Today, we begin our series on forgiveness with more questions than answers. For the next 40 days, I will be posting on this topic Monday through Friday, with time off over the weekends to recharge my batteries. So, let's get started...
Why does God allow injustices such as childhood sexual abuse?
When people shatter our emotions and destroy our spirits with sexual abuse, it is difficult to understand why God allows such injustice. King David wrote in Psalm 82:2 (NIV): How long will you defend the unjust and show partiality to the wicked?
Who does God think he is, asking us to forgive criminals?
Before we can forgive, we must take a closer look at God's character. Understanding our creator helps us to see more clearly into his decrees for us to forgive. As part of this series, we will be learning about who our God is. And in doing so, we will begin to understand that the people who have hurt us were created in God's image, just as we were.
When is the time right for forgiving?
When we withhold forgiveness, we feel guilty. As Christians, we know that we are called to forgive. Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV) tells us: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Even though we know that we're supposed to forgive, we just can't do it right away. Why is that?
How can we expect both justice and forgiveness?
Our family has been turned upside-down by my father's sexual abuse of a number of us. In three weeks, he will be sentenced for one of those crimes. The judge wants the victims to help determine the punishment. This just makes us feel the guilt and shame of abuse all over again. How can we measure out a punishment, while extending forgiveness?
What are we supposed to do?
I have done a great deal of reading, attended countless hours of counseling, and asked a ton of questions. I still don't have all the answers to this prickly question of forgiving the people who have wounded us so deeply. I do, however, have some insights on the topic. Over the next 40 days, we'll be figuring out together what we must do to remove the roadblocks to forgiveness.
Give me your insights.
I need your help with this. Please send me your thoughts about why you believe it is so hard for survivors of abuse and trauma to forgive. Your comments can be made anonymously, and if you don't want them to be posted, I will keep them confidential. No comment ever gets published without my reading it and approving it first. So you don't need to be afraid that your personal information will be made public.
Forgiveness is a long journey, one with a destination that cannot be reached overnight. Thank you for traveling this road with me.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Empower Yourself by Empowering Others
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #64
Today is my final blog in this series based on Jack Canfield's Success Priniples. On January 31, I will begin a new series about forgiveness. I hope that you have found Jack's thoughts helpful, and I hope that you will stay with me as we continue on this journey together.
The greatest contribution we can make to the world is to fulfill the purpose God has given us. Helping others to do the same provides them with joy as they fulfill their God-given dreams. Jack Canfield has helped me to clarify my purpose and to take the action steps necessary to begin my journey. I will always be grateful for his wisdom.
Proverbs 3:13-18 (NIV) reminds me that gaining wisdom throughout our lives is important:
Blessed is the man who finds wisdom,
the man who gains understanding,
for she [wisdom] is more profitable than silver
and yields better returns than gold.
She is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are pleasant ways,
and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who embrace her;
those who lay hold of her wil be blessed.
One of the most powerful ways to gain wisdom is to teach it to others. If you would like to teach Jack Canfield's Success Principles to others, you can go to www.thesuccessprinciples.com to download a free study guide. By teaching others, you'll be helping yourself to stay the course along the way to fulfilling your own life purpose.
The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know. Come along with me next week in our discovery of God's wisdom about forgiveness.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Today is my final blog in this series based on Jack Canfield's Success Priniples. On January 31, I will begin a new series about forgiveness. I hope that you have found Jack's thoughts helpful, and I hope that you will stay with me as we continue on this journey together.
The greatest contribution we can make to the world is to fulfill the purpose God has given us. Helping others to do the same provides them with joy as they fulfill their God-given dreams. Jack Canfield has helped me to clarify my purpose and to take the action steps necessary to begin my journey. I will always be grateful for his wisdom.
Proverbs 3:13-18 (NIV) reminds me that gaining wisdom throughout our lives is important:
Blessed is the man who finds wisdom,
the man who gains understanding,
for she [wisdom] is more profitable than silver
and yields better returns than gold.
She is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are pleasant ways,
and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who embrace her;
those who lay hold of her wil be blessed.
One of the most powerful ways to gain wisdom is to teach it to others. If you would like to teach Jack Canfield's Success Principles to others, you can go to www.thesuccessprinciples.com to download a free study guide. By teaching others, you'll be helping yourself to stay the course along the way to fulfilling your own life purpose.
The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know. Come along with me next week in our discovery of God's wisdom about forgiveness.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Start Now and Just Do It!
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #63
We have only two days left in our lessons from Jack Canfield's book, The Success Principles. Beginning January 31, we will begin a new series on forgiveness.
Don't let your fears hold you back.
So many survivors of abuse and trauma let their fears hold them back, and they never even try to achieve their dreams. Oliver Wendell Holmes, former U.S. Supreme Court justice, wrote:
Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often, it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.
If we allow the fear that our abusers instilled in us or memories of traumatic events to hold us back, we may die without ever getting the chance to bless the world with our God-given gifts.
At this point, I have four books that are nearly complete. For a number of years, I have been editing them so that they will be ready for publication. The truth is, I've been over-working them, because I'm afraid to send them out there. I hate the rejection letters, and it's safer to just keep working on them than to admit that I'm afraid.
The problem with this habit is that I'm preventing my readers from receiving the blessings that God wants them to have through my writing. I've learned so much about thriving after life kicks us in the teeth; and by sitting on my work, I'm preventing someone else from achieving their dreams.
Satan uses fear to keep us from sharing the love of Christ with others. What fears are holding you back?
Take the first step.
An ancient Chinese proverb says,
A journey of 1,000 miles must begin with one step.
I didn't learn how to write overnight. It began with taking the first step of choosing a creative writing class in high school. To date, I have published hundreds of articles and several books. My success began with that first step.
Anyone can succeed at life, but they must take the first step. What are you waiting for?
Fail forward.
Sometimes, we need to take a class or attend a workshop to learn some new skills. But in reality, all of life is a classroom, where we are constantly learning how to do things better. Some of the most important things we need to know can't be learned in a classroom or perfected at seminars. We have to get out there and just try. When we fail, we can ask for feedback, go back, and try again.
Believe it or not, our abuse or trauma has probably taught us more than we have ever learned in school. We know how to comfort someone who is suffering, because we have experienced that same comfort through God's love when we were hurting. My favorite Bible verse comes from 2 Corinthians 1:3-5:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
Are you waiting to learn something new before you can achieve your dreams? Is it possible that you already have the skills to become successful? Are you willing to fail, get feedback, and try again?
Keep trying.
The apostle Paul wrote about the need for perseverance in our faith walk, and I believe this passage is an excellent one for those of us who are afraid to fail at life. He wrote,
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with peseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1b)
God has marked out a race for each one of us by giving us a purpose. It's up to us to start running along that path. On the way, we'll bless others, and when we arrive at the end of our lives, we will reach a lovely new beginning.
What is keeping you from achieving God's plan for your life? If you know what it is, why aren't you running the race?
Unforeseen opportunities grow out of your forward motion.
Buckminster Fuller, a scientist and philosopher, wrote about something he calls precessional effects. They are the outcomes of our forward motion as we strive to serve humanity.
To better understand this concept, he explains that a honeybee's primary purpose in life is to gather nectar. As he flies from flower to flower, he is unwittingly involved in a much bigger plan: he is cross-pollinating all of the rooted botanicals that he touches.
As we move forward toward our goals, we create these same types of precessional effects. I never dreamed when I began writing that I would eventually become the editor of a pharmaceutical journal or the ghost-writer of an evangelst's biography. These effects simply occurred, because I saw myself as a writer and kept moving ahead.
Are you creating precessional effects? Or are you sitting still, paralyzed by fears that are preventing you from blessing others?
Today's Challenge
Many people have no clue about how to achieve their dreams. We have learned from one of the best success coaches in the world how to get from where we are today to where we want to be tomorrow. The key to overcoming our abusive or traumatic past is to put what we have learned about our life's purpose into action.
Start today by going back through my blog posts and working through each principle one at a time, in the order that they were presented. Of all the principles we've learned, I believe one of the most important is to create a goals book. It's exciting to review our goals and action plans daily and to see that we are actually making progress toward our dreams.
You can succeed, but you've got to get started. And you must keep on until you've reached your goals. Imagine the joy you will feel when you arrive at the end of your life, and Jesus says, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Now get out there and just do it!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
We have only two days left in our lessons from Jack Canfield's book, The Success Principles. Beginning January 31, we will begin a new series on forgiveness.
Don't let your fears hold you back.
So many survivors of abuse and trauma let their fears hold them back, and they never even try to achieve their dreams. Oliver Wendell Holmes, former U.S. Supreme Court justice, wrote:
Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often, it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.
If we allow the fear that our abusers instilled in us or memories of traumatic events to hold us back, we may die without ever getting the chance to bless the world with our God-given gifts.
At this point, I have four books that are nearly complete. For a number of years, I have been editing them so that they will be ready for publication. The truth is, I've been over-working them, because I'm afraid to send them out there. I hate the rejection letters, and it's safer to just keep working on them than to admit that I'm afraid.
The problem with this habit is that I'm preventing my readers from receiving the blessings that God wants them to have through my writing. I've learned so much about thriving after life kicks us in the teeth; and by sitting on my work, I'm preventing someone else from achieving their dreams.
Satan uses fear to keep us from sharing the love of Christ with others. What fears are holding you back?
Take the first step.
An ancient Chinese proverb says,
A journey of 1,000 miles must begin with one step.
I didn't learn how to write overnight. It began with taking the first step of choosing a creative writing class in high school. To date, I have published hundreds of articles and several books. My success began with that first step.
Anyone can succeed at life, but they must take the first step. What are you waiting for?
Fail forward.
Sometimes, we need to take a class or attend a workshop to learn some new skills. But in reality, all of life is a classroom, where we are constantly learning how to do things better. Some of the most important things we need to know can't be learned in a classroom or perfected at seminars. We have to get out there and just try. When we fail, we can ask for feedback, go back, and try again.
Believe it or not, our abuse or trauma has probably taught us more than we have ever learned in school. We know how to comfort someone who is suffering, because we have experienced that same comfort through God's love when we were hurting. My favorite Bible verse comes from 2 Corinthians 1:3-5:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
Are you waiting to learn something new before you can achieve your dreams? Is it possible that you already have the skills to become successful? Are you willing to fail, get feedback, and try again?
Keep trying.
The apostle Paul wrote about the need for perseverance in our faith walk, and I believe this passage is an excellent one for those of us who are afraid to fail at life. He wrote,
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with peseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1b)
God has marked out a race for each one of us by giving us a purpose. It's up to us to start running along that path. On the way, we'll bless others, and when we arrive at the end of our lives, we will reach a lovely new beginning.
What is keeping you from achieving God's plan for your life? If you know what it is, why aren't you running the race?
Unforeseen opportunities grow out of your forward motion.
Buckminster Fuller, a scientist and philosopher, wrote about something he calls precessional effects. They are the outcomes of our forward motion as we strive to serve humanity.
To better understand this concept, he explains that a honeybee's primary purpose in life is to gather nectar. As he flies from flower to flower, he is unwittingly involved in a much bigger plan: he is cross-pollinating all of the rooted botanicals that he touches.
As we move forward toward our goals, we create these same types of precessional effects. I never dreamed when I began writing that I would eventually become the editor of a pharmaceutical journal or the ghost-writer of an evangelst's biography. These effects simply occurred, because I saw myself as a writer and kept moving ahead.
Are you creating precessional effects? Or are you sitting still, paralyzed by fears that are preventing you from blessing others?
Today's Challenge
Many people have no clue about how to achieve their dreams. We have learned from one of the best success coaches in the world how to get from where we are today to where we want to be tomorrow. The key to overcoming our abusive or traumatic past is to put what we have learned about our life's purpose into action.
Start today by going back through my blog posts and working through each principle one at a time, in the order that they were presented. Of all the principles we've learned, I believe one of the most important is to create a goals book. It's exciting to review our goals and action plans daily and to see that we are actually making progress toward our dreams.
You can succeed, but you've got to get started. And you must keep on until you've reached your goals. Imagine the joy you will feel when you arrive at the end of your life, and Jesus says, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Now get out there and just do it!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Find a Way to Serve
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #62
When we volunteer, we receive far more than we give. We find inner joy by serving others, as well as some other benefits that Jack identifies.
Volunteerism pays off.
Research on volunteerism shows that people who give their time to others live longer, have stronger immune systems, suffer fewer heart attacks, recover more quickly from heart attacks, have higher self-esteem, and enjoy a deeper sense of purpose than people who don't volunteer.
People who volunteer when they're young are more likely to end up in higher-paying jobs than their counterparts. Employers report that they often look to see if job candidates have engaged in volunteer work before hiring them. In addition, networking during volunteer time frequently leads to unexpected career opportunities.
By volunteering, we can learn success skills that we wouldn't ordinarily acquire. Some employers, such as SAFECO and Pillsbury, actually build volunteerism into their employee development programs.
For many years, I volunteered at our public and school libraries. Without realizing it, I was preparing myself for a great deal of the research that I now do as a writer.
Volunteer to match your purpose.
When we volunteer, it's important to serve people we feel passionate about. I have very little in common with basketball players, so volunteering to help with a youth basketball team wouldn't do much for me or the kids.
I love to sew, therefore I volunteer my time to lead a quilting group at my church. We give the finished quilts to terminally ill patients at the hospital. Our group uses Scripture from 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV) to encourage patients and their families:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.l For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
For those of us who have survived incest, abuse, or trauma, there are countless opportunities to help others who have been victims. Sometimes, it's hard to understand why God allowed us to suffer as we did. But by serving other survivors, we can bring some sense to our own pain. We can look at our experiences as preparation for helping others to thrive. By learning to share the comfort that we have already received from God, we bring meaning to our own suffering.
How much time should we volunteer?
We were members of Southeast Christian Church while Joe was attending seminary. Their slogan for personal growth was 1-1-1: one hour of worship, one hour of Bible study, and one hour of service per week. This was suggested as a starting place for new members. Remember from yesterday's lesson that we should ideally be giving ten percent of our time, as well as our money to others in need.
Today's Challenge
There are many nonprofit organizations that can use your skills. Make a list of people you would enjoy helping, places you would like to serve, and skills that you can offer. Figure out how to serve for just one hour this week, and build your volunteerism from there.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
When we volunteer, we receive far more than we give. We find inner joy by serving others, as well as some other benefits that Jack identifies.
Volunteerism pays off.
Research on volunteerism shows that people who give their time to others live longer, have stronger immune systems, suffer fewer heart attacks, recover more quickly from heart attacks, have higher self-esteem, and enjoy a deeper sense of purpose than people who don't volunteer.
People who volunteer when they're young are more likely to end up in higher-paying jobs than their counterparts. Employers report that they often look to see if job candidates have engaged in volunteer work before hiring them. In addition, networking during volunteer time frequently leads to unexpected career opportunities.
By volunteering, we can learn success skills that we wouldn't ordinarily acquire. Some employers, such as SAFECO and Pillsbury, actually build volunteerism into their employee development programs.
For many years, I volunteered at our public and school libraries. Without realizing it, I was preparing myself for a great deal of the research that I now do as a writer.
Volunteer to match your purpose.
When we volunteer, it's important to serve people we feel passionate about. I have very little in common with basketball players, so volunteering to help with a youth basketball team wouldn't do much for me or the kids.
I love to sew, therefore I volunteer my time to lead a quilting group at my church. We give the finished quilts to terminally ill patients at the hospital. Our group uses Scripture from 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV) to encourage patients and their families:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.l For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
For those of us who have survived incest, abuse, or trauma, there are countless opportunities to help others who have been victims. Sometimes, it's hard to understand why God allowed us to suffer as we did. But by serving other survivors, we can bring some sense to our own pain. We can look at our experiences as preparation for helping others to thrive. By learning to share the comfort that we have already received from God, we bring meaning to our own suffering.
