We're learning about gaining confidence in my series, Confident in God's Hands. I've pointed out that we may often get ourselves involved in chaotic relationships, jobs, or other situations which make us feel as if all we're doing is putting out fires. Today, I'd like to provide some simple ways to help you learn how to quit the fire department.
Assertiveness 101
As a Stephen Minister, the first thing I learned was that we must be assertive. Without the skills to say no to some things, we can get ourselves into some really unhealthy situations.
When I was working with care receivers, there was no way I could say yes to all of their demands. They were terribly needy people, and giving all of my time and energy to them would have drained me completely.
I had never been assertive in my life, and that's why I had fallen victim to so many abusers over the years. Stephen Ministry training changed everything for me, because it taught me how to stand up for myself and set boundaries.
Do's and Don'ts When Saying No
Becoming assertive is a lot easier than we believe it to be. We create limits for ourselves, and when someone asks us to do something beyond those limits, we simply say no. When we have to tell someone that we cannot fulfill their request on our time, there are some things we should do and some things we should not.
First of all, we tell them up front that we're declining their request.
For example, I may decide that I don't want to attend a party for someone I barely know. The right way to assertively decline the invitation would sound like this: "Susie, I'm calling to say that I won't be able to make it to your party. Thank you for inviting me. I hope you have a good time." Simple, to the point, and perfectly assertive.
An inappropriate response could swing in one of two directions. We can become overly aggressive and come across as angry, which doesn't do anything for our relationships with others, even if we don't know them well. An aggressive response would go like this: "Susie, I don't know why on earth you thought I would ever consider coming to your party. I don't even know you. I'm not coming, and I don't want you ever calling me again." Way too harsh, with unwarranted anger.
As survivors of abuse, we tend to swing in the opposite direction and come across as completely passive. The phone call would sound like this: "Hi, Susie. How are you?" We'd listen to her telling us all about her life for ten minutes, all the while squirming about how she's going to react when we tell her we aren't coming to her party.
Eventually, we'd say in a wimpy little voice, "I really want to come to your party. I know it's going to be such fun. I'm so sorry, but I really can't be there. You see, I've got to groom the dog, take the kids to a soccer game, bake a cake for my mother-in-lawy's birthday party, and call all of the members of the PTA about the meeting next week. If I just had more time, I'd just love to be there." Too apologetic, too many excuses, and incredibly cowardly.
Our passive phone call opens the door to Susie talking us into coming to her party, even though we're already over-committed. We end up going to it, all the while checking our watch because we're late for picking up the kids from their game, and we're worried about baking a cake and talking to all of the PTA members. We feel miserable about being at the party, and perhaps anger toward Susie causes us to behave grumpily with her guests.
What does God think about assertiveness?
In ancient Israel, a young Jewish woman named Esther was chosen from among thousands of beauties to become the queen. Because she was both insightful and confident, she knew how to make an assertive request from the fearsome king, who often put people to death just for walking into his throne room. She waited for the right moment to talk to him.
An evil man in the king's service had issued a decree that all Jews must be killed, including Esther. The king was unaware that the order would bring Esther's life to an end. Esther 7:3-4 (MSG) provides us with an excellent example of assertiveness:
Queen Esther answered, "If I have found favor in your eyes, O King, and if it please the king, give me my life, and give my people their lives. We've been sold, I and my people, to be destroyed—sold to be massacred, eliminated. If we had just been sold off into slavery, I wouldn't even have brought it up; our troubles wouldn't have been worth bothering the king over."
Esther waits for an opportune time and then states her request up front. She wants the king to spare her life and the lives of her fellow Jews. She explains what has happened and why it is important to her. Then she shuts up and waits for the king's response. Within minutes, the king orders the man who was responsible for the decree to be executed.
Esther went down in history as one of the most confident and courageous women of all time. She chose the right moment to speak, and she did so assertively. No apologies, no long explanations, just the facts combined with some respect. This is a perfect example of assertiveness, and if we can learn to imitate it, we can show others that they must treat us with the same degree of respect that we have for ourselves.
The Three Rules of Assertiveness
God wants us to be as assertive as Esther was. When we make requests of people or decline their demands on our time, it is important to remember three things:
1) We must choose an opportune time to respectfully state our limits clearly and succinctly up front;
2) We must never apologize for setting boundaries around ourselves; and
3) We must not provide excuses or long explanations for our requests.
All of us can become more assertive by following this simple three-step process. It changed my life, and I'm certain it will change yours if you're willing to give it a try.
Today's Challenge
If you're really wimpy about setting boundaries around yourself and your time, find a friend to help you role-play assertive conversations. Act out the overly aggressive response and have some good laughs. Try on the passive conversation and discover how much you have used it in the past. Then, give the assertive approach your best effort, and find out how it feels. With a little practice, you'll soon see how easy it is to get what you need without feeling guilty or angry.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Quit the Fire Department
We continue with my series, Confident in God's Hands, with a look at our reactions to challenges in life. If we want to become more confident, we need to reconsider how we respond to chaos.
A fireman's life
A friend of mine is a fireman, and he leads a much different life from the rest of us. At times, it is difficult to connect with him, because he's on duty at the fire station. He keeps busy there, maintaining the equipment and training for emergencies.
When the buzzer sounds at the station, my friend rushes off with his team to fires, car accidents, floods, downed trees, and many other emergencies. He doesn't mind doing the maintenance work, but he lives for the rush he feels whenever that alarm goes off.
Are you a chaos junkie?
If we've been victims of abuse or trauma, we are very much like my friend, the fireman. The constant turmoil of our past causes us to crave more of the same. Even though we know it's not healthy for us to live like this, we unwittingly do whatever it takes to replicate the crisis-centered life we once knew.
We may leave an abusive marriage and then connect with another partner who is equally unkind to us. Or we may attempt to create a lifestyle full of 'adventure,' which everyone else can clearly see is a thin veil for chaos.
None of us does this intentionally. It's just part of the way we're wired. Abuse or trauma has programmed our brains to look for more emergencies, just as my fireman friend does. We feel antsy unless we're racing from one disaster to another.
If we do find our way out of an abusive situation or we survive something as traumatic as combat, we may look for other ways to create emotional chaos. We choose jobs that feel similar to our abusive or traumatic past, such as that of fireman, emergency room doctor, soldier, or inner-city social worker.
If our jobs don't give us the rush we're seeking, we volunteer our services in places where there is an element of danger. If we can't find the thrill we seek through relationships, work or volunteerism, we constantly rescue people who don't have the sense to run from fire. Whatever it takes, we find a way to add some chaos back into our days.
God doesn't want us playing with fire.
What does God think about our penchant for playing with fire? The prophet, Isaiah, told the nation of Israel, Who out there fears God, actually listens to the voice of his servant? For anyone out there who doesn't know where you're going, anyone groping in the dark, Here's what: Trust in God. Lean on your God! But if all you're after is making trouble, playing with fire, Go ahead and see where it gets you. Set your fires, stir people up, blow on the flames, But don't expect me to just stand there and watch. I'll hold your feet to those flames. (Isaiah 50:10 MSG)
For the past year, I have been writing about the importance of discovering God's plan for our lives and following it. Sometimes, I feel as frustrated as Isaiah when I meet people who have no clue why they're on earth. I suspect that many of them are so frazzled from running around and putting out fires that they can't think straight. I also suspect that quite a few of them are setting the fires in the first place.
Until we step back from the chaos of our lives and identify the fires, we'll be forever compelled to chase down the smoke. God has beautiful plans for our future, but we've got to quit the fire department first.
Today's Challenge
Are you chasing fires? Or are you actually setting them? Take some time to step back and assess what you're doing with your life. If you're a chaos junkie, find a professional counselor who can help you to identify how you're wasting your time with fires and then get on with the plans God has for your future.
A fireman's life
A friend of mine is a fireman, and he leads a much different life from the rest of us. At times, it is difficult to connect with him, because he's on duty at the fire station. He keeps busy there, maintaining the equipment and training for emergencies.
When the buzzer sounds at the station, my friend rushes off with his team to fires, car accidents, floods, downed trees, and many other emergencies. He doesn't mind doing the maintenance work, but he lives for the rush he feels whenever that alarm goes off.
Are you a chaos junkie?
If we've been victims of abuse or trauma, we are very much like my friend, the fireman. The constant turmoil of our past causes us to crave more of the same. Even though we know it's not healthy for us to live like this, we unwittingly do whatever it takes to replicate the crisis-centered life we once knew.
We may leave an abusive marriage and then connect with another partner who is equally unkind to us. Or we may attempt to create a lifestyle full of 'adventure,' which everyone else can clearly see is a thin veil for chaos.
None of us does this intentionally. It's just part of the way we're wired. Abuse or trauma has programmed our brains to look for more emergencies, just as my fireman friend does. We feel antsy unless we're racing from one disaster to another.
If we do find our way out of an abusive situation or we survive something as traumatic as combat, we may look for other ways to create emotional chaos. We choose jobs that feel similar to our abusive or traumatic past, such as that of fireman, emergency room doctor, soldier, or inner-city social worker.
If our jobs don't give us the rush we're seeking, we volunteer our services in places where there is an element of danger. If we can't find the thrill we seek through relationships, work or volunteerism, we constantly rescue people who don't have the sense to run from fire. Whatever it takes, we find a way to add some chaos back into our days.
God doesn't want us playing with fire.
What does God think about our penchant for playing with fire? The prophet, Isaiah, told the nation of Israel, Who out there fears God, actually listens to the voice of his servant? For anyone out there who doesn't know where you're going, anyone groping in the dark, Here's what: Trust in God. Lean on your God! But if all you're after is making trouble, playing with fire, Go ahead and see where it gets you. Set your fires, stir people up, blow on the flames, But don't expect me to just stand there and watch. I'll hold your feet to those flames. (Isaiah 50:10 MSG)
For the past year, I have been writing about the importance of discovering God's plan for our lives and following it. Sometimes, I feel as frustrated as Isaiah when I meet people who have no clue why they're on earth. I suspect that many of them are so frazzled from running around and putting out fires that they can't think straight. I also suspect that quite a few of them are setting the fires in the first place.
Until we step back from the chaos of our lives and identify the fires, we'll be forever compelled to chase down the smoke. God has beautiful plans for our future, but we've got to quit the fire department first.
Today's Challenge
Are you chasing fires? Or are you actually setting them? Take some time to step back and assess what you're doing with your life. If you're a chaos junkie, find a professional counselor who can help you to identify how you're wasting your time with fires and then get on with the plans God has for your future.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
What Are You Tolerating?
We are learning how to become more confident during my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I'd like to consider how some things which we're tolerating may be holding us back from achieving our dreams.
The Billy Goat
When Joe and I decided to move to the country, we found a large lot at a lake. All that grass would require a much larger mower than our little push model, so we bought a commercial walk-behind. The Billy Goat was supposed to cut over an acre in an hour.
Joe quickly discovered that "Billy" was as disagreeable and stubborn as most live goats. He was headstrong and took off running when Joe was unprepared for the jolt that nearly yanked him off his feet. Billy sometimes ate things he wasn't supposed to, and over time, he only chewed up half of the grass that Joe wanted him to eat.
It was a love/hate relationship from the outset. Joe loved the idea of having a powerful mower with a wide cutting deck, but he hated Billy's performance.
I suggested selling Billy and replacing him with something better, but Joe insisted on trying harder to make Billy tow the line. Why? He doubted that we could sell Billy for enough money to pay for a riding mower, which he would have preferred.
After two years, Billy finally did himself in. He refused to eat the grass at all. So, I put an ad online to sell him, and we went in search of a new mower. Within 24 hours, Billy found a new home with a man whom I am sure will make him behave. We found a refurbished riding mower, and it cost exactly the same amount of money that we received for selling Billy.
Joe's fear that we would lose money prevented him from enjoying what he really wanted. When he finally let go of that old way of thinking, God immediately blessed him with something better. Joe was whooping like a cowboy yesterday, bumping over the yard at breakneck speeds. The lawn looked better than it ever has, and Joe had fun cutting it in half the time.
Out with the old, in with the new
Paul instructed the early Christians in Corinth, Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch. (1 Corinthians 5:7 NIV) He spoke about bread-baking, because at that time, every woman baked her own.
He knew that his listeners would understand his underlying meaning about becoming a new person through belief in Jesus. They could see that old yeast produces a very poor loaf of bread. And old ways of thinking would produce a life as dull and flat as bread made with outdated yeast.
Notice that Paul didn't instruct his audience to buy more yeast. No, he asked his listeners to become something completely different... unleavened bread made without yeast. Paul wanted the Christians at Corinth to understand the importance of getting rid of old habits, relationships, and ideas to make room for Jesus' way of thinking.
Are you tolerating a Billy Goat?
There are many things in life that may annoy us, as Billy did. When we cling to something that isn't working for us, we create a continuous charge of negative energy around ourselves. We also prevent God from blessing us with something that makes us feel contented and peaceful.
We must let go of the things that we're merely tolerating to make room for God's blessings. When we do, we take one step closer to fulfilling our dreams. That first step, taken in faith, will boost our trust in God and our confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
What are you clinging to that you need to release? A destructive relationship? A broken-down car? A beligerent pet? A dead-end job? Take some time today to think about how you need to change your thinking so that you can release annoyances that you're tolerating.
The Billy Goat
When Joe and I decided to move to the country, we found a large lot at a lake. All that grass would require a much larger mower than our little push model, so we bought a commercial walk-behind. The Billy Goat was supposed to cut over an acre in an hour.
Joe quickly discovered that "Billy" was as disagreeable and stubborn as most live goats. He was headstrong and took off running when Joe was unprepared for the jolt that nearly yanked him off his feet. Billy sometimes ate things he wasn't supposed to, and over time, he only chewed up half of the grass that Joe wanted him to eat.
It was a love/hate relationship from the outset. Joe loved the idea of having a powerful mower with a wide cutting deck, but he hated Billy's performance.
I suggested selling Billy and replacing him with something better, but Joe insisted on trying harder to make Billy tow the line. Why? He doubted that we could sell Billy for enough money to pay for a riding mower, which he would have preferred.
After two years, Billy finally did himself in. He refused to eat the grass at all. So, I put an ad online to sell him, and we went in search of a new mower. Within 24 hours, Billy found a new home with a man whom I am sure will make him behave. We found a refurbished riding mower, and it cost exactly the same amount of money that we received for selling Billy.
Joe's fear that we would lose money prevented him from enjoying what he really wanted. When he finally let go of that old way of thinking, God immediately blessed him with something better. Joe was whooping like a cowboy yesterday, bumping over the yard at breakneck speeds. The lawn looked better than it ever has, and Joe had fun cutting it in half the time.
Out with the old, in with the new
Paul instructed the early Christians in Corinth, Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch. (1 Corinthians 5:7 NIV) He spoke about bread-baking, because at that time, every woman baked her own.
He knew that his listeners would understand his underlying meaning about becoming a new person through belief in Jesus. They could see that old yeast produces a very poor loaf of bread. And old ways of thinking would produce a life as dull and flat as bread made with outdated yeast.
Notice that Paul didn't instruct his audience to buy more yeast. No, he asked his listeners to become something completely different... unleavened bread made without yeast. Paul wanted the Christians at Corinth to understand the importance of getting rid of old habits, relationships, and ideas to make room for Jesus' way of thinking.
Are you tolerating a Billy Goat?
There are many things in life that may annoy us, as Billy did. When we cling to something that isn't working for us, we create a continuous charge of negative energy around ourselves. We also prevent God from blessing us with something that makes us feel contented and peaceful.
We must let go of the things that we're merely tolerating to make room for God's blessings. When we do, we take one step closer to fulfilling our dreams. That first step, taken in faith, will boost our trust in God and our confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
What are you clinging to that you need to release? A destructive relationship? A broken-down car? A beligerent pet? A dead-end job? Take some time today to think about how you need to change your thinking so that you can release annoyances that you're tolerating.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Turn Off the Auto Pilot
We continue this week with my series, Confident in God's Hands. Through daily posts, I hope to encourage readers to restore the confidence that was lost through abuse or trauma.
Auto Pilot is supposed to be short-term.
