This photo shows Susan Boyle when she competed in Britain's Got Talent. She walked onstage and told the judges that she wanted to be a great singing sensation. The judges sneered at her, and the audience let out a collective snicker.
Susan's frizzy hair sent the message that she was a dowdy middle-aged housewife without much hope of ever making it in the world. After she belted out the first few notes, however, everyone's opinion of her changed dramatically. This woman could sing!
My first thought was that someone had better offer her a make-over. In this world, people expect singers, actors, and leaders to have beautiful hair. To appear in public looking this frazzled is a sure-fire way to become the brunt of many rude jokes and to be passed over when competing.
Past hurts can affect our self-image.
I have since read Susan Boyle's autobiography, and I have developed a deep appreciation for her courage. She was oxygen-deprived at birth and consequently had to overcome many learning disabilities throughout childhood.
Being teased by other children caused her to become extremely unsure of herself. She had such anxiety about performing when this picture was taken that she nearly backed out of the competition. Her appearance reflects how she felt.
When we are ostracized because we don't look or act like others, it can cause us to become depressed or to develop social anxiety. Depression and anxiety further lead to the neglect of our grooming habits. When we develop long-term apathy for our own souls, it gets reflected in the way we look.
For some of us, this becomes a vicious cycle. We don't feel good on the inside, so we look terrible. Looking unkempt causes others to avoid us or criticize us, which leads to feeling even worse. Something must change, or we remain stuck in this cycle indefinitely.
Like social ostracizing, emotional abuse can also leave lasting scars that make us feel ugly. My ex-husband was so mercilessly critical of my hair that it took me years after leaving him to believe that it was minimally good-looking.
It has only been in the past year that I have finally discovered an attractive haircut and color that make me feel confident again. I believe that my interest in improving my appearance coincides directly with the work I have done to forgive my abusers and to help other survivors.
What is God's opinion about our hair?
I believe that God gave us hair to enhance our beauty. When it is well cared for, a woman's hair can be her crowning glory. An attractive haircut and color can attract others to us. Women want to look like us, and men want to be with us.
King Solomon wrote about his lover, Your hair flows and shimmers like a flock of goats in the distance streaming down a hillside in the sunshine. (Song of Solomon 6:4 MSG) Okay, so Solomon's similes weren't all that great, but you get the idea. His woman's hair caused him to admire her and to appreciate the beauty that God created when he made her.
Our hair reflects how we feel about ourselves.
The photo below was taken of Susan Boyle after she won a recording contract for her first album.
What a difference! Yes, Susan had a makeover, but there's more to her look than just a good haircut. Her eyes tell a story about how she feels. The confidence she acquired by succeeding and gaining the acceptance of her peers changed her appearance completely. She broke the cycle of dowdiness by taking a leap of faith to use her talents and make a difference in the world.
Fake it until you make it.
If we feel depressed or anxious about going out into the world, our hair is gong to reflect our issues. Al-Anon advises that we fake it until we make it. In other words, we get up, shower, wash our hair, put on make-up, and dress in current fashions. We do this every day, no matter how badly we feel about ourselves.
Even if our hair isn't perfect, we keep trying until we get it right. Perhaps we begin by asking others for their honest opinion. Or maybe we seek out the advice of a highly respected hair stylist. I did both.
This process of changing our image may not be easy, but it's worth it in the long run. Making ourselves open to others' opinions and accepting feedback is the only way we are going to change.
Susan Boyle's jitters didn't go away with her overnight success. She continues to struggle with anxiety, but she is faking it and getting closer to making it every day. Her new hairstyle (which was created by a professional) is helping her to gain confidence along the way.
Today's Challenge
Have someone take a photo of you today. Is your hair expressing the glory and beauty that God created when he made you, or is there room for improvement? Ask others for their opinion or consult an expert to bring your hair into current fashion so that you can fake it until you develop greater confidence.
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