How much time should we volunteer?
We were members of Southeast Christian Church while Joe was attending seminary. Their slogan for personal growth was 1-1-1: one hour of worship, one hour of Bible study, and one hour of service per week. This was suggested as a starting place for new members. Remember from yesterday's lesson that we should ideally be giving ten percent of our time, as well as our money to others in need.
Today's Challenge
There are many nonprofit organizations that can use your skills. Make a list of people you would enjoy helping, places you would like to serve, and skills that you can offer. Figure out how to serve for just one hour this week, and build your volunteerism from there.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Give More to Get More
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #61
Jack writes some things in today's lesson that really bother me. In the first paragraph, he says, "By tithing regularly, you, too, can put into motion God's universal force, bringing you continual abundance." My concern is that many readers may misunderstand that this means tithing will guarantee monetary success. Jack actually writes that tithing "is one of the best guarantees of prosperity ever known."
What is tithing?
The Bible clearly spells out what tithing is. Leviticus 27:30 (NIV) reads, A tithe (tenth) of everything from the land, whether grain from the soil or fruit from the trees, belongs to the Lord; it is holy to the Lord.
If it weren't for God, we would have nothing. When we fail to give back to him our tithe, we are, in essence, robbing God.
Malachi 3:10 (MSG) was written to the Israelites at a time when they were holding back their tithes. It reads:
Begin by being honest. Do honest people rob God? But you rob me day after day. "You ask, 'How have we robbed you?' "The tithe and the offering—that's how! And now you're under a curse —the whole lot of you—because you're robbing me. Bring your full tithe to the Temple treasury so there will be ample provisions in my Temple. Test me in this and see if I don't open up heaven itself to you and pour out blessings beyond your wildest dreams. For my part, I will defend you against marauders, protect your wheat fields and vegetable gardens against plunderers."
If we are in a relationship with God, our love for him ought to compel us to give more than ten percent to his work. The way I look at it, the tithe is just the beginning. If I could give fifty percent, I would.
Why can't I bring myself to tithe?
As an abuse survivor, I have sometimes experienced difficulty with tithing, because it meant that I was giving up control of the one part of my life that I thought I could manage. God's laughing his head off over that statement, I'm sure!
We may have trouble trusting God, because our earthly parents did not provide for us. We see our money as our own...a means to keep ourselves safe from harm. Letting go of just ten percent of our earnings may stir up feelings of fear.
It is true that God promises blessings to those who release their hold on their tithes. But those blessings may not necessarily come in the form of millions of dollars. They may come to us as friendships, respect, peace, and joy. If we are giving from the love God has placed in our hearts, the peace we get in return for giving is immeasurable.
Practice two types of tithing.
There are two types of tithing: giving of our money; and giving of our time. The closer we grow in relationship with God, the more we want to give back to him. Just writing a check to the church or a charity isn't enough. We want to volunteer as much of our free time as we can to serve others. That's because God's love can't be contained within us. The more we receive, the more we feel compelled to give.
Today's Challenge
Examine your budget and calendar. Consider how much of your money and time are going toward God's work. Are you giving him what he deserves? Or are you robbing him? If you can't bring yourself to tithe, consider your view of God and your relationship with him. Do you need to surrender control over this part of your life to him? Can you trust him to provide if you let go of ten percent?
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Jack writes some things in today's lesson that really bother me. In the first paragraph, he says, "By tithing regularly, you, too, can put into motion God's universal force, bringing you continual abundance." My concern is that many readers may misunderstand that this means tithing will guarantee monetary success. Jack actually writes that tithing "is one of the best guarantees of prosperity ever known."
What is tithing?
The Bible clearly spells out what tithing is. Leviticus 27:30 (NIV) reads, A tithe (tenth) of everything from the land, whether grain from the soil or fruit from the trees, belongs to the Lord; it is holy to the Lord.
If it weren't for God, we would have nothing. When we fail to give back to him our tithe, we are, in essence, robbing God.
Malachi 3:10 (MSG) was written to the Israelites at a time when they were holding back their tithes. It reads:
Begin by being honest. Do honest people rob God? But you rob me day after day. "You ask, 'How have we robbed you?' "The tithe and the offering—that's how! And now you're under a curse —the whole lot of you—because you're robbing me. Bring your full tithe to the Temple treasury so there will be ample provisions in my Temple. Test me in this and see if I don't open up heaven itself to you and pour out blessings beyond your wildest dreams. For my part, I will defend you against marauders, protect your wheat fields and vegetable gardens against plunderers."
If we are in a relationship with God, our love for him ought to compel us to give more than ten percent to his work. The way I look at it, the tithe is just the beginning. If I could give fifty percent, I would.
Why can't I bring myself to tithe?
As an abuse survivor, I have sometimes experienced difficulty with tithing, because it meant that I was giving up control of the one part of my life that I thought I could manage. God's laughing his head off over that statement, I'm sure!
We may have trouble trusting God, because our earthly parents did not provide for us. We see our money as our own...a means to keep ourselves safe from harm. Letting go of just ten percent of our earnings may stir up feelings of fear.
It is true that God promises blessings to those who release their hold on their tithes. But those blessings may not necessarily come in the form of millions of dollars. They may come to us as friendships, respect, peace, and joy. If we are giving from the love God has placed in our hearts, the peace we get in return for giving is immeasurable.
Practice two types of tithing.
There are two types of tithing: giving of our money; and giving of our time. The closer we grow in relationship with God, the more we want to give back to him. Just writing a check to the church or a charity isn't enough. We want to volunteer as much of our free time as we can to serve others. That's because God's love can't be contained within us. The more we receive, the more we feel compelled to give.
Today's Challenge
Examine your budget and calendar. Consider how much of your money and time are going toward God's work. Are you giving him what he deserves? Or are you robbing him? If you can't bring yourself to tithe, consider your view of God and your relationship with him. Do you need to surrender control over this part of your life to him? Can you trust him to provide if you let go of ten percent?
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Monday, January 24, 2011
To Spend More, First Make More
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #60
If we're going to overcome as survivors of abuse or trauma, we must work hard to first provide for our basic needs. When we're no longer worrying about physical or financial survival, we can focus on learning ways to thrive emotionally and spiritually.
Jack believes that there are two ways to have more: spend less on mundane things to save for what we want; or earn more to begin with. I think that doing both is a good idea.
Figure out how to make more money.
Before we can begin making more money, we must set a goal that spells out exactly how much we need. Remember, we must have goals that we turn into affirmations on index cards or in a goals book if we want to achieve our dreams.
Jack provides five ideas for making more money, as follows:
1) Become an intrapraneur.
By definition, an intrapraneur is an entrepreneur who gets hired by his or her own company to fill a niche that the company can't. Obviously, to do this, we must first be employed.
In my opinion, following this tactic of becoming an intrapraneur would more likely net us a nice raise or a promotion, rather than a new stream of income. We would have a better chance if we figured out what our company isn't doing well and then start our own entrepreneurship to fill that need.
2) Find a need and fill it.
Thomas Edison said, "I find out what the world needs, then I proceed to invent." There are unmet needs all around us, and if we're creative, we can find ways to make money from them.
When I was studying interior design, I kept hearing from everyone in the business, "Good luck finding someone to make window treatments!" At that time, there were very few drapery workrooms and few choices in ready-mades.
I decided to specialize in window treatment design by opening my own drapery workroom. Word got out that I could design and fabricate custom window treatments, so designers began hiring me to handle tasks that most of them knew little about. They were relieved, and I was making great money doing something that I loved.
We can look around and think about something that needs to be provided, solved, addressed or eliminated. Our aging population and single parents have needs that go unmet every day. If we ask what's missing, we will find a way to make people's lives easier or more fulfilling.
3) Think outside the box.
Sometimes there's a need that is partially being met, but we can think of ways to do it better. If we think outside the box, we can come up with solutions that pay off great benefits.
When my son was in public school, he was not learning as one would expect. By the time he got to fifth grade, he could barely read. I spent a fortune on private schools for a few years, but I wasn't seeing much improvement.
Twenty years ago, home schooling was considered radical. In the state where we lived, it was barely legal. Considering home schooling was outside-of-the-box thinking, but I finally decided that it was what my son needed.
Within a year, he was reading at the level of an eleventh-grader. While I wasn't getting rich through home schooling, the benefits were outstanding. I saved a lot of tution money that was being wasted, and my son grew up knowing how to learn.
We can all see ways of improving things if we look around us. There are gaps in services everywhere, and by thinking outside the box, we can make or save money by doing things better.
4) Start a business on the Internet.
In today's market, anyone can start up a small business on the Internet, even if they've already got a job. We can fill the needs of very narrow markets by reaching millions of shoppers worldwide.
I recently set up an internet business to sell quilts. With the help of the Small Business Development Center director, I managed to get myself online within about a week. It cost me $25 for a vendor's license and a few hundred dollars worth of materials.
You can see the results of my Internet efforts by looking online at www.etsy.com/shop/hopequiltsofohio. For help with your own business set-up, go to www.sba.gov/sbdc.
5) Join a network marketing company.
There are thousands of companies that sell their products through network marketing. I've been involved in several of them, without great success. I do believe it's possible to make a good deal of money this way by selling vitamins, cosmetics, and so on; but I don't believe I was very good at it, because it wasn't my purpose. Unless we feel passionate about what we're selling, we can't usually sustain the effort.
Ecclesiastes 5:18 (NIV) reads, Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun druing the few days of life God has given him--for this is his lot. If we're going to choose extra work for ourselves, we should make sure it's something we enjoy.
Create multiple sources of income.
Of all the advice on financial success in this book, I believe this is the smartest tip. Too many of us have placed all of our faith in our jobs. When we get laid off, our health fails, or our job gets eliminated, where does that leave us? If we have multiple sources of income, we can create economic security.
While building multiple sources of income, it's important to look for business opportunities that require very little time and money. No matter what we decide to do, our extra work must match our purpose if we want to succeed at it.
Today's Challenge
Brainstorm ways to earn more income, using Jack's five suggestions above. Write them down and begin exploring the one or two that feel right for you. Remember to pursue the ideas that are in alignment with your purpose.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
If we're going to overcome as survivors of abuse or trauma, we must work hard to first provide for our basic needs. When we're no longer worrying about physical or financial survival, we can focus on learning ways to thrive emotionally and spiritually.
Jack believes that there are two ways to have more: spend less on mundane things to save for what we want; or earn more to begin with. I think that doing both is a good idea.
Figure out how to make more money.
Before we can begin making more money, we must set a goal that spells out exactly how much we need. Remember, we must have goals that we turn into affirmations on index cards or in a goals book if we want to achieve our dreams.
Jack provides five ideas for making more money, as follows:
1) Become an intrapraneur.
By definition, an intrapraneur is an entrepreneur who gets hired by his or her own company to fill a niche that the company can't. Obviously, to do this, we must first be employed.
In my opinion, following this tactic of becoming an intrapraneur would more likely net us a nice raise or a promotion, rather than a new stream of income. We would have a better chance if we figured out what our company isn't doing well and then start our own entrepreneurship to fill that need.
2) Find a need and fill it.
Thomas Edison said, "I find out what the world needs, then I proceed to invent." There are unmet needs all around us, and if we're creative, we can find ways to make money from them.
When I was studying interior design, I kept hearing from everyone in the business, "Good luck finding someone to make window treatments!" At that time, there were very few drapery workrooms and few choices in ready-mades.
I decided to specialize in window treatment design by opening my own drapery workroom. Word got out that I could design and fabricate custom window treatments, so designers began hiring me to handle tasks that most of them knew little about. They were relieved, and I was making great money doing something that I loved.
We can look around and think about something that needs to be provided, solved, addressed or eliminated. Our aging population and single parents have needs that go unmet every day. If we ask what's missing, we will find a way to make people's lives easier or more fulfilling.
3) Think outside the box.
Sometimes there's a need that is partially being met, but we can think of ways to do it better. If we think outside the box, we can come up with solutions that pay off great benefits.
When my son was in public school, he was not learning as one would expect. By the time he got to fifth grade, he could barely read. I spent a fortune on private schools for a few years, but I wasn't seeing much improvement.
Twenty years ago, home schooling was considered radical. In the state where we lived, it was barely legal. Considering home schooling was outside-of-the-box thinking, but I finally decided that it was what my son needed.
Within a year, he was reading at the level of an eleventh-grader. While I wasn't getting rich through home schooling, the benefits were outstanding. I saved a lot of tution money that was being wasted, and my son grew up knowing how to learn.
We can all see ways of improving things if we look around us. There are gaps in services everywhere, and by thinking outside the box, we can make or save money by doing things better.
4) Start a business on the Internet.
In today's market, anyone can start up a small business on the Internet, even if they've already got a job. We can fill the needs of very narrow markets by reaching millions of shoppers worldwide.
I recently set up an internet business to sell quilts. With the help of the Small Business Development Center director, I managed to get myself online within about a week. It cost me $25 for a vendor's license and a few hundred dollars worth of materials.
You can see the results of my Internet efforts by looking online at www.etsy.com/shop/hopequiltsofohio. For help with your own business set-up, go to www.sba.gov/sbdc.
5) Join a network marketing company.
There are thousands of companies that sell their products through network marketing. I've been involved in several of them, without great success. I do believe it's possible to make a good deal of money this way by selling vitamins, cosmetics, and so on; but I don't believe I was very good at it, because it wasn't my purpose. Unless we feel passionate about what we're selling, we can't usually sustain the effort.
Ecclesiastes 5:18 (NIV) reads, Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun druing the few days of life God has given him--for this is his lot. If we're going to choose extra work for ourselves, we should make sure it's something we enjoy.
Create multiple sources of income.
Of all the advice on financial success in this book, I believe this is the smartest tip. Too many of us have placed all of our faith in our jobs. When we get laid off, our health fails, or our job gets eliminated, where does that leave us? If we have multiple sources of income, we can create economic security.
While building multiple sources of income, it's important to look for business opportunities that require very little time and money. No matter what we decide to do, our extra work must match our purpose if we want to succeed at it.
Today's Challenge
Brainstorm ways to earn more income, using Jack's five suggestions above. Write them down and begin exploring the one or two that feel right for you. Remember to pursue the ideas that are in alignment with your purpose.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Friday, January 21, 2011
Master the Spending Game
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #59
Spending too much can prevent us from achieving financial success. When our debts outweigh our savings, our focus turns to consumption, rather than wealth. Today, Jack provides some helpful tips for mastering our spending.
Keep track of expenses.
Recording every purchase in a notebook or on the computer for one month can be eye-opening. We may not think we're over-spending, but this may reveal something surprising.
Joe and I did this a few years ago, and we discovered that we were spending a fortune on fast food and restaurants. While a dash through the drive-up window or Starbucks may not seem like a big purchase, all those little receipts can really add up over the course of a month, a year, or a lifetime.
Start paying cash for everything.
If we pay cash for everything, we become far more aware of the limitations of our stash. A debit card or credit card causes most people to overspend, because they have no clue what their balances are.
Joe and I began using Dave Ramsey's envelope system two years ago. It has given us control over our spending like nothing else has. The system is simple. Using My Total Money Makeover online, we figured out how much we make and budgeted how much we wanted to spend. Then, we created an envelope for each expense category, such as groceries and gas.
Now, I go to the bank once every week with a check made out for the amount of cash that we will need. The cash goes into each category's envelope. If an opportunity to spend money comes up, and there's no cash in the envelope, we don't buy at that point.
Reduce the cost of your lifestyle.