Most jets are designed to include an auto pilot setting, which gives the pilot an opportunity to get out of his seat, walk to the bathroom, eat a meal, and stretch. By simply programming the aircraft to follow a specified course, he can momentarily forget about his duties.
Notice that I said he could momentarily set aside his duties. If the man set the auto pilot and then sat down in first class to sleep eight hours, he and the passengers could be in serious danger. They might overshoot their destination, run out of fuel, or collide with other aircraft.
Are we stuck on auto pilot?
If we have been abused for a very long time or if we've suffered a significant trauma, we tend to set our lives on auto pilot. Why? If our days have been unpredictable, the more stable we can make them, the better we feel.
While stability is a good thing, the problem with this auto pilot setting is that it can hurt us if we allow ourselves to stay on it for too long. We may feel safe by limiting ourselves to the confines of our homes, keeping to ourselves while out in public, and controlling the outcomes of most situations. However, we will never become confident as long as we stay on auto pilot.
God wants us to be bold.
Proverbs 28:1 (MSG) reads ...the righteous are as bold as a lion. God knows that we've been hurt. He was there during the abuse or trauma and in the aftermath of it. He offers us comfort for our pain, but eventually, he wants us to dry our eyes and get back to the business of living. He wants us to be bold, even after we've been hurt.
Like a pilot who's had a little break, there comes a time when we must return to our places. God put us here to carry out a mission, and we can't expect to fulfill his goals for us if we've set our lives on auto pilot. When we return to our rightful places, we discover that new challenges and successes give us opportunities to restore confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Is your life on auto pilot? Are you going to the same job, hanging out with the same old friends, and bypassing opportunities because it's safer than taking risks? Take a hard look at what you're doing and ask yourself if it's time to take a bold step into the unknown.
Auto Pilot is supposed to be short-term.
Most jets are designed to include an auto pilot setting, which gives the pilot an opportunity to get out of his seat, walk to the bathroom, eat a meal, and stretch. By simply programming the aircraft to follow a specified course, he can momentarily forget about his duties.
Notice that I said he could momentarily set aside his duties. If the man set the auto pilot and then sat down in first class to sleep eight hours, he and the passengers could be in serious danger. They might overshoot their destination, run out of fuel, or collide with other aircraft.
Are we stuck on auto pilot?
If we have been abused for a very long time or if we've suffered a significant trauma, we tend to set our lives on auto pilot. Why? If our days have been unpredictable, the more stable we can make them, the better we feel.
While stability is a good thing, the problem with this auto pilot setting is that it can hurt us if we allow ourselves to stay on it for too long. We may feel safe by limiting ourselves to the confines of our homes, keeping to ourselves while out in public, and controlling the outcomes of most situations. However, we will never become confident as long as we stay on auto pilot.
God wants us to be bold.
Proverbs 28:1 (MSG) reads ...the righteous are as bold as a lion. God knows that we've been hurt. He was there during the abuse or trauma and in the aftermath of it. He offers us comfort for our pain, but eventually, he wants us to dry our eyes and get back to the business of living. He wants us to be bold, even after we've been hurt.
Like a pilot who's had a little break, there comes a time when we must return to our places. God put us here to carry out a mission, and we can't expect to fulfill his goals for us if we've set our lives on auto pilot. When we return to our rightful places, we discover that new challenges and successes give us opportunities to restore confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Is your life on auto pilot? Are you going to the same job, hanging out with the same old friends, and bypassing opportunities because it's safer than taking risks? Take a hard look at what you're doing and ask yourself if it's time to take a bold step into the unknown.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Figure Out What Matters to You
We are learning how to be more confident as survivors of abuse or trauma in my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, we think about what matters the most to us so that we can build on it to create more courage.
The Pine Beetle
People who raise trees for a living start having anxiety attacks when they hear pine beetle. This wood-boring insect can destroy acres of trees within a very short period of time, wiping out decades of growth and profits.
I know a man who owns thousands of acres of pine trees. If you were to ask him what he felt passionate about, he would probably tell you the complete eradication of pine beetles from the planet.
If I were to ask you how you felt about pine beetles, most of you would shrug and say that you didn't even know what they were. You see, pine beetles don't matter to you, because they have never impacted your life negatively or hurt anyone that you know.
The apostle Paul found something that mattered.
In order to find a way to be courageous in this world, we must discover something that matters to us. Then, we have to build our days, our careers, our legacies around that thing that we can passionately talk about and try to change.
The apostle Paul started out as a Jewish zealot, arresting and killing every Christian he could find. He had found something that mattered to him, and he wasn't going to quit until he had eradicated all Christans, as timber men wish to eradicate pine beetles.
Paul felt really confident about what he was doing, but his efforts were outside of God's plans. So, Jesus met Paul along the road to Damascus and struck him blind.
Bewildered and terrified, Paul stumbled into town, trying to figure out where he had gone wrong. Soon after, God restored his sight, and you can bet that Paul had a new passion as a result of his life-altering experience. He became as zealous for everyone to become Christians as he had been bent on destroying them. (See Acts 26)
Got passion?
I meet a lot of people whom I ask what matters to them. They shrug, as most people might if I asked them to go on a crusade against the pine beetle. They have no passion for living, for changing the world, or for leaving behind a legacy. They seem like sleepwalkers to me, and I wonder how long it will take before they wake up.
If your child were kidnapped by a child molester, would you simply sit back and shrug your shoulders? No! You would develop passion in an instant to hunt down and bring to justice the person who took away your life's treasure.
Our pain creates passion.
If I had to present a seminar about eradicating pine beetles, it would be a boring 90-minute lecture. I don't have a fire in my belly about the subject, and I don't have any personal experience with pest control.
But ask me how childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, or PTSD affects survivors, and I could talk for days on end without tiring. My personal pain created by abuse has created a passion that will never end.
I believe that our greatest passion stems from our greatest hurt. This is why my life's work has revolved around helping women and children who have been victims of abuse. I don't want anyone else to suffer as long as I did in silence, shame, and confusion.
I want to leave a legacy that will be remembered for centuries after I'm dead. I hope that survivors of abuse and trauma will associate my name with encouragement and love. We must find some way to turn our pain into something worthwhile, otherwise, we live out our lives as sleepwalkers, oblivious to the opportunities to help others and, in the process, to develop greater confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
What matters to you? Are you passionate about spaying/neutering cats? Protecting the great horned owl? Helping underprivileged kids get into college? Comforting widows? Adopting orphans? Identify something that kindles a passion in you today and write down, My passion is to__________.
The Pine Beetle
People who raise trees for a living start having anxiety attacks when they hear pine beetle. This wood-boring insect can destroy acres of trees within a very short period of time, wiping out decades of growth and profits.
I know a man who owns thousands of acres of pine trees. If you were to ask him what he felt passionate about, he would probably tell you the complete eradication of pine beetles from the planet.
If I were to ask you how you felt about pine beetles, most of you would shrug and say that you didn't even know what they were. You see, pine beetles don't matter to you, because they have never impacted your life negatively or hurt anyone that you know.
The apostle Paul found something that mattered.
In order to find a way to be courageous in this world, we must discover something that matters to us. Then, we have to build our days, our careers, our legacies around that thing that we can passionately talk about and try to change.
The apostle Paul started out as a Jewish zealot, arresting and killing every Christian he could find. He had found something that mattered to him, and he wasn't going to quit until he had eradicated all Christans, as timber men wish to eradicate pine beetles.
Paul felt really confident about what he was doing, but his efforts were outside of God's plans. So, Jesus met Paul along the road to Damascus and struck him blind.
Bewildered and terrified, Paul stumbled into town, trying to figure out where he had gone wrong. Soon after, God restored his sight, and you can bet that Paul had a new passion as a result of his life-altering experience. He became as zealous for everyone to become Christians as he had been bent on destroying them. (See Acts 26)
Got passion?
I meet a lot of people whom I ask what matters to them. They shrug, as most people might if I asked them to go on a crusade against the pine beetle. They have no passion for living, for changing the world, or for leaving behind a legacy. They seem like sleepwalkers to me, and I wonder how long it will take before they wake up.
If your child were kidnapped by a child molester, would you simply sit back and shrug your shoulders? No! You would develop passion in an instant to hunt down and bring to justice the person who took away your life's treasure.
Our pain creates passion.
If I had to present a seminar about eradicating pine beetles, it would be a boring 90-minute lecture. I don't have a fire in my belly about the subject, and I don't have any personal experience with pest control.
But ask me how childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, or PTSD affects survivors, and I could talk for days on end without tiring. My personal pain created by abuse has created a passion that will never end.
I believe that our greatest passion stems from our greatest hurt. This is why my life's work has revolved around helping women and children who have been victims of abuse. I don't want anyone else to suffer as long as I did in silence, shame, and confusion.
I want to leave a legacy that will be remembered for centuries after I'm dead. I hope that survivors of abuse and trauma will associate my name with encouragement and love. We must find some way to turn our pain into something worthwhile, otherwise, we live out our lives as sleepwalkers, oblivious to the opportunities to help others and, in the process, to develop greater confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
What matters to you? Are you passionate about spaying/neutering cats? Protecting the great horned owl? Helping underprivileged kids get into college? Comforting widows? Adopting orphans? Identify something that kindles a passion in you today and write down, My passion is to__________.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Imagine Your Future
My series, Confident in God's Garden, continues with some thoughts about looking ahead at the future. We've learned that, as survivors of abuse or trauma, we can be some of the most fearful people on the planet.
Through this series, we've taken some steps to change our outward appearance so that we feel a little more courageous...better equipped for the battles ahead. If we truly want to become bolder, though, we must change what's on the inside, too.
Imagine a fairy tale ending.
Fairy tales have always been popular, because they give readers hope. The author typically introduces a young girl, trapped in an unhappy childhood, and creates a marvelous future for her. When she achieves her dreams, the reader feels satisfied and uplifted.
Snow White danced around, singing Someday My Prince Will Come. She understood the importance of keeping her eyes on what could be, not what was. Hope gave her the courage to keep on moving through life, dreaming of a better future. Eventually, her dreams came true with the arrival of her prince.
We must imagine ourselves in the future, confident, happy, and satisfied. Getting there won't be easy, but if we think about where we want to end up, we can figure out what we need along the way.
What are God's dreams for our future?
God's got a definite plan for our future with him in heaven. Way back when he created the world, our final destinies were already in his plans. To get us to our end destination, he has orchestrated our arrival on earth at exactly the right time. He placed us in our families--even the most dysfunctional ones--where we would learn the skills that we would need for our future lives.
God knew that we would mess things up and get sidetracked along the way. He realized that we would need tremendous hope to keep on going in this challenging world. That's why he sent Jesus to die on a cross to keep sin from separating us from him. Because of God's great love for us, our futures are clearly defined.
God sent Jeremiah, a prophet, to give the Israelites an encouraging message. This same promise still holds true for us and for our future. I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (Jeremiah 29:11b MSG)
Notice that the final phrase says that God has plans to give us the future that we hope for. So many Christians sit back and say that they're waiting on God to tell them what to do. I think they're wasting a lot of precious time, because they fail to engage their minds to discover their purpose for being here.
God has put desires into our hearts for a reason. Those desires are simply his blueprint for our lives. Anything good that we can imagine, God put there in the first place. Our dreams take us where God wants us to go when we step out with courage and put them into action.
Today's Challenge
Imagine your future self as confident, happy, and satisfied. Write down today what you are doing in your dream. Snow White's specific vision was for a prince to come into her life. What's yours? If you're drawing a blank, pray for God's dreams for your future to become clear to you.
Through this series, we've taken some steps to change our outward appearance so that we feel a little more courageous...better equipped for the battles ahead. If we truly want to become bolder, though, we must change what's on the inside, too.
Imagine a fairy tale ending.
Fairy tales have always been popular, because they give readers hope. The author typically introduces a young girl, trapped in an unhappy childhood, and creates a marvelous future for her. When she achieves her dreams, the reader feels satisfied and uplifted.
Snow White danced around, singing Someday My Prince Will Come. She understood the importance of keeping her eyes on what could be, not what was. Hope gave her the courage to keep on moving through life, dreaming of a better future. Eventually, her dreams came true with the arrival of her prince.
We must imagine ourselves in the future, confident, happy, and satisfied. Getting there won't be easy, but if we think about where we want to end up, we can figure out what we need along the way.
What are God's dreams for our future?
God's got a definite plan for our future with him in heaven. Way back when he created the world, our final destinies were already in his plans. To get us to our end destination, he has orchestrated our arrival on earth at exactly the right time. He placed us in our families--even the most dysfunctional ones--where we would learn the skills that we would need for our future lives.
God knew that we would mess things up and get sidetracked along the way. He realized that we would need tremendous hope to keep on going in this challenging world. That's why he sent Jesus to die on a cross to keep sin from separating us from him. Because of God's great love for us, our futures are clearly defined.
God sent Jeremiah, a prophet, to give the Israelites an encouraging message. This same promise still holds true for us and for our future. I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (Jeremiah 29:11b MSG)
Notice that the final phrase says that God has plans to give us the future that we hope for. So many Christians sit back and say that they're waiting on God to tell them what to do. I think they're wasting a lot of precious time, because they fail to engage their minds to discover their purpose for being here.
God has put desires into our hearts for a reason. Those desires are simply his blueprint for our lives. Anything good that we can imagine, God put there in the first place. Our dreams take us where God wants us to go when we step out with courage and put them into action.
Today's Challenge
Imagine your future self as confident, happy, and satisfied. Write down today what you are doing in your dream. Snow White's specific vision was for a prince to come into her life. What's yours? If you're drawing a blank, pray for God's dreams for your future to become clear to you.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Arrive Early for Greater Confidence
As survivors of abuse and trauma, we frequently suffer from low self-esteem. We lack the confidence to move forward with our lives, so I've been writing about how we can become more courageous through my series, Confident in God's Hands.
The 10 Minute Rule
Consider how you feel when you find yourself running behind schedule. You look at your watch every few seconds as you crawl through heavy traffic on the way to work. You envision your boss glaring at you when you sneak in late. Every day, you seem to run about 10 minutes behind, no matter how hard you try to arrive on time.
I have a friend who never seemed to suffer from this frustration of running the race against the clock. Whenever we met, he was always there waiting for me, looking unruffled and relaxed. What was his secret?
He told me about The 10-Minute Rule. No matter where he planned to go or who he intended to meet, he always arrived 10 minutes ahead of schedule.
When I asked him how he managed to succeed at this, he said that he did time studies to figure out how long it took to get from his house to his destination. Then, he added a few extra minutes to account for traffic or poor weather. Because of this fudge factor, he sometimes arrived 20 minutes ahead of schedule, but he was never late.
I asked him what he did with those extra 10 or 20 minutes. To me, this seemed very unproductive. With a shrug, he smiled and said that he just sat there and relaxed.
We're so used to multi-tasking that this seems contrary to our upbringing. But recent studies have shown that multi-tasking is far less productive than just focusing on one thing at a time. My friend's practice of relaxing for a few minutes between appointments has kept him far happier and more confident than most of us probably are.
What does God have to say about arriving early?
God created us to live within the confines of time, and he expects us to make the most of our hours here on earth. The apostle Paul reminded the Romans of this. He was talking to them about getting ready for Christ's return, but I think it can generally be applied to our daily schedules. If we keep our sights on God's plans for us and make sure that we're using our time wisely, we will feel more confident doing his work.
Paul said, But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don't loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! (Romans 13:11 MSG)
Conduct a time study.
I have conducted my own time studies to figure out how long it takes me to get ready to leave the house. I have discovered over the years that no matter how many children, dogs, or phone calls are factored into the equation, it takes me at least two hours to shower, get dressed, feed the family, walk the dog, and hit the road.
We recently moved about 45 minutes outside of the city. Now, I have to add driving time to my equation. Sometimes I get delayed behind a farmer on a tractor, or believe it or not, a pair of tiny donkeys pulling a man in a miniature cart. In order to arrive 10 minutes early to all of my appointments, I allow myself 60 minutes for driving.
By giving ourselves these extra minutes and figuring in a little extra fudge factor, we can arrive at our destinations feeling more confident. When we approach our day this way, it reduces stress and boosts our self-esteem. We're no longer feeling like the flustered loser who's about to get fired for always arriving late.
