We conclude this week with one final lesson on kindness. This is a continuation of my nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden. It is based on the fruit of the Spirit, found in Galatians 5:22. Next week, we will learn about goodness.
God's kindness often goes together with discipline.
We have learned this week that God is kind. He cares for us when we are in trouble, and he shows us kindnesses when we don't deserve it. We must remember, however, that God is not lopsidedly kind, no matter what. If we break his commands, we can count on being disciplined, but we can be sure that God will sprinkle in a little kindness with the upbraiding.
Romans 11:21 (MSG) reads, If God didn't think twice about taking pruning shears to the natural branches, why would he hesitate over you? He wouldn't give it a second thought. Make sure you stay alert to these qualities of gentle kindness and ruthless severity that exist side by side in God—ruthless with the deadwood, gentle with the grafted shoot. But don't presume on this gentleness. The moment you become deadwood, you're out of there.
This passage points out the importance of remaining true to God's Word by acting in ways that are acceptable to him. If we claim to be Christians, but we act as if we know nothing about God's commands, we'll become deadwood that he'll prune away and throw into the fire.
If we have received the Holy Spirit through belief in Christ and baptism, the Spirit will lead us to want to please God. A person who is walking with God in truth shows by his outward behavior that he belongs to God. People who have not received the Spirit struggle to behave well, because our human nature drives us to sin.
Are you a grafted shoot, firmly rooted in God's ways or deadwood at risk of being burned in the fire?
Our kindness toward our own children must include discipline, too.
As parents, we know that showing our children only kindnesses will inevitably result in kids who are spoiled brats. There is an old saying that good leaders/parents rule with an iron fist in a velvet glove. In other words, we must be firm with our children and discipline them when necessary. But we must also love them and show them kindnesses so that they won't become discouraged by the discipline.
As survivors of abuse, many of us grew up with only harsh discipline or very little of the kindnesses. Don't make the common mistake of going overboard with your children, spoiling them and withholding discipline. Discipline is not the same as abuse, even though it may have felt like that to us when we were small.
Today's Challenge
Consider times when God has disciplined you. What kindnesses did he show you while he was correcting you? How have you been disciplining your own children? If you've been harsh, begin adding in a little kindness along the way. If you've been too lenient, step up the discipline.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Leave an Inheritance of Kindness
We are learning this week about kindness in my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I want to show you how to leave behind an inheritance of kindness for your children.
Buy stock in kindness.
We can read in 2 Samuel 9 about how kindness paid off for a man named Jonathan. He was King David's best friend and he served the king faithfully throughout his life. The two were closer than brothers, and when Jonathan died, David went in search of his children.
In all the land, there was only one son of Jonathan remaining: a man named Mephibosheth who was crippled in both feet. The following verses recount what happened when the two met each other.
When Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David, he bowed down to pay him honor.
David said, "Mephibosheth!"
"Your servant," he replied.
"Don't be afraid," David said to him, "For I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table."
Mephibosheth bowed down and said, "What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?" (2 Samuel 9:6-8 NIV)
Mephibosheth was blown away by the king's kindness. As a cripple, he was considered very unworthy in his day. To receive such a huge honor as eating at the king's table daily was beyond belief.
Imagine how surprised we would be if the President showed up on our doorstep to tell us that we were being given all of the land that the United States acquired during the Louisiana Purchase. We would probably stand there with our mouths hanging open if he told us that we were going to dine at the White House every night for the rest of our lives. Consider how much more shocked we would be if the President told us that we were receiving this gift because our parents had been kind to him.
The point is that when we are kind to others, they will remember our families and their needs after we are gone. What great life insurance!
What kind of legacy are you leaving your children?
Many of us worry about how our children will survive financially after we are dead. But how many of us think about other ways to bless them? If we are kind to others today, it may pay off in huge rewards later for our children, just as it did for Jonathan's son, Mephibosheth. What are you leaving behind?
Today's Challenge
Begin investing in your children's future today. Find ways to be kind to others, and the future returns will be given to your children.
Buy stock in kindness.
We can read in 2 Samuel 9 about how kindness paid off for a man named Jonathan. He was King David's best friend and he served the king faithfully throughout his life. The two were closer than brothers, and when Jonathan died, David went in search of his children.
In all the land, there was only one son of Jonathan remaining: a man named Mephibosheth who was crippled in both feet. The following verses recount what happened when the two met each other.
When Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David, he bowed down to pay him honor.
David said, "Mephibosheth!"
"Your servant," he replied.
"Don't be afraid," David said to him, "For I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table."
Mephibosheth bowed down and said, "What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?" (2 Samuel 9:6-8 NIV)
Mephibosheth was blown away by the king's kindness. As a cripple, he was considered very unworthy in his day. To receive such a huge honor as eating at the king's table daily was beyond belief.
Imagine how surprised we would be if the President showed up on our doorstep to tell us that we were being given all of the land that the United States acquired during the Louisiana Purchase. We would probably stand there with our mouths hanging open if he told us that we were going to dine at the White House every night for the rest of our lives. Consider how much more shocked we would be if the President told us that we were receiving this gift because our parents had been kind to him.
The point is that when we are kind to others, they will remember our families and their needs after we are gone. What great life insurance!
What kind of legacy are you leaving your children?
Many of us worry about how our children will survive financially after we are dead. But how many of us think about other ways to bless them? If we are kind to others today, it may pay off in huge rewards later for our children, just as it did for Jonathan's son, Mephibosheth. What are you leaving behind?
Today's Challenge
Begin investing in your children's future today. Find ways to be kind to others, and the future returns will be given to your children.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Unworthy of Kindness
Thank you for joining me today as we continue with my series, Thriving in God's Garden. I would like to reflect on a passage of Scripture from Genesis 32:10. It is a prayer that was spoken by Jacob, one of ancient Israel's greatest leaders. It reads, I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups.
Jacob had done a lot of things in his lifetime to merit God's wrath. He tricked his own brother out of his inheritance, and he came up with a clever scheme of breeding livestock so that he became wealthier than his father-in-law, who was his business partner.
Jacob certainly didn't deserve God's kindness, but he received it anyway. He wound up with two wives and so many children that they actually made up two large groups of people.
As humans, we often consider what is fair. God, however, sometimes surprises us by blessing people who are unworthy, as Jacob was.
Is someone in your life unworthy of kindness?
As survivors of abuse, we often view our perpetrators as less worthy than anyone else of receiving kindness. We don't think God should give it to them, and we certainly aren't knocking ourselves out to express it to them.
I have been finding it extremely difficult to think of ways to express kindness to my parents right now. They are angry. For months, they have been blaming me for my father's jail sentence after he molested several children in the family. My mother is a powder keg, igniting in anger with little or no provocation toward family members who try to talk to her. I struggle with the mistaken belief that my parents are not worthy of love or kindness.
How do we express kindness to unworthy people?
It is difficult to understand why God made Jacob rich beyond his wildest dreams, considering that he was a con artist and a liar. Nevertheless, God showed him kindness. Why? Because he loved Jacob, just as he loves all of his children.
No one is worthy of God's love and kindness. I certainly am not. I may not be a con artist, a child molester, or convicted criminal, but I sure have acted in ways that have disappointed God over the years. My greatest fault has probably been an inability to forgive swiftly and completely. I'm still working on that.
But when I consider that God is kind to me, even when I don't deserve it, it makes me realize that I ought to be kind to others who don't seem worthy. My mother's brother died this week, and I finally let down my guard long enough to sign a sympathy card and mail it to her. When I considered how sad she must be, I simply couldn't withhold love any longer.
Perhaps the card will spawn more verbal abuse out of my mother. I hope not, but it was a risk I felt that I needed to take. I spend an inordinate amount of time making quilts to comfort families who have lost loved ones. I felt that sending my own mother a card was the least I could do. Perhaps this act of kindness will be received as a peace offering.
Whether we think that a person is worthy of kindness or not, God always believes that they are. He sees the orignal creation, before the world left its mark on the children he designed. Whenever possible, we must find ways to express kindness to all of God's people, because he gives it so freely to us.
Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who seems unworthy of kindness? If it is safe to do so, find a way to express God's love to them. Send a card, carry out a small act of service, or call them to say hello. If you're having trouble accepting the fact that they are worthy, remember that no one is worthy of God's love, but he expresses it through kindnesses anyway.
Jacob had done a lot of things in his lifetime to merit God's wrath. He tricked his own brother out of his inheritance, and he came up with a clever scheme of breeding livestock so that he became wealthier than his father-in-law, who was his business partner.
Jacob certainly didn't deserve God's kindness, but he received it anyway. He wound up with two wives and so many children that they actually made up two large groups of people.
As humans, we often consider what is fair. God, however, sometimes surprises us by blessing people who are unworthy, as Jacob was.
Is someone in your life unworthy of kindness?
As survivors of abuse, we often view our perpetrators as less worthy than anyone else of receiving kindness. We don't think God should give it to them, and we certainly aren't knocking ourselves out to express it to them.
I have been finding it extremely difficult to think of ways to express kindness to my parents right now. They are angry. For months, they have been blaming me for my father's jail sentence after he molested several children in the family. My mother is a powder keg, igniting in anger with little or no provocation toward family members who try to talk to her. I struggle with the mistaken belief that my parents are not worthy of love or kindness.
How do we express kindness to unworthy people?
It is difficult to understand why God made Jacob rich beyond his wildest dreams, considering that he was a con artist and a liar. Nevertheless, God showed him kindness. Why? Because he loved Jacob, just as he loves all of his children.
No one is worthy of God's love and kindness. I certainly am not. I may not be a con artist, a child molester, or convicted criminal, but I sure have acted in ways that have disappointed God over the years. My greatest fault has probably been an inability to forgive swiftly and completely. I'm still working on that.
But when I consider that God is kind to me, even when I don't deserve it, it makes me realize that I ought to be kind to others who don't seem worthy. My mother's brother died this week, and I finally let down my guard long enough to sign a sympathy card and mail it to her. When I considered how sad she must be, I simply couldn't withhold love any longer.
Perhaps the card will spawn more verbal abuse out of my mother. I hope not, but it was a risk I felt that I needed to take. I spend an inordinate amount of time making quilts to comfort families who have lost loved ones. I felt that sending my own mother a card was the least I could do. Perhaps this act of kindness will be received as a peace offering.
Whether we think that a person is worthy of kindness or not, God always believes that they are. He sees the orignal creation, before the world left its mark on the children he designed. Whenever possible, we must find ways to express kindness to all of God's people, because he gives it so freely to us.
Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who seems unworthy of kindness? If it is safe to do so, find a way to express God's love to them. Send a card, carry out a small act of service, or call them to say hello. If you're having trouble accepting the fact that they are worthy, remember that no one is worthy of God's love, but he expresses it through kindnesses anyway.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Our Kindness Attracts Kind People
Thank you for joining me for my series, Thriving in God's Garden. This week, we are learning about kindness, which is listed as one of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22.
God always cares for us.
There are times in our lives when we may feel that God doesn't care about us. We may even think of him as a bully with a magnifying glass, frying us under the heat of a scorching sun, as if we were helpless ants.
I know that I have felt that way about God in the past, and I'm certain that many other survivors of abuse and trauma probably experience similar feelings from time to time. But God never forgets us or hurts us, and he often looks for ways to express his kindness through others.
God writes great romances.
The Bible tells the story of Ruth, a very young widow who left her country to travel home with her mother-in-law, Naomi. Ruth stood by Naomi, even when they were starving. When Naomi urged Ruth to go back home to her own family, Ruth refused. She promised to go with Naomi and live with her wherever she chose.
What is really remarkable about the story of Ruth is that God provided her with a kinsman-redeemer: a near relative who was supposed to marry her if her husband died and left her childless. When she found herself in the field of that kinsman-redeemer, whose name was Boaz, we read about Naomi's reaction.
"The Lord bless him!" Naomi said to her daughter-in-law. "He has not stoppd showing his kindness to the living and the dead." (Ruth 2:20 NIV) Naomi meant that Boaz showed kindness to her dead husband by marrying Ruth so that the family name would be carried on. In addition, Boaz's marriage to Ruth saved her, as well as Naomi, from starvation.
I love this story, because Ruth winds up with her hero, Boaz. Ruth wins his love because he admires her faithful kindness toward her mother-in-law.
Like Ruth, we can attract kind people.
As survivors of abuse, we long for others to be kind to us. If we want to experience wonderful outcomes as Ruth did, we must learn to be kind to others...even when it isn't exactly easy.
We don't have to leave our country or face starvation to find ways to be kind. Kindness can be found in gentle words spoken to a child or a pet; in conscious acts of service for others in need; in helping others to overcome a hardship or a loss; in comforting people who have experienced loss; and in many other ways.
The most important thing to remember is that like attracts like. If we are kind to others, they will most likely follow our lead and return our kindnesses. Perhaps our behavior will encouarge them to be kind to others, too.
Today's Challenge
Take a moment today to show kindness to someone in need of it. Whatever you choose to do, carry it out with a smile. It doubles your reward when the recipient smiles back at you.
God always cares for us.
There are times in our lives when we may feel that God doesn't care about us. We may even think of him as a bully with a magnifying glass, frying us under the heat of a scorching sun, as if we were helpless ants.
I know that I have felt that way about God in the past, and I'm certain that many other survivors of abuse and trauma probably experience similar feelings from time to time. But God never forgets us or hurts us, and he often looks for ways to express his kindness through others.
God writes great romances.
The Bible tells the story of Ruth, a very young widow who left her country to travel home with her mother-in-law, Naomi. Ruth stood by Naomi, even when they were starving. When Naomi urged Ruth to go back home to her own family, Ruth refused. She promised to go with Naomi and live with her wherever she chose.
What is really remarkable about the story of Ruth is that God provided her with a kinsman-redeemer: a near relative who was supposed to marry her if her husband died and left her childless. When she found herself in the field of that kinsman-redeemer, whose name was Boaz, we read about Naomi's reaction.