We can live the type of lifestyle that we desire without paying top dollar for it. I recently bought some beautiful designer clothes at a Goodwill Boutique. It's a second-hand shop that specializes in upscale goods. Our daughter goes to the opera, the ballet, and off-Broadway shows for just a few dollars with an Enjoy the Arts card that she paid $35 to obtain. We can all save more by shopping for discounts, using coupons, and buying many things second-hand.
Take steps now to become debt-free.
Jack suggests the following five steps for getting out of debt:
1) Stop borrowing money.
2) Don't take out a home equity loan to pay off credit card debt.
3) Pay off your smallest debts first.
4) Slowly increase your debt payments.
5) Pay off your home mortgage early.
Cutting up every single credit card is crucial to getting out of debt. At the same time, saving for emergencies is a necessity. Otherwise, every time the furnace breaks or the car needs repairs, there is no cash on hand.
Dave Ramsey makes these same suggestions for reducing debt, but he recommends taking on an additional part-time job and creating what he calls a Debt Snowball.
We have been using the extra income Joe makes from a part-time job to pay off debts. With each small debt paid off, we take that payment and add it to what we've been paying to reduce the next bigger debt. In this way, the amount of money snowballs, until the cash available for debt pay-down is huge. We aren't quite finished, but we're getting close to living debt-free.
As I mentioned yesterday, Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University is a great place to learn money management. Dave makes all of these suggestions and more. You can find a financial coach or class near you by going to www.mytotalmoneymakeover.com.
As with any lifestyle change, money management adjustments take perseverance. James 1: 12 (NIV) reminds us, Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. Having financial security is a blessing, and one that is worth pursuing in our quest to thrive.
Today's Challenge
Buy a notebook or set up a computer file to track every single expenditure. Begin noting everything that you spend money on, no matter how small it is. Save your receipts throughout the day and record them every night. Don't wait until the end of a month to write down the expenditures. This will only leave you feeling overwhelmed. Pray for God's guidance as you work hard to reduce your debts to achieve financial peace.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Spending too much can prevent us from achieving financial success. When our debts outweigh our savings, our focus turns to consumption, rather than wealth. Today, Jack provides some helpful tips for mastering our spending.
Keep track of expenses.
Recording every purchase in a notebook or on the computer for one month can be eye-opening. We may not think we're over-spending, but this may reveal something surprising.
Joe and I did this a few years ago, and we discovered that we were spending a fortune on fast food and restaurants. While a dash through the drive-up window or Starbucks may not seem like a big purchase, all those little receipts can really add up over the course of a month, a year, or a lifetime.
Start paying cash for everything.
If we pay cash for everything, we become far more aware of the limitations of our stash. A debit card or credit card causes most people to overspend, because they have no clue what their balances are.
Joe and I began using Dave Ramsey's envelope system two years ago. It has given us control over our spending like nothing else has. The system is simple. Using My Total Money Makeover online, we figured out how much we make and budgeted how much we wanted to spend. Then, we created an envelope for each expense category, such as groceries and gas.
Now, I go to the bank once every week with a check made out for the amount of cash that we will need. The cash goes into each category's envelope. If an opportunity to spend money comes up, and there's no cash in the envelope, we don't buy at that point.
Reduce the cost of your lifestyle.
We can live the type of lifestyle that we desire without paying top dollar for it. I recently bought some beautiful designer clothes at a Goodwill Boutique. It's a second-hand shop that specializes in upscale goods. Our daughter goes to the opera, the ballet, and off-Broadway shows for just a few dollars with an Enjoy the Arts card that she paid $35 to obtain. We can all save more by shopping for discounts, using coupons, and buying many things second-hand.
Take steps now to become debt-free.
Jack suggests the following five steps for getting out of debt:
1) Stop borrowing money.
2) Don't take out a home equity loan to pay off credit card debt.
3) Pay off your smallest debts first.
4) Slowly increase your debt payments.
5) Pay off your home mortgage early.
Cutting up every single credit card is crucial to getting out of debt. At the same time, saving for emergencies is a necessity. Otherwise, every time the furnace breaks or the car needs repairs, there is no cash on hand.
Dave Ramsey makes these same suggestions for reducing debt, but he recommends taking on an additional part-time job and creating what he calls a Debt Snowball.
We have been using the extra income Joe makes from a part-time job to pay off debts. With each small debt paid off, we take that payment and add it to what we've been paying to reduce the next bigger debt. In this way, the amount of money snowballs, until the cash available for debt pay-down is huge. We aren't quite finished, but we're getting close to living debt-free.
As I mentioned yesterday, Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University is a great place to learn money management. Dave makes all of these suggestions and more. You can find a financial coach or class near you by going to www.mytotalmoneymakeover.com.
As with any lifestyle change, money management adjustments take perseverance. James 1: 12 (NIV) reminds us, Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. Having financial security is a blessing, and one that is worth pursuing in our quest to thrive.
Today's Challenge
Buy a notebook or set up a computer file to track every single expenditure. Begin noting everything that you spend money on, no matter how small it is. Save your receipts throughout the day and record them every night. Don't wait until the end of a month to write down the expenditures. This will only leave you feeling overwhelmed. Pray for God's guidance as you work hard to reduce your debts to achieve financial peace.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Pay Yourself First
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #58
We're in the home stretch...only seven more days remaining in our discussion of Jack Canfield's Success Principles. Today, we learn about the importance of paying ourselves before paying anyone else, because our financial success contributes to our ability to thrive.
Start saving early.
Albert Einstein once said, Compound interest is the eighth natural wonder of the world and the most perfect thing I have ever encountered. That's quite a statement coming from the genius who discovered the law of relativity.
Jesus taught a parable about the kingdom of heaven in Matthew chapter 15, comparing the outcome of our Christian service to that of financial guardians of his day who invested their master's money. It clearly shows that the wise servant invests his money to earn interest, and the foolish servant buries his in the earth. Even in Jesus' time, people understood the power of compounding interest.
The sooner we start saving, the easier it is to become wealthy. If Mary invests $150 per month from age 25 to 35 and then stops, she will have invested $18,000, which will grow at 8% interest to $283,385 by the time she retires at age 65.
By contrast, if Tom invests $150 per month from age 35 to 65, he will have invested $54,000 and will only earn $220,233 by the time he retires at 65. The sooner we start saving, the greater our compounded interest will be.
Make saving a priority.
The goal of saving is to become financially independent. This means that we could live off of nothing but the interest we earn on our investments. By methodically saving 10 to 15% of our income, we can discipline ourselves to begin building our fortune. We also force ourselves to earn more if we want to do or have more.
If we can't find ways to cut the budget so that we can afford to save 10 to 15%, we can start with as little as 1% of our income. The habit of saving develops each time we practice it. Eventually, we'll be able to save more if we work at it.
Become an automatic millionaire.
Few people are able to discipline themselves to save without automatic deductions. We can arrange for our employers to automatically place money from our paychecks into our savings accounts. If we arrange to have our money placed into a retirement fund, we don't have to pay taxes right now on this savings.
Some companies, like the hospital Joe works for, offer matching contributions. If Joe puts in 10% of his income each pay period, the hospital puts in 5%. Get on board with this today if your company offers it. It's free money being given away to people who are smart enough to grab it!
Follow the 50/50 law.
John Demartini is a chiropractor who now conducts seminars on building wealth. He created the 50/50 law, which means that we never spend more than we save. I think this is a brilliant idea.
Let's say that I want to buy Joe a boat for his birthday. It costs $10,000. If I can't put $10,000 into savings first, and then set aside another $10,000 for the boat, I don't buy it. The key here is that we don't raise our lifestyle until we have earned the right to have it.
Build assets, not liabilities.
Robert Kyosaki wrote the book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Our son recommended it to us several years ago, and we were impressed with the insights of the author. One of his most important points is that we must build assets, not liabilities.
One way to think about this is to consider the purchase of a home. Many people believe this is an asset, but it's not, according to Kyosaki. An asset is something that puts money into your pocket. I don't know about your house, but mine sure takes out a lot more than it puts in!
Assets that put money into our pockets are things, such as investment real estate (rental properties), small businesses, stocks, bonds, gold, and so on. If we want to become rich, we put our money in these things first. Only when they are generating enough income to support us and our purchases do we buy things such as homes and cars.
Hire a financial planner.
After our nest egg begins to grow, it's important to hire a financial planner to help us invest it. To illustrate the importance of investing our money and not just stashing it under the mattress, Jack tells the story of Oseola McCarty of Hattiesburg, Mississippi.
Oseola dropped out of school in the sixth grade to wash and iron other people's clothes. For 75 years, she worked and saved. In 1995, she donated $150,000 of her $250,000 savings to the University of Southern Mississippi. If Oseola had invested her $50,000 in 1965 to earn about 10% interest per year, she would have had just shy of $1 million--four times what she saved!
Protect what's yours.
In this day and age when people are swift to sue, it's important to protect our assets with adequate insurance, particularly if we run a small business. I also believe that disability insurance is critical, because I didn't have any when I was running a small business a number of years ago. Without insurance, we lost our shirts when I became too ill to work.
If we have a lot of wealth that we're bringing into a marriage, it's important to get a prenuptial agreement. These days, divorce rates are so high, the risk is too great to trust that it won't happen. By protecting our assets, we also discover whether or not people love us for who we are, and not for our money.
If you've never had a lot of money, this may be difficult to understand. During my first marriage, a lot of people wanted to be my friend, because they liked hanging out with someone who was wealthy. Interestingly, when I got divorced and most of the money remained with my first husband, all of those friends vanished.
Today's Challenge
There are many good points in today's lesson, and it may take you a while to implement all of them. Start by setting up an automatic deduction from your paycheck into a savings account. If your employer offers matching contributions, invest as much as you can to maximize the free money that's waiting for you.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
We're in the home stretch...only seven more days remaining in our discussion of Jack Canfield's Success Principles. Today, we learn about the importance of paying ourselves before paying anyone else, because our financial success contributes to our ability to thrive.
Start saving early.
Albert Einstein once said, Compound interest is the eighth natural wonder of the world and the most perfect thing I have ever encountered. That's quite a statement coming from the genius who discovered the law of relativity.
Jesus taught a parable about the kingdom of heaven in Matthew chapter 15, comparing the outcome of our Christian service to that of financial guardians of his day who invested their master's money. It clearly shows that the wise servant invests his money to earn interest, and the foolish servant buries his in the earth. Even in Jesus' time, people understood the power of compounding interest.
The sooner we start saving, the easier it is to become wealthy. If Mary invests $150 per month from age 25 to 35 and then stops, she will have invested $18,000, which will grow at 8% interest to $283,385 by the time she retires at age 65.
By contrast, if Tom invests $150 per month from age 35 to 65, he will have invested $54,000 and will only earn $220,233 by the time he retires at 65. The sooner we start saving, the greater our compounded interest will be.
Make saving a priority.
The goal of saving is to become financially independent. This means that we could live off of nothing but the interest we earn on our investments. By methodically saving 10 to 15% of our income, we can discipline ourselves to begin building our fortune. We also force ourselves to earn more if we want to do or have more.
If we can't find ways to cut the budget so that we can afford to save 10 to 15%, we can start with as little as 1% of our income. The habit of saving develops each time we practice it. Eventually, we'll be able to save more if we work at it.
Become an automatic millionaire.
Few people are able to discipline themselves to save without automatic deductions. We can arrange for our employers to automatically place money from our paychecks into our savings accounts. If we arrange to have our money placed into a retirement fund, we don't have to pay taxes right now on this savings.
Some companies, like the hospital Joe works for, offer matching contributions. If Joe puts in 10% of his income each pay period, the hospital puts in 5%. Get on board with this today if your company offers it. It's free money being given away to people who are smart enough to grab it!
Follow the 50/50 law.
John Demartini is a chiropractor who now conducts seminars on building wealth. He created the 50/50 law, which means that we never spend more than we save. I think this is a brilliant idea.
Let's say that I want to buy Joe a boat for his birthday. It costs $10,000. If I can't put $10,000 into savings first, and then set aside another $10,000 for the boat, I don't buy it. The key here is that we don't raise our lifestyle until we have earned the right to have it.
Build assets, not liabilities.
Robert Kyosaki wrote the book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Our son recommended it to us several years ago, and we were impressed with the insights of the author. One of his most important points is that we must build assets, not liabilities.
One way to think about this is to consider the purchase of a home. Many people believe this is an asset, but it's not, according to Kyosaki. An asset is something that puts money into your pocket. I don't know about your house, but mine sure takes out a lot more than it puts in!
Assets that put money into our pockets are things, such as investment real estate (rental properties), small businesses, stocks, bonds, gold, and so on. If we want to become rich, we put our money in these things first. Only when they are generating enough income to support us and our purchases do we buy things such as homes and cars.
Hire a financial planner.
After our nest egg begins to grow, it's important to hire a financial planner to help us invest it. To illustrate the importance of investing our money and not just stashing it under the mattress, Jack tells the story of Oseola McCarty of Hattiesburg, Mississippi.
Oseola dropped out of school in the sixth grade to wash and iron other people's clothes. For 75 years, she worked and saved. In 1995, she donated $150,000 of her $250,000 savings to the University of Southern Mississippi. If Oseola had invested her $50,000 in 1965 to earn about 10% interest per year, she would have had just shy of $1 million--four times what she saved!
Protect what's yours.
In this day and age when people are swift to sue, it's important to protect our assets with adequate insurance, particularly if we run a small business. I also believe that disability insurance is critical, because I didn't have any when I was running a small business a number of years ago. Without insurance, we lost our shirts when I became too ill to work.
If we have a lot of wealth that we're bringing into a marriage, it's important to get a prenuptial agreement. These days, divorce rates are so high, the risk is too great to trust that it won't happen. By protecting our assets, we also discover whether or not people love us for who we are, and not for our money.
If you've never had a lot of money, this may be difficult to understand. During my first marriage, a lot of people wanted to be my friend, because they liked hanging out with someone who was wealthy. Interestingly, when I got divorced and most of the money remained with my first husband, all of those friends vanished.
Today's Challenge
There are many good points in today's lesson, and it may take you a while to implement all of them. Start by setting up an automatic deduction from your paycheck into a savings account. If your employer offers matching contributions, invest as much as you can to maximize the free money that's waiting for you.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
You Get What You Focus On
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #57
If we don't place value on money and seek it, we won't receive it. Many of us survived abuse, but we still carry around such poor self-esteem that we don't believe that we deserve to have money. My mother told me that I was more worthless than yesterday's trash. I had to shake off that limiting belief, decide that I was a worthwhile person, and that I was worthy of wealth before I could even begin to think about earning anything.
What's holding you back from your financial goals?
Decide to be wealthy.
If we want to be wealthy, we must make a conscious decision to do so. We have to decide from someplace deep within us that we want wealth--without worrying about how we're going to get it.
If you're stuck because you still don't believe that it's godly to have wealth, think about what the Bible has to say about the love of money:
Whoever loves money never has money enough. (Ecc 5:10 NIV)
You cannot serve both God and Money. (Matt. 6:24 NIV)
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.(I Tim. 6:10 NIV)
Notice that the second verse capitalizes the word, Money. The point in all of these verses is that if you love Money and make it your god, evil will follow. Becoming wealthy is not evil, but failing to share that wealth with others or to thank God for it is. Greed, envy, and criminal conduct involving money can get us into trouble. Having wealth, however, does not automatically make us evil. We can use our wealth to bless others in need.
Joe and I decided a couple of years ago that we wanted to make as much money as possible so that we can support the work of our church. We have cut back on expenses, worked extra, paid down our debts, and kept our budget on-track; so that we can give more to people in need.
What could you do if you had more money to give?
Decide what wealthy means.
There is no right financial goal, but each of us must decide what we want. Some people want to retire with a million dollars. Others want to make millions and give their money away as scholarships. Decide what you want and then write down your goals. Some examples include:
I will have a net worth of $_____ by the year ________.