Today's Challenge
For the next week, conduct your own time studies. Figure out how long it really takes you to get ready in the morning. Write down your start time and your end time. Do the same for your morning commute. When you have figured out how long it takes, add some extra time to allow for the unexpected. Then, plan to arrive 10 minutes early and add that to your formula.
The 10 Minute Rule
Consider how you feel when you find yourself running behind schedule. You look at your watch every few seconds as you crawl through heavy traffic on the way to work. You envision your boss glaring at you when you sneak in late. Every day, you seem to run about 10 minutes behind, no matter how hard you try to arrive on time.
I have a friend who never seemed to suffer from this frustration of running the race against the clock. Whenever we met, he was always there waiting for me, looking unruffled and relaxed. What was his secret?
He told me about The 10-Minute Rule. No matter where he planned to go or who he intended to meet, he always arrived 10 minutes ahead of schedule.
When I asked him how he managed to succeed at this, he said that he did time studies to figure out how long it took to get from his house to his destination. Then, he added a few extra minutes to account for traffic or poor weather. Because of this fudge factor, he sometimes arrived 20 minutes ahead of schedule, but he was never late.
I asked him what he did with those extra 10 or 20 minutes. To me, this seemed very unproductive. With a shrug, he smiled and said that he just sat there and relaxed.
We're so used to multi-tasking that this seems contrary to our upbringing. But recent studies have shown that multi-tasking is far less productive than just focusing on one thing at a time. My friend's practice of relaxing for a few minutes between appointments has kept him far happier and more confident than most of us probably are.
What does God have to say about arriving early?
God created us to live within the confines of time, and he expects us to make the most of our hours here on earth. The apostle Paul reminded the Romans of this. He was talking to them about getting ready for Christ's return, but I think it can generally be applied to our daily schedules. If we keep our sights on God's plans for us and make sure that we're using our time wisely, we will feel more confident doing his work.
Paul said, But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don't loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! (Romans 13:11 MSG)
Conduct a time study.
I have conducted my own time studies to figure out how long it takes me to get ready to leave the house. I have discovered over the years that no matter how many children, dogs, or phone calls are factored into the equation, it takes me at least two hours to shower, get dressed, feed the family, walk the dog, and hit the road.
We recently moved about 45 minutes outside of the city. Now, I have to add driving time to my equation. Sometimes I get delayed behind a farmer on a tractor, or believe it or not, a pair of tiny donkeys pulling a man in a miniature cart. In order to arrive 10 minutes early to all of my appointments, I allow myself 60 minutes for driving.
By giving ourselves these extra minutes and figuring in a little extra fudge factor, we can arrive at our destinations feeling more confident. When we approach our day this way, it reduces stress and boosts our self-esteem. We're no longer feeling like the flustered loser who's about to get fired for always arriving late.
Today's Challenge
For the next week, conduct your own time studies. Figure out how long it really takes you to get ready in the morning. Write down your start time and your end time. Do the same for your morning commute. When you have figured out how long it takes, add some extra time to allow for the unexpected. Then, plan to arrive 10 minutes early and add that to your formula.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Be Prepared to Boost Your Confidence
We are learning how to become more confident people through my series, Confident in God's Hands. These lessons are particularly helpful for readers who have survived abuse or trauma, but they can also be insightful for the rest of the population.
Grandma's Bowling Ball
When I was a kid, I went to stay with my grandmother for a week. One night, she got her bowling ball bag out of the closet and set it beside the door.
"Are we going bowling tonight?" I asked.
"No," Grandma said, "Tomorrow."
Hmm...I had never seen anyone prepare for an event in advance like that. I wondered at the time if it was something that only older people did.
Grandma's night-before preparation intrigued me when I was younger, but it has served as a powerful reminder ever since. She knew the importance of being prepared, which allowed her to sleep soundly, kept her from rushing the following day, prevented her from forgetting to take her ball with her, and helped her to arrive on time at the bowling alley.
God is prepared.
Throughout the Bible, there are numerous references to this practice of being prepared. God models this character trait in many ways, and I particularly like how the apostle, Paul, explained it to the Ephesian church. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.(Ephesians 2:10 NIV)
God has a plan for each one of us. We were sent to earth so that others might come to know him through our love. He is ready to use those who are prepared so that others may be blessed. Are you ready for whatever opportunities may come your way?
Today's Challenge
Do something before going to bed tonight to prepare for your day tomorrow. Lay out your clothes, make a list of errands you will do, or set out the things you will need to take with you when you leave the house. Be prepared and confident for whatever plans God has in store for you.
Grandma's Bowling Ball
When I was a kid, I went to stay with my grandmother for a week. One night, she got her bowling ball bag out of the closet and set it beside the door.
"Are we going bowling tonight?" I asked.
"No," Grandma said, "Tomorrow."
Hmm...I had never seen anyone prepare for an event in advance like that. I wondered at the time if it was something that only older people did.
Grandma's night-before preparation intrigued me when I was younger, but it has served as a powerful reminder ever since. She knew the importance of being prepared, which allowed her to sleep soundly, kept her from rushing the following day, prevented her from forgetting to take her ball with her, and helped her to arrive on time at the bowling alley.
God is prepared.
Throughout the Bible, there are numerous references to this practice of being prepared. God models this character trait in many ways, and I particularly like how the apostle, Paul, explained it to the Ephesian church. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.(Ephesians 2:10 NIV)
God has a plan for each one of us. We were sent to earth so that others might come to know him through our love. He is ready to use those who are prepared so that others may be blessed. Are you ready for whatever opportunities may come your way?
Today's Challenge
Do something before going to bed tonight to prepare for your day tomorrow. Lay out your clothes, make a list of errands you will do, or set out the things you will need to take with you when you leave the house. Be prepared and confident for whatever plans God has in store for you.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Organize Your Closet to Gain Confidence
We continue with my series, Confident in God's Garden. Today, we consider how organizing our clothing can help us to feel more confident.
What's in your closet?
If our closet looks like this one, it's going to drain a lot of our confidence. Why? Because when we wake up in the morning, we can't find anything to wear. When we do find an outfit, it needs to be ironed after laying in a heap on the floor. But, since we've spent so much time rummaging around for our clothes, there's no way we can iron anything. So, we run out the door, looking as if we've slept in our outfit.
What does God think about our messy closets?
The apostle Peter has this to say about our overflowing, poorly organized closets: Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. (I Peter 4:10 NIV)
It is our responsibility to take very good care of every blessing that God gives us, including our clothing. If we've got outdated clothing that we can no longer wear, the wisest thing we can do is give it away. By doing so, we serve others who cannot afford new fashions.
Organize your closet.
There are eight steps that we can follow to organize our closets and boost our confidence in the process. If we feel overwhelmed by this task, inviting a friend to help us can be a great idea.
Not only can our friend assist us in carrying away lots of outdated clothing, but she can also tell us honestly that it's time to give away that sweater that we've been hanging onto since eighth grade. Perhaps we can return the favor later by helping that same friend to clean out her closet.
1) Gather lots of containers. The more outdated clothing in the closet, the more containers we'll need. I use large black garbage bags or empty boxes.
2) We begin by removing and, if necessary, trying on one item at a time. This may take several hours (or days if we haven't organized in years), but that's why we've invited our friend to hang out with us. They can offer moral support and sit with us during breaks to bolster our courage with a cup of coffee or a plate of snacks.
3) Every article of clothing goes into one of four places:
a) back into the closet, because it fits, it's clean, and it's in style. If it's dirty, we put it in the laundry basket or a box destined for the dry cleaner. If it's clean, but wrinkled, we can have our friend iron it while we try on the next item.
b) into a garbage bag destined for our favorite charity, because it's out of style but still in good shape;
c) into a box that will be taken to a consignment shop, because it's no more than two years old and is in great shape, but it doesn't go with anything else we own, or it no longer fits; or
d) into the trash bag, because it's stained, torn, or so old that homeless people wouldn't even consider wearing it.
4) As we re-hang the items that we decide to keep, we place the ones we will be wearing for this season in some kind of logical order. I arrange my closet by putting all of the pants and skirts in one section, blouses in a second one, and jackets in a third. Since I own very few dresses, they generally go in a fourth section by themselves in a part of the closet that's not as easily accessible. I keep shoes in transparent boxes on the shelves.
5) For those items that are out of season, we find another place to store them until the weather changes. We may find space in a spare bedroom closet, or we may have to go to a store to buy some inexpensive clothing racks with covers. These can be placed in a basement or spare room.
6) We make a list of items that we really need, because we've given away your last pair of black pants or our only white shirt. We must resist the temptation to buy anything again without checking our closets first. So many people buy on impulse, just because something's on sale. This almost always proves to be a waste of God's resources, because it goes with nothing in the closet.
7) We load our boxes and bags of dry cleaning and cast-offs into the car and drop them off at the cleaners, our local charity, or a consignment shop. Taking our friend along helps us to resist the urge to pluck things back out of the stash. She can remind us that we're being good stewards by sharing our blessings with the less fortunate.
8) We make a date with our friend to go shopping on another day so that we can fill in the gaps in our wardrobe. She can remind us to bypass all those great deals on clothing that we don't need. We might buy her lunch when we're finished to show her our appreciation and to celebrate our new confidence!
Stay organized.
A word of warning: if we hate this process of re-organizing, we must make sure that we keep our closets tidied up on a weekly basis. When we pick up dry cleaning or do the laundry, we don't put anything back into the closet in the wrong place or without ironing it.
Each season, when we swap out our clothes that we put into storage, we need to repeat this eight-step process. Over the years, it will become much easier and take far less time. We'll discover that we're spending more hours shopping and dining out than we are overhauling our disastrous closets.
We'll also save a lot of money by following this plan. Shopping only with our list and with our wardrobe accountability partner prevents us from wasting money on things we don't need.
Keeping our clothing organized is key to feeling confident. Our dressing area sets the stage for the rest of our day, so we must make it a place that will inspire us to look our best. Because when we look sharp, we feel sharp.
Today's Challenge
Schedule a block of time with a close friend to organize your closet, following the eight steps detailed above. Choose that friend wisely, because a person who is a pack rat or has a messier closet than yours may not be as helpful as one who is well-dressed and highly organized.
What's in your closet?
If our closet looks like this one, it's going to drain a lot of our confidence. Why? Because when we wake up in the morning, we can't find anything to wear. When we do find an outfit, it needs to be ironed after laying in a heap on the floor. But, since we've spent so much time rummaging around for our clothes, there's no way we can iron anything. So, we run out the door, looking as if we've slept in our outfit.
What does God think about our messy closets?
The apostle Peter has this to say about our overflowing, poorly organized closets: Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. (I Peter 4:10 NIV)
It is our responsibility to take very good care of every blessing that God gives us, including our clothing. If we've got outdated clothing that we can no longer wear, the wisest thing we can do is give it away. By doing so, we serve others who cannot afford new fashions.
Organize your closet.
There are eight steps that we can follow to organize our closets and boost our confidence in the process. If we feel overwhelmed by this task, inviting a friend to help us can be a great idea.
Not only can our friend assist us in carrying away lots of outdated clothing, but she can also tell us honestly that it's time to give away that sweater that we've been hanging onto since eighth grade. Perhaps we can return the favor later by helping that same friend to clean out her closet.
1) Gather lots of containers. The more outdated clothing in the closet, the more containers we'll need. I use large black garbage bags or empty boxes.
2) We begin by removing and, if necessary, trying on one item at a time. This may take several hours (or days if we haven't organized in years), but that's why we've invited our friend to hang out with us. They can offer moral support and sit with us during breaks to bolster our courage with a cup of coffee or a plate of snacks.
3) Every article of clothing goes into one of four places:
a) back into the closet, because it fits, it's clean, and it's in style. If it's dirty, we put it in the laundry basket or a box destined for the dry cleaner. If it's clean, but wrinkled, we can have our friend iron it while we try on the next item.
b) into a garbage bag destined for our favorite charity, because it's out of style but still in good shape;
c) into a box that will be taken to a consignment shop, because it's no more than two years old and is in great shape, but it doesn't go with anything else we own, or it no longer fits; or
d) into the trash bag, because it's stained, torn, or so old that homeless people wouldn't even consider wearing it.
4) As we re-hang the items that we decide to keep, we place the ones we will be wearing for this season in some kind of logical order. I arrange my closet by putting all of the pants and skirts in one section, blouses in a second one, and jackets in a third. Since I own very few dresses, they generally go in a fourth section by themselves in a part of the closet that's not as easily accessible. I keep shoes in transparent boxes on the shelves.
5) For those items that are out of season, we find another place to store them until the weather changes. We may find space in a spare bedroom closet, or we may have to go to a store to buy some inexpensive clothing racks with covers. These can be placed in a basement or spare room.
6) We make a list of items that we really need, because we've given away your last pair of black pants or our only white shirt. We must resist the temptation to buy anything again without checking our closets first. So many people buy on impulse, just because something's on sale. This almost always proves to be a waste of God's resources, because it goes with nothing in the closet.
7) We load our boxes and bags of dry cleaning and cast-offs into the car and drop them off at the cleaners, our local charity, or a consignment shop. Taking our friend along helps us to resist the urge to pluck things back out of the stash. She can remind us that we're being good stewards by sharing our blessings with the less fortunate.
8) We make a date with our friend to go shopping on another day so that we can fill in the gaps in our wardrobe. She can remind us to bypass all those great deals on clothing that we don't need. We might buy her lunch when we're finished to show her our appreciation and to celebrate our new confidence!
Stay organized.
A word of warning: if we hate this process of re-organizing, we must make sure that we keep our closets tidied up on a weekly basis. When we pick up dry cleaning or do the laundry, we don't put anything back into the closet in the wrong place or without ironing it.
Each season, when we swap out our clothes that we put into storage, we need to repeat this eight-step process. Over the years, it will become much easier and take far less time. We'll discover that we're spending more hours shopping and dining out than we are overhauling our disastrous closets.
We'll also save a lot of money by following this plan. Shopping only with our list and with our wardrobe accountability partner prevents us from wasting money on things we don't need.
Keeping our clothing organized is key to feeling confident. Our dressing area sets the stage for the rest of our day, so we must make it a place that will inspire us to look our best. Because when we look sharp, we feel sharp.
Today's Challenge
Schedule a block of time with a close friend to organize your closet, following the eight steps detailed above. Choose that friend wisely, because a person who is a pack rat or has a messier closet than yours may not be as helpful as one who is well-dressed and highly organized.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Say Cheese!
We've learned over the past couple of weeks about the importance of our appearance in developing greater self confidence. My series, Confident in God's Garden, continues today with some thoughts about our smiles.
Smile!
One of the greatest ways to boost our self-confidence is adopting the habit of smiling. When we smile at ourselves in the mirror, we feel happier and more confident. If we smile at people on the street, they smile back. This further encourages us to be bold.
But if our smiles are an embarrassment to us, how can we possibly flash a toothy grin at someone and feel good about ourselves? Unless we're as cocky as Austin Powers, bad teeth aren't going to do much for our confidence. Dental problems can prevent us from achieving our highest potential if we are always self-conscious about one of our greatest assets.
See your orthodontist.
When I was a little girl, I rode my tricyle down an enormous hill. On the way down, I lost control, slammed into the curb, flew over the handlebars, and bit the pavement. In an instant, I knocked out all of my front teeth.
This childhood trauma to my face caused countless dental problems. My adult teeth came in looking as if they belonged in a beaver's mouth, not mine. Other kids made fun of me and called me Bucky. My mother used to tell me to close my mouth when I chewed, but I couldn't get my lips around my protruding teeth. I was completely self-conscious about my smile.
Eventually, I saw an orthodontist. My teeth were festooned with braces, and I was given a contraption that I had to wear strapped over the top of my head and hooked into my braces. It included something that looked as if I were wearing half of a coat hanger on my face. Not only was it physically painful with this gizmo moving my teeth 24/7, but it was unbelievably humiliating to wear such a thing daily to high school. It did nothing for my confidence.
I'll never forget the day that the dentist removed those braces. My teeth felt incredibly smooth, and I was thrilled with my new smile. I went out into the world, no longer ashamed of my teeth. No one called me Bucky anymore, and I still receive compliments today on my beautiful smile. What a great confidence booster!