"The Lord bless him!" Naomi said to her daughter-in-law. "He has not stoppd showing his kindness to the living and the dead." (Ruth 2:20 NIV) Naomi meant that Boaz showed kindness to her dead husband by marrying Ruth so that the family name would be carried on. In addition, Boaz's marriage to Ruth saved her, as well as Naomi, from starvation.
I love this story, because Ruth winds up with her hero, Boaz. Ruth wins his love because he admires her faithful kindness toward her mother-in-law.
Like Ruth, we can attract kind people.
As survivors of abuse, we long for others to be kind to us. If we want to experience wonderful outcomes as Ruth did, we must learn to be kind to others...even when it isn't exactly easy.
We don't have to leave our country or face starvation to find ways to be kind. Kindness can be found in gentle words spoken to a child or a pet; in conscious acts of service for others in need; in helping others to overcome a hardship or a loss; in comforting people who have experienced loss; and in many other ways.
The most important thing to remember is that like attracts like. If we are kind to others, they will most likely follow our lead and return our kindnesses. Perhaps our behavior will encouarge them to be kind to others, too.
Today's Challenge
Take a moment today to show kindness to someone in need of it. Whatever you choose to do, carry it out with a smile. It doubles your reward when the recipient smiles back at you.
Monday, April 25, 2011
The Lord is Kind to Us
We continue with our series, Thriving in God's Garden, with a look this week into kindness. Today, I'd like to focus on God's kindness toward us.
Because God loves us, he is kind to us.
In order to learn how to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit--love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control--we must first look to God, who models these attributes for us.
Isaiah 63:7 (NIV) reads, I will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord, the deeds for which he is to be praised, according to all the Lord has done for us... If someone were to ask us if God has been kind to us, how might we answer?
Victims often fail to see God's kindnesses.
Sometimes, victims of abuse and trauma develop a very negative attitude toward God. They become angry with him and claim that he doesn't care what happens to anyone. While bad things may happen, it is because we live in a fallen world, filled with sinners. It is not because God doesn't care.
When we are sad, God understands. Just because our circumstances may make us feel as if no one cares, God always does. He never, ever stops loving us.
I am blessed by God's kindness.
God has been unbelievably kind to me all my life. Even though I suffered childhood sexual abuse, marital abuse, and many illnesses and injuries, God has showered me with kindness.
Although I was born into a very dysfunctional, abusive family, God did not overlook my need for loving and nurturing. He provided it in the form of wonderful neighbors who took me in as if I were one of their own.
One of my sister's friends took me to church when I was five years old, and a nursery volunteer there told me about Jesus. They planted seeds that grew into belief, which led me to surrender my life to Christ. Today, God does not see my sins when he looks at me, because they are hidden by Christ's blood.
When I was diagnosed with stage four cancer, God was unbelievably kind. I begged him for more time to raise my children, and he pulled off a miracle. I was healed of the cancer that was supposed to kill me within months..19 years ago.
When my first marriage fell apart, God remembered me again. He sent Joe Denton into my life to teach me what it really means to have a relationship with Christ, not just a religion. With Joe, I have safety and peace as I have never before experienced at home.
My life has been touched by countless people who have loved me when I have not always been easy to love. Friends have stood by me through MS exacerbations, surgeries, and auto accidents. All of these people, I am certain, were sent to me by God. They are his expression of kindness.
Has God been kind to you?
It's hard to think about God's kindesses toward us if we are unaware of them. When we realize his many acts of loving kindness, it's impossible not to praise him as Isaiah did in the above Bible passage. How has he blessed you?
Today's Challenge
Write down the many ways that God has blessed you, even at times when you were suffering. Find a way to thank him through prayer, song, or sharing your story with someone else.
Because God loves us, he is kind to us.
In order to learn how to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit--love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control--we must first look to God, who models these attributes for us.
Isaiah 63:7 (NIV) reads, I will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord, the deeds for which he is to be praised, according to all the Lord has done for us... If someone were to ask us if God has been kind to us, how might we answer?
Victims often fail to see God's kindnesses.
Sometimes, victims of abuse and trauma develop a very negative attitude toward God. They become angry with him and claim that he doesn't care what happens to anyone. While bad things may happen, it is because we live in a fallen world, filled with sinners. It is not because God doesn't care.
When we are sad, God understands. Just because our circumstances may make us feel as if no one cares, God always does. He never, ever stops loving us.
I am blessed by God's kindness.
God has been unbelievably kind to me all my life. Even though I suffered childhood sexual abuse, marital abuse, and many illnesses and injuries, God has showered me with kindness.
Although I was born into a very dysfunctional, abusive family, God did not overlook my need for loving and nurturing. He provided it in the form of wonderful neighbors who took me in as if I were one of their own.
One of my sister's friends took me to church when I was five years old, and a nursery volunteer there told me about Jesus. They planted seeds that grew into belief, which led me to surrender my life to Christ. Today, God does not see my sins when he looks at me, because they are hidden by Christ's blood.
When I was diagnosed with stage four cancer, God was unbelievably kind. I begged him for more time to raise my children, and he pulled off a miracle. I was healed of the cancer that was supposed to kill me within months..19 years ago.
When my first marriage fell apart, God remembered me again. He sent Joe Denton into my life to teach me what it really means to have a relationship with Christ, not just a religion. With Joe, I have safety and peace as I have never before experienced at home.
My life has been touched by countless people who have loved me when I have not always been easy to love. Friends have stood by me through MS exacerbations, surgeries, and auto accidents. All of these people, I am certain, were sent to me by God. They are his expression of kindness.
Has God been kind to you?
It's hard to think about God's kindesses toward us if we are unaware of them. When we realize his many acts of loving kindness, it's impossible not to praise him as Isaiah did in the above Bible passage. How has he blessed you?
Today's Challenge
Write down the many ways that God has blessed you, even at times when you were suffering. Find a way to thank him through prayer, song, or sharing your story with someone else.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Be Patient With the Weak
We conclude this week's discussion about patience in my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Next week, we will learn how to develop greater kindness for others as we study Galatians 5:22, known as the fruit of the Spirit. Learning to bear spiritual fruit helps us to thrive in a life that began with abuse.
Be patient with others who are weak.
If someone hands us a screaming infant, most of us have the patience to soothe the child to the best of our ability. Perhaps we check its diaper, try feeding it, burping it, cuddling it, or rocking it. Very few people would simply walk away from a tearful infant, because they know that such little beings are completely helpless and dependent on others for their care.
First Thessalonians 5:14 (NIV) reminds us of how important patience is. It reads, And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
It's not always easy to be patient with everyone.
Today, I sat through an 8-hour seminar with a woman who was heckling the speaker throughout the day. I kept thinking that if I were up front, I'd ask someone to escort the heckler from the room. In spite of the repeated taunts, the speaker gracefully asked the woman to be patient and wait until later in the day for the information she was seeking.
I talked to the presenter afterward and commended her for her patience. She smiled and said it wasn't easy to keep her cool. But she had reminded herself that it was Good Friday, and she wanted to remain spiritual about the whole situation.
She put herself into the heckler's shoes and tried to see things from her vantage point. Perhaps the heckler was anxious about something and couldn't hear a word that was being said without her fears first being addressed.
The speaker's response to this annoying seminar attendee was a beautiful portrayal of how we need to be patient with people who are difficult. Remembering that God's Word calls us to be patient with everyone, not just helpless infants, can help us in tough situations.
Not all adults are grown-ups.
Some adults may look grown-up, but many are still emotional or spiritual infants in aging bodies. We must do our best to model our behavior after the seminar speaker who saw the heckler as one might view a child demanding candy. Who knows? Maybe our patience with old infants may provide a way for them to learn how to be patient, too.
Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who drives you nuts? Do they challenge your patience? Try to see beyond the adult form and think about what the child within is looking for from you. Perhaps it will lead you to respond with greater patience.
Be patient with others who are weak.
If someone hands us a screaming infant, most of us have the patience to soothe the child to the best of our ability. Perhaps we check its diaper, try feeding it, burping it, cuddling it, or rocking it. Very few people would simply walk away from a tearful infant, because they know that such little beings are completely helpless and dependent on others for their care.
First Thessalonians 5:14 (NIV) reminds us of how important patience is. It reads, And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
It's not always easy to be patient with everyone.
Today, I sat through an 8-hour seminar with a woman who was heckling the speaker throughout the day. I kept thinking that if I were up front, I'd ask someone to escort the heckler from the room. In spite of the repeated taunts, the speaker gracefully asked the woman to be patient and wait until later in the day for the information she was seeking.
I talked to the presenter afterward and commended her for her patience. She smiled and said it wasn't easy to keep her cool. But she had reminded herself that it was Good Friday, and she wanted to remain spiritual about the whole situation.
She put herself into the heckler's shoes and tried to see things from her vantage point. Perhaps the heckler was anxious about something and couldn't hear a word that was being said without her fears first being addressed.
The speaker's response to this annoying seminar attendee was a beautiful portrayal of how we need to be patient with people who are difficult. Remembering that God's Word calls us to be patient with everyone, not just helpless infants, can help us in tough situations.
Not all adults are grown-ups.
Some adults may look grown-up, but many are still emotional or spiritual infants in aging bodies. We must do our best to model our behavior after the seminar speaker who saw the heckler as one might view a child demanding candy. Who knows? Maybe our patience with old infants may provide a way for them to learn how to be patient, too.
Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who drives you nuts? Do they challenge your patience? Try to see beyond the adult form and think about what the child within is looking for from you. Perhaps it will lead you to respond with greater patience.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Develop Patient Endurance
This week, we are learning about patience in my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I would like to discuss how we can develop patience endurance when people challenge our beliefs.
We can expect challenges.
Some people believe that when they become Christians, God will take away all of their hardships. This is not true, and in fact, God may allow us to endure even greater challenges to help us grow in our faith.
Second Corinthians 1:6 (NIV) reads, This calls for patient endurance on the part of the people of God who keep his commands and remain faithful to Jesus. What calls for patient endurance? The persecution that we will inevitably face as a result of our belief in God.
We don't have to live in a country where Christianity is forbidden to experience persecution. All we have to do is put our faith into action here in the United States to find ourselves on the receiving end of judgment from our family members, co-workers, and neighbors.
Take a stand on issues such as abortion, same-sex marriage, and other controversial topics; and I can guarantee that someone will call you narrow-minded, ridiculously conservative, or politically incorrect.
How do we develop patient endurance?
All we have to do is look back at the Bible passage above for the answer to this question. Patient endurance develops when we keep God's commands and remain faithful to Jesus.
So if someone asks us to take a stand on a politically-charged question, we simply look into God's Word to see how we should respond. We make up our minds to do what Jesus would in a similar situation. Then, we stick to our guns, even if it makes us unpopular.
We took a stand.
The Bible tells us, We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. (2 Corinthians 6:3 NIV) This passage means that if we live an exemplary life, no one can discredit our faith or our God. This takes tremendous patience and endurance.
To illustrate this concept, Joe and I made a decision when we went into the ministry that we would not drink alcohol. We didn't ever want someone to see us in a restaurant having a glass of wine and judging us. At the same time, we didn't want to drink and encourage others to do the same who might have a problem with excessive alcohol consumption.
This decision has not always made us very popular with family members or friends. At times, it has been downright awkward. But while we were patiently enduring the few snide remarks we have received, we gained far more supportive words of encouragement from people who were like-minded.
So, take a stand on what you believe in. Then patiently endure whatever trials result. Even when it's tough to stick it out, hang in there. The blessings are well worth any temporary trials that we might endure.
Today's Challenge
Have you taken a stand on an issue that has made you unpopular? As abuse survivors, this can be really difficult, because we are frequently meek people pleasers who will do anything to keep the peace. With the help of God's Word, take a stand on something today. Then develop patient endurance by following God's commands and keeping your eyes on Jesus.
We can expect challenges.
Some people believe that when they become Christians, God will take away all of their hardships. This is not true, and in fact, God may allow us to endure even greater challenges to help us grow in our faith.
Second Corinthians 1:6 (NIV) reads, This calls for patient endurance on the part of the people of God who keep his commands and remain faithful to Jesus. What calls for patient endurance? The persecution that we will inevitably face as a result of our belief in God.
We don't have to live in a country where Christianity is forbidden to experience persecution. All we have to do is put our faith into action here in the United States to find ourselves on the receiving end of judgment from our family members, co-workers, and neighbors.
Take a stand on issues such as abortion, same-sex marriage, and other controversial topics; and I can guarantee that someone will call you narrow-minded, ridiculously conservative, or politically incorrect.
How do we develop patient endurance?
All we have to do is look back at the Bible passage above for the answer to this question. Patient endurance develops when we keep God's commands and remain faithful to Jesus.
So if someone asks us to take a stand on a politically-charged question, we simply look into God's Word to see how we should respond. We make up our minds to do what Jesus would in a similar situation. Then, we stick to our guns, even if it makes us unpopular.
We took a stand.
The Bible tells us, We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. (2 Corinthians 6:3 NIV) This passage means that if we live an exemplary life, no one can discredit our faith or our God. This takes tremendous patience and endurance.
To illustrate this concept, Joe and I made a decision when we went into the ministry that we would not drink alcohol. We didn't ever want someone to see us in a restaurant having a glass of wine and judging us. At the same time, we didn't want to drink and encourage others to do the same who might have a problem with excessive alcohol consumption.
This decision has not always made us very popular with family members or friends. At times, it has been downright awkward. But while we were patiently enduring the few snide remarks we have received, we gained far more supportive words of encouragement from people who were like-minded.
So, take a stand on what you believe in. Then patiently endure whatever trials result. Even when it's tough to stick it out, hang in there. The blessings are well worth any temporary trials that we might endure.