I will earn at least $_________________ next month.
I will save and invest $________________ every month.
To become debt free, I will ________________________.
Find out what it costs to finance your dream life.
Right now, we are all living the life we dreamed of in the past. It's not the same life that we hope to be living when we retire. We need to decide what kind of lifestyle we want in the future so that we can visualize it.
We can research how much it costs for our dream life, which might include: setting up a scholarship fund, eating in fine restaurants, giving to support orphans, going on vacations or mission trips, buying a different home, and so on. Remember, at this point we're not worrying about how we will achieve these things; we just need to figure out how much they would cost.
Get real about retirement.
I think that the concept of retirement is completely wrong. People work all of their lives at a job they hate, looking forward every day to the moment when they will be free. A week later, they drop dead.
I don't ever plan to retire, but if you do, take time to figure out what you would need to maintain your current lifestyle once you stop working. Charles Schwab advises saving $230,000 for every $1,000 that you will need each month in retirement. For example, if your current expenses are $5,000 each month, you would need to have saved $1,150,000 just to maintain the way you live today.
Become conscious about your money.
If we want to become financially successful, we must develop a consciouness about our money. We need to know precisely what we have so that we can figure out how much we will need for the future. Do you know:
your net worth (total assets minus total liabilities)?
your savings?
your fixed and variable monthly expenses?
your total debt?
your annual interest expenses?
your insurance coverage?
Everyone must have a financial plan. Otherwise, over-spending lands people in hot water, such as the mess we've been seeing lately with foreclosures and repossessions.
In addition, it's important to have an estate plan and a will. If you don't have one, take time now to get it in order. Even if you're not a millionaire today, it will save your heirs a lots of trouble and money later.
Jack has more to say about these topics, but I believe the best place to go for advice about money is to Dave Ramsey. You can find him online at www.mytotalmoneymakover.com, on the radio, and in classrooms taught by trained advisors all over the country. Joe and I attended a 10-week class, and it completely changed the way we use money.
Today's Challenge
Decide today what your financial future will look like. Remember, you get what you focus on. If you're thinking only about your debts, you'll keep getting more. So write down your goals for the long-term. Then, find a financial advisor to help you achieve them.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
If we don't place value on money and seek it, we won't receive it. Many of us survived abuse, but we still carry around such poor self-esteem that we don't believe that we deserve to have money. My mother told me that I was more worthless than yesterday's trash. I had to shake off that limiting belief, decide that I was a worthwhile person, and that I was worthy of wealth before I could even begin to think about earning anything.
What's holding you back from your financial goals?
Decide to be wealthy.
If we want to be wealthy, we must make a conscious decision to do so. We have to decide from someplace deep within us that we want wealth--without worrying about how we're going to get it.
If you're stuck because you still don't believe that it's godly to have wealth, think about what the Bible has to say about the love of money:
Whoever loves money never has money enough. (Ecc 5:10 NIV)
You cannot serve both God and Money. (Matt. 6:24 NIV)
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.(I Tim. 6:10 NIV)
Notice that the second verse capitalizes the word, Money. The point in all of these verses is that if you love Money and make it your god, evil will follow. Becoming wealthy is not evil, but failing to share that wealth with others or to thank God for it is. Greed, envy, and criminal conduct involving money can get us into trouble. Having wealth, however, does not automatically make us evil. We can use our wealth to bless others in need.
Joe and I decided a couple of years ago that we wanted to make as much money as possible so that we can support the work of our church. We have cut back on expenses, worked extra, paid down our debts, and kept our budget on-track; so that we can give more to people in need.
What could you do if you had more money to give?
Decide what wealthy means.
There is no right financial goal, but each of us must decide what we want. Some people want to retire with a million dollars. Others want to make millions and give their money away as scholarships. Decide what you want and then write down your goals. Some examples include:
I will have a net worth of $_____ by the year ________.
I will earn at least $_________________ next month.
I will save and invest $________________ every month.
To become debt free, I will ________________________.
Find out what it costs to finance your dream life.
Right now, we are all living the life we dreamed of in the past. It's not the same life that we hope to be living when we retire. We need to decide what kind of lifestyle we want in the future so that we can visualize it.
We can research how much it costs for our dream life, which might include: setting up a scholarship fund, eating in fine restaurants, giving to support orphans, going on vacations or mission trips, buying a different home, and so on. Remember, at this point we're not worrying about how we will achieve these things; we just need to figure out how much they would cost.
Get real about retirement.
I think that the concept of retirement is completely wrong. People work all of their lives at a job they hate, looking forward every day to the moment when they will be free. A week later, they drop dead.
I don't ever plan to retire, but if you do, take time to figure out what you would need to maintain your current lifestyle once you stop working. Charles Schwab advises saving $230,000 for every $1,000 that you will need each month in retirement. For example, if your current expenses are $5,000 each month, you would need to have saved $1,150,000 just to maintain the way you live today.
Become conscious about your money.
If we want to become financially successful, we must develop a consciouness about our money. We need to know precisely what we have so that we can figure out how much we will need for the future. Do you know:
your net worth (total assets minus total liabilities)?
your savings?
your fixed and variable monthly expenses?
your total debt?
your annual interest expenses?
your insurance coverage?
Everyone must have a financial plan. Otherwise, over-spending lands people in hot water, such as the mess we've been seeing lately with foreclosures and repossessions.
In addition, it's important to have an estate plan and a will. If you don't have one, take time now to get it in order. Even if you're not a millionaire today, it will save your heirs a lots of trouble and money later.
Jack has more to say about these topics, but I believe the best place to go for advice about money is to Dave Ramsey. You can find him online at www.mytotalmoneymakover.com, on the radio, and in classrooms taught by trained advisors all over the country. Joe and I attended a 10-week class, and it completely changed the way we use money.
Today's Challenge
Decide today what your financial future will look like. Remember, you get what you focus on. If you're thinking only about your debts, you'll keep getting more. So write down your goals for the long-term. Then, find a financial advisor to help you achieve them.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Develop a Positive Money Consciousness
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #56, continued
All success starts in our minds. First, we must decide what we want. Next, we have to believe that we deserve it and that it's possible. Third, we must think about any success and visualize it as if we already have it. And finally, we must be willing to pay the price to achieve our goals through discipline and perseverance.
Most people never achieve financial success, because their beliefs limit them. Yesterday, we learned about our limiting beliefs that developed as a result of childhood sexual abuse. Today, we shift gears to take a look at how limiting beliefs can prevent us from achieving financial success. Jack identifies limiting beliefs, suggests steps for eliminating them, and then provides ideas for turning around those beliefs.
Identify your limimiting beliefs about money.
We may not even be aware that we have limiting beliefs about money. Many of them were probably instilled in our minds when we were children, just like the inappropriate ones we developed about love in the context of sexual abuse. The following is a list of typical limiting beliefs about money:
Money doesn't grow on trees.
You have to have money to make money.
Money is the root of all evil.
People with money are evil and unethical.
People with a lot of money are selfish.
You can't buy happiness.
It's impossible to go to heaven if you're rich.
That last belief on the list held me back for years. Jesus said, If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven....I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. (Matt 19:21, 24 NIV)
The point of Jesus' lesson was to make a rich man see that he was coveting others' possessions. By telling him to sell everything, Jesus pushed the guy to look at his sin. Jesus' message, if taken out of context, can be sadly misinterpreted to mean that Christians should not have wealth.
I was previously married to a millionaire who also happened to be an abuser. His actions made me come to the conclusion that all rich people are evil and don't deserve to get into heaven. I didn't want to be like him, so I developed the limiting belief that it's impossible to get into heaven if you're rich.
Joe had been taught the limiting belief that it was more godly to be poor than to have money. When the two of us got married, our limiting beliefs nearly destroyed us financially. They took us from a place of financial security to a point of living on groceries from a food bank and accepting hand-outs from the church.
God doesn't want us to be poor. He promises blessings throughout the Bible. One of God's dearest saints was Abraham, who eventually owned more land and possessions than we can imagine. God wants to bless each of us abundantly, just as he blessed childless Abraham, who ended up having more descendants than the stars in the sky.
Take three steps to turn around limiting beliefs.
It's possible to change our limiting beliefs with a simple three-step technique that Jack outlines. He suggests doing it with a partner or a group of people. Working with others can be far more powerful, not to mention, fun!
1) Write down the limiting belief.
For example, we can write down, If you're rich, you can't get into heaven.
2) Challenge, make fun of, or argue with the limiting belief.
We could brainstorm a list of new beliefs to challenge this old one. By making the ideas outrageous or silly, we can create a more powerful shift in our thinking. So, we can write out something new, such as:
*If you're rich, you can't live in a housing project.
*If you're rich, you can't get into the food bank.
*If you're rich, you aren't automatically limited spiritually.
*Some people with money may not get into heaven, but wealth can't keep me out.
Dave Ramsey teaches that money is nothing more than a tool. Like a hammer, we can use it to build something, or we can use it to smash in someone's head. The hammer isn't good or bad. Our use of it merely dictates the outcomes for us.
3) Create a positive turnaround statement.
When we are finished brainstorming, we can choose a positive statement that turns around our old beliefs. For instance, I may replace It's impossible to go to heaven if you're rich with It's possible for me to go to heaven after receiving unlimited wealth here on earth and sharing God's abundant blessings with others.
Like all of our goals, we need to write our new financial beliefs on index cards and add them to our stack. If we take time every day to read them aloud with intense emotion and imagine how we will feel, our money affirmations will come true.
Today's Challenge
If you haven't yet created personal affirmations about money, start today. Write down your financial dreams on index cards. Bring up images of checks in the mail, big paychecks, royalty checks, dividend checks, and cash in your hand. Visualize your ideal bank statements, stock reports, and retirement fund returns. Add your feelings to these visualizations, along with gratitude for already having these things.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
All success starts in our minds. First, we must decide what we want. Next, we have to believe that we deserve it and that it's possible. Third, we must think about any success and visualize it as if we already have it. And finally, we must be willing to pay the price to achieve our goals through discipline and perseverance.
Most people never achieve financial success, because their beliefs limit them. Yesterday, we learned about our limiting beliefs that developed as a result of childhood sexual abuse. Today, we shift gears to take a look at how limiting beliefs can prevent us from achieving financial success. Jack identifies limiting beliefs, suggests steps for eliminating them, and then provides ideas for turning around those beliefs.
Identify your limimiting beliefs about money.
We may not even be aware that we have limiting beliefs about money. Many of them were probably instilled in our minds when we were children, just like the inappropriate ones we developed about love in the context of sexual abuse. The following is a list of typical limiting beliefs about money:
Money doesn't grow on trees.
You have to have money to make money.
Money is the root of all evil.
People with money are evil and unethical.
People with a lot of money are selfish.
You can't buy happiness.
It's impossible to go to heaven if you're rich.
That last belief on the list held me back for years. Jesus said, If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven....I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. (Matt 19:21, 24 NIV)
The point of Jesus' lesson was to make a rich man see that he was coveting others' possessions. By telling him to sell everything, Jesus pushed the guy to look at his sin. Jesus' message, if taken out of context, can be sadly misinterpreted to mean that Christians should not have wealth.
I was previously married to a millionaire who also happened to be an abuser. His actions made me come to the conclusion that all rich people are evil and don't deserve to get into heaven. I didn't want to be like him, so I developed the limiting belief that it's impossible to get into heaven if you're rich.
Joe had been taught the limiting belief that it was more godly to be poor than to have money. When the two of us got married, our limiting beliefs nearly destroyed us financially. They took us from a place of financial security to a point of living on groceries from a food bank and accepting hand-outs from the church.
God doesn't want us to be poor. He promises blessings throughout the Bible. One of God's dearest saints was Abraham, who eventually owned more land and possessions than we can imagine. God wants to bless each of us abundantly, just as he blessed childless Abraham, who ended up having more descendants than the stars in the sky.
Take three steps to turn around limiting beliefs.
It's possible to change our limiting beliefs with a simple three-step technique that Jack outlines. He suggests doing it with a partner or a group of people. Working with others can be far more powerful, not to mention, fun!
1) Write down the limiting belief.
For example, we can write down, If you're rich, you can't get into heaven.
2) Challenge, make fun of, or argue with the limiting belief.
We could brainstorm a list of new beliefs to challenge this old one. By making the ideas outrageous or silly, we can create a more powerful shift in our thinking. So, we can write out something new, such as:
*If you're rich, you can't live in a housing project.
*If you're rich, you can't get into the food bank.
*If you're rich, you aren't automatically limited spiritually.
*Some people with money may not get into heaven, but wealth can't keep me out.
Dave Ramsey teaches that money is nothing more than a tool. Like a hammer, we can use it to build something, or we can use it to smash in someone's head. The hammer isn't good or bad. Our use of it merely dictates the outcomes for us.
3) Create a positive turnaround statement.
When we are finished brainstorming, we can choose a positive statement that turns around our old beliefs. For instance, I may replace It's impossible to go to heaven if you're rich with It's possible for me to go to heaven after receiving unlimited wealth here on earth and sharing God's abundant blessings with others.
Like all of our goals, we need to write our new financial beliefs on index cards and add them to our stack. If we take time every day to read them aloud with intense emotion and imagine how we will feel, our money affirmations will come true.
Today's Challenge
If you haven't yet created personal affirmations about money, start today. Write down your financial dreams on index cards. Bring up images of checks in the mail, big paychecks, royalty checks, dividend checks, and cash in your hand. Visualize your ideal bank statements, stock reports, and retirement fund returns. Add your feelings to these visualizations, along with gratitude for already having these things.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Monday, January 17, 2011
Releasing Our Past
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #56
I am splitting up this principle and presenting the second half of it first. Tomorrow, I will go back and share Jack's thoughts about how to develop a positive money consciousness. For today, I want to share with you some insights that I have recently learned about the power of releasing our past.
I spent the weekend at a Healing Touch retreat. There, I learned that God's love is infinite. I experienced for the first time what it felt like to fully receive that love from him and from others.
As an incest survivor, I discovered that we expend huge amounts of energy pushing away love. The type of inappropriate love we received as children causes us to develop the limiting belief that love is evil. I now know that some evil people label their sinful actions as love, but God's love is pure and comes to me only for my highest good.
For a long time, whenever I tried to challenge my limiting beliefs about love, I got stuck. The Healing Touch program this weekend took me through specific steps toward accepting God's love. Jack Canfield suggests using something similar known as the Sedona Method to help us move forward. The five steps of that method follow.
1) What am I feeling right now?
We can ask ourselves what we are feeling. As abuse survivors, this may be difficult, because we are told that our feelings are not valid, should be kept secret, or may lead to punishment.
I kept pushing aside my feelings of anger toward my mother for failing to love, protect, and nurture me as a child. Every time I tried to connect with God, these negative feelings got in the way. Through Healing Touch, I learned to allow myself to focus on those feelings, instead of resisting them or reacting to them.
2) Could I welcome and allow it?
In a safe environment, such as a Healing Touch session, we can welcome the intense feelings that were brought on by childhood sexual abuse. We don't react to the feelings at this point. We simply let them come to us and observe what they are.
Sometimes, feelings come to us in the form of symbols. For me, whenever I closed my eyes during a Healing Touch practice session, I saw warm golden light with an ugly patch of dirty fabric overlaying it. In time, I realized that the light was God's pure love, and the filthy rag represented my tattered relationship with my mother. My anger toward my mother was holding the patch in place and preventing me from fully connecting with God.
3) Could I let it go?
When we are ready, we will know when the answer is yes. For a while, it may be no. That's okay.
