As abuse and trauma survivors, we frequently find ourselves living in two different worlds. While we go about our daily lives, our minds unexpectedly take us back to the moment of trauma. I used to feel as if I were losing my mind, but now I know that this double life is often the norm for people with PTSD.
I experience this dual existence every day. It usually occurs when I'm doing something mindless, such as laundry or dishes. The triggers that send me back to thoughts of the past come in many forms...a song on the radio, the peach I'm peeling, a phone call from a family member, an old photograph, or anything else that reminds me of past trauma.
Even a pleasant memory can trigger feelings of depression and helplessness. Joe and I were listening to big band on the radio this morning. The words reminded me of a phrase my former mother-in-law used to say. She was very kind to me, and I loved her very much. But thoughts of her inevitably led me to memories of my ex-husband. In an instant, I was reliving the overwhelming sense of helplessness that occurs in abusive relationships.
I experienced significant, ongoing abuse for the first 40 years of my life. For me, triggers are everywhere. I can't avoid them, but I can manage them. When I come back to my present life from those intrusive memories, I have to remind myself that I am safe now. It's important for me to keep my mind engaged in the present with activities that require concentration.
Spending too much time alone with nothing to do is not good for me. Solitude and boredom are fertile ground where triggers grow out of proportion. Staying involved in projects and focusing on the blessings God has given me are helpful methods for rooting myself in my present reality.
Are you living a double life? If memories are intruding and causing problems with daily activities and relationships, consider talking with a qualified therapist who can help you manage the pain of your past.
Showing posts with label childhood sexual abuse survivors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childhood sexual abuse survivors. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Decorate to Express Your Personality
As survivors of abuse and trauma, we are learning how to become more confident during my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, we take a look at how we express ourselves with our decorating style.
Does your interior decor express the true you?
Cleanliness and organization are pretty basic, so let's delve deeper into how we express ourselves through the design of our homes and work places. Do both your home and your work space give people an idea of who you are? Or are you expressing your spouse's personality more than your own? Do you even know enough about yourself to say that you prefer certain styles over others?
When we moved to our lake house a couple of years ago, I decided that I was not going to allow Joe's tastes in interior design to overshadow mine. He loves heavy, claw-footed antiques, dark fabrics, and leather. This style feels oppressive to me, and I had been living with it for nearly ten years.
There's an enormous rose bush with hot pink blooms growing outside our front door, so I decided that I would extend that theme into the house. No, I didn't paint all of the walls pink, but I do believe that my house says a lot about who I am.
I have always loved the English cottage style, so I chose lace curtains, cotton fabrics with roses on them, and subtle shades of gold, green, wine, and pink in every room. The only room that does not include pink is Joe's study, where his heavy, clawfoot desk remains with his dark cherry book shelves.
My house is both my home and my work space. By making it a place where I feel that I can express myself freely through the decorating style, I have become more confident when people come to visit.
Today's Challenge
Do you feel at home in your house or work place? Of have you allowed someone else's tastes to dictate how it will look? Did a designer convince you to decorate in a way that makes you feel out of sorts? Do whatever it takes to make your house and your work environment put you at ease. Feeling confident in your own surroundings puts you on the path of success every time you walk through the door.
Does your interior decor express the true you?
Cleanliness and organization are pretty basic, so let's delve deeper into how we express ourselves through the design of our homes and work places. Do both your home and your work space give people an idea of who you are? Or are you expressing your spouse's personality more than your own? Do you even know enough about yourself to say that you prefer certain styles over others?
When we moved to our lake house a couple of years ago, I decided that I was not going to allow Joe's tastes in interior design to overshadow mine. He loves heavy, claw-footed antiques, dark fabrics, and leather. This style feels oppressive to me, and I had been living with it for nearly ten years.
There's an enormous rose bush with hot pink blooms growing outside our front door, so I decided that I would extend that theme into the house. No, I didn't paint all of the walls pink, but I do believe that my house says a lot about who I am.
I have always loved the English cottage style, so I chose lace curtains, cotton fabrics with roses on them, and subtle shades of gold, green, wine, and pink in every room. The only room that does not include pink is Joe's study, where his heavy, clawfoot desk remains with his dark cherry book shelves.
My house is both my home and my work space. By making it a place where I feel that I can express myself freely through the decorating style, I have become more confident when people come to visit.
Today's Challenge
Do you feel at home in your house or work place? Of have you allowed someone else's tastes to dictate how it will look? Did a designer convince you to decorate in a way that makes you feel out of sorts? Do whatever it takes to make your house and your work environment put you at ease. Feeling confident in your own surroundings puts you on the path of success every time you walk through the door.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Learn to Say No
We're learning about gaining confidence in my series, Confident in God's Hands. I've pointed out that we may often get ourselves involved in chaotic relationships, jobs, or other situations which make us feel as if all we're doing is putting out fires. Today, I'd like to provide some simple ways to help you learn how to quit the fire department.
Assertiveness 101
As a Stephen Minister, the first thing I learned was that we must be assertive. Without the skills to say no to some things, we can get ourselves into some really unhealthy situations.
When I was working with care receivers, there was no way I could say yes to all of their demands. They were terribly needy people, and giving all of my time and energy to them would have drained me completely.
I had never been assertive in my life, and that's why I had fallen victim to so many abusers over the years. Stephen Ministry training changed everything for me, because it taught me how to stand up for myself and set boundaries.
Do's and Don'ts When Saying No
Becoming assertive is a lot easier than we believe it to be. We create limits for ourselves, and when someone asks us to do something beyond those limits, we simply say no. When we have to tell someone that we cannot fulfill their request on our time, there are some things we should do and some things we should not.
First of all, we tell them up front that we're declining their request.
For example, I may decide that I don't want to attend a party for someone I barely know. The right way to assertively decline the invitation would sound like this: "Susie, I'm calling to say that I won't be able to make it to your party. Thank you for inviting me. I hope you have a good time." Simple, to the point, and perfectly assertive.
An inappropriate response could swing in one of two directions. We can become overly aggressive and come across as angry, which doesn't do anything for our relationships with others, even if we don't know them well. An aggressive response would go like this: "Susie, I don't know why on earth you thought I would ever consider coming to your party. I don't even know you. I'm not coming, and I don't want you ever calling me again." Way too harsh, with unwarranted anger.
As survivors of abuse, we tend to swing in the opposite direction and come across as completely passive. The phone call would sound like this: "Hi, Susie. How are you?" We'd listen to her telling us all about her life for ten minutes, all the while squirming about how she's going to react when we tell her we aren't coming to her party.
Eventually, we'd say in a wimpy little voice, "I really want to come to your party. I know it's going to be such fun. I'm so sorry, but I really can't be there. You see, I've got to groom the dog, take the kids to a soccer game, bake a cake for my mother-in-lawy's birthday party, and call all of the members of the PTA about the meeting next week. If I just had more time, I'd just love to be there." Too apologetic, too many excuses, and incredibly cowardly.