Today's Challenge
Have you taken a stand on an issue that has made you unpopular? As abuse survivors, this can be really difficult, because we are frequently meek people pleasers who will do anything to keep the peace. With the help of God's Word, take a stand on something today. Then develop patient endurance by following God's commands and keeping your eyes on Jesus.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Developing Patience in Affliction
We are learning about patience this week as we continue with my series, Thriving in God's Garden. This study is based on Galatians 5:22, known as the fruit of the Spirit.
Be patient in affliction.
The apostle Paul wrote in Romans 12:12 (NIV), Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. We've already learned how to increase our joy, and we're going to look at faithfulness in a few weeks. For today, I'd like to focus on being patient during times of affliction.
As survivors of abuse or trauma, most of us have a pretty good idea what it means to be afflicted. Abuse and trauma leave us with anger, fear, lack of trust, poor self-esteem, guilt, thoughts of revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. So how are we supposed to be patient while dealing with these problems?
Affliction can help us to develop patience.
Several years ago, I suffered from an illness that caused complete paralysis of my left arm and leg. My arm began functioning again relatively quickly, but my leg took months.
Paralysis meant that I spent months on end, lying in bed at home by myself while Joe and the kids went off during the day to work and school. Staring at my bedroom walls nearly drove me insane. I finally discovered two things that helped.
First, God's Word helped me to focus on his promises for my future. Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) was especially helpful: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I put all of my hope in this promise for a better future.
Second, creating a new purpose for myself made a big difference. I got a laptop and began writing short stories just to entertain myself.
One Sunday morning, a man I had never met approached me in my wheelchair to ask if he could pray for me. While he was wheeling me out of church after services to help me get in my car, he asked how I spent my time. When I told him I was a writer, he offered me a job on the spot as an editor for one of the medical journals that he published.
Don't dwell on the pain.
No matter what type of afflicton we are dealing with, we must trust that God has a better future for us. If we are patient and look to him for guidance, he will line up the right people at the right time so that doors open for us unexpectedly.
So, be patient if you're suffering through a hard time right now. God knows what plans he has for you. Read his promises and find something to occupy your mind until he brings about a change for the better.
Today's Challenge
If you're stuck in a difficult situation, find something productive to do that will take your mind off the pain. Follow your heart's desire in choosing a new activity, and God will do something good with it.
Be patient in affliction.
The apostle Paul wrote in Romans 12:12 (NIV), Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. We've already learned how to increase our joy, and we're going to look at faithfulness in a few weeks. For today, I'd like to focus on being patient during times of affliction.
As survivors of abuse or trauma, most of us have a pretty good idea what it means to be afflicted. Abuse and trauma leave us with anger, fear, lack of trust, poor self-esteem, guilt, thoughts of revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. So how are we supposed to be patient while dealing with these problems?
Affliction can help us to develop patience.
Several years ago, I suffered from an illness that caused complete paralysis of my left arm and leg. My arm began functioning again relatively quickly, but my leg took months.
Paralysis meant that I spent months on end, lying in bed at home by myself while Joe and the kids went off during the day to work and school. Staring at my bedroom walls nearly drove me insane. I finally discovered two things that helped.
First, God's Word helped me to focus on his promises for my future. Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) was especially helpful: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I put all of my hope in this promise for a better future.
Second, creating a new purpose for myself made a big difference. I got a laptop and began writing short stories just to entertain myself.
One Sunday morning, a man I had never met approached me in my wheelchair to ask if he could pray for me. While he was wheeling me out of church after services to help me get in my car, he asked how I spent my time. When I told him I was a writer, he offered me a job on the spot as an editor for one of the medical journals that he published.
Don't dwell on the pain.
No matter what type of afflicton we are dealing with, we must trust that God has a better future for us. If we are patient and look to him for guidance, he will line up the right people at the right time so that doors open for us unexpectedly.
So, be patient if you're suffering through a hard time right now. God knows what plans he has for you. Read his promises and find something to occupy your mind until he brings about a change for the better.
Today's Challenge
If you're stuck in a difficult situation, find something productive to do that will take your mind off the pain. Follow your heart's desire in choosing a new activity, and God will do something good with it.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Patience Can Calm a Quarrel
We continue today with our discussion about patience as part of my series, Thriving in God's Garden We are learning to apply the fruit of the Spirit to our lives, as found in Galatians 5:22.
What are you bickering about?
Proverbs 15:18 (NIV) tells us, A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
We learned last week that a great deal of conflict stems from relationships with people who don't know God. What are you bickering about with them? Finances? The sharing of household duties? The way you spend your free time? Issues with child rearing? Something else?
We all have disagreements with others that try our patience. But if we can maintain our composure and take the time we need to avoid quarreling, we grow stronger and more confident. Exercising patience develops our ability to exhibit greater self-control.
Close your mouth and listen.
Often, an argument could be avoided if we simply took more time to listen. We get into shouting matches with people, because we want them to hear our point of view. We forget that theirs may be just as important.
So, if we find ourselves disagreeing loudly with someone, we need to zip our lips and try to use some patience. We should listen carefully to what is being said. Looking for underlying messages that the person may be having trouble expressing can be helpful.
Abusers talk in circles.
We discovered yesterday that wisdom helps us to be patient with others. Arguments with abusers may require more than patience. Knowing that abusive people tend to talk in circles can help us to reduce the number of arguments we have with them.
Circular arguing starts out with a disagreement about an issue, turns the blame on us, and then demands an apology for something we haven't done. For example, a husband may blame his wife for spoiling their evening together, even though she did her best to prepare dinner on time and put the children to bed on schedule.
In reality, the husband may have spoiled their time together with critical comments directed at his wife, impatience with the children, and unrealistic demands. When the wife tries to point out the obvious, he brings up numerous past incidents to make her feel guilty. When he demands an apology from her, her temper flares. She knows that most of the trouble is not her fault, but he's like a rabid dog that won't let her loose.
It is not easy to be patient with verbal abusers, because we know deep down that they're wrong when they blame us for things they have done. There is no winning an argument with them. So, instead of shouting louder or trying to use better logic on them, we must just end the conversation. We can quit talking or walk away.
Practice deflecting verbal abuse.
I learned a very helpful technique in deflecting the hurtful words of abusive people. Our body language can send a powerful message to them, which they pick up on much more quickly than words.
We can cross our arms, cross our legs, and look to the side. Most importantly, we must stop responding. These gestures work wonders to throw an abuser off balance. Within minutes, his blustering ends, and he walks away in frustration. Refusing to engage in quarreling with an abuser is an excellent way to develop patience. It also helps us move closer to recovery.
Today's Challenge
Practice deflecting an argument with an abusive person today. Try the body language suggested above and see what happens. Then, try to encourage conversation with someone else who is healthier by looking into their eyes, setting aside other tasks, and paraphrasing what they have said. This type of response to them helps us to develop patience and understanding.
What are you bickering about?
Proverbs 15:18 (NIV) tells us, A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
We learned last week that a great deal of conflict stems from relationships with people who don't know God. What are you bickering about with them? Finances? The sharing of household duties? The way you spend your free time? Issues with child rearing? Something else?
We all have disagreements with others that try our patience. But if we can maintain our composure and take the time we need to avoid quarreling, we grow stronger and more confident. Exercising patience develops our ability to exhibit greater self-control.
Close your mouth and listen.
Often, an argument could be avoided if we simply took more time to listen. We get into shouting matches with people, because we want them to hear our point of view. We forget that theirs may be just as important.
So, if we find ourselves disagreeing loudly with someone, we need to zip our lips and try to use some patience. We should listen carefully to what is being said. Looking for underlying messages that the person may be having trouble expressing can be helpful.
Abusers talk in circles.
We discovered yesterday that wisdom helps us to be patient with others. Arguments with abusers may require more than patience. Knowing that abusive people tend to talk in circles can help us to reduce the number of arguments we have with them.
Circular arguing starts out with a disagreement about an issue, turns the blame on us, and then demands an apology for something we haven't done. For example, a husband may blame his wife for spoiling their evening together, even though she did her best to prepare dinner on time and put the children to bed on schedule.
In reality, the husband may have spoiled their time together with critical comments directed at his wife, impatience with the children, and unrealistic demands. When the wife tries to point out the obvious, he brings up numerous past incidents to make her feel guilty. When he demands an apology from her, her temper flares. She knows that most of the trouble is not her fault, but he's like a rabid dog that won't let her loose.
It is not easy to be patient with verbal abusers, because we know deep down that they're wrong when they blame us for things they have done. There is no winning an argument with them. So, instead of shouting louder or trying to use better logic on them, we must just end the conversation. We can quit talking or walk away.
Practice deflecting verbal abuse.
I learned a very helpful technique in deflecting the hurtful words of abusive people. Our body language can send a powerful message to them, which they pick up on much more quickly than words.
We can cross our arms, cross our legs, and look to the side. Most importantly, we must stop responding. These gestures work wonders to throw an abuser off balance. Within minutes, his blustering ends, and he walks away in frustration. Refusing to engage in quarreling with an abuser is an excellent way to develop patience. It also helps us move closer to recovery.
Today's Challenge
Practice deflecting an argument with an abusive person today. Try the body language suggested above and see what happens. Then, try to encourage conversation with someone else who is healthier by looking into their eyes, setting aside other tasks, and paraphrasing what they have said. This type of response to them helps us to develop patience and understanding.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Patience Grows with Wisdom
We begin week four of our nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden. This study is based on Galatians 5:22, which is commonly known as the fruit of the Spirit. Today, I would like to look at how wisdom affects our ability to develop patience.
Got wisdom?
When we develop wisdom and the maturity to use it to deal with life's challenges, we also develop patience. Proverbs 29:11 (NIV) tells us, A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays his folly.
Allow me to illustrate what this passage of Scripture means. We have a new puppy in our house, a toy poodle named Zibby. I have never owned a toy breed before, so I spent her first weeks reading everything I could find.
I discovered that while most dogs can be housebroken and left for a number of hours at home alone without accidents, toy dogs cannot. Their bladders are about the size of a kidney bean, and they rarely acquire the ability to wait for hours on end to go potty.
If I didn't learn this about my dog, I might have expectations for her housebreaking that would be unfair to her. But, since I have gained understanding about her, I am more patient with her. I don't yell at her if she has an accident, and I don't leave her alone for more than a few hours.
Strive for understanding in your relationships.
Proverbs 19:11 (NIV) reads, A man's wisdom gives him patience. In other words, we must apply ourselves to learning more if we want to become more patient people.
Just as I learned about my dog's development, we can all learn a little something about the people who live with us or in our neighborhoods. Studying child development may help us to understand our children's limitations or the phases our teens are struggling to overcome.
Reading or attending seminars about marriage can be very helpful in developing patience with our spouses. Every spouse has strengths and weaknesses, and we can learn to be more patient with them if we understand what their limitations are.
We may grow in wisdom and patience if we study a little bit about our neighbors who come from cultures which are different from our own. I have learned a great deal by reading about and meeting people from other countries. Taking the time to listen to them, in spite of the language barriers that we face, has helped me to understand them and patiently wait for them to express themselves.
Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who needs your understanding today? A child? A teen? A spouse? A neighbor? A coworker? Take some time to gain some wisdom about them, and watch your patience grow.
Got wisdom?
When we develop wisdom and the maturity to use it to deal with life's challenges, we also develop patience. Proverbs 29:11 (NIV) tells us, A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays his folly.
Allow me to illustrate what this passage of Scripture means. We have a new puppy in our house, a toy poodle named Zibby. I have never owned a toy breed before, so I spent her first weeks reading everything I could find.
I discovered that while most dogs can be housebroken and left for a number of hours at home alone without accidents, toy dogs cannot. Their bladders are about the size of a kidney bean, and they rarely acquire the ability to wait for hours on end to go potty.
If I didn't learn this about my dog, I might have expectations for her housebreaking that would be unfair to her. But, since I have gained understanding about her, I am more patient with her. I don't yell at her if she has an accident, and I don't leave her alone for more than a few hours.
Strive for understanding in your relationships.
Proverbs 19:11 (NIV) reads, A man's wisdom gives him patience. In other words, we must apply ourselves to learning more if we want to become more patient people.
Just as I learned about my dog's development, we can all learn a little something about the people who live with us or in our neighborhoods. Studying child development may help us to understand our children's limitations or the phases our teens are struggling to overcome.
Reading or attending seminars about marriage can be very helpful in developing patience with our spouses. Every spouse has strengths and weaknesses, and we can learn to be more patient with them if we understand what their limitations are.
We may grow in wisdom and patience if we study a little bit about our neighbors who come from cultures which are different from our own. I have learned a great deal by reading about and meeting people from other countries. Taking the time to listen to them, in spite of the language barriers that we face, has helped me to understand them and patiently wait for them to express themselves.
Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who needs your understanding today? A child? A teen? A spouse? A neighbor? A coworker? Take some time to gain some wisdom about them, and watch your patience grow.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Are You a Peacekeeper or a Peacemaker?
We conclude this week's thoughts about peace with a question about whether we are peacekeepers or peacemakers. This marks week three in my nine-week series titled, Thriving in God's Garden.
Are you a peacekeeper or a peacemaker?
When I pose this question to people, they must stop and think what it means to be a peacekeeper versus a peacemaker. In my mind, a peacekeeper is a person who hates conflict and will do anything to avoid it. A peacemaker, on the other hand, is a person who is not afraid of conflict and is willing to butt heads with others to create positive change.
Most victims of childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence fall into the category of peacekeepers. They walk on eggshells or make themselves as close to invisible as they can in order to avoid further abuse.
I used to be a peacekeeper.
When I was younger, I was a peacekeeper. During my first marriage, I did everything in my power to make sure that I didn't anger my husband. If he insisted on his dinner being scalding hot at 5:15, I made sure it was on the table the instant he walked through the door. When he said that he never wanted to see any evidence that children lived in the house, I made sure that all of the toys and the kids were tucked away in the bedrooms before he came home.