For months, I could not let go of this frayed patch, because I didn't understand what it was. When I finally realized that the patch represented my mother's lie that abuse is love, I reached a point of preparing for release.
4) Am I willing to let it go?
If the answer to this question is no, we can ask, Would I rather have this feeling, or would I rather be free?
As soon as I recognized that the black patch represented my mother's abuse and the lie that abuse is love, I was willing to let go of the anger that held it in place. I understood that holding onto anger was not doing me any good. It wasn't changing my mother's behavior, and it wasn't altering God's reactions to those behaviors. In fact, holding onto my anger and all of the memories of the past was hurting me, because it was blocking me from receiving the fullness of God's love.
5) When will I let this go?
Eventually, we come to the realization that now is the best time to let go of whatever it is that we have been holding.
This weeked, I decided that it was time to let go of my anger. As soon as I released it, the black patch was consumed by the warm golden glow of God's love. Peace flowed in as I have never before experienced it.
This process of releasing may take time, and we may need help. With perseverance, however, we can all experience God's blessings across every area of our lives.
I am thankful for the Healing Touch practitioners who have guided me through this. If you would like to learn more about the practice of Healing Touch, go to www.HealingTouchProgram.com or contact me at cheryldenton@rocketmail.com.
Today's Challenge
Use the Sedona Method as outlined above to release your past. If you're stuck, search out a Healing Touch practitioner, counselor, or trusted friend to help you move forward without the hindrances of your past.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
I am splitting up this principle and presenting the second half of it first. Tomorrow, I will go back and share Jack's thoughts about how to develop a positive money consciousness. For today, I want to share with you some insights that I have recently learned about the power of releasing our past.
I spent the weekend at a Healing Touch retreat. There, I learned that God's love is infinite. I experienced for the first time what it felt like to fully receive that love from him and from others.
As an incest survivor, I discovered that we expend huge amounts of energy pushing away love. The type of inappropriate love we received as children causes us to develop the limiting belief that love is evil. I now know that some evil people label their sinful actions as love, but God's love is pure and comes to me only for my highest good.
For a long time, whenever I tried to challenge my limiting beliefs about love, I got stuck. The Healing Touch program this weekend took me through specific steps toward accepting God's love. Jack Canfield suggests using something similar known as the Sedona Method to help us move forward. The five steps of that method follow.
1) What am I feeling right now?
We can ask ourselves what we are feeling. As abuse survivors, this may be difficult, because we are told that our feelings are not valid, should be kept secret, or may lead to punishment.
I kept pushing aside my feelings of anger toward my mother for failing to love, protect, and nurture me as a child. Every time I tried to connect with God, these negative feelings got in the way. Through Healing Touch, I learned to allow myself to focus on those feelings, instead of resisting them or reacting to them.
2) Could I welcome and allow it?
In a safe environment, such as a Healing Touch session, we can welcome the intense feelings that were brought on by childhood sexual abuse. We don't react to the feelings at this point. We simply let them come to us and observe what they are.
Sometimes, feelings come to us in the form of symbols. For me, whenever I closed my eyes during a Healing Touch practice session, I saw warm golden light with an ugly patch of dirty fabric overlaying it. In time, I realized that the light was God's pure love, and the filthy rag represented my tattered relationship with my mother. My anger toward my mother was holding the patch in place and preventing me from fully connecting with God.
3) Could I let it go?
When we are ready, we will know when the answer is yes. For a while, it may be no. That's okay.
For months, I could not let go of this frayed patch, because I didn't understand what it was. When I finally realized that the patch represented my mother's lie that abuse is love, I reached a point of preparing for release.
4) Am I willing to let it go?
If the answer to this question is no, we can ask, Would I rather have this feeling, or would I rather be free?
As soon as I recognized that the black patch represented my mother's abuse and the lie that abuse is love, I was willing to let go of the anger that held it in place. I understood that holding onto anger was not doing me any good. It wasn't changing my mother's behavior, and it wasn't altering God's reactions to those behaviors. In fact, holding onto my anger and all of the memories of the past was hurting me, because it was blocking me from receiving the fullness of God's love.
5) When will I let this go?
Eventually, we come to the realization that now is the best time to let go of whatever it is that we have been holding.
This weeked, I decided that it was time to let go of my anger. As soon as I released it, the black patch was consumed by the warm golden glow of God's love. Peace flowed in as I have never before experienced it.
This process of releasing may take time, and we may need help. With perseverance, however, we can all experience God's blessings across every area of our lives.
I am thankful for the Healing Touch practitioners who have guided me through this. If you would like to learn more about the practice of Healing Touch, go to www.HealingTouchProgram.com or contact me at cheryldenton@rocketmail.com.
Today's Challenge
Use the Sedona Method as outlined above to release your past. If you're stuck, search out a Healing Touch practitioner, counselor, or trusted friend to help you move forward without the hindrances of your past.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Friday, January 14, 2011
Be a Class Act
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #55
A successful person acts with class and attracts other people who also have class into his sphere of influence. In today's society of mediocrity, it's becoming increasingly difficult to pinpoint individuals such as these.
What does it mean to be a class act?
Jack names Jimmy Stewart, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, Nelson Mandela, and Winston Churchill as examples of class acts. They rose above their fears to create their own unique worlds of expanding awareness, creativity, and accomplishment.
For Joe and me, Christian minister Bob Russell has served as a model of class. He was the lead pastor at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky when Joe was attending seminary. On any given weekend, the church held nearly 20,000 people during its numerous services.
On Easter Sunday one year, I was in a wheelchair following an episode of paralysis. We decided to leave the back of the sanctuary during the last song to avoid the difficulty of maneuvering through the crowds.
Bob Russell met us in the hallway and asked what was wrong. I told him that doctors had no idea what had caused the paralysis, and Bob offered to pray for me. I was dumbstruck that this man who was responsible for leading such a huge church would take the time to kneel down before me to ask God to intervene on my behalf.
There are two reasons, I believe, that Bob Russell has risen to such a high level of success. First, he has always expected excellence out of himself and everyone who works with him. This expectation stems from his intense love for God and his belief that God deserves our best. Second, Bob has never let success go to his head. Every time I meet him, I feel equally important to anyone else in the crowd. He is truly a class act.
Follow the ten attributes of people who are class acts.
Jack shared a list of attributes that characterize a class act. Life coach Dan Sullivan created the list, as follows:
1) Live by your own highest standards.
Class acts live by higher standards than those of most people in conventional society. Their goals are consciously chosen and applied.
I have been writing about these success principles for months, and I hope that it has inspired you, dear reader, to apply them to your own life. Without high standards, we merely become one more mediocre individual in the great cattle herd of society.
2) Maintain dignity and grace under pressure.
People who are classy do not become perturbed when chaos ensues. They remain so calm that it gives others courage. They are so certain that God will work all things out for the good of those who love him that they are capable of leading others with ease.
Joe exhibits this type of grace under pressure. Years ago, I injured my leg, and he had to take me to the emergency room. On the way there, the hospital paged him to help a family deal with an unexpected death. While I lay on a gurney in one cubicle, I could see Joe calmly talking to the hysterical wife of the deceased man and her teenage daughter, who was lying on the floor and screaming. Joe's quiet spirit provided strength to everyone on staff who was trying to deal with the situation.
3) Focus and improve the behavior of others.
Class acts are excellent role models. Their higher standards of thinking and behaving begin to make an impact on others. Under their leadership, people improve their own acts.
Whenever Joe is faced with a difficult situation, I frequently ask him how Bob Russell would handle it. Remembering Bob's expectations of excellence helps Joe to make decisions that most conventional people would not.
4) Operate from a larger, inclusive perspective.
This is a modern-day version of Jesus' new testament commandments from Mark 12:30-31 (NIV): Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength...Love your neighbor as yourself.
5) Increase the quality of every experience.
People with class look for ways to enrich the lives of others. They do this by introducing greater beauty and significance into every experience.
My Aunt Marjorie certainly was a class act in this regard. As a teen, I cut her grass weekly. Whenever my work was done, I found a beautiful luncheon laid out for me in her dining room. She served me as if I were a visiting dignitary; the table was set with freshly starched linens, fine china, sterling silver, and sparkling crystal. She had the ability to turn a simple meal into a beautiful and significant experience.
6) Counteract meanness, pettiness, and vulgarity.
We are surrounded by mean, petty, vulgar people in our society. With the invention of television, we can now view them regularly in our own living rooms. Class acts counteract these negative qualities with courtesy, respect, gratitude, and generosity.
Our brains will model what we see the most. If we are surrounded by crass people--either in our daily walks or through what we view on TV--we will eventually become like they are. I refuse to watch TV, because I don't want to ever become like most of the characters depicted on the screen. I want to be a class act.
7) Take responsibility for actions and results.
People with class accept responsibility for their actions when most other people would hide from the truth. They see failures as opportunities to do better the next time.
As survivors of abuse, we frequently become defensive if someone points out an error we have made. Our minds have become so well programmed to expect futher punishment for mistakes, that we automatically lash out when corrected.
Unfortunately, our defensiveness often prevents us from reaching the levels of success we desire. To become people of class, we must first learn to accept the truth about our actions. Only after doing so, can we look for ways to improve ourselves.
8) Strengthen the integrity of all situations.
If we want to become class acts, we must constantly strive to grow by setting clear goals that stretch our current abilities. Creating a list of goals, along with action steps to meet them, is a must.
9) Expand the meaning of being human.
People with class do not confine themselves to old ways of thinking and doing things. They push the envelope and expect more of themselves. This provides them with the freedom to do what God sent them here to accomplish. By living so freely, they set an example for others to do the same.
Survivors of incest often live by old rules of silence and shame. I have frequently made others in my family uncomfortable and angry by speaking out about the ugly truth of childhood sexual abuse. Those who cling to the old ways struggle with their ways of coping. Some, however, have found freedom in expressing their pain as a result of my speaking the truth.
10) Increase the confidence and capabilities of others.
By acting with class, we inspire others. Whenever we enter a room, other people feel an increase in their energy, and their confidence increases. By choosing our governing ideals and sticking with them, we can help others to create ways to grow, too.
Like attracts like.
If we make the decision to live by a higher set of standards, we will attract people of similar dispositions. Like attracts like.
Recently, someone showed me an internet video of a woman sitting on a toilet, presumably in the act of using it. Throughout the entire thing, she kept repeating stupidly, "Sittin on da towlet." It was the most base thing I have ever viewed.
I immediately thought of Bob Russell and wondered what he would have to say about such classless behavior. He certainly wouldn't be forwarding it to his friends. If we want to be a class act, we must be careful about what we attract.
Today's Challenge
In order to be a class act, we must look around at the friends, coworkers, partners, and clients that we are attracting. Are they class acts? If not, make the decision today to re-design yourself as a class act. Do everything better. Raise the quality of your attitude and actions to discover what type of people you begin attracting.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
A successful person acts with class and attracts other people who also have class into his sphere of influence. In today's society of mediocrity, it's becoming increasingly difficult to pinpoint individuals such as these.
What does it mean to be a class act?
Jack names Jimmy Stewart, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, Nelson Mandela, and Winston Churchill as examples of class acts. They rose above their fears to create their own unique worlds of expanding awareness, creativity, and accomplishment.
For Joe and me, Christian minister Bob Russell has served as a model of class. He was the lead pastor at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky when Joe was attending seminary. On any given weekend, the church held nearly 20,000 people during its numerous services.
On Easter Sunday one year, I was in a wheelchair following an episode of paralysis. We decided to leave the back of the sanctuary during the last song to avoid the difficulty of maneuvering through the crowds.
Bob Russell met us in the hallway and asked what was wrong. I told him that doctors had no idea what had caused the paralysis, and Bob offered to pray for me. I was dumbstruck that this man who was responsible for leading such a huge church would take the time to kneel down before me to ask God to intervene on my behalf.
There are two reasons, I believe, that Bob Russell has risen to such a high level of success. First, he has always expected excellence out of himself and everyone who works with him. This expectation stems from his intense love for God and his belief that God deserves our best. Second, Bob has never let success go to his head. Every time I meet him, I feel equally important to anyone else in the crowd. He is truly a class act.
Follow the ten attributes of people who are class acts.
Jack shared a list of attributes that characterize a class act. Life coach Dan Sullivan created the list, as follows:
1) Live by your own highest standards.
Class acts live by higher standards than those of most people in conventional society. Their goals are consciously chosen and applied.
I have been writing about these success principles for months, and I hope that it has inspired you, dear reader, to apply them to your own life. Without high standards, we merely become one more mediocre individual in the great cattle herd of society.
2) Maintain dignity and grace under pressure.
People who are classy do not become perturbed when chaos ensues. They remain so calm that it gives others courage. They are so certain that God will work all things out for the good of those who love him that they are capable of leading others with ease.
Joe exhibits this type of grace under pressure. Years ago, I injured my leg, and he had to take me to the emergency room. On the way there, the hospital paged him to help a family deal with an unexpected death. While I lay on a gurney in one cubicle, I could see Joe calmly talking to the hysterical wife of the deceased man and her teenage daughter, who was lying on the floor and screaming. Joe's quiet spirit provided strength to everyone on staff who was trying to deal with the situation.
3) Focus and improve the behavior of others.
Class acts are excellent role models. Their higher standards of thinking and behaving begin to make an impact on others. Under their leadership, people improve their own acts.
Whenever Joe is faced with a difficult situation, I frequently ask him how Bob Russell would handle it. Remembering Bob's expectations of excellence helps Joe to make decisions that most conventional people would not.
4) Operate from a larger, inclusive perspective.
This is a modern-day version of Jesus' new testament commandments from Mark 12:30-31 (NIV): Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength...Love your neighbor as yourself.
5) Increase the quality of every experience.
People with class look for ways to enrich the lives of others. They do this by introducing greater beauty and significance into every experience.
My Aunt Marjorie certainly was a class act in this regard. As a teen, I cut her grass weekly. Whenever my work was done, I found a beautiful luncheon laid out for me in her dining room. She served me as if I were a visiting dignitary; the table was set with freshly starched linens, fine china, sterling silver, and sparkling crystal. She had the ability to turn a simple meal into a beautiful and significant experience.
6) Counteract meanness, pettiness, and vulgarity.
We are surrounded by mean, petty, vulgar people in our society. With the invention of television, we can now view them regularly in our own living rooms. Class acts counteract these negative qualities with courtesy, respect, gratitude, and generosity.
Our brains will model what we see the most. If we are surrounded by crass people--either in our daily walks or through what we view on TV--we will eventually become like they are. I refuse to watch TV, because I don't want to ever become like most of the characters depicted on the screen. I want to be a class act.
7) Take responsibility for actions and results.
People with class accept responsibility for their actions when most other people would hide from the truth. They see failures as opportunities to do better the next time.
As survivors of abuse, we frequently become defensive if someone points out an error we have made. Our minds have become so well programmed to expect futher punishment for mistakes, that we automatically lash out when corrected.
Unfortunately, our defensiveness often prevents us from reaching the levels of success we desire. To become people of class, we must first learn to accept the truth about our actions. Only after doing so, can we look for ways to improve ourselves.
8) Strengthen the integrity of all situations.
If we want to become class acts, we must constantly strive to grow by setting clear goals that stretch our current abilities. Creating a list of goals, along with action steps to meet them, is a must.
9) Expand the meaning of being human.
People with class do not confine themselves to old ways of thinking and doing things. They push the envelope and expect more of themselves. This provides them with the freedom to do what God sent them here to accomplish. By living so freely, they set an example for others to do the same.
Survivors of incest often live by old rules of silence and shame. I have frequently made others in my family uncomfortable and angry by speaking out about the ugly truth of childhood sexual abuse. Those who cling to the old ways struggle with their ways of coping. Some, however, have found freedom in expressing their pain as a result of my speaking the truth.
