As survivors of abuse and trauma, we frequently suffer from low self-esteem. We lack the confidence to move forward with our lives, so I've been writing about how we can become more courageous through my series, Confident in God's Hands.
The 10 Minute Rule
Consider how you feel when you find yourself running behind schedule. You look at your watch every few seconds as you crawl through heavy traffic on the way to work. You envision your boss glaring at you when you sneak in late. Every day, you seem to run about 10 minutes behind, no matter how hard you try to arrive on time.
I have a friend who never seemed to suffer from this frustration of running the race against the clock. Whenever we met, he was always there waiting for me, looking unruffled and relaxed. What was his secret?
He told me about The 10-Minute Rule. No matter where he planned to go or who he intended to meet, he always arrived 10 minutes ahead of schedule.
When I asked him how he managed to succeed at this, he said that he did time studies to figure out how long it took to get from his house to his destination. Then, he added a few extra minutes to account for traffic or poor weather. Because of this fudge factor, he sometimes arrived 20 minutes ahead of schedule, but he was never late.
I asked him what he did with those extra 10 or 20 minutes. To me, this seemed very unproductive. With a shrug, he smiled and said that he just sat there and relaxed.
We're so used to multi-tasking that this seems contrary to our upbringing. But recent studies have shown that multi-tasking is far less productive than just focusing on one thing at a time. My friend's practice of relaxing for a few minutes between appointments has kept him far happier and more confident than most of us probably are.
What does God have to say about arriving early?
God created us to live within the confines of time, and he expects us to make the most of our hours here on earth. The apostle Paul reminded the Romans of this. He was talking to them about getting ready for Christ's return, but I think it can generally be applied to our daily schedules. If we keep our sights on God's plans for us and make sure that we're using our time wisely, we will feel more confident doing his work.
Paul said, But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don't loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! (Romans 13:11 MSG)
Conduct a time study.
I have conducted my own time studies to figure out how long it takes me to get ready to leave the house. I have discovered over the years that no matter how many children, dogs, or phone calls are factored into the equation, it takes me at least two hours to shower, get dressed, feed the family, walk the dog, and hit the road.
We recently moved about 45 minutes outside of the city. Now, I have to add driving time to my equation. Sometimes I get delayed behind a farmer on a tractor, or believe it or not, a pair of tiny donkeys pulling a man in a miniature cart. In order to arrive 10 minutes early to all of my appointments, I allow myself 60 minutes for driving.
By giving ourselves these extra minutes and figuring in a little extra fudge factor, we can arrive at our destinations feeling more confident. When we approach our day this way, it reduces stress and boosts our self-esteem. We're no longer feeling like the flustered loser who's about to get fired for always arriving late.
Today's Challenge
For the next week, conduct your own time studies. Figure out how long it really takes you to get ready in the morning. Write down your start time and your end time. Do the same for your morning commute. When you have figured out how long it takes, add some extra time to allow for the unexpected. Then, plan to arrive 10 minutes early and add that to your formula.
Showing posts with label childhood sexual abuse surivors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childhood sexual abuse surivors. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Seeing Clearly Improves Confidence
We are learning how to become more confident after surviving abuse or trauma. This series, Confident in God's Hands, focuses on changes that we can make to boost our self-esteem. Today, I would like to consider our vision and how it affects our level of confidence.
Are you blind?
While we may not realize we need to have our vision corrected, it is imperative to get regular eye exams. With corrected vision, we don't mistake the skunk on our front porch for our kitty, and we don't misread the 1/2 cup sugar in our recipe as 1/2 cup salt. Corrected vision increases our confidence, because when we can see clearly, we simply function better.
How does God view corrected vision?
God originally designed us to see perfectly all of our lives. But after the fall of mankind, we were destined to live imperfect lives. I believe that God feels compassion for us when we can't see clearly, as evidenced in this passage about Jesus healing the blind:
The people were amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled made well, the lame walking and the blind seeing. And they praised the God of Israel. (Matthew 15:31 NIV)
I am so thankful that God gave us the gift of eyeglasses, contact lenses, and corrective surgery for issues such as nearsightedness and cataracts. There are so many people in the world who do not have access to these blessings, and my heart goes out to them. I can't imagine trying to function without my glasses.
What's holding you back?
Many of us resist wearing glasses for a number of reasons. Some people claim that they can't afford them, but I think the more frequent excuse for not getting glasses is that we don't like the way we look in them. Furthermore, we don't know how to choose a pair that suits us.
We've got to set aside our vanity over wearing glasses if we want to feel confident. Seeing things clearly and being able to read without straining our eyes or making mistakes is imperative to bolstering our self-esteem.
Are your glasses outdated?
Choosing glasses can be a stressful undertaking. They say a lot about our personalities, and they're the first thing people may notice about us...especially if they're not a good fit. If you already wear glasses, is it time for an update?
Consider Estelle Getty's glasses in the picture below.
The producers of The Golden Girls intentionally exaggerated Getty's oversized spectacles. They are the trademark of old people who don't see the need to update their look. Don't fall into that category of people who are stuck in a rut. Nothing robs us of confidence faster than feeling as if we're clueless about current styles.
Tips for choosing glasses.
For some of us, contact lenses or corrective surgery are not viable options. So, if we want to feel confident wearing glasses, we must take the time to select them carefully. I've discovered some tips for choosing eyewear, and my new glasses usually help me to feel more confident about my vision, as well as my appearance.
1) Don't let someone else choose your look. While your husband or your best friend may think you look terrific, if you don't feel confident in the glasses they choose, they'll never work for you.
2) Take your time. Shop around at various eyeglass stores. If you don't find something you like, don't settle for second-best.
3) Listen to the advice of the optician, who is trained to fit eyeglasses properly. While a particular frame may seem like a good choice, if they're too big for your face, you'll wind up looking like Estelle Getty.