As you can imagine, this did not create for a peaceful existence for me or for my children. As the kids grew older, they became expert peacekeepers, too. All of them headed straight for their bedrooms the minute they got off the school bus. Dinner was eaten in silence, and the kids disappeared again the instant they finished eating.
Today, I am a peacemaker.
My first glimpse of how different life could be if I gave up peacekeeping came about two weeks after I left my first husband. I was preparing dinner for the kids, and they all bounded into the eat-in area. While I was putting food on the table, I realized that they were all talking. It wasn't until they burst into peals of laughter for the first time in years that I saw clearly how much my peacekeeping efforts had been stifling their spirits.
I decided then that I would never walk on eggshells again, and I would teach my children to speak out against anything that they felt was immoral or unfair. Through many years of counseling, I learned how to role-play conversations with people who needed to be confronted. Eventually, I learned how to become a peacemaker. You can, too.
Peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground.
Someone once told me that abusers are just like cut-out paper tigers on a stage, with dry ice creating a smoke screen around them. If you blow on them, they fall over, and the fake smoke disappears.
It wasn't easy, but I eventually learned that peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground. Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) tells us, Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor. So, if someone does something wrong, the Bible tells us that we must tell them truthfully that what they did was wrong and that it hurt us.
Peacemaking initially results in greater conflict.
It is important to realize that peacemaking doesn't always create immediate peace between people. In fact, it may drive some people apart...which is sometimes better, anyway. When we speak the truth in love, we usually discover inner peace, even while we create external conflict with the people who have hurt us.
When we stand up for ourselves, we must accept that it is going to create conflict. But if we stick to our resolve that we will not allow others to abuse us, we soon learn that the bullies of this world move on to pick on weaker people. Yes, there will be conflict when we confront bullies, but eventually, they will take it with them when they leave us alone.
Stop lying to yourself and others.
Peacekeepers spend a lot of time lying about their feelings. They tell themselves that others haven't hurt them, even though they struggle with repressed anger and resentment. If internalized, anger and the words we would like to say can lead to very poor health and depression.
When abusive people hurt us, we may lie to them or to others about the abuse. We may cover up bruises, tell tales about how happy we are, or become perfectionists to cover up our pain. Whether our lies are verbal or something inherent in our actions, we must stop. If we truly want to live peaceful lives, we must speak out when things are amiss.
The fruit of the Spirit
This week, we've learned the importance of removing ourselves from conflicted relationships, trusting in God as our source of peace, leading simple and quiet lives to promote inner peace, and speaking the truth in love. Next week, we will look at ways to develop patience. Remember that this series is based on the fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. Have you memorized it yet?
Today's Challenge
Take some time today to consider whether you are a peacekeeper or a peacemaker. If you are prone to peacekeeping, find someone to help you learn how to stand up for yourself. Practice ways of speaking the truth in love when people hurt you.
Are you a peacekeeper or a peacemaker?
When I pose this question to people, they must stop and think what it means to be a peacekeeper versus a peacemaker. In my mind, a peacekeeper is a person who hates conflict and will do anything to avoid it. A peacemaker, on the other hand, is a person who is not afraid of conflict and is willing to butt heads with others to create positive change.
Most victims of childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence fall into the category of peacekeepers. They walk on eggshells or make themselves as close to invisible as they can in order to avoid further abuse.
I used to be a peacekeeper.
When I was younger, I was a peacekeeper. During my first marriage, I did everything in my power to make sure that I didn't anger my husband. If he insisted on his dinner being scalding hot at 5:15, I made sure it was on the table the instant he walked through the door. When he said that he never wanted to see any evidence that children lived in the house, I made sure that all of the toys and the kids were tucked away in the bedrooms before he came home.
As you can imagine, this did not create for a peaceful existence for me or for my children. As the kids grew older, they became expert peacekeepers, too. All of them headed straight for their bedrooms the minute they got off the school bus. Dinner was eaten in silence, and the kids disappeared again the instant they finished eating.
Today, I am a peacemaker.
My first glimpse of how different life could be if I gave up peacekeeping came about two weeks after I left my first husband. I was preparing dinner for the kids, and they all bounded into the eat-in area. While I was putting food on the table, I realized that they were all talking. It wasn't until they burst into peals of laughter for the first time in years that I saw clearly how much my peacekeeping efforts had been stifling their spirits.
I decided then that I would never walk on eggshells again, and I would teach my children to speak out against anything that they felt was immoral or unfair. Through many years of counseling, I learned how to role-play conversations with people who needed to be confronted. Eventually, I learned how to become a peacemaker. You can, too.
Peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground.
Someone once told me that abusers are just like cut-out paper tigers on a stage, with dry ice creating a smoke screen around them. If you blow on them, they fall over, and the fake smoke disappears.
It wasn't easy, but I eventually learned that peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground. Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) tells us, Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor. So, if someone does something wrong, the Bible tells us that we must tell them truthfully that what they did was wrong and that it hurt us.
Peacemaking initially results in greater conflict.
It is important to realize that peacemaking doesn't always create immediate peace between people. In fact, it may drive some people apart...which is sometimes better, anyway. When we speak the truth in love, we usually discover inner peace, even while we create external conflict with the people who have hurt us.
When we stand up for ourselves, we must accept that it is going to create conflict. But if we stick to our resolve that we will not allow others to abuse us, we soon learn that the bullies of this world move on to pick on weaker people. Yes, there will be conflict when we confront bullies, but eventually, they will take it with them when they leave us alone.
Stop lying to yourself and others.
Peacekeepers spend a lot of time lying about their feelings. They tell themselves that others haven't hurt them, even though they struggle with repressed anger and resentment. If internalized, anger and the words we would like to say can lead to very poor health and depression.
When abusive people hurt us, we may lie to them or to others about the abuse. We may cover up bruises, tell tales about how happy we are, or become perfectionists to cover up our pain. Whether our lies are verbal or something inherent in our actions, we must stop. If we truly want to live peaceful lives, we must speak out when things are amiss.
The fruit of the Spirit
This week, we've learned the importance of removing ourselves from conflicted relationships, trusting in God as our source of peace, leading simple and quiet lives to promote inner peace, and speaking the truth in love. Next week, we will look at ways to develop patience. Remember that this series is based on the fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. Have you memorized it yet?
Today's Challenge
Take some time today to consider whether you are a peacekeeper or a peacemaker. If you are prone to peacekeeping, find someone to help you learn how to stand up for yourself. Practice ways of speaking the truth in love when people hurt you.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Peace is Quiet
This week, we're learning about ways to achieve peace as we continue with our series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I'd like to address the issue of noise so that we can think about how it affects our inner peace.
How much noise do you hear each day?
We frequently complain about a lack of inner peace, but how often do we consider the lack of peace around us? Everywhere we go, there is noise. We can't go into a restaurant anymore without a TV blaring overhead. Stores feel that music playing overhead is necessary to make us comfortable as we shop.
Cell phones ring constantly, interrupting our thoughts and conversations. The people around us talk incessantly, filling the air with mindless gossip and idle chatter.
The noise of living in large cities adds to the volume: school buses, cars, motorcycles, and trucks create background din that we don't even pay attention to after a while. Even while we sleep, the distant whir of traffic never ends.
Be still.
All of this hub-bub robs us of our inner peace. The sad part is that most people don't even realize that noise is an issue.
Psalm 46:10 reads, Be still and know that I am God. Whenever I feel my peace slipping away, I go to a quiet place and think about this verse. When we are quiet, we can feel God's presence. We can capture his thoughts if we get away from the noise of our world and step into the quiet of his.
Create a quiet life.
One of the blessings of having multiple sclerosis is that I have days when I can't hear much of anything. At first, this seemed like a curse, but I came to understand that it was a relief. I can make my way through a world filled with obnoxious noise and hear very little of it.
On days when I can hear well, I strive to keep noise to a minimum. Right now, the only sounds I can hear are the birds singing outside and the gentle whir of my computer. From time to time, the refrigerator kicks on, but other than that, my house and work space are silent.
I do not have a radio in my car, and I really love the silence. While I'm driving, I pray or think. My mind is not being filled with endless radio advertising, and I arrive at my destinations feeling at peace.
If I fill my head with the noise of radio, TV, and conversations, there is no room left for the novel plots that I am creating. I lose track of the ideas I am mulling over for my blog posts.
How much noise are you hearing in your world? What can you do to reduce the volume? What can you do better if you live in a quieter world?
Today's Challenge
Spend some time today making note of the noise that surrounds you. Is there anything you can do to quiet some of it? Try to turn off the radio, TV, and phone. Sit outside and listen for the sounds of nature. In the quiet, ask God to fill you with his peace.
How much noise do you hear each day?
We frequently complain about a lack of inner peace, but how often do we consider the lack of peace around us? Everywhere we go, there is noise. We can't go into a restaurant anymore without a TV blaring overhead. Stores feel that music playing overhead is necessary to make us comfortable as we shop.
Cell phones ring constantly, interrupting our thoughts and conversations. The people around us talk incessantly, filling the air with mindless gossip and idle chatter.
The noise of living in large cities adds to the volume: school buses, cars, motorcycles, and trucks create background din that we don't even pay attention to after a while. Even while we sleep, the distant whir of traffic never ends.
Be still.
All of this hub-bub robs us of our inner peace. The sad part is that most people don't even realize that noise is an issue.
Psalm 46:10 reads, Be still and know that I am God. Whenever I feel my peace slipping away, I go to a quiet place and think about this verse. When we are quiet, we can feel God's presence. We can capture his thoughts if we get away from the noise of our world and step into the quiet of his.
Create a quiet life.
One of the blessings of having multiple sclerosis is that I have days when I can't hear much of anything. At first, this seemed like a curse, but I came to understand that it was a relief. I can make my way through a world filled with obnoxious noise and hear very little of it.
On days when I can hear well, I strive to keep noise to a minimum. Right now, the only sounds I can hear are the birds singing outside and the gentle whir of my computer. From time to time, the refrigerator kicks on, but other than that, my house and work space are silent.
I do not have a radio in my car, and I really love the silence. While I'm driving, I pray or think. My mind is not being filled with endless radio advertising, and I arrive at my destinations feeling at peace.
If I fill my head with the noise of radio, TV, and conversations, there is no room left for the novel plots that I am creating. I lose track of the ideas I am mulling over for my blog posts.
How much noise are you hearing in your world? What can you do to reduce the volume? What can you do better if you live in a quieter world?
Today's Challenge
Spend some time today making note of the noise that surrounds you. Is there anything you can do to quiet some of it? Try to turn off the radio, TV, and phone. Sit outside and listen for the sounds of nature. In the quiet, ask God to fill you with his peace.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Lead Quiet Lives
We're learning about ways to live more peacefully this week as we continue with my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I would like to address the importance of leading quiet lives that promote inner peace.
How quiet is your life?
In our quest for peace, many of us struggle to find inner calm because of the clutter that surrounds us. Our stuff may not be piled as high as the rubble in tsunami-stricken Japan, but an excess of possessions in our homes can certainly feel just as overwhelming.
Whenever my house becomes cluttered, I find it difficult to function. Unopened mail on my desk distracts me from my writing. A sink filled with dirty dishes robs me of any desire to cook the next meal. A garage full of useless and broken stuff prevents me from parking my car in a dry place. Wherever clutter reigns, peace no longer exists.
God directs us to lead quiet lives.
Jesus' brother, James, wrote: Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own businss and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders... (James 4:11-12 NIV)
What kind of message is your home sending to others? Is it a place of chaos or a peaceful sanctuary? Are you modeling a quiet life of peace for your friends and family? Or is your home a place of disorder?
Find satisfaction in living more simply.
We live in a country where we are blessed beyond belief with an abundance of personal goods. Most people in the world only have one set of clothing, which is torn and threadbare. Many don't even own one pair of shoes.
How many pairs of shoes do we really need? Two, three, or thirty? Every time we spend money on excessive items, we give up an opportunity to do something helpful with it...such as saving for retirement or giving to our favorite charity.
And with each new acquisition, our home seems to become smaller and smaller. Eventually, we are dissatisfied with the size of our houses, and we upgrade to bigger ones with larger garages and closets.
It all begins with the purchase of a pair of shoes, but eventually we find ourselves unable to sleep at night, because we're struggling to make ends meet in our oversized houses filled to capacity with stuff. The more stuff we have, the less peace we experience.
Start somewhere.
Clutter has become such an issue in our society that there are actually TV shows about people who hoard things. They cannot bear to throw anything away, and they end up living in small corners of their homes which are free from junk.
When we find ourselves losing our peace over the issue of having too much stuff, we must start somewhere to clear our space. When I look at a room that is overflowing with stuff, I promise myself that I will begin by simply throwing away, putting away, or giving away 20 items.
I begin counting, and I usually forget that I have limited myself to 20 items. Just starting with one small goal gives me the ability to go further. Before I know it, I have cleaned out an entire drawer, or a closet, or a room.
I urge you to consider how much peace you're sacrificing every time you make a purchase. Consider how much money, space, and maintenance the item will require. Is it worth it?
Today's Challenge
Walk through each room of your house today, as well as your garage and yard. What kind of message are you sending to the rest of the world? Is your home a place of quiet order and peace? Or is it a disaster area? Make a commitment today to start eliminating clutter, 20 items at a time.
How quiet is your life?
In our quest for peace, many of us struggle to find inner calm because of the clutter that surrounds us. Our stuff may not be piled as high as the rubble in tsunami-stricken Japan, but an excess of possessions in our homes can certainly feel just as overwhelming.
Whenever my house becomes cluttered, I find it difficult to function. Unopened mail on my desk distracts me from my writing. A sink filled with dirty dishes robs me of any desire to cook the next meal. A garage full of useless and broken stuff prevents me from parking my car in a dry place. Wherever clutter reigns, peace no longer exists.
God directs us to lead quiet lives.
Jesus' brother, James, wrote: Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own businss and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders... (James 4:11-12 NIV)
What kind of message is your home sending to others? Is it a place of chaos or a peaceful sanctuary? Are you modeling a quiet life of peace for your friends and family? Or is your home a place of disorder?