10) Increase the confidence and capabilities of others.
By acting with class, we inspire others. Whenever we enter a room, other people feel an increase in their energy, and their confidence increases. By choosing our governing ideals and sticking with them, we can help others to create ways to grow, too.
Like attracts like.
If we make the decision to live by a higher set of standards, we will attract people of similar dispositions. Like attracts like.
Recently, someone showed me an internet video of a woman sitting on a toilet, presumably in the act of using it. Throughout the entire thing, she kept repeating stupidly, "Sittin on da towlet." It was the most base thing I have ever viewed.
I immediately thought of Bob Russell and wondered what he would have to say about such classless behavior. He certainly wouldn't be forwarding it to his friends. If we want to be a class act, we must be careful about what we attract.
Today's Challenge
In order to be a class act, we must look around at the friends, coworkers, partners, and clients that we are attracting. Are they class acts? If not, make the decision today to re-design yourself as a class act. Do everything better. Raise the quality of your attitude and actions to discover what type of people you begin attracting.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Keep Your Agreements
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #54
When I was growing up, men shook hands after making an agreement. Their word was their bond. Over time, contracts replaced hand shaking, because no one seemed to be able to keep their word.
You can imagine my surprise when we moved to the country last year and discovered that people still keep agreements based only on handshakes. I have made handshake deals with contractors to repair my house, with farmers to buy their beef cattle, and with a man buying a piece of property from us.
I believe that individuals living in small communities tend to keep their promises more readily than those living in large cities. It's easy to disappear into a crowd and never keep a commitment if someone can't find us. Living in a small town makes it awfully difficult to hide from someone we've made a promise to. Our reputations are more readily tarnished in a small community where everyone knows everybody else.
Why don't people keep their agreements?
People frequently make agreements, knowing that they'll break them before agreeing to them. I once overheard a bride saying to her father on the way down the aisle, "If it doesn't work out, I'll divorce him." Within six months, the couple had gone their separate ways.
Why do people break their commitments? They don't want to feel uncomfortable questioning the terms of an agreement. They don't want to be the focus of negative attention. They prefer to avoid confrontation of any kind. Survivors of abuse often break commitments, because they fear retribution for not going along with whatever others tell them to do.
Calculate the costs of breaking agreements.
When we don't keep our agreements, we pay both external and internal costs. Externally, we lose trust, respect, and credibility with others. This includes our family, our friends, our co-workers, and our customers. After a few incidents of breaking our promises, people stop trusting us. We lose authority with them. In time, our relationships deterioriate.
Internally, the costs of breaking promises are even higher. Each time we make an agreement with someone, our brain hears it and registers it as a commitment. When we don't follow through, we begin to distrust ourselves. We lose self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect. We lose faith in our ability to produce a result.
Follow Jack's tips for making and keeping agreements.
I believe the following suggestions may prove helpful to us in limiting the number of commitments we make and keeping the ones we agree to.
1) Make only agreements that you intend to keep.
We must be very careful about entering into agreements without taking time to think and pray about them. If we check in with our gut feelings, God will give us a sense about whether or not an agreement is right for us.
I meet many women who are in marriages with the wrong men, because they didn't stop to take the time and think about the obvious red flags in these men's actions. They marry abusers, knowing that the men are exhibiting symptoms of violent behavior. Women who were abused as children suffer from such low self-esteem that they place themselves in abusive marriages to unwittingly perpetuate further abuse.
Keeping a commitment with an abuser can make a woman's life miserable and is inadvisable. And breaking a vow to a violent man can be difficult, not to mention life-threatening.
As survivors of abuse, we must move slowly whenever we are asked to agree to something. Our fear of rejection frequently causes us to say yes to things that are not in our best interest. When our hearts tell us to say no, we need to be true to ourselves and decline such commitments.
2) Write down all the agreements you make.
In a calendar, journal, notebook, or computer program, we can record all of our agreements. By doing so, we remind ourselves to stick with them. In addition, we prevent ourselves from over-committing our time and setting ourselves up for failure.
3) Communicate any broken agreement at the first opportunity.
If a snowstorm prevents us from getting the car out of the drive, or our child is sick, or our computer crashes; we must notify others as soon as possible that we can't keep our commitments. By doing this, we demonstrate our respect for others' time. We can then reschedule and limit any potential damage.
4) Learn to say no more often.
We need to take plenty of time to think over our commitments before we make them. Jack writes the word no in yellow highlighter on all of his calendar pages to remind himself of what he may be giving up by saying yes to something new. I love this practice, because we often forget what the costs will be if we can't keep our promises.
Up the ante.
Jack claims that if we really want to make sure that we keep a commitment, we can set up a consequence that is far greater than the payoff. Martin Rutte, a Jew, promised to write a $1,000 check to the Ku Klux Klan if he failed to learn to dive by a certain date. Having to write that check to an organization he despised would have been far more painful than overcoming his fear of diving. In spite of the challenges, Martin learned to dive.
Follow Biblical principles to keep commitments.
I prefer to follow God's principles for keeping our promises. Jesus spoke to a crowd about keeping oaths in Matthew 5:33-37 (NIV), and I prefer it to Jack's advice for upping the ante: Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
Today's Challenge
Write out a list of all the commitments you have made. Put a checkmark in front of the ones you are keeping with ease. Highlight the ones that you need to re-negotiate. Take care of those today. Then write no with a highlighter on every day of your calendar to remind yourself to think twice about saying yes to new commitments you may not be able to keep.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
When I was growing up, men shook hands after making an agreement. Their word was their bond. Over time, contracts replaced hand shaking, because no one seemed to be able to keep their word.
You can imagine my surprise when we moved to the country last year and discovered that people still keep agreements based only on handshakes. I have made handshake deals with contractors to repair my house, with farmers to buy their beef cattle, and with a man buying a piece of property from us.
I believe that individuals living in small communities tend to keep their promises more readily than those living in large cities. It's easy to disappear into a crowd and never keep a commitment if someone can't find us. Living in a small town makes it awfully difficult to hide from someone we've made a promise to. Our reputations are more readily tarnished in a small community where everyone knows everybody else.
Why don't people keep their agreements?
People frequently make agreements, knowing that they'll break them before agreeing to them. I once overheard a bride saying to her father on the way down the aisle, "If it doesn't work out, I'll divorce him." Within six months, the couple had gone their separate ways.
Why do people break their commitments? They don't want to feel uncomfortable questioning the terms of an agreement. They don't want to be the focus of negative attention. They prefer to avoid confrontation of any kind. Survivors of abuse often break commitments, because they fear retribution for not going along with whatever others tell them to do.
Calculate the costs of breaking agreements.
When we don't keep our agreements, we pay both external and internal costs. Externally, we lose trust, respect, and credibility with others. This includes our family, our friends, our co-workers, and our customers. After a few incidents of breaking our promises, people stop trusting us. We lose authority with them. In time, our relationships deterioriate.
Internally, the costs of breaking promises are even higher. Each time we make an agreement with someone, our brain hears it and registers it as a commitment. When we don't follow through, we begin to distrust ourselves. We lose self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect. We lose faith in our ability to produce a result.
Follow Jack's tips for making and keeping agreements.
I believe the following suggestions may prove helpful to us in limiting the number of commitments we make and keeping the ones we agree to.
1) Make only agreements that you intend to keep.
We must be very careful about entering into agreements without taking time to think and pray about them. If we check in with our gut feelings, God will give us a sense about whether or not an agreement is right for us.
I meet many women who are in marriages with the wrong men, because they didn't stop to take the time and think about the obvious red flags in these men's actions. They marry abusers, knowing that the men are exhibiting symptoms of violent behavior. Women who were abused as children suffer from such low self-esteem that they place themselves in abusive marriages to unwittingly perpetuate further abuse.
Keeping a commitment with an abuser can make a woman's life miserable and is inadvisable. And breaking a vow to a violent man can be difficult, not to mention life-threatening.
As survivors of abuse, we must move slowly whenever we are asked to agree to something. Our fear of rejection frequently causes us to say yes to things that are not in our best interest. When our hearts tell us to say no, we need to be true to ourselves and decline such commitments.
2) Write down all the agreements you make.
In a calendar, journal, notebook, or computer program, we can record all of our agreements. By doing so, we remind ourselves to stick with them. In addition, we prevent ourselves from over-committing our time and setting ourselves up for failure.
3) Communicate any broken agreement at the first opportunity.
If a snowstorm prevents us from getting the car out of the drive, or our child is sick, or our computer crashes; we must notify others as soon as possible that we can't keep our commitments. By doing this, we demonstrate our respect for others' time. We can then reschedule and limit any potential damage.
4) Learn to say no more often.
We need to take plenty of time to think over our commitments before we make them. Jack writes the word no in yellow highlighter on all of his calendar pages to remind himself of what he may be giving up by saying yes to something new. I love this practice, because we often forget what the costs will be if we can't keep our promises.
Up the ante.
Jack claims that if we really want to make sure that we keep a commitment, we can set up a consequence that is far greater than the payoff. Martin Rutte, a Jew, promised to write a $1,000 check to the Ku Klux Klan if he failed to learn to dive by a certain date. Having to write that check to an organization he despised would have been far more painful than overcoming his fear of diving. In spite of the challenges, Martin learned to dive.
Follow Biblical principles to keep commitments.
I prefer to follow God's principles for keeping our promises. Jesus spoke to a crowd about keeping oaths in Matthew 5:33-37 (NIV), and I prefer it to Jack's advice for upping the ante: Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
Today's Challenge
Write out a list of all the commitments you have made. Put a checkmark in front of the ones you are keeping with ease. Highlight the ones that you need to re-negotiate. Take care of those today. Then write no with a highlighter on every day of your calendar to remind yourself to think twice about saying yes to new commitments you may not be able to keep.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Practice Uncommon Appreciation
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #53
Mother Teresa once said, There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. Today's lesson focuses on the power of expressing gratitude to others.
Understand the power of appreciation...and the lack of it.
Most employees, when asked, will tell their supervisors that the most important way to motivate them is to express appreciation. Unfortunately, most supervisors list appreciation low on their list of priorities. Many people in positions of leadership focus more on productivity than on employee satisfaction.
Nearly fifty percent of people leave their jobs because they feel unappreciated. I don't have the statistics to prove it, but I'd be willing to say that many spouses leave marriages for the same reason.
If we want to be successful at work and in our relationships, we must learn to master the art of appreciation. It doesn't cost us much, other than a few moments of our time.
There are three kinds of appreciation.
The brain takes in information in three different ways: auditory, visual, and kinesthetic. People receive gratitude via these pathways, with one of them being foremost for each individual.
Auditory people like to hear our appreciation. If we take the time to stop and speak to them, they are thrilled.
Visual people prefer to receive something that they can look at for a long time. They enjoy love letters, cards, flowers, plaques, certificates, gifts, and pictures.
Kinesthetic people need to feel our appreciation. They enjoy a hug, a handshake, a pat on the back, a massage, or time spent doing something active with them.
If we want to become a pro at expressing appreciation, we should learn which type people like. We can ask them to describe the most memorable expression of gratitude they have ever received. Their answer will help us to determine whether they are primarily auditory, visual, or kinesthetic receivers.
Master the perfect combination.
If we aren't sure which form of apprection a person likes best, we can combine all three. A pat on the back, a sincere compliment, plus a gift or card can help us to make our point.
As a teacher, I observed pretty quickly that students responded better to compliments than they did to criticism. My first year of trying to deal with inner-city children was a disaster. The teachers around me had no respect for these little people whose mothers were prostitutes and whose fathers were inmates. I had no one to model appreciation toward students.
The following year, I was blessed with a position in the same building as our county's Teacher of the Year. His kindergarten classroom was a quiet hum of activity. I observed students playing with live bunnies, listening to auditory books, and building with blocks. There were no fights breaking out over the sandbox or squabbles over the baby dolls. What was he doing differently?
As I observed this amazing man at work, I suddenly realized that he had a great deal of respect for the kids...the same inner-city mix I had encountered the year before. He was down on the floor, crawling on his hands and knees with them. With smiles and pats on the back, he expressed gratitude for their outstanding behavior with tokens that they could later trade for small rewards.
The Teacher of the Year understood Jack Canfield's principle of expressing uncommon appreciation. I immediately adopted this same practice with my students, and I was amazed by the turn-around. When I built up the kids with appreciation, they became incredibly eager to please me more. They actually enjoyed behaving well, because it earned them my respect, love, and appreciation.
Give thanks to others and to God.
Successful people practice thanking others, as well as thanking God for the blessings he gives. Paul wrote in I Thessalonians 5:16-18, Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. We are called to thank God and to appreciate others, even when things are not going perfectly for us. By remaining in a grateful mindset, we attract others to us. We also attract more of God's blessings.
Today's Challenge
Put an index card into your purse or pocket today. Every time you express appreciation to someone, put a checkmark on the card. Don't go to sleep tonight until you have expressed gratitude to at least 10 people. Repeat this daily until it becomes a habit.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Mother Teresa once said, There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. Today's lesson focuses on the power of expressing gratitude to others.
Understand the power of appreciation...and the lack of it.
Most employees, when asked, will tell their supervisors that the most important way to motivate them is to express appreciation. Unfortunately, most supervisors list appreciation low on their list of priorities. Many people in positions of leadership focus more on productivity than on employee satisfaction.
Nearly fifty percent of people leave their jobs because they feel unappreciated. I don't have the statistics to prove it, but I'd be willing to say that many spouses leave marriages for the same reason.
If we want to be successful at work and in our relationships, we must learn to master the art of appreciation. It doesn't cost us much, other than a few moments of our time.
There are three kinds of appreciation.
The brain takes in information in three different ways: auditory, visual, and kinesthetic. People receive gratitude via these pathways, with one of them being foremost for each individual.
Auditory people like to hear our appreciation. If we take the time to stop and speak to them, they are thrilled.
Visual people prefer to receive something that they can look at for a long time. They enjoy love letters, cards, flowers, plaques, certificates, gifts, and pictures.
Kinesthetic people need to feel our appreciation. They enjoy a hug, a handshake, a pat on the back, a massage, or time spent doing something active with them.
If we want to become a pro at expressing appreciation, we should learn which type people like. We can ask them to describe the most memorable expression of gratitude they have ever received. Their answer will help us to determine whether they are primarily auditory, visual, or kinesthetic receivers.
Master the perfect combination.
If we aren't sure which form of apprection a person likes best, we can combine all three. A pat on the back, a sincere compliment, plus a gift or card can help us to make our point.
As a teacher, I observed pretty quickly that students responded better to compliments than they did to criticism. My first year of trying to deal with inner-city children was a disaster. The teachers around me had no respect for these little people whose mothers were prostitutes and whose fathers were inmates. I had no one to model appreciation toward students.
The following year, I was blessed with a position in the same building as our county's Teacher of the Year. His kindergarten classroom was a quiet hum of activity. I observed students playing with live bunnies, listening to auditory books, and building with blocks. There were no fights breaking out over the sandbox or squabbles over the baby dolls. What was he doing differently?
As I observed this amazing man at work, I suddenly realized that he had a great deal of respect for the kids...the same inner-city mix I had encountered the year before. He was down on the floor, crawling on his hands and knees with them. With smiles and pats on the back, he expressed gratitude for their outstanding behavior with tokens that they could later trade for small rewards.
The Teacher of the Year understood Jack Canfield's principle of expressing uncommon appreciation. I immediately adopted this same practice with my students, and I was amazed by the turn-around. When I built up the kids with appreciation, they became incredibly eager to please me more. They actually enjoyed behaving well, because it earned them my respect, love, and appreciation.
Give thanks to others and to God.