Our passive phone call opens the door to Susie talking us into coming to her party, even though we're already over-committed. We end up going to it, all the while checking our watch because we're late for picking up the kids from their game, and we're worried about baking a cake and talking to all of the PTA members. We feel miserable about being at the party, and perhaps anger toward Susie causes us to behave grumpily with her guests.
What does God think about assertiveness?
In ancient Israel, a young Jewish woman named Esther was chosen from among thousands of beauties to become the queen. Because she was both insightful and confident, she knew how to make an assertive request from the fearsome king, who often put people to death just for walking into his throne room. She waited for the right moment to talk to him.
An evil man in the king's service had issued a decree that all Jews must be killed, including Esther. The king was unaware that the order would bring Esther's life to an end. Esther 7:3-4 (MSG) provides us with an excellent example of assertiveness:
Queen Esther answered, "If I have found favor in your eyes, O King, and if it please the king, give me my life, and give my people their lives. We've been sold, I and my people, to be destroyed—sold to be massacred, eliminated. If we had just been sold off into slavery, I wouldn't even have brought it up; our troubles wouldn't have been worth bothering the king over."
Esther waits for an opportune time and then states her request up front. She wants the king to spare her life and the lives of her fellow Jews. She explains what has happened and why it is important to her. Then she shuts up and waits for the king's response. Within minutes, the king orders the man who was responsible for the decree to be executed.
Esther went down in history as one of the most confident and courageous women of all time. She chose the right moment to speak, and she did so assertively. No apologies, no long explanations, just the facts combined with some respect. This is a perfect example of assertiveness, and if we can learn to imitate it, we can show others that they must treat us with the same degree of respect that we have for ourselves.
The Three Rules of Assertiveness
God wants us to be as assertive as Esther was. When we make requests of people or decline their demands on our time, it is important to remember three things:
1) We must choose an opportune time to respectfully state our limits clearly and succinctly up front;
2) We must never apologize for setting boundaries around ourselves; and
3) We must not provide excuses or long explanations for our requests.
All of us can become more assertive by following this simple three-step process. It changed my life, and I'm certain it will change yours if you're willing to give it a try.
Today's Challenge
If you're really wimpy about setting boundaries around yourself and your time, find a friend to help you role-play assertive conversations. Act out the overly aggressive response and have some good laughs. Try on the passive conversation and discover how much you have used it in the past. Then, give the assertive approach your best effort, and find out how it feels. With a little practice, you'll soon see how easy it is to get what you need without feeling guilty or angry.
Assertiveness 101
As a Stephen Minister, the first thing I learned was that we must be assertive. Without the skills to say no to some things, we can get ourselves into some really unhealthy situations.
When I was working with care receivers, there was no way I could say yes to all of their demands. They were terribly needy people, and giving all of my time and energy to them would have drained me completely.
I had never been assertive in my life, and that's why I had fallen victim to so many abusers over the years. Stephen Ministry training changed everything for me, because it taught me how to stand up for myself and set boundaries.
Do's and Don'ts When Saying No
Becoming assertive is a lot easier than we believe it to be. We create limits for ourselves, and when someone asks us to do something beyond those limits, we simply say no. When we have to tell someone that we cannot fulfill their request on our time, there are some things we should do and some things we should not.
First of all, we tell them up front that we're declining their request.
For example, I may decide that I don't want to attend a party for someone I barely know. The right way to assertively decline the invitation would sound like this: "Susie, I'm calling to say that I won't be able to make it to your party. Thank you for inviting me. I hope you have a good time." Simple, to the point, and perfectly assertive.
An inappropriate response could swing in one of two directions. We can become overly aggressive and come across as angry, which doesn't do anything for our relationships with others, even if we don't know them well. An aggressive response would go like this: "Susie, I don't know why on earth you thought I would ever consider coming to your party. I don't even know you. I'm not coming, and I don't want you ever calling me again." Way too harsh, with unwarranted anger.
As survivors of abuse, we tend to swing in the opposite direction and come across as completely passive. The phone call would sound like this: "Hi, Susie. How are you?" We'd listen to her telling us all about her life for ten minutes, all the while squirming about how she's going to react when we tell her we aren't coming to her party.
Eventually, we'd say in a wimpy little voice, "I really want to come to your party. I know it's going to be such fun. I'm so sorry, but I really can't be there. You see, I've got to groom the dog, take the kids to a soccer game, bake a cake for my mother-in-lawy's birthday party, and call all of the members of the PTA about the meeting next week. If I just had more time, I'd just love to be there." Too apologetic, too many excuses, and incredibly cowardly.
Our passive phone call opens the door to Susie talking us into coming to her party, even though we're already over-committed. We end up going to it, all the while checking our watch because we're late for picking up the kids from their game, and we're worried about baking a cake and talking to all of the PTA members. We feel miserable about being at the party, and perhaps anger toward Susie causes us to behave grumpily with her guests.
What does God think about assertiveness?
In ancient Israel, a young Jewish woman named Esther was chosen from among thousands of beauties to become the queen. Because she was both insightful and confident, she knew how to make an assertive request from the fearsome king, who often put people to death just for walking into his throne room. She waited for the right moment to talk to him.
An evil man in the king's service had issued a decree that all Jews must be killed, including Esther. The king was unaware that the order would bring Esther's life to an end. Esther 7:3-4 (MSG) provides us with an excellent example of assertiveness:
Queen Esther answered, "If I have found favor in your eyes, O King, and if it please the king, give me my life, and give my people their lives. We've been sold, I and my people, to be destroyed—sold to be massacred, eliminated. If we had just been sold off into slavery, I wouldn't even have brought it up; our troubles wouldn't have been worth bothering the king over."
Esther waits for an opportune time and then states her request up front. She wants the king to spare her life and the lives of her fellow Jews. She explains what has happened and why it is important to her. Then she shuts up and waits for the king's response. Within minutes, the king orders the man who was responsible for the decree to be executed.
Esther went down in history as one of the most confident and courageous women of all time. She chose the right moment to speak, and she did so assertively. No apologies, no long explanations, just the facts combined with some respect. This is a perfect example of assertiveness, and if we can learn to imitate it, we can show others that they must treat us with the same degree of respect that we have for ourselves.
The Three Rules of Assertiveness
God wants us to be as assertive as Esther was. When we make requests of people or decline their demands on our time, it is important to remember three things:
1) We must choose an opportune time to respectfully state our limits clearly and succinctly up front;
2) We must never apologize for setting boundaries around ourselves; and
3) We must not provide excuses or long explanations for our requests.
All of us can become more assertive by following this simple three-step process. It changed my life, and I'm certain it will change yours if you're willing to give it a try.
Today's Challenge
If you're really wimpy about setting boundaries around yourself and your time, find a friend to help you role-play assertive conversations. Act out the overly aggressive response and have some good laughs. Try on the passive conversation and discover how much you have used it in the past. Then, give the assertive approach your best effort, and find out how it feels. With a little practice, you'll soon see how easy it is to get what you need without feeling guilty or angry.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Quit the Fire Department
We continue with my series, Confident in God's Hands, with a look at our reactions to challenges in life. If we want to become more confident, we need to reconsider how we respond to chaos.