Find satisfaction in living more simply.
We live in a country where we are blessed beyond belief with an abundance of personal goods. Most people in the world only have one set of clothing, which is torn and threadbare. Many don't even own one pair of shoes.
How many pairs of shoes do we really need? Two, three, or thirty? Every time we spend money on excessive items, we give up an opportunity to do something helpful with it...such as saving for retirement or giving to our favorite charity.
And with each new acquisition, our home seems to become smaller and smaller. Eventually, we are dissatisfied with the size of our houses, and we upgrade to bigger ones with larger garages and closets.
It all begins with the purchase of a pair of shoes, but eventually we find ourselves unable to sleep at night, because we're struggling to make ends meet in our oversized houses filled to capacity with stuff. The more stuff we have, the less peace we experience.
Start somewhere.
Clutter has become such an issue in our society that there are actually TV shows about people who hoard things. They cannot bear to throw anything away, and they end up living in small corners of their homes which are free from junk.
When we find ourselves losing our peace over the issue of having too much stuff, we must start somewhere to clear our space. When I look at a room that is overflowing with stuff, I promise myself that I will begin by simply throwing away, putting away, or giving away 20 items.
I begin counting, and I usually forget that I have limited myself to 20 items. Just starting with one small goal gives me the ability to go further. Before I know it, I have cleaned out an entire drawer, or a closet, or a room.
I urge you to consider how much peace you're sacrificing every time you make a purchase. Consider how much money, space, and maintenance the item will require. Is it worth it?
Today's Challenge
Walk through each room of your house today, as well as your garage and yard. What kind of message are you sending to the rest of the world? Is your home a place of quiet order and peace? Or is it a disaster area? Make a commitment today to start eliminating clutter, 20 items at a time.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Trust God to Increase Your Peace
Yesterday, we took a look at what happens to our peace when we choose to remain in relationships with people who constantly rob us of it. Today, I want to examine how a relationship with God changes our peace. This is a continuation of my series, Thriving in God's Garden, a study of the fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22.
We yearn for peace.
In recent days, Japan has been rocked by the world's worst earthquake, followed by a tsunami that destroyed homes, cars, highways, and ships. Terrified occupants of the city of Sendai literally ran for their lives, which proved futile for many, since the wall of water was racing across the land at over 50 miles per hour.
After more than a month, the city is still in a state of shock. Nearby nuclear reactors have leaked radiation into the air, the drinking water, and the sea. Produce growing on the land is now unfit to eat. Piles of shifting rubble includes homes and cars. Nearly 15,000 people are still missing, and whether they lie dead under that rubble or have been washed out to sea remains a mystery.
In a situation such as this, people yearn for order to be restored. When everything that we rely on, such as electricity, water, mass transit, gasoline, autos, and food are all taken away from us; we sense that there is no one in control of the world anymore. If we don't know God, this type of loss can cause really severe emotional and spiritual turmoil.
During chaos, we look for someone to restore order.
When tragedies such as the Japanese tsunami strike, most people look to someone for help in restoring order. Police officers, paramedics, fire fighters, doctors, nurses, military workers, and many volunteers become the heroes who restore order.
These first responders often receive our heartfelt thanks for their efforts to save our lives. But what happens when the sense of urgency dies down and those workers leave an area that has been left in chaos? Who do we look to for help then?
God must be our greatest hero.
People who experience a close brush with death often realize how fleeting our lives truly are. When we witness our neighbors dying, our sense of self-reliance washes out to sea as swiftly and easily as a house borne by a tsunami.
At times like these, we must rely on God to restore order. If we trust in him and acknowledge that he knows what is best for us, then we can maintain inner peace at times when everyone else is running in circles and screaming hysterically.
Psalm 20:7 (NIV) reads, Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. I like the Message version of the Bible for this same verse: See those people polishing their chariots, and those others grooming their horses? But we're making garlands for God our God. The chariots will rust, those horses pull up lame--and we'll be on our feet, standing tall.
When we forget about God and begin focusing mostly on activities such as polishing our cars and decorating our houses, we run the risk of losing our inner peace if chaos strikes. In the United States, we haven't experienced a tsunami, but many of us are losing our shiny cars and enormous houses to the banks. When we put our trust in things that can be whisked away from us through natural disasters or a faltering economy, we lose our peace as swiftly as the victims of the tsunami did.
Put your trust in God alone.
I have suffered tremendous losses over the course of my life. I have survived childhood sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, a closed-head injury, four serious car accidents, stage four cancer, the loss of three babies, a disrupted adoption, near-bankruptcy, a paralyzing stroke, business loss, and a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis.
I cannot fathom how crazy I would be if I didn't know God. In fact, I doubt that I would still be alive today without my greatest hero, because I would have taken my own life along the way.
But because I chose to look to God for help in times of trouble, he restored my peace in a way that no emergency worker, doctor, banker, or therapist could. My greatest source of peace has always been Psalm 91, which I discovered while I awaited surgery for cancer. The first two verses read:
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
The last verse of this Psalm reads:
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.
There is no government guarantee or insurance policy big enough to make promises like God does. He vows to stay with us when tsunamis tear our homes from their foundations. He guarantees that he will rescue us when the storms of life bluster against us. With God, we have everything we need, because whether we survive in this life or not, he promises eternal life with him in heaven.
Today's Challenge
Go to www.biblegateway.com or your own Bible to read all of Psalm 91 today. Begin putting your trust in God, and your peace will grow.
We yearn for peace.
In recent days, Japan has been rocked by the world's worst earthquake, followed by a tsunami that destroyed homes, cars, highways, and ships. Terrified occupants of the city of Sendai literally ran for their lives, which proved futile for many, since the wall of water was racing across the land at over 50 miles per hour.
After more than a month, the city is still in a state of shock. Nearby nuclear reactors have leaked radiation into the air, the drinking water, and the sea. Produce growing on the land is now unfit to eat. Piles of shifting rubble includes homes and cars. Nearly 15,000 people are still missing, and whether they lie dead under that rubble or have been washed out to sea remains a mystery.
In a situation such as this, people yearn for order to be restored. When everything that we rely on, such as electricity, water, mass transit, gasoline, autos, and food are all taken away from us; we sense that there is no one in control of the world anymore. If we don't know God, this type of loss can cause really severe emotional and spiritual turmoil.
During chaos, we look for someone to restore order.
When tragedies such as the Japanese tsunami strike, most people look to someone for help in restoring order. Police officers, paramedics, fire fighters, doctors, nurses, military workers, and many volunteers become the heroes who restore order.
These first responders often receive our heartfelt thanks for their efforts to save our lives. But what happens when the sense of urgency dies down and those workers leave an area that has been left in chaos? Who do we look to for help then?
God must be our greatest hero.
People who experience a close brush with death often realize how fleeting our lives truly are. When we witness our neighbors dying, our sense of self-reliance washes out to sea as swiftly and easily as a house borne by a tsunami.
At times like these, we must rely on God to restore order. If we trust in him and acknowledge that he knows what is best for us, then we can maintain inner peace at times when everyone else is running in circles and screaming hysterically.
Psalm 20:7 (NIV) reads, Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. I like the Message version of the Bible for this same verse: See those people polishing their chariots, and those others grooming their horses? But we're making garlands for God our God. The chariots will rust, those horses pull up lame--and we'll be on our feet, standing tall.
When we forget about God and begin focusing mostly on activities such as polishing our cars and decorating our houses, we run the risk of losing our inner peace if chaos strikes. In the United States, we haven't experienced a tsunami, but many of us are losing our shiny cars and enormous houses to the banks. When we put our trust in things that can be whisked away from us through natural disasters or a faltering economy, we lose our peace as swiftly as the victims of the tsunami did.
Put your trust in God alone.
I have suffered tremendous losses over the course of my life. I have survived childhood sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, a closed-head injury, four serious car accidents, stage four cancer, the loss of three babies, a disrupted adoption, near-bankruptcy, a paralyzing stroke, business loss, and a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis.
I cannot fathom how crazy I would be if I didn't know God. In fact, I doubt that I would still be alive today without my greatest hero, because I would have taken my own life along the way.
But because I chose to look to God for help in times of trouble, he restored my peace in a way that no emergency worker, doctor, banker, or therapist could. My greatest source of peace has always been Psalm 91, which I discovered while I awaited surgery for cancer. The first two verses read:
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
The last verse of this Psalm reads:
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.
There is no government guarantee or insurance policy big enough to make promises like God does. He vows to stay with us when tsunamis tear our homes from their foundations. He guarantees that he will rescue us when the storms of life bluster against us. With God, we have everything we need, because whether we survive in this life or not, he promises eternal life with him in heaven.
Today's Challenge
Go to www.biblegateway.com or your own Bible to read all of Psalm 91 today. Begin putting your trust in God, and your peace will grow.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Conflict is the Absence of Peace
We will be learning this week about how to achieve peace in our ongoing series, Thriving in God's Garden. This study is based on the fruit of the Spirit, which is found in Galatians 5:22 (NIV): But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentlenesss and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Got peace?
Before we talk about how to achieve peace, I would like to address what happens when we have an absence of it. Because if we have a disagreement with someone, it can affect everything we do.
If we allow a conflict to go on without speaking our peace, forgiving one another, and reconciling; we can get stuck in a very uncomfortable place. We may find ourselves dreaming about the problem, thinking about the disagreement instead of working, and suffering from depression and physical ailments. We know that we must settle the problem so that we can get back to the business of living.
Some disagreements are relatively easy to settle. When we say something that our spouse takes the wrong way, and he lashes back in defense mode, all it takes is a short discussion to get things back on track.
But when our disagreement involves something as serious as childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, or criminal acts; it is much more difficult to achieve a sense of inner peace. We long for an opportunity to settle the matter so that we can begin our lives over again.
God knows the way to peace.
God's Word reminds us that he desires peace for us, but we get ourselves into situations where we can never achieve it. Isaiah 48:17-22 (NIV) reads:
This is what the Lord says--your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea. Your descendents would have been like the sand, your children like its numberless grains; their name would never be cut off nor destroyed from before me."
Leave Babylon, flee from the Babylonians! Announce this with shouts of joy and proclaim it out to the ends of the earth; say, 'The Lord has redeemed his servant Jacob.' They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts; he made water flow for them from the rock; he split the rock and water gushed out. "There is no peace" says the Lord, "for the wicked."
God knows when we have strayed into wrong relationships, and he will lead us away from them to a place of safety if we trust him. Just as he told the Israelites of long ago to flee from the wicked Babylonians, he is telling us today to flee from wicked people. With them, there can never be peace.
Go to a peaceful place.
If we find ourselves in situations where people are continuing to abuse us or commit crimes against us, we cannot find the lasting peace God wants us to have there. We must find a peaceful place where we can work on restoring our souls.
Sometimes, we are not in a position to remove ourselves from the house or apartment that we share with an abusive partner. In cases like this, finding a little space where we find peace can be a good beginning.
In my first marriage, I discovered a place of safety in the bonus room over our garage. I bought a dead-bolt lock, installed it on the door, and barricaded myself in that room at night so that I could sleep. In my sanctuary, I had time to think about other things besides defending myself against further abuse.
When we find ourselves living like this, our first thoughts should be about how we are going to move to a place of peace. I considered going to a safe house, but doing so would have created tremendous upheaval for my children.
I met women during this time in my life who were running with their children from one safe house to the next. They were terrified of being caught by their abusers, and they lived like criminals on the run. Sadly, the government often treats such abused women as kidnappers when their spouses file charges against them for denying them access to the children.
And when the situation really escalates out of control, women on the run are found dead...murdered by their abusers. I was shocked when I discovered that one of the women in my discussion group had been killed by her husband. He had beaten her to a pulp, and when she tried to run, he drove over her with the family car.
Statistics tell us that 70 percent of women who try to leave abusive relationships are murdered. This is a sobering number, and it ought to make us think hard about how we are going to remove ourselves and our children safely.
Get help.
It is best to enlist the aid of a professional therapist and the police when attempting to leave an abusive relationship. The therapist bolsters our courage, and the police keep an eye on the abuser.
Before leaving, it is imperative to file for a restraining order. This is a court order that is free and relatively easy to obtain. In my state, all I had to do was prove that my abuser had harmed me twice within a span of two weeks.
The proof can be hand-written documentation of threats, photos of injuries, receipts from emergency room treatments, recordings of telephone messages, and so on. The court tends to err on the side of the person claiming the abuse, because people's lives are at stake.
Eventually, there must be a hearing to prove these claims, so this is where the therapist is helpful. It can be terrifying to face an abuser in court, but there are many supportive people who can stand by us in the process.
Conflict leaves many scars.
Achieving a sense of peace takes a long time after surviving an abusive relationship. For years afterward, we may find ourselves looking over our shoulders, expecting our abusers to be following us home.
We often develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of the terror that we have experienced, both within the relationship and after it has ended. It may take us 10 to 20 years to overcome the trauma, provided we have the right therapist helping us. Without help, we may never recover.
It is impossible to achieve a sense of peace if we live in abusive or highly conflicted relationships. I pray that my readers will take action if they find themselves in such a place. Tomorrow, we will look at how to create new lives for ourselves that provide us with more than basic safety.
Today's Challenge
If you are living in an abusive relationship, take steps today to provide yourself and your children with a safe haven. Call or visit a women's shelter for advice on how to safely leave. Take action by making a commitment to meet regularly with a therapist who is well-trained in assisting abused women.
Subscribe to Hope Among the Ashes
To place my posts on your email home page, click on the link on the right side of the page that reads Subscribe to Hope Among the Ashes. Select your email host from the drop-down menu, and you'll receive a daily reminder when I post something new.
Got peace?
Before we talk about how to achieve peace, I would like to address what happens when we have an absence of it. Because if we have a disagreement with someone, it can affect everything we do.