If our teeth are crooked, have gaps, or are uneven, we need to consult with an orthodontist. Even older people can wear braces, and we may be surprised to find that there are lots of options that are far less painful and embarrassing than what I went through as a teen.
Take care of your teeth.
I lived in Kentucky for a while, and when my brother came to visit, he asked me, "You know what you get when you put 32 Kentuckians in the same room?"
"What?" I asked.
"A full set of teeth!" he said with a chuckle.
If we want to feel confident about our smiles, we've got to take care of our teeth. Daily brushing and flossing are great beginnings, and regular trips to the dentist once or twice a year prevent tooth decay, gum disease, and tooth loss. If yellowed teeth are sapping us of confidence, the dentist can whiten our smiles.
Eliminate bad breath.
How many times do we meet people with such bad breath that we have to back up four feet just to carry on a conversation? This must certainly have a negative impact on their confidence when everyone they meet is backing away.
Bad breath can signal tooth decay or other intestinal issues. If people let us know that we've got bad breath, we need to have our dentist and our doctor investigate. Mouthwash alone can never cover up extreme cases of bad breath. The underlying cause must be resolved to eliminate the problem. When we are certain that we have fresh breath, our confidence increases.
God gave us beautiful smiles.
God describes man's perfect lover in Song of Solomon 4:2 (NIV). His desciption of her teeth makes it quite clear that we ought to take responsibility for our smiles. It reads, Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
God put it plainly that if we want to look our most attractive, we must have freshly brushed teeth, and none of them should be missing. So whether we have issues with misaligned teeth, cavities, yellowed teeth, or bad breath, it's time to deal with the problems if we want to feel more confident.
Today's Challenge
Stand in front of a mirror and smile. How do you feel about your teeth? If there is anything about your smile that embarrasses you, or you frequently close your lips over your teeth to hide them, do something today to work on improving the problem. Call a dentist or an orthodontist and consult with them about how to correct dental issues so that you can grin with confidence.
Smile!
One of the greatest ways to boost our self-confidence is adopting the habit of smiling. When we smile at ourselves in the mirror, we feel happier and more confident. If we smile at people on the street, they smile back. This further encourages us to be bold.
But if our smiles are an embarrassment to us, how can we possibly flash a toothy grin at someone and feel good about ourselves? Unless we're as cocky as Austin Powers, bad teeth aren't going to do much for our confidence. Dental problems can prevent us from achieving our highest potential if we are always self-conscious about one of our greatest assets.
See your orthodontist.
When I was a little girl, I rode my tricyle down an enormous hill. On the way down, I lost control, slammed into the curb, flew over the handlebars, and bit the pavement. In an instant, I knocked out all of my front teeth.
This childhood trauma to my face caused countless dental problems. My adult teeth came in looking as if they belonged in a beaver's mouth, not mine. Other kids made fun of me and called me Bucky. My mother used to tell me to close my mouth when I chewed, but I couldn't get my lips around my protruding teeth. I was completely self-conscious about my smile.
Eventually, I saw an orthodontist. My teeth were festooned with braces, and I was given a contraption that I had to wear strapped over the top of my head and hooked into my braces. It included something that looked as if I were wearing half of a coat hanger on my face. Not only was it physically painful with this gizmo moving my teeth 24/7, but it was unbelievably humiliating to wear such a thing daily to high school. It did nothing for my confidence.
I'll never forget the day that the dentist removed those braces. My teeth felt incredibly smooth, and I was thrilled with my new smile. I went out into the world, no longer ashamed of my teeth. No one called me Bucky anymore, and I still receive compliments today on my beautiful smile. What a great confidence booster!
If our teeth are crooked, have gaps, or are uneven, we need to consult with an orthodontist. Even older people can wear braces, and we may be surprised to find that there are lots of options that are far less painful and embarrassing than what I went through as a teen.
Take care of your teeth.
I lived in Kentucky for a while, and when my brother came to visit, he asked me, "You know what you get when you put 32 Kentuckians in the same room?"
"What?" I asked.
"A full set of teeth!" he said with a chuckle.
If we want to feel confident about our smiles, we've got to take care of our teeth. Daily brushing and flossing are great beginnings, and regular trips to the dentist once or twice a year prevent tooth decay, gum disease, and tooth loss. If yellowed teeth are sapping us of confidence, the dentist can whiten our smiles.
Eliminate bad breath.
How many times do we meet people with such bad breath that we have to back up four feet just to carry on a conversation? This must certainly have a negative impact on their confidence when everyone they meet is backing away.
Bad breath can signal tooth decay or other intestinal issues. If people let us know that we've got bad breath, we need to have our dentist and our doctor investigate. Mouthwash alone can never cover up extreme cases of bad breath. The underlying cause must be resolved to eliminate the problem. When we are certain that we have fresh breath, our confidence increases.
God gave us beautiful smiles.
God describes man's perfect lover in Song of Solomon 4:2 (NIV). His desciption of her teeth makes it quite clear that we ought to take responsibility for our smiles. It reads, Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
God put it plainly that if we want to look our most attractive, we must have freshly brushed teeth, and none of them should be missing. So whether we have issues with misaligned teeth, cavities, yellowed teeth, or bad breath, it's time to deal with the problems if we want to feel more confident.
Today's Challenge
Stand in front of a mirror and smile. How do you feel about your teeth? If there is anything about your smile that embarrasses you, or you frequently close your lips over your teeth to hide them, do something today to work on improving the problem. Call a dentist or an orthodontist and consult with them about how to correct dental issues so that you can grin with confidence.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Seeing Clearly Improves Confidence
We are learning how to become more confident after surviving abuse or trauma. This series, Confident in God's Hands, focuses on changes that we can make to boost our self-esteem. Today, I would like to consider our vision and how it affects our level of confidence.
Are you blind?
While we may not realize we need to have our vision corrected, it is imperative to get regular eye exams. With corrected vision, we don't mistake the skunk on our front porch for our kitty, and we don't misread the 1/2 cup sugar in our recipe as 1/2 cup salt. Corrected vision increases our confidence, because when we can see clearly, we simply function better.
How does God view corrected vision?
God originally designed us to see perfectly all of our lives. But after the fall of mankind, we were destined to live imperfect lives. I believe that God feels compassion for us when we can't see clearly, as evidenced in this passage about Jesus healing the blind:
The people were amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled made well, the lame walking and the blind seeing. And they praised the God of Israel. (Matthew 15:31 NIV)
I am so thankful that God gave us the gift of eyeglasses, contact lenses, and corrective surgery for issues such as nearsightedness and cataracts. There are so many people in the world who do not have access to these blessings, and my heart goes out to them. I can't imagine trying to function without my glasses.
What's holding you back?
Many of us resist wearing glasses for a number of reasons. Some people claim that they can't afford them, but I think the more frequent excuse for not getting glasses is that we don't like the way we look in them. Furthermore, we don't know how to choose a pair that suits us.
We've got to set aside our vanity over wearing glasses if we want to feel confident. Seeing things clearly and being able to read without straining our eyes or making mistakes is imperative to bolstering our self-esteem.
Are your glasses outdated?
Choosing glasses can be a stressful undertaking. They say a lot about our personalities, and they're the first thing people may notice about us...especially if they're not a good fit. If you already wear glasses, is it time for an update?
Consider Estelle Getty's glasses in the picture below.
The producers of The Golden Girls intentionally exaggerated Getty's oversized spectacles. They are the trademark of old people who don't see the need to update their look. Don't fall into that category of people who are stuck in a rut. Nothing robs us of confidence faster than feeling as if we're clueless about current styles.
Tips for choosing glasses.
For some of us, contact lenses or corrective surgery are not viable options. So, if we want to feel confident wearing glasses, we must take the time to select them carefully. I've discovered some tips for choosing eyewear, and my new glasses usually help me to feel more confident about my vision, as well as my appearance.
1) Don't let someone else choose your look. While your husband or your best friend may think you look terrific, if you don't feel confident in the glasses they choose, they'll never work for you.
2) Take your time. Shop around at various eyeglass stores. If you don't find something you like, don't settle for second-best.
3) Listen to the advice of the optician, who is trained to fit eyeglasses properly. While a particular frame may seem like a good choice, if they're too big for your face, you'll wind up looking like Estelle Getty.
4) Take lots of pictures of yourself wearing the glasses you try on. Carry your own camera and collect dozens of images. Then, go home and sift through the various styles until you narrow down your choices to the top three.
5) If possible, show the pictures to your hairstylist before purchasing glasses. Your hair color and cut may not work with the color or shape of the glasses you're considering.
6) Don't chintz when it comes to the purchase price. Going for the $49 special may save you money, but it may cost you in confidence if you end up looking like one of the Golden Girls.
7) Buy at a store with a money-back guarantee. If you discover that your glasses are uncomfortable, don't suit your style, or make you feel self-conscious, you can start the process over again.
Today's Challenge
Take pictures of yourself in your current glasses. Do they suit your face shape, your hair color, and your eye shape? If not, follow the seven tips above to improve your confidence with a new frame that better reflects who you are.
Are you blind?
While we may not realize we need to have our vision corrected, it is imperative to get regular eye exams. With corrected vision, we don't mistake the skunk on our front porch for our kitty, and we don't misread the 1/2 cup sugar in our recipe as 1/2 cup salt. Corrected vision increases our confidence, because when we can see clearly, we simply function better.
How does God view corrected vision?
God originally designed us to see perfectly all of our lives. But after the fall of mankind, we were destined to live imperfect lives. I believe that God feels compassion for us when we can't see clearly, as evidenced in this passage about Jesus healing the blind:
The people were amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled made well, the lame walking and the blind seeing. And they praised the God of Israel. (Matthew 15:31 NIV)
I am so thankful that God gave us the gift of eyeglasses, contact lenses, and corrective surgery for issues such as nearsightedness and cataracts. There are so many people in the world who do not have access to these blessings, and my heart goes out to them. I can't imagine trying to function without my glasses.
What's holding you back?
Many of us resist wearing glasses for a number of reasons. Some people claim that they can't afford them, but I think the more frequent excuse for not getting glasses is that we don't like the way we look in them. Furthermore, we don't know how to choose a pair that suits us.
We've got to set aside our vanity over wearing glasses if we want to feel confident. Seeing things clearly and being able to read without straining our eyes or making mistakes is imperative to bolstering our self-esteem.
Are your glasses outdated?
Choosing glasses can be a stressful undertaking. They say a lot about our personalities, and they're the first thing people may notice about us...especially if they're not a good fit. If you already wear glasses, is it time for an update?
Consider Estelle Getty's glasses in the picture below.
The producers of The Golden Girls intentionally exaggerated Getty's oversized spectacles. They are the trademark of old people who don't see the need to update their look. Don't fall into that category of people who are stuck in a rut. Nothing robs us of confidence faster than feeling as if we're clueless about current styles.
Tips for choosing glasses.
For some of us, contact lenses or corrective surgery are not viable options. So, if we want to feel confident wearing glasses, we must take the time to select them carefully. I've discovered some tips for choosing eyewear, and my new glasses usually help me to feel more confident about my vision, as well as my appearance.
1) Don't let someone else choose your look. While your husband or your best friend may think you look terrific, if you don't feel confident in the glasses they choose, they'll never work for you.
2) Take your time. Shop around at various eyeglass stores. If you don't find something you like, don't settle for second-best.
3) Listen to the advice of the optician, who is trained to fit eyeglasses properly. While a particular frame may seem like a good choice, if they're too big for your face, you'll wind up looking like Estelle Getty.
4) Take lots of pictures of yourself wearing the glasses you try on. Carry your own camera and collect dozens of images. Then, go home and sift through the various styles until you narrow down your choices to the top three.
5) If possible, show the pictures to your hairstylist before purchasing glasses. Your hair color and cut may not work with the color or shape of the glasses you're considering.
6) Don't chintz when it comes to the purchase price. Going for the $49 special may save you money, but it may cost you in confidence if you end up looking like one of the Golden Girls.
7) Buy at a store with a money-back guarantee. If you discover that your glasses are uncomfortable, don't suit your style, or make you feel self-conscious, you can start the process over again.
Today's Challenge
Take pictures of yourself in your current glasses. Do they suit your face shape, your hair color, and your eye shape? If not, follow the seven tips above to improve your confidence with a new frame that better reflects who you are.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
A Makeover Fit for a Queen
We have been learning about how to increase our confidence this week by improving our outward appearance. This is a continuation of my series, Confident in God's Hands.
Put your best face forward.
If we want to feel confident, I believe it's important to take good care of our skin. When I was younger, I had such severe acne that kids at school made up cruel songs about me.
Regular trips to a dermatologist during my teen years helped, but I also think that a good skin care routine did wonders for my face. For nearly 40 years, I have used Mary Kay cosmetics with excellent results.
Get a new look.
Basic skin care gives us a healthy glow, but I'm a firm believer in using a good foundation and some glamour products to highlight our facial features. Lip color, cheek color, and eye makeup can work together to create a much more appealing look.
I went to www.marykay.com and downloaded a picture of myself without makeup and with hair flattened by a rainstorm. Then, I clicked through all of the choices to come up with a makeover. The website gives users opportunities to select styles. There's even a way to make yourself look like Prince William's queen-to-be.
The computer-generated colorations and applications are a little cheesey, but the program helped me to see two important points: 1) I definitely need some makeup so that I don't look so pasty; and 2) I think I could use a little more hair in a slightly darker color.
Be adventurous.
Many women are terrified of makeup, fearing that they will make mistakes in applying it and look like clowns. But a talented make-up artist at a cosmetic counter or a Mary Kay consultant can be quite helpful. Knowing how to cleanse our skin and properly apply makeup can really boost our confidence.
What does the Bible say about cosmetics?
Esther was a beautiful Jewish woman in ancient Israel. She was given an opportunity to audition to become queen. Cosmetics played a role in her preparations, as we can see in Esther 2:12 (MSG): Each girl's turn came to go in to King Xerxes after she had completed the twelve months of prescribed beauty treatments—six months' treatment with oil of myrrh followed by six months with perfumes and various cosmetics.
Esther captivated the king, who chose her as his new queen. We don't know if it was the makeup, something in her genes, or a combination of the two; but her beauty helped her to win the throne. Whether we are trying to captivate a man or simply inspire ourselves, I think makeup definitely boosts confidence.
Today's Challenge
Do your own virtual makeover or go to a cosmetics counter for a free one. Ask for suggestions that are appropriate for your age, and don't be afraid to say that you need directions on how to apply makeup.
Put your best face forward.
If we want to feel confident, I believe it's important to take good care of our skin. When I was younger, I had such severe acne that kids at school made up cruel songs about me.
Regular trips to a dermatologist during my teen years helped, but I also think that a good skin care routine did wonders for my face. For nearly 40 years, I have used Mary Kay cosmetics with excellent results.
Get a new look.
Basic skin care gives us a healthy glow, but I'm a firm believer in using a good foundation and some glamour products to highlight our facial features. Lip color, cheek color, and eye makeup can work together to create a much more appealing look.
I went to www.marykay.com and downloaded a picture of myself without makeup and with hair flattened by a rainstorm. Then, I clicked through all of the choices to come up with a makeover. The website gives users opportunities to select styles. There's even a way to make yourself look like Prince William's queen-to-be.
The computer-generated colorations and applications are a little cheesey, but the program helped me to see two important points: 1) I definitely need some makeup so that I don't look so pasty; and 2) I think I could use a little more hair in a slightly darker color.
Be adventurous.
Many women are terrified of makeup, fearing that they will make mistakes in applying it and look like clowns. But a talented make-up artist at a cosmetic counter or a Mary Kay consultant can be quite helpful. Knowing how to cleanse our skin and properly apply makeup can really boost our confidence.
What does the Bible say about cosmetics?
Esther was a beautiful Jewish woman in ancient Israel. She was given an opportunity to audition to become queen. Cosmetics played a role in her preparations, as we can see in Esther 2:12 (MSG): Each girl's turn came to go in to King Xerxes after she had completed the twelve months of prescribed beauty treatments—six months' treatment with oil of myrrh followed by six months with perfumes and various cosmetics.
Esther captivated the king, who chose her as his new queen. We don't know if it was the makeup, something in her genes, or a combination of the two; but her beauty helped her to win the throne. Whether we are trying to captivate a man or simply inspire ourselves, I think makeup definitely boosts confidence.
