Five Secret Weapons

Someone asked me today how I manage my life with all the problems I have experienced. The answer is simple. I have five secret weapons in my arsenal as I fight my way through this world.

Before I tell you what those weapons are, let me say that life is full of challenges for all people. Some handle their troubles with grace; others choose to find comfort in alcohol, drugs, food, sex, and addictive, mind-numbing activities such as television or busy-busy-busy-ness. While these options may provide temporary pain relief from the struggles we all face, they usually only mask the outermost symptoms. What we all need to do is deal with the underlying issues, instead of focusing only on the pain.

When we ignore problems and attempt to self-medicate with things such as alcohol or food, we only create a second set of problems. Now, instead of a fear that someone will discover that we were once sexually abused or you-fill-in-the-blank, we've got that problem in addition to several new ones. And when those problems become worse, depression sets in. This lands us in a place of hopeless desperation.

First, I am able to keep putting one foot ahead of the other, because Jesus is holding me up. Without faith in God and hope that I have a brighter future with him, I could never survive this life.

Years ago, when my life became unmanageable, I began with prayer, asking God to make me aware that I actually had a problem. I asked him to send people into my life who could help me through the maze of troubles that confused me at every turn.

Second, God answered that prayer by arming me with helpful friends. There have been many loving people along the way...a neighbor who 'adopted' me and loved me as her own, a school bus driver who took time to talk to me daily, a teacher who saw my potential, other women who have walked through the fires with me, small group members from church who have prayed with me, a boss who believed in me when no one else did, and a faithful spouse who has stood beside me through it all.

I have found some great advice about the importance of friends in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. It reads:

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together,
they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Third, when I asked God to help me, he showed me that I had to do some hard work to get better. For me, healing has come most quickly when I have rolled up my sleeves and gotten busy with God. Most of us need to work on becoming stronger spiritually, emotionally, socially, physically, and financially.

Stepping up my prayer time and expanding the amount of time I spent in God's Word made a huge difference in the way I dealt with problems. I believe that the greatest wisdom of all time can still be found in the Bible.

Many modern authors have helped me to apply God's wisdom in meaningful ways. For example, I found an excellent resource for making positive changes in Jack Canfield's book, The Success Principles.

I left behind people who were dragging me down and found a new set of friends through church. Many of those relationships developed when I worked as a volunteer alongside others with common interests.

Shedding excess weight through fun activities, such as bike riding and roller blading, made me feel better and improved my outlook. When MS robbed me of my balance and endurance, I exchanged my roller blades for a yoga mat. Failing health led me to search out alternative health practitioners.

When my job began to take a toll on my health, I gave it up to do something more fulfilling. I left behind abusive employers who made unrealistic demands of me.

Fourth, I sought out people along the way to hold me accountable as I worked on new goals. I joined Weight Watchers and an Al-Anon group for adult children of alcoholics. In these settings, positive, encouraging friends helped me to better understand myself.

Fifth, I searched for mental health professionals to steer me back onto the right path. So many people avoid psychiatrists, psychologists, and counselors, because they fear the stigmas that they believe go along with seeking their care. This is about as silly as avoiding a podiatrist when we've got an ingrown toenail.

The right mental health care provider can help us change thought patterns and behaviors that are counter-productive. How did I find the right ones? I asked others for recommendations. I read books about how to choose the appropriate person for me. I interviewed prospective providers and asked them how frequently they had dealt with the problem I was experiencing. If the counselor I chose seemed like the wrong one, I found another.

Counseling is not a one-shot deal, and it may involve a host of providers that we see for many years. After we have reached a point of stability, checking in regularly with a mental health provider keeps us in shape over the long haul. We believe in the importance of getting our teeth cleaned twice a year...why not treat our minds with similar respect?

For many of us, pride and shame keep us quiet. For me, threats from my abusers kept me in silence. Our culture, too, has long dictated that we keep our troubles to ourselves. When we allow others to stifle our voices, we only empower them to hurt us more.

My five secret weapons for survival can be yours, too. If you're struggling, turn to God first and look inward. Then, reach out to others. My guess is that you'll be surprised to find a number of helpful friends, accountability partners, and mental health workers reaching back. Many people have already been through what you're experiencing, and they will find joy in being able to help you work through your troubles.

Remember that with God, we can do the impossible. With support along the way, we can achieve our impossible dreams with greater success. And when it's time to celebrate our personal achievements, we can praise God together with the loving people who have journeyed with us.

Love One Another

My apologies to you, dear readers, for taking so long to write. I was injured by a drunk driver on July 29, and I'm slowly recovering.

Since I have been homebound for the past couple of months, I have been listening frequently to the Gospel of John. Jesus's command to love one another comes across more clearly with each passing day.

I have felt God's love through many people lately. Friends have come to clean, prepare meals, garden, and visit. Their sacrifice of time speaks volumes about God's love.

If we love one another, we make these sacrifices to give up what we want to do in order to take care of someone else's needs. We pray, listen patiently, encourage, provide a meal, take time for a special activity with a friend, clean a house, write a note, and so on. And when we perform these acts without grumbling or worrying about ourselves, then we know that we are expressing God's true love; and joy inevitably follows.

Sometimes, we encounter people who have lost their ability to love. They send short emails or text messages that read, "I love you." They say the words whenever they leave the house or end a phone conversation. But there seems to be little or no joy as they go through their day. They rush others, they complain, they speak impatiently, they let their anger show. Mostly, they let everyone they meet know how miserable their lives have become. They complain about everything, because they've forgotten how to tap into God's love and express it to others. This kind of attitude is like a cancer that will kill all love if it is left untreated.

I now realize what the secret to joy is: it means that I praise God minute by minute for every good and bad thing that happens to me. I keep on serving those around me with a smile on my face and a song in my heart, no matter how hard life becomes. I keep loving people, even when they are ungrateful or rude. Because even when things become unbearable, I can always be thankful that I'm not in this alone. Jesus is always beside me, holding my hand.

I am thankful that God has given me this recovery time to see this truth about His love. I have asked Him and others to forgive me for the times when I have served grudgingly or with resentment.

God continues to send special people into my life so that I can focus more on giving away my love than on trying to find some. I think Jesus wants us to remember that love is a gift to be freely given, not a commodity to be earned or bought.

Search for someone today who practices this kind of heartfelt love, and you will rediscover what it means to be joy-filled. After all, joy and grouchiness can't co-exist. People who love God and embrace all circumstances as opportunities have learned that love is the antidote to depression, burn-out, and hopelessness.

So, love somebody today and rediscover the joy and peace that Christ promises.