreams are programmed out of us through childhood critics.
When we are born, God places dreams into our hearts. We know what we want, but the grown-ups, teachers, and critics in our lives tell us what they want us to do.

I dreamed of becoming a writer when I was in high school, but the adults in my world told me that I would die of starvation if I followed that course. It took me nearly 30 years to get back to what I knew I wanted.

(2) Don't live someone else's dream.
When I was in college, I couldn't seem to settle on any one particular subject. I no longer had a clue what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I tried taking classes in nearly every department. As graduation loomed, my classmates urged me to become a teacher or a nurse. Since I was planning to get married, they felt either career would be good for a wife and mother. I listened to them and decided to become an elementary teacher, since I knew a little bit about a lot of things. I wish I had listened to my own heart.

(3) Stop settling for less.
We are taught from an early age that we are not supposed to get what we want. We learn to resist our desires so that we don't grow up to be selfish brats. Unfortunately, this puts us into the habit of allowing others to get what they want, while our desires are ignored.

During my first marriage, my husband dictated the type of bedtime attire that I wore. He shopped at Frederick's of Hollywood, so you can imagine how I looked. I hated feeling like a floozie, tottering around in stilettos and various see-through garments.

After a lot of counseling, I proclaimed my independence by setting fire to everything I wore to bed. I marched into a department store, determined to buy something that I wanted. As I stood there, surrounded by thousands of choices, I realized that I had no clue what I wanted to wear to bed. I burst into tears and went home with nothing. If you're letting everyone else choose what you want, it's time to break this nasty habit today.

(4) Jack asks readers to make three 30-item "I want" lists.
This is a device to help us brainstorm what we want out of life. Don't be surprised if it takes a while, especially if you're used to letting others tell you what you want. The lists include:

-30 things you want to do before you die;
-30 things you want to have; and
-30 things you want to be.

(5) Next, Jack asks us to make a list of 20 things we love to do; and then think of ways to make a living at it.
This task can be a little more difficult, because many of us can't think outside the box when it comes to making a living at what we love.

At one point, I decided that I loved to sew. I thought about ways to make a living at it, and by working in a sewing store part-time, I fell into the career of making custom window treatments. I think that when we just start doing what we love, the job often follows.

(6) Clarify your vision to include the seven areas of your life, as follows:

-work and career
-finances
-recreation and free time
-health and fitness
-relationships
-personal goals
-community contributions

Many of us know that our lives are out of balance, but we can't figure out why. When we write down what we want, most of us come to see that there are one or two areas where we're weak.

For me, recreation and free time are usually blank when I work on this. I was programmed from early on that I must work, work, work. Sitting still meant I was lazy. My parents taught me a good work ethic, but they failed to teach me that it was okay to play, too. I meet a lot of others with this same problem, but we can reverse it through this lesson.

(7) Jack takes the reader through a long process, called the Vision Exercise, on pages 32 and 33 of his book. I highly recommend following it.

My vision exercise took me several days to finish. I decided to create what I call my Dream Book. It's a three-ring notebook with sheet protectors in it. The pages in it contain personal affirmations, magazine pictures, and photographs of the things I want out of life. I look through it every single day, and it really keeps me on track with my purpose.

At the end of the 64-day process, I plan to teach a class on how to create a dream book. Let me know if you're interested in attending. Details will follow.

(8) Dream big!
Jack points out that people who win big in life are people who dream big. It takes just as long to dream something small as it does to dream something big. And if we envision a big dream, our subconscious will help us to achieve it.

I dreamed of owning a house at a lake. I put that idea into my dream book, and one year later, I was moving in. Without the dream, the house would never have materialized. We attract what we think about.

(9) Don't let anyone discourage you.
Along the way, someone is going to tell you that your dreams are unrealistic, selfish, un-Christian, or ridiculous. Don't listen to them. If God put a dream in your heart, he can bring it to reality. All things are possible with God! (Mark 10:27)

(10) Share your vision with a trusted friend.
Throughout this process, we all need an accountability partner. Choose someone you trust (not your critic!) and share your dreams with them. Show them your dream book, and ask them to pray for you. Work together to make sure you stick with this to the end.

My dream book keeps me going, particularly when life throws me a curve ball. After my car accident this summer, I lost the use of my right hand. Every day, I looked at my magazine cut-outs of women doing yoga, and I read the sentence that states, I practice 20 minutes of yoga daily. I never gave up believing that I would once again perform poses that placed high demands on my right wrist and hand. This week, for the first time since the accident, I made it into those demanding yoga poses!

Today's Challenge:
Set aside time and go someplace quiet to think about what you want. Write it all down. You'll be amazed by the results!