We continue this week with my series, Confident in God's Hands. Through daily posts, I hope to encourage readers to restore the confidence that was lost through abuse or trauma.
Auto Pilot is supposed to be short-term.
Most jets are designed to include an auto pilot setting, which gives the pilot an opportunity to get out of his seat, walk to the bathroom, eat a meal, and stretch. By simply programming the aircraft to follow a specified course, he can momentarily forget about his duties.
Notice that I said he could momentarily set aside his duties. If the man set the auto pilot and then sat down in first class to sleep eight hours, he and the passengers could be in serious danger. They might overshoot their destination, run out of fuel, or collide with other aircraft.
Are we stuck on auto pilot?
If we have been abused for a very long time or if we've suffered a significant trauma, we tend to set our lives on auto pilot. Why? If our days have been unpredictable, the more stable we can make them, the better we feel.
While stability is a good thing, the problem with this auto pilot setting is that it can hurt us if we allow ourselves to stay on it for too long. We may feel safe by limiting ourselves to the confines of our homes, keeping to ourselves while out in public, and controlling the outcomes of most situations. However, we will never become confident as long as we stay on auto pilot.
God wants us to be bold.
Proverbs 28:1 (MSG) reads ...the righteous are as bold as a lion. God knows that we've been hurt. He was there during the abuse or trauma and in the aftermath of it. He offers us comfort for our pain, but eventually, he wants us to dry our eyes and get back to the business of living. He wants us to be bold, even after we've been hurt.
Like a pilot who's had a little break, there comes a time when we must return to our places. God put us here to carry out a mission, and we can't expect to fulfill his goals for us if we've set our lives on auto pilot. When we return to our rightful places, we discover that new challenges and successes give us opportunities to restore confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Is your life on auto pilot? Are you going to the same job, hanging out with the same old friends, and bypassing opportunities because it's safer than taking risks? Take a hard look at what you're doing and ask yourself if it's time to take a bold step into the unknown.
Showing posts with label rape survivors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rape survivors. Show all posts
Monday, June 27, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Arrive Early for Greater Confidence
As survivors of abuse and trauma, we frequently suffer from low self-esteem. We lack the confidence to move forward with our lives, so I've been writing about how we can become more courageous through my series, Confident in God's Hands.
The 10 Minute Rule
Consider how you feel when you find yourself running behind schedule. You look at your watch every few seconds as you crawl through heavy traffic on the way to work. You envision your boss glaring at you when you sneak in late. Every day, you seem to run about 10 minutes behind, no matter how hard you try to arrive on time.
I have a friend who never seemed to suffer from this frustration of running the race against the clock. Whenever we met, he was always there waiting for me, looking unruffled and relaxed. What was his secret?
He told me about The 10-Minute Rule. No matter where he planned to go or who he intended to meet, he always arrived 10 minutes ahead of schedule.
When I asked him how he managed to succeed at this, he said that he did time studies to figure out how long it took to get from his house to his destination. Then, he added a few extra minutes to account for traffic or poor weather. Because of this fudge factor, he sometimes arrived 20 minutes ahead of schedule, but he was never late.
I asked him what he did with those extra 10 or 20 minutes. To me, this seemed very unproductive. With a shrug, he smiled and said that he just sat there and relaxed.
We're so used to multi-tasking that this seems contrary to our upbringing. But recent studies have shown that multi-tasking is far less productive than just focusing on one thing at a time. My friend's practice of relaxing for a few minutes between appointments has kept him far happier and more confident than most of us probably are.
What does God have to say about arriving early?
God created us to live within the confines of time, and he expects us to make the most of our hours here on earth. The apostle Paul reminded the Romans of this. He was talking to them about getting ready for Christ's return, but I think it can generally be applied to our daily schedules. If we keep our sights on God's plans for us and make sure that we're using our time wisely, we will feel more confident doing his work.
Paul said, But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don't loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! (Romans 13:11 MSG)
Conduct a time study.
I have conducted my own time studies to figure out how long it takes me to get ready to leave the house. I have discovered over the years that no matter how many children, dogs, or phone calls are factored into the equation, it takes me at least two hours to shower, get dressed, feed the family, walk the dog, and hit the road.
We recently moved about 45 minutes outside of the city. Now, I have to add driving time to my equation. Sometimes I get delayed behind a farmer on a tractor, or believe it or not, a pair of tiny donkeys pulling a man in a miniature cart. In order to arrive 10 minutes early to all of my appointments, I allow myself 60 minutes for driving.