If we allow a conflict to go on without speaking our peace, forgiving one another, and reconciling; we can get stuck in a very uncomfortable place. We may find ourselves dreaming about the problem, thinking about the disagreement instead of working, and suffering from depression and physical ailments. We know that we must settle the problem so that we can get back to the business of living.
Some disagreements are relatively easy to settle. When we say something that our spouse takes the wrong way, and he lashes back in defense mode, all it takes is a short discussion to get things back on track.
But when our disagreement involves something as serious as childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, or criminal acts; it is much more difficult to achieve a sense of inner peace. We long for an opportunity to settle the matter so that we can begin our lives over again.
God knows the way to peace.
God's Word reminds us that he desires peace for us, but we get ourselves into situations where we can never achieve it. Isaiah 48:17-22 (NIV) reads:
This is what the Lord says--your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea. Your descendents would have been like the sand, your children like its numberless grains; their name would never be cut off nor destroyed from before me."
Leave Babylon, flee from the Babylonians! Announce this with shouts of joy and proclaim it out to the ends of the earth; say, 'The Lord has redeemed his servant Jacob.' They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts; he made water flow for them from the rock; he split the rock and water gushed out. "There is no peace" says the Lord, "for the wicked."
God knows when we have strayed into wrong relationships, and he will lead us away from them to a place of safety if we trust him. Just as he told the Israelites of long ago to flee from the wicked Babylonians, he is telling us today to flee from wicked people. With them, there can never be peace.
Go to a peaceful place.
If we find ourselves in situations where people are continuing to abuse us or commit crimes against us, we cannot find the lasting peace God wants us to have there. We must find a peaceful place where we can work on restoring our souls.
Sometimes, we are not in a position to remove ourselves from the house or apartment that we share with an abusive partner. In cases like this, finding a little space where we find peace can be a good beginning.
In my first marriage, I discovered a place of safety in the bonus room over our garage. I bought a dead-bolt lock, installed it on the door, and barricaded myself in that room at night so that I could sleep. In my sanctuary, I had time to think about other things besides defending myself against further abuse.
When we find ourselves living like this, our first thoughts should be about how we are going to move to a place of peace. I considered going to a safe house, but doing so would have created tremendous upheaval for my children.
I met women during this time in my life who were running with their children from one safe house to the next. They were terrified of being caught by their abusers, and they lived like criminals on the run. Sadly, the government often treats such abused women as kidnappers when their spouses file charges against them for denying them access to the children.
And when the situation really escalates out of control, women on the run are found dead...murdered by their abusers. I was shocked when I discovered that one of the women in my discussion group had been killed by her husband. He had beaten her to a pulp, and when she tried to run, he drove over her with the family car.
Statistics tell us that 70 percent of women who try to leave abusive relationships are murdered. This is a sobering number, and it ought to make us think hard about how we are going to remove ourselves and our children safely.
Get help.
It is best to enlist the aid of a professional therapist and the police when attempting to leave an abusive relationship. The therapist bolsters our courage, and the police keep an eye on the abuser.
Before leaving, it is imperative to file for a restraining order. This is a court order that is free and relatively easy to obtain. In my state, all I had to do was prove that my abuser had harmed me twice within a span of two weeks.
The proof can be hand-written documentation of threats, photos of injuries, receipts from emergency room treatments, recordings of telephone messages, and so on. The court tends to err on the side of the person claiming the abuse, because people's lives are at stake.
Eventually, there must be a hearing to prove these claims, so this is where the therapist is helpful. It can be terrifying to face an abuser in court, but there are many supportive people who can stand by us in the process.
Conflict leaves many scars.
Achieving a sense of peace takes a long time after surviving an abusive relationship. For years afterward, we may find ourselves looking over our shoulders, expecting our abusers to be following us home.
We often develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of the terror that we have experienced, both within the relationship and after it has ended. It may take us 10 to 20 years to overcome the trauma, provided we have the right therapist helping us. Without help, we may never recover.
It is impossible to achieve a sense of peace if we live in abusive or highly conflicted relationships. I pray that my readers will take action if they find themselves in such a place. Tomorrow, we will look at how to create new lives for ourselves that provide us with more than basic safety.
Today's Challenge
If you are living in an abusive relationship, take steps today to provide yourself and your children with a safe haven. Call or visit a women's shelter for advice on how to safely leave. Take action by making a commitment to meet regularly with a therapist who is well-trained in assisting abused women.
Subscribe to Hope Among the Ashes
To place my posts on your email home page, click on the link on the right side of the page that reads Subscribe to Hope Among the Ashes. Select your email host from the drop-down menu, and you'll receive a daily reminder when I post something new.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Share Your Joy With Others
We conclude this week's discussion about joy with some thoughts about sharing it with others. This is the second in a nine-part series on the fruit of the Spirit, which I have titled, Thriving in God's Garden.
Be joyful always.
God created us to share his joy with others. The apostle Paul wrote in I Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV), Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Notice that this verse doesn't say, Be joyful when things are going well. God wants us to be joyful all the time. I realize that this is a tall order, but it is something for us to strive for.
Sometimes life causes us tremendous pain, emotional let-downs, grief, and anxiety. Abuse and trauma can leave us with big, gaping emotional wounds.
Ecclesiastes 5:1 and 4 (NIV) tell us, There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. There will be times when it is more appropriate to cry than to laugh, but it doesn't mean that our joy leaves us completely.
Joy is something that remains with us if we know God, even when we are sad about our life circumstances. We may not be happy about what is going on, but we cling to the joy of knowing that God is in control of all things and will work them out for our good.
Romans 8:28 (NIV) reminds us, And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Focus on God, not the pain.
A car accident last year, complicated by a history of multiple sclerosis, has left me with some pretty significant, unrelenting pain. Today, that pain is so severe, it is interfering with my ability to type. If I dwell on it, I may find myself in tears, unable to think or work. If I let the pain take over, I may snap at my husband, my dog, and anyone else I encounter.
On the other hand, if I remember that this pain is temporary and that God is eternal, I can deal with the discomfort. I can greet others with a cheerful smile, interact with them patiently, and share God's joy by not mentioning the pain. Because every time I bring up the pain, I lose an opportunity to remain focused on God's blessings. Talking about the pain empowers it and reduces my joy.
When I walk away from people after telling them about my pain, they feel downcast, and I feel badly. I realize afterward that I didn't encourage them with my complaints, and I missed an opportunity to show them what it means to be joyful always and to be thankful in all circumstances.
Please note that this doesn't mean I should be fake with my closest friends and family members. I can ask them to pray for me so that the pain will become more bearable. But outside of my prayer circle, the only person who needs to know about my pain is my doctor.
When we're struggling with the aftermath of abuse or trauma, it isn't appropriate for us to share our burdens with everyone we meet. Talking with a professional counselor, a few close friends, and a prayer group is sufficient.
Let your joy shine.
When we give up whining about our problems and our pain, we need to replace those negative thoughts and words with positive ones. When we greet people, we need to tell them how blessed we are with a smile on our faces.
Often, we don't have to say anything special to demonstrate to others that we are joyful, knowing that God is in control. Many people have told me that I have inspired them, because I live with MS and still keep smiling. This always surprises me, but I realize that my smile is an encouragement to others, even on days when I am in a lot of pain.
In conclusion, we have learned this week that getting away from abusive or neglectful people can increase our ability to maintain our joy. When we look to God to fulfill all our needs, we become thankful for all that he does to bless us each day. Our joy shows forth through our creative efforts, and it shines for others when we remain focused on God instead of our problems.
Next week, we will continue with this series, Thriving in God's Garden, with a look at peace.
Today's Challenge
If you are struggling with unbearable pain or difficult life circumstances, tell God about them. Ask a few prayer warriors to pray for you. Then, focus on the blessings that God has given you, and let your joy shine for the rest of the world to see.
Be joyful always.
God created us to share his joy with others. The apostle Paul wrote in I Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV), Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Notice that this verse doesn't say, Be joyful when things are going well. God wants us to be joyful all the time. I realize that this is a tall order, but it is something for us to strive for.
Sometimes life causes us tremendous pain, emotional let-downs, grief, and anxiety. Abuse and trauma can leave us with big, gaping emotional wounds.
Ecclesiastes 5:1 and 4 (NIV) tell us, There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. There will be times when it is more appropriate to cry than to laugh, but it doesn't mean that our joy leaves us completely.
Joy is something that remains with us if we know God, even when we are sad about our life circumstances. We may not be happy about what is going on, but we cling to the joy of knowing that God is in control of all things and will work them out for our good.
Romans 8:28 (NIV) reminds us, And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Focus on God, not the pain.
A car accident last year, complicated by a history of multiple sclerosis, has left me with some pretty significant, unrelenting pain. Today, that pain is so severe, it is interfering with my ability to type. If I dwell on it, I may find myself in tears, unable to think or work. If I let the pain take over, I may snap at my husband, my dog, and anyone else I encounter.
On the other hand, if I remember that this pain is temporary and that God is eternal, I can deal with the discomfort. I can greet others with a cheerful smile, interact with them patiently, and share God's joy by not mentioning the pain. Because every time I bring up the pain, I lose an opportunity to remain focused on God's blessings. Talking about the pain empowers it and reduces my joy.
When I walk away from people after telling them about my pain, they feel downcast, and I feel badly. I realize afterward that I didn't encourage them with my complaints, and I missed an opportunity to show them what it means to be joyful always and to be thankful in all circumstances.
Please note that this doesn't mean I should be fake with my closest friends and family members. I can ask them to pray for me so that the pain will become more bearable. But outside of my prayer circle, the only person who needs to know about my pain is my doctor.
When we're struggling with the aftermath of abuse or trauma, it isn't appropriate for us to share our burdens with everyone we meet. Talking with a professional counselor, a few close friends, and a prayer group is sufficient.
Let your joy shine.
When we give up whining about our problems and our pain, we need to replace those negative thoughts and words with positive ones. When we greet people, we need to tell them how blessed we are with a smile on our faces.
Often, we don't have to say anything special to demonstrate to others that we are joyful, knowing that God is in control. Many people have told me that I have inspired them, because I live with MS and still keep smiling. This always surprises me, but I realize that my smile is an encouragement to others, even on days when I am in a lot of pain.
In conclusion, we have learned this week that getting away from abusive or neglectful people can increase our ability to maintain our joy. When we look to God to fulfill all our needs, we become thankful for all that he does to bless us each day. Our joy shows forth through our creative efforts, and it shines for others when we remain focused on God instead of our problems.
Next week, we will continue with this series, Thriving in God's Garden, with a look at peace.
Today's Challenge
If you are struggling with unbearable pain or difficult life circumstances, tell God about them. Ask a few prayer warriors to pray for you. Then, focus on the blessings that God has given you, and let your joy shine for the rest of the world to see.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Express Your Joy to God
In this series, Thriving in God's Garden, we are learning this week about joy. We know now that abuse steals our joy, and hardships can cause it to falter. But trusting in God to restore our joy always brings about positive results. Today, we look at ways to express our joy to God.
Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent
When I was three years old, I received a much-anticipated gift at Christmas: Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent. For those of you who aren't quite as old as I am, Cecil was a cartoon character, and I desperately wanted him.
My dad took a home movie of me when I discovered Cecil under the tree. You've never seen a reaction quite like mine on that day. I flapped my hands like a hummingbird's wings and ran in place as if I were standing on hot coals. Then, I began jumping up and down, and the grin on my face nearly split my head in two.
My reaction to Cecil was an excellent example of what joy looks like. Ever since then, when I get really excited about something that makes me joyful, I break into the Cecil Dance.
Life can suck the dance right out of us.
We are born to experience the type of joy that I felt over Cecil's arrival on Christmas. But devastating experiences, such as childhood sexual abuse, dometic violence, or traumatic events can drain the joy completely out of us.
And we don't have to be victims of abuse or trauma to have our joy dampened by all of the rules and regulations imposed on us as children. Grown-ups tell us not to run, not to shout, not to jump up and down when we're excited. We're taught to keep our mouths shut and to act like little ladies and gentlemen.
Many of us struggle with depression, because we have never been allowed to let our joy shine. We go to lackluster jobs that we hate, socialize with people who bore us, and deny ourselves many pleasures, because we've been taught that it's wrong to kick up our heels and giggle.
Show God your joy.
There are many ways to express the joy that God gives us. Psalm 66:1 (NIV) tells us, Shout with joy to God, all the earth! Sing the glory of his name; make his praise glorious! Psalm 149:3 (NIV) says, Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp.
If you can't do the Cecil Dance around other people when you're happy, at least show God that you're joyful behind closed doors. During your prayer time, thank him for the countless blessings that you receive every day. If you don't feel blessed, remember that every breath you draw is a gift from God. Start there.
Before long, you'll begin to realize that you're whistling a little tune or humming to yourself. Because when you're thankful, joy bubbles forth.
Find ways to pop the cork and let your joy bubble over. Maybe you can join the church choir or play an instrument in the band. Music is a powerful way to express our joy. My favorite way to express joy is to play hymns and praise music on the piano.
If music isn't your strong suit, perhaps you can express your joy through art. Painting, drawing, sewing, embroidering, knitting, scrapbooking, beading, and many other crafts provide us with an outlet for creativity. In my opinion, creativity is merely the outward expression of our inner joy.
Not a musician or an artist? How about dancing? You don't have to be Ginger Rogers or Fred Astaire to express the joy you feel. Just crank up the radio in your own house and start jumping around. Let the music lead you, and before you know it, you'll be grinning.
I hope you're getting the picture about how to generate joy and how to express it to God. Tomorrow, we'll look at ways to share our joy with others.
Today's Challenge
In your prayer time, tell God thank you for all that he does to bless you. Then, find a way today to express your gratitude to him through music, art, or dance.
Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent
When I was three years old, I received a much-anticipated gift at Christmas: Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent. For those of you who aren't quite as old as I am, Cecil was a cartoon character, and I desperately wanted him.
