Jack Canfield's Success Principle #44
Successful people constantly ask for advice from mentors who have triumphed over the same hardships in the past. Do you have a mentor?
Determine in advance what you want from a mentor.
Mentors can help us to see possibilities that we can't. Perhaps they can open doors for us. Or maybe they can refer us to someone else who can help. Sometimes a mentor simply validates what we're doing. In any case, we need to be specific about what we want them to do for us before we meet them.
I met with my mentor yesterday, with several specific questions regarding ways to protect my health. I had encountered two very abusive people during the holidays--people I would call crazymakers.
Through healing touch--a modality that involves prayer to strengthen our energy--I have overcome considerable pain and a lot of psychological junk in the past few seasons. In just a few days, those crazymakers undid a lot of the progress I had made. The pain was back, and so was the inner turmoil that I thought I had put behind me.
My mentor was wonderful. She validated my responses to the abusers, praising me for speaking truthfully to them and for naming their crazymaking behaviors accurately. She advised me to avoid these people in the future; neither one of them is helping me to achieve my goal of recovery from illness and abuse. She reminded me that all it takes is one encounter with a crazymaker to reactivate my PTSD.
I want to say to you, dear reader, that all of the success principles we've been discussing are useless if we live or work with people who make us crazy. It's impossible to be productive and successful when we're spending all of our time defending ourselves against their attacks. We must leave them behind if we want to live a healthy, peaceful, successful life.
Do your homework.
Everyone could use a mentor to help them with their profession, as well as with their personal pursuits. But where do we find them? We can read our specific industry magazines, look on the Internet, ask others in our profession, or attend seminars.
Most people are afraid to approach a mentor for advice. This is silly. Many well-rounded and experienced people are happy to share their secrets for success. By helping us, they can leave a legacy for the next generation.
So how do we approach a mentor? Here's a quick script that is similar to the one from The Success Principles:
Hello, Mrs. Smith. My name is Cheryl. We haven't met yet. I know you're a busy woman, so I'll be brief. I own a small life coaching business. Over the years, I've watched you building your business into one of the most successful in the country. I'm sure you encountered some challenges when you started out. Well, I'm in those early stages, trying to figure everything out. Mrs. Smith, I would really appreciate it if you would consider being my mentor. All that would mean is spending ten minutes on the phone with me once a month so that I could ask you a few questions. I'd really appreciate it. Would you be open to that?
Most mentors will agree when we put it to them this way. If someone turns us down, we must keep asking until we find a good match.
There is a network of over 10,000 retired business volunteers who offer advice. They work for SCORE, Service Corps of Retired Executives. We can find one of them at www.score.org.
I've utilized the services of the Small Business Development Center near me. They've been very helpful in teaching me how to set up my internet shop, Hope Quilts of Ohio. I found them by looking at www.sba.gov/sbdc.
Take action on your mentor's advice.
After we find a mentor, we must not waste her time by ignoring what she advised us to do. In my case, if I invited one of the crazymakers I recently encountered into my home, it would invalidate everything I learned from my mentor.
Be prepared to return the favor.
Whenever possible, we should try to help out our mentors. We can keep them informed about a new trend in our industry or call them with new opportunities for their businesses. One of the best ways to repay the favor is to pay it forward to someone else who needs a mentor. I know that the reason I am so interested in helping others is because so many wonderful women have helped me over the years.
Turn to God for advice, too.
When our mentors are unavailable to us, God is always there to provide wisdom and comfort. Psalm 91:4 is one of my favorite verses: He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge...
There have been many times in the past when an abuser rattled me so badly, I couldn't function. I turned to God, with this vision of being like a small bird nestling under the warmth and protection of his wing. He never failed to comfort me and give me the courage to go back out into the world and try again.
Today's Challenge
We can all use a mentor, either for business advice or life coaching. Figure out today where you need help, then identify someone more experienced than you are to help you reach your goals. Take the initiative to make that phone call and ask for the help you need. Remember, you get what you expect, so think positively about their response!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Say No to the Good So You Can Say Yes to the Great
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #43
Are you constantly chasing after misguided schemes for success, dedicating your time to activities that lead you away from your life's purpose? When we say yes to anything that takes us in the wrong direction, we're preventing God from blessing us with something better.
Bypass good opportunities to pursue great ones.
We've already learned that watching television, surfing the Internet, rescuing dysfunctional people, and gossiping on the phone are all time-wasting activities. But that's not exactly the point Jack is trying to make here.
He tells about Sylvester Stallone writing the screenplay for Rocky. Stallone was offered a lot of money for the story, but he wanted more: he insisted on playing the lead role. So he bypassed several good opportunities and found financial backers on his own.
He produced the movie on a measly $1 million budget in just 28 days. Rocky became an instant hit, earning over $225 million in 1976 and winning Stallone Oscars for best picture and best director. By foregoing some good opportunities, Stallone turned his venture into something really great.
What better activity could show up in your life if you were willing to say no to the good?
What do you fear?
In my opinion, a better question to ask would be: Why are you passing up great opportunities to settle for the mediocre? I believe that most people are afraid of failing, afraid of looking foolish, or afraid of the changes that tremendous success might bring. So they play it safe in mundane jobs and volunteer pursuits, all the while preventing great opportunities from surfacing because they keep themselves busy with run-of-the mill work and activities.
God promised to rescue his people and provide them with a land flowing with milk and honey. When they got close to Canaan, the leaders sent spies into the land. They came back carrying a single cluster of grapes that was so huge, two men had to bear the weight of it on a pole between them. It was truly unlike any place they had ever seen.
There was just one problem: the men were terrified of the giants who lived in the land. All but two of them didn't believe that God would help them conquer the inhabitants. Only Caleb and Joshua trusted God and encouraged the people to take over Canaan. As a result, Caleb and Joshua were the only Israelites out of the entire bunch who ever got to live there. (Numbers 13-14)
Are you afraid of going after your dreams? Or do you have the courage of Joshua and Caleb, who believed God's promises to bless them?
Clarify your life purpose.
Do you know what God's purpose is for your life? I know why God sent me to earth. Here's my purpose statement:
My purpose is to use my gifts to teach underprivileged, abused, and traumatized women new life skills so that they can learn how to thrive.
Since I know what my purpose is, it's easy to figure out when I should say yes to great opportunities that arise. I can use my gifts of writing, sewing, or success coaching to help others.
A group of women from church asked me to teach them how to make quilts a couple of years ago. I agreed, because it matched my purpose statement. Quilting turned out to be a great opportunity, because the women I teach are growing in their faith and abilities.
This great opportunity also brings in extra money when I sell quilts through my online store, Hope Quilts of Ohio. This extra income allows me to send money to a missionary in Pakistan who helps women achieve freedom from slavery by teaching them to sew.
Say no to anything that takes you off-track from your purpose.
Someone once asked me to teach Vacation Bible School. I agreed, because they were desperate for someone to work with five-year-olds: my area of expertise at the time. I ended up feeling tired and resentful every day that I worked with those kids. Just because I had a teaching degree didn't mean that good opportunity was a great one for me.
I have learned to discern when I am off-track. I compare opportunities to my life purpose, and if they aren't in-sync, I say no. We must all be careful to say no to good opportunities so that we can make time for the great ones.
Get some good advice.
Jack suggests some activities for bypassing the good and pursuing the great. He recommends talking to advisors about the potential in any new pursuit. We can ask questions of people who have traveled the same road before us. They can tell us how much time, money, effort, stress, and commitment will be required.
Test the waters first.
Don't just jump in with both feet when a new opportunity presents itself, Jack warns. We should run a test, spending a limited amount of time and money. If it's a new career field, we can take a part-time job for a little while to make sure we like it. If it's volunteer work, we can offer limited time to a project first to see if it's what we really should be doing.
Today's Challenge
Clarify your purpose statement to determine whether or not you're spending your time chasing after good opportunities or great ones. If you're headed in the wrong direction, make corrections today to get back on track.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Are you constantly chasing after misguided schemes for success, dedicating your time to activities that lead you away from your life's purpose? When we say yes to anything that takes us in the wrong direction, we're preventing God from blessing us with something better.
Bypass good opportunities to pursue great ones.
We've already learned that watching television, surfing the Internet, rescuing dysfunctional people, and gossiping on the phone are all time-wasting activities. But that's not exactly the point Jack is trying to make here.
He tells about Sylvester Stallone writing the screenplay for Rocky. Stallone was offered a lot of money for the story, but he wanted more: he insisted on playing the lead role. So he bypassed several good opportunities and found financial backers on his own.
He produced the movie on a measly $1 million budget in just 28 days. Rocky became an instant hit, earning over $225 million in 1976 and winning Stallone Oscars for best picture and best director. By foregoing some good opportunities, Stallone turned his venture into something really great.
What better activity could show up in your life if you were willing to say no to the good?
What do you fear?
In my opinion, a better question to ask would be: Why are you passing up great opportunities to settle for the mediocre? I believe that most people are afraid of failing, afraid of looking foolish, or afraid of the changes that tremendous success might bring. So they play it safe in mundane jobs and volunteer pursuits, all the while preventing great opportunities from surfacing because they keep themselves busy with run-of-the mill work and activities.
God promised to rescue his people and provide them with a land flowing with milk and honey. When they got close to Canaan, the leaders sent spies into the land. They came back carrying a single cluster of grapes that was so huge, two men had to bear the weight of it on a pole between them. It was truly unlike any place they had ever seen.
There was just one problem: the men were terrified of the giants who lived in the land. All but two of them didn't believe that God would help them conquer the inhabitants. Only Caleb and Joshua trusted God and encouraged the people to take over Canaan. As a result, Caleb and Joshua were the only Israelites out of the entire bunch who ever got to live there. (Numbers 13-14)
Are you afraid of going after your dreams? Or do you have the courage of Joshua and Caleb, who believed God's promises to bless them?
Clarify your life purpose.
Do you know what God's purpose is for your life? I know why God sent me to earth. Here's my purpose statement:
My purpose is to use my gifts to teach underprivileged, abused, and traumatized women new life skills so that they can learn how to thrive.
Since I know what my purpose is, it's easy to figure out when I should say yes to great opportunities that arise. I can use my gifts of writing, sewing, or success coaching to help others.
A group of women from church asked me to teach them how to make quilts a couple of years ago. I agreed, because it matched my purpose statement. Quilting turned out to be a great opportunity, because the women I teach are growing in their faith and abilities.
This great opportunity also brings in extra money when I sell quilts through my online store, Hope Quilts of Ohio. This extra income allows me to send money to a missionary in Pakistan who helps women achieve freedom from slavery by teaching them to sew.
Say no to anything that takes you off-track from your purpose.
Someone once asked me to teach Vacation Bible School. I agreed, because they were desperate for someone to work with five-year-olds: my area of expertise at the time. I ended up feeling tired and resentful every day that I worked with those kids. Just because I had a teaching degree didn't mean that good opportunity was a great one for me.
I have learned to discern when I am off-track. I compare opportunities to my life purpose, and if they aren't in-sync, I say no. We must all be careful to say no to good opportunities so that we can make time for the great ones.
Get some good advice.
Jack suggests some activities for bypassing the good and pursuing the great. He recommends talking to advisors about the potential in any new pursuit. We can ask questions of people who have traveled the same road before us. They can tell us how much time, money, effort, stress, and commitment will be required.
Test the waters first.
Don't just jump in with both feet when a new opportunity presents itself, Jack warns. We should run a test, spending a limited amount of time and money. If it's a new career field, we can take a part-time job for a little while to make sure we like it. If it's volunteer work, we can offer limited time to a project first to see if it's what we really should be doing.
Today's Challenge
Clarify your purpose statement to determine whether or not you're spending your time chasing after good opportunities or great ones. If you're headed in the wrong direction, make corrections today to get back on track.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Just Say No!
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #42
Successful people know how and when to say no to things without feeling guilty. Can you? Jack makes some suggestions to help us learn to say no.
Eliminate tasks, requests, and time stealers that don't have a high payoff.
Quit agreeing to things that make you unhappy or unproductive by creating a 'stop-doing list.' This list contains policies that you stick by, no matter what, such as never loaning your car to anyone, not scheduling social events on family night, and not giving money to people who call on the phone.
For victims of abuse, I think the list should include policies, such as: never let him talk disrespectfully to you; never feel guilty for spending money that you earned; never believe that every argument is your fault; never put up with his childish outbursts; never listen to his lame excuses for hurting you; and never lie to family and friends to cover up his behavior.
Consider giving up your cell phone and email.
I agree with Jack that cell phones cause a lot of interruptions, and email includes just as much junk mail as our mailboxes used to. But to give up both cell phone and email in this day and age is ridiculous. A person simply needs to discipline themselves to turn off the computer or their phone when it's time to work. Calls can be screened, and junk emails can be deleted without being read.
Figure out why it's so hard to say no.
Jack points out that we find it difficult to say no, because we've been programmed to be agreeable. When we were children, saying no bought us a spanking. At work, we could be disciplined for saying no to projects.
As a survivor of abuse, I can tell you that saying no to an abuser is a surefire way to get mistreated even more. The pain we experience from refusing to go along with the abusive person prevents us from saying what we truly want.
I meet women frequently who are terrified to speak up, due to past or current abuse. I call them 'go-along girls.' They rarely have an opinion, and if you ask them for a preference, they will undoubtedly shrug and say they don't care one way or the other. Even though it may be perfectly safe for them to make a choice in some settings, they will always defer to others. Fear has robbed them of their ability to think for themselves. The abuse has turned them into automatons who react to all requests with compliance. When a person's freedom to choose is shut down, so is their spirit.
One of my favorite quotes, which I keep on my fridge, was written by Dr. Seuss: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. Every time I read these words, I feel empowered. We have as much right as the next person to say what we think. And if we need to tell someone no, we should feel brave enough to say so.
Most abusers are bullies who crumple up like collapsible blow-up Christmas yard decorations if we merely stand up to them. When we are certain that we are safe from further abuse, saying no to our abusers and other boundary-busters is a great way to regain control of our lives.
Use Jack's excuse.
The next time someone asks you to do something that you don't want to do, use Jack's excuse: "It's not against you; it's for me." For instance, if someone asks you to volunteer on a committee, and it's not on your list of goals; you can simply say, "I'm saying no to you, not because I'm against what you are trying to do. I've been overcommitting myself, and I'm trying to carve out some more time for other things. I'm saying no for me." Most people will understand immediately and will respect you for your strength.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of things you plan to stop doing. Post the list on your refrigerator or above your computer. Include any request that makes you feel pressured, uncomfortable, or angry. The next time someone makes a request that is on your stop-doing list, remember to tell them that it's not against them...it's for you.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Successful people know how and when to say no to things without feeling guilty. Can you? Jack makes some suggestions to help us learn to say no.
Eliminate tasks, requests, and time stealers that don't have a high payoff.
Quit agreeing to things that make you unhappy or unproductive by creating a 'stop-doing list.' This list contains policies that you stick by, no matter what, such as never loaning your car to anyone, not scheduling social events on family night, and not giving money to people who call on the phone.
For victims of abuse, I think the list should include policies, such as: never let him talk disrespectfully to you; never feel guilty for spending money that you earned; never believe that every argument is your fault; never put up with his childish outbursts; never listen to his lame excuses for hurting you; and never lie to family and friends to cover up his behavior.
Consider giving up your cell phone and email.
I agree with Jack that cell phones cause a lot of interruptions, and email includes just as much junk mail as our mailboxes used to. But to give up both cell phone and email in this day and age is ridiculous. A person simply needs to discipline themselves to turn off the computer or their phone when it's time to work. Calls can be screened, and junk emails can be deleted without being read.
Figure out why it's so hard to say no.
Jack points out that we find it difficult to say no, because we've been programmed to be agreeable. When we were children, saying no bought us a spanking. At work, we could be disciplined for saying no to projects.
As a survivor of abuse, I can tell you that saying no to an abuser is a surefire way to get mistreated even more. The pain we experience from refusing to go along with the abusive person prevents us from saying what we truly want.
I meet women frequently who are terrified to speak up, due to past or current abuse. I call them 'go-along girls.' They rarely have an opinion, and if you ask them for a preference, they will undoubtedly shrug and say they don't care one way or the other. Even though it may be perfectly safe for them to make a choice in some settings, they will always defer to others. Fear has robbed them of their ability to think for themselves. The abuse has turned them into automatons who react to all requests with compliance. When a person's freedom to choose is shut down, so is their spirit.