By giving ourselves these extra minutes and figuring in a little extra fudge factor, we can arrive at our destinations feeling more confident. When we approach our day this way, it reduces stress and boosts our self-esteem. We're no longer feeling like the flustered loser who's about to get fired for always arriving late.
Today's Challenge
For the next week, conduct your own time studies. Figure out how long it really takes you to get ready in the morning. Write down your start time and your end time. Do the same for your morning commute. When you have figured out how long it takes, add some extra time to allow for the unexpected. Then, plan to arrive 10 minutes early and add that to your formula.
The 10 Minute Rule
Consider how you feel when you find yourself running behind schedule. You look at your watch every few seconds as you crawl through heavy traffic on the way to work. You envision your boss glaring at you when you sneak in late. Every day, you seem to run about 10 minutes behind, no matter how hard you try to arrive on time.
I have a friend who never seemed to suffer from this frustration of running the race against the clock. Whenever we met, he was always there waiting for me, looking unruffled and relaxed. What was his secret?
He told me about The 10-Minute Rule. No matter where he planned to go or who he intended to meet, he always arrived 10 minutes ahead of schedule.
When I asked him how he managed to succeed at this, he said that he did time studies to figure out how long it took to get from his house to his destination. Then, he added a few extra minutes to account for traffic or poor weather. Because of this fudge factor, he sometimes arrived 20 minutes ahead of schedule, but he was never late.
I asked him what he did with those extra 10 or 20 minutes. To me, this seemed very unproductive. With a shrug, he smiled and said that he just sat there and relaxed.
We're so used to multi-tasking that this seems contrary to our upbringing. But recent studies have shown that multi-tasking is far less productive than just focusing on one thing at a time. My friend's practice of relaxing for a few minutes between appointments has kept him far happier and more confident than most of us probably are.
What does God have to say about arriving early?
God created us to live within the confines of time, and he expects us to make the most of our hours here on earth. The apostle Paul reminded the Romans of this. He was talking to them about getting ready for Christ's return, but I think it can generally be applied to our daily schedules. If we keep our sights on God's plans for us and make sure that we're using our time wisely, we will feel more confident doing his work.
Paul said, But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don't loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! (Romans 13:11 MSG)
Conduct a time study.
I have conducted my own time studies to figure out how long it takes me to get ready to leave the house. I have discovered over the years that no matter how many children, dogs, or phone calls are factored into the equation, it takes me at least two hours to shower, get dressed, feed the family, walk the dog, and hit the road.
We recently moved about 45 minutes outside of the city. Now, I have to add driving time to my equation. Sometimes I get delayed behind a farmer on a tractor, or believe it or not, a pair of tiny donkeys pulling a man in a miniature cart. In order to arrive 10 minutes early to all of my appointments, I allow myself 60 minutes for driving.
By giving ourselves these extra minutes and figuring in a little extra fudge factor, we can arrive at our destinations feeling more confident. When we approach our day this way, it reduces stress and boosts our self-esteem. We're no longer feeling like the flustered loser who's about to get fired for always arriving late.
Today's Challenge
For the next week, conduct your own time studies. Figure out how long it really takes you to get ready in the morning. Write down your start time and your end time. Do the same for your morning commute. When you have figured out how long it takes, add some extra time to allow for the unexpected. Then, plan to arrive 10 minutes early and add that to your formula.
Friday, April 29, 2011
God is Kind When He Disciplines Us
We conclude this week with one final lesson on kindness. This is a continuation of my nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden. It is based on the fruit of the Spirit, found in Galatians 5:22. Next week, we will learn about goodness.
God's kindness often goes together with discipline.
We have learned this week that God is kind. He cares for us when we are in trouble, and he shows us kindnesses when we don't deserve it. We must remember, however, that God is not lopsidedly kind, no matter what. If we break his commands, we can count on being disciplined, but we can be sure that God will sprinkle in a little kindness with the upbraiding.
Romans 11:21 (MSG) reads, If God didn't think twice about taking pruning shears to the natural branches, why would he hesitate over you? He wouldn't give it a second thought. Make sure you stay alert to these qualities of gentle kindness and ruthless severity that exist side by side in God—ruthless with the deadwood, gentle with the grafted shoot. But don't presume on this gentleness. The moment you become deadwood, you're out of there.