4) Take lots of pictures of yourself wearing the glasses you try on. Carry your own camera and collect dozens of images. Then, go home and sift through the various styles until you narrow down your choices to the top three.
5) If possible, show the pictures to your hairstylist before purchasing glasses. Your hair color and cut may not work with the color or shape of the glasses you're considering.
6) Don't chintz when it comes to the purchase price. Going for the $49 special may save you money, but it may cost you in confidence if you end up looking like one of the Golden Girls.
7) Buy at a store with a money-back guarantee. If you discover that your glasses are uncomfortable, don't suit your style, or make you feel self-conscious, you can start the process over again.
Today's Challenge
Take pictures of yourself in your current glasses. Do they suit your face shape, your hair color, and your eye shape? If not, follow the seven tips above to improve your confidence with a new frame that better reflects who you are.
Are you blind?
While we may not realize we need to have our vision corrected, it is imperative to get regular eye exams. With corrected vision, we don't mistake the skunk on our front porch for our kitty, and we don't misread the 1/2 cup sugar in our recipe as 1/2 cup salt. Corrected vision increases our confidence, because when we can see clearly, we simply function better.
How does God view corrected vision?
God originally designed us to see perfectly all of our lives. But after the fall of mankind, we were destined to live imperfect lives. I believe that God feels compassion for us when we can't see clearly, as evidenced in this passage about Jesus healing the blind:
The people were amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled made well, the lame walking and the blind seeing. And they praised the God of Israel. (Matthew 15:31 NIV)
I am so thankful that God gave us the gift of eyeglasses, contact lenses, and corrective surgery for issues such as nearsightedness and cataracts. There are so many people in the world who do not have access to these blessings, and my heart goes out to them. I can't imagine trying to function without my glasses.
What's holding you back?
Many of us resist wearing glasses for a number of reasons. Some people claim that they can't afford them, but I think the more frequent excuse for not getting glasses is that we don't like the way we look in them. Furthermore, we don't know how to choose a pair that suits us.
We've got to set aside our vanity over wearing glasses if we want to feel confident. Seeing things clearly and being able to read without straining our eyes or making mistakes is imperative to bolstering our self-esteem.
Are your glasses outdated?
Choosing glasses can be a stressful undertaking. They say a lot about our personalities, and they're the first thing people may notice about us...especially if they're not a good fit. If you already wear glasses, is it time for an update?
Consider Estelle Getty's glasses in the picture below.
The producers of The Golden Girls intentionally exaggerated Getty's oversized spectacles. They are the trademark of old people who don't see the need to update their look. Don't fall into that category of people who are stuck in a rut. Nothing robs us of confidence faster than feeling as if we're clueless about current styles.
Tips for choosing glasses.
For some of us, contact lenses or corrective surgery are not viable options. So, if we want to feel confident wearing glasses, we must take the time to select them carefully. I've discovered some tips for choosing eyewear, and my new glasses usually help me to feel more confident about my vision, as well as my appearance.
1) Don't let someone else choose your look. While your husband or your best friend may think you look terrific, if you don't feel confident in the glasses they choose, they'll never work for you.
2) Take your time. Shop around at various eyeglass stores. If you don't find something you like, don't settle for second-best.
3) Listen to the advice of the optician, who is trained to fit eyeglasses properly. While a particular frame may seem like a good choice, if they're too big for your face, you'll wind up looking like Estelle Getty.
4) Take lots of pictures of yourself wearing the glasses you try on. Carry your own camera and collect dozens of images. Then, go home and sift through the various styles until you narrow down your choices to the top three.
5) If possible, show the pictures to your hairstylist before purchasing glasses. Your hair color and cut may not work with the color or shape of the glasses you're considering.
6) Don't chintz when it comes to the purchase price. Going for the $49 special may save you money, but it may cost you in confidence if you end up looking like one of the Golden Girls.
7) Buy at a store with a money-back guarantee. If you discover that your glasses are uncomfortable, don't suit your style, or make you feel self-conscious, you can start the process over again.
Today's Challenge
Take pictures of yourself in your current glasses. Do they suit your face shape, your hair color, and your eye shape? If not, follow the seven tips above to improve your confidence with a new frame that better reflects who you are.
Friday, June 3, 2011
What Are Your Fears Telling You?
We have focused our thoughts this week on our fears as part of my series, Confident in God's Hands. A few readers sent me their comments, and as promised, I'm going to reveal mankind's top 10 fears today, as well as a few lists of my own.
Our fears are trying to tell us something.
The medical term for extreme fear is phobia. And phobias are the most common symptom of anxiety disorders. An American study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) found that between 8.7% and 18.1% of Americans suffer from phobias. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phobia)
If we're suffering from extreme fears that disrupt our daily routines, we've got a mental illness that needs to be addressed. I spoke with a woman before writing today's post about our fears, and she told me that she suffered from undiagnosed anxiety for years. Identifying it became a turning point for her, because knowing that it was an illness empowered her to treat it.
Mankind's Top 10 Fears
1. Fear of spiders
2. Fear of social situations
3. Fear of flying
4. Fear of any place or situation where escape might be difficult
5. Fear of being trapped in small confined spaces
6. Fear of heights
7. Fear of vomit
8. Fear of cancer
9. Fear of thunder and lightning
10. Fear of the dead or death
Alternative Fear Lists
There are almost as many lists of top 10 fears as there are fears. Some sources include the fear of bugs, mice, snakes, or bats. Other lists change up the order of the fears.
Americans have very different fears from the overall population. We tend to be more afraid of terrorists, economic downturns, personal financial failure, and divorce than the rest of the world.
I believe that our list of fears may evolve over time. Things that frightened us as children or young adults may no longer hold any power over us. And as we age, we may become fearful about situations, such as falling or losing our independence, which we may never have given a second thought in our youth.