One of my favorite quotes, which I keep on my fridge, was written by Dr. Seuss: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. Every time I read these words, I feel empowered. We have as much right as the next person to say what we think. And if we need to tell someone no, we should feel brave enough to say so.
Most abusers are bullies who crumple up like collapsible blow-up Christmas yard decorations if we merely stand up to them. When we are certain that we are safe from further abuse, saying no to our abusers and other boundary-busters is a great way to regain control of our lives.
Use Jack's excuse.
The next time someone asks you to do something that you don't want to do, use Jack's excuse: "It's not against you; it's for me." For instance, if someone asks you to volunteer on a committee, and it's not on your list of goals; you can simply say, "I'm saying no to you, not because I'm against what you are trying to do. I've been overcommitting myself, and I'm trying to carve out some more time for other things. I'm saying no for me." Most people will understand immediately and will respect you for your strength.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of things you plan to stop doing. Post the list on your refrigerator or above your computer. Include any request that makes you feel pressured, uncomfortable, or angry. The next time someone makes a request that is on your stop-doing list, remember to tell them that it's not against them...it's for you.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Build a Powerful Support Team and Delegate to Them
According to Jack Canfield, every high achiever has a powerful team of staff members, consultants, vendors, and assistants who do the bulk of the work. This frees the business person to create new sources of income and new opportunities for success. In my opinion, this chapter may be more helpful to high-powered business executives than to the average person.
Practice the Total Focus Process
Jack suggests this exercise for finding the one, two, or three activities that best utilize our core genius, bring us the most money, and produce the greatest level of enjoyment.
1) List every activity that occupies your time: business, personal, and volunteer. Include everything, even small tasks such as making phone calls and photocopying.
2) Choose one, two, or three activities that you do better than most other people. Then, choose the three activities that generate the most income. Focus on the activities that you're brilliant at and that produce the most income.
3) Create a plan for delegating everything else to other people. This may take a long time, but Jack asserts that if you keep chipping away the things that are mundane, you will create a brilliant career.
I like the idea of delegating some mundane tasks to free up time, but I don't believe that everything else should be delegated. I get my best plots for writing novels when I'm folding laundry. And Joe loves the physical exertion he gets from pushing the mower around the yard.
I'm not sure that focusing so much time on our core genius is the best plan. I can imagine people becoming very self-centered workaholics who under-appreciate the people who do all of their grunt work.
Seek out key staff members.
Becoming an entrepreneur early in life is one of the hallmarks of the most successful individuals. So, if you're a business owner, start looking for a dynamic manager who could learn everything that you do. Then, delegate less important tasks to her and concentrate on what you do best.
When I owned a drapery workroom and suddenly found myself paralyzed, I could have used a clone to take over for me. If you're running a business, please be sure that someone else can do your job. That way, if you become ill or temporarily disabled, she can step in for you so that your business can stay afloat.
If community volunteer work is your business, find others to help you. College interns and local foundations can be very supportive. I trained another quilter this summer to learn my role as team leader. It was very timely, because I was injured in a car accident, and she was able to keep the volunteers working until I could return.
For stay-at-home parents, Jack recommends seeking out a house cleaner, teenage helper, babysitter, or gardener to help. For single parents, he believes this support team is extremely important and should be chosen with great care.
In my opinion, most single parents don't have the resources to hire others. After my divorce, I recruited my kids! They helped do the yard work, toiled alongside me to rehab an old house, and performed weekly chores. My oldest son chauffeured the younger kids to school events while I worked.
Discover why you need personal advisors.
Everyone needs a powerful team of personal advisors. Jack believes that your team should include a banker, lawyer, accountant, investment counselor, doctor, nutritionist, personal trainer, and religious leader. He suggests keeping in touch with these advisors monthly, quarterly, or semiannually.
If a person can afford these advisors' services, I agree that they can be very helpful. But if their fees send us to the poor house, they won't do us quite so much good. Bartering with professionals to trade their services for something we can offer may be a good option if we're strapped for cash.
Trust the team members that you've chosen.
Jack recommends off-loading anything and everything that takes you away from focusing on your core genius...even personal projects. He tells about a man who sold his home and delegated the task of leasing a one-bedroom luxury apartment to his assistant. She selected the apartment, hired a moving van, packed the fragile items, supervised the movers, hired a cleaning crew, arranged the furniture, unpacked the boxes, and put everything away. All the while, he was on vacation in Florida.
This idea of delegating so completely makes me squirm. While there are parts of moving that I dislike, such as carrying countless boxes to a third floor apartment, I actually enjoy the satisfaction of turning a vacant room into an inviting retreat.
I think that most of us would be more comfortable asking others to help us, rather than completely delegating anything and everything outside of our core genius to someone else. I believe this sense of needing to work as a team comes from I Corinthians 12.
This chapter in the Bible speaks about Christians as if they are parts of a body: The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body...there should be no division in the body, but its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. (I Cor 12:12;25-26)
We weren't put on earth to do everything by ourselves. I agree with Jack that we need helpers and advisors, but I just don't think delegating so completely is realistic or well-balanced. Jesus came to earth as a servant to all, and I think we should be willing to roll up our sleeves to do even the most mundane tasks, just as he did.
Our executive minister took time out from his very busy schedule last week to help our daughter move. By doing so, he created an opportunity to model how a mature Christian man should help others. If he had chosen to sit in his office and simply delegate this work to others, he might have missed God's purpose for the interactions that arose. Like our minister, I would much rather be a servant leader than an absentee delegator.
Today's Challenge
Begin today to build a team of helpers and advisors to make your life more manageable. Look to your religious organization and surround yourself with successful people who can help you to become all that God intended you to be.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Practice the Total Focus Process
Jack suggests this exercise for finding the one, two, or three activities that best utilize our core genius, bring us the most money, and produce the greatest level of enjoyment.
1) List every activity that occupies your time: business, personal, and volunteer. Include everything, even small tasks such as making phone calls and photocopying.
2) Choose one, two, or three activities that you do better than most other people. Then, choose the three activities that generate the most income. Focus on the activities that you're brilliant at and that produce the most income.
3) Create a plan for delegating everything else to other people. This may take a long time, but Jack asserts that if you keep chipping away the things that are mundane, you will create a brilliant career.
I like the idea of delegating some mundane tasks to free up time, but I don't believe that everything else should be delegated. I get my best plots for writing novels when I'm folding laundry. And Joe loves the physical exertion he gets from pushing the mower around the yard.
I'm not sure that focusing so much time on our core genius is the best plan. I can imagine people becoming very self-centered workaholics who under-appreciate the people who do all of their grunt work.
Seek out key staff members.
Becoming an entrepreneur early in life is one of the hallmarks of the most successful individuals. So, if you're a business owner, start looking for a dynamic manager who could learn everything that you do. Then, delegate less important tasks to her and concentrate on what you do best.
When I owned a drapery workroom and suddenly found myself paralyzed, I could have used a clone to take over for me. If you're running a business, please be sure that someone else can do your job. That way, if you become ill or temporarily disabled, she can step in for you so that your business can stay afloat.
If community volunteer work is your business, find others to help you. College interns and local foundations can be very supportive. I trained another quilter this summer to learn my role as team leader. It was very timely, because I was injured in a car accident, and she was able to keep the volunteers working until I could return.
For stay-at-home parents, Jack recommends seeking out a house cleaner, teenage helper, babysitter, or gardener to help. For single parents, he believes this support team is extremely important and should be chosen with great care.
In my opinion, most single parents don't have the resources to hire others. After my divorce, I recruited my kids! They helped do the yard work, toiled alongside me to rehab an old house, and performed weekly chores. My oldest son chauffeured the younger kids to school events while I worked.
Discover why you need personal advisors.
Everyone needs a powerful team of personal advisors. Jack believes that your team should include a banker, lawyer, accountant, investment counselor, doctor, nutritionist, personal trainer, and religious leader. He suggests keeping in touch with these advisors monthly, quarterly, or semiannually.
If a person can afford these advisors' services, I agree that they can be very helpful. But if their fees send us to the poor house, they won't do us quite so much good. Bartering with professionals to trade their services for something we can offer may be a good option if we're strapped for cash.
Trust the team members that you've chosen.
Jack recommends off-loading anything and everything that takes you away from focusing on your core genius...even personal projects. He tells about a man who sold his home and delegated the task of leasing a one-bedroom luxury apartment to his assistant. She selected the apartment, hired a moving van, packed the fragile items, supervised the movers, hired a cleaning crew, arranged the furniture, unpacked the boxes, and put everything away. All the while, he was on vacation in Florida.
This idea of delegating so completely makes me squirm. While there are parts of moving that I dislike, such as carrying countless boxes to a third floor apartment, I actually enjoy the satisfaction of turning a vacant room into an inviting retreat.
I think that most of us would be more comfortable asking others to help us, rather than completely delegating anything and everything outside of our core genius to someone else. I believe this sense of needing to work as a team comes from I Corinthians 12.
This chapter in the Bible speaks about Christians as if they are parts of a body: The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body...there should be no division in the body, but its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. (I Cor 12:12;25-26)
We weren't put on earth to do everything by ourselves. I agree with Jack that we need helpers and advisors, but I just don't think delegating so completely is realistic or well-balanced. Jesus came to earth as a servant to all, and I think we should be willing to roll up our sleeves to do even the most mundane tasks, just as he did.
Our executive minister took time out from his very busy schedule last week to help our daughter move. By doing so, he created an opportunity to model how a mature Christian man should help others. If he had chosen to sit in his office and simply delegate this work to others, he might have missed God's purpose for the interactions that arose. Like our minister, I would much rather be a servant leader than an absentee delegator.
Today's Challenge
Begin today to build a team of helpers and advisors to make your life more manageable. Look to your religious organization and surround yourself with successful people who can help you to become all that God intended you to be.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Monday, December 27, 2010
Redefine Time
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #40
Today, we learn about how Jack Canfield divides his time between work, family, and recreation. He suggests three types of days: Best Results Days, Preparation Days, and Rest and Recreation Days.
Best Results Days
To achieve our best results, we need to spend at least 80% of our time working within our core genuius. Remember, our core genius means that we're working at something we love so much, we hardly feel like charging people for it. On a Best Results Day, we're achieving the highest payoffs for the amount of time we work.
A Best Results Day for me would be one spent writing, editing, quilting, speaking, or coaching other women. The payoff could be monetary, but it can also be the fulfillment of a dream. Hearing from a reader that I've changed her life for the better is a wonderful form of payment for me. Having plenty of money is nice, but serving God's purpose for my life is even better.
Preparation Days
When we prepare ourselves for more Best Results Days, we are learning a new skill, locating a better resource, training our team, or delegating tasks to others.
Preparation Days for me would include networking with other published authors, taking classes to learn better methods for helping women to thrive, attending a writers' conference, reading books such as The Success Principles, or attending a quilt show.
Rest and Recreation (R & R) Days
An R & R Day extends from midnight to midnight. It involves absolutely no work-related activity of any kind: no business-related meetings, phone calls, cell phone calls, e-mails, text messages, or reading. We are not availabe to our co-workers, clients, or students.
By setting strict boundaries around our R & R Days, we actually help others to become more self-reliant. If we aren't there to rescue them when a problem arises, they become more creative and self-confident.
Jack believes that all R & R Days do not include children, either. He suggests that we hire a babysitter, send the kids to visit relatives, or swap child care with neighbors and friends.
I think this is unrealistic. I could never have afforded that much child care, and I wouldn't have wanted to be away from my children that much. I do believe that parents need some time away from their kids, but not on every single R & R Day of the year.
Jack believes that it should be every person's goal to have 150 days off every year. By simply taking every weekend off from work, we immediately free up 104 days of rest. Adding another 46 days off in the form of long weekends, holiday weeks, and 2-week vacations brings our total up to 150 days without work.
For most women reading this, I can imagine them rolling their eyes at this one. There's an old saying: A man can work from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done. We may be able to curtail the business-related meetings, phone calls, emails, and reading; but we certainly cannot skip doing housework, cooking, and laundry that often. Our homes would be disaster areas, and the kids would be committing mutiny.
A wise minister's wife with eight children once told me that she had a rule about rest: no matter how much work was not completed by 7:00 in the evening, it would just have to wait for the next day. She headed for her recliner in the living room, where no children were allowed to disturb her for two hours. She spent the time reading and meditating while her husband put the kids to bed.
Joe and I have been completely out of balance in the area of R & R for years. We went to stay one night in a hotel recently when I needed to see a doctor out of state. I realized that it was the first time he and I had been alone in a hotel since our honeymoon! We have only taken one week-long vacation in ten years, and it was an exhausting disaster with our adopted daughter failing to adjust to the daily changes in her schedule.
The Travel Industry Association of America reported that the average vacation lasted 7.1 days in 1997. By 2001, it was down to 4.1 days. That report is 10 years old. I wonder how many people even take vacations anymore. Are others like we are, unable to go places due to a lack of funds? Are they tied down to two jobs, as Joe is, because our medical expenses consistently drain our reserves?
Our most pressing goal for 2011 is to work less. When we work too much, we experience burn-out, and nothing is pleasurable anymore. Taking more R & R Days can actually help us to work more efficiently, because rest helps us to see things more clearly and creatively.
Like many of Jack's success principles, this one is not new. God gave the Israelites the following command concerning rest: "For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest, holy to the Lord." (Ex 31:15) If we are in the habit of over-working, we can begin the new year by making sure that we at least rest on the Lord's day.
Today's Challenge
Take the following steps to achieve more Best Results Days, Preparation Days, and Rest and Recreation (R & R) Days:
1) Schedule four Preparation Days during 2011 to increase the productivity of your core genius.
2) Clear your 2011 calendar of activities that steal away time from your core genius so that you can focus on working within your life's purpose. You'll achieve far more Best Results Days by doing so.
3) Schedule at least four vacations in 2011, to include either long weekends or week-long vacations. If you don't plan them, they won't happen.
Start today to control your time. You'll be amazed by the changes in your productivity and happiness.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Today, we learn about how Jack Canfield divides his time between work, family, and recreation. He suggests three types of days: Best Results Days, Preparation Days, and Rest and Recreation Days.
Best Results Days
To achieve our best results, we need to spend at least 80% of our time working within our core genuius. Remember, our core genius means that we're working at something we love so much, we hardly feel like charging people for it. On a Best Results Day, we're achieving the highest payoffs for the amount of time we work.
A Best Results Day for me would be one spent writing, editing, quilting, speaking, or coaching other women. The payoff could be monetary, but it can also be the fulfillment of a dream. Hearing from a reader that I've changed her life for the better is a wonderful form of payment for me. Having plenty of money is nice, but serving God's purpose for my life is even better.
Preparation Days
When we prepare ourselves for more Best Results Days, we are learning a new skill, locating a better resource, training our team, or delegating tasks to others.
Preparation Days for me would include networking with other published authors, taking classes to learn better methods for helping women to thrive, attending a writers' conference, reading books such as The Success Principles, or attending a quilt show.
Rest and Recreation (R & R) Days
An R & R Day extends from midnight to midnight. It involves absolutely no work-related activity of any kind: no business-related meetings, phone calls, cell phone calls, e-mails, text messages, or reading. We are not availabe to our co-workers, clients, or students.
By setting strict boundaries around our R & R Days, we actually help others to become more self-reliant. If we aren't there to rescue them when a problem arises, they become more creative and self-confident.
Jack believes that all R & R Days do not include children, either. He suggests that we hire a babysitter, send the kids to visit relatives, or swap child care with neighbors and friends.
I think this is unrealistic. I could never have afforded that much child care, and I wouldn't have wanted to be away from my children that much. I do believe that parents need some time away from their kids, but not on every single R & R Day of the year.
Jack believes that it should be every person's goal to have 150 days off every year. By simply taking every weekend off from work, we immediately free up 104 days of rest. Adding another 46 days off in the form of long weekends, holiday weeks, and 2-week vacations brings our total up to 150 days without work.
For most women reading this, I can imagine them rolling their eyes at this one. There's an old saying: A man can work from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done. We may be able to curtail the business-related meetings, phone calls, emails, and reading; but we certainly cannot skip doing housework, cooking, and laundry that often. Our homes would be disaster areas, and the kids would be committing mutiny.