This passage points out the importance of remaining true to God's Word by acting in ways that are acceptable to him. If we claim to be Christians, but we act as if we know nothing about God's commands, we'll become deadwood that he'll prune away and throw into the fire.
If we have received the Holy Spirit through belief in Christ and baptism, the Spirit will lead us to want to please God. A person who is walking with God in truth shows by his outward behavior that he belongs to God. People who have not received the Spirit struggle to behave well, because our human nature drives us to sin.
Are you a grafted shoot, firmly rooted in God's ways or deadwood at risk of being burned in the fire?
Our kindness toward our own children must include discipline, too.
As parents, we know that showing our children only kindnesses will inevitably result in kids who are spoiled brats. There is an old saying that good leaders/parents rule with an iron fist in a velvet glove. In other words, we must be firm with our children and discipline them when necessary. But we must also love them and show them kindnesses so that they won't become discouraged by the discipline.
As survivors of abuse, many of us grew up with only harsh discipline or very little of the kindnesses. Don't make the common mistake of going overboard with your children, spoiling them and withholding discipline. Discipline is not the same as abuse, even though it may have felt like that to us when we were small.
Today's Challenge
Consider times when God has disciplined you. What kindnesses did he show you while he was correcting you? How have you been disciplining your own children? If you've been harsh, begin adding in a little kindness along the way. If you've been too lenient, step up the discipline.
God's kindness often goes together with discipline.
We have learned this week that God is kind. He cares for us when we are in trouble, and he shows us kindnesses when we don't deserve it. We must remember, however, that God is not lopsidedly kind, no matter what. If we break his commands, we can count on being disciplined, but we can be sure that God will sprinkle in a little kindness with the upbraiding.
Romans 11:21 (MSG) reads, If God didn't think twice about taking pruning shears to the natural branches, why would he hesitate over you? He wouldn't give it a second thought. Make sure you stay alert to these qualities of gentle kindness and ruthless severity that exist side by side in God—ruthless with the deadwood, gentle with the grafted shoot. But don't presume on this gentleness. The moment you become deadwood, you're out of there.
This passage points out the importance of remaining true to God's Word by acting in ways that are acceptable to him. If we claim to be Christians, but we act as if we know nothing about God's commands, we'll become deadwood that he'll prune away and throw into the fire.
If we have received the Holy Spirit through belief in Christ and baptism, the Spirit will lead us to want to please God. A person who is walking with God in truth shows by his outward behavior that he belongs to God. People who have not received the Spirit struggle to behave well, because our human nature drives us to sin.
Are you a grafted shoot, firmly rooted in God's ways or deadwood at risk of being burned in the fire?
Our kindness toward our own children must include discipline, too.
As parents, we know that showing our children only kindnesses will inevitably result in kids who are spoiled brats. There is an old saying that good leaders/parents rule with an iron fist in a velvet glove. In other words, we must be firm with our children and discipline them when necessary. But we must also love them and show them kindnesses so that they won't become discouraged by the discipline.
As survivors of abuse, many of us grew up with only harsh discipline or very little of the kindnesses. Don't make the common mistake of going overboard with your children, spoiling them and withholding discipline. Discipline is not the same as abuse, even though it may have felt like that to us when we were small.
Today's Challenge
Consider times when God has disciplined you. What kindnesses did he show you while he was correcting you? How have you been disciplining your own children? If you've been harsh, begin adding in a little kindness along the way. If you've been too lenient, step up the discipline.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Unworthy of Kindness
Thank you for joining me today as we continue with my series, Thriving in God's Garden. I would like to reflect on a passage of Scripture from Genesis 32:10. It is a prayer that was spoken by Jacob, one of ancient Israel's greatest leaders. It reads, I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups.
Jacob had done a lot of things in his lifetime to merit God's wrath. He tricked his own brother out of his inheritance, and he came up with a clever scheme of breeding livestock so that he became wealthier than his father-in-law, who was his business partner.
Jacob certainly didn't deserve God's kindness, but he received it anyway. He wound up with two wives and so many children that they actually made up two large groups of people.
As humans, we often consider what is fair. God, however, sometimes surprises us by blessing people who are unworthy, as Jacob was.
Is someone in your life unworthy of kindness?
As survivors of abuse, we often view our perpetrators as less worthy than anyone else of receiving kindness. We don't think God should give it to them, and we certainly aren't knocking ourselves out to express it to them.