A fireman's life
A friend of mine is a fireman, and he leads a much different life from the rest of us. At times, it is difficult to connect with him, because he's on duty at the fire station. He keeps busy there, maintaining the equipment and training for emergencies.
When the buzzer sounds at the station, my friend rushes off with his team to fires, car accidents, floods, downed trees, and many other emergencies. He doesn't mind doing the maintenance work, but he lives for the rush he feels whenever that alarm goes off.
Are you a chaos junkie?
If we've been victims of abuse or trauma, we are very much like my friend, the fireman. The constant turmoil of our past causes us to crave more of the same. Even though we know it's not healthy for us to live like this, we unwittingly do whatever it takes to replicate the crisis-centered life we once knew.
We may leave an abusive marriage and then connect with another partner who is equally unkind to us. Or we may attempt to create a lifestyle full of 'adventure,' which everyone else can clearly see is a thin veil for chaos.
None of us does this intentionally. It's just part of the way we're wired. Abuse or trauma has programmed our brains to look for more emergencies, just as my fireman friend does. We feel antsy unless we're racing from one disaster to another.
If we do find our way out of an abusive situation or we survive something as traumatic as combat, we may look for other ways to create emotional chaos. We choose jobs that feel similar to our abusive or traumatic past, such as that of fireman, emergency room doctor, soldier, or inner-city social worker.
If our jobs don't give us the rush we're seeking, we volunteer our services in places where there is an element of danger. If we can't find the thrill we seek through relationships, work or volunteerism, we constantly rescue people who don't have the sense to run from fire. Whatever it takes, we find a way to add some chaos back into our days.
God doesn't want us playing with fire.
What does God think about our penchant for playing with fire? The prophet, Isaiah, told the nation of Israel, Who out there fears God, actually listens to the voice of his servant? For anyone out there who doesn't know where you're going, anyone groping in the dark, Here's what: Trust in God. Lean on your God! But if all you're after is making trouble, playing with fire, Go ahead and see where it gets you. Set your fires, stir people up, blow on the flames, But don't expect me to just stand there and watch. I'll hold your feet to those flames. (Isaiah 50:10 MSG)
For the past year, I have been writing about the importance of discovering God's plan for our lives and following it. Sometimes, I feel as frustrated as Isaiah when I meet people who have no clue why they're on earth. I suspect that many of them are so frazzled from running around and putting out fires that they can't think straight. I also suspect that quite a few of them are setting the fires in the first place.
Until we step back from the chaos of our lives and identify the fires, we'll be forever compelled to chase down the smoke. God has beautiful plans for our future, but we've got to quit the fire department first.
Today's Challenge
Are you chasing fires? Or are you actually setting them? Take some time to step back and assess what you're doing with your life. If you're a chaos junkie, find a professional counselor who can help you to identify how you're wasting your time with fires and then get on with the plans God has for your future.
A fireman's life
A friend of mine is a fireman, and he leads a much different life from the rest of us. At times, it is difficult to connect with him, because he's on duty at the fire station. He keeps busy there, maintaining the equipment and training for emergencies.
When the buzzer sounds at the station, my friend rushes off with his team to fires, car accidents, floods, downed trees, and many other emergencies. He doesn't mind doing the maintenance work, but he lives for the rush he feels whenever that alarm goes off.
Are you a chaos junkie?
If we've been victims of abuse or trauma, we are very much like my friend, the fireman. The constant turmoil of our past causes us to crave more of the same. Even though we know it's not healthy for us to live like this, we unwittingly do whatever it takes to replicate the crisis-centered life we once knew.
We may leave an abusive marriage and then connect with another partner who is equally unkind to us. Or we may attempt to create a lifestyle full of 'adventure,' which everyone else can clearly see is a thin veil for chaos.
None of us does this intentionally. It's just part of the way we're wired. Abuse or trauma has programmed our brains to look for more emergencies, just as my fireman friend does. We feel antsy unless we're racing from one disaster to another.
If we do find our way out of an abusive situation or we survive something as traumatic as combat, we may look for other ways to create emotional chaos. We choose jobs that feel similar to our abusive or traumatic past, such as that of fireman, emergency room doctor, soldier, or inner-city social worker.
If our jobs don't give us the rush we're seeking, we volunteer our services in places where there is an element of danger. If we can't find the thrill we seek through relationships, work or volunteerism, we constantly rescue people who don't have the sense to run from fire. Whatever it takes, we find a way to add some chaos back into our days.
God doesn't want us playing with fire.
What does God think about our penchant for playing with fire? The prophet, Isaiah, told the nation of Israel, Who out there fears God, actually listens to the voice of his servant? For anyone out there who doesn't know where you're going, anyone groping in the dark, Here's what: Trust in God. Lean on your God! But if all you're after is making trouble, playing with fire, Go ahead and see where it gets you. Set your fires, stir people up, blow on the flames, But don't expect me to just stand there and watch. I'll hold your feet to those flames. (Isaiah 50:10 MSG)
For the past year, I have been writing about the importance of discovering God's plan for our lives and following it. Sometimes, I feel as frustrated as Isaiah when I meet people who have no clue why they're on earth. I suspect that many of them are so frazzled from running around and putting out fires that they can't think straight. I also suspect that quite a few of them are setting the fires in the first place.
Until we step back from the chaos of our lives and identify the fires, we'll be forever compelled to chase down the smoke. God has beautiful plans for our future, but we've got to quit the fire department first.
Today's Challenge
Are you chasing fires? Or are you actually setting them? Take some time to step back and assess what you're doing with your life. If you're a chaos junkie, find a professional counselor who can help you to identify how you're wasting your time with fires and then get on with the plans God has for your future.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
What Are You Tolerating?
We are learning how to become more confident during my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I'd like to consider how some things which we're tolerating may be holding us back from achieving our dreams.
The Billy Goat
When Joe and I decided to move to the country, we found a large lot at a lake. All that grass would require a much larger mower than our little push model, so we bought a commercial walk-behind. The Billy Goat was supposed to cut over an acre in an hour.
Joe quickly discovered that "Billy" was as disagreeable and stubborn as most live goats. He was headstrong and took off running when Joe was unprepared for the jolt that nearly yanked him off his feet. Billy sometimes ate things he wasn't supposed to, and over time, he only chewed up half of the grass that Joe wanted him to eat.
It was a love/hate relationship from the outset. Joe loved the idea of having a powerful mower with a wide cutting deck, but he hated Billy's performance.
I suggested selling Billy and replacing him with something better, but Joe insisted on trying harder to make Billy tow the line. Why? He doubted that we could sell Billy for enough money to pay for a riding mower, which he would have preferred.