A wise minister's wife with eight children once told me that she had a rule about rest: no matter how much work was not completed by 7:00 in the evening, it would just have to wait for the next day. She headed for her recliner in the living room, where no children were allowed to disturb her for two hours. She spent the time reading and meditating while her husband put the kids to bed.
Joe and I have been completely out of balance in the area of R & R for years. We went to stay one night in a hotel recently when I needed to see a doctor out of state. I realized that it was the first time he and I had been alone in a hotel since our honeymoon! We have only taken one week-long vacation in ten years, and it was an exhausting disaster with our adopted daughter failing to adjust to the daily changes in her schedule.
The Travel Industry Association of America reported that the average vacation lasted 7.1 days in 1997. By 2001, it was down to 4.1 days. That report is 10 years old. I wonder how many people even take vacations anymore. Are others like we are, unable to go places due to a lack of funds? Are they tied down to two jobs, as Joe is, because our medical expenses consistently drain our reserves?
Our most pressing goal for 2011 is to work less. When we work too much, we experience burn-out, and nothing is pleasurable anymore. Taking more R & R Days can actually help us to work more efficiently, because rest helps us to see things more clearly and creatively.
Like many of Jack's success principles, this one is not new. God gave the Israelites the following command concerning rest: "For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest, holy to the Lord." (Ex 31:15) If we are in the habit of over-working, we can begin the new year by making sure that we at least rest on the Lord's day.
Today's Challenge
Take the following steps to achieve more Best Results Days, Preparation Days, and Rest and Recreation (R & R) Days:
1) Schedule four Preparation Days during 2011 to increase the productivity of your core genius.
2) Clear your 2011 calendar of activities that steal away time from your core genius so that you can focus on working within your life's purpose. You'll achieve far more Best Results Days by doing so.
3) Schedule at least four vacations in 2011, to include either long weekends or week-long vacations. If you don't plan them, they won't happen.
Start today to control your time. You'll be amazed by the changes in your productivity and happiness.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Coping with Toxic People During the Holidays
Christmas is supposed to be the happiest time of the year. But when we live with toxic people, it can be one of the most miserable. We encounter ex-spouses, extended family members, in-laws, parents, and adult children who can turn our hearts inside-out with poisonous words.
Jesus' brother, James, wrote: All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. (James 3:7-10)
It has become almost a joke in our family that it wouldn't be Christmas if someone didn't say something so hateful, it left a roomful of people in tears. This year has been no exception to that tradition. Today, we feel as one would expect to following a funeral or a tragic accident. One awful incident has followed another for several days, and we feel like people suffering from shock.
I'd like to offer some suggestions for coping with toxic people during the holidays.
1) Avoid family gatherings where the family abuser will hurt you.
Counselors and psychologists have frequently told me to avoid family gatherings during the holidays. The emotional setbacks that I experience from encounters with abusers cost me too much. The verbal abuse gets internalized, and physical symptoms arise shortly afterward.
2) Create new traditions that don't involve abusers.
If we keep doing the same thing every year for the holidays, we will continue to get the same results. Stepping into a family gathering where someone sees us as an easy target is just foolish. We can choose, instead, to spend the holiday with needy children, homeless people, prisoners, the elderly, or people in hospitals. At least they will be grateful for our presence.
In spite of the objections that we may receive from family, there is nothing wrong with choosing to spend Christmas alone in the peace and quiet of our own home. Today, I am writing this Christmas blog as my gift to you, dear reader. I pray that it will help you to cope with the sorrows that the holidays will inevitably bring. Even if no one gives you a tongue-lashing this year, I know that you may still be experiencing the pain of Christmases past.
3) Celebrate the joy of Christ's birth throughout the year.
In 2011, I'm going to celebrate one-twelfth of Christmas each month on the 25th. I'll send a letter to old friends, call family members who are safe, invite someone special to share a meal with me, or take someone on an excursion to a museum, theater, or musical event.
4) Practice excellent self care.
The best Christmas gift we can give is to take excellent care of ourselves. This means that we seek professional counseling when it is warranted, eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, get the sleep we need, take time for pleasurable activities, and connect with God daily. We can also seek the help of practitioners of massage therapy, accupuncture, healing touch, or other alternative therapies that help us to remain strong.
When we are strong, abusers don't target us as frequently. And if they do, we are better prepared to create boundaries to protect ourselves. After we have encountered someone hurtful, we can bounce back more quickly if we are already practicing good self care.
Today's Challenge
If someone has once again given you the gift of abuse this year, take time to work through the emotional pain. Remember the four steps we learned earlier for confronting the people who hurt us, if it is safe. Otherwise, practice confrontation by letter or role playing, as follows:
1) Express the anger you feel when you experience abuse;
2) Express the hurt that goes along with the anger;
3) Tell the person specifically what you need from them; and
4) Set them and yourself free with acknowledgement, forgiveness, or love.
God bless you today and every Christmas with the love and joy of knowing Christ.
Jesus' brother, James, wrote: All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. (James 3:7-10)
It has become almost a joke in our family that it wouldn't be Christmas if someone didn't say something so hateful, it left a roomful of people in tears. This year has been no exception to that tradition. Today, we feel as one would expect to following a funeral or a tragic accident. One awful incident has followed another for several days, and we feel like people suffering from shock.
I'd like to offer some suggestions for coping with toxic people during the holidays.
1) Avoid family gatherings where the family abuser will hurt you.
Counselors and psychologists have frequently told me to avoid family gatherings during the holidays. The emotional setbacks that I experience from encounters with abusers cost me too much. The verbal abuse gets internalized, and physical symptoms arise shortly afterward.
2) Create new traditions that don't involve abusers.
If we keep doing the same thing every year for the holidays, we will continue to get the same results. Stepping into a family gathering where someone sees us as an easy target is just foolish. We can choose, instead, to spend the holiday with needy children, homeless people, prisoners, the elderly, or people in hospitals. At least they will be grateful for our presence.
In spite of the objections that we may receive from family, there is nothing wrong with choosing to spend Christmas alone in the peace and quiet of our own home. Today, I am writing this Christmas blog as my gift to you, dear reader. I pray that it will help you to cope with the sorrows that the holidays will inevitably bring. Even if no one gives you a tongue-lashing this year, I know that you may still be experiencing the pain of Christmases past.
3) Celebrate the joy of Christ's birth throughout the year.
In 2011, I'm going to celebrate one-twelfth of Christmas each month on the 25th. I'll send a letter to old friends, call family members who are safe, invite someone special to share a meal with me, or take someone on an excursion to a museum, theater, or musical event.
4) Practice excellent self care.
The best Christmas gift we can give is to take excellent care of ourselves. This means that we seek professional counseling when it is warranted, eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, get the sleep we need, take time for pleasurable activities, and connect with God daily. We can also seek the help of practitioners of massage therapy, accupuncture, healing touch, or other alternative therapies that help us to remain strong.
When we are strong, abusers don't target us as frequently. And if they do, we are better prepared to create boundaries to protect ourselves. After we have encountered someone hurtful, we can bounce back more quickly if we are already practicing good self care.
Today's Challenge
If someone has once again given you the gift of abuse this year, take time to work through the emotional pain. Remember the four steps we learned earlier for confronting the people who hurt us, if it is safe. Otherwise, practice confrontation by letter or role playing, as follows:
1) Express the anger you feel when you experience abuse;
2) Express the hurt that goes along with the anger;
3) Tell the person specifically what you need from them; and
4) Set them and yourself free with acknowledgement, forgiveness, or love.
God bless you today and every Christmas with the love and joy of knowing Christ.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Stay Focused on Your Core Genius
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #39
Jack believes in something he has called core genius: the one thing that we love to do and do so well that we hardly feel right charging people money for doing it. It's effortless and a whole lot of fun.
Delegate completely for greater success.
Many successful people delegate mundane tasks to others so that they are free to pursue their core genius. People like golfer Tiger Woods, baseball great Sammy Sosa, and professional trainer Anthony Robbins all delegate. Why?
Consider that it takes Sammy Sosa about 1 second to hit a home run. At the writing of The Success Principles, he was earning $10,625,000 for about 70 seconds of batting time each year. Perfecting his core genius pays off a lot more for him than if he spends his time raking his leaves or changing his oil.
If I could earn $75 per hour and pay a neighborhood kid $10 per hour to cut the grass, why would I ever mow the lawn? Over the course of 20 weekends, I could earn an extra $65 per hour. That would net me an extra $1,300 per year.
Most people never delegate. Why? We don't believe it's right to pay others to do our work. We think people will see us as snobs, or we're afraid to give up control of what we do. This is ridiculous.
Jack stresses the importance of delegating a task completely. For instance, if I hire a teen to mow my lawn, I should tell him how I want it done at the beginning of the season. I shouldn't spend time every week explaining the tasks to him. I give him the freedom to do the work, which frees me to work on my core genius: writing.
Do what you love, and the money will follow.
The worst mistake we can make is to start out with the goal of just making a lot of money. If we diligently practice what we have a talent for doing, the money will flow our way. I know a lot of people who work in jobs that they hate, because they're trying to stay afloat. They never have time to do what they really love, because they're focused on paying the bills.
We all have to take care of ourselves, and the bills must be paid. But wouldn't it be a lot more fun to make stained glass windows, run a summer camp for kids, write novels, or design jewelry than to slave at a desk in jobs we hate?
Today's Challenge
Make a list of mundane tasks that you do every day which could be delegated to someone else. Direct your kids or your spouse to help with some of the things you do. Hire a teen to mow the lawn, shovel snow, or rake leaves. Contract with a cleaning service so that you are free to pursue your core genius. Delegate just one thing and use that time to start doing something great with your life.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Jack believes in something he has called core genius: the one thing that we love to do and do so well that we hardly feel right charging people money for doing it. It's effortless and a whole lot of fun.
Delegate completely for greater success.
Many successful people delegate mundane tasks to others so that they are free to pursue their core genius. People like golfer Tiger Woods, baseball great Sammy Sosa, and professional trainer Anthony Robbins all delegate. Why?
Consider that it takes Sammy Sosa about 1 second to hit a home run. At the writing of The Success Principles, he was earning $10,625,000 for about 70 seconds of batting time each year. Perfecting his core genius pays off a lot more for him than if he spends his time raking his leaves or changing his oil.
If I could earn $75 per hour and pay a neighborhood kid $10 per hour to cut the grass, why would I ever mow the lawn? Over the course of 20 weekends, I could earn an extra $65 per hour. That would net me an extra $1,300 per year.
Most people never delegate. Why? We don't believe it's right to pay others to do our work. We think people will see us as snobs, or we're afraid to give up control of what we do. This is ridiculous.
Jack stresses the importance of delegating a task completely. For instance, if I hire a teen to mow my lawn, I should tell him how I want it done at the beginning of the season. I shouldn't spend time every week explaining the tasks to him. I give him the freedom to do the work, which frees me to work on my core genius: writing.
Do what you love, and the money will follow.
The worst mistake we can make is to start out with the goal of just making a lot of money. If we diligently practice what we have a talent for doing, the money will flow our way. I know a lot of people who work in jobs that they hate, because they're trying to stay afloat. They never have time to do what they really love, because they're focused on paying the bills.
We all have to take care of ourselves, and the bills must be paid. But wouldn't it be a lot more fun to make stained glass windows, run a summer camp for kids, write novels, or design jewelry than to slave at a desk in jobs we hate?
Today's Challenge
Make a list of mundane tasks that you do every day which could be delegated to someone else. Direct your kids or your spouse to help with some of the things you do. Hire a teen to mow the lawn, shovel snow, or rake leaves. Contract with a cleaning service so that you are free to pursue your core genius. Delegate just one thing and use that time to start doing something great with your life.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Fuel Your Success with Passion and Enthusiasm
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #38
Passion is a spiritual force that comes from within. If we can channel it, we can accomplish amazing things. Enthusiasm is similar to passion: the word enthusiasm means 'to be filled with God.'
Having a purpose fills us with passion and enthusiasm. When we know for sure what our purpose is, we can't wait to get up in the morning. We love what we do and enjoy every minute of it. Jack claims that if we know our purpose and we're having fun fulfilling it, we are already a success.
Each of us was put on earth by God to fulfill a particular purpose. In Exodus 9:16, God told Moses to say to Pharaoh: "But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." God made Pharaoh great in Egypt so that he could carry out his purposes for mankind. Like Pharaoh, God set each of us specifically where we are at the right time so that we could fulfill our purpose for him.
Do you know what your purpose is? I know that mine is to write so that survivors of incest, abuse, and trauma will be encouraged. Monty Roberts, the horse whisperer, knows that he was born to train throughbread horses to consistently win championships. Rafe Esquith, a fifth grade teacher in inner-city Los Angeles, knows that he was put here to teach kids that no one else believes in.
I ask people what their purpose is all the time, and most of them have no clue why God sent them to earth. This always surprises me. I suppose that survivors of abuse and trauma have spent so much of their lives just trying to survive, that they have difficulty dreaming of something better.
If we were going to take a road trip, wouldn't we plan our destination and mark out our route on a map? Life is like a road trip. If we don't know where we're going, how can we possibly feel good about our daily activities? How can we tell that they are meaningful if we have no direction? And if all we do along the way is run around putting out fires, how will we ever get where we're supposed to go?
Jack suggests working from what we feel passionate about to find our purpose. If we pretend that we've won the lottery and have everything we have ever wanted, we can ask ourselves what we would do with our free time. By following these recommendations, we may very well stumble upon the one thing we truly love to do. When we are working within our purpose, time seems to fly by. We are willing to work hard at what we love, even when we're not getting paid for it.
When we finally find the one thing that makes our heart sing, and we apply all of our energies toward that pursuit; Jack says that others will be attracted to us and will do whatever it takes to support our dreams and goals. So what are we waiting for?
Today's Challenge
Take some time to daydream about what you would do with your life if you had millions of dollars in the bank and plenty of free time. If you're stuck, think about what activities make you so energized that you lose all track of time while doing them. Write down the one thing that you would do without pay because you enjoy it so much. When you figure out what that one thing is, you will know your purpose.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Passion is a spiritual force that comes from within. If we can channel it, we can accomplish amazing things. Enthusiasm is similar to passion: the word enthusiasm means 'to be filled with God.'
Having a purpose fills us with passion and enthusiasm. When we know for sure what our purpose is, we can't wait to get up in the morning. We love what we do and enjoy every minute of it. Jack claims that if we know our purpose and we're having fun fulfilling it, we are already a success.
Each of us was put on earth by God to fulfill a particular purpose. In Exodus 9:16, God told Moses to say to Pharaoh: "But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." God made Pharaoh great in Egypt so that he could carry out his purposes for mankind. Like Pharaoh, God set each of us specifically where we are at the right time so that we could fulfill our purpose for him.
Do you know what your purpose is? I know that mine is to write so that survivors of incest, abuse, and trauma will be encouraged. Monty Roberts, the horse whisperer, knows that he was born to train throughbread horses to consistently win championships. Rafe Esquith, a fifth grade teacher in inner-city Los Angeles, knows that he was put here to teach kids that no one else believes in.
I ask people what their purpose is all the time, and most of them have no clue why God sent them to earth. This always surprises me. I suppose that survivors of abuse and trauma have spent so much of their lives just trying to survive, that they have difficulty dreaming of something better.
If we were going to take a road trip, wouldn't we plan our destination and mark out our route on a map? Life is like a road trip. If we don't know where we're going, how can we possibly feel good about our daily activities? How can we tell that they are meaningful if we have no direction? And if all we do along the way is run around putting out fires, how will we ever get where we're supposed to go?
Jack suggests working from what we feel passionate about to find our purpose. If we pretend that we've won the lottery and have everything we have ever wanted, we can ask ourselves what we would do with our free time. By following these recommendations, we may very well stumble upon the one thing we truly love to do. When we are working within our purpose, time seems to fly by. We are willing to work hard at what we love, even when we're not getting paid for it.
When we finally find the one thing that makes our heart sing, and we apply all of our energies toward that pursuit; Jack says that others will be attracted to us and will do whatever it takes to support our dreams and goals. So what are we waiting for?