I have been finding it extremely difficult to think of ways to express kindness to my parents right now. They are angry. For months, they have been blaming me for my father's jail sentence after he molested several children in the family. My mother is a powder keg, igniting in anger with little or no provocation toward family members who try to talk to her. I struggle with the mistaken belief that my parents are not worthy of love or kindness.
How do we express kindness to unworthy people?
It is difficult to understand why God made Jacob rich beyond his wildest dreams, considering that he was a con artist and a liar. Nevertheless, God showed him kindness. Why? Because he loved Jacob, just as he loves all of his children.
No one is worthy of God's love and kindness. I certainly am not. I may not be a con artist, a child molester, or convicted criminal, but I sure have acted in ways that have disappointed God over the years. My greatest fault has probably been an inability to forgive swiftly and completely. I'm still working on that.
But when I consider that God is kind to me, even when I don't deserve it, it makes me realize that I ought to be kind to others who don't seem worthy. My mother's brother died this week, and I finally let down my guard long enough to sign a sympathy card and mail it to her. When I considered how sad she must be, I simply couldn't withhold love any longer.
Perhaps the card will spawn more verbal abuse out of my mother. I hope not, but it was a risk I felt that I needed to take. I spend an inordinate amount of time making quilts to comfort families who have lost loved ones. I felt that sending my own mother a card was the least I could do. Perhaps this act of kindness will be received as a peace offering.
Whether we think that a person is worthy of kindness or not, God always believes that they are. He sees the orignal creation, before the world left its mark on the children he designed. Whenever possible, we must find ways to express kindness to all of God's people, because he gives it so freely to us.
Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who seems unworthy of kindness? If it is safe to do so, find a way to express God's love to them. Send a card, carry out a small act of service, or call them to say hello. If you're having trouble accepting the fact that they are worthy, remember that no one is worthy of God's love, but he expresses it through kindnesses anyway.
Jacob had done a lot of things in his lifetime to merit God's wrath. He tricked his own brother out of his inheritance, and he came up with a clever scheme of breeding livestock so that he became wealthier than his father-in-law, who was his business partner.
Jacob certainly didn't deserve God's kindness, but he received it anyway. He wound up with two wives and so many children that they actually made up two large groups of people.
As humans, we often consider what is fair. God, however, sometimes surprises us by blessing people who are unworthy, as Jacob was.
Is someone in your life unworthy of kindness?
As survivors of abuse, we often view our perpetrators as less worthy than anyone else of receiving kindness. We don't think God should give it to them, and we certainly aren't knocking ourselves out to express it to them.
I have been finding it extremely difficult to think of ways to express kindness to my parents right now. They are angry. For months, they have been blaming me for my father's jail sentence after he molested several children in the family. My mother is a powder keg, igniting in anger with little or no provocation toward family members who try to talk to her. I struggle with the mistaken belief that my parents are not worthy of love or kindness.
How do we express kindness to unworthy people?
It is difficult to understand why God made Jacob rich beyond his wildest dreams, considering that he was a con artist and a liar. Nevertheless, God showed him kindness. Why? Because he loved Jacob, just as he loves all of his children.
No one is worthy of God's love and kindness. I certainly am not. I may not be a con artist, a child molester, or convicted criminal, but I sure have acted in ways that have disappointed God over the years. My greatest fault has probably been an inability to forgive swiftly and completely. I'm still working on that.
But when I consider that God is kind to me, even when I don't deserve it, it makes me realize that I ought to be kind to others who don't seem worthy. My mother's brother died this week, and I finally let down my guard long enough to sign a sympathy card and mail it to her. When I considered how sad she must be, I simply couldn't withhold love any longer.
Perhaps the card will spawn more verbal abuse out of my mother. I hope not, but it was a risk I felt that I needed to take. I spend an inordinate amount of time making quilts to comfort families who have lost loved ones. I felt that sending my own mother a card was the least I could do. Perhaps this act of kindness will be received as a peace offering.
Whether we think that a person is worthy of kindness or not, God always believes that they are. He sees the orignal creation, before the world left its mark on the children he designed. Whenever possible, we must find ways to express kindness to all of God's people, because he gives it so freely to us.
Today's Challenge
Is there someone in your life who seems unworthy of kindness? If it is safe to do so, find a way to express God's love to them. Send a card, carry out a small act of service, or call them to say hello. If you're having trouble accepting the fact that they are worthy, remember that no one is worthy of God's love, but he expresses it through kindnesses anyway.
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