My dad took a home movie of me when I discovered Cecil under the tree. You've never seen a reaction quite like mine on that day. I flapped my hands like a hummingbird's wings and ran in place as if I were standing on hot coals. Then, I began jumping up and down, and the grin on my face nearly split my head in two.
My reaction to Cecil was an excellent example of what joy looks like. Ever since then, when I get really excited about something that makes me joyful, I break into the Cecil Dance.
Life can suck the dance right out of us.
We are born to experience the type of joy that I felt over Cecil's arrival on Christmas. But devastating experiences, such as childhood sexual abuse, dometic violence, or traumatic events can drain the joy completely out of us.
And we don't have to be victims of abuse or trauma to have our joy dampened by all of the rules and regulations imposed on us as children. Grown-ups tell us not to run, not to shout, not to jump up and down when we're excited. We're taught to keep our mouths shut and to act like little ladies and gentlemen.
Many of us struggle with depression, because we have never been allowed to let our joy shine. We go to lackluster jobs that we hate, socialize with people who bore us, and deny ourselves many pleasures, because we've been taught that it's wrong to kick up our heels and giggle.
Show God your joy.
There are many ways to express the joy that God gives us. Psalm 66:1 (NIV) tells us, Shout with joy to God, all the earth! Sing the glory of his name; make his praise glorious! Psalm 149:3 (NIV) says, Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp.
If you can't do the Cecil Dance around other people when you're happy, at least show God that you're joyful behind closed doors. During your prayer time, thank him for the countless blessings that you receive every day. If you don't feel blessed, remember that every breath you draw is a gift from God. Start there.
Before long, you'll begin to realize that you're whistling a little tune or humming to yourself. Because when you're thankful, joy bubbles forth.
Find ways to pop the cork and let your joy bubble over. Maybe you can join the church choir or play an instrument in the band. Music is a powerful way to express our joy. My favorite way to express joy is to play hymns and praise music on the piano.
If music isn't your strong suit, perhaps you can express your joy through art. Painting, drawing, sewing, embroidering, knitting, scrapbooking, beading, and many other crafts provide us with an outlet for creativity. In my opinion, creativity is merely the outward expression of our inner joy.
Not a musician or an artist? How about dancing? You don't have to be Ginger Rogers or Fred Astaire to express the joy you feel. Just crank up the radio in your own house and start jumping around. Let the music lead you, and before you know it, you'll be grinning.
I hope you're getting the picture about how to generate joy and how to express it to God. Tomorrow, we'll look at ways to share our joy with others.
Today's Challenge
In your prayer time, tell God thank you for all that he does to bless you. Then, find a way today to express your gratitude to him through music, art, or dance.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
God's Joy Sustains Us Through Hard Times
We continue this week with thoughts about joy in my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Yesterday, we learned that we find joy when we develop a relationship with God. Today, we consider how our joy may decrease during hard times.
God's joy sustains us through hard times.
After we have left an abusive relationship and struck out on our own, we may still encounter hardships. Having the faith to follow God does not guarantee that our lives will become nothing but sunshine and roses.
Habakkuk 3:17-18 (NIV) reminds us that there will be hard times. But it also points out that God will still be our source of joy when those times come:
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Our level of joy can rise and fall.
After I divorced my first husband, I felt relieved to be freed from so many years of abuse. But, I also struggled with difficulties that threatened to steal my joy. For the first time in years, I had a full-time job. I felt completely overwhelmed by a workload that should have been shared by three people.
My children were thrust into the world of the latch-key bunch, and they endured battles of their own. My son got knocked off his bicycle on his way to school by a hit-and-run driver and ended up with a broken wrist. All of the kids struggled with the inevitable adjustments that go along with divorce and relocation.
The life changes we were experiencing caused all of the children and me a great deal of pain, and at the time, we weren't exactly whistling Dixie over it. During hard times, our joy may decrease for a while. But if we have a solid relationship with God, we can learn how to restore our joy.
Gratitude helps us to restore our joy.
When I looked back later at incidents, such as my son's broken wrist, I began to understand that knowing God made things a little easier. I thanked him for resolving problems for us and providing for our needs. Whenever I thanked God, I felt a little happier. And suddenly, for the first time in my life, I began to connect gratitude with joy.
If we look up joy in the Bible, we can find countless verses where thankfulness and joy go hand in hand. Many of the Psalms are based on this combination. Psalm 21:1 (NIV) reads, O Lord, the king rejoices in your strength. How great is his joy in the victories you give! Giving God thanks for our daily victories fills us with joy, even when life is difficult.
So, we know that leaving behind abusive, neglectful relationships can increase our joy. And relying on God to restore our joy, both in good times and in bad, is the best source of renewal. Tomorrow, we will look at ways that we can express our joy to God.
Today's Challenge
Are you going through a hard time right now? God promises to restore your joy. Look in his Word for references to joy and thank him, as the psalmist did, for your daily victories.
God's joy sustains us through hard times.
After we have left an abusive relationship and struck out on our own, we may still encounter hardships. Having the faith to follow God does not guarantee that our lives will become nothing but sunshine and roses.
Habakkuk 3:17-18 (NIV) reminds us that there will be hard times. But it also points out that God will still be our source of joy when those times come:
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Our level of joy can rise and fall.
After I divorced my first husband, I felt relieved to be freed from so many years of abuse. But, I also struggled with difficulties that threatened to steal my joy. For the first time in years, I had a full-time job. I felt completely overwhelmed by a workload that should have been shared by three people.
My children were thrust into the world of the latch-key bunch, and they endured battles of their own. My son got knocked off his bicycle on his way to school by a hit-and-run driver and ended up with a broken wrist. All of the kids struggled with the inevitable adjustments that go along with divorce and relocation.
The life changes we were experiencing caused all of the children and me a great deal of pain, and at the time, we weren't exactly whistling Dixie over it. During hard times, our joy may decrease for a while. But if we have a solid relationship with God, we can learn how to restore our joy.
Gratitude helps us to restore our joy.
When I looked back later at incidents, such as my son's broken wrist, I began to understand that knowing God made things a little easier. I thanked him for resolving problems for us and providing for our needs. Whenever I thanked God, I felt a little happier. And suddenly, for the first time in my life, I began to connect gratitude with joy.
If we look up joy in the Bible, we can find countless verses where thankfulness and joy go hand in hand. Many of the Psalms are based on this combination. Psalm 21:1 (NIV) reads, O Lord, the king rejoices in your strength. How great is his joy in the victories you give! Giving God thanks for our daily victories fills us with joy, even when life is difficult.
So, we know that leaving behind abusive, neglectful relationships can increase our joy. And relying on God to restore our joy, both in good times and in bad, is the best source of renewal. Tomorrow, we will look at ways that we can express our joy to God.
Today's Challenge
Are you going through a hard time right now? God promises to restore your joy. Look in his Word for references to joy and thank him, as the psalmist did, for your daily victories.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Our Joy Begins with God
Yesterday, I expressed my opinions about losing our joy as a result of choosing to remain in relationships with abusive or neglectful unbelievers. Today, we look at how God grows joy in our hearts as we continue with our series, Thriving in God's Garden.
God gives us strength.
After we have found a safe place that is free from neglect and abuse, we must turn to God for strength as we wait for his joy to fill us. While we are recovering from the wounds of abuse, God gives us strength. He promises in Nehemiah 8:10b (NIV), Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
When I left my first marriage, I didn't feel as if I had any strength left. I had not understood beforehand how much grief I would experience. Losing a marriage causes a phenomenon known as the death of a dream.
When we first get married, we dream about a lovely life that will go on forever. We expect happiness with our spouse, and we build goals based on our expectations. When marriage ends in divorce, that dream gets shattered. Suddenly, we don't know who we are or why we're here.
For months after my divorce, I lived like a sleep-walker, stumbling around in the dark. I had no direction and no clue how to start my life over again.
God knows the way.
God knows where he wants us to go and how he wants us to get there. His Word can shed light on the path we are supposed to follow. Our joy begins to grow when we decide to follow God, wherever he leads us.
Psalm 16:11 (NIV) reads, You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
I was really struggling to understand my next step in that confusing new life as a single mother. So, I prayed for direction, and God led me to a nearby church. There, he sent me to play with the handbell choir, where I began to make new friends.
I went to church one Sunday morning and stood at the front with the rest of the handbell players, concentrating on ringing my bells. I looked up and noticed that the people seated before me were all smiling and nodding their heads. Joy radiated from them.
Suddenly, joy enveloped me. I began to smile for the first time in months over something that brought me delight. At that moment, I understood God's promises to fill me with joy, in spite of the sorrows I had experienced as a result of abuse.
So, dear reader, we can see that after we leave unhealthy relationships, our joy begins with knowing and following God. Tomorrow, we will look at how God sustains us through tough times with the promise of his joy.
Today's Challenge
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the level of joy you are feeling today? If it is low, go to www.biblegateway.com and look up the word joy. You will find countless verses to remind you that God is the source of all joy.
God gives us strength.
After we have found a safe place that is free from neglect and abuse, we must turn to God for strength as we wait for his joy to fill us. While we are recovering from the wounds of abuse, God gives us strength. He promises in Nehemiah 8:10b (NIV), Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
When I left my first marriage, I didn't feel as if I had any strength left. I had not understood beforehand how much grief I would experience. Losing a marriage causes a phenomenon known as the death of a dream.
When we first get married, we dream about a lovely life that will go on forever. We expect happiness with our spouse, and we build goals based on our expectations. When marriage ends in divorce, that dream gets shattered. Suddenly, we don't know who we are or why we're here.
For months after my divorce, I lived like a sleep-walker, stumbling around in the dark. I had no direction and no clue how to start my life over again.
God knows the way.
God knows where he wants us to go and how he wants us to get there. His Word can shed light on the path we are supposed to follow. Our joy begins to grow when we decide to follow God, wherever he leads us.
Psalm 16:11 (NIV) reads, You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
I was really struggling to understand my next step in that confusing new life as a single mother. So, I prayed for direction, and God led me to a nearby church. There, he sent me to play with the handbell choir, where I began to make new friends.
I went to church one Sunday morning and stood at the front with the rest of the handbell players, concentrating on ringing my bells. I looked up and noticed that the people seated before me were all smiling and nodding their heads. Joy radiated from them.
Suddenly, joy enveloped me. I began to smile for the first time in months over something that brought me delight. At that moment, I understood God's promises to fill me with joy, in spite of the sorrows I had experienced as a result of abuse.
So, dear reader, we can see that after we leave unhealthy relationships, our joy begins with knowing and following God. Tomorrow, we will look at how God sustains us through tough times with the promise of his joy.
Today's Challenge
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the level of joy you are feeling today? If it is low, go to www.biblegateway.com and look up the word joy. You will find countless verses to remind you that God is the source of all joy.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Why Don't We Feel Joyful?
We continue this week with my series, Thriving in God's Garden, with a look at joy. As a fruit of the Spirit of God, it can make our lives more beautiful, and it spills over onto others when we share it. However, I meet more people whose lives are devoid of joy than the ones who are bubbling over. Many ask me how to find it, and I would like to share my thoughts.
What is joy?
The dictionary defines joy as:
1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation;
2. a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated;
3. the expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety; and
4. a state of happiness or felicity.
These four definitions can help us understand that there are differences between the source of our joy, the emotion of joy that we experience, ways of expressing our joy, and a state of mental and spiritual contentment that comes when the first three are appropriately experienced.
Eeyore Christians
I get really tired of hearing other believers say with a deep sigh and furrowed brow, "I'm joyful." Their lives are a mess, often because their most important relationships are in crisis. They have become confused about feeling joy and receiving joy. They think that all they need to do is accept joy from God, and they will feel it in their broken relationships. This is a myth.
Our source of joy begins with God.
We will never find true joy in this lifetime if we don't have an intimate relationship with God. With that in place, we are capable of actually feeling joyful in our relationships with others. The only problem we run into is when we try to force ourselves into or to remain in relationships with people who are not helping us to maintain the joy that God gives us.
We can think of joy as water. God holds the water pitcher. We hold out our cups to him, and when they overflow, we can pour off some of our water into others' cups.If our cup is empty, we cannot refresh ourselves, nor can we pour one for others. All we can do is tip the cup and pour out nothing.
When we're dry to the bone due to a lack of joy that begins with God, our lives become a constant struggle. We cannot work on relationships, because we are so spiritually thirsty. Joy is as critical to survival as water, air, and food.
We can express and receive joy if we know where to pour it.
When we meet people who are bubbling over with joy, it is because they have been filled with God's Spirit. It is also because they have learned where to pour it.
Like our water pitcher image, their cups are brimming over, and the pitcher just keeps refilling them. God is that source of joy, and he promises to fill us with his Spirit. Psalm 23:5 (NIV) reminds us, You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.
This is an ideal image that we can strive for in our own lives. Imagine feeling giddy with joy, even while eating dinner with the person who hurts you the most. These verses sustain us when we are struggling, reminding us that God does not abandon us. His water pitcher is always full, and he keeps pouring until our cup overflows.
But notice that this verse doesn't say that we should make sure that we're sitting in the presense of our enemies at every meal. I can't think of a better way to destroy my joy than to force myself to spend all of my waking hours with people who would love to destroy me.
God calls us to do many things, and one that most people don't think about is that we are supposed to fiercely guard the Spirit that lives within us. St. Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (NIV):
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common"? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of the living God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from them and be separate," says the Lord. "Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters," says the Lord Almighty.
My life was once so joyless, I wanted to die. It wasn't until I realized that forcing myself to remain in relationship with unbelievers was draining all joy out of me. When I separated myself from them, I felt joy for the first time in decades.
Relationships with unbelievers can rob us of our joy.
Imagine if we each had a plastic cup for receiving a drink of water, but we cut the bottom out of it. That seems like a really dumb thing to do if we're thirsty, doesn't it?