After two years, Billy finally did himself in. He refused to eat the grass at all. So, I put an ad online to sell him, and we went in search of a new mower. Within 24 hours, Billy found a new home with a man whom I am sure will make him behave. We found a refurbished riding mower, and it cost exactly the same amount of money that we received for selling Billy.
Joe's fear that we would lose money prevented him from enjoying what he really wanted. When he finally let go of that old way of thinking, God immediately blessed him with something better. Joe was whooping like a cowboy yesterday, bumping over the yard at breakneck speeds. The lawn looked better than it ever has, and Joe had fun cutting it in half the time.
Out with the old, in with the new
Paul instructed the early Christians in Corinth, Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch. (1 Corinthians 5:7 NIV) He spoke about bread-baking, because at that time, every woman baked her own.
He knew that his listeners would understand his underlying meaning about becoming a new person through belief in Jesus. They could see that old yeast produces a very poor loaf of bread. And old ways of thinking would produce a life as dull and flat as bread made with outdated yeast.
Notice that Paul didn't instruct his audience to buy more yeast. No, he asked his listeners to become something completely different... unleavened bread made without yeast. Paul wanted the Christians at Corinth to understand the importance of getting rid of old habits, relationships, and ideas to make room for Jesus' way of thinking.
Are you tolerating a Billy Goat?
There are many things in life that may annoy us, as Billy did. When we cling to something that isn't working for us, we create a continuous charge of negative energy around ourselves. We also prevent God from blessing us with something that makes us feel contented and peaceful.
We must let go of the things that we're merely tolerating to make room for God's blessings. When we do, we take one step closer to fulfilling our dreams. That first step, taken in faith, will boost our trust in God and our confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
What are you clinging to that you need to release? A destructive relationship? A broken-down car? A beligerent pet? A dead-end job? Take some time today to think about how you need to change your thinking so that you can release annoyances that you're tolerating.
The Billy Goat
When Joe and I decided to move to the country, we found a large lot at a lake. All that grass would require a much larger mower than our little push model, so we bought a commercial walk-behind. The Billy Goat was supposed to cut over an acre in an hour.
Joe quickly discovered that "Billy" was as disagreeable and stubborn as most live goats. He was headstrong and took off running when Joe was unprepared for the jolt that nearly yanked him off his feet. Billy sometimes ate things he wasn't supposed to, and over time, he only chewed up half of the grass that Joe wanted him to eat.
It was a love/hate relationship from the outset. Joe loved the idea of having a powerful mower with a wide cutting deck, but he hated Billy's performance.
I suggested selling Billy and replacing him with something better, but Joe insisted on trying harder to make Billy tow the line. Why? He doubted that we could sell Billy for enough money to pay for a riding mower, which he would have preferred.
After two years, Billy finally did himself in. He refused to eat the grass at all. So, I put an ad online to sell him, and we went in search of a new mower. Within 24 hours, Billy found a new home with a man whom I am sure will make him behave. We found a refurbished riding mower, and it cost exactly the same amount of money that we received for selling Billy.
Joe's fear that we would lose money prevented him from enjoying what he really wanted. When he finally let go of that old way of thinking, God immediately blessed him with something better. Joe was whooping like a cowboy yesterday, bumping over the yard at breakneck speeds. The lawn looked better than it ever has, and Joe had fun cutting it in half the time.
Out with the old, in with the new
Paul instructed the early Christians in Corinth, Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch. (1 Corinthians 5:7 NIV) He spoke about bread-baking, because at that time, every woman baked her own.
He knew that his listeners would understand his underlying meaning about becoming a new person through belief in Jesus. They could see that old yeast produces a very poor loaf of bread. And old ways of thinking would produce a life as dull and flat as bread made with outdated yeast.
Notice that Paul didn't instruct his audience to buy more yeast. No, he asked his listeners to become something completely different... unleavened bread made without yeast. Paul wanted the Christians at Corinth to understand the importance of getting rid of old habits, relationships, and ideas to make room for Jesus' way of thinking.
Are you tolerating a Billy Goat?
There are many things in life that may annoy us, as Billy did. When we cling to something that isn't working for us, we create a continuous charge of negative energy around ourselves. We also prevent God from blessing us with something that makes us feel contented and peaceful.
We must let go of the things that we're merely tolerating to make room for God's blessings. When we do, we take one step closer to fulfilling our dreams. That first step, taken in faith, will boost our trust in God and our confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
What are you clinging to that you need to release? A destructive relationship? A broken-down car? A beligerent pet? A dead-end job? Take some time today to think about how you need to change your thinking so that you can release annoyances that you're tolerating.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Turn Off the Auto Pilot
We continue this week with my series, Confident in God's Hands. Through daily posts, I hope to encourage readers to restore the confidence that was lost through abuse or trauma.
Auto Pilot is supposed to be short-term.
Most jets are designed to include an auto pilot setting, which gives the pilot an opportunity to get out of his seat, walk to the bathroom, eat a meal, and stretch. By simply programming the aircraft to follow a specified course, he can momentarily forget about his duties.
Notice that I said he could momentarily set aside his duties. If the man set the auto pilot and then sat down in first class to sleep eight hours, he and the passengers could be in serious danger. They might overshoot their destination, run out of fuel, or collide with other aircraft.
Are we stuck on auto pilot?
If we have been abused for a very long time or if we've suffered a significant trauma, we tend to set our lives on auto pilot. Why? If our days have been unpredictable, the more stable we can make them, the better we feel.
While stability is a good thing, the problem with this auto pilot setting is that it can hurt us if we allow ourselves to stay on it for too long. We may feel safe by limiting ourselves to the confines of our homes, keeping to ourselves while out in public, and controlling the outcomes of most situations. However, we will never become confident as long as we stay on auto pilot.
God wants us to be bold.
Proverbs 28:1 (MSG) reads ...the righteous are as bold as a lion. God knows that we've been hurt. He was there during the abuse or trauma and in the aftermath of it. He offers us comfort for our pain, but eventually, he wants us to dry our eyes and get back to the business of living. He wants us to be bold, even after we've been hurt.
Like a pilot who's had a little break, there comes a time when we must return to our places. God put us here to carry out a mission, and we can't expect to fulfill his goals for us if we've set our lives on auto pilot. When we return to our rightful places, we discover that new challenges and successes give us opportunities to restore confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Is your life on auto pilot? Are you going to the same job, hanging out with the same old friends, and bypassing opportunities because it's safer than taking risks? Take a hard look at what you're doing and ask yourself if it's time to take a bold step into the unknown.
Auto Pilot is supposed to be short-term.
Most jets are designed to include an auto pilot setting, which gives the pilot an opportunity to get out of his seat, walk to the bathroom, eat a meal, and stretch. By simply programming the aircraft to follow a specified course, he can momentarily forget about his duties.
Notice that I said he could momentarily set aside his duties. If the man set the auto pilot and then sat down in first class to sleep eight hours, he and the passengers could be in serious danger. They might overshoot their destination, run out of fuel, or collide with other aircraft.