My guess is that survivors of childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, and trauma all have their own specific lists of fears, too. I surmise that many of us fear situations where we can't escape, because abusers have held such power over us.
I frequently have nightmares about going back to living in the same houses with my abusers, where they have absolute control over me. I also dream about floods, hurricanes, and tornadoes, which I cannot escape.
Are we suffering from anxiety disorders?
For years, I tried to figure out what my night terrors meant. Now I know that they're merely symbols for my number one phobia: the inability to escape. I know that I developed this extreme fear as a result of being locked in the dark after having been sexually abused. This phobia grew worse after nearly twenty years of domestic violence.
So how do we deal with these types of phobias that interrupt our sleep and paralyze us during the day? In my opinion, a mental healthcare professional should be consulted. Medication may be required, at least in the short run until we learn some coping mechanisms. Over the next four weeks, we will learn some strategies to help us deal with our fears so that we can become more confident.
If you've been struggling with anxiety for many years, as I have, you may be thinking that this is going to be an impossible task. I want to encourage you to believe that life can be much more enjoyable without fear. Luke 18:27 (NIV) reminds us, What is impossible with men is possible with God.
Today's Challenge
Review your list of fears and consider two questions: 1) Are your fears so extreme that you are changing your daily routine or decisions to work around them? 2) Are you having symbolic nightmares about your fears that disturb your sleep and leave you feeling depressed upon awakening? Becoming aware of the power that our fears have over us is key to eliminating them.
Our fears are trying to tell us something.
The medical term for extreme fear is phobia. And phobias are the most common symptom of anxiety disorders. An American study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) found that between 8.7% and 18.1% of Americans suffer from phobias. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phobia)
If we're suffering from extreme fears that disrupt our daily routines, we've got a mental illness that needs to be addressed. I spoke with a woman before writing today's post about our fears, and she told me that she suffered from undiagnosed anxiety for years. Identifying it became a turning point for her, because knowing that it was an illness empowered her to treat it.
Mankind's Top 10 Fears
1. Fear of spiders
2. Fear of social situations
3. Fear of flying
4. Fear of any place or situation where escape might be difficult
5. Fear of being trapped in small confined spaces
6. Fear of heights
7. Fear of vomit
8. Fear of cancer
9. Fear of thunder and lightning
10. Fear of the dead or death
Alternative Fear Lists
There are almost as many lists of top 10 fears as there are fears. Some sources include the fear of bugs, mice, snakes, or bats. Other lists change up the order of the fears.
Americans have very different fears from the overall population. We tend to be more afraid of terrorists, economic downturns, personal financial failure, and divorce than the rest of the world.
I believe that our list of fears may evolve over time. Things that frightened us as children or young adults may no longer hold any power over us. And as we age, we may become fearful about situations, such as falling or losing our independence, which we may never have given a second thought in our youth.
My guess is that survivors of childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, and trauma all have their own specific lists of fears, too. I surmise that many of us fear situations where we can't escape, because abusers have held such power over us.
I frequently have nightmares about going back to living in the same houses with my abusers, where they have absolute control over me. I also dream about floods, hurricanes, and tornadoes, which I cannot escape.
Are we suffering from anxiety disorders?
For years, I tried to figure out what my night terrors meant. Now I know that they're merely symbols for my number one phobia: the inability to escape. I know that I developed this extreme fear as a result of being locked in the dark after having been sexually abused. This phobia grew worse after nearly twenty years of domestic violence.
So how do we deal with these types of phobias that interrupt our sleep and paralyze us during the day? In my opinion, a mental healthcare professional should be consulted. Medication may be required, at least in the short run until we learn some coping mechanisms. Over the next four weeks, we will learn some strategies to help us deal with our fears so that we can become more confident.
If you've been struggling with anxiety for many years, as I have, you may be thinking that this is going to be an impossible task. I want to encourage you to believe that life can be much more enjoyable without fear. Luke 18:27 (NIV) reminds us, What is impossible with men is possible with God.
Today's Challenge
Review your list of fears and consider two questions: 1) Are your fears so extreme that you are changing your daily routine or decisions to work around them? 2) Are you having symbolic nightmares about your fears that disturb your sleep and leave you feeling depressed upon awakening? Becoming aware of the power that our fears have over us is key to eliminating them.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Who is More Powerful than God?
We continue today with our series, Confident in God's Hands. This week, we are considering how fear robs us of confidence.
Is God the most powerful force in the universe?
In recent weeks, tornadoes have ripped through our country, leaving downed trees and power lines, and devastating homes and businesses in their wakes. Whenever we see natural disasters, such as tornadoes, tsunamis, and earthquakes, we are awed by the power of Mother Nature. But who do we beleive is behind all of her power?
I believe that God controls everything, even the wind and the waves. When Jesus walked on water, he did so in the middle of a squall on the Sea of Gallilee. It amazed the disciples that he could walk on water, but what really awed them was Jesus' ability to make the storm stop with three simple words, Quiet! Be still. (Mark 4:39 NIV)
We must believe that God, not Mother Nature, is behind such powerful energy. Doing so helps us to become more confident. How? The apostle Paul wrote, If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31 NIV) If God can control a squall with a few simple words, he can surely speak on our behalf to help us out of difficult situations.
Can anything outpower God?
The Bible tells us that there is no person or power greater than God. Paul wrote in Romans 8:37-39 (NIV), No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
If God can outsmart and overpower death, demons, the future, and every other existing power, why should we ever be afraid? As long as we belong to God, we have nothing to fear!
Why do we have such poor self-confidence?
Imagine how much we could all accomplish if we had no fears. I would ride a horse again over four-foot high brick walls without fearing that I might fall off and reinjure my head. I'd swim in the ocean without worrying about sharks, sting rays and jelly fish hurting me. What would you do?