Today's Challenge
Take some time to daydream about what you would do with your life if you had millions of dollars in the bank and plenty of free time. If you're stuck, think about what activities make you so energized that you lose all track of time while doing them. Write down the one thing that you would do without pay because you enjoy it so much. When you figure out what that one thing is, you will know your purpose.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Stay Motivated with the Masters
Jack Canfield's Success Principles #37
Achieving success takes a lot of work, and Jack doesn't think that a weekend workshop here and there is enough. He recommends listening to audio programs from motivational speakers daily.
The average person commutes 30 minutes each day to and from work. If that time were used to listen to audio tapes, we could put in 1,250 hours of learning, which is the equivalent of a college education.
Jeff Arch was successfully running a karate school in 1989, but he wanted to be a writer. He ordered Tony Robbins' Personal Power audio tapes and went on to write a screenplay in less than a month. Three months later, he sold that screenplay, Sleepless in Seattle, for a quarter of a million dollars. If an audio program can launch a multi-million dollar screenwriting career, isn't it worth taking advantage of similar resources?
The Bible encourages us to use our minds to focus on thoughts that will improve our lives. It says: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.(Phil 4:8)
I've said this before, but it bears repeating: the Bible is an excellent source of motivation, and it is also available as audio programs. I have listened to the Gopel of John and Matthew so many times, I have nearly memorized portions of them.
One of my short-term goals is to learn Spanish. I checked out a Spanish audio program from the library last week. While I'm working around the house, I'm listening to it and perfecting my accent. It's surprising how quickly I'm picking up the language.
In years past, Joe barely had time for reading. He was lucky if he finished five books in twelve months. After moving far from the city last year, Joe decided that he would listen to audio tapes during his long commute. He turned a lot of wasted time into a wonderful learning tool. He is now finishing one or two books every week.
Jack lists his favorite motivational audio programs on pages 441 through 451 in The Success Principles. We can find that same list at www.thesuccessprinciples.com. Whether we choose motivational programs, languages, or biographies of successful people, we can surely profit from listening to something more beneficial than the same songs we've been hearing daily on the radio or the mindless drivel on the TV.
Today's Challenge
Consider your daily schedule and think about when you could fit in audio programs. Perhaps you can listen while driving, exercising, doing housework, or while waiting to pick up the kids. This week, go to the library to select one audio program that will advance you closer to one of your goals.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Achieving success takes a lot of work, and Jack doesn't think that a weekend workshop here and there is enough. He recommends listening to audio programs from motivational speakers daily.
The average person commutes 30 minutes each day to and from work. If that time were used to listen to audio tapes, we could put in 1,250 hours of learning, which is the equivalent of a college education.
Jeff Arch was successfully running a karate school in 1989, but he wanted to be a writer. He ordered Tony Robbins' Personal Power audio tapes and went on to write a screenplay in less than a month. Three months later, he sold that screenplay, Sleepless in Seattle, for a quarter of a million dollars. If an audio program can launch a multi-million dollar screenwriting career, isn't it worth taking advantage of similar resources?
The Bible encourages us to use our minds to focus on thoughts that will improve our lives. It says: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.(Phil 4:8)
I've said this before, but it bears repeating: the Bible is an excellent source of motivation, and it is also available as audio programs. I have listened to the Gopel of John and Matthew so many times, I have nearly memorized portions of them.
One of my short-term goals is to learn Spanish. I checked out a Spanish audio program from the library last week. While I'm working around the house, I'm listening to it and perfecting my accent. It's surprising how quickly I'm picking up the language.
In years past, Joe barely had time for reading. He was lucky if he finished five books in twelve months. After moving far from the city last year, Joe decided that he would listen to audio tapes during his long commute. He turned a lot of wasted time into a wonderful learning tool. He is now finishing one or two books every week.
Jack lists his favorite motivational audio programs on pages 441 through 451 in The Success Principles. We can find that same list at www.thesuccessprinciples.com. Whether we choose motivational programs, languages, or biographies of successful people, we can surely profit from listening to something more beneficial than the same songs we've been hearing daily on the radio or the mindless drivel on the TV.
Today's Challenge
Consider your daily schedule and think about when you could fit in audio programs. Perhaps you can listen while driving, exercising, doing housework, or while waiting to pick up the kids. This week, go to the library to select one audio program that will advance you closer to one of your goals.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Monday, December 20, 2010
Learn More to Earn More
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #36
In today's lesson, Jack provides some practical suggestions for acquiring the knowledge we need to achieve our goals. Some simple changes in daily routines can substantially increase our level of success.
Decrease your television time.
The average American watches 6 hours of television every day. If we spend that much time in front of the boob tube, by the time we are 60, we will have wasted 15 years of our lives!
I am definitely not average, because I couldn't stand to watch 6 hours of TV a year. I gave up watching television decades ago, because I simply did not have the time to waste when I was teaching full time, studying for a post-graduate degree, writing a book, and raising babies. I have never regretted this decision, and I'm sure you won't either if you decide to curb your viewing.
Instead of watching TV, we can read a book, take an exercise class, learn to play an instrument, play with our kids, or spend time with our mates. Reading inspirational or informational books really fast-forwards us toward our goals.
The Bible, in my opinion, is the best book we can read. Romans 12:2 tells us, Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Learn to read faster.
If you're a slow reader, Jack recommends a self-study course or workshop from Learning Strategies Corporation. Check them out at www.learningstrategies.com.
Read one book every week.
If we make the commitment to read one book every week, review what we read, and apply at least one thing we have learned from each book; we will arrive at our goals much more quickly than the average person. The Success Principles lists books that Jack recommends on pages 441 to 451.
Read biographies of great people.
Reading about successful people can give us some excellent resources for our own lives. Jack provides a note about Great Life Network, a company that provides print and audio materials about the world's most recognized people. Take a look at www.greatlifenetwork.com.
Attend success seminars, conferences, and retreats.
We can learn a lot and network with important people by attending success seminars, professional conferences, and retreats. Check out the local paper for upcoming events.
Remain teachable.
The most successful people in life are the ones who are always open to learning something. People who think they know everything rarely get ahead in life.
Be prepared when opportunity knocks.
If we have a dream, we must continually prepare ourselves to grab onto that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity when it comes our way. For me, this means that I must continually polish my writing skills, keep my manuscripts ready for review on a moment's notice, and network with people who can help me get published. If I'm unprepared when an agent contacts me for a book proposal, I may miss my chance.
Figure out what you need to do to get ready.
If we want something, we must figure out what we need to do to get ready for it. I once met an eighth grader who told me that he had a dream of climbing Pike's Peak. I asked him what he was doing to prepare himself for that challenge. He surprised me by saying that he had spent his spring break hiking in the Pyrenees Mountains along the French-Spanish border! I'll bet he made it to Pike's Peak long ago, because he had a clear goal and was preparing himself for the challenge.
Attend personal therapy and counseling.
Sometimes, life just gets the best of us. When it does, we must take the time to heal from our emotional wounds. For those of us who have suffered from abuse or trauma, therapy is practically a given. We can get referrals to competent psychologists and counselors from friends, trusted doctors, or our religious leaders. It's important to make sure that whoever we see has lots of experience in working with people who have been abused or traumatized.
Today's Challenge
For the next week, keep track of every hour that you spend watching television or movies. Commit to cutting out at least one hour of TV viewing each day. Replace that TV time with reading books that will prepare you for what lies ahead.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
In today's lesson, Jack provides some practical suggestions for acquiring the knowledge we need to achieve our goals. Some simple changes in daily routines can substantially increase our level of success.
Decrease your television time.
The average American watches 6 hours of television every day. If we spend that much time in front of the boob tube, by the time we are 60, we will have wasted 15 years of our lives!
I am definitely not average, because I couldn't stand to watch 6 hours of TV a year. I gave up watching television decades ago, because I simply did not have the time to waste when I was teaching full time, studying for a post-graduate degree, writing a book, and raising babies. I have never regretted this decision, and I'm sure you won't either if you decide to curb your viewing.
Instead of watching TV, we can read a book, take an exercise class, learn to play an instrument, play with our kids, or spend time with our mates. Reading inspirational or informational books really fast-forwards us toward our goals.
The Bible, in my opinion, is the best book we can read. Romans 12:2 tells us, Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Learn to read faster.
If you're a slow reader, Jack recommends a self-study course or workshop from Learning Strategies Corporation. Check them out at www.learningstrategies.com.
Read one book every week.
If we make the commitment to read one book every week, review what we read, and apply at least one thing we have learned from each book; we will arrive at our goals much more quickly than the average person. The Success Principles lists books that Jack recommends on pages 441 to 451.
Read biographies of great people.
Reading about successful people can give us some excellent resources for our own lives. Jack provides a note about Great Life Network, a company that provides print and audio materials about the world's most recognized people. Take a look at www.greatlifenetwork.com.
Attend success seminars, conferences, and retreats.
We can learn a lot and network with important people by attending success seminars, professional conferences, and retreats. Check out the local paper for upcoming events.
Remain teachable.
The most successful people in life are the ones who are always open to learning something. People who think they know everything rarely get ahead in life.
Be prepared when opportunity knocks.
If we have a dream, we must continually prepare ourselves to grab onto that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity when it comes our way. For me, this means that I must continually polish my writing skills, keep my manuscripts ready for review on a moment's notice, and network with people who can help me get published. If I'm unprepared when an agent contacts me for a book proposal, I may miss my chance.
Figure out what you need to do to get ready.
If we want something, we must figure out what we need to do to get ready for it. I once met an eighth grader who told me that he had a dream of climbing Pike's Peak. I asked him what he was doing to prepare himself for that challenge. He surprised me by saying that he had spent his spring break hiking in the Pyrenees Mountains along the French-Spanish border! I'll bet he made it to Pike's Peak long ago, because he had a clear goal and was preparing himself for the challenge.
Attend personal therapy and counseling.
Sometimes, life just gets the best of us. When it does, we must take the time to heal from our emotional wounds. For those of us who have suffered from abuse or trauma, therapy is practically a given. We can get referrals to competent psychologists and counselors from friends, trusted doctors, or our religious leaders. It's important to make sure that whoever we see has lots of experience in working with people who have been abused or traumatized.
Today's Challenge
For the next week, keep track of every hour that you spend watching television or movies. Commit to cutting out at least one hour of TV viewing each day. Replace that TV time with reading books that will prepare you for what lies ahead.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Nothing Less Than 100% Commitment
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #35
Most people wake up every day and struggle to stick with their plans. Successful people, however, do whatever it takes to achieve their goals, because they develop a 'no exceptions' rule. This means that we keep our eye on the end results, and we plow ahead without wavering from our mission. Sticking with our commitments 100% of the time is relatively easy if we follow this principle. If we don't, our lives can become unbearable, as we go through every day arguing with ourselves about what to do next.
When I was diagnosed with gluten and milk sensitivities, the lab report noted the amount of intestinal damage I had suffered from eating these foods. It was shocking, and I decided then and there that I would never again eat anything containing gluten or milk.
Many people ask me how I can stand such a strict diet. For me, it's easy. I made up my mind that I wanted to be healthy, and there's no arguing with myself when I'm offered forbidden foods.
This level of commitment is what we should see when two people get married. They make a decision to remain monogamous. As long as they keep the mindset that marriage is a no-exit highway, they're okay. But if one of them starts considering an affair with a co-worker, a neighbor, or a friend, the marriage becomes nearly unbearable. Commitment begins in our minds and remains easy, as long as we remain disciplined in our thinking.
James, the brother of Jesus, wrote about this back-and-forth type of thinking in our prayer lives: But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
A lack of commitment causes us to be double-minded, which in turn, leads to instability in all areas of our lives. If we meet someone who seems to have iron-clad will-power, realize that they have merely made up their minds to a commitment that is important to them.
If a goal or commitment is not really important to us, we'll never be able to stick with it. Many people say they want to lose weight, but they aren't truly committed to their goal. They diet when it's convenient, but when the holidays and the trays of cookies roll around, they forget all about their goal. Successful people are so committed to achieving a goal that they will accept nothing less than outstanding results.
Today's Challenge
Take a look at your 101 goals, your goals on index cards, or your Goals Book. How committed are you to achieving those goals? Remember, double-minded thinking will make achieving your goals an impossibility. Commit today to choose goals that you can stick with, no matter what.
Note: I have decided that I need to take a rest from writing on Sundays. Check back with me on Monday for our next principle, Learn More to Earn More.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Most people wake up every day and struggle to stick with their plans. Successful people, however, do whatever it takes to achieve their goals, because they develop a 'no exceptions' rule. This means that we keep our eye on the end results, and we plow ahead without wavering from our mission. Sticking with our commitments 100% of the time is relatively easy if we follow this principle. If we don't, our lives can become unbearable, as we go through every day arguing with ourselves about what to do next.
When I was diagnosed with gluten and milk sensitivities, the lab report noted the amount of intestinal damage I had suffered from eating these foods. It was shocking, and I decided then and there that I would never again eat anything containing gluten or milk.
Many people ask me how I can stand such a strict diet. For me, it's easy. I made up my mind that I wanted to be healthy, and there's no arguing with myself when I'm offered forbidden foods.
This level of commitment is what we should see when two people get married. They make a decision to remain monogamous. As long as they keep the mindset that marriage is a no-exit highway, they're okay. But if one of them starts considering an affair with a co-worker, a neighbor, or a friend, the marriage becomes nearly unbearable. Commitment begins in our minds and remains easy, as long as we remain disciplined in our thinking.
James, the brother of Jesus, wrote about this back-and-forth type of thinking in our prayer lives: But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
A lack of commitment causes us to be double-minded, which in turn, leads to instability in all areas of our lives. If we meet someone who seems to have iron-clad will-power, realize that they have merely made up their minds to a commitment that is important to them.
If a goal or commitment is not really important to us, we'll never be able to stick with it. Many people say they want to lose weight, but they aren't truly committed to their goal. They diet when it's convenient, but when the holidays and the trays of cookies roll around, they forget all about their goal. Successful people are so committed to achieving a goal that they will accept nothing less than outstanding results.
Today's Challenge
Take a look at your 101 goals, your goals on index cards, or your Goals Book. How committed are you to achieving those goals? Remember, double-minded thinking will make achieving your goals an impossibility. Commit today to choose goals that you can stick with, no matter what.
Note: I have decided that I need to take a rest from writing on Sundays. Check back with me on Monday for our next principle, Learn More to Earn More.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Friday, December 17, 2010
Develop Four New Success Habits Each Year
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #34
In today's lesson, Jack talks about our daily behavior. Believe it or not, 90% of our behavior is habitual. In other words, we're on auto-pilot most of the time. We don't have to think very hard to brush our teeth, tie our shoes, eat our meals, and so on.
The good news is that these automatic behaviors allow us to do several things at once, such as talking on the phone and washing dishes at the same time. The bad news is that we can get stuck in self-defeating behaviors that limit our growth and potential for success.
Whether we have good habits or bad habits, both will determine our outcomes. Successful people get to the top with focused action, personal discipline, and lots of energy. Unsuccessful people, on the other hand, practice habits that breed negative outcomes.
Look at the list of unsuccessful habits below:
-procrastinating;
-paying bills at the last minute;
-missing deadlines;
-arriving late for meetings;
-forgetting someone's name as soon as they're introduced;
-talking over other people, instead of listening;
-taking phone calls during family time;
-breaking commitments to family members to help people in crisis;
-handling mail more than once;
-working late on a regular basis;
-choosing work over our spouse and children; and
-eating fast food more than twice per week.
We can say that we want to achieve a goal, but we must change our habits to make that goal a reality. For example, if we say we want to lose weight, we must change our habits to acutally shed the unwanted pounds. Exercise is imperative in all weight loss programs. So, in order to get to the gym regularly, we might need to choose to go to bed earlier and set the alarm an hour earlier.
I made the conscious decision when I began writing this blog that I would forego watching movies at night so that I could spend time reading The Success Principles and taking notes. The change in outcomes for me has been amazing. I feel so much more confident and capable than I used to. I'm accomplishing far more each day than I ever believed was possible.
The Bible also provides us with an excellent example of a negative habit being replaced by a positive one. In speaking about young widows, we read in I Timothy 5:13-15: Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.
Today's Challenge
If we develop just four new habits each year, in five years, we could have 20 new success habits. Start today by listing four habits that you want to work on in 2011. Commit to working on one habit per quarter next year. Put up signs around the house to remind yourself to change your habits. Partner up with someone, keep score, and hold each other accountable.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
In today's lesson, Jack talks about our daily behavior. Believe it or not, 90% of our behavior is habitual. In other words, we're on auto-pilot most of the time. We don't have to think very hard to brush our teeth, tie our shoes, eat our meals, and so on.