Are we stuck on auto pilot?
If we have been abused for a very long time or if we've suffered a significant trauma, we tend to set our lives on auto pilot. Why? If our days have been unpredictable, the more stable we can make them, the better we feel.
While stability is a good thing, the problem with this auto pilot setting is that it can hurt us if we allow ourselves to stay on it for too long. We may feel safe by limiting ourselves to the confines of our homes, keeping to ourselves while out in public, and controlling the outcomes of most situations. However, we will never become confident as long as we stay on auto pilot.
God wants us to be bold.
Proverbs 28:1 (MSG) reads ...the righteous are as bold as a lion. God knows that we've been hurt. He was there during the abuse or trauma and in the aftermath of it. He offers us comfort for our pain, but eventually, he wants us to dry our eyes and get back to the business of living. He wants us to be bold, even after we've been hurt.
Like a pilot who's had a little break, there comes a time when we must return to our places. God put us here to carry out a mission, and we can't expect to fulfill his goals for us if we've set our lives on auto pilot. When we return to our rightful places, we discover that new challenges and successes give us opportunities to restore confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Is your life on auto pilot? Are you going to the same job, hanging out with the same old friends, and bypassing opportunities because it's safer than taking risks? Take a hard look at what you're doing and ask yourself if it's time to take a bold step into the unknown.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Be Prepared to Boost Your Confidence
We are learning how to become more confident people through my series, Confident in God's Hands. These lessons are particularly helpful for readers who have survived abuse or trauma, but they can also be insightful for the rest of the population.
Grandma's Bowling Ball
When I was a kid, I went to stay with my grandmother for a week. One night, she got her bowling ball bag out of the closet and set it beside the door.
"Are we going bowling tonight?" I asked.
"No," Grandma said, "Tomorrow."
Hmm...I had never seen anyone prepare for an event in advance like that. I wondered at the time if it was something that only older people did.
Grandma's night-before preparation intrigued me when I was younger, but it has served as a powerful reminder ever since. She knew the importance of being prepared, which allowed her to sleep soundly, kept her from rushing the following day, prevented her from forgetting to take her ball with her, and helped her to arrive on time at the bowling alley.
God is prepared.
Throughout the Bible, there are numerous references to this practice of being prepared. God models this character trait in many ways, and I particularly like how the apostle, Paul, explained it to the Ephesian church. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.(Ephesians 2:10 NIV)
God has a plan for each one of us. We were sent to earth so that others might come to know him through our love. He is ready to use those who are prepared so that others may be blessed. Are you ready for whatever opportunities may come your way?
Today's Challenge
Do something before going to bed tonight to prepare for your day tomorrow. Lay out your clothes, make a list of errands you will do, or set out the things you will need to take with you when you leave the house. Be prepared and confident for whatever plans God has in store for you.
Grandma's Bowling Ball
When I was a kid, I went to stay with my grandmother for a week. One night, she got her bowling ball bag out of the closet and set it beside the door.
"Are we going bowling tonight?" I asked.
"No," Grandma said, "Tomorrow."
Hmm...I had never seen anyone prepare for an event in advance like that. I wondered at the time if it was something that only older people did.
Grandma's night-before preparation intrigued me when I was younger, but it has served as a powerful reminder ever since. She knew the importance of being prepared, which allowed her to sleep soundly, kept her from rushing the following day, prevented her from forgetting to take her ball with her, and helped her to arrive on time at the bowling alley.
God is prepared.
Throughout the Bible, there are numerous references to this practice of being prepared. God models this character trait in many ways, and I particularly like how the apostle, Paul, explained it to the Ephesian church. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.(Ephesians 2:10 NIV)
God has a plan for each one of us. We were sent to earth so that others might come to know him through our love. He is ready to use those who are prepared so that others may be blessed. Are you ready for whatever opportunities may come your way?
Today's Challenge
Do something before going to bed tonight to prepare for your day tomorrow. Lay out your clothes, make a list of errands you will do, or set out the things you will need to take with you when you leave the house. Be prepared and confident for whatever plans God has in store for you.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Say Cheese!
We've learned over the past couple of weeks about the importance of our appearance in developing greater self confidence. My series, Confident in God's Garden, continues today with some thoughts about our smiles.
Smile!
One of the greatest ways to boost our self-confidence is adopting the habit of smiling. When we smile at ourselves in the mirror, we feel happier and more confident. If we smile at people on the street, they smile back. This further encourages us to be bold.
But if our smiles are an embarrassment to us, how can we possibly flash a toothy grin at someone and feel good about ourselves? Unless we're as cocky as Austin Powers, bad teeth aren't going to do much for our confidence. Dental problems can prevent us from achieving our highest potential if we are always self-conscious about one of our greatest assets.
See your orthodontist.
When I was a little girl, I rode my tricyle down an enormous hill. On the way down, I lost control, slammed into the curb, flew over the handlebars, and bit the pavement. In an instant, I knocked out all of my front teeth.
This childhood trauma to my face caused countless dental problems. My adult teeth came in looking as if they belonged in a beaver's mouth, not mine. Other kids made fun of me and called me Bucky. My mother used to tell me to close my mouth when I chewed, but I couldn't get my lips around my protruding teeth. I was completely self-conscious about my smile.
Eventually, I saw an orthodontist. My teeth were festooned with braces, and I was given a contraption that I had to wear strapped over the top of my head and hooked into my braces. It included something that looked as if I were wearing half of a coat hanger on my face. Not only was it physically painful with this gizmo moving my teeth 24/7, but it was unbelievably humiliating to wear such a thing daily to high school. It did nothing for my confidence.
I'll never forget the day that the dentist removed those braces. My teeth felt incredibly smooth, and I was thrilled with my new smile. I went out into the world, no longer ashamed of my teeth. No one called me Bucky anymore, and I still receive compliments today on my beautiful smile. What a great confidence booster!
If our teeth are crooked, have gaps, or are uneven, we need to consult with an orthodontist. Even older people can wear braces, and we may be surprised to find that there are lots of options that are far less painful and embarrassing than what I went through as a teen.
Take care of your teeth.
I lived in Kentucky for a while, and when my brother came to visit, he asked me, "You know what you get when you put 32 Kentuckians in the same room?"
"What?" I asked.
"A full set of teeth!" he said with a chuckle.
If we want to feel confident about our smiles, we've got to take care of our teeth. Daily brushing and flossing are great beginnings, and regular trips to the dentist once or twice a year prevent tooth decay, gum disease, and tooth loss. If yellowed teeth are sapping us of confidence, the dentist can whiten our smiles.
Eliminate bad breath.
How many times do we meet people with such bad breath that we have to back up four feet just to carry on a conversation? This must certainly have a negative impact on their confidence when everyone they meet is backing away.
Bad breath can signal tooth decay or other intestinal issues. If people let us know that we've got bad breath, we need to have our dentist and our doctor investigate. Mouthwash alone can never cover up extreme cases of bad breath. The underlying cause must be resolved to eliminate the problem. When we are certain that we have fresh breath, our confidence increases.