Without fear, I would be free to live the way God wants me to. The problem for all of us is that Satan whispers in our ears every day that we'd better not trust God to protect us. He uses our fears to keep us from relying on God when we feel weak. And as our fears mount, our confidence shrinks.
Can we overcome our greatest fears?
Most of us don't even realize how much we are controlled by our fears. If we are aware of them, we've learned ways of coping so that we constantly dance around them.
Our fears are like venemous snakes crawling freely about our homes. Instead of calling in a snake handler to get rid of them, we barricade ourselves in the rooms that are snake-free, or we tiptoe around the slithering creatures.
Living with fear, like living with snakes, robs us of the ability to relax. Who can laugh or dance or sing with snakes underfoot? And yet we pretend that we can fully live with fears controlling our every move.
For the next six weeks, we will learn how to fully acknowledge our fears, look into the causes of them, and eventually learn to replace our anxious responses to life with better coping skills. I hope that you will journey with me as we learn to become conquerers over fear, confident in God's hands.
Today's Challenge
Memorize Romans 8:31: If God is for us, who can be against us? The next time you become fearful, anxious, or worried about a situation, repeat this passage to yourself.
Is God the most powerful force in the universe?
In recent weeks, tornadoes have ripped through our country, leaving downed trees and power lines, and devastating homes and businesses in their wakes. Whenever we see natural disasters, such as tornadoes, tsunamis, and earthquakes, we are awed by the power of Mother Nature. But who do we beleive is behind all of her power?
I believe that God controls everything, even the wind and the waves. When Jesus walked on water, he did so in the middle of a squall on the Sea of Gallilee. It amazed the disciples that he could walk on water, but what really awed them was Jesus' ability to make the storm stop with three simple words, Quiet! Be still. (Mark 4:39 NIV)
We must believe that God, not Mother Nature, is behind such powerful energy. Doing so helps us to become more confident. How? The apostle Paul wrote, If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31 NIV) If God can control a squall with a few simple words, he can surely speak on our behalf to help us out of difficult situations.
Can anything outpower God?
The Bible tells us that there is no person or power greater than God. Paul wrote in Romans 8:37-39 (NIV), No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
If God can outsmart and overpower death, demons, the future, and every other existing power, why should we ever be afraid? As long as we belong to God, we have nothing to fear!
Why do we have such poor self-confidence?
Imagine how much we could all accomplish if we had no fears. I would ride a horse again over four-foot high brick walls without fearing that I might fall off and reinjure my head. I'd swim in the ocean without worrying about sharks, sting rays and jelly fish hurting me. What would you do?
Without fear, I would be free to live the way God wants me to. The problem for all of us is that Satan whispers in our ears every day that we'd better not trust God to protect us. He uses our fears to keep us from relying on God when we feel weak. And as our fears mount, our confidence shrinks.
Can we overcome our greatest fears?
Most of us don't even realize how much we are controlled by our fears. If we are aware of them, we've learned ways of coping so that we constantly dance around them.
Our fears are like venemous snakes crawling freely about our homes. Instead of calling in a snake handler to get rid of them, we barricade ourselves in the rooms that are snake-free, or we tiptoe around the slithering creatures.
Living with fear, like living with snakes, robs us of the ability to relax. Who can laugh or dance or sing with snakes underfoot? And yet we pretend that we can fully live with fears controlling our every move.
For the next six weeks, we will learn how to fully acknowledge our fears, look into the causes of them, and eventually learn to replace our anxious responses to life with better coping skills. I hope that you will journey with me as we learn to become conquerers over fear, confident in God's hands.
Today's Challenge
Memorize Romans 8:31: If God is for us, who can be against us? The next time you become fearful, anxious, or worried about a situation, repeat this passage to yourself.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
A Powerful Weapon Against Fear
We continue this week with a look at how our fears erode our self-confidence in my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I would like to give you a powerful weapon to use in the battle against fear.
Begin with the truth.
Years ago, I decided to home school my children. In the state where we lived at the time, it was practically illegal. Other home schooling parents advised me not to take the children out in public during the school day. At the time, truant officers were pressing charges against parents and removing the children from their parents' care.
I was more than a litte scared about making such a huge change in our family. What if I got caught? Would the authorities take away my children? What if I failed to teach the children all that they needed to know? Would they find themselves falling short in all areas of life?
I realized that I needed tremendous courage to make it through that first school year. So did the kids. So I decided to begin by teaching them some key verses of Scripture. Their first memorized verse was Psalm 27:1 (NIV): The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my lfe--of whom shall I be afraid?
While the kids worked to memorize those lines, the truth of it began to sink into my heart. It dawned on me that God was like a fortress around me, and he wasn't going to let anyone break down the walls that he had built.
Expect results.
God's love is an impenatrable wall that fears cannot break down. His truth became the foundation of newfound courage for me in the face of great challenges. Since that time, I have built upon his truths daily to overcome the fears that threaten to steal my peace.
Did my tactic of using God's Word work? I think so. I'm far less fearful today than I was back then. And all three of my adult children know God and have used the knowledge they gained through home schooling and traditional education to become successful in their professions.
If we read God's truth daily and focus on what he can do, no fear can stop us. But we must expect results when we read, applying the truths to our own situations. In other words, we must have faith and believe that God's promises are real and that they apply to each of us personally.
Today's Challenge
Write down Psalm 27:1 in a prominent place where you will see it daily. Write it on an index card and tape it to your bathroom mirror, paint it over your front door, or put in on your computer's screen saver. Memorize the truth contained in God's Word so that you can be better prepared to ward off fears when they come after you.
Begin with the truth.
Years ago, I decided to home school my children. In the state where we lived at the time, it was practically illegal. Other home schooling parents advised me not to take the children out in public during the school day. At the time, truant officers were pressing charges against parents and removing the children from their parents' care.
I was more than a litte scared about making such a huge change in our family. What if I got caught? Would the authorities take away my children? What if I failed to teach the children all that they needed to know? Would they find themselves falling short in all areas of life?