Successful people practice thanking others, as well as thanking God for the blessings he gives. Paul wrote in I Thessalonians 5:16-18, Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. We are called to thank God and to appreciate others, even when things are not going perfectly for us. By remaining in a grateful mindset, we attract others to us. We also attract more of God's blessings.
Today's Challenge
Put an index card into your purse or pocket today. Every time you express appreciation to someone, put a checkmark on the card. Don't go to sleep tonight until you have expressed gratitude to at least 10 people. Repeat this daily until it becomes a habit.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
When in Doubt, Check it Out
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #52
Most of us waste valuable time and resources wondering what other people are thinking. Instead of asking others for clarification, we assume things, usually against ourselves. Successful people don't waste time assuming anything. They are quick to ask questions, because they're not afraid of rejection.
We imagine the worst when we don't know the truth.
There are so many situations where we can imagine the worst, because we simply don't know what's going on. For instance, if we have a biopsy performed, our minds tend to race to the worst-case scenario until the doctor provides us with the results. As soon as we hear the truth, our fears are released.
If we walk into work to discover our friend hurrying away from us, we tend to assume that they're angry with us. By taking the time to ask them what's going on, we might discover that they're ill and were rushing to the restroom. It's usually wise to check in when we're not sure about the facts.
Ask, "Do you mean...?"
Jack teaches something he calls the Do You Mean technique. He explains that most people don't immediately tell us the reasons behind their answers to our questions. Men, in particular, tend to keep their responses very brief. This causes a great deal of miscommunication between the sexes.
For instance, if I'm too tired to cook, I may ask Joe to take me out to eat. If he merely says no, I might instantly assume that he's mad at me, doesn't care about me, and so on. On the other hand, if I use Jack's Do You Mean technique, I can find out why Joe said no. Here are some sample questions:
Do you mean that you would rather be doing something else?
Do you mean that you want me to cook dinner, even though I'm tired?
Do you mean that you have to work late?
By asking these types of questions, I may discover that Joe has to work late and won't be home for dinner at all. Using this technique clears up a lot of misunderstandings.
Checking it out contributes to your success.
As a teacher, I quickly learned the importance of being clear about communication. I worked with a team of eight kindergarten teachers, who all shared in the work of instructing over 200 students. We met weekly for several hours to brainstorm, plan, and divide responsibilities. At the end of our meetings, the chairwoman double-checked with each member to clarify with us what she was expecting us to do in the upcoming week. This process helped all of us to feel confident about our roles, and we had very few misunderstandings.
By contrast, I later served at a different school system where no one worked as part of a grade-level team. Every teacher kept to herself, teaching what she had been for twenty or thirty years. When there was a building-wide staff meeting, the principal shot requests at us. She rarely checked with us to make sure that we understood our duties. As a result, there were frequent misunderstandings, and staff morale was very low.
Psalm 119:30 (NIV) says, I have chosen the way of truth. I think this is an excellent verse to post on the fridge or at our desks. Asking for clarification provides us with the facts in a hurry. And once we know the truth about a situation, we can take action to make corrections before things really go awry.
Clarifying is not micro-managing.
I would like to add that some people resent having us double-check with them. They don't like feeling that they are being micro-managed. There's a difference between saying, "Okay, I'll look forward to receiving your report on Wednesday;" and calling the person hourly to ask if the report is done. Asking for clarification does not mean we are controlling someone's every move.
For those of us who have suffered from PTSD or abuse, the urge to control others is strong. Letting go of that urge to control frees others to use their creativity and allows us to relax. We can clarify with others, but we must not micro-manage them.
Today's Challenge
Look for opportunities today to ask for clarification. Practice the Do You Mean technique to clear up any misunderstandings. Send me your comments to let me know how this works for you.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Most of us waste valuable time and resources wondering what other people are thinking. Instead of asking others for clarification, we assume things, usually against ourselves. Successful people don't waste time assuming anything. They are quick to ask questions, because they're not afraid of rejection.
We imagine the worst when we don't know the truth.
There are so many situations where we can imagine the worst, because we simply don't know what's going on. For instance, if we have a biopsy performed, our minds tend to race to the worst-case scenario until the doctor provides us with the results. As soon as we hear the truth, our fears are released.
If we walk into work to discover our friend hurrying away from us, we tend to assume that they're angry with us. By taking the time to ask them what's going on, we might discover that they're ill and were rushing to the restroom. It's usually wise to check in when we're not sure about the facts.
Ask, "Do you mean...?"
Jack teaches something he calls the Do You Mean technique. He explains that most people don't immediately tell us the reasons behind their answers to our questions. Men, in particular, tend to keep their responses very brief. This causes a great deal of miscommunication between the sexes.
For instance, if I'm too tired to cook, I may ask Joe to take me out to eat. If he merely says no, I might instantly assume that he's mad at me, doesn't care about me, and so on. On the other hand, if I use Jack's Do You Mean technique, I can find out why Joe said no. Here are some sample questions:
Do you mean that you would rather be doing something else?
Do you mean that you want me to cook dinner, even though I'm tired?
Do you mean that you have to work late?
By asking these types of questions, I may discover that Joe has to work late and won't be home for dinner at all. Using this technique clears up a lot of misunderstandings.
Checking it out contributes to your success.
As a teacher, I quickly learned the importance of being clear about communication. I worked with a team of eight kindergarten teachers, who all shared in the work of instructing over 200 students. We met weekly for several hours to brainstorm, plan, and divide responsibilities. At the end of our meetings, the chairwoman double-checked with each member to clarify with us what she was expecting us to do in the upcoming week. This process helped all of us to feel confident about our roles, and we had very few misunderstandings.
By contrast, I later served at a different school system where no one worked as part of a grade-level team. Every teacher kept to herself, teaching what she had been for twenty or thirty years. When there was a building-wide staff meeting, the principal shot requests at us. She rarely checked with us to make sure that we understood our duties. As a result, there were frequent misunderstandings, and staff morale was very low.
Psalm 119:30 (NIV) says, I have chosen the way of truth. I think this is an excellent verse to post on the fridge or at our desks. Asking for clarification provides us with the facts in a hurry. And once we know the truth about a situation, we can take action to make corrections before things really go awry.
Clarifying is not micro-managing.
I would like to add that some people resent having us double-check with them. They don't like feeling that they are being micro-managed. There's a difference between saying, "Okay, I'll look forward to receiving your report on Wednesday;" and calling the person hourly to ask if the report is done. Asking for clarification does not mean we are controlling someone's every move.
For those of us who have suffered from PTSD or abuse, the urge to control others is strong. Letting go of that urge to control frees others to use their creativity and allows us to relax. We can clarify with others, but we must not micro-manage them.
Today's Challenge
Look for opportunities today to ask for clarification. Practice the Do You Mean technique to clear up any misunderstandings. Send me your comments to let me know how this works for you.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Speak with Impeccability
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #51
Successful people learn to master their words. They say things that will build self-esteem, self-confidence, and dreams. Through positive words, successful people help others to reach their goals by affirming, encouraging, appreciating, loving, and accepting them.
Ephesians 4:29 reminds us, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Does this describe the way you talk?
Our words create changes in the energy that we give and receive.
Jack points out that if we express love and acceptance to others, they will experience love for us. If, on the other hand, we express judgment or contempt for others, we will get the same in return. Expressions of gratitude result in appreciation returned to us.
Everything that we say produces an effect in the world. Did you know that every sound ever uttered travels through space and continues on for light years across the universe? This fact, when I remember it, causes me to zip my lips. How many useless words have I uttered? How many times have I wasted my breath in saying something pointless or unkind?
It's important to consider whether our words are going to advance our goals of becoming the best version of ourselves. Does our speech uplift the people listening? Do our words inspire, motivate, or create forward momentum? We must also ask whether our words will create safety and trust, or whether they will instill fear in others.
Stop lying and gossiping.
Lying is the product of low self-esteem; it is the belief that we and our abilities are somehow not enough to get us what we want. It is also based on the false belief that we can't handle the consequences of people knowing the truth about us. As we learned yesterday, it is imperative that we say what is true at all times.
When we gossip about someone, it shows the rest of the world that we are the kind of person who regularly talks about others behind their backs. It makes people wonder if we will turn that verbal poison on them. It erodes trust.
Caesar Milan is an author and star of the TV show, The Dog Whisperer. He understands the minds of dogs better than most people do. Recently, he made the point that if a dog doesn't trust a human, he will have no respect for the man. As a result, the dog may bite his owner, tear up his home, and soil his carpets. Without respect, there can be no relationship between man and dog.
Much of what Caesar Milan has to say about dogs, I believe, can be applied to human relationships, as well. As an abuse survivor, I can say that it used to be very difficult for me to trust others. After experiencing so much hurt, it was easier to rely only on myself. The problem with this over-reliance on self was that it often made it difficult for me to respect others. I tended to be very critical of people, which didn't do much for my relationships with them.
This lack of trust creates a multitude of problems for abuse survivors, but we can learn to overcome them. We can begin by finding someone reliable whom we can trust. Through safe encounters with trustworthy people, we can learn what it means to respect someone, to admire them, and to eventually love them.
When I met Joe, there was something about his demeanor that gave me my first glimpse into trustworthiness. He had served in the Air Force with military intelligence. He knew things that were so confidential, to speak of them could bring about devastation for our nation.
In all the years that we have been married, Joe has never shared any of that top-secret information with me. I realized by his example that anyone can learn to keep quiet about confidential matters. And when a person keeps confidences, we begin to trust him. Joe was the first man I ever trusted. Out of that trust has grown tremendous respect, which has evolved into a beautiful love relationship between the two of us.
But everyone is gossiping!
Gossip is all around us. I can be as guilty as the next person if I'm not careful about what I say. We hear it at work, in our neighborhoods, at home, and even in church. We can check our own words, but what about those around us who won't quit gossiping? We can follow these practical tips to stop others from gossiping and to prevent ourselves from falling back into it:
1) Change the subject. Remember that gossip lowers us back to a place of mistrust, where most gossipers remain stuck.
2) Say something positive about the gossiper to re-direct his perspective.
3) Walk away from the conversation.
4) Keep your mouth shut.
5) Clearly state that you no longer want to participate in gossiping.
Today's Challenge
Pay close attention to the words that come out of your mouth today. How do you feel after speaking? Do your words make you feel happy, joyful, calm, or at peace? Or have they left you feeling pretty miserable? Check both your verbal and written words for impeccability and change any that are not uplifting to others and energizing to yourself.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Successful people learn to master their words. They say things that will build self-esteem, self-confidence, and dreams. Through positive words, successful people help others to reach their goals by affirming, encouraging, appreciating, loving, and accepting them.
Ephesians 4:29 reminds us, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Does this describe the way you talk?
Our words create changes in the energy that we give and receive.
Jack points out that if we express love and acceptance to others, they will experience love for us. If, on the other hand, we express judgment or contempt for others, we will get the same in return. Expressions of gratitude result in appreciation returned to us.
Everything that we say produces an effect in the world. Did you know that every sound ever uttered travels through space and continues on for light years across the universe? This fact, when I remember it, causes me to zip my lips. How many useless words have I uttered? How many times have I wasted my breath in saying something pointless or unkind?
It's important to consider whether our words are going to advance our goals of becoming the best version of ourselves. Does our speech uplift the people listening? Do our words inspire, motivate, or create forward momentum? We must also ask whether our words will create safety and trust, or whether they will instill fear in others.
Stop lying and gossiping.
Lying is the product of low self-esteem; it is the belief that we and our abilities are somehow not enough to get us what we want. It is also based on the false belief that we can't handle the consequences of people knowing the truth about us. As we learned yesterday, it is imperative that we say what is true at all times.
When we gossip about someone, it shows the rest of the world that we are the kind of person who regularly talks about others behind their backs. It makes people wonder if we will turn that verbal poison on them. It erodes trust.
Caesar Milan is an author and star of the TV show, The Dog Whisperer. He understands the minds of dogs better than most people do. Recently, he made the point that if a dog doesn't trust a human, he will have no respect for the man. As a result, the dog may bite his owner, tear up his home, and soil his carpets. Without respect, there can be no relationship between man and dog.
Much of what Caesar Milan has to say about dogs, I believe, can be applied to human relationships, as well. As an abuse survivor, I can say that it used to be very difficult for me to trust others. After experiencing so much hurt, it was easier to rely only on myself. The problem with this over-reliance on self was that it often made it difficult for me to respect others. I tended to be very critical of people, which didn't do much for my relationships with them.
This lack of trust creates a multitude of problems for abuse survivors, but we can learn to overcome them. We can begin by finding someone reliable whom we can trust. Through safe encounters with trustworthy people, we can learn what it means to respect someone, to admire them, and to eventually love them.
When I met Joe, there was something about his demeanor that gave me my first glimpse into trustworthiness. He had served in the Air Force with military intelligence. He knew things that were so confidential, to speak of them could bring about devastation for our nation.
In all the years that we have been married, Joe has never shared any of that top-secret information with me. I realized by his example that anyone can learn to keep quiet about confidential matters. And when a person keeps confidences, we begin to trust him. Joe was the first man I ever trusted. Out of that trust has grown tremendous respect, which has evolved into a beautiful love relationship between the two of us.
But everyone is gossiping!
Gossip is all around us. I can be as guilty as the next person if I'm not careful about what I say. We hear it at work, in our neighborhoods, at home, and even in church. We can check our own words, but what about those around us who won't quit gossiping? We can follow these practical tips to stop others from gossiping and to prevent ourselves from falling back into it:
1) Change the subject. Remember that gossip lowers us back to a place of mistrust, where most gossipers remain stuck.
2) Say something positive about the gossiper to re-direct his perspective.
3) Walk away from the conversation.
4) Keep your mouth shut.
5) Clearly state that you no longer want to participate in gossiping.
Today's Challenge
Pay close attention to the words that come out of your mouth today. How do you feel after speaking? Do your words make you feel happy, joyful, calm, or at peace? Or have they left you feeling pretty miserable? Check both your verbal and written words for impeccability and change any that are not uplifting to others and energizing to yourself.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Friday, January 7, 2011
Tell the Truth Faster
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #50
Most people avoid telling the truth for three reasons. They're afraid that it might make someone: 1) uncomfortable, 2) hurt, or 3) angry. If we don't tell the truth, we can't really live in reality, nor can others. Telling the truth frees everyone to deal with things the way they really are; not the way we wish they were.
What happens when you tell the truth?
When we withhold secrets about ourselves, it takes up a lot of our energy. On the other hand, when we release the truth about something or someone, our focus shifts away from what we were hiding to what God wants us to spend our lives doing.
For people who have been victims of incest, hiding the truth takes up an enormous amount of energy. It took me fifty years to speak the truth out loud. Prior to that time, I suffered from nightmares that robbed me of sleep and kept me in a fog through the day. I had a list of physical ailments as long as my arm.
After I told the truth about what had happened to me, I suddenly found that I had greater energy and clarity of mind. I began to complete tasks that had previously overwhelmed me. For the first time ever, I experienced joy.
What do you need to share?
Jack says that he believes the three things people most need to share are: 1) resentments that have built up; 2) the unmet needs that underlie those resentments; and 3) appreciations. I'd like to address the first two.
Survivors of incest harbor a lot of resentment against their parents, who failed to protect them from sexual abuse. When the very people we expected to keep us safe turned out to be the ones who hurt us the most; we can get into the unhealthy habit of dwelling daily on the pain of our past.
We can shift into a more positive state of mind by writing down our resentments on paper and telling God about how desperately neglected we felt as children. Even if our earthly parents have let us down, our heavenly Father never will.