God gave us beautiful smiles.
God describes man's perfect lover in Song of Solomon 4:2 (NIV). His desciption of her teeth makes it quite clear that we ought to take responsibility for our smiles. It reads, Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
God put it plainly that if we want to look our most attractive, we must have freshly brushed teeth, and none of them should be missing. So whether we have issues with misaligned teeth, cavities, yellowed teeth, or bad breath, it's time to deal with the problems if we want to feel more confident.
Today's Challenge
Stand in front of a mirror and smile. How do you feel about your teeth? If there is anything about your smile that embarrasses you, or you frequently close your lips over your teeth to hide them, do something today to work on improving the problem. Call a dentist or an orthodontist and consult with them about how to correct dental issues so that you can grin with confidence.
Smile!
One of the greatest ways to boost our self-confidence is adopting the habit of smiling. When we smile at ourselves in the mirror, we feel happier and more confident. If we smile at people on the street, they smile back. This further encourages us to be bold.
But if our smiles are an embarrassment to us, how can we possibly flash a toothy grin at someone and feel good about ourselves? Unless we're as cocky as Austin Powers, bad teeth aren't going to do much for our confidence. Dental problems can prevent us from achieving our highest potential if we are always self-conscious about one of our greatest assets.
See your orthodontist.
When I was a little girl, I rode my tricyle down an enormous hill. On the way down, I lost control, slammed into the curb, flew over the handlebars, and bit the pavement. In an instant, I knocked out all of my front teeth.
This childhood trauma to my face caused countless dental problems. My adult teeth came in looking as if they belonged in a beaver's mouth, not mine. Other kids made fun of me and called me Bucky. My mother used to tell me to close my mouth when I chewed, but I couldn't get my lips around my protruding teeth. I was completely self-conscious about my smile.
Eventually, I saw an orthodontist. My teeth were festooned with braces, and I was given a contraption that I had to wear strapped over the top of my head and hooked into my braces. It included something that looked as if I were wearing half of a coat hanger on my face. Not only was it physically painful with this gizmo moving my teeth 24/7, but it was unbelievably humiliating to wear such a thing daily to high school. It did nothing for my confidence.
I'll never forget the day that the dentist removed those braces. My teeth felt incredibly smooth, and I was thrilled with my new smile. I went out into the world, no longer ashamed of my teeth. No one called me Bucky anymore, and I still receive compliments today on my beautiful smile. What a great confidence booster!
If our teeth are crooked, have gaps, or are uneven, we need to consult with an orthodontist. Even older people can wear braces, and we may be surprised to find that there are lots of options that are far less painful and embarrassing than what I went through as a teen.
Take care of your teeth.
I lived in Kentucky for a while, and when my brother came to visit, he asked me, "You know what you get when you put 32 Kentuckians in the same room?"
"What?" I asked.
"A full set of teeth!" he said with a chuckle.
If we want to feel confident about our smiles, we've got to take care of our teeth. Daily brushing and flossing are great beginnings, and regular trips to the dentist once or twice a year prevent tooth decay, gum disease, and tooth loss. If yellowed teeth are sapping us of confidence, the dentist can whiten our smiles.
Eliminate bad breath.
How many times do we meet people with such bad breath that we have to back up four feet just to carry on a conversation? This must certainly have a negative impact on their confidence when everyone they meet is backing away.
Bad breath can signal tooth decay or other intestinal issues. If people let us know that we've got bad breath, we need to have our dentist and our doctor investigate. Mouthwash alone can never cover up extreme cases of bad breath. The underlying cause must be resolved to eliminate the problem. When we are certain that we have fresh breath, our confidence increases.
God gave us beautiful smiles.
God describes man's perfect lover in Song of Solomon 4:2 (NIV). His desciption of her teeth makes it quite clear that we ought to take responsibility for our smiles. It reads, Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
God put it plainly that if we want to look our most attractive, we must have freshly brushed teeth, and none of them should be missing. So whether we have issues with misaligned teeth, cavities, yellowed teeth, or bad breath, it's time to deal with the problems if we want to feel more confident.
Today's Challenge
Stand in front of a mirror and smile. How do you feel about your teeth? If there is anything about your smile that embarrasses you, or you frequently close your lips over your teeth to hide them, do something today to work on improving the problem. Call a dentist or an orthodontist and consult with them about how to correct dental issues so that you can grin with confidence.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Myths About PTSD
I wrote about PTSD yesterday in my series, Confident in God's Hands. Some comments from readers made me realize that there are a lot of myths about PTSD. I would like to address them today, because if you're suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it will be difficult to develop much confidence.
Myth #1
PTSD is completely disabling.
Many people believe that someone suffering from PTSD is totally disabled. This may be true for people with very recent and severe PTSD, but it is not true for all people suffering from the disorder. Some survivors of trauma are able to hold down jobs, manage families, and look as if they lead normal lives.
I was diagnosed with PTSD about 15 years ago, as a result of nearly 20 years of marital abuse, following childhood sexual abuse and a rape during college. Prior to my diagnosis, I had managed to finish all of the coursework for a doctorate degree, raise three children, and hold a full-time teaching job.
While I may have appeared normal to the rest of the world, I was far from it. I coped by sleeping only three hours a night and working extremely long hours to accomplish what others could do in half the time. PTSD definitely affects our ability to work and to enjoy normal relationships. But it is not necessarily as completely disabling as many people think it is.
Myth #2
PTSD only affects combat veterans.
While it is true that combat veterans frequently return home with PTSD, they are not the only ones who develop this disorder. Women are more likely than men to suffer from PTSD, and children may be diagnosed with it.
We adopted eight-year-old twins from Ethiopia a number of years ago. They both had such severe PTSD from having been abandoned and sexually abused that they could not function within a family setting. They both disrupted their adoption and went on to live in a group home for similarly disturbed children.
Anyone who experiences a traumatic event will respond in the same way as the next person. The human mind is wired to either fight or flee when in danger. Trauma can lead to body chemistry changes that continuously trigger this fight or flight response, even when danger is not present. Whether man, woman, or child, PTSD will occur to anyone if the conditions are right for it.
Myth #3
People with PTSD are weaker than average.
Having PTSD does not mean that we are weaker than the average person. As stated above, it is a natural bodily response to trauma. However, some people are more prone to develop PTSD than others are.
If a trauma survivor has a family history of depression or anxiety, they may be more likely to develop PTSD than the average person. The disorder is more likely to occur if the survivor is a child or if a number of traumatic events occur over and over again in a short span of time.
Our twins developed severe PTSD, because they were sexually abused by a number of people on numerous occasions over a long period of time. They were not born weaker minded than the average person, but constant trauma led to more serious impairments than most victims exhibit.
Myth #4
People with PTSD are just over-reacting.