I realized that I needed tremendous courage to make it through that first school year. So did the kids. So I decided to begin by teaching them some key verses of Scripture. Their first memorized verse was Psalm 27:1 (NIV): The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my lfe--of whom shall I be afraid?
While the kids worked to memorize those lines, the truth of it began to sink into my heart. It dawned on me that God was like a fortress around me, and he wasn't going to let anyone break down the walls that he had built.
Expect results.
God's love is an impenatrable wall that fears cannot break down. His truth became the foundation of newfound courage for me in the face of great challenges. Since that time, I have built upon his truths daily to overcome the fears that threaten to steal my peace.
Did my tactic of using God's Word work? I think so. I'm far less fearful today than I was back then. And all three of my adult children know God and have used the knowledge they gained through home schooling and traditional education to become successful in their professions.
If we read God's truth daily and focus on what he can do, no fear can stop us. But we must expect results when we read, applying the truths to our own situations. In other words, we must have faith and believe that God's promises are real and that they apply to each of us personally.
Today's Challenge
Write down Psalm 27:1 in a prominent place where you will see it daily. Write it on an index card and tape it to your bathroom mirror, paint it over your front door, or put in on your computer's screen saver. Memorize the truth contained in God's Word so that you can be better prepared to ward off fears when they come after you.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Your Top Ten Fears
This week, we begin a new series about gaining confidence. I have titled it Confident in God's Hands. Today, I would like to consider what we fear the most, because we cannot develop greater confidence as long as fear reigns supreme in our lives.
Mankind's Top 10 Fears
I looked online at lists of fears that other writers and scientists have compiled. To my surprise, some of my fears didn't make the top 10 list. And some things that terrorize the average person don't bother me in the least.
For example, I'm afraid of running through poison ivy, probably because I'm so allergic to it that it causes breathing difficulties. Poision ivy wasn't even on any of the lists I reviewed.
On the other hand, I could care less about finding a spider in my bathtub or bed. Creepy crawlers that would make most men scream like little girls don't scare me at all. And yet, fear of spiders is on most of the top 10 lists.
What scares you the most?
What are you afraid of? Death? Public speaking? Or maybe snakes and sharks? I would really like to know what your top 10 fears are. Please use the comment section below to send me your top 10 phobias. If you receive my blog via email, just send me a reply. At the end of the week, I'll reveal my readers' most common fears. Don't worry, I won't identify you!
Today's Challenge
Sit quietly today for a few minutes and write down in your journal what your top 10 fears are. No matter how silly they may seem, write them down. Over the course of the next four weeks, we'll work on eliminating or reducing the impact of as many of your fears as we can.
Mankind's Top 10 Fears
I looked online at lists of fears that other writers and scientists have compiled. To my surprise, some of my fears didn't make the top 10 list. And some things that terrorize the average person don't bother me in the least.
For example, I'm afraid of running through poison ivy, probably because I'm so allergic to it that it causes breathing difficulties. Poision ivy wasn't even on any of the lists I reviewed.
On the other hand, I could care less about finding a spider in my bathtub or bed. Creepy crawlers that would make most men scream like little girls don't scare me at all. And yet, fear of spiders is on most of the top 10 lists.
What scares you the most?
What are you afraid of? Death? Public speaking? Or maybe snakes and sharks? I would really like to know what your top 10 fears are. Please use the comment section below to send me your top 10 phobias. If you receive my blog via email, just send me a reply. At the end of the week, I'll reveal my readers' most common fears. Don't worry, I won't identify you!
Today's Challenge
Sit quietly today for a few minutes and write down in your journal what your top 10 fears are. No matter how silly they may seem, write them down. Over the course of the next four weeks, we'll work on eliminating or reducing the impact of as many of your fears as we can.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Control Your Sexuality
We are learning about self-control this week in my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, we will be considering what it means to be self-controlled when it comes to our sexuality.
When is it okay to have sex?
The Bible gives us some very clear directions about our sexuality. The apostle Paul had a lot to say about it in I Corinthians 7 (MSG). Paul wrote, First, is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder.
This passages shows us plainly that God designed us to have healthy sex drives. However, they are to be used only within the context of marriage. When we choose to become sexually involved with someone of the same sex or a person who is not our spouse, we create sexual disorder.
When should we say no to sex?
When we understand that marriage is the only place for sex, it's pretty easy to figure out when to say no. If our fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, neighbors, or anyone else approaches us for sex, the answer should always be no.
In rare instances, we are permitted to tell our spouses that we are not interested in sex. The apostle Paul wrote, The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.
Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.
What if we don't wish to marry?
So many young women who have been sexually abused struggle with the pressures that society puts on them to find a husband. They are still so confused about their sexuality, and they often rush into relationships that merely replicate the abuse of their past. It is far better to remain single than to marry for the wrong reasons.
On the other hand, God has instilled in each of us a powerful desire for sex. If we have no marriage partner, we may get ourselves into trouble when our desires override our common sense.
The apostle Paul never married, and he told the people of the early church, Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.
I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.
God defines who you are.
Paul concluded this chapter with some comforting thoughts. He wrote, And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.
So, whether you are married or single right now is God's desire for you. Remember that following him defines who you are much more powerfully than your marital status. Love him, and you'll find that you are better able to love the spouse that you have or to find that special someone you've been waiting for all your life.
Today's Challenge
Are you using your sexuality appropriately within the confines of marriage? If not, resolve today to get back in line with God's way of looking at the sexual side of you. If you're still single, keep your eyes and heart on God's leading in your life. Eventually, the right person will come alongside you.
When is it okay to have sex?
The Bible gives us some very clear directions about our sexuality. The apostle Paul had a lot to say about it in I Corinthians 7 (MSG). Paul wrote, First, is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder.