Today's Challenge
Do your own virtual makeover or go to a cosmetics counter for a free one. Ask for suggestions that are appropriate for your age, and don't be afraid to say that you need directions on how to apply makeup.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Clothing Makes the Man
We are learning some techniques for boosting our confidence during my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, we look at how our clothing affects our self-esteem.
Vestis Virum Reddit.
When I was homeschooling my oldest son, he decided that he wanted to learn some Latin. I don't remember much of what we studied, but the phrase, "Vestis Virum Reddit" has always stuck with me. It means, "Clothing Makes the Man." My son was particularly intrigued by this thought, because he was on the verge of manhood and searching for ways to express himself through his clothing.
We talked about what this tidbit of Latin meant, and we decided that our clothing helps us to feel complete. At times, it expresses who we are more powerfully than words can. My son realized that clothing is a great divider of mankind, elevating the well-dressed to positions of leadership and sifting out the less fortunate and poorly dressed to less desirable places in society.
Is our clothing important to God?
I believe that our clothing is important to God. When he gave directions to Moses for the outfits he designed for the priests to wear in the temple, God said, Weave the tunic of fine linen. Make the turban of fine linen. The sash will be the work of an embroiderer. Make tunics, sashes, and hats for Aaron's sons to express glory and beauty. (Exodus 29:5 MSG)
I think that our grooming and attire should reflect God's image that dwells within us. Our outward appearance should express glory and beauty, because God created us to radiate these qualities. When others see us looking our best, they see God in us. And when we pass by a mirror, we see that glory, too. Looking our best builds our self-confidence, because we recognize God's glory within ourselves.
We must be careful, however, or our clothing could become a source of pride that might hurt others. James 2:1 (MSG) warns us, My dear friends, don't let public opinion influence how you live out our glorious, Christ-originated faith. If a man enters your church wearing an expensive suit, and a street person wearing rags comes in right after him, and you say to the man in the suit, "Sit here, sir; this is the best seat in the house!" and either ignore the street person or say, "Better sit here in the back row," haven't you segregated God's children and proved that you are judges who can't be trusted?
"Vestis Virum Reddit" points out the obvious fact that clothing does divide people. And while we ought to strive to look our best, the Bible tells us we should not look down on others who cannot afford nice clothing.
We dress like our peers to fit in.
We do not live on little islands by ourselves. We circulate among other people, and we are wired to try to fit in with them. If we don't dress the part well, we will get negative feedback about our appearance.
For example, there is a distinct difference between the way people dress here in Appalachia and in Chicago. Joe and I went to a sporting goods store recently to buy him some archery equipment. He was wearing a suit, and I was wearing a dress, because we had both come directly from professional meetings.
The clerk blurted out, "Man, you're dressed. You been to a funeral?"
This young man's response to our appearance summed up perfectly the type of culture one can expect here in southeastern Ohio. Most of our neighbors are farmers or work in blue-collar jobs and dress very casually. They see us as foreigners who don't fit in when we over-dress.
If we were in Chicago, Joe and I would not be given a second glance for wearing what we did. There, it is expected that successful business people will dress the part.
If we want to fit in, most of us will figure out that we must dress like others or get rejected. If we feel particularly uncomfortable around our peers because we have been transplanted from another culture, we must either learn to adapt to their way of dressing or go back to our former, familiar place in the world. To feel confident, we need to fit in with our peers.
I have often struggled with this concept of dressing to fit in, because I am not comfortable wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt to go to the store or to worship. Around here, putting on a pair of jeans and a clean shirt is considered dressing up. I don't like feeling as if I am trying to put on airs, but I also don't like feeling as if I'm impoverished.
So, I've tried to find a happy balance between over-dressing and feeling frumpy in old, ratty clothes. I no longer own very many dresses. Usually, I wear casual pants and an attractive shirt when I go out. To help me feel a little more polished, I add pretty earrings and a bracelet or necklace. I want to make others comfortable when they are around me, but I also want to feel comfortable in my own clothing. I think when we find a way to do both, our confidence grows.
Today's Challenge
Take time today to notice others' clothing. Do you fit in with your peers, or does your clothing elevate you above them? Are you the one looking as if you need to improve your wardrobe? Make some adjustments and strike a happy balance between segregating yourself from others by over-dressing and feeling insecure by under-dressing.
Vestis Virum Reddit.
When I was homeschooling my oldest son, he decided that he wanted to learn some Latin. I don't remember much of what we studied, but the phrase, "Vestis Virum Reddit" has always stuck with me. It means, "Clothing Makes the Man." My son was particularly intrigued by this thought, because he was on the verge of manhood and searching for ways to express himself through his clothing.
We talked about what this tidbit of Latin meant, and we decided that our clothing helps us to feel complete. At times, it expresses who we are more powerfully than words can. My son realized that clothing is a great divider of mankind, elevating the well-dressed to positions of leadership and sifting out the less fortunate and poorly dressed to less desirable places in society.
Is our clothing important to God?
I believe that our clothing is important to God. When he gave directions to Moses for the outfits he designed for the priests to wear in the temple, God said, Weave the tunic of fine linen. Make the turban of fine linen. The sash will be the work of an embroiderer. Make tunics, sashes, and hats for Aaron's sons to express glory and beauty. (Exodus 29:5 MSG)
I think that our grooming and attire should reflect God's image that dwells within us. Our outward appearance should express glory and beauty, because God created us to radiate these qualities. When others see us looking our best, they see God in us. And when we pass by a mirror, we see that glory, too. Looking our best builds our self-confidence, because we recognize God's glory within ourselves.
We must be careful, however, or our clothing could become a source of pride that might hurt others. James 2:1 (MSG) warns us, My dear friends, don't let public opinion influence how you live out our glorious, Christ-originated faith. If a man enters your church wearing an expensive suit, and a street person wearing rags comes in right after him, and you say to the man in the suit, "Sit here, sir; this is the best seat in the house!" and either ignore the street person or say, "Better sit here in the back row," haven't you segregated God's children and proved that you are judges who can't be trusted?
"Vestis Virum Reddit" points out the obvious fact that clothing does divide people. And while we ought to strive to look our best, the Bible tells us we should not look down on others who cannot afford nice clothing.
We dress like our peers to fit in.
We do not live on little islands by ourselves. We circulate among other people, and we are wired to try to fit in with them. If we don't dress the part well, we will get negative feedback about our appearance.
For example, there is a distinct difference between the way people dress here in Appalachia and in Chicago. Joe and I went to a sporting goods store recently to buy him some archery equipment. He was wearing a suit, and I was wearing a dress, because we had both come directly from professional meetings.
The clerk blurted out, "Man, you're dressed. You been to a funeral?"
This young man's response to our appearance summed up perfectly the type of culture one can expect here in southeastern Ohio. Most of our neighbors are farmers or work in blue-collar jobs and dress very casually. They see us as foreigners who don't fit in when we over-dress.
If we were in Chicago, Joe and I would not be given a second glance for wearing what we did. There, it is expected that successful business people will dress the part.
If we want to fit in, most of us will figure out that we must dress like others or get rejected. If we feel particularly uncomfortable around our peers because we have been transplanted from another culture, we must either learn to adapt to their way of dressing or go back to our former, familiar place in the world. To feel confident, we need to fit in with our peers.
I have often struggled with this concept of dressing to fit in, because I am not comfortable wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt to go to the store or to worship. Around here, putting on a pair of jeans and a clean shirt is considered dressing up. I don't like feeling as if I am trying to put on airs, but I also don't like feeling as if I'm impoverished.
So, I've tried to find a happy balance between over-dressing and feeling frumpy in old, ratty clothes. I no longer own very many dresses. Usually, I wear casual pants and an attractive shirt when I go out. To help me feel a little more polished, I add pretty earrings and a bracelet or necklace. I want to make others comfortable when they are around me, but I also want to feel comfortable in my own clothing. I think when we find a way to do both, our confidence grows.
Today's Challenge
Take time today to notice others' clothing. Do you fit in with your peers, or does your clothing elevate you above them? Are you the one looking as if you need to improve your wardrobe? Make some adjustments and strike a happy balance between segregating yourself from others by over-dressing and feeling insecure by under-dressing.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Our Hairstyle Reflects our Self-Confidence
We continue with my series, Confident in God's Hands. I am addressing issues that may contribute to low self-esteem, which can deter us from achieving our dreams. Today, I would like to consider how our hairstyles reveal our level of self-confidence.
What message is her haircut sending?
This photo shows Susan Boyle when she competed in Britain's Got Talent. She walked onstage and told the judges that she wanted to be a great singing sensation. The judges sneered at her, and the audience let out a collective snicker.
Susan's frizzy hair sent the message that she was a dowdy middle-aged housewife without much hope of ever making it in the world. After she belted out the first few notes, however, everyone's opinion of her changed dramatically. This woman could sing!
My first thought was that someone had better offer her a make-over. In this world, people expect singers, actors, and leaders to have beautiful hair. To appear in public looking this frazzled is a sure-fire way to become the brunt of many rude jokes and to be passed over when competing.
Past hurts can affect our self-image.
I have since read Susan Boyle's autobiography, and I have developed a deep appreciation for her courage. She was oxygen-deprived at birth and consequently had to overcome many learning disabilities throughout childhood.
Being teased by other children caused her to become extremely unsure of herself. She had such anxiety about performing when this picture was taken that she nearly backed out of the competition. Her appearance reflects how she felt.
When we are ostracized because we don't look or act like others, it can cause us to become depressed or to develop social anxiety. Depression and anxiety further lead to the neglect of our grooming habits. When we develop long-term apathy for our own souls, it gets reflected in the way we look.
For some of us, this becomes a vicious cycle. We don't feel good on the inside, so we look terrible. Looking unkempt causes others to avoid us or criticize us, which leads to feeling even worse. Something must change, or we remain stuck in this cycle indefinitely.
Like social ostracizing, emotional abuse can also leave lasting scars that make us feel ugly. My ex-husband was so mercilessly critical of my hair that it took me years after leaving him to believe that it was minimally good-looking.
It has only been in the past year that I have finally discovered an attractive haircut and color that make me feel confident again. I believe that my interest in improving my appearance coincides directly with the work I have done to forgive my abusers and to help other survivors.
What is God's opinion about our hair?
I believe that God gave us hair to enhance our beauty. When it is well cared for, a woman's hair can be her crowning glory. An attractive haircut and color can attract others to us. Women want to look like us, and men want to be with us.
King Solomon wrote about his lover, Your hair flows and shimmers like a flock of goats in the distance streaming down a hillside in the sunshine. (Song of Solomon 6:4 MSG) Okay, so Solomon's similes weren't all that great, but you get the idea. His woman's hair caused him to admire her and to appreciate the beauty that God created when he made her.
Our hair reflects how we feel about ourselves.
The photo below was taken of Susan Boyle after she won a recording contract for her first album.
What a difference! Yes, Susan had a makeover, but there's more to her look than just a good haircut. Her eyes tell a story about how she feels. The confidence she acquired by succeeding and gaining the acceptance of her peers changed her appearance completely. She broke the cycle of dowdiness by taking a leap of faith to use her talents and make a difference in the world.
Fake it until you make it.
If we feel depressed or anxious about going out into the world, our hair is gong to reflect our issues. Al-Anon advises that we fake it until we make it. In other words, we get up, shower, wash our hair, put on make-up, and dress in current fashions. We do this every day, no matter how badly we feel about ourselves.
Even if our hair isn't perfect, we keep trying until we get it right. Perhaps we begin by asking others for their honest opinion. Or maybe we seek out the advice of a highly respected hair stylist. I did both.
This process of changing our image may not be easy, but it's worth it in the long run. Making ourselves open to others' opinions and accepting feedback is the only way we are going to change.
Susan Boyle's jitters didn't go away with her overnight success. She continues to struggle with anxiety, but she is faking it and getting closer to making it every day. Her new hairstyle (which was created by a professional) is helping her to gain confidence along the way.
Today's Challenge
Have someone take a photo of you today. Is your hair expressing the glory and beauty that God created when he made you, or is there room for improvement? Ask others for their opinion or consult an expert to bring your hair into current fashion so that you can fake it until you develop greater confidence.
This photo shows Susan Boyle when she competed in Britain's Got Talent. She walked onstage and told the judges that she wanted to be a great singing sensation. The judges sneered at her, and the audience let out a collective snicker.
Susan's frizzy hair sent the message that she was a dowdy middle-aged housewife without much hope of ever making it in the world. After she belted out the first few notes, however, everyone's opinion of her changed dramatically. This woman could sing!
My first thought was that someone had better offer her a make-over. In this world, people expect singers, actors, and leaders to have beautiful hair. To appear in public looking this frazzled is a sure-fire way to become the brunt of many rude jokes and to be passed over when competing.
Past hurts can affect our self-image.
I have since read Susan Boyle's autobiography, and I have developed a deep appreciation for her courage. She was oxygen-deprived at birth and consequently had to overcome many learning disabilities throughout childhood.
Being teased by other children caused her to become extremely unsure of herself. She had such anxiety about performing when this picture was taken that she nearly backed out of the competition. Her appearance reflects how she felt.
When we are ostracized because we don't look or act like others, it can cause us to become depressed or to develop social anxiety. Depression and anxiety further lead to the neglect of our grooming habits. When we develop long-term apathy for our own souls, it gets reflected in the way we look.
For some of us, this becomes a vicious cycle. We don't feel good on the inside, so we look terrible. Looking unkempt causes others to avoid us or criticize us, which leads to feeling even worse. Something must change, or we remain stuck in this cycle indefinitely.
Like social ostracizing, emotional abuse can also leave lasting scars that make us feel ugly. My ex-husband was so mercilessly critical of my hair that it took me years after leaving him to believe that it was minimally good-looking.
It has only been in the past year that I have finally discovered an attractive haircut and color that make me feel confident again. I believe that my interest in improving my appearance coincides directly with the work I have done to forgive my abusers and to help other survivors.
What is God's opinion about our hair?
I believe that God gave us hair to enhance our beauty. When it is well cared for, a woman's hair can be her crowning glory. An attractive haircut and color can attract others to us. Women want to look like us, and men want to be with us.
King Solomon wrote about his lover, Your hair flows and shimmers like a flock of goats in the distance streaming down a hillside in the sunshine. (Song of Solomon 6:4 MSG) Okay, so Solomon's similes weren't all that great, but you get the idea. His woman's hair caused him to admire her and to appreciate the beauty that God created when he made her.
Our hair reflects how we feel about ourselves.
The photo below was taken of Susan Boyle after she won a recording contract for her first album.
What a difference! Yes, Susan had a makeover, but there's more to her look than just a good haircut. Her eyes tell a story about how she feels. The confidence she acquired by succeeding and gaining the acceptance of her peers changed her appearance completely. She broke the cycle of dowdiness by taking a leap of faith to use her talents and make a difference in the world.
Fake it until you make it.
If we feel depressed or anxious about going out into the world, our hair is gong to reflect our issues. Al-Anon advises that we fake it until we make it. In other words, we get up, shower, wash our hair, put on make-up, and dress in current fashions. We do this every day, no matter how badly we feel about ourselves.
Even if our hair isn't perfect, we keep trying until we get it right. Perhaps we begin by asking others for their honest opinion. Or maybe we seek out the advice of a highly respected hair stylist. I did both.
This process of changing our image may not be easy, but it's worth it in the long run. Making ourselves open to others' opinions and accepting feedback is the only way we are going to change.
Susan Boyle's jitters didn't go away with her overnight success. She continues to struggle with anxiety, but she is faking it and getting closer to making it every day. Her new hairstyle (which was created by a professional) is helping her to gain confidence along the way.
Today's Challenge
Have someone take a photo of you today. Is your hair expressing the glory and beauty that God created when he made you, or is there room for improvement? Ask others for their opinion or consult an expert to bring your hair into current fashion so that you can fake it until you develop greater confidence.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Exercise Enhances Confidence
We learned yesterday that a poor body image takes a toll on our confidence. So, we continue today with our discussion about how to increase our self-esteem by taking better care of our bodies. This is a continuation of my series, Confident in God's Hands.
The brain responds positively to exercise.