The good news is that these automatic behaviors allow us to do several things at once, such as talking on the phone and washing dishes at the same time. The bad news is that we can get stuck in self-defeating behaviors that limit our growth and potential for success.
Whether we have good habits or bad habits, both will determine our outcomes. Successful people get to the top with focused action, personal discipline, and lots of energy. Unsuccessful people, on the other hand, practice habits that breed negative outcomes.
Look at the list of unsuccessful habits below:
-procrastinating;
-paying bills at the last minute;
-missing deadlines;
-arriving late for meetings;
-forgetting someone's name as soon as they're introduced;
-talking over other people, instead of listening;
-taking phone calls during family time;
-breaking commitments to family members to help people in crisis;
-handling mail more than once;
-working late on a regular basis;
-choosing work over our spouse and children; and
-eating fast food more than twice per week.
We can say that we want to achieve a goal, but we must change our habits to make that goal a reality. For example, if we say we want to lose weight, we must change our habits to acutally shed the unwanted pounds. Exercise is imperative in all weight loss programs. So, in order to get to the gym regularly, we might need to choose to go to bed earlier and set the alarm an hour earlier.
I made the conscious decision when I began writing this blog that I would forego watching movies at night so that I could spend time reading The Success Principles and taking notes. The change in outcomes for me has been amazing. I feel so much more confident and capable than I used to. I'm accomplishing far more each day than I ever believed was possible.
The Bible also provides us with an excellent example of a negative habit being replaced by a positive one. In speaking about young widows, we read in I Timothy 5:13-15: Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.
Today's Challenge
If we develop just four new habits each year, in five years, we could have 20 new success habits. Start today by listing four habits that you want to work on in 2011. Commit to working on one habit per quarter next year. Put up signs around the house to remind yourself to change your habits. Partner up with someone, keep score, and hold each other accountable.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Transcend Your Limiting Beliefs
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #33
We all hold beliefs that limit our success. They are thoughts that stop us from achieving our goals. Look at the following list of limiting beliefs to better understand what they are:
I'm not (smart, attractive, rich, old, or young) enough.
Women don't do that sort of thing.
They'd never choose me for this job.
Even if I don't like my job, I need to keep it for financial security.
Nothing I do is ever successful.
You can't get rich as a (writer, artist, poet, singer).
Understand that limiting beliefs lead to poor self-esteem.
Our lack of confidence begins with two limiting beliefs: 1) we are not capable of handling life's challenges; and 2) we are not worthy of love. If we are going to improve our low self-esteem so that we can achieve success, we must tackle these two limiting beliefs.
To overcome the belief that we can't handle challenges, we can look back to see where we did succeed when things were difficult. Remember the Victory Log? If we've written down our past successes and are reviewing them daily, we can combat limiting beliefs in this area of our minds.
Believing that we are worthy of love comes about by transforming our limiting beliefs into positive affirmations. Jack recommends a four-step process for changing our self-talk to create success.
Overcome any limiting belief with four steps.
Jack reminds us that having clearly identified goals will make it easier for us to alter our limiting beliefs. If we know where we're going, we can re-program our minds to help us get there.
Follow Jack's four steps to replace limiting beliefs with empowering beliefs (also known as positive affirmations). In the example below, I've used one of my limiting beliefs to help you understand this principle.
1) Identify the belief that you want to change.
When I was a child, my father and mother would say before we went into someone else's home, "Children should be seen and not heard." I never realized until I read The Success Principles how this created a limiting belief for me. This thought got programmed into my subconsciuos as, "I need to be quiet if I want to be loved." All of my life, I've been limited by what my son calls a Minnie Mouse voice. I always thought it was rude to be loud, so I spoke very softly.
2) Determine how the belief limits you.
Believing that it was rude for me to speak up has limited my abilities as a teacher, a dinner party conversationalist, a spouse, a friend, and public speaker. For years, people have been complaining that they can't hear me.
(3) Decide how you want to be, act, or feel.
I want to be able to speak up so that I can be heard. I never realized how important this was to me until I began writing. Much of my fiction is about women whose 'voices' have been stifled. Without even realizing it, I was silencing myself with my limiting belief that no one would love me if I spoke up.
(4) Create a turnaround statement.
We must replace each of our limiting beliefs with something Jack calls a turnaround statement. My limiting belief is, 'I need to be quiet if I want to be loved.' A new turnaround statement for me would be, 'I am confident speakig up about things that are important to me and enjoying the respect I earn for what I have to say.'
Our turnaround statements must be formatted as positive affirmations, which we learned about in Success Principle #10. Once we create a turnaround statement, we must repeat it to ourselves several times daily. Eventually, the repeated suggestion overrides the limiting belief.
As with all situations, prayer adds power to whatever we're trying to change. Jesus said, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." (Matt 21:22) Turn your limiting beliefs into positive affirmations backed up with prayer, and watch what God can do!
Today's Challenge
Create a list of beliefs that are limiting you. Choose one and rewrite it on a 3 x 5 card as a turnaround statement (positive affirmation). Read it out loud to yourself throughout the day. Before long, you'll believe whatever you've written.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
We all hold beliefs that limit our success. They are thoughts that stop us from achieving our goals. Look at the following list of limiting beliefs to better understand what they are:
I'm not (smart, attractive, rich, old, or young) enough.
Women don't do that sort of thing.
They'd never choose me for this job.
Even if I don't like my job, I need to keep it for financial security.
Nothing I do is ever successful.
You can't get rich as a (writer, artist, poet, singer).
Understand that limiting beliefs lead to poor self-esteem.
Our lack of confidence begins with two limiting beliefs: 1) we are not capable of handling life's challenges; and 2) we are not worthy of love. If we are going to improve our low self-esteem so that we can achieve success, we must tackle these two limiting beliefs.
To overcome the belief that we can't handle challenges, we can look back to see where we did succeed when things were difficult. Remember the Victory Log? If we've written down our past successes and are reviewing them daily, we can combat limiting beliefs in this area of our minds.
Believing that we are worthy of love comes about by transforming our limiting beliefs into positive affirmations. Jack recommends a four-step process for changing our self-talk to create success.
Overcome any limiting belief with four steps.
Jack reminds us that having clearly identified goals will make it easier for us to alter our limiting beliefs. If we know where we're going, we can re-program our minds to help us get there.
Follow Jack's four steps to replace limiting beliefs with empowering beliefs (also known as positive affirmations). In the example below, I've used one of my limiting beliefs to help you understand this principle.
1) Identify the belief that you want to change.
When I was a child, my father and mother would say before we went into someone else's home, "Children should be seen and not heard." I never realized until I read The Success Principles how this created a limiting belief for me. This thought got programmed into my subconsciuos as, "I need to be quiet if I want to be loved." All of my life, I've been limited by what my son calls a Minnie Mouse voice. I always thought it was rude to be loud, so I spoke very softly.
2) Determine how the belief limits you.
Believing that it was rude for me to speak up has limited my abilities as a teacher, a dinner party conversationalist, a spouse, a friend, and public speaker. For years, people have been complaining that they can't hear me.
(3) Decide how you want to be, act, or feel.
I want to be able to speak up so that I can be heard. I never realized how important this was to me until I began writing. Much of my fiction is about women whose 'voices' have been stifled. Without even realizing it, I was silencing myself with my limiting belief that no one would love me if I spoke up.
(4) Create a turnaround statement.
We must replace each of our limiting beliefs with something Jack calls a turnaround statement. My limiting belief is, 'I need to be quiet if I want to be loved.' A new turnaround statement for me would be, 'I am confident speakig up about things that are important to me and enjoying the respect I earn for what I have to say.'
Our turnaround statements must be formatted as positive affirmations, which we learned about in Success Principle #10. Once we create a turnaround statement, we must repeat it to ourselves several times daily. Eventually, the repeated suggestion overrides the limiting belief.
As with all situations, prayer adds power to whatever we're trying to change. Jesus said, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." (Matt 21:22) Turn your limiting beliefs into positive affirmations backed up with prayer, and watch what God can do!
Today's Challenge
Create a list of beliefs that are limiting you. Choose one and rewrite it on a 3 x 5 card as a turnaround statement (positive affirmation). Read it out loud to yourself throughout the day. Before long, you'll believe whatever you've written.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Transform Your Inner Critic Into An Inner Coach
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #32
The average person has 50,000 thoughts per day. Most of that talk is about ourselves. And believe it or not, 80% of it is negative. Jack teaches that our self-talk can be so destructive, it can kill us. Even lie detector tests prove that our heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration rate increase when we think anxious thoughts.
ANTs are Automatic Negative Thoughts That We Don't Need.
Dr. Daniel Amen is a psychiatrist and writer who named negative thoughts ANTs: Automatic Negative Thoughts. He has identified seven types of negative thinking and provided methods for getting rid of them. He suggests a three-step approach:
1) Become aware of negative thoughts as soon as they occur;
2) Shake off the ANTs and stomp on them with challenging messages; and
3) Replace ANTs with positive thoughts.
Identify the seven types of ANTs.
1) always or never thinking
When we tell ourselves that we always do the wrong thing, that we'll never get ahead or that we are forever doomed; we're setting ourselves up for failure. We must replace these thoughts with positive ones.
2) focusing on the negative
ANTs cause us to automatically look for the bad in every situation. To combat this, we must start looking for the good. Jack recommends spending 7 minutes every morning writing down a list of things we appreciate.
3) catastrophic predicting
These ANTs make us think the worst about every possible outcome. The sad truth is, we actually attract what we think about. So, if we expect the worst, that's what we get. We must become optimistic about all outcomes if we want to find success.
4) mind-reading
With these ANTs, we imagine people's responses to us and expect them to be negative. I used to do this a lot, but now I know how to stomp on these ANTs. I can simply talk to the person I imagine is disappointed in me and ask them if what I'm imagining is true. I've actually tried this lately, and I've been pleasantly surprised to discover that my imaginings were all wrong.
5) guilt tripping
These ANTs tell us that we should do something. They use guilt to try to shame us into eating less, being neater, excercising more, and so on. The problem is, guilt generally results in our resisting whatever we're thinking about.
6) labeling
These ANTs are based on messages that we received as children and are now re-wording in our self talk. "You're stupid" is now "I'm not smart enough."
7) personalizing
Investing a neutral event with some personal meaning makes these ANTs ever more powerful. They tell us that people are mad at us, because they haven't called us, visited, or responded to our emails. In truth, the people we think are angry may simply be busy with other responsibilities and aren't even thinking of us.
Stomp Out ANTs.
ANTs actually have an important message to tell us, but they only give us part of it. Usually, our negative self-talk only includes anger. We must re-program our thoughts to include anger, fear, specific requests, and love.
For example, when we were kids, our parents may have yelled at us for running into the street. The message we got was: "What's wrong with you? Were you born without a brain? You know better than to run out into the street in front of those cars. You're grounded for the next hour. Go to your room and think about what you just did." This message included only their anger and will later become negative self-talk about how brainless we are.
By contrast, total truth from our parents should have looked like this: "When you ran into the street, it made me angry. I'm afraid you might get hit by a car if you do that. I love you. I don't want you to get hit by a car. I want you to stay around so that I can enjoy watching you grow up into a happy and healthy adult. Look both ways before you cross the street next time." This message includes the anger, our parent's fears, a specific request, and love.
Silence your perfomance critic.
Our performance critic is the voice from within that always tells us about our failures. Remember, it is operating out of love for us, but it's only giving us part of the message.
From now on, we must tell our inner critic that we will only listen to specific recommendations that can help us to do it better next time. So, after completing a task, we can ask our critic to tell us specifically what we might do better. By doing this, we can transform our inner critic into our inner coach. We can stop the voice of judgment and create improvement opportunities. Take note that it's important to write down those specific bits of feedback so that we can later apply them.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of all the negative things you tell yourself you should do. Your list should include thoughts such as, "You don't exercise enough; you're a fat slob; you're lazy; and you're irresponsible."
Practice Jack's four steps--expressing anger, fear, requests, and love--on each of your negative thoughts. For example, we can replace the negative self-talk, "You don't exercise enough," with the following:
(Anger)I am angry at you for not taking better care of your body.
(Fear) If you don't change, I'm afraid you're going to have a heart attack.
(Requests) I want you to cut out one hour of TV and exercise during that time every day.
(Love) I love you. I want you to live a long and successful life.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
The average person has 50,000 thoughts per day. Most of that talk is about ourselves. And believe it or not, 80% of it is negative. Jack teaches that our self-talk can be so destructive, it can kill us. Even lie detector tests prove that our heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration rate increase when we think anxious thoughts.
ANTs are Automatic Negative Thoughts That We Don't Need.
Dr. Daniel Amen is a psychiatrist and writer who named negative thoughts ANTs: Automatic Negative Thoughts. He has identified seven types of negative thinking and provided methods for getting rid of them. He suggests a three-step approach:
1) Become aware of negative thoughts as soon as they occur;
2) Shake off the ANTs and stomp on them with challenging messages; and
3) Replace ANTs with positive thoughts.
Identify the seven types of ANTs.
1) always or never thinking
When we tell ourselves that we always do the wrong thing, that we'll never get ahead or that we are forever doomed; we're setting ourselves up for failure. We must replace these thoughts with positive ones.
2) focusing on the negative
ANTs cause us to automatically look for the bad in every situation. To combat this, we must start looking for the good. Jack recommends spending 7 minutes every morning writing down a list of things we appreciate.
3) catastrophic predicting
These ANTs make us think the worst about every possible outcome. The sad truth is, we actually attract what we think about. So, if we expect the worst, that's what we get. We must become optimistic about all outcomes if we want to find success.
4) mind-reading
With these ANTs, we imagine people's responses to us and expect them to be negative. I used to do this a lot, but now I know how to stomp on these ANTs. I can simply talk to the person I imagine is disappointed in me and ask them if what I'm imagining is true. I've actually tried this lately, and I've been pleasantly surprised to discover that my imaginings were all wrong.
5) guilt tripping
These ANTs tell us that we should do something. They use guilt to try to shame us into eating less, being neater, excercising more, and so on. The problem is, guilt generally results in our resisting whatever we're thinking about.
6) labeling
These ANTs are based on messages that we received as children and are now re-wording in our self talk. "You're stupid" is now "I'm not smart enough."
7) personalizing
Investing a neutral event with some personal meaning makes these ANTs ever more powerful. They tell us that people are mad at us, because they haven't called us, visited, or responded to our emails. In truth, the people we think are angry may simply be busy with other responsibilities and aren't even thinking of us.
Stomp Out ANTs.
ANTs actually have an important message to tell us, but they only give us part of it. Usually, our negative self-talk only includes anger. We must re-program our thoughts to include anger, fear, specific requests, and love.
For example, when we were kids, our parents may have yelled at us for running into the street. The message we got was: "What's wrong with you? Were you born without a brain? You know better than to run out into the street in front of those cars. You're grounded for the next hour. Go to your room and think about what you just did." This message included only their anger and will later become negative self-talk about how brainless we are.
By contrast, total truth from our parents should have looked like this: "When you ran into the street, it made me angry. I'm afraid you might get hit by a car if you do that. I love you. I don't want you to get hit by a car. I want you to stay around so that I can enjoy watching you grow up into a happy and healthy adult. Look both ways before you cross the street next time." This message includes the anger, our parent's fears, a specific request, and love.
Silence your perfomance critic.
Our performance critic is the voice from within that always tells us about our failures. Remember, it is operating out of love for us, but it's only giving us part of the message.
From now on, we must tell our inner critic that we will only listen to specific recommendations that can help us to do it better next time. So, after completing a task, we can ask our critic to tell us specifically what we might do better. By doing this, we can transform our inner critic into our inner coach. We can stop the voice of judgment and create improvement opportunities. Take note that it's important to write down those specific bits of feedback so that we can later apply them.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of all the negative things you tell yourself you should do. Your list should include thoughts such as, "You don't exercise enough; you're a fat slob; you're lazy; and you're irresponsible."
Practice Jack's four steps--expressing anger, fear, requests, and love--on each of your negative thoughts. For example, we can replace the negative self-talk, "You don't exercise enough," with the following:
(Anger)I am angry at you for not taking better care of your body.