People with PTSD are not drama queens looking for attention. The disorder occurs when we experience or witness a traumatic event and feel that our life or someone else's life is in jeopardy. Domestic violence can create the same intensity of symptoms that combat veterans develop.
I was once told by a psychiatrist that marital abuse had had the same effect on my brain as if I had been a prisoner of war. Both domestic violence survivors and prisoners of war experience trauma, witness others being traumatized, and believe that death may be imminent.
Learning how severe abuse had affected me helped me to understand that I was not just over-reacting. I had always felt compassion for prisoners of war, who had no control over the brain-washing they received. After learning that emotional abuse has the same effect as brain-washing during war, I became more understanding and gentle with myself.
Myth #5
People with PTSD are crazy.
Survivors of trauma are no more crazy than the average person. They are merely responding as God designed them to when they experienced danger. However, their fight or flight response button is stuck in the ON mode.
My husband is, in my opinion, a very stable person with a healthy mind. However, as a combat veteran, he still struggles at times with flashbacks from a very traumatic experience caused by the Persian Gulf crisis.
When remodelers at the hospital began using a nail gun to install trim, Joe experienced classic symptoms of PTSD. His heart pounded, he broke out in a sweat, and fear gripped him. He remembered the day when his camp was bombed with chemical weapons, and he was overcome by the fear of dying.
Joe's response to the nail gun means that his brain is still wired to fight or flee in some circumstances that remind him of that traumatic day in the desert. But it doesn't mean that he's crazy.
Myth #6
People with PTSD are never the same again.
It is true that PTSD changes how we view the world. We are never the same, but it doesn't mean that we can't learn to overcome it and enjoy ourselves again. We will never forget the trauma, but we don't have to constantly live with the negative effects of it.
Like my husband, most people who have suffered from PTSD will always need to cope with it on some level. Instead of daily flashbacks, we may eventually get to the point where we only have one per year. PTSD never completely goes away, but we can learn to control the severity of the symptoms.
There is a lot of help available for people with PTSD, but they must tap into these resources in order to regain control over the symptoms. Some people say that the trauma changes them for the better, because it makes them more aware of who they are.
God did not design me to be abused and traumatized repeatedly throughout my life. However, he has helped me to adapt when challenges occur so that I can still be an asset in our world. I am using my traumatic experiences to help others learn how to thrive.
Myth #7
I can get over PTSD by myself.
Genesis 28:15 reads, I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. I have found tremendous peace and strength from knowing that God never leaves me. Through prayer and Scripture reading, I have often leaned on him whenever PTSD has become overwhelming.
There is some truth in the statement that time heals all wounds. PTSD, if treated properly, does become less problematic over the years. However, I don't think that prayer or time alone will cure PTSD. God provides for us frequently through other means, such as medications and mental health counseling. We need to take advantage of the help he gives us.
PTSD is not something we should take lightly or attempt to self-treat. Many people who do try to treat the symptoms wind up with issues related to either alcohol or drug abuse. Self-medicating with prescription pain killers is a common path taken by survivors of trauma and abuse.
Today's Challenge
After reading the myths about PTSD, how has your thinking changed? Do you, or someone you know, suffer from PTSD? Help is available, but it is up to the person with PTSD to take the first step.
Myth #1
PTSD is completely disabling.
Many people believe that someone suffering from PTSD is totally disabled. This may be true for people with very recent and severe PTSD, but it is not true for all people suffering from the disorder. Some survivors of trauma are able to hold down jobs, manage families, and look as if they lead normal lives.
I was diagnosed with PTSD about 15 years ago, as a result of nearly 20 years of marital abuse, following childhood sexual abuse and a rape during college. Prior to my diagnosis, I had managed to finish all of the coursework for a doctorate degree, raise three children, and hold a full-time teaching job.
While I may have appeared normal to the rest of the world, I was far from it. I coped by sleeping only three hours a night and working extremely long hours to accomplish what others could do in half the time. PTSD definitely affects our ability to work and to enjoy normal relationships. But it is not necessarily as completely disabling as many people think it is.
Myth #2
PTSD only affects combat veterans.
While it is true that combat veterans frequently return home with PTSD, they are not the only ones who develop this disorder. Women are more likely than men to suffer from PTSD, and children may be diagnosed with it.
We adopted eight-year-old twins from Ethiopia a number of years ago. They both had such severe PTSD from having been abandoned and sexually abused that they could not function within a family setting. They both disrupted their adoption and went on to live in a group home for similarly disturbed children.
Anyone who experiences a traumatic event will respond in the same way as the next person. The human mind is wired to either fight or flee when in danger. Trauma can lead to body chemistry changes that continuously trigger this fight or flight response, even when danger is not present. Whether man, woman, or child, PTSD will occur to anyone if the conditions are right for it.
Myth #3
People with PTSD are weaker than average.
Having PTSD does not mean that we are weaker than the average person. As stated above, it is a natural bodily response to trauma. However, some people are more prone to develop PTSD than others are.
If a trauma survivor has a family history of depression or anxiety, they may be more likely to develop PTSD than the average person. The disorder is more likely to occur if the survivor is a child or if a number of traumatic events occur over and over again in a short span of time.
Our twins developed severe PTSD, because they were sexually abused by a number of people on numerous occasions over a long period of time. They were not born weaker minded than the average person, but constant trauma led to more serious impairments than most victims exhibit.
Myth #4
People with PTSD are just over-reacting.
People with PTSD are not drama queens looking for attention. The disorder occurs when we experience or witness a traumatic event and feel that our life or someone else's life is in jeopardy. Domestic violence can create the same intensity of symptoms that combat veterans develop.
I was once told by a psychiatrist that marital abuse had had the same effect on my brain as if I had been a prisoner of war. Both domestic violence survivors and prisoners of war experience trauma, witness others being traumatized, and believe that death may be imminent.
Learning how severe abuse had affected me helped me to understand that I was not just over-reacting. I had always felt compassion for prisoners of war, who had no control over the brain-washing they received. After learning that emotional abuse has the same effect as brain-washing during war, I became more understanding and gentle with myself.
Myth #5
People with PTSD are crazy.
Survivors of trauma are no more crazy than the average person. They are merely responding as God designed them to when they experienced danger. However, their fight or flight response button is stuck in the ON mode.
My husband is, in my opinion, a very stable person with a healthy mind. However, as a combat veteran, he still struggles at times with flashbacks from a very traumatic experience caused by the Persian Gulf crisis.
When remodelers at the hospital began using a nail gun to install trim, Joe experienced classic symptoms of PTSD. His heart pounded, he broke out in a sweat, and fear gripped him. He remembered the day when his camp was bombed with chemical weapons, and he was overcome by the fear of dying.
Joe's response to the nail gun means that his brain is still wired to fight or flee in some circumstances that remind him of that traumatic day in the desert. But it doesn't mean that he's crazy.
Myth #6
People with PTSD are never the same again.
It is true that PTSD changes how we view the world. We are never the same, but it doesn't mean that we can't learn to overcome it and enjoy ourselves again. We will never forget the trauma, but we don't have to constantly live with the negative effects of it.