But countless Christians are holding out their God-receiving cups with the bottoms cut out of them. God's pitcher keeps pouring in joy, but their life choices continue to destroy their ability to hold onto it.
Marriage seems to be a place where Christians haven't figured this out. They think that a relationship devoid of intimacy with an unbeliever is where they must remain, because they made a vow to God.
Please don't get me wrong here. I believe it is important to do what God tells us and to keep our promises. I hate divorce as much as the next person. But I don't believe that Christians who are married to unbelievers are supposed to martyr themselves over a marriage that is dead. These people are so devoid of joy, it breaks my heart.
They fail to see the harm that their spouse and their marriage is causing them. They don't understand that a neglectful or abusive spouse is an unfaithful spouse, whom Jesus tells us we may leave in Matthew 19:9 (NIV): I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, EXCEPT FOR MARITAL UNFAITHFULNESS, and marries another woman commits adultery.
Guilt-ridden, misinformed Christians read that line which tells them they will become adulterers if they divorce and remarry. What they miss is the phrase that comes in between: except for marital unfaithfulness. Emotional neglect or physical abuse are both forms of marital unfaithfulness. No Christian is expected to stay in a marriage with a spouse who is unfaithful. Period. They may choose to stay, but expecting to experience joy in the process is just not logical.
Many survivors of childhood abuse wind up in marriages with partners who emotionally neglect them or physically abuse them. The wounds of marital emotional neglect run much deeper than the scars of physical abuse. I know. I've been there. I would rather be beaten daily than neglected. Emotional neglect leaves us so drained of all joy that we can barely put one foot ahead of the next.
What is really sad is that these victims of marital neglect beat themselves up daily. They blame themselves for the marriage conflict, feel consumed by guilt for feeling angry about the situation which they believe God wants them to remain in, and struggle with perfectionism and control issues as they attempt to change their mates.
I lived like this for years in my first marriage, and I can honestly say that I was a shriveled-up sponge on a desert floor. There was no joy in anything, because my cup was empty, and my lifestyle just continued to drain away whatever joy God had to give.
Patch up your bottomless cup to find joy.
It is my opinion that the only way to restore our bottomless cup is to step back from a relationship that continues to eat away at our vessel. God has the ability to patch up any mistakes we've made along the way. And without that other person continually destroying our cup, God can refill it. When he does, look out!
For the first time, we understand what true joy really feels like. A cup filled to the brim and overflowing is evident in a person's life. He walks with a bounce in his step, whistles while he works, greets everyone with a broad smile, and laughs without reserve.
So, if we look like Eeyore and tell others that we're full of God's joy, we'd better prepare ourselves for a surprise. Somewhere along the way, a person with some guts will tell us that we're full of something else.
It wasn't until I quit lying to myself and to the world about being joyful that I was able to step out of that cup-destroying relationship and let God fill me up. Then, from a distance, I could see the truth about the realities of my broken marriage. God restored my cup, filled me with joy, and showed me the stupidity of dining regularly with my enemies. Today, I know what it feels likes to receive God's joy, to experience it with a husband and friends who love me deeply, and to share it with others. I pray that for you, too, dear reader.
Today's Challenge
God is our source of joy, but our relationships determine how easily we keep our cups full. If you're in a draining relationship, step back and figure out why you're allowing someone to cut the bottom out of your soul. Look at yourself and think about changing you, not the other person.
What is joy?
The dictionary defines joy as:
1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation;
2. a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated;
3. the expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety; and
4. a state of happiness or felicity.
These four definitions can help us understand that there are differences between the source of our joy, the emotion of joy that we experience, ways of expressing our joy, and a state of mental and spiritual contentment that comes when the first three are appropriately experienced.
Eeyore Christians
I get really tired of hearing other believers say with a deep sigh and furrowed brow, "I'm joyful." Their lives are a mess, often because their most important relationships are in crisis. They have become confused about feeling joy and receiving joy. They think that all they need to do is accept joy from God, and they will feel it in their broken relationships. This is a myth.
Our source of joy begins with God.
We will never find true joy in this lifetime if we don't have an intimate relationship with God. With that in place, we are capable of actually feeling joyful in our relationships with others. The only problem we run into is when we try to force ourselves into or to remain in relationships with people who are not helping us to maintain the joy that God gives us.
We can think of joy as water. God holds the water pitcher. We hold out our cups to him, and when they overflow, we can pour off some of our water into others' cups.If our cup is empty, we cannot refresh ourselves, nor can we pour one for others. All we can do is tip the cup and pour out nothing.
When we're dry to the bone due to a lack of joy that begins with God, our lives become a constant struggle. We cannot work on relationships, because we are so spiritually thirsty. Joy is as critical to survival as water, air, and food.
We can express and receive joy if we know where to pour it.
When we meet people who are bubbling over with joy, it is because they have been filled with God's Spirit. It is also because they have learned where to pour it.
Like our water pitcher image, their cups are brimming over, and the pitcher just keeps refilling them. God is that source of joy, and he promises to fill us with his Spirit. Psalm 23:5 (NIV) reminds us, You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.
This is an ideal image that we can strive for in our own lives. Imagine feeling giddy with joy, even while eating dinner with the person who hurts you the most. These verses sustain us when we are struggling, reminding us that God does not abandon us. His water pitcher is always full, and he keeps pouring until our cup overflows.
But notice that this verse doesn't say that we should make sure that we're sitting in the presense of our enemies at every meal. I can't think of a better way to destroy my joy than to force myself to spend all of my waking hours with people who would love to destroy me.
God calls us to do many things, and one that most people don't think about is that we are supposed to fiercely guard the Spirit that lives within us. St. Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (NIV):
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common"? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of the living God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from them and be separate," says the Lord. "Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters," says the Lord Almighty.
My life was once so joyless, I wanted to die. It wasn't until I realized that forcing myself to remain in relationship with unbelievers was draining all joy out of me. When I separated myself from them, I felt joy for the first time in decades.
Relationships with unbelievers can rob us of our joy.
Imagine if we each had a plastic cup for receiving a drink of water, but we cut the bottom out of it. That seems like a really dumb thing to do if we're thirsty, doesn't it?
But countless Christians are holding out their God-receiving cups with the bottoms cut out of them. God's pitcher keeps pouring in joy, but their life choices continue to destroy their ability to hold onto it.
Marriage seems to be a place where Christians haven't figured this out. They think that a relationship devoid of intimacy with an unbeliever is where they must remain, because they made a vow to God.
Please don't get me wrong here. I believe it is important to do what God tells us and to keep our promises. I hate divorce as much as the next person. But I don't believe that Christians who are married to unbelievers are supposed to martyr themselves over a marriage that is dead. These people are so devoid of joy, it breaks my heart.
They fail to see the harm that their spouse and their marriage is causing them. They don't understand that a neglectful or abusive spouse is an unfaithful spouse, whom Jesus tells us we may leave in Matthew 19:9 (NIV): I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, EXCEPT FOR MARITAL UNFAITHFULNESS, and marries another woman commits adultery.
Guilt-ridden, misinformed Christians read that line which tells them they will become adulterers if they divorce and remarry. What they miss is the phrase that comes in between: except for marital unfaithfulness. Emotional neglect or physical abuse are both forms of marital unfaithfulness. No Christian is expected to stay in a marriage with a spouse who is unfaithful. Period. They may choose to stay, but expecting to experience joy in the process is just not logical.
Many survivors of childhood abuse wind up in marriages with partners who emotionally neglect them or physically abuse them. The wounds of marital emotional neglect run much deeper than the scars of physical abuse. I know. I've been there. I would rather be beaten daily than neglected. Emotional neglect leaves us so drained of all joy that we can barely put one foot ahead of the next.
What is really sad is that these victims of marital neglect beat themselves up daily. They blame themselves for the marriage conflict, feel consumed by guilt for feeling angry about the situation which they believe God wants them to remain in, and struggle with perfectionism and control issues as they attempt to change their mates.
I lived like this for years in my first marriage, and I can honestly say that I was a shriveled-up sponge on a desert floor. There was no joy in anything, because my cup was empty, and my lifestyle just continued to drain away whatever joy God had to give.
Patch up your bottomless cup to find joy.
It is my opinion that the only way to restore our bottomless cup is to step back from a relationship that continues to eat away at our vessel. God has the ability to patch up any mistakes we've made along the way. And without that other person continually destroying our cup, God can refill it. When he does, look out!
For the first time, we understand what true joy really feels like. A cup filled to the brim and overflowing is evident in a person's life. He walks with a bounce in his step, whistles while he works, greets everyone with a broad smile, and laughs without reserve.
So, if we look like Eeyore and tell others that we're full of God's joy, we'd better prepare ourselves for a surprise. Somewhere along the way, a person with some guts will tell us that we're full of something else.
It wasn't until I quit lying to myself and to the world about being joyful that I was able to step out of that cup-destroying relationship and let God fill me up. Then, from a distance, I could see the truth about the realities of my broken marriage. God restored my cup, filled me with joy, and showed me the stupidity of dining regularly with my enemies. Today, I know what it feels likes to receive God's joy, to experience it with a husband and friends who love me deeply, and to share it with others. I pray that for you, too, dear reader.
Today's Challenge
God is our source of joy, but our relationships determine how easily we keep our cups full. If you're in a draining relationship, step back and figure out why you're allowing someone to cut the bottom out of your soul. Look at yourself and think about changing you, not the other person.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Love Your Neighbor As Yourself
This week, we have learned that God loves us so much that he gave up his only son to die for us. Therefore, we have good reason to love him in return for his graciousness to us. We are called to share that love with all people and to pray for those who have hurt us. Today, I would like to look at what it means to love our neighbors in my series, Thriving in God's Garden.
The Golden Rule
When a teacher of the law asked Jesus which commandment was the most important, this was his response. "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:29-31 NIV)
Love your neighbor as yourself has come to be known as The Golden Rule. There is no greater law that governs how people are supposed to treat one another. So what, exactly, does it mean to love our neighbors as ourselves?
Do you love yourself?
Many people who have suffered the trauma of childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence have very low opinions of themselves. They find it difficult to love themselves, because they either feel degraded and ashamed of themselves, or they have been brainwashed into believing that they are worthless. In order to love others, we must first learn to love ourselves.
This means that we actually accept the love that God has to offer. And when we reach out and take it from him, we love him back by changing the way we live. We give up habits that would make God feel unwelcome in our homes. And we turn away from any lifestyle that would harm our bodies. After all, God's Spirit lives inside of us when we become Christians, so we really need to keep ourselves pure.
Love people who aren't easy to love.
So, if we're behaving ourselves so that we can feel good about our lives, we can learn to share God's love with others. Most of us have no difficulty loving our children or our pets. Some have a little trouble loving spouses. Many of us struggle when it comes to loving certain neighbors, because they aren't exactly easy to love.
We used to have a neighbor who drank together with her adult children every night. While we were trying to sleep, the neighbors were shouting obscenities at one another and breaking beer bottles in their backyard. After many sleepless nights, Joe went to ask them to quiet down. That lasted about ten minutes.
The next night, we decided it was best to call the police. After a cop arrived to tell the neighbors to take their party inside, we could hear them bickering about who caused the problem and speculating that we were the people who had turned them in.
It was difficult to be pleasant to this woman, because she was drunk and surly at night and then withdrawn during the day. Nevertheless, we tried our best to be good neighbors to her. When I picked vegetables from the garden, I shared them with her. I baked cookies for her children and gave her books I had finished reading. I can't say that we ever became friends, but I tried my best to love my neighbor.
Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who needs to feel God's love? Perhaps there's a co-worker, a neighbor, a child down the block, or an elderly person who needs to feel a connection to God through you. Take time today to speak with that person, offer them a small gift, or do a chore for them. By loving someone else, you will find that you love yourself a little bit more in the process.
The Golden Rule
When a teacher of the law asked Jesus which commandment was the most important, this was his response. "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:29-31 NIV)
Love your neighbor as yourself has come to be known as The Golden Rule. There is no greater law that governs how people are supposed to treat one another. So what, exactly, does it mean to love our neighbors as ourselves?
Do you love yourself?
Many people who have suffered the trauma of childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence have very low opinions of themselves. They find it difficult to love themselves, because they either feel degraded and ashamed of themselves, or they have been brainwashed into believing that they are worthless. In order to love others, we must first learn to love ourselves.
This means that we actually accept the love that God has to offer. And when we reach out and take it from him, we love him back by changing the way we live. We give up habits that would make God feel unwelcome in our homes. And we turn away from any lifestyle that would harm our bodies. After all, God's Spirit lives inside of us when we become Christians, so we really need to keep ourselves pure.
Love people who aren't easy to love.
So, if we're behaving ourselves so that we can feel good about our lives, we can learn to share God's love with others. Most of us have no difficulty loving our children or our pets. Some have a little trouble loving spouses. Many of us struggle when it comes to loving certain neighbors, because they aren't exactly easy to love.
We used to have a neighbor who drank together with her adult children every night. While we were trying to sleep, the neighbors were shouting obscenities at one another and breaking beer bottles in their backyard. After many sleepless nights, Joe went to ask them to quiet down. That lasted about ten minutes.
The next night, we decided it was best to call the police. After a cop arrived to tell the neighbors to take their party inside, we could hear them bickering about who caused the problem and speculating that we were the people who had turned them in.
It was difficult to be pleasant to this woman, because she was drunk and surly at night and then withdrawn during the day. Nevertheless, we tried our best to be good neighbors to her. When I picked vegetables from the garden, I shared them with her. I baked cookies for her children and gave her books I had finished reading. I can't say that we ever became friends, but I tried my best to love my neighbor.
Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who needs to feel God's love? Perhaps there's a co-worker, a neighbor, a child down the block, or an elderly person who needs to feel a connection to God through you. Take time today to speak with that person, offer them a small gift, or do a chore for them. By loving someone else, you will find that you love yourself a little bit more in the process.
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