(Fear) If you don't change, I'm afraid you're going to have a heart attack.
(Requests) I want you to cut out one hour of TV and exercise during that time every day.
(Love) I love you. I want you to live a long and successful life.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Embrace Change
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #31
Grow or die.
Change is inevitable. People who are successful know this, and they embrace change. Jack provides two examples of big businesses and their responses to change.
In the early 1900s, Americans were no longer growing up and dying in their hometowns. Many people were moving far from home, and they needed to send flowers to loved ones in other places. A group of florists got together to combine their services with the telegraph system. They founded Florists' Telegraph Delivery, which we know today as FTD. Because those florists embraced change, they thrived.
At the same time, America's railroad system found itself challenged by the auto and airplane industries. However, it saw itself primarily as a transporter of goods, not people. The railroad companies didn't respond to the change as the florists did, and our train system nearly died out. It has never recovered.
When change happens, we can either go along with it or be run over by it. I can remember once asking my 90-year-old grandmother how she had adapted to so much change in her lifetime. We were on a jet, and I remembered stories about the first time she ever rode on a bus. She was nearly 30 years old then, and it was the first time she had ever left her hometown. She shrugged and said, "You just learn to get used to it, I guess." Grandma was the resilient sort, who looked forward to new experiences, even if they were a little frightening.
Become resilent, not resistant.
Many of us who have struggled with PTSD find change extremely difficult. We often develop a condition known as adjustment disorder. This means that we simply cannot adjust to new situations without a lot of interventions.
When we are not safe, change gives us just one more reason to feel that life is slipping out of control. But once we have found safety, it's important to let go of the need to control everything. Otherwise, we simply become rigid people who can't tolerate even the smallest bumps in the road.
If we learn to become resilient, we can bend, like a mighty oak swaying in high winds. When we are resistant, change will break us, just as a high wind might shatter a window.
Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." In other words, to have a relationship with Christ, we must be able to trust him completely, just as a little child would.
In the same way, we must trust God to help us through all of the changes that life throws at us. I think resiliency is synonymous with trust in this instance. Resistant people don't trust that something better lies ahead.
Realize that there are two types of change.
Change comes in one of two forms: cyclical change and structural change. We have no control over either one. Cyclical change occurs several times each year. We see it in the weather, holiday shopping trends, and so on. Most of us adapt to this pretty easily.
Structural change, however, is more difficult to adjust to. It's the type of change that really alters how we do things. Inventions such as the television, telephone, and computer have radically changed the way we live. We must accept these types of structural changes, or they'll do us in.
Learn to adapt to change.
We can all learn to embrace change with one simple exercise. We can look back and list ways that we've adapted to change in the past. We can recognize times when we were at first resistant. When we surrendered to it, though, our lives improved.
I recently went through tremendous change that I thought would crush me. When my daughter left for college, I wasn't sure that I would be able to continue breathing. The first night, I cried for hours. I don't think I've ever seen Joe eyeing me with such concern.
Each day, I just kept getting up and going through the motions. It was difficult, because I had been someone's mommy for nearly thirty years. Without any of my offspring in the house, I felt obsolete.
I knew, though, that I couldn't cry forever. And I couldn't get stuck in that dead zone of wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I decided to get more involved at church, and slowly, my focus began to shift from my children to others.
Today, I can honestly say that being an empty-nester is the best time of life. We have enough money, no one uses up all of the hot water in the morning, food doesn't disappear from the fridge at the speed of light, and we don't lie awake at night waiting for one of the kids to come home. In fact, this phase of my life has become one of the most satisfying. I've successfully launched my kids into the world, and now I get to do the things I've always wanted to.
Today's Challenge
Begin today to look at each new change with excitement and anticipation. To get moving in the right direction, ask yourself these questions from The Success Principles, page 228:
What's changing in my life that I'm currently resisting?
Why am I resisting that change?
What am I afraid of with respect to this change?
What's the cost for keeping things the way they are?
What benefits might there be for me if I cooperate with this change?
What steps must I take to make this change?
When will I take the next step?
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Grow or die.
Change is inevitable. People who are successful know this, and they embrace change. Jack provides two examples of big businesses and their responses to change.
In the early 1900s, Americans were no longer growing up and dying in their hometowns. Many people were moving far from home, and they needed to send flowers to loved ones in other places. A group of florists got together to combine their services with the telegraph system. They founded Florists' Telegraph Delivery, which we know today as FTD. Because those florists embraced change, they thrived.
At the same time, America's railroad system found itself challenged by the auto and airplane industries. However, it saw itself primarily as a transporter of goods, not people. The railroad companies didn't respond to the change as the florists did, and our train system nearly died out. It has never recovered.
When change happens, we can either go along with it or be run over by it. I can remember once asking my 90-year-old grandmother how she had adapted to so much change in her lifetime. We were on a jet, and I remembered stories about the first time she ever rode on a bus. She was nearly 30 years old then, and it was the first time she had ever left her hometown. She shrugged and said, "You just learn to get used to it, I guess." Grandma was the resilient sort, who looked forward to new experiences, even if they were a little frightening.
Become resilent, not resistant.
Many of us who have struggled with PTSD find change extremely difficult. We often develop a condition known as adjustment disorder. This means that we simply cannot adjust to new situations without a lot of interventions.
When we are not safe, change gives us just one more reason to feel that life is slipping out of control. But once we have found safety, it's important to let go of the need to control everything. Otherwise, we simply become rigid people who can't tolerate even the smallest bumps in the road.
If we learn to become resilient, we can bend, like a mighty oak swaying in high winds. When we are resistant, change will break us, just as a high wind might shatter a window.
Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." In other words, to have a relationship with Christ, we must be able to trust him completely, just as a little child would.
In the same way, we must trust God to help us through all of the changes that life throws at us. I think resiliency is synonymous with trust in this instance. Resistant people don't trust that something better lies ahead.
Realize that there are two types of change.
Change comes in one of two forms: cyclical change and structural change. We have no control over either one. Cyclical change occurs several times each year. We see it in the weather, holiday shopping trends, and so on. Most of us adapt to this pretty easily.
Structural change, however, is more difficult to adjust to. It's the type of change that really alters how we do things. Inventions such as the television, telephone, and computer have radically changed the way we live. We must accept these types of structural changes, or they'll do us in.
Learn to adapt to change.
We can all learn to embrace change with one simple exercise. We can look back and list ways that we've adapted to change in the past. We can recognize times when we were at first resistant. When we surrendered to it, though, our lives improved.
I recently went through tremendous change that I thought would crush me. When my daughter left for college, I wasn't sure that I would be able to continue breathing. The first night, I cried for hours. I don't think I've ever seen Joe eyeing me with such concern.
Each day, I just kept getting up and going through the motions. It was difficult, because I had been someone's mommy for nearly thirty years. Without any of my offspring in the house, I felt obsolete.
I knew, though, that I couldn't cry forever. And I couldn't get stuck in that dead zone of wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I decided to get more involved at church, and slowly, my focus began to shift from my children to others.
Today, I can honestly say that being an empty-nester is the best time of life. We have enough money, no one uses up all of the hot water in the morning, food doesn't disappear from the fridge at the speed of light, and we don't lie awake at night waiting for one of the kids to come home. In fact, this phase of my life has become one of the most satisfying. I've successfully launched my kids into the world, and now I get to do the things I've always wanted to.
Today's Challenge
Begin today to look at each new change with excitement and anticipation. To get moving in the right direction, ask yourself these questions from The Success Principles, page 228:
What's changing in my life that I'm currently resisting?
Why am I resisting that change?
What am I afraid of with respect to this change?
What's the cost for keeping things the way they are?
What benefits might there be for me if I cooperate with this change?
What steps must I take to make this change?
When will I take the next step?
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Monday, December 13, 2010
Face What Isn't Working
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #30
Successful people look at circumstances that are not working, and they take appropriate actions to change things. On the other hand, people living in denial ignore the 'yellow alerts' that Jack talked about in a previous chapter. If we are living in denial, we look away from obvious problems by:
-ignoring a hostile and toxic work environment;
-drinking caffeine to overcome our lack of physical energy;
-using drugs or alcohol to soothe ourselves;
-avoiding the mirror because of our excess weight;
-putting off doctors' appointments to address our poor health;
-excusing our obesity, because everyone else is bigger than we are;
-turning a blind eye to a spouse who abuses, neglects, or cheats on us; or
-avoiding confrontation with people who hurt us.
Remember the yellow alerts.
Yellow alerts are little signals that we get both externally and internally that something is not right. We often ignore these warnings, because confronting them might make us uncomfortable. We continue to put up with intolerable circumstances, because we don't want to step outside of our comfort zone.
Successful people are in touch with reality. They are willing to look at the truth about situations, and then they deal with it. They never attempt to hide it or deny it.
Know when to hold them, know when to fold them.
Before we can fix our problems, we must be able to recognize them. Then, we have to decide that we're going to take action. So many people are in such deep denial, that they actually say they're happy with a situation when they not. In other words, they're living a lie.
During the 20 years that I remained with my first husband, I lived a lie. Everyone thought we lived a charmed life, because we were wealthy, well-educated, and lived in a series of beautiful homes. The truth is, I was miserable, but I would never let on. For a long time, it was easier to tell myself that I could live with the agony of a troubled marriage. Attempting to leave only made the abuse worse in the short run.
A psychiatrist finally broke through my denial. On my first visit to his office, he asked why I stayed with an abuser. I told him it's what God expected of me. He looked me sqaurely in the eye and asked, "You think you can make a leopard change its spots? Stop a speeding train?" His questions rattled me, and I didn't like his approach. But he got me thinking, and I eventually came to understand: I could never change my ex-husband, but I could change my response to the abuse. It took less than a year to clearly see the hopelessness of my broken marriage and to file for divorce.
Denial is based on fear.
When we live in denial, it's because we're afraid to face the truth. The Bible tells us more than 300 times not to be afraid. When I was trying to work up the courage to leave my first husband, I turned to Scripture daily for boldness. Psalm 118:6 reads, The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? When our lives are a mess, we must trust that God will walk with us to get us back on the path he has in mind for us.
Jack points out the good news in breaking free from uncomfortable situations. The more we face what isn't working, the easier it gets. And when we become better at recognizing yellow alerts, the more quickly we take action.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of what isn't working in your life. Be sure to include the seven major areas: finances, career, recreation, health, relationships, personal growth, and community service. Ask others to tell you what they see that is not working for you. Ask them to make suggestions about how to improve each situation. Choose one suggested action and do it. Then keep taking another action each day until the situation is resolved.
Successful people look at circumstances that are not working, and they take appropriate actions to change things. On the other hand, people living in denial ignore the 'yellow alerts' that Jack talked about in a previous chapter. If we are living in denial, we look away from obvious problems by:
-ignoring a hostile and toxic work environment;
-drinking caffeine to overcome our lack of physical energy;
-using drugs or alcohol to soothe ourselves;
-avoiding the mirror because of our excess weight;
-putting off doctors' appointments to address our poor health;
-excusing our obesity, because everyone else is bigger than we are;
-turning a blind eye to a spouse who abuses, neglects, or cheats on us; or
-avoiding confrontation with people who hurt us.
Remember the yellow alerts.
Yellow alerts are little signals that we get both externally and internally that something is not right. We often ignore these warnings, because confronting them might make us uncomfortable. We continue to put up with intolerable circumstances, because we don't want to step outside of our comfort zone.
Successful people are in touch with reality. They are willing to look at the truth about situations, and then they deal with it. They never attempt to hide it or deny it.
Know when to hold them, know when to fold them.
Before we can fix our problems, we must be able to recognize them. Then, we have to decide that we're going to take action. So many people are in such deep denial, that they actually say they're happy with a situation when they not. In other words, they're living a lie.
During the 20 years that I remained with my first husband, I lived a lie. Everyone thought we lived a charmed life, because we were wealthy, well-educated, and lived in a series of beautiful homes. The truth is, I was miserable, but I would never let on. For a long time, it was easier to tell myself that I could live with the agony of a troubled marriage. Attempting to leave only made the abuse worse in the short run.
A psychiatrist finally broke through my denial. On my first visit to his office, he asked why I stayed with an abuser. I told him it's what God expected of me. He looked me sqaurely in the eye and asked, "You think you can make a leopard change its spots? Stop a speeding train?" His questions rattled me, and I didn't like his approach. But he got me thinking, and I eventually came to understand: I could never change my ex-husband, but I could change my response to the abuse. It took less than a year to clearly see the hopelessness of my broken marriage and to file for divorce.
Denial is based on fear.
When we live in denial, it's because we're afraid to face the truth. The Bible tells us more than 300 times not to be afraid. When I was trying to work up the courage to leave my first husband, I turned to Scripture daily for boldness. Psalm 118:6 reads, The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? When our lives are a mess, we must trust that God will walk with us to get us back on the path he has in mind for us.
Jack points out the good news in breaking free from uncomfortable situations. The more we face what isn't working, the easier it gets. And when we become better at recognizing yellow alerts, the more quickly we take action.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of what isn't working in your life. Be sure to include the seven major areas: finances, career, recreation, health, relationships, personal growth, and community service. Ask others to tell you what they see that is not working for you. Ask them to make suggestions about how to improve each situation. Choose one suggested action and do it. Then keep taking another action each day until the situation is resolved.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Complete the Past to Embrace the Future
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #29
If we hold onto unforgiveness, it's as if we're dragging an anchor behind us. It slows us down and prevents us from enjoying today and receiving God's blessings. If we can release unforgiveness, we will discover that we can move faster and more easily through life.
Learn the six steps of the Total Truth Process.
Jack asserts that we belong in a natural state of love and joy. The Total Truth Process helps us to release the negative emotions that are attached to unforgiveness. Through this process, we can express our true feelings so that we can return to our natural state: caring, sharing closeness with others, and living cooperatively.
The goal of the Total Truth Process lies in expressing anger and hurt, and then moving toward forgiveness and love. We can practice letting go of our pain by sitting in a chair and visualizing the person who hurt us in a chair across from us. If it is appropriate, we can actually go to the person who hurt us to confront them in person. We should spend an equal amount of time on each of the following six stages:
1) anger and resentment
2) hurt
3) fear
4) remorse, regret, accountability
5) wants
6) love, compassion, forgiveness, and appreciation
As I am writing this, I don't even know where to begin. So many people have hurt me, I feel as if I could spend the second half of my life just trying to forgive them. Jack directs us to take as long as we need to complete this forgiveness process for each person before moving on.
So, here is what one of my Total Truth Processes would look like. I'm going to choose to work on the day I had five abcessed teeth pulled. I was eight years old, and my mother left me alone in the house while she had a pool party out back.
1) I felt angry when you left me alone inside the house while you were outside getting drunk with your friends.
2) It hurt me to think that your own fun was more important to you than comforting me at a time when I was in terrible pain.
3) I was afraid there in the dark by myself, with no one to hold my hand and reassure me.
4) I'm sorry that I didn't get out of bed to let you know what I needed.
5) All I ever wanted was for you to put my needs ahead of your own.
6) I understand that you did not receive the type of love and nurturing that you needed as a little girl; so you were not capable of giving me what I deserved, either. I forgive you.
We can follow this format above that I have indicated in italics for all of our past hurts. By including each of these six steps, we can finally release all of our emotions and bring closure to every incident.
Opt for a Total Truth Letter in some instances.
If the person we need to forgive is dead, unavailable, or unwilling to cooperate so that we can tell them these things in person, we can write what Jack calls a Total Truth Letter. We can write the six steps, and then destroy the letter.
I want to add something here that Jack did not include. In the process of leaving my ex-husband, I discovered that abusive people can become so controlling when confronted, our safety may be compromised. I once belonged to a group of women trying to leave their partners. One was murdered, and most of the others were slipping from one safe house to the next in an effort to avoid further abuse. Please DO NOT confront an abuser. Instead, use the unmailed Total Truth Letter to complete your forgiveness process with them.
Forgive so that you can move on.
Being angry, negative, and unforgiving about a past hurt robs us of valuable time and energy for present undertakings. If we hold onto resentment, we can be assured that we will attract more of the same.
Forgive to bring yourself into the present.
By forgiving people, we are NOT admitting that we condone their actions. It also does NOT mean that we have to ever trust them again. We merely release ourselves from the pain and resentment so that we can finally live fully in present day, not in the past.
What if it's really hard to let go?