This passages shows us plainly that God designed us to have healthy sex drives. However, they are to be used only within the context of marriage. When we choose to become sexually involved with someone of the same sex or a person who is not our spouse, we create sexual disorder.
When should we say no to sex?
When we understand that marriage is the only place for sex, it's pretty easy to figure out when to say no. If our fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, neighbors, or anyone else approaches us for sex, the answer should always be no.
In rare instances, we are permitted to tell our spouses that we are not interested in sex. The apostle Paul wrote, The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.
Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.
What if we don't wish to marry?
So many young women who have been sexually abused struggle with the pressures that society puts on them to find a husband. They are still so confused about their sexuality, and they often rush into relationships that merely replicate the abuse of their past. It is far better to remain single than to marry for the wrong reasons.
On the other hand, God has instilled in each of us a powerful desire for sex. If we have no marriage partner, we may get ourselves into trouble when our desires override our common sense.
The apostle Paul never married, and he told the people of the early church, Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.
I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.
God defines who you are.
Paul concluded this chapter with some comforting thoughts. He wrote, And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.
So, whether you are married or single right now is God's desire for you. Remember that following him defines who you are much more powerfully than your marital status. Love him, and you'll find that you are better able to love the spouse that you have or to find that special someone you've been waiting for all your life.
Today's Challenge
Are you using your sexuality appropriately within the confines of marriage? If not, resolve today to get back in line with God's way of looking at the sexual side of you. If you're still single, keep your eyes and heart on God's leading in your life. Eventually, the right person will come alongside you.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Bullies Never Win
Our discussion this week is centered on the concept of gentleness and is a continuation of my nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I'd like to concentrate on bullying, since it has become so prevalent in recent years.
We've all met at least one bully.
When I was about four years old, there were two bullies in my neighborhood. One was a teenage boy who approached me one afternoon while I was sitting on my front steps. In his hand, he was carrying the old washing machine hose that my dad had thrown in the trash the night before.
Without provocation, the boy walked up to me and began beating me with that rubber hose. I tried to protect myself by curling up in a ball, but he simply kept hitting me over and over. At the time, I remember wondering why anyone would do something so cruel. Eventually, he stopped, tossed the hose back into the trash can, and walked away.
The second bully I grew up with was a girl who was two years older than I was. Relentlessly, she picked on me during our one-mile walk to and from school. She waited in the bushes until I passed by, and then jumped out to tackle me to the ground. Other days, she tripped me, pinched me, slapped me, or stole my lunch from me.
One afternoon, the bully tried to wrench my lunch box from my hand. That was her first mistake, because that box belonged to my brother. He'd warned me that morning not to lose it or mess it up. For years, I had allowed this girl to pick on me, but I was determined not to let her spoil my brother's favorite lunch box.
With all the strength I could muster, I windmilled her over the head with that metal lunchbox. To my surprise, her knees buckled, and I walked the rest of the way home in peace.
The following day, the bully's sister told me that the family had spent the evening in the emergency room. Apparently, my brother's lunch box had given the bully a concussion. I felt badly for her, but at the same time, my actions brought me some relief: she never picked on me again.
I'm not advocating violence here, but I do wish to make the point that if we allow bullies to pick on us, they will not stop. It is imperative that we find a way to dissuade bullies, either by traveling through life in groups or by involving someone more powerful than the bully to put an end to his actions. This may include supportive friends, neighbors, or even the police.
Scratch a bully, find a victim.
We can all relate to the feelings of helplessness that bullying creates. But do we ever take the time to understand a bully?
A counselor once told me, "Sratch a bully, find a victim." What she meant by that phrase was that if you scratch through the mean surface, most bullies were once themselves victims of bullying or abuse. They don't know how to appropriately express their anger, so they take it out on weaker people.
Understanding the bully does not mean that we condone his actions. But perhaps knowing why he behaves as he does will help us to pray for him to change.
God is never a bully.
We are learning how to be gentle, and one way of doing that is to study God's character. He never bullies anyone.
The story of Job's suffering from significant losses and illness gives us a glimpse into God's character, as well as Job's. In spite of all the challenges that God allowed Job to endure, Job never blamed God for his afflictions.
Job said, "It's true that God is all-powerful, but he doesn't bully innocent people. For the wicked, though, it's a different story— he doesn't give them the time of day, but champions the rights of their victims. He never takes his eyes off the righteous; he honors them lavishly, promotes them endlessly. When things go badly, when affliction and suffering descend, God tells them where they've gone wrong, shows them how their pride has caused their trouble. He forces them to heed his warning, tells them they must repent of their bad life. If they obey and serve him, they'll have a good, long life on easy street. But if they disobey, they'll be cut down in their prime and never know the first thing about life. Angry people without God pile grievance upon grievance, always blaming others for their troubles. Living it up in sexual excesses, virility wasted, they die young. But those who learn from their suffering, God delivers from their suffering.
(Job 36:5 MSG)
Gentle people have learned from their mistakes.
The passage above shows us that we may, at times, come to the conclusion that our troubles were a result of someone else's evil actions or of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. In such instances, we can rely on God to help us understand, as Job did.
At other times, we may suffer as a result of our own sin or pride. During these instances, we must admit that we've gotten ourselves into a jam through our own errors. Then, we must humble ourselves, admit our mistakes, and learn from them. In the process, gentleness grows.
The bully does not take advantage of this learning curve. He remains angry with God, and he takes it out on everyone around him. He continues doing things his own way, without regard for whom he is hurting. His life rarely improves, because he refuses to look inward.
As survivors of abuse, we must make sure that we are continually looking inward. With a spirit of humility and reliance on God's grace, we can admit our faults so that we can grow ever more gentle. And when we encounter bullies, we can pray for them. Developing such wonderful understanding leads us even closer to the gentle spirit we desire.
Today's Challenge
Were you bullied as a child? Write down how you felt at the time and how you responded. What would you do differently today?
We've all met at least one bully.
When I was about four years old, there were two bullies in my neighborhood. One was a teenage boy who approached me one afternoon while I was sitting on my front steps. In his hand, he was carrying the old washing machine hose that my dad had thrown in the trash the night before.
Without provocation, the boy walked up to me and began beating me with that rubber hose. I tried to protect myself by curling up in a ball, but he simply kept hitting me over and over. At the time, I remember wondering why anyone would do something so cruel. Eventually, he stopped, tossed the hose back into the trash can, and walked away.
The second bully I grew up with was a girl who was two years older than I was. Relentlessly, she picked on me during our one-mile walk to and from school. She waited in the bushes until I passed by, and then jumped out to tackle me to the ground. Other days, she tripped me, pinched me, slapped me, or stole my lunch from me.
One afternoon, the bully tried to wrench my lunch box from my hand. That was her first mistake, because that box belonged to my brother. He'd warned me that morning not to lose it or mess it up. For years, I had allowed this girl to pick on me, but I was determined not to let her spoil my brother's favorite lunch box.
With all the strength I could muster, I windmilled her over the head with that metal lunchbox. To my surprise, her knees buckled, and I walked the rest of the way home in peace.
The following day, the bully's sister told me that the family had spent the evening in the emergency room. Apparently, my brother's lunch box had given the bully a concussion. I felt badly for her, but at the same time, my actions brought me some relief: she never picked on me again.
I'm not advocating violence here, but I do wish to make the point that if we allow bullies to pick on us, they will not stop. It is imperative that we find a way to dissuade bullies, either by traveling through life in groups or by involving someone more powerful than the bully to put an end to his actions. This may include supportive friends, neighbors, or even the police.
Scratch a bully, find a victim.
We can all relate to the feelings of helplessness that bullying creates. But do we ever take the time to understand a bully?
A counselor once told me, "Sratch a bully, find a victim." What she meant by that phrase was that if you scratch through the mean surface, most bullies were once themselves victims of bullying or abuse. They don't know how to appropriately express their anger, so they take it out on weaker people.
Understanding the bully does not mean that we condone his actions. But perhaps knowing why he behaves as he does will help us to pray for him to change.
God is never a bully.
We are learning how to be gentle, and one way of doing that is to study God's character. He never bullies anyone.
The story of Job's suffering from significant losses and illness gives us a glimpse into God's character, as well as Job's. In spite of all the challenges that God allowed Job to endure, Job never blamed God for his afflictions.
Job said, "It's true that God is all-powerful, but he doesn't bully innocent people. For the wicked, though, it's a different story— he doesn't give them the time of day, but champions the rights of their victims. He never takes his eyes off the righteous; he honors them lavishly, promotes them endlessly. When things go badly, when affliction and suffering descend, God tells them where they've gone wrong, shows them how their pride has caused their trouble. He forces them to heed his warning, tells them they must repent of their bad life. If they obey and serve him, they'll have a good, long life on easy street. But if they disobey, they'll be cut down in their prime and never know the first thing about life. Angry people without God pile grievance upon grievance, always blaming others for their troubles. Living it up in sexual excesses, virility wasted, they die young. But those who learn from their suffering, God delivers from their suffering.
(Job 36:5 MSG)
Gentle people have learned from their mistakes.
The passage above shows us that we may, at times, come to the conclusion that our troubles were a result of someone else's evil actions or of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. In such instances, we can rely on God to help us understand, as Job did.
At other times, we may suffer as a result of our own sin or pride. During these instances, we must admit that we've gotten ourselves into a jam through our own errors. Then, we must humble ourselves, admit our mistakes, and learn from them. In the process, gentleness grows.
The bully does not take advantage of this learning curve. He remains angry with God, and he takes it out on everyone around him. He continues doing things his own way, without regard for whom he is hurting. His life rarely improves, because he refuses to look inward.
As survivors of abuse, we must make sure that we are continually looking inward. With a spirit of humility and reliance on God's grace, we can admit our faults so that we can grow ever more gentle. And when we encounter bullies, we can pray for them. Developing such wonderful understanding leads us even closer to the gentle spirit we desire.
Today's Challenge
Were you bullied as a child? Write down how you felt at the time and how you responded. What would you do differently today?
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Faithfulness Builds Security
We are in week seven of my nine-week series, Thriving in God’s Garden. It is based on Galatians 5:22, the 'fruit' of the Spirit. This week, we are learning about faithfulness, and today I would like to get you thinking about building security through faithfulness.
Kings are great diplomats.
Proverbs 20:28 (NIV) tells us, Love and faithfulness keep a king safe; through love his throne is made secure. Kings who are wise build strong alliances with their subjects, as well as neighboring countries, by treating others with benevolence and kindness. As a result, the people become endeared to a great leader and remain his loyal supporters.
Our faithfulness toward others builds loyalty.
When we faithfully treat our friends and family with love and kindness, just as the wise king did in the passage above, we become endeared to them. As a result, when we are sick or in trouble, we can count on our friends to help us. If we have friends who stand by us through life’s ups and downs, we are probably the type of people who have worked hard to earn that loyalty. We understand faithfulness.
As survivors, it is often difficult to remain faithful.
Many of us struggle with remaining faithful to our relationships, because abuse or trauma can make us fearful and controlling. This is a particularly common outcome in people who were sexually abused in early childhood. Having no control over our bodies when we were young keeps us perpetually on our toes to make sure that no one hurts us again.
The trouble with this type of hyper-vigilant behavior is that it pushes away the very people we most want as our loyal supporters. If they are honest with us, we may hear from them that we are very bossy, perfectionistic, demanding, or controlling. We may marry or make friends with people who tend to be very passive, because most other people can’t stand our need to be in charge.
Because we don’t know how to back off and let others be themselves, we often find it easier to leave a relationship than to remain faithful to it. While we yearn for security, we often unwittingly destroy it by running from our commitments.
The only person we can control is ourselves.
Abuse victims generally take one of three directions:
1) they become abusers;
2) they rescue others; or
3) they remain victims.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably working your way out of the third category, because you realize that being victimized for the rest of time is not a worthwhile endeavor. And my guess is that you’re probably not an abuser, or you wouldn’t be interested in what I have to say about surviving abuse.
That leaves most of us in that category of rescuing, which places us in a position of constantly searching for ways to improve everyone around us…even when they don’t ask for our help. This gets us into a great deal of trouble, because we focus too much on others’ faults and nowhere near enough on our own.
I had the privilege many years ago of attending Al-Anon for Adult Children of Alcoholics. There, I learned the slogan, detach with love. This concept made little sense to me at first, because I felt that it meant my abusers were no longer responsible for their actions if I quit trying to control them. But, eventually I figured out that to detach with love means that I must mind my own business and let others mind theirs. I must let go and let God help my abusers work out their own issues.
Quit rescuing and start living your own life.
When we quit trying to save the rest of the world from their problems, we discover that we have far more time and energy to devote to our own issues. Our relationships with friends and family members improve, because we are no longer annoying everyone we encounter with our unsolicited advice.
I know that detaching with love is a difficult task, because it has always been my greatest battle. When I control, I drive away the people I love the most. And when that happens, I feel really depressed. There are times when I have considered walking away from my life to live in solitude, because it feels as if it would simply be easier.
I would like to encourage you to work toward growing in the area of faithfulness. Instead of giving up on a spouse or a friend, find a way to detach with love. Get your own career off the ground and take your focus off your mate’s. Quit hovering over your children and free them to be themselves.
This detachment/faithfulness combination may feel as strange to you as breathing underwater, but I can tell you that it works to build the loyalty of friends and family members. I have found much greater peace by concerning myself with my own life and letting others live their own than I have ever found in trying to rescue or fix others’ problems.
Today’s Challenge
Are you a rescuer? Do you find yourself constantly nagging someone else to change or improve? Give up those behaviors and start looking inward for ways to build the fruit of the Spirit. Remain faithful to those you love and set them free to become whoever God created them to be. In doing so, you will create security within a network of supportive relationships.
Kings are great diplomats.
Proverbs 20:28 (NIV) tells us, Love and faithfulness keep a king safe; through love his throne is made secure. Kings who are wise build strong alliances with their subjects, as well as neighboring countries, by treating others with benevolence and kindness. As a result, the people become endeared to a great leader and remain his loyal supporters.
Our faithfulness toward others builds loyalty.
When we faithfully treat our friends and family with love and kindness, just as the wise king did in the passage above, we become endeared to them. As a result, when we are sick or in trouble, we can count on our friends to help us. If we have friends who stand by us through life’s ups and downs, we are probably the type of people who have worked hard to earn that loyalty. We understand faithfulness.
As survivors, it is often difficult to remain faithful.
Many of us struggle with remaining faithful to our relationships, because abuse or trauma can make us fearful and controlling. This is a particularly common outcome in people who were sexually abused in early childhood. Having no control over our bodies when we were young keeps us perpetually on our toes to make sure that no one hurts us again.
The trouble with this type of hyper-vigilant behavior is that it pushes away the very people we most want as our loyal supporters. If they are honest with us, we may hear from them that we are very bossy, perfectionistic, demanding, or controlling. We may marry or make friends with people who tend to be very passive, because most other people can’t stand our need to be in charge.
Because we don’t know how to back off and let others be themselves, we often find it easier to leave a relationship than to remain faithful to it. While we yearn for security, we often unwittingly destroy it by running from our commitments.
The only person we can control is ourselves.
Abuse victims generally take one of three directions:
1) they become abusers;
2) they rescue others; or
3) they remain victims.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably working your way out of the third category, because you realize that being victimized for the rest of time is not a worthwhile endeavor. And my guess is that you’re probably not an abuser, or you wouldn’t be interested in what I have to say about surviving abuse.
That leaves most of us in that category of rescuing, which places us in a position of constantly searching for ways to improve everyone around us…even when they don’t ask for our help. This gets us into a great deal of trouble, because we focus too much on others’ faults and nowhere near enough on our own.
I had the privilege many years ago of attending Al-Anon for Adult Children of Alcoholics. There, I learned the slogan, detach with love. This concept made little sense to me at first, because I felt that it meant my abusers were no longer responsible for their actions if I quit trying to control them. But, eventually I figured out that to detach with love means that I must mind my own business and let others mind theirs. I must let go and let God help my abusers work out their own issues.
Quit rescuing and start living your own life.
When we quit trying to save the rest of the world from their problems, we discover that we have far more time and energy to devote to our own issues. Our relationships with friends and family members improve, because we are no longer annoying everyone we encounter with our unsolicited advice.
I know that detaching with love is a difficult task, because it has always been my greatest battle. When I control, I drive away the people I love the most. And when that happens, I feel really depressed. There are times when I have considered walking away from my life to live in solitude, because it feels as if it would simply be easier.
I would like to encourage you to work toward growing in the area of faithfulness. Instead of giving up on a spouse or a friend, find a way to detach with love. Get your own career off the ground and take your focus off your mate’s. Quit hovering over your children and free them to be themselves.
This detachment/faithfulness combination may feel as strange to you as breathing underwater, but I can tell you that it works to build the loyalty of friends and family members. I have found much greater peace by concerning myself with my own life and letting others live their own than I have ever found in trying to rescue or fix others’ problems.
Today’s Challenge
Are you a rescuer? Do you find yourself constantly nagging someone else to change or improve? Give up those behaviors and start looking inward for ways to build the fruit of the Spirit. Remain faithful to those you love and set them free to become whoever God created them to be. In doing so, you will create security within a network of supportive relationships.
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