I once went to a remote cabin and gathered hundreds of twigs from the forest floor. Carrying them to a fire ring, I sat with a hatchet and whacked each twig in half. With every blow of the blade, I told a truth about one of the many ways my mother had failed to meet my needs. When I was finished, I piled the twigs in the fire ring and set them ablaze. As the smoke rose heavenward, I told God that I was giving him all of my past pain. I felt an incredible release afterward, and my life's focus began to shift in a more positive direction.
When is the best time to tell the truth?
Generally, if we're asking ourselves when we should tell the truth, the answer is now. We'll probably be uncomfortable, and it may create lots of reactions. But telling the truth immediately is the right thing to do in most cases.
If we say, "But I don't want to hurt their feelings," we're telling a lie. What's really happening is that we don't want to hurt our own feelings. We're avoiding how we will feel when they get upset. This is the coward's way out. Hiding the truth always backfires. The longer we withhold it, the worse things get for everyone involved.
Once again, Dr. Seuss' quote comes to mind: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. This saying has given me the courage to tell the truth faster in many instances. The way I look at it, if someone blows their stack when I tell them the truth, they really don't matter in the big scheme of things.
One of the hardest conversations I ever had was with my mother. When I told her that my dad had molested me as a child, she refused to believe me. Instead, she rushed to my father's defense and fiercely clung to his denial. In that moment, I realized that my mother was one of those people who didn't matter. It was a sad revelation, but a freeing one.
As Jack pointed out, refusing to speak or hear the truth does not allow people to dwell in reality. Instead, they remain trapped in a world of their own invention. Are you living a real life or an imaginary one?
Proverbs 16:13 reads, Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth. Imagine trying to rule a kingdom surrounded by nothing but yes-men. How would a leader ever discern what was best for his subjects if his right-hand men were all afraid to tell him the truth?
How can we discern what's best for us if we're afraid to hear the truth about ourselves? How can we find the energy we need to cope with life if we're using it all up to hold back the truth?
Today's Challenge
On a sheet of paper, write down all of the resentments you feel toward people who have failed to meet your needs. In prayer, share your list with God and ask him to help you to speak the truth in love where it is appropriate. Make a commitment from this day forward to tell the truth faster. By doing so, you will free yourself and others to live in reality, not in an imaginary world that doesn't exist.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Most people avoid telling the truth for three reasons. They're afraid that it might make someone: 1) uncomfortable, 2) hurt, or 3) angry. If we don't tell the truth, we can't really live in reality, nor can others. Telling the truth frees everyone to deal with things the way they really are; not the way we wish they were.
What happens when you tell the truth?
When we withhold secrets about ourselves, it takes up a lot of our energy. On the other hand, when we release the truth about something or someone, our focus shifts away from what we were hiding to what God wants us to spend our lives doing.
For people who have been victims of incest, hiding the truth takes up an enormous amount of energy. It took me fifty years to speak the truth out loud. Prior to that time, I suffered from nightmares that robbed me of sleep and kept me in a fog through the day. I had a list of physical ailments as long as my arm.
After I told the truth about what had happened to me, I suddenly found that I had greater energy and clarity of mind. I began to complete tasks that had previously overwhelmed me. For the first time ever, I experienced joy.
What do you need to share?
Jack says that he believes the three things people most need to share are: 1) resentments that have built up; 2) the unmet needs that underlie those resentments; and 3) appreciations. I'd like to address the first two.
Survivors of incest harbor a lot of resentment against their parents, who failed to protect them from sexual abuse. When the very people we expected to keep us safe turned out to be the ones who hurt us the most; we can get into the unhealthy habit of dwelling daily on the pain of our past.
We can shift into a more positive state of mind by writing down our resentments on paper and telling God about how desperately neglected we felt as children. Even if our earthly parents have let us down, our heavenly Father never will.
I once went to a remote cabin and gathered hundreds of twigs from the forest floor. Carrying them to a fire ring, I sat with a hatchet and whacked each twig in half. With every blow of the blade, I told a truth about one of the many ways my mother had failed to meet my needs. When I was finished, I piled the twigs in the fire ring and set them ablaze. As the smoke rose heavenward, I told God that I was giving him all of my past pain. I felt an incredible release afterward, and my life's focus began to shift in a more positive direction.
When is the best time to tell the truth?
Generally, if we're asking ourselves when we should tell the truth, the answer is now. We'll probably be uncomfortable, and it may create lots of reactions. But telling the truth immediately is the right thing to do in most cases.
If we say, "But I don't want to hurt their feelings," we're telling a lie. What's really happening is that we don't want to hurt our own feelings. We're avoiding how we will feel when they get upset. This is the coward's way out. Hiding the truth always backfires. The longer we withhold it, the worse things get for everyone involved.
Once again, Dr. Seuss' quote comes to mind: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. This saying has given me the courage to tell the truth faster in many instances. The way I look at it, if someone blows their stack when I tell them the truth, they really don't matter in the big scheme of things.
One of the hardest conversations I ever had was with my mother. When I told her that my dad had molested me as a child, she refused to believe me. Instead, she rushed to my father's defense and fiercely clung to his denial. In that moment, I realized that my mother was one of those people who didn't matter. It was a sad revelation, but a freeing one.
As Jack pointed out, refusing to speak or hear the truth does not allow people to dwell in reality. Instead, they remain trapped in a world of their own invention. Are you living a real life or an imaginary one?
Proverbs 16:13 reads, Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth. Imagine trying to rule a kingdom surrounded by nothing but yes-men. How would a leader ever discern what was best for his subjects if his right-hand men were all afraid to tell him the truth?
How can we discern what's best for us if we're afraid to hear the truth about ourselves? How can we find the energy we need to cope with life if we're using it all up to hold back the truth?
Today's Challenge
On a sheet of paper, write down all of the resentments you feel toward people who have failed to meet your needs. In prayer, share your list with God and ask him to help you to speak the truth in love where it is appropriate. Make a commitment from this day forward to tell the truth faster. By doing so, you will free yourself and others to live in reality, not in an imaginary world that doesn't exist.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Have a Heart Talk
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #49
When feelings between business associates, friends, or family members don't get expressed appropriately, tension builds. If we're trying to work together to reach our goals, we cannot succeed if there's emotional static confusing our conversations.
Use Heart Talks to foster communication.
Cliff Durfee created something called the Heart Talk process, which Jack recommends. It is a very structured communication system that is used to release unexpressed emotions. The Heart Talk fosters rapport, understanding, and intimacy between people.
When can heart talks be useful?
Heart Talks are useful before meetings, when an emotionally charged event occurs, when there is conflict between people or groups; and on a regular basis at home, in the office, and in the classroom.
How is a Heart Talk conducted?
Begin a Heart Talk with 2 to 10 people. Explain that by following the guidelines, a safe, nonjudgmental space will be created to support everyone. Assemble the members in a circle and introduce the basic rules:
1) Only the person holding the heart (or other object) talks.
2) No one judges or criticizes what anyone else has said.
3) Pass the object to the left after your turn.
4) Talk about how you feel.
5) Keep the information you hear confidential.
6) Don't leave the room until everyone agrees that the talk is complete.
Post these guidelines where everyone can see them. If someone gets off track, point to the guideline they've broken.
Go around the group at least once so that everyone gets a turn. Keep starting over with the first person and going around until nobody has anything else to say. In that case, say 'pass' when the object reaches you.
What benefits can be expected from a Heart Talk?
A Heart Talk enhances people's listening skills, provides a constructive outlet for feelings, improves conflict resolution skills, enables people to let go of old resentments, develops mutual respect and understanding, and creates a sense of unity among the members.
More thoughts about the Heart Talk process.
I wish that I had known about the Heart Talk process before the holidays. It might have prevented the disastrous outcome we experienced when someone in the family verbally abused others and then stomped out in anger. The rest of us would have all been able to express our feelings honestly and completely if we had known about this process. As it is, we are left with unresolved emotions that are difficult to bring up.
Proverbs 29:22 (NIV) reads, An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins. I'm certain that the Heart Talk process probably works with most people. But I'm not so sure that abusers can be trusted within such a group. They generally have an agenda, and they typically remain angry, no matter what others do to try to help them. Beware of setting yourself up for further abuse if you attempt to do this one on one with an abusive person.
Today's Challenge
Choose to have a Heart Talk with an individual or small group of people today. Post the guidelines and facilitate the activity. Send me your comments about the outcome.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
When feelings between business associates, friends, or family members don't get expressed appropriately, tension builds. If we're trying to work together to reach our goals, we cannot succeed if there's emotional static confusing our conversations.
Use Heart Talks to foster communication.
Cliff Durfee created something called the Heart Talk process, which Jack recommends. It is a very structured communication system that is used to release unexpressed emotions. The Heart Talk fosters rapport, understanding, and intimacy between people.
When can heart talks be useful?
Heart Talks are useful before meetings, when an emotionally charged event occurs, when there is conflict between people or groups; and on a regular basis at home, in the office, and in the classroom.
How is a Heart Talk conducted?
Begin a Heart Talk with 2 to 10 people. Explain that by following the guidelines, a safe, nonjudgmental space will be created to support everyone. Assemble the members in a circle and introduce the basic rules:
1) Only the person holding the heart (or other object) talks.
2) No one judges or criticizes what anyone else has said.
3) Pass the object to the left after your turn.
4) Talk about how you feel.
5) Keep the information you hear confidential.
6) Don't leave the room until everyone agrees that the talk is complete.
Post these guidelines where everyone can see them. If someone gets off track, point to the guideline they've broken.
Go around the group at least once so that everyone gets a turn. Keep starting over with the first person and going around until nobody has anything else to say. In that case, say 'pass' when the object reaches you.
What benefits can be expected from a Heart Talk?
A Heart Talk enhances people's listening skills, provides a constructive outlet for feelings, improves conflict resolution skills, enables people to let go of old resentments, develops mutual respect and understanding, and creates a sense of unity among the members.
More thoughts about the Heart Talk process.
I wish that I had known about the Heart Talk process before the holidays. It might have prevented the disastrous outcome we experienced when someone in the family verbally abused others and then stomped out in anger. The rest of us would have all been able to express our feelings honestly and completely if we had known about this process. As it is, we are left with unresolved emotions that are difficult to bring up.
Proverbs 29:22 (NIV) reads, An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins. I'm certain that the Heart Talk process probably works with most people. But I'm not so sure that abusers can be trusted within such a group. They generally have an agenda, and they typically remain angry, no matter what others do to try to help them. Beware of setting yourself up for further abuse if you attempt to do this one on one with an abusive person.
Today's Challenge
Choose to have a Heart Talk with an individual or small group of people today. Post the guidelines and facilitate the activity. Send me your comments about the outcome.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Be Hear Now
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #48
Active listening--not just hearing--is the art of paying thoughtful attention to what a person is trying to communicate. It requires us to maintain eye contact, watch the speaker's body language, ask for clarification, and discern any unspoken messages.
Argue less and listen more.
Many people become defensive when we tell them that we are dissatisfied with some aspect of their behavior. Argumentative people who don't listen to constructive criticism generally fail to succeed in many endeavors.
If we want to be successful, we must learn to argue less and listen more. If we respond to feedback and adjust our actions, we can create more satisfying relationships, earn more respect from others, and reach our goals more quickly.
Be interested, rather than interesting.
For many abuse survivors, trying to carry on a conversation can be a challenge. We've been muted for so long, we don't know where to begin. We feel awkward with people we don't know well, and it's hard to trust ourselves to say something intelligent.
This tip should actually be easier for us than for many other people. Instead of trying to amuse, impress, or inform others; we can simply listen to what they have to say. When we become interested in others, we develop curiosity about what they feel, how they think, and how they see the world. We can discover their hopes, dreams, and fears. By doing this, others respond by seeking us!
In the movie, Being There, Peter Sellers was a mentally-challenged gardener whose wealthy employer died suddenly. Without anyone to look after his needs, Chancey Gardener went out into the world without a clue about how to manage his life. He was a man of so few words that everyone thought he was brilliant. He even managed to get himself elected President of the United States! Sometimes, the best way to impress others is to keep our mouths shut.
The wisdom behind active listening can also be found in Proverbs 18:13. He who answers before listening--that is his folly and his shame. We can't possibly answer anyone intelligently if we haven't taken the time to listen carefully to the message. We end up looking foolish or embarrassing ourselves when we fail to listen first.
Learn and apply these four powerful questions.
The next time you want to establish rapport with a business associate or a friend, try asking the following questions. Keep your mouth shut and listen to their responses. Jack swears you'll be amazed with the results, which he claims are magical.
1) If we were meeting three years from today, what has to have happened during that time for you to feel happy about your progress?
2) What are the biggest dangers you'll have to face and deal with in order to achieve that progress?
3) What are the biggest opportunities facing you that you would need to focus on and capture to achieve those things?
4) What strengths will you need to reinforce and maximize; and what skills and resources will you need to develop which you don't currently have in order to capture those opportunities?
Today's Challenge
Write down these four questions on an index card and carry it with you. Practice asking someone each question over lunch or dinner today. If the person doesn't want to answer the questions or can't come up with any responses, they are probably not the kind of individual with whom you should be doing business or forming close relationships. Either they may be unaware of their life purpose, or they don't trust others. In either case, reconsider how much of your time you should spend trying to help such closed-off people to achieve their goals.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Active listening--not just hearing--is the art of paying thoughtful attention to what a person is trying to communicate. It requires us to maintain eye contact, watch the speaker's body language, ask for clarification, and discern any unspoken messages.
Argue less and listen more.
Many people become defensive when we tell them that we are dissatisfied with some aspect of their behavior. Argumentative people who don't listen to constructive criticism generally fail to succeed in many endeavors.
If we want to be successful, we must learn to argue less and listen more. If we respond to feedback and adjust our actions, we can create more satisfying relationships, earn more respect from others, and reach our goals more quickly.
Be interested, rather than interesting.
For many abuse survivors, trying to carry on a conversation can be a challenge. We've been muted for so long, we don't know where to begin. We feel awkward with people we don't know well, and it's hard to trust ourselves to say something intelligent.
This tip should actually be easier for us than for many other people. Instead of trying to amuse, impress, or inform others; we can simply listen to what they have to say. When we become interested in others, we develop curiosity about what they feel, how they think, and how they see the world. We can discover their hopes, dreams, and fears. By doing this, others respond by seeking us!
In the movie, Being There, Peter Sellers was a mentally-challenged gardener whose wealthy employer died suddenly. Without anyone to look after his needs, Chancey Gardener went out into the world without a clue about how to manage his life. He was a man of so few words that everyone thought he was brilliant. He even managed to get himself elected President of the United States! Sometimes, the best way to impress others is to keep our mouths shut.
The wisdom behind active listening can also be found in Proverbs 18:13. He who answers before listening--that is his folly and his shame. We can't possibly answer anyone intelligently if we haven't taken the time to listen carefully to the message. We end up looking foolish or embarrassing ourselves when we fail to listen first.
Learn and apply these four powerful questions.
The next time you want to establish rapport with a business associate or a friend, try asking the following questions. Keep your mouth shut and listen to their responses. Jack swears you'll be amazed with the results, which he claims are magical.
1) If we were meeting three years from today, what has to have happened during that time for you to feel happy about your progress?
2) What are the biggest dangers you'll have to face and deal with in order to achieve that progress?
3) What are the biggest opportunities facing you that you would need to focus on and capture to achieve those things?
4) What strengths will you need to reinforce and maximize; and what skills and resources will you need to develop which you don't currently have in order to capture those opportunities?
Today's Challenge
Write down these four questions on an index card and carry it with you. Practice asking someone each question over lunch or dinner today. If the person doesn't want to answer the questions or can't come up with any responses, they are probably not the kind of individual with whom you should be doing business or forming close relationships. Either they may be unaware of their life purpose, or they don't trust others. In either case, reconsider how much of your time you should spend trying to help such closed-off people to achieve their goals.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