Whenever we exercise, our brains increase the production of endorphins. These are the feel-good chemicals that lift our mood and make us feel more energetic. If we want to increase our self-confidence, we must exercise.
Aerobics or weight training?
Aerobic exercise increases our heart rate and forces our lungs to work harder. Many people believe it is the only form of exercise we need, but building muscle mass is just as important.
Developing more muscle makes our bodies burn more calories, so it is easier to maintain a healthy weight. A muscular person uses up more fuel just sitting in a chair than a flabby person does. His entire metabolism is running faster, giving him greater energy and confidence throughout the day.
My unique perspective on exercise
I have been challenged by multiple sclerosis (MS) for a number of years. I experience days when I can barely lift my arms or support my weight on wobbly legs. This forces me to sit or lie down for long periods of time, which does not do much for my outlook or confidence. I am dependent on others to lift heavy objects for me. At times, I am dependent on people to lift me! I don't like feeling so physically useless.
When the MS goes back into remission, I am filled with a resurgence of energy. Nothing feels better than to use my muscles again to perform tasks that require strength. When I can lift heavy boxes for myself, I feel an incredible sense of empowerment. It doesn't take rocket science for me to see that there is a direct correlation between physical strength and confidence.
Start slowly.
If you're not used to exercising much, check with your doctor to make sure that you're healthy. Then, start out slowly. If you're used to sitting all day, either at a desk or in front of the TV, take more frequent breaks. Stand up and stretch your arms overhead. March in place, or take a step back and stretch your hamstrings.
Begin walking as much as possible. If you drive to work, park your car farther from the front door of your office. Spend your breaks and lunch hours walking. After dinner, take another walk.
I didn't think that I could walk very far until I got my puppy, Zibby. I began walking with her, and her energy led me farther from home each day. I went from walking about a half a block to three miles daily. If I can do that, I'll bet you can, too.
Step up the pace.
After you're comfortable with walking, step up the pace. Ride a bike around town with your kids, sign up for a dance class, take the stairs instead of the elevator, go swimming at the pool, or play a fast-paced game of ping-pong.
Get your heart rate up so that you're slightly out of breath and sweating. If you really want to maximize your efforts, look up the target heart rate for your body build and push yourself to achieve it at every workout.
Add more muscle.
There are many ways to bulk up muscle mass. The obvious route is a daily trip to a gym, where we pump iron. Some people love this type of discipline, but others feel like screaming after a few days of the same routine.
For those of us who can't stand the gym, there are other options. Routine physical labor can increase our strength. Strenuous activities such as heavy house cleaning, gardening, chopping and carrying firewood, carpentry tasks, and lawn mowing all build strength.
My personal favorite for building muscle mass and confidence is yoga. I used to think this was a ridiculous form of exercise. I wondered how a person could possibly get fit by sitting cross-legged on the floor with their hands in prayer position. Now, I realize that some positions are designed for the quieting of the mind, while others are meant to challenge our muscles.
Aerobic Exercise + Strength Training = Confidence
When we combine aerobic exercise with strength training, the outcome is much greater self-confidence. Why? Not only do we feel better, we look better. We exude far more self-confidence when we're trim and strong than we do than when we're ashamed of the way we look and we need assistance to perform difficult tasks.
Proverbs 31 describes the wife of noble character. It tells us in verse 17, She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. How strong are your arms? Do you feel vigorous as you go about your daily chores? God designed you in his image. What are you doing to preserve his plan for your ideal body?
Today's Challenge
Consider your daily exercise routine. Does it include both aerobic exercise and strength training? How would an improved exercise program enhance your confidence? What can you do today to change your daily routine so that you can include more physical activity?
The brain responds positively to exercise.
Whenever we exercise, our brains increase the production of endorphins. These are the feel-good chemicals that lift our mood and make us feel more energetic. If we want to increase our self-confidence, we must exercise.
Aerobics or weight training?
Aerobic exercise increases our heart rate and forces our lungs to work harder. Many people believe it is the only form of exercise we need, but building muscle mass is just as important.
Developing more muscle makes our bodies burn more calories, so it is easier to maintain a healthy weight. A muscular person uses up more fuel just sitting in a chair than a flabby person does. His entire metabolism is running faster, giving him greater energy and confidence throughout the day.
My unique perspective on exercise
I have been challenged by multiple sclerosis (MS) for a number of years. I experience days when I can barely lift my arms or support my weight on wobbly legs. This forces me to sit or lie down for long periods of time, which does not do much for my outlook or confidence. I am dependent on others to lift heavy objects for me. At times, I am dependent on people to lift me! I don't like feeling so physically useless.
When the MS goes back into remission, I am filled with a resurgence of energy. Nothing feels better than to use my muscles again to perform tasks that require strength. When I can lift heavy boxes for myself, I feel an incredible sense of empowerment. It doesn't take rocket science for me to see that there is a direct correlation between physical strength and confidence.
Start slowly.
If you're not used to exercising much, check with your doctor to make sure that you're healthy. Then, start out slowly. If you're used to sitting all day, either at a desk or in front of the TV, take more frequent breaks. Stand up and stretch your arms overhead. March in place, or take a step back and stretch your hamstrings.
Begin walking as much as possible. If you drive to work, park your car farther from the front door of your office. Spend your breaks and lunch hours walking. After dinner, take another walk.
I didn't think that I could walk very far until I got my puppy, Zibby. I began walking with her, and her energy led me farther from home each day. I went from walking about a half a block to three miles daily. If I can do that, I'll bet you can, too.
Step up the pace.
After you're comfortable with walking, step up the pace. Ride a bike around town with your kids, sign up for a dance class, take the stairs instead of the elevator, go swimming at the pool, or play a fast-paced game of ping-pong.
Get your heart rate up so that you're slightly out of breath and sweating. If you really want to maximize your efforts, look up the target heart rate for your body build and push yourself to achieve it at every workout.
Add more muscle.
There are many ways to bulk up muscle mass. The obvious route is a daily trip to a gym, where we pump iron. Some people love this type of discipline, but others feel like screaming after a few days of the same routine.
For those of us who can't stand the gym, there are other options. Routine physical labor can increase our strength. Strenuous activities such as heavy house cleaning, gardening, chopping and carrying firewood, carpentry tasks, and lawn mowing all build strength.
My personal favorite for building muscle mass and confidence is yoga. I used to think this was a ridiculous form of exercise. I wondered how a person could possibly get fit by sitting cross-legged on the floor with their hands in prayer position. Now, I realize that some positions are designed for the quieting of the mind, while others are meant to challenge our muscles.
Aerobic Exercise + Strength Training = Confidence
When we combine aerobic exercise with strength training, the outcome is much greater self-confidence. Why? Not only do we feel better, we look better. We exude far more self-confidence when we're trim and strong than we do than when we're ashamed of the way we look and we need assistance to perform difficult tasks.
Proverbs 31 describes the wife of noble character. It tells us in verse 17, She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. How strong are your arms? Do you feel vigorous as you go about your daily chores? God designed you in his image. What are you doing to preserve his plan for your ideal body?
Today's Challenge
Consider your daily exercise routine. Does it include both aerobic exercise and strength training? How would an improved exercise program enhance your confidence? What can you do today to change your daily routine so that you can include more physical activity?
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Body Image Defines Our Confidence
We are learning how to increase our self-confidence in my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I'd like to address the importance of body image in our quest for higher self-esteem.
Check in with your body.
Your body image plays a huge role in determining your level of self-confidence. If you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, how can you possibly feel confident out in the world?
Take time today to really check out how you feel about your body. Stand naked in front of a mirror and assess yourself from head to toe. Most people zero in on the parts that they don't like: hips that are too wide, a belly that is flabby, or breasts that are sagging.
How about praising yourself for the parts that are just right? We can thank God for giving us all of the proper parts, expressing appreciation for limbs that function without pain. We can marvel at the beauty of our skin, which protects us and holds everything in place.
Consider this. Genesis 1:27 tells us, So God created man in his own image. God has created us to be as radiantly beautiful and healthy as he is. So how come we're so unhappy with the way we look?
Why do we hate our bodies?
We have been programmed by the media to hate our bodies for a number of ridiculous reasons. Magazines depict women in skimpy outfits who are stick-thin with enormous breasts. The men in the media have six-pack abs and biceps bigger than their heads. These extremes are not what God had in mind when he made us in his image.
The media teaches us to believe that our bodies should become something impossible. Barbie dolls have such nipped-in waists that no girl could possibly attain such proportions. Women have tried. In the early 1900s, some women actually had surgeons remove their lower ribs to make their waists smaller. A number of these women died during surgery or from intestinal complications afterward.
I believe that we hate our bodies, because we have abused them. We eat poorly, don't exercise, and allow ourselves to become so overweight and out of shape that we look awful in the clothes we wear. Standing naked in front of a mirror is so painful that we avoid looking.
What did God have in mind when he designed our bodies?
The best way to answer this question is to look at the perfect man, Jesus of Nazareth. He was most likely very fit, because he worked as a carpenter and walked everywhere. He probably had some sizeable biceps and admirable ab muscles. But he wasn't taking steroids to bulk up just to impress someone or to look great in a toga. Good body image was a by-product of his healthy, active lifestyle.
We have become obsessed with looking like Hollywood models, but our lifestyle doesn't allow us to attain what we want. We can't sit at desks all day long or in front of the TV all evening and expect to be as radiantly healthy as Jesus was. Our bodies have been designed to move in order to achieve the type of strength that builds confidence in our body image.
Today's Challenge
For today, pay attention to what you think about your own body. How do you feel in your own skin? Look around at others and consider how they might feel in their bodies. Do people exude confidence? Or do they slump in embarrassment over their appearance? Tomorrow, we'll consider some strategies to help us build a better body image.
Check in with your body.
Your body image plays a huge role in determining your level of self-confidence. If you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, how can you possibly feel confident out in the world?
Take time today to really check out how you feel about your body. Stand naked in front of a mirror and assess yourself from head to toe. Most people zero in on the parts that they don't like: hips that are too wide, a belly that is flabby, or breasts that are sagging.
How about praising yourself for the parts that are just right? We can thank God for giving us all of the proper parts, expressing appreciation for limbs that function without pain. We can marvel at the beauty of our skin, which protects us and holds everything in place.
Consider this. Genesis 1:27 tells us, So God created man in his own image. God has created us to be as radiantly beautiful and healthy as he is. So how come we're so unhappy with the way we look?
Why do we hate our bodies?
We have been programmed by the media to hate our bodies for a number of ridiculous reasons. Magazines depict women in skimpy outfits who are stick-thin with enormous breasts. The men in the media have six-pack abs and biceps bigger than their heads. These extremes are not what God had in mind when he made us in his image.
The media teaches us to believe that our bodies should become something impossible. Barbie dolls have such nipped-in waists that no girl could possibly attain such proportions. Women have tried. In the early 1900s, some women actually had surgeons remove their lower ribs to make their waists smaller. A number of these women died during surgery or from intestinal complications afterward.
I believe that we hate our bodies, because we have abused them. We eat poorly, don't exercise, and allow ourselves to become so overweight and out of shape that we look awful in the clothes we wear. Standing naked in front of a mirror is so painful that we avoid looking.
What did God have in mind when he designed our bodies?
The best way to answer this question is to look at the perfect man, Jesus of Nazareth. He was most likely very fit, because he worked as a carpenter and walked everywhere. He probably had some sizeable biceps and admirable ab muscles. But he wasn't taking steroids to bulk up just to impress someone or to look great in a toga. Good body image was a by-product of his healthy, active lifestyle.
We have become obsessed with looking like Hollywood models, but our lifestyle doesn't allow us to attain what we want. We can't sit at desks all day long or in front of the TV all evening and expect to be as radiantly healthy as Jesus was. Our bodies have been designed to move in order to achieve the type of strength that builds confidence in our body image.
Today's Challenge
For today, pay attention to what you think about your own body. How do you feel in your own skin? Look around at others and consider how they might feel in their bodies. Do people exude confidence? Or do they slump in embarrassment over their appearance? Tomorrow, we'll consider some strategies to help us build a better body image.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Stop Slouching
We're learning about how to feel more confident during my series, Confident in God's Hands. So far, we've looked at our fears and anxieties, considering whether or not we might have some serious issues with PTSD following trauma. Now, we're going to get to work, learning some simple tactics to build self-confidence.
Appearance says a lot about us.
Our physical appearance says a lot about how we feel. If we walk with our shoulders hunched forward, our heads down, and our eyes on the ground, it sends a powerful message to everyone we meet. It says we're not confident, we feel inferior, and we've got VICTIM stamped on our foreheads.
The Song of Solomon 5:10 (MSG) describes the attributes of the perfect man, including the following phrase: He stands tall, like a cedar, strong and deep-rooted. God has designed us all to stand tall. Are we feeling and looking as strong and deep-rooted as a mighty tree?
Stand tall.
A car accident nearly a year ago left me with a frozen shoulder. For six months, I've been through grueling physical therapy exercises in an effort to regain the full use of my arm. I've been whining about the huge amount of time this has taken from my schedule, but I realize now that I've benefited in more ways than one.
While I have finally regained the full range of motion in my shoulder, I've gained something far more valuable. I recognize that slouching had taken a toll on my health and on my self-confidence.
Something new and wonderful began happening to me on the days that I attended physical therapy sessions. Afterward, complete strangers were smiling at me and saying hello. At first, I couldn't figure out why this was happening. But over time, I began to see that the friendly greetings were directly related to my improved posture.
Look around.
When I understood that my posture affected how others perceived me, I began to look around at the people I met. What was their posture telling the world? I saw that the majority of people have awful posture, and their appearance reflects the toll it may be taking on their self-confidence.
What is your posture saying? Are you slumped over, because you're depressed, stressed, tired, worried, or burned-out? You can change how others perceive you and how you feel about yourself by simply changing your posture.
Exercises for improved posture.
There are two simple exercises that anyone can do to improve posture. Start out with 6 repetitions of each one and work up to 30.
1) Stand straight, as if someone were holding you by a string attached to the top of your rib cage. Drop your shoulder blades down and pinch them together. Hold for a count of 5 seconds. Repeat 6 to 30 times.
2) Reach forward with your hands and pull back your elbows as far as possible, as if you were rowing a boat. Pinch your shoulder blades together. Hold for a count of 5 seconds. Repeat 6 to 30 times.
These two exercises can get you off to a good start toward improving your posture and boosting your self-confidence. Tomorrow, we'll take a look at other methods for improving our self-image.
Today's Homework
Stand in front of a mirror and assess your posture. Or better yet, have someone take a picture of you from the side. Review what you see. Are you slouching? Take action today to improve your posture so that you will feel and look more confident.
Appearance says a lot about us.
Our physical appearance says a lot about how we feel. If we walk with our shoulders hunched forward, our heads down, and our eyes on the ground, it sends a powerful message to everyone we meet. It says we're not confident, we feel inferior, and we've got VICTIM stamped on our foreheads.
The Song of Solomon 5:10 (MSG) describes the attributes of the perfect man, including the following phrase: He stands tall, like a cedar, strong and deep-rooted. God has designed us all to stand tall. Are we feeling and looking as strong and deep-rooted as a mighty tree?
Stand tall.
A car accident nearly a year ago left me with a frozen shoulder. For six months, I've been through grueling physical therapy exercises in an effort to regain the full use of my arm. I've been whining about the huge amount of time this has taken from my schedule, but I realize now that I've benefited in more ways than one.
While I have finally regained the full range of motion in my shoulder, I've gained something far more valuable. I recognize that slouching had taken a toll on my health and on my self-confidence.
Something new and wonderful began happening to me on the days that I attended physical therapy sessions. Afterward, complete strangers were smiling at me and saying hello. At first, I couldn't figure out why this was happening. But over time, I began to see that the friendly greetings were directly related to my improved posture.
Look around.
When I understood that my posture affected how others perceived me, I began to look around at the people I met. What was their posture telling the world? I saw that the majority of people have awful posture, and their appearance reflects the toll it may be taking on their self-confidence.
What is your posture saying? Are you slumped over, because you're depressed, stressed, tired, worried, or burned-out? You can change how others perceive you and how you feel about yourself by simply changing your posture.
Exercises for improved posture.
There are two simple exercises that anyone can do to improve posture. Start out with 6 repetitions of each one and work up to 30.