Like my husband, most people who have suffered from PTSD will always need to cope with it on some level. Instead of daily flashbacks, we may eventually get to the point where we only have one per year. PTSD never completely goes away, but we can learn to control the severity of the symptoms.
There is a lot of help available for people with PTSD, but they must tap into these resources in order to regain control over the symptoms. Some people say that the trauma changes them for the better, because it makes them more aware of who they are.
God did not design me to be abused and traumatized repeatedly throughout my life. However, he has helped me to adapt when challenges occur so that I can still be an asset in our world. I am using my traumatic experiences to help others learn how to thrive.
Myth #7
I can get over PTSD by myself.
Genesis 28:15 reads, I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. I have found tremendous peace and strength from knowing that God never leaves me. Through prayer and Scripture reading, I have often leaned on him whenever PTSD has become overwhelming.
There is some truth in the statement that time heals all wounds. PTSD, if treated properly, does become less problematic over the years. However, I don't think that prayer or time alone will cure PTSD. God provides for us frequently through other means, such as medications and mental health counseling. We need to take advantage of the help he gives us.
PTSD is not something we should take lightly or attempt to self-treat. Many people who do try to treat the symptoms wind up with issues related to either alcohol or drug abuse. Self-medicating with prescription pain killers is a common path taken by survivors of trauma and abuse.
Today's Challenge
After reading the myths about PTSD, how has your thinking changed? Do you, or someone you know, suffer from PTSD? Help is available, but it is up to the person with PTSD to take the first step.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Self-Control Protects Us From Evil
This week marks the last of my nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden. This study has been based on the fruit of the Spirit, which is found in Galatians 5:22: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. We conclude with five lessons about self-control.
Don't leave yourself open to evil.
Proverbs 25:28 (MSG) reads, A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out. What does this mean?
In recent weeks, an F-5 tornado raced across the southern and midwestern United States, leaving a path of destruction in its mile-wide wake. Joe and I drove through some of the areas that were hit, and we were shocked by the devastation. At one exit along the interstate, enormous commercial buildings were missing roofs, windows, and walls.
Consider how vulnerable a building is without its roof, doors, or windows. Looters can steal merchandise from inside, rain can cause further damage, and wild animals can take up residence there. It is completely unprotected.
Like a building with its doors and windows missing, we can open ourselves up to all kinds of evil if we lack self-control. This week, we will be looking into what happens when we fail to control our appetites, our sex drives, our daily routines, and our emotions.
God is our best ally when learning self-control.
My greatest challenge in the area of self-control is my tongue. I tend to talk far more than I listen. Maybe that's why I feel compelled to write so many words every day!
No matter what challenges us, God can help. We can pray that he will show us areas of our lives that are out of control. Being blind to our faults can be problematic, particularly if we are always focused on others' flaws.
We can also pray that God will teach us to develop greater self-control. Doing this makes us more mindful of the things that we need to change, and it gives God opportunities to put us in situations where we will need to exercise self-control.
Today's Challenge
Consider what it means to you to be self-controlled. Ask God to show you where you need to improve, and then in your journal, write down instances when you failed to exercise self-control. Pray for opportunities to exhibit greater self-control the next time a similar situation arises.
Don't leave yourself open to evil.
Proverbs 25:28 (MSG) reads, A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out. What does this mean?
In recent weeks, an F-5 tornado raced across the southern and midwestern United States, leaving a path of destruction in its mile-wide wake. Joe and I drove through some of the areas that were hit, and we were shocked by the devastation. At one exit along the interstate, enormous commercial buildings were missing roofs, windows, and walls.
Consider how vulnerable a building is without its roof, doors, or windows. Looters can steal merchandise from inside, rain can cause further damage, and wild animals can take up residence there. It is completely unprotected.
Like a building with its doors and windows missing, we can open ourselves up to all kinds of evil if we lack self-control. This week, we will be looking into what happens when we fail to control our appetites, our sex drives, our daily routines, and our emotions.
God is our best ally when learning self-control.
My greatest challenge in the area of self-control is my tongue. I tend to talk far more than I listen. Maybe that's why I feel compelled to write so many words every day!
No matter what challenges us, God can help. We can pray that he will show us areas of our lives that are out of control. Being blind to our faults can be problematic, particularly if we are always focused on others' flaws.
We can also pray that God will teach us to develop greater self-control. Doing this makes us more mindful of the things that we need to change, and it gives God opportunities to put us in situations where we will need to exercise self-control.
Today's Challenge
Consider what it means to you to be self-controlled. Ask God to show you where you need to improve, and then in your journal, write down instances when you failed to exercise self-control. Pray for opportunities to exhibit greater self-control the next time a similar situation arises.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The Beauty of a Gentle Spirit
This week, we are learning about gentleness in my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, we look at the importance of inner beauty and the deceitfulness of outer beauty.
True beauty starts on the inside.
The apostle, Peter, wrote about women's beauty in a letter to the early Christian church. Some denominations believe that these are specific rules against certain outward appearances, but I think Peter had a bigger message in mind.
He wrote, Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. (I Peter 3:3-4 NIV)
This passage does not mean that we should quit braiding our hair, put on frumpy clothes, or sell all of our bling. Peter simply used these examples to make the point that we can't rely on our outer beauty if we are ugly on the inside.
Develop a gentle spirit.
As survivors of abuse, we frequently feel that we are ugly. Our shame causes us to feel inferior to others, whom we may admire for their outer beauty.
We may try to compensate for the way we feel about ourselves by going overboard with extreme hairstyles, excessive makeup, or tons of jewelry. We cannot rely on these outer adornments to express our beauty. No amount of make-up, jewelry, or clothing will make us beautiful if we are filled with bitterness, revenge, or hatred.
God created us in his own image, and he loves us in spite of our flaws. When we learn to accept God's love, our inner beauty begins to grow. A quiet spirit brings us inner peace, which radiates gentle beauty from the inside.
Please don't misunderstand here what is being said about outer appearances. Peter did not mean to imply that we should neglect our personal grooming. Clean skin, healthy teeth, a stylish haircut, and modest clothing and accessories all go a long way toward helping us feel as if we have our act together.
Don't be a rotten melon.
Have you ever gone to the grocery to purchase a beautiful green watermelon, taken it home for a family picnic, and discovered that it had turned to mush on the inside? Like a rotten melon, the bigger point of Peter's message is that outer beauty is worthless without inner goodness. God desires for us to work much harder on our inner beauty than on outward appearances.
Today's Challenge
Take time today for a check-up of both your inner and outer beauty. How much time are you spending on the development of inner beauty, which comes from a gentle and quiet spirit? Are you taking care of your appearance with good grooming? Or are you trying to compensate for low self-worth by over-dressing? Make a commitment today to develop a gentle and quiet spirit through Bible study and fellowship with other mature Christians so that you can glow from the inside out.
True beauty starts on the inside.
The apