Give Yourself Credit for Past Successes

Welcome back to my series, Confident in God's Hands. We are learning how to build our self-esteem through practical changes which all of us can implement. Today, we are going to take a look at past successes.

Focus on the success, not the fear.
When I was a kindergarten teacher, I frequently encountered mothers who were very worried about their younger children, not the ones in my class. They would tell me that my current student had been potty trained early, and with little difficulty. But the sibling was months overdue...as far as the mother was concerned...in mastering the use of the potty.

I would always ask these mothers the same question: "Are you potty trained?"

They would inevitably laugh and say, "Of course!"

I would tell them, "You and I are both potty trained. Your kindergarten student is, too. The odds are good that this second child will eventually succeed...in his own time."

Like nervous mothers of pre-schoolers, we fear that we will never succeed at something which is important to us. We compare ourselves to others and become completely neurotic if we haven't done as well as our peers in the same period of time. This is ridiculous, and we must stop if we are going to ever achieve the success that God wants for us.

When does God want us to succeed?
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (MSG) tells us, There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth. God's timing always seems to be completely contrary to ours. We pin ourselves down to a schedule for succeeding and wind up making ourselves feel like failures when we don't reach our goals. This practice keeps us focused on failure, instead of success.

We must focus on our ability to succeed, not on our fears or our deadlines. Both can completely destroy our confidence. By looking back at our past successes and giving ourselves a little latitude with timing, we can think ourselves into future success.

Set goals, but remember past achievements, too.
It's great to set achievable goals and to put end dates on them, as long as we don't beat ourselves up if we're a little overdue. When we get hung up on what seems to be a failure, we must look back at what we've achieved.

After suffering a closed head injury a decade ago, I couldn't walk, talk, or type. Words came out of my mouth that made no sense, and my typing looked like Greek. I set goals for myself to quickly recover the abilities I had lost. God had something else in mind.

My recovery was anything but swift. It took me nine months to re-learn how to walk, talk, and type. I still struggle with residual issues, such as tremors and short-term memory loss. But today, when ongoing difficulties threaten to steal my confidence, I remind myself that I achieved some pretty big goals in the past. Focusing on those accomplishments gives me the courage to tackle whatever comes my way.

My mind is a powerful tool in this process, because I will get whatever I think I can do. If all I think of is failure, that's what I will continue to get. On the other hand, if I envision myself succeeding, I will most likely achieve my goals...when God thinks that the timing is right.

Celebrate both big and small successes.
Some successes may be big for us, such as learning to live at peace with a chronic illness, defeating the emotional pain caused by abuse, or bravely carrying the scars that remain after a traumatic event. Other successes may be little ones, such as dealing patiently with rude people, sitting peacefully in traffic jams, or recovering an important paper that was lost.

Whether our successes have been big or small, we must celebrate them all. If we're convinced that we'll never succeed at anything, we have to remember the little things, such as the fact that we're all potty trained. From that point onward, it becomes easier to remember that we are all successful, but in different ways and in God's time.

Today's Challenge
With pen and paper, sit down and list your lifetime achievements. It's easy to remember the big milestones, such as graduating from school or landing a job. But don't forget the small stuff, such as getting a gold star on a handwriting paper in third grade or befriending a new kid at school. When we add to this list daily and review it frequently, we bolster our confidence and empower ourselves to take on new challenges.

Arrive Early for Greater Confidence

As survivors of abuse and trauma, we frequently suffer from low self-esteem. We lack the confidence to move forward with our lives, so I've been writing about how we can become more courageous through my series, Confident in God's Hands.

The 10 Minute Rule
Consider how you feel when you find yourself running behind schedule. You look at your watch every few seconds as you crawl through heavy traffic on the way to work. You envision your boss glaring at you when you sneak in late. Every day, you seem to run about 10 minutes behind, no matter how hard you try to arrive on time.

I have a friend who never seemed to suffer from this frustration of running the race against the clock. Whenever we met, he was always there waiting for me, looking unruffled and relaxed. What was his secret?

He told me about The 10-Minute Rule. No matter where he planned to go or who he intended to meet, he always arrived 10 minutes ahead of schedule.

When I asked him how he managed to succeed at this, he said that he did time studies to figure out how long it took to get from his house to his destination. Then, he added a few extra minutes to account for traffic or poor weather. Because of this fudge factor, he sometimes arrived 20 minutes ahead of schedule, but he was never late.

I asked him what he did with those extra 10 or 20 minutes. To me, this seemed very unproductive. With a shrug, he smiled and said that he just sat there and relaxed.

We're so used to multi-tasking that this seems contrary to our upbringing. But recent studies have shown that multi-tasking is far less productive than just focusing on one thing at a time. My friend's practice of relaxing for a few minutes between appointments has kept him far happier and more confident than most of us probably are.

What does God have to say about arriving early?
God created us to live within the confines of time, and he expects us to make the most of our hours here on earth. The apostle Paul reminded the Romans of this. He was talking to them about getting ready for Christ's return, but I think it can generally be applied to our daily schedules. If we keep our sights on God's plans for us and make sure that we're using our time wisely, we will feel more confident doing his work.

Paul said, But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don't loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! (Romans 13:11 MSG)

Conduct a time study.
I have conducted my own time studies to figure out how long it takes me to get ready to leave the house. I have discovered over the years that no matter how many children, dogs, or phone calls are factored into the equation, it takes me at least two hours to shower, get dressed, feed the family, walk the dog, and hit the road.

We recently moved about 45 minutes outside of the city. Now, I have to add driving time to my equation. Sometimes I get delayed behind a farmer on a tractor, or believe it or not, a pair of tiny donkeys pulling a man in a miniature cart. In order to arrive 10 minutes early to all of my appointments, I allow myself 60 minutes for driving.

By giving ourselves these extra minutes and figuring in a little extra fudge factor, we can arrive at our destinations feeling more confident. When we approach our day this way, it reduces stress and boosts our self-esteem. We're no longer feeling like the flustered loser who's about to get fired for always arriving late.

Today's Challenge
For the next week, conduct your own time studies. Figure out how long it really takes you to get ready in the morning. Write down your start time and your end time. Do the same for your morning commute. When you have figured out how long it takes, add some extra time to allow for the unexpected. Then, plan to arrive 10 minutes early and add that to your formula.