1) Stand straight, as if someone were holding you by a string attached to the top of your rib cage. Drop your shoulder blades down and pinch them together. Hold for a count of 5 seconds. Repeat 6 to 30 times.
2) Reach forward with your hands and pull back your elbows as far as possible, as if you were rowing a boat. Pinch your shoulder blades together. Hold for a count of 5 seconds. Repeat 6 to 30 times.
These two exercises can get you off to a good start toward improving your posture and boosting your self-confidence. Tomorrow, we'll take a look at other methods for improving our self-image.
Today's Homework
Stand in front of a mirror and assess your posture. Or better yet, have someone take a picture of you from the side. Review what you see. Are you slouching? Take action today to improve your posture so that you will feel and look more confident.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Myths About PTSD
I wrote about PTSD yesterday in my series, Confident in God's Hands. Some comments from readers made me realize that there are a lot of myths about PTSD. I would like to address them today, because if you're suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it will be difficult to develop much confidence.
Myth #1
PTSD is completely disabling.
Many people believe that someone suffering from PTSD is totally disabled. This may be true for people with very recent and severe PTSD, but it is not true for all people suffering from the disorder. Some survivors of trauma are able to hold down jobs, manage families, and look as if they lead normal lives.
I was diagnosed with PTSD about 15 years ago, as a result of nearly 20 years of marital abuse, following childhood sexual abuse and a rape during college. Prior to my diagnosis, I had managed to finish all of the coursework for a doctorate degree, raise three children, and hold a full-time teaching job.
While I may have appeared normal to the rest of the world, I was far from it. I coped by sleeping only three hours a night and working extremely long hours to accomplish what others could do in half the time. PTSD definitely affects our ability to work and to enjoy normal relationships. But it is not necessarily as completely disabling as many people think it is.
Myth #2
PTSD only affects combat veterans.
While it is true that combat veterans frequently return home with PTSD, they are not the only ones who develop this disorder. Women are more likely than men to suffer from PTSD, and children may be diagnosed with it.
We adopted eight-year-old twins from Ethiopia a number of years ago. They both had such severe PTSD from having been abandoned and sexually abused that they could not function within a family setting. They both disrupted their adoption and went on to live in a group home for similarly disturbed children.
Anyone who experiences a traumatic event will respond in the same way as the next person. The human mind is wired to either fight or flee when in danger. Trauma can lead to body chemistry changes that continuously trigger this fight or flight response, even when danger is not present. Whether man, woman, or child, PTSD will occur to anyone if the conditions are right for it.
Myth #3
People with PTSD are weaker than average.
Having PTSD does not mean that we are weaker than the average person. As stated above, it is a natural bodily response to trauma. However, some people are more prone to develop PTSD than others are.
If a trauma survivor has a family history of depression or anxiety, they may be more likely to develop PTSD than the average person. The disorder is more likely to occur if the survivor is a child or if a number of traumatic events occur over and over again in a short span of time.
Our twins developed severe PTSD, because they were sexually abused by a number of people on numerous occasions over a long period of time. They were not born weaker minded than the average person, but constant trauma led to more serious impairments than most victims exhibit.
Myth #4
People with PTSD are just over-reacting.
People with PTSD are not drama queens looking for attention. The disorder occurs when we experience or witness a traumatic event and feel that our life or someone else's life is in jeopardy. Domestic violence can create the same intensity of symptoms that combat veterans develop.
I was once told by a psychiatrist that marital abuse had had the same effect on my brain as if I had been a prisoner of war. Both domestic violence survivors and prisoners of war experience trauma, witness others being traumatized, and believe that death may be imminent.
Learning how severe abuse had affected me helped me to understand that I was not just over-reacting. I had always felt compassion for prisoners of war, who had no control over the brain-washing they received. After learning that emotional abuse has the same effect as brain-washing during war, I became more understanding and gentle with myself.
Myth #5
People with PTSD are crazy.
Survivors of trauma are no more crazy than the average person. They are merely responding as God designed them to when they experienced danger. However, their fight or flight response button is stuck in the ON mode.
My husband is, in my opinion, a very stable person with a healthy mind. However, as a combat veteran, he still struggles at times with flashbacks from a very traumatic experience caused by the Persian Gulf crisis.
When remodelers at the hospital began using a nail gun to install trim, Joe experienced classic symptoms of PTSD. His heart pounded, he broke out in a sweat, and fear gripped him. He remembered the day when his camp was bombed with chemical weapons, and he was overcome by the fear of dying.
Joe's response to the nail gun means that his brain is still wired to fight or flee in some circumstances that remind him of that traumatic day in the desert. But it doesn't mean that he's crazy.
Myth #6
People with PTSD are never the same again.
It is true that PTSD changes how we view the world. We are never the same, but it doesn't mean that we can't learn to overcome it and enjoy ourselves again. We will never forget the trauma, but we don't have to constantly live with the negative effects of it.
Like my husband, most people who have suffered from PTSD will always need to cope with it on some level. Instead of daily flashbacks, we may eventually get to the point where we only have one per year. PTSD never completely goes away, but we can learn to control the severity of the symptoms.
There is a lot of help available for people with PTSD, but they must tap into these resources in order to regain control over the symptoms. Some people say that the trauma changes them for the better, because it makes them more aware of who they are.
God did not design me to be abused and traumatized repeatedly throughout my life. However, he has helped me to adapt when challenges occur so that I can still be an asset in our world. I am using my traumatic experiences to help others learn how to thrive.
Myth #7
I can get over PTSD by myself.
Genesis 28:15 reads, I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. I have found tremendous peace and strength from knowing that God never leaves me. Through prayer and Scripture reading, I have often leaned on him whenever PTSD has become overwhelming.
There is some truth in the statement that time heals all wounds. PTSD, if treated properly, does become less problematic over the years. However, I don't think that prayer or time alone will cure PTSD. God provides for us frequently through other means, such as medications and mental health counseling. We need to take advantage of the help he gives us.
PTSD is not something we should take lightly or attempt to self-treat. Many people who do try to treat the symptoms wind up with issues related to either alcohol or drug abuse. Self-medicating with prescription pain killers is a common path taken by survivors of trauma and abuse.
Today's Challenge
After reading the myths about PTSD, how has your thinking changed? Do you, or someone you know, suffer from PTSD? Help is available, but it is up to the person with PTSD to take the first step.
Myth #1
PTSD is completely disabling.
Many people believe that someone suffering from PTSD is totally disabled. This may be true for people with very recent and severe PTSD, but it is not true for all people suffering from the disorder. Some survivors of trauma are able to hold down jobs, manage families, and look as if they lead normal lives.
I was diagnosed with PTSD about 15 years ago, as a result of nearly 20 years of marital abuse, following childhood sexual abuse and a rape during college. Prior to my diagnosis, I had managed to finish all of the coursework for a doctorate degree, raise three children, and hold a full-time teaching job.
While I may have appeared normal to the rest of the world, I was far from it. I coped by sleeping only three hours a night and working extremely long hours to accomplish what others could do in half the time. PTSD definitely affects our ability to work and to enjoy normal relationships. But it is not necessarily as completely disabling as many people think it is.
Myth #2
PTSD only affects combat veterans.
While it is true that combat veterans frequently return home with PTSD, they are not the only ones who develop this disorder. Women are more likely than men to suffer from PTSD, and children may be diagnosed with it.
We adopted eight-year-old twins from Ethiopia a number of years ago. They both had such severe PTSD from having been abandoned and sexually abused that they could not function within a family setting. They both disrupted their adoption and went on to live in a group home for similarly disturbed children.
Anyone who experiences a traumatic event will respond in the same way as the next person. The human mind is wired to either fight or flee when in danger. Trauma can lead to body chemistry changes that continuously trigger this fight or flight response, even when danger is not present. Whether man, woman, or child, PTSD will occur to anyone if the conditions are right for it.
Myth #3
People with PTSD are weaker than average.
Having PTSD does not mean that we are weaker than the average person. As stated above, it is a natural bodily response to trauma. However, some people are more prone to develop PTSD than others are.
If a trauma survivor has a family history of depression or anxiety, they may be more likely to develop PTSD than the average person. The disorder is more likely to occur if the survivor is a child or if a number of traumatic events occur over and over again in a short span of time.
Our twins developed severe PTSD, because they were sexually abused by a number of people on numerous occasions over a long period of time. They were not born weaker minded than the average person, but constant trauma led to more serious impairments than most victims exhibit.
Myth #4
People with PTSD are just over-reacting.
People with PTSD are not drama queens looking for attention. The disorder occurs when we experience or witness a traumatic event and feel that our life or someone else's life is in jeopardy. Domestic violence can create the same intensity of symptoms that combat veterans develop.
I was once told by a psychiatrist that marital abuse had had the same effect on my brain as if I had been a prisoner of war. Both domestic violence survivors and prisoners of war experience trauma, witness others being traumatized, and believe that death may be imminent.
Learning how severe abuse had affected me helped me to understand that I was not just over-reacting. I had always felt compassion for prisoners of war, who had no control over the brain-washing they received. After learning that emotional abuse has the same effect as brain-washing during war, I became more understanding and gentle with myself.
Myth #5
People with PTSD are crazy.
Survivors of trauma are no more crazy than the average person. They are merely responding as God designed them to when they experienced danger. However, their fight or flight response button is stuck in the ON mode.
My husband is, in my opinion, a very stable person with a healthy mind. However, as a combat veteran, he still struggles at times with flashbacks from a very traumatic experience caused by the Persian Gulf crisis.
When remodelers at the hospital began using a nail gun to install trim, Joe experienced classic symptoms of PTSD. His heart pounded, he broke out in a sweat, and fear gripped him. He remembered the day when his camp was bombed with chemical weapons, and he was overcome by the fear of dying.
Joe's response to the nail gun means that his brain is still wired to fight or flee in some circumstances that remind him of that traumatic day in the desert. But it doesn't mean that he's crazy.
Myth #6
People with PTSD are never the same again.
It is true that PTSD changes how we view the world. We are never the same, but it doesn't mean that we can't learn to overcome it and enjoy ourselves again. We will never forget the trauma, but we don't have to constantly live with the negative effects of it.
Like my husband, most people who have suffered from PTSD will always need to cope with it on some level. Instead of daily flashbacks, we may eventually get to the point where we only have one per year. PTSD never completely goes away, but we can learn to control the severity of the symptoms.
There is a lot of help available for people with PTSD, but they must tap into these resources in order to regain control over the symptoms. Some people say that the trauma changes them for the better, because it makes them more aware of who they are.
God did not design me to be abused and traumatized repeatedly throughout my life. However, he has helped me to adapt when challenges occur so that I can still be an asset in our world. I am using my traumatic experiences to help others learn how to thrive.
Myth #7
I can get over PTSD by myself.
Genesis 28:15 reads, I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. I have found tremendous peace and strength from knowing that God never leaves me. Through prayer and Scripture reading, I have often leaned on him whenever PTSD has become overwhelming.
There is some truth in the statement that time heals all wounds. PTSD, if treated properly, does become less problematic over the years. However, I don't think that prayer or time alone will cure PTSD. God provides for us frequently through other means, such as medications and mental health counseling. We need to take advantage of the help he gives us.
PTSD is not something we should take lightly or attempt to self-treat. Many people who do try to treat the symptoms wind up with issues related to either alcohol or drug abuse. Self-medicating with prescription pain killers is a common path taken by survivors of trauma and abuse.
Today's Challenge
After reading the myths about PTSD, how has your thinking changed? Do you, or someone you know, suffer from PTSD? Help is available, but it is up to the person with PTSD to take the first step.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Are You Suffering From PTSD?
We continue this week with my series, Confident in God's Hands. The purpose of this journey is to help readers identify why they lack self-esteem, and then to equip them to grow more confident. Last week, we took a look at anxiety and considered how extreme fears may be robbing us of the joy we would like to experience. Today, I would like to address the signs and symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
What causes PTSD?
Any trauma can cause a person to develop PTSD, but not everyone ends up with this disorder. Childhood sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, auto accidents, natural disasters, and war can all trigger PTSD. The illness can be accompanied by depression, substance abuse, or anxiety disorders.
When do symptoms of PTSD begin?
The symptoms of PTSD usually begin within three months of the trauma. However, some people don't exhibit them until years later. Sometimes PTSD is misdiagnosed as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), generalized anxiety disorder, or depression.
I wasn't diagnosed with PTSD until I was in my late thirties, nearly three decades after the first traumatic event occurred. At first, I was misdiagnosed with ADHD and depression. It wasn't until several years later that a psychologist well-versed in diagnosing PTSD figured it out.
What are the symptoms of PTSD?
In order to be diagnosed with PTSD, a group of some of the following symptoms must be present for at least one month. They include:
-exaggerated startle response
-loss of interest in usual activities
-trouble feeling affectionate
-irritability
-aggression
-violent outbursts
-flashbacks (reliving the trauma during the day)
-nightmares (dreaming about the trauma whenever sleeping)
-feeling emotionally numb, particularly with people who were once close
-avoiding situations which are similar to the trauma
-struggling with the anniversary of the trauma
My experiences with PTSD
If you interrupt me while I'm engrossed in something, you can clearly see what an exaggerated startle response looks like. Joe knows better than to sneak up behind me and tickle me. If he does inadvertently startle me, my heart pounds, my hands shake, and I feel as if I'm about to faint or throw up. For several hours afterward, I feel completely wiped out.
I have frequent flashbacks during the day, particularly if I'm doing something mindless, such as driving or washing dishes. Something inconsequential, such as the scent of the dish liquid, can trigger a flashback. My mind replays the traumatic event, and eventually I come back to present day with a sense that I've lost a chunk of time.
At night, my mind works overtime to warn me of dangers which are no longer present. I dream about the people who traumatized me in situations where I felt little or no control. Generally, I wake up feeling very helpless and depressed, and I have to remind myself that the dreams are not real.
What is the outlook for people with PTSD?
The course of PTSD varies. Some people recover within six months, while others have symptoms that last much longer. In some people, the condition becomes chronic.
Receiving a diagnosis of PTSD isn't all bad. For me, it was a relief to understand that there was an underlying cause to the exaggerated startle response, depression, chronic flashbacks, and nightmares. Knowing what the problem was gave me the opportunity to work at getting better. Medication combined with extensive psychotherapy helped considerably.
I am much better today than I was ten years ago. And I anticipate that I will continue to improve with time. I believe the outlook is quite promising, provided we get appropriate treatment.
Today's Challenge
Are you suffering from exaggerated startle responses, loss of interest in your usual activities, trouble feeling affectionate, irritability, aggression, violent outbursts, flashbacks, or nightmares? Do you feel emotionally numb? Are you avoiding situations that remind you of a traumatic incident? Is the anniversary of the trauma still bothering you? If you answered yes to a number of these questions, you may want to consider seeking the help of a professional counselor. There is hope for recovery from PTSD, but it is important to get some support for it.
All things are possible with God. (Mark 10:27 NIV)
What causes PTSD?
Any trauma can cause a person to develop PTSD, but not everyone ends up with this disorder. Childhood sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, auto accidents, natural disasters, and war can all trigger PTSD. The illness can be accompanied by depression, substance abuse, or anxiety disorders.
When do symptoms of PTSD begin?
The symptoms of PTSD usually begin within three months of the trauma. However, some people don't exhibit them until years later. Sometimes PTSD is misdiagnosed as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), generalized anxiety disorder, or depression.
I wasn't diagnosed with PTSD until I was in my late thirties, nearly three decades after the first traumatic event occurred. At first, I was misdiagnosed with ADHD and depression. It wasn't until several years later that a psychologist well-versed in diagnosing PTSD figured it out.
What are the symptoms of PTSD?
In order to be diagnosed with PTSD, a group of some of the following symptoms must be present for at least one month. They include:
-exaggerated startle response
-loss of interest in usual activities
-trouble feeling affectionate
-irritability
-aggression
-violent outbursts
-flashbacks (reliving the trauma during the day)
-nightmares (dreaming about the trauma whenever sleeping)
-feeling emotionally numb, particularly with people who were once close
-avoiding situations which are similar to the trauma
-struggling with the anniversary of the trauma
My experiences with PTSD
If you interrupt me while I'm engrossed in something, you can clearly see what an exaggerated startle response looks like. Joe knows better than to sneak up behind me and tickle me. If he does inadvertently startle me, my heart pounds, my hands shake, and I feel as if I'm about to faint or throw up. For several hours afterward, I feel completely wiped out.
