Complete the Past to Embrace the Future

Jack Canfield's Success Principle #29

If we hold onto unforgiveness, it's as if we're dragging an anchor behind us. It slows us down and prevents us from enjoying today and receiving God's blessings. If we can release unforgiveness, we will discover that we can move faster and more easily through life.

Learn the six steps of the Total Truth Process.
Jack asserts that we belong in a natural state of love and joy. The Total Truth Process helps us to release the negative emotions that are attached to unforgiveness. Through this process, we can express our true feelings so that we can return to our natural state: caring, sharing closeness with others, and living cooperatively.

The goal of the Total Truth Process lies in expressing anger and hurt, and then moving toward forgiveness and love. We can practice letting go of our pain by sitting in a chair and visualizing the person who hurt us in a chair across from us. If it is appropriate, we can actually go to the person who hurt us to confront them in person. We should spend an equal amount of time on each of the following six stages:

1) anger and resentment
2) hurt
3) fear
4) remorse, regret, accountability
5) wants
6) love, compassion, forgiveness, and appreciation

As I am writing this, I don't even know where to begin. So many people have hurt me, I feel as if I could spend the second half of my life just trying to forgive them. Jack directs us to take as long as we need to complete this forgiveness process for each person before moving on.

So, here is what one of my Total Truth Processes would look like. I'm going to choose to work on the day I had five abcessed teeth pulled. I was eight years old, and my mother left me alone in the house while she had a pool party out back.

1) I felt angry when you left me alone inside the house while you were outside getting drunk with your friends.
2) It hurt me to think that your own fun was more important to you than comforting me at a time when I was in terrible pain.
3) I was afraid there in the dark by myself, with no one to hold my hand and reassure me.
4) I'm sorry that I didn't get out of bed to let you know what I needed.
5) All I ever wanted was for you to put my needs ahead of your own.
6) I understand that you did not receive the type of love and nurturing that you needed as a little girl; so you were not capable of giving me what I deserved, either. I forgive you.

We can follow this format above that I have indicated in italics for all of our past hurts. By including each of these six steps, we can finally release all of our emotions and bring closure to every incident.

Opt for a Total Truth Letter in some instances.
If the person we need to forgive is dead, unavailable, or unwilling to cooperate so that we can tell them these things in person, we can write what Jack calls a Total Truth Letter. We can write the six steps, and then destroy the letter.

I want to add something here that Jack did not include. In the process of leaving my ex-husband, I discovered that abusive people can become so controlling when confronted, our safety may be compromised. I once belonged to a group of women trying to leave their partners. One was murdered, and most of the others were slipping from one safe house to the next in an effort to avoid further abuse. Please DO NOT confront an abuser. Instead, use the unmailed Total Truth Letter to complete your forgiveness process with them.

Forgive so that you can move on.
Being angry, negative, and unforgiving about a past hurt robs us of valuable time and energy for present undertakings. If we hold onto resentment, we can be assured that we will attract more of the same.

Forgive to bring yourself into the present.
By forgiving people, we are NOT admitting that we condone their actions. It also does NOT mean that we have to ever trust them again. We merely release ourselves from the pain and resentment so that we can finally live fully in present day, not in the past.

What if it's really hard to let go?
When people used to tell me that I needed to forgive, I would tell them that they had no idea how horrific my life had been. Jack points out that he was kidnapped and assaulted, abused by his alcoholic father, had money embezzled by close friends, and so on. He has learned to forgive everyone from his past and is enjoying the benefits. He tells that the moment we forgive completely, God's blessings come rushing in within hours or days.

A dear friend told me years ago that forgiveness is for me, not for the person who hurt me. Harboring resentment for years on end destroys me, not the other person.

Jack has written something called the Forgiveness Affirmation, which you can find on pages 219-220 of The Success Principles. He suggests reading this three times daily until we have completed forgiving everyone from our past. I broke through so much old pain by reading this, I am sharing it here with you:

I release myself from all the demands and judgments that have kept me limited. I allow myself to go free--to live in joy and love and peace. I allow myself to create fulfilling relationships, to have success in my life, to experience pleasure, to know that I am worthy and deserve to have what I want. I now go free. In that process, I release all others from any demands and expectations I have placed on them. I choose to be free. I allow others to be free. I forgive myself, and I forgive them. And so it is.

Mark 11:25 in the Bible records what Jesus had to say about this topic: "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Holding onto unforgiveness prevents us from having a complete relationship with God.

Knowing that I may not receive the blessing of God's forgiveness if I don't forgive others keeps me focused on figuring out how to let go of my past pain. With prayer, I know that I can complete this process. I am really thankful for people like Jack Canfield, who understand how difficult this can be.

Today's Challenge
Make a list of all the people you need to forgive. Write it like this:

(Person's name) hurt me by (whatever action caused you pain and anger).

Choose one of these hurtful events, and work through the six steps of the Total Truth Process. Remember to spend an equal amount of time on each step. This can be done alone by merely speaking to an empty chair, or you can practice it first and then actually confront the person, if it is safe to do so. If you would prefer, you can use the Total Truth Letter, which does not have to get mailed. Transcend the pain of your past and triumph!

Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com