Who Cares?

I've got 22 days left to make sure that my wedding gift to my daughter brings squeals of delight, I look svelte at the ceremony, my house warrants a cover story in Architectural Digest, and my yard holds up to the standards of Better Homes and Gardens. So, I'm sewing a gift and a wedding dress, building window treatments, and pulling weeds today, all while lifting barbells to the count of an exercise coach barking orders at me from a video. What's on your to-do list?

Actually, that was the way I used to live. Perfectionism was a way of life for me. But then God turned it all around by giving me MS. It's hard to have buns of steel when the best you can do with your legs is a slow shuffle to the bathroom behind a walker. Paralyzing me was God's way of giving me a very different perspective. No, I'm not talking about the nail pops on my bedroom ceiling. It taught me that some things are really unimportant, like having the perfect house, the trimmest body, or the most beautiful lawn in the neighborhood.

Getting sidelined by an erratic, unpredictable disease taught me what is important: the love of my husband, great relationships with my kids, friendships with deeply spiritual people, and service to others with even greater needs than my own.

Perfectionism makes us tense. We clench our teeth and breathe in short little gasps throughout the day. We make to-do lists that ten people couldn't accomplish in a week, and berate ourselves for not completing every item in one day. We lie awake at night, tossing and turning until our sheets are tied in knots. We wonder how we will ever accomplish all that we have mandated for ourselves tomorrow. When the alarm goes off, we dread what lies ahead: another day filled with drudgery that we unwittingly designed for ourselves.

This is not how God wants us to spend our days. He wants us to experience joy in unexpected delights, such as the cardinal on the back porch blinking a tiny eye at us during breakfast; the sun glinting off the lake during our noon walk; or the miracle of a breath-taking rose bush showing off bright pink blooms. We can't enjoy these moments if we are rushing, rushing, rushing to get everything done on that list we've written for ourselves.

I've learned the most important phrases in the English language: So what? It doesn't matter! and Who cares? We were sent here to please God, not to impress our neighbors.

If perfectionism is driving you, take time today to figure out why you feel so compelled to be perfect. Are you subconsciously trying to please an overly critical parent? Trying to get the attention of someone important? Feeling so inadequate that perfectionism is the only way you can feel good anymore?

I challenge you to cast aside one perfectionistic trait today. Perhaps you'll warrant a comment from a neighbor like I once heard from mine: "Someday, I hope to care so little about my lawn that it looks as awful as yours." Now that's the kind of praise I can glow over. Because with comments like that, I know I've arrived at a point of caring little for what people think about me and concentrating more on how pleasing I am in God's sight.