I have frequent flashbacks during the day, particularly if I'm doing something mindless, such as driving or washing dishes. Something inconsequential, such as the scent of the dish liquid, can trigger a flashback. My mind replays the traumatic event, and eventually I come back to present day with a sense that I've lost a chunk of time.
At night, my mind works overtime to warn me of dangers which are no longer present. I dream about the people who traumatized me in situations where I felt little or no control. Generally, I wake up feeling very helpless and depressed, and I have to remind myself that the dreams are not real.
What is the outlook for people with PTSD?
The course of PTSD varies. Some people recover within six months, while others have symptoms that last much longer. In some people, the condition becomes chronic.
Receiving a diagnosis of PTSD isn't all bad. For me, it was a relief to understand that there was an underlying cause to the exaggerated startle response, depression, chronic flashbacks, and nightmares. Knowing what the problem was gave me the opportunity to work at getting better. Medication combined with extensive psychotherapy helped considerably.
I am much better today than I was ten years ago. And I anticipate that I will continue to improve with time. I believe the outlook is quite promising, provided we get appropriate treatment.
Today's Challenge
Are you suffering from exaggerated startle responses, loss of interest in your usual activities, trouble feeling affectionate, irritability, aggression, violent outbursts, flashbacks, or nightmares? Do you feel emotionally numb? Are you avoiding situations that remind you of a traumatic incident? Is the anniversary of the trauma still bothering you? If you answered yes to a number of these questions, you may want to consider seeking the help of a professional counselor. There is hope for recovery from PTSD, but it is important to get some support for it.
All things are possible with God. (Mark 10:27 NIV)
Friday, June 3, 2011
What Are Your Fears Telling You?
We have focused our thoughts this week on our fears as part of my series, Confident in God's Hands. A few readers sent me their comments, and as promised, I'm going to reveal mankind's top 10 fears today, as well as a few lists of my own.
Our fears are trying to tell us something.
The medical term for extreme fear is phobia. And phobias are the most common symptom of anxiety disorders. An American study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) found that between 8.7% and 18.1% of Americans suffer from phobias. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phobia)
If we're suffering from extreme fears that disrupt our daily routines, we've got a mental illness that needs to be addressed. I spoke with a woman before writing today's post about our fears, and she told me that she suffered from undiagnosed anxiety for years. Identifying it became a turning point for her, because knowing that it was an illness empowered her to treat it.
Mankind's Top 10 Fears
1. Fear of spiders
2. Fear of social situations
3. Fear of flying
4. Fear of any place or situation where escape might be difficult
5. Fear of being trapped in small confined spaces
6. Fear of heights
7. Fear of vomit
8. Fear of cancer
9. Fear of thunder and lightning
10. Fear of the dead or death
Alternative Fear Lists
There are almost as many lists of top 10 fears as there are fears. Some sources include the fear of bugs, mice, snakes, or bats. Other lists change up the order of the fears.
Americans have very different fears from the overall population. We tend to be more afraid of terrorists, economic downturns, personal financial failure, and divorce than the rest of the world.
I believe that our list of fears may evolve over time. Things that frightened us as children or young adults may no longer hold any power over us. And as we age, we may become fearful about situations, such as falling or losing our independence, which we may never have given a second thought in our youth.
My guess is that survivors of childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, and trauma all have their own specific lists of fears, too. I surmise that many of us fear situations where we can't escape, because abusers have held such power over us.
I frequently have nightmares about going back to living in the same houses with my abusers, where they have absolute control over me. I also dream about floods, hurricanes, and tornadoes, which I cannot escape.
Are we suffering from anxiety disorders?
For years, I tried to figure out what my night terrors meant. Now I know that they're merely symbols for my number one phobia: the inability to escape. I know that I developed this extreme fear as a result of being locked in the dark after having been sexually abused. This phobia grew worse after nearly twenty years of domestic violence.
So how do we deal with these types of phobias that interrupt our sleep and paralyze us during the day? In my opinion, a mental healthcare professional should be consulted. Medication may be required, at least in the short run until we learn some coping mechanisms. Over the next four weeks, we will learn some strategies to help us deal with our fears so that we can become more confident.
If you've been struggling with anxiety for many years, as I have, you may be thinking that this is going to be an impossible task. I want to encourage you to believe that life can be much more enjoyable without fear. Luke 18:27 (NIV) reminds us, What is impossible with men is possible with God.
Today's Challenge
Review your list of fears and consider two questions: 1) Are your fears so extreme that you are changing your daily routine or decisions to work around them? 2) Are you having symbolic nightmares about your fears that disturb your sleep and leave you feeling depressed upon awakening? Becoming aware of the power that our fears have over us is key to eliminating them.
Our fears are trying to tell us something.
The medical term for extreme fear is phobia. And phobias are the most common symptom of anxiety disorders. An American study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) found that between 8.7% and 18.1% of Americans suffer from phobias. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phobia)
If we're suffering from extreme fears that disrupt our daily routines, we've got a mental illness that needs to be addressed. I spoke with a woman before writing today's post about our fears, and she told me that she suffered from undiagnosed anxiety for years. Identifying it became a turning point for her, because knowing that it was an illness empowered her to treat it.
Mankind's Top 10 Fears
1. Fear of spiders
2. Fear of social situations
3. Fear of flying
4. Fear of any place or situation where escape might be difficult
5. Fear of being trapped in small confined spaces
6. Fear of heights
7. Fear of vomit
8. Fear of cancer
9. Fear of thunder and lightning
10. Fear of the dead or death
Alternative Fear Lists
There are almost as many lists of top 10 fears as there are fears. Some sources include the fear of bugs, mice, snakes, or bats. Other lists change up the order of the fears.
Americans have very different fears from the overall population. We tend to be more afraid of terrorists, economic downturns, personal financial failure, and divorce than the rest of the world.
I believe that our list of fears may evolve over time. Things that frightened us as children or young adults may no longer hold any power over us. And as we age, we may become fearful about situations, such as falling or losing our independence, which we may never have given a second thought in our youth.
My guess is that survivors of childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, and trauma all have their own specific lists of fears, too. I surmise that many of us fear situations where we can't escape, because abusers have held such power over us.
I frequently have nightmares about going back to living in the same houses with my abusers, where they have absolute control over me. I also dream about floods, hurricanes, and tornadoes, which I cannot escape.
Are we suffering from anxiety disorders?
For years, I tried to figure out what my night terrors meant. Now I know that they're merely symbols for my number one phobia: the inability to escape. I know that I developed this extreme fear as a result of being locked in the dark after having been sexually abused. This phobia grew worse after nearly twenty years of domestic violence.
So how do we deal with these types of phobias that interrupt our sleep and paralyze us during the day? In my opinion, a mental healthcare professional should be consulted. Medication may be required, at least in the short run until we learn some coping mechanisms. Over the next four weeks, we will learn some strategies to help us deal with our fears so that we can become more confident.
If you've been struggling with anxiety for many years, as I have, you may be thinking that this is going to be an impossible task. I want to encourage you to believe that life can be much more enjoyable without fear. Luke 18:27 (NIV) reminds us, What is impossible with men is possible with God.
Today's Challenge
Review your list of fears and consider two questions: 1) Are your fears so extreme that you are changing your daily routine or decisions to work around them? 2) Are you having symbolic nightmares about your fears that disturb your sleep and leave you feeling depressed upon awakening? Becoming aware of the power that our fears have over us is key to eliminating them.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Who is More Powerful than God?
We continue today with our series, Confident in God's Hands. This week, we are considering how fear robs us of confidence.
Is God the most powerful force in the universe?
In recent weeks, tornadoes have ripped through our country, leaving downed trees and power lines, and devastating homes and businesses in their wakes. Whenever we see natural disasters, such as tornadoes, tsunamis, and earthquakes, we are awed by the power of Mother Nature. But who do we beleive is behind all of her power?
I believe that God controls everything, even the wind and the waves. When Jesus walked on water, he did so in the middle of a squall on the Sea of Gallilee. It amazed the disciples that he could walk on water, but what really awed them was Jesus' ability to make the storm stop with three simple words, Quiet! Be still. (Mark 4:39 NIV)
We must believe that God, not Mother Nature, is behind such powerful energy. Doing so helps us to become more confident. How? The apostle Paul wrote, If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31 NIV) If God can control a squall with a few simple words, he can surely speak on our behalf to help us out of difficult situations.
Can anything outpower God?
The Bible tells us that there is no person or power greater than God. Paul wrote in Romans 8:37-39 (NIV), No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
If God can outsmart and overpower death, demons, the future, and every other existing power, why should we ever be afraid? As long as we belong to God, we have nothing to fear!
Why do we have such poor self-confidence?
Imagine how much we could all accomplish if we had no fears. I would ride a horse again over four-foot high brick walls without fearing that I might fall off and reinjure my head. I'd swim in the ocean without worrying about sharks, sting rays and jelly fish hurting me. What would you do?
Without fear, I would be free to live the way God wants me to. The problem for all of us is that Satan whispers in our ears every day that we'd better not trust God to protect us. He uses our fears to keep us from relying on God when we feel weak. And as our fears mount, our confidence shrinks.
Can we overcome our greatest fears?
Most of us don't even realize how much we are controlled by our fears. If we are aware of them, we've learned ways of coping so that we constantly dance around them.
Our fears are like venemous snakes crawling freely about our homes. Instead of calling in a snake handler to get rid of them, we barricade ourselves in the rooms that are snake-free, or we tiptoe around the slithering creatures.
Living with fear, like living with snakes, robs us of the ability to relax. Who can laugh or dance or sing with snakes underfoot? And yet we pretend that we can fully live with fears controlling our every move.
For the next six weeks, we will learn how to fully acknowledge our fears, look into the causes of them, and eventually learn to replace our anxious responses to life with better coping skills. I hope that you will journey with me as we learn to become conquerers over fear, confident in God's hands.
Today's Challenge
Memorize Romans 8:31: If God is for us, who can be against us? The next time you become fearful, anxious, or worried about a situation, repeat this passage to yourself.
Is God the most powerful force in the universe?
In recent weeks, tornadoes have ripped through our country, leaving downed trees and power lines, and devastating homes and businesses in their wakes. Whenever we see natural disasters, such as tornadoes, tsunamis, and earthquakes, we are awed by the power of Mother Nature. But who do we beleive is behind all of her power?
I believe that God controls everything, even the wind and the waves. When Jesus walked on water, he did so in the middle of a squall on the Sea of Gallilee. It amazed the disciples that he could walk on water, but what really awed them was Jesus' ability to make the storm stop with three simple words, Quiet! Be still. (Mark 4:39 NIV)
We must believe that God, not Mother Nature, is behind such powerful energy. Doing so helps us to become more confident. How? The apostle Paul wrote, If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31 NIV) If God can control a squall with a few simple words, he can surely speak on our behalf to help us out of difficult situations.
Can anything outpower God?
The Bible tells us that there is no person or power greater than God. Paul wrote in Romans 8:37-39 (NIV), No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
If God can outsmart and overpower death, demons, the future, and every other existing power, why should we ever be afraid? As long as we belong to God, we have nothing to fear!
Why do we have such poor self-confidence?
Imagine how much we could all accomplish if we had no fears. I would ride a horse again over four-foot high brick walls without fearing that I might fall off and reinjure my head. I'd swim in the ocean without worrying about sharks, sting rays and jelly fish hurting me. What would you do?
Without fear, I would be free to live the way God wants me to. The problem for all of us is that Satan whispers in our ears every day that we'd better not trust God to protect us. He uses our fears to keep us from relying on God when we feel weak. And as our fears mount, our confidence shrinks.
Can we overcome our greatest fears?
Most of us don't even realize how much we are controlled by our fears. If we are aware of them, we've learned ways of coping so that we constantly dance around them.
Our fears are like venemous snakes crawling freely about our homes. Instead of calling in a snake handler to get rid of them, we barricade ourselves in the rooms that are snake-free, or we tiptoe around the slithering creatures.
Living with fear, like living with snakes, robs us of the ability to relax. Who can laugh or dance or sing with snakes underfoot? And yet we pretend that we can fully live with fears controlling our every move.
For the next six weeks, we will learn how to fully acknowledge our fears, look into the causes of them, and eventually learn to replace our anxious responses to life with better coping skills. I hope that you will journey with me as we learn to become conquerers over fear, confident in God's hands.
Today's Challenge
Memorize Romans 8:31: If God is for us, who can be against us? The next time you become fearful, anxious, or worried about a situation, repeat this passage to yourself.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
A Powerful Weapon Against Fear
We continue this week with a look at how our fears erode our self-confidence in my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I would like to give you a powerful weapon to use in the battle against fear.
Begin with the truth.
Years ago, I decided to home school my children. In the state where we lived at the time, it was practically illegal. Other home schooling parents advised me not to take the children out in public during the school day. At the time, truant officers were pressing charges against parents and removing the children from their parents' care.
I was more than a litte scared about making such a huge change in our family. What if I got caught? Would the authorities take away my children? What if I failed to teach the children all that they needed to know? Would they find themselves falling short in all areas of life?
I realized that I needed tremendous courage to make it through that first school year. So did the kids. So I decided to begin by teaching them some key verses of Scripture. Their first memorized verse was Psalm 27:1 (NIV): The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my lfe--of whom shall I be afraid?
While the kids worked to memorize those lines, the truth of it began to sink into my heart. It dawned on me that God was like a fortress around me, and he wasn't going to let anyone break down the walls that he had built.
Expect results.
God's love is an impenatrable wall that fears cannot break down. His truth became the foundation of newfound courage for me in the face of great challenges. Since that time, I have built upon his truths daily to overcome the fears that threaten to steal my peace.
Did my tactic of using God's Word work? I think so. I'm far less fearful today than I was back then. And all three of my adult children know God and have used the knowledge they gained through home schooling and traditional education to become successful in their professions.
If we read God's truth daily and focus on what he can do, no fear can stop us. But we must expect results when we read, applying the truths to our own situations. In other words, we must have faith and believe that God's promises are real and that they apply to each of us personally.
Today's Challenge
Write down Psalm 27:1 in a prominent place where you will see it daily. Write it on an index card and tape it to your bathroom mirror, paint it over your front door, or put in on your computer's screen saver. Memorize the truth contained in God's Word so that you can be better prepared to ward off fears when they come after you.
Begin with the truth.
Years ago, I decided to home school my children. In the state where we lived at the time, it was practically illegal. Other home schooling parents advised me not to take the children out in public during the school day. At the time, truant officers were pressing charges against parents and removing the children from their parents' care.
I was more than a litte scared about making such a huge change in our family. What if I got caught? Would the authorities take away my children? What if I failed to teach the children all that they needed to know? Would they find themselves falling short in all areas of life?
I realized that I needed tremendous courage to make it through that first school year. So did the kids. So I decided to begin by teaching them some key verses of Scripture. Their first memorized verse was Psalm 27:1 (NIV): The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my lfe--of whom shall I be afraid?
While the kids worked to memorize those lines, the truth of it began to sink into my heart. It dawned on me that God was like a fortress around me, and he wasn't going to let anyone break down the walls that he had built.
Expect results.
God's love is an impenatrable wall that fears cannot break down. His truth became the foundation of newfound courage for me in the face of great challenges. Since that time, I have built upon his truths daily to overcome the fears that threaten to steal my peace.
Did my tactic of using God's Word work? I think so. I'm far less fearful today than I was back then. And all three of my adult children know God and have used the knowledge they gained through home schooling and traditional education to become successful in their professions.
If we read God's truth daily and focus on what he can do, no fear can stop us. But we must expect results when we read, applying the truths to our own situations. In other words, we must have faith and believe that God's promises are real and that they apply to each of us personally.
Today's Challenge
Write down Psalm 27:1 in a prominent place where you will see it daily. Write it on an index card and tape it to your bathroom mirror, paint it over your front door, or put in on your computer's screen saver. Memorize the truth contained in God's Word so that you can be better prepared to ward off fears when they come after you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