When people used to tell me that I needed to forgive, I would tell them that they had no idea how horrific my life had been. Jack points out that he was kidnapped and assaulted, abused by his alcoholic father, had money embezzled by close friends, and so on. He has learned to forgive everyone from his past and is enjoying the benefits. He tells that the moment we forgive completely, God's blessings come rushing in within hours or days.
A dear friend told me years ago that forgiveness is for me, not for the person who hurt me. Harboring resentment for years on end destroys me, not the other person.
Jack has written something called the Forgiveness Affirmation, which you can find on pages 219-220 of The Success Principles. He suggests reading this three times daily until we have completed forgiving everyone from our past. I broke through so much old pain by reading this, I am sharing it here with you:
I release myself from all the demands and judgments that have kept me limited. I allow myself to go free--to live in joy and love and peace. I allow myself to create fulfilling relationships, to have success in my life, to experience pleasure, to know that I am worthy and deserve to have what I want. I now go free. In that process, I release all others from any demands and expectations I have placed on them. I choose to be free. I allow others to be free. I forgive myself, and I forgive them. And so it is.
Mark 11:25 in the Bible records what Jesus had to say about this topic: "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Holding onto unforgiveness prevents us from having a complete relationship with God.
Knowing that I may not receive the blessing of God's forgiveness if I don't forgive others keeps me focused on figuring out how to let go of my past pain. With prayer, I know that I can complete this process. I am really thankful for people like Jack Canfield, who understand how difficult this can be.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of all the people you need to forgive. Write it like this:
(Person's name) hurt me by (whatever action caused you pain and anger).
Choose one of these hurtful events, and work through the six steps of the Total Truth Process. Remember to spend an equal amount of time on each step. This can be done alone by merely speaking to an empty chair, or you can practice it first and then actually confront the person, if it is safe to do so. If you would prefer, you can use the Total Truth Letter, which does not have to get mailed. Transcend the pain of your past and triumph!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
If we hold onto unforgiveness, it's as if we're dragging an anchor behind us. It slows us down and prevents us from enjoying today and receiving God's blessings. If we can release unforgiveness, we will discover that we can move faster and more easily through life.
Learn the six steps of the Total Truth Process.
Jack asserts that we belong in a natural state of love and joy. The Total Truth Process helps us to release the negative emotions that are attached to unforgiveness. Through this process, we can express our true feelings so that we can return to our natural state: caring, sharing closeness with others, and living cooperatively.
The goal of the Total Truth Process lies in expressing anger and hurt, and then moving toward forgiveness and love. We can practice letting go of our pain by sitting in a chair and visualizing the person who hurt us in a chair across from us. If it is appropriate, we can actually go to the person who hurt us to confront them in person. We should spend an equal amount of time on each of the following six stages:
1) anger and resentment
2) hurt
3) fear
4) remorse, regret, accountability
5) wants
6) love, compassion, forgiveness, and appreciation
As I am writing this, I don't even know where to begin. So many people have hurt me, I feel as if I could spend the second half of my life just trying to forgive them. Jack directs us to take as long as we need to complete this forgiveness process for each person before moving on.
So, here is what one of my Total Truth Processes would look like. I'm going to choose to work on the day I had five abcessed teeth pulled. I was eight years old, and my mother left me alone in the house while she had a pool party out back.
1) I felt angry when you left me alone inside the house while you were outside getting drunk with your friends.
2) It hurt me to think that your own fun was more important to you than comforting me at a time when I was in terrible pain.
3) I was afraid there in the dark by myself, with no one to hold my hand and reassure me.
4) I'm sorry that I didn't get out of bed to let you know what I needed.
5) All I ever wanted was for you to put my needs ahead of your own.
6) I understand that you did not receive the type of love and nurturing that you needed as a little girl; so you were not capable of giving me what I deserved, either. I forgive you.
We can follow this format above that I have indicated in italics for all of our past hurts. By including each of these six steps, we can finally release all of our emotions and bring closure to every incident.
Opt for a Total Truth Letter in some instances.
If the person we need to forgive is dead, unavailable, or unwilling to cooperate so that we can tell them these things in person, we can write what Jack calls a Total Truth Letter. We can write the six steps, and then destroy the letter.
I want to add something here that Jack did not include. In the process of leaving my ex-husband, I discovered that abusive people can become so controlling when confronted, our safety may be compromised. I once belonged to a group of women trying to leave their partners. One was murdered, and most of the others were slipping from one safe house to the next in an effort to avoid further abuse. Please DO NOT confront an abuser. Instead, use the unmailed Total Truth Letter to complete your forgiveness process with them.
Forgive so that you can move on.
Being angry, negative, and unforgiving about a past hurt robs us of valuable time and energy for present undertakings. If we hold onto resentment, we can be assured that we will attract more of the same.
Forgive to bring yourself into the present.
By forgiving people, we are NOT admitting that we condone their actions. It also does NOT mean that we have to ever trust them again. We merely release ourselves from the pain and resentment so that we can finally live fully in present day, not in the past.
What if it's really hard to let go?
When people used to tell me that I needed to forgive, I would tell them that they had no idea how horrific my life had been. Jack points out that he was kidnapped and assaulted, abused by his alcoholic father, had money embezzled by close friends, and so on. He has learned to forgive everyone from his past and is enjoying the benefits. He tells that the moment we forgive completely, God's blessings come rushing in within hours or days.
A dear friend told me years ago that forgiveness is for me, not for the person who hurt me. Harboring resentment for years on end destroys me, not the other person.
Jack has written something called the Forgiveness Affirmation, which you can find on pages 219-220 of The Success Principles. He suggests reading this three times daily until we have completed forgiving everyone from our past. I broke through so much old pain by reading this, I am sharing it here with you:
I release myself from all the demands and judgments that have kept me limited. I allow myself to go free--to live in joy and love and peace. I allow myself to create fulfilling relationships, to have success in my life, to experience pleasure, to know that I am worthy and deserve to have what I want. I now go free. In that process, I release all others from any demands and expectations I have placed on them. I choose to be free. I allow others to be free. I forgive myself, and I forgive them. And so it is.
Mark 11:25 in the Bible records what Jesus had to say about this topic: "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Holding onto unforgiveness prevents us from having a complete relationship with God.
Knowing that I may not receive the blessing of God's forgiveness if I don't forgive others keeps me focused on figuring out how to let go of my past pain. With prayer, I know that I can complete this process. I am really thankful for people like Jack Canfield, who understand how difficult this can be.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of all the people you need to forgive. Write it like this:
(Person's name) hurt me by (whatever action caused you pain and anger).
Choose one of these hurtful events, and work through the six steps of the Total Truth Process. Remember to spend an equal amount of time on each step. This can be done alone by merely speaking to an empty chair, or you can practice it first and then actually confront the person, if it is safe to do so. If you would prefer, you can use the Total Truth Letter, which does not have to get mailed. Transcend the pain of your past and triumph!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Clean Up Your Messes and Incompletes, Part II
I am not moving on today with new material from The Success Principles, because I'm trying to clean up my messes and deal with my incompletes. Like most Americans, I have been Christmas shopping, wrapping gifts, putting up outdoor lights, and decorating the tree. My house has been a wreck for days, but I'm getting closer to completing my Christmas preparations.
To take a break from the holiday madness, I went to a Healing Touch workshop this morning. Healing Touch teaches the use of intentional prayer/meditation to bring the power of the Holy Spirit up from the earth and into our hands. We can become conduits for God's healing by gently laying hands on people who are open to receiving it.
Today, we focused on learning how to release pain. Class members took turns receiving and giving Healing Touch. When it was my turn to receive, my arms and legs twitched constantly. The instructor assured us that this was normal when a person is releasing emotional pain.
I realized during class that Jack Canfield's directive to clean up our messes and incompletes was probably behind the emotional release that I experienced. I have had so much work to do in the area of forgiveness, and I have been letting go of a lot of old psychological pain over the past few months. Thanks to the help of a Healing Touch practitioner, I am finally beginning to understand how to forgive completely.
Tomorrow's Success Principle is, in my opinion, critical to every person's long-term success. For survivors of abuse and trauma, it is particularly important to pay close attention to Jack's lesson on forgiveness. We will be learning about how to complete the past so that we can embrace the future. Perhaps you can set aside a little extra quiet time for yourself tomorrow. I know you'll be glad that you did.
To take a break from the holiday madness, I went to a Healing Touch workshop this morning. Healing Touch teaches the use of intentional prayer/meditation to bring the power of the Holy Spirit up from the earth and into our hands. We can become conduits for God's healing by gently laying hands on people who are open to receiving it.
Today, we focused on learning how to release pain. Class members took turns receiving and giving Healing Touch. When it was my turn to receive, my arms and legs twitched constantly. The instructor assured us that this was normal when a person is releasing emotional pain.
I realized during class that Jack Canfield's directive to clean up our messes and incompletes was probably behind the emotional release that I experienced. I have had so much work to do in the area of forgiveness, and I have been letting go of a lot of old psychological pain over the past few months. Thanks to the help of a Healing Touch practitioner, I am finally beginning to understand how to forgive completely.
Tomorrow's Success Principle is, in my opinion, critical to every person's long-term success. For survivors of abuse and trauma, it is particularly important to pay close attention to Jack's lesson on forgiveness. We will be learning about how to complete the past so that we can embrace the future. Perhaps you can set aside a little extra quiet time for yourself tomorrow. I know you'll be glad that you did.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Clean Up Your Messes and Incompletes
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #28
Today, Jack addresses the problems that are created by incomplete projects in our lives. All projects include six steps:
1) decide to undertake the project,
2) plan the details,
3) start the work,
4) continue making progress,
5) finish the project, and
6) complete any loose ends.
Most of us fail to complete projects, which might include things such as thanking an employee for a job well-done, sewing a pom-pom on a hat we have knitted, hauling junk to Goodwill after cleaning out the garage, or forgiving the people who have hurt us to bring closure to our relationship. Failing to complete keeps us bound to our past, so that we're not free to fully embrace the present.
I must be the Queen of Incompletes. My garage is stacked from floor to ceiling with totes full of incomplete projects. If I actually sewed all of the fabric, knit all of the yarn, and put all of the photos in albums; I could park my car in the garage.
The Bible calls us to finish our work, just as Jack does. Colossians 4:17 reads, "See to it that you complete the work you have received in the Lord."
How do we manage all of the messes we have made? Jack offers some really helpful suggestions for getting rid of our incompletes.
Stop wasting your valuable 'attention units.'
We only have so many attention units: spaces in our minds where we must place things to be remembered. When we say yes to too many projects, we have fewer attention units to complete current tasks. As a result, work piles up. Over time, they become totes full of incompletes, like the ones in my garage.
Incompletes usually represent areas in our lives where we're not clear. Or they may indicate emotional or psychological blocks. Incompletes make us uncomfortable, so we avoid them. I realized that I have been avoiding sewing new patches onto an antique quilt, because I'm afraid that the owner will be dissatisfied with my stitching.
I have not brought closure to my relationship with my parents, because I'm unclear whether I have the right to tell them I don't want to see them anymore until they get healthy. Survivors of abuse struggle with the guilt of wishing to move on and feeling tied to their chaotic families.
Get into completion consciousness.
This section really hit home for me: 50 half-completed projects are equal to 20 completed ones. For as along as I can remember, I've had trouble finishing projects.
When I was in second grade, my mother was in the hospital. I wrote her a letter that reads, "Today, I finished all of my yesterday's work at school!"
Abuse and trauma can cause inattention, which lead to incompletes in our lives. The depression of PTSD often gets misdiagnosed as attention deficit disorder. If we are aware of this, we can address the underlying psychological issues that lead to incompletes in the first place.
Practice the 4 Ds of completion.
Jack reviews this common practice that many office managers share with their employees to keep work moving efficiently:
*Do it immediately.
*Delegate it to someone else and ask them to report that it's finished.
*Delay it and get back to it later. (This one gets me into trouble.)
*Dump it into the trash, the Goodwill bin, the garage sale.
By following these four Ds of completion, we can clear out a lot of clutter from our lives.
Make space for something new.
We can't have new things in our lives until we make space for them. This means that we have to clean up our hearts, our minds, and our homes. Jack suggests simple tasks, such as getting rid of clothes we haven't worn in over six months, cleaning out the attic full of useless items, and dumping everything from our 'junk drawer.'
If we're still grieving over a broken relationship, and we want a new one; we must clear the old hurts from our hearts before we can embrace the love of someone new.
Figure out what's irritating you.
As we go through our day, there are little things that annoy us and steal our peace. Jack recommends fixing, replacing, mending, or getting rid of irritants. We can walk through our home, our yard, our office, and even our community to observe what bothers us.
I am irritated by the cracked chimney flue that doesn't allow us to use our fireplace, the broken tiles in Joe's bathroom, and the brush overgrowing a tree in the front yard. These things annoy me the most, because I don't have the funds or the strength to deal with them. I can, however, set aside the money and make plans for someone else to take care of them later. Just listing them and knowing that I have a plan can help reduce the irritation that they cause.
Hire a professional organizer.
If you're seriously buried under mountains of incompletes, Jack suggests hiring a professional organizer. If you can't afford one, ask a friend to help. While I have heaps of incompletes in my own home, I am quite good at organizing other people's messes.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of 25 incompletes in your life that are holding you back from embracing the present. Include household messes, psychological junk, and over-commitments that you need to clear. Set aside a few hours this weekend to deal with three of them.
Today, Jack addresses the problems that are created by incomplete projects in our lives. All projects include six steps:
1) decide to undertake the project,
2) plan the details,
3) start the work,
4) continue making progress,
5) finish the project, and
6) complete any loose ends.
Most of us fail to complete projects, which might include things such as thanking an employee for a job well-done, sewing a pom-pom on a hat we have knitted, hauling junk to Goodwill after cleaning out the garage, or forgiving the people who have hurt us to bring closure to our relationship. Failing to complete keeps us bound to our past, so that we're not free to fully embrace the present.
I must be the Queen of Incompletes. My garage is stacked from floor to ceiling with totes full of incomplete projects. If I actually sewed all of the fabric, knit all of the yarn, and put all of the photos in albums; I could park my car in the garage.
The Bible calls us to finish our work, just as Jack does. Colossians 4:17 reads, "See to it that you complete the work you have received in the Lord."
How do we manage all of the messes we have made? Jack offers some really helpful suggestions for getting rid of our incompletes.
Stop wasting your valuable 'attention units.'
We only have so many attention units: spaces in our minds where we must place things to be remembered. When we say yes to too many projects, we have fewer attention units to complete current tasks. As a result, work piles up. Over time, they become totes full of incompletes, like the ones in my garage.
Incompletes usually represent areas in our lives where we're not clear. Or they may indicate emotional or psychological blocks. Incompletes make us uncomfortable, so we avoid them. I realized that I have been avoiding sewing new patches onto an antique quilt, because I'm afraid that the owner will be dissatisfied with my stitching.
I have not brought closure to my relationship with my parents, because I'm unclear whether I have the right to tell them I don't want to see them anymore until they get healthy. Survivors of abuse struggle with the guilt of wishing to move on and feeling tied to their chaotic families.
Get into completion consciousness.
This section really hit home for me: 50 half-completed projects are equal to 20 completed ones. For as along as I can remember, I've had trouble finishing projects.
When I was in second grade, my mother was in the hospital. I wrote her a letter that reads, "Today, I finished all of my yesterday's work at school!"
Abuse and trauma can cause inattention, which lead to incompletes in our lives. The depression of PTSD often gets misdiagnosed as attention deficit disorder. If we are aware of this, we can address the underlying psychological issues that lead to incompletes in the first place.
Practice the 4 Ds of completion.
Jack reviews this common practice that many office managers share with their employees to keep work moving efficiently:
*Do it immediately.
*Delegate it to someone else and ask them to report that it's finished.
*Delay it and get back to it later. (This one gets me into trouble.)
*Dump it into the trash, the Goodwill bin, the garage sale.
By following these four Ds of completion, we can clear out a lot of clutter from our lives.
Make space for something new.
We can't have new things in our lives until we make space for them. This means that we have to clean up our hearts, our minds, and our homes. Jack suggests simple tasks, such as getting rid of clothes we haven't worn in over six months, cleaning out the attic full of useless items, and dumping everything from our 'junk drawer.'
If we're still grieving over a broken relationship, and we want a new one; we must clear the old hurts from our hearts before we can embrace the love of someone new.
Figure out what's irritating you.
As we go through our day, there are little things that annoy us and steal our peace. Jack recommends fixing, replacing, mending, or getting rid of irritants. We can walk through our home, our yard, our office, and even our community to observe what bothers us.
I am irritated by the cracked chimney flue that doesn't allow us to use our fireplace, the broken tiles in Joe's bathroom, and the brush overgrowing a tree in the front yard. These things annoy me the most, because I don't have the funds or the strength to deal with them. I can, however, set aside the money and make plans for someone else to take care of them later. Just listing them and knowing that I have a plan can help reduce the irritation that they cause.
Hire a professional organizer.
If you're seriously buried under mountains of incompletes, Jack suggests hiring a professional organizer. If you can't afford one, ask a friend to help. While I have heaps of incompletes in my own home, I am quite good at organizing other people's messes.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of 25 incompletes in your life that are holding you back from embracing the present. Include household messes, psychological junk, and over-commitments that you need to clear. Set aside a few hours this weekend to deal with three of them.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Keep Your Eye on the Prize
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #27
Successful people remain focused on their past successes, not their failures. Their written goals keep their eyes trained on their next action steps, not on distractions.
Remember the most important 45 minutes of the day.
Jack asserts that the most productive time of day is the 45 minutes prior to falling asleep. Whatever we focus on during that time, our brains will work all night to help us internalize.
He points out that if we watch violent TV or the late night news just before nodding off, this is what our subconscious mind will re-play all night long. I agree with this assertion, because if I watch action-adventure movies with Joe right before bed, I have disturbing dreams all night. If we have been abused, just thinking about our abuser will lead us to dream about him.
Jack recommends spending those final 45 minutes quietly planning the following day's activities. We should review our goals book, read something inspiring, and meditate on something positive. When I do this, I do sleep better, and the following day goes more smoothly.
Practice the evening review.
Jack teaches us to sit with our eyes closed, breathe deeply, and ask God, "Show me where I could have been more ______________ today. The blank could include words, such as loving, effective, assertive, peaceful, and so on. We choose the word and then wait for the answer to this statement. In the quiet, God will speak to us and show us what to do better next time.
King David was considered a man after God's own heart. He wrote in Psalm 139:23-24, Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.Thousands of years ago, David was practicing this important exercise of daily review.
Keep a Daily Success Journal.
I went to www.thesuccessprinciples.com to download this form. Jack recommends utilizing it for 30 days. It is a chart with four headings:
-Success;
-Reason;
-Further Progress; and
-Next Action
He directs readers to fill out this form daily in order to monitor daily successes. He advocates this to help us develop greater self-esteem, which most of us lack.
If I were filling this out based on my activities yesterday, it would look like this:
-Success: I created a logo for my etsy shop, Hope Quilts of Ohio.
-Reason: The proceeds will help exploited girls in Pakistan learn to sew.
-Further Progress: Create business cards.
-Next Action: Go to office supply to order cards.
If we do this activity every day, it creates momentum in our lives. It's hard to ignore the next action when we've spelled out why this is important to us.
I really feel compassion for young Pakistani girls who have become bonded servants, toiling in the scorching sun all day to make bricks. The men who oversee their work sexually abuse them. With my help, a missionary can buy the brick girls their freedom, keep them safe, and teach them how to sew to make a living. Their lives will be forever transformed by the money I send.
Create your ideal day the night before.
I have been practicing this habit for the past few weeks, and I can attest that it works quite well. Before going to sleep, Jack teaches us to visualize our upcoming day. I have been thinking about everything flowing smoothly: the car runs like a top, traffic is light, parking spaces are easy to find, the grocery clerk is efficient, everyone I meet is pleasant.
While we sleep, our subconscious mind goes to work to create our ideal day, just as we have imagined it. Consider what chaos we create for ourselves when we lie in bed, imagining the worst for the following day. Remember, we attract what we think about.
Today's Challenge
Go to www.thesuccessprinciples.com and download the Daily Success Journal. Write down one success, the reason you believe this is important to you, further progress that needs to occur, and your next action.
Complete the evening review tonight, asking God to show you how you can do better next time. And remember to visualize a terrific tomorrow before you fall asleep!
Successful people remain focused on their past successes, not their failures. Their written goals keep their eyes trained on their next action steps, not on distractions.
Remember the most important 45 minutes of the day.
Jack asserts that the most productive time of day is the 45 minutes prior to falling asleep. Whatever we focus on during that time, our brains will work all night to help us internalize.
He points out that if we watch violent TV or the late night news just before nodding off, this is what our subconscious mind will re-play all night long. I agree with this assertion, because if I watch action-adventure movies with Joe right before bed, I have disturbing dreams all night. If we have been abused, just thinking about our abuser will lead us to dream about him.
Jack recommends spending those final 45 minutes quietly planning the following day's activities. We should review our goals book, read something inspiring, and meditate on something positive. When I do this, I do sleep better, and the following day goes more smoothly.
Practice the evening review.
Jack teaches us to sit with our eyes closed, breathe deeply, and ask God, "Show me where I could have been more ______________ today. The blank could include words, such as loving, effective, assertive, peaceful, and so on. We choose the word and then wait for the answer to this statement. In the quiet, God will speak to us and show us what to do better next time.
King David was considered a man after God's own heart. He wrote in Psalm 139:23-24, Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.Thousands of years ago, David was practicing this important exercise of daily review.
Keep a Daily Success Journal.
I went to www.thesuccessprinciples.com to download this form. Jack recommends utilizing it for 30 days. It is a chart with four headings:
-Success;
-Reason;
-Further Progress; and
-Next Action
He directs readers to fill out this form daily in order to monitor daily successes. He advocates this to help us develop greater self-esteem, which most of us lack.
If I were filling this out based on my activities yesterday, it would look like this:
-Success: I created a logo for my etsy shop, Hope Quilts of Ohio.
-Reason: The proceeds will help exploited girls in Pakistan learn to sew.
-Further Progress: Create business cards.
-Next Action: Go to office supply to order cards.
If we do this activity every day, it creates momentum in our lives. It's hard to ignore the next action when we've spelled out why this is important to us.
I really feel compassion for young Pakistani girls who have become bonded servants, toiling in the scorching sun all day to make bricks. The men who oversee their work sexually abuse them. With my help, a missionary can buy the brick girls their freedom, keep them safe, and teach them how to sew to make a living. Their lives will be forever transformed by the money I send.
Create your ideal day the night before.
I have been practicing this habit for the past few weeks, and I can attest that it works quite well. Before going to sleep, Jack teaches us to visualize our upcoming day. I have been thinking about everything flowing smoothly: the car runs like a top, traffic is light, parking spaces are easy to find, the grocery clerk is efficient, everyone I meet is pleasant.
While we sleep, our subconscious mind goes to work to create our ideal day, just as we have imagined it. Consider what chaos we create for ourselves when we lie in bed, imagining the worst for the following day. Remember, we attract what we think about.
Today's Challenge
Go to www.thesuccessprinciples.com and download the Daily Success Journal. Write down one success, the reason you believe this is important to you, further progress that needs to occur, and your next action.
Complete the evening review tonight, asking God to show you how you can do better next time. And remember to visualize a terrific tomorrow before you fall asleep!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Acknowledge Your Positive Past
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #26
Most of us were raised by parents and teachers who paid far more attention to our failings than to our successes. Our brains are wired to remember things that are closely associated to strong emotions. The shame or fear that adults instilled in us brought about powerful feelings of failure. We remember those well.
If we want to re-progrgam our minds to forget these negative feelings, we must consciously focus on and celebrate our successes. Jack Canfield offers some helpful exercises for improving self-esteem in today's lesson.
Use the poker chip theory of self-esteem and success.
Unless we begin to celebrate our successes, our self-esteem will remain low. Think about the game of poker, where the players must place bets. If you have only 5 chips, and I have 200, I'll probably have greater confidence and take more risks than you will. I can make forty 5-chip bets before I'm out. You can only make one.
This poker-chip theory applies to our self-esteem. If we have very little self-esteem, we won't take risks. We'll bow out of opportunities just to save face. But if we have 200 poker chips worth of self-esteem, we'll stick out your necks and risk feeling a little uncomfortable.
Begin by listing 9 major successes.
To help raise our self-esteem, we can begin to make an inventory of our major successes. Divide your life into three equal time periods. Then, list three successes you've had for each time period. My list looks like this:
Birth to 17
1. Sewed my first dress at the age of nine
2. Won the leading lady's role in our community theater
3. Got accepted to the University of Michigan
Age 18 to 34
1. Published my first book
2. Gave birth to three healthy babies
3. Earned a bachelor's and a master's degree
Age 35 to 50
1. Wrote a biography in 42 days
2. Set myself free from my abusive spouse
3. Landed a job as a magazine editor
Create a Victory Log.
A powerful way to increase our self-esteem is to create a Victory Log. We can recall and write down our successes each day. Later, we can re-read them to boost our self-confidence. Jack suggests expanding this list to 101 accomplishments. This can be difficult, but as our self-esteem improves, our memories of positive experiences will, too.
Display your success symbols.
Another way to build our self-esteem is to surround ourselves with symbols of our success. Last week, I hung a collection of framed objects over my desk. These include my diplomas, the cover of my first two books, and the cover of the magazine I edited. It also includes a painting I recently completed and a photo of a dock overlooking a lake.
This technique works on our subconscious mind to program us into believing that we are winners. It also conveys that message to others who see what we have accomplished.
Practice the mirror exercise daily.
The mirror exercise is designed to provide us with acknowledgement for our daily successes. Just before going to bed, stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself out loud how proud you are for any achievements you can claim, any personal disciplines you kept, and any temptations that you did not give in to.
Jack explains that this exercise can actually make people so uncomfortable that they break out in hives, sweat profusely, or feel nauseated. It makes most people feel silly, embarrassed, or uncomfortable at first. We are taught that we should never toot our own horn, become a stuffed shirt, or get a swelled head.
This exercise is designed to counteract the old parental wounds, unrealistic expectations, and self-judgements that we've been carrying around for years. Jack recommends doing the mirror exercise each night for 90 days. After that, we can decide whether or not we want to continue it.
Reward your inner child.
Each of us is made up of three distinct ego states: parent, adult, and child. The adult ego gathers data and makes logical decisions. It helps us remember appointments, figure out taxes, and balance the checkbook.
Our parent ego tells us to do the things according to its critical standards. These things include tasks such as brushing our teeth, meeting deadlines, and finishing projects. The parent ego also has a nurturing side that lets us know we're protected, well cared for, and loved. It ackowledges us when we do a good job.
Our child ego whines, begs for attention, craves hugs, and acts out when it doesn't get its way. Most of us ignore our inner child's needs, because we are still trying to measure up to our perfectionistic parents' standards.
We can regularly reward our child ego for its accomplishments: for sitting quietly at a desk until a job is done, finishing a task on time, avoiding temptations, and so on. Rewards for our inner child might include reading a novel, going to the movies, playing with a friend, listening to music, or dancing.
For those of us who grew up with abusive parents, our parent ego often reminds us that we are failures. My friend told me this week that she gets nervous whenever someone watches her performing a task that she feels should be done to exacting standards. She realizes that this unfounded fear comes from her father's emotional abuse, but she still struggles to measure up to his perfectisionistic demands.
If we have suffered abuse, we can remember that our heavenly Father loves us very much. Even if our earthly parents failed to make us feel loved and appreciated, God can satisfy our longings. Psalm 13:5 reads, But I trust in your unfailing love. We can turn to God's Word regularly to remind our child egos that we are special and very much appreciated.
Today's Challenge
1. Write your nine major successes. Expand it to include 101 successes.
2. Start making entries in your Victory Log.
3. Practice the mirror exercise.
4. Reward your inner child today for a job well-done.
Most of us were raised by parents and teachers who paid far more attention to our failings than to our successes. Our brains are wired to remember things that are closely associated to strong emotions. The shame or fear that adults instilled in us brought about powerful feelings of failure. We remember those well.
If we want to re-progrgam our minds to forget these negative feelings, we must consciously focus on and celebrate our successes. Jack Canfield offers some helpful exercises for improving self-esteem in today's lesson.
Use the poker chip theory of self-esteem and success.
Unless we begin to celebrate our successes, our self-esteem will remain low. Think about the game of poker, where the players must place bets. If you have only 5 chips, and I have 200, I'll probably have greater confidence and take more risks than you will. I can make forty 5-chip bets before I'm out. You can only make one.
This poker-chip theory applies to our self-esteem. If we have very little self-esteem, we won't take risks. We'll bow out of opportunities just to save face. But if we have 200 poker chips worth of self-esteem, we'll stick out your necks and risk feeling a little uncomfortable.
Begin by listing 9 major successes.
To help raise our self-esteem, we can begin to make an inventory of our major successes. Divide your life into three equal time periods. Then, list three successes you've had for each time period. My list looks like this:
Birth to 17
1. Sewed my first dress at the age of nine
2. Won the leading lady's role in our community theater
3. Got accepted to the University of Michigan
Age 18 to 34
1. Published my first book
2. Gave birth to three healthy babies
3. Earned a bachelor's and a master's degree
Age 35 to 50
1. Wrote a biography in 42 days
2. Set myself free from my abusive spouse
3. Landed a job as a magazine editor
Create a Victory Log.
A powerful way to increase our self-esteem is to create a Victory Log. We can recall and write down our successes each day. Later, we can re-read them to boost our self-confidence. Jack suggests expanding this list to 101 accomplishments. This can be difficult, but as our self-esteem improves, our memories of positive experiences will, too.
Display your success symbols.
Another way to build our self-esteem is to surround ourselves with symbols of our success. Last week, I hung a collection of framed objects over my desk. These include my diplomas, the cover of my first two books, and the cover of the magazine I edited. It also includes a painting I recently completed and a photo of a dock overlooking a lake.
This technique works on our subconscious mind to program us into believing that we are winners. It also conveys that message to others who see what we have accomplished.
Practice the mirror exercise daily.
The mirror exercise is designed to provide us with acknowledgement for our daily successes. Just before going to bed, stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself out loud how proud you are for any achievements you can claim, any personal disciplines you kept, and any temptations that you did not give in to.
Jack explains that this exercise can actually make people so uncomfortable that they break out in hives, sweat profusely, or feel nauseated. It makes most people feel silly, embarrassed, or uncomfortable at first. We are taught that we should never toot our own horn, become a stuffed shirt, or get a swelled head.
This exercise is designed to counteract the old parental wounds, unrealistic expectations, and self-judgements that we've been carrying around for years. Jack recommends doing the mirror exercise each night for 90 days. After that, we can decide whether or not we want to continue it.
Reward your inner child.
Each of us is made up of three distinct ego states: parent, adult, and child. The adult ego gathers data and makes logical decisions. It helps us remember appointments, figure out taxes, and balance the checkbook.
Our parent ego tells us to do the things according to its critical standards. These things include tasks such as brushing our teeth, meeting deadlines, and finishing projects. The parent ego also has a nurturing side that lets us know we're protected, well cared for, and loved. It ackowledges us when we do a good job.
Our child ego whines, begs for attention, craves hugs, and acts out when it doesn't get its way. Most of us ignore our inner child's needs, because we are still trying to measure up to our perfectionistic parents' standards.
We can regularly reward our child ego for its accomplishments: for sitting quietly at a desk until a job is done, finishing a task on time, avoiding temptations, and so on. Rewards for our inner child might include reading a novel, going to the movies, playing with a friend, listening to music, or dancing.
For those of us who grew up with abusive parents, our parent ego often reminds us that we are failures. My friend told me this week that she gets nervous whenever someone watches her performing a task that she feels should be done to exacting standards. She realizes that this unfounded fear comes from her father's emotional abuse, but she still struggles to measure up to his perfectisionistic demands.
If we have suffered abuse, we can remember that our heavenly Father loves us very much. Even if our earthly parents failed to make us feel loved and appreciated, God can satisfy our longings. Psalm 13:5 reads, But I trust in your unfailing love. We can turn to God's Word regularly to remind our child egos that we are special and very much appreciated.
Today's Challenge
1. Write your nine major successes. Expand it to include 101 successes.
2. Start making entries in your Victory Log.
3. Practice the mirror exercise.
4. Reward your inner child today for a job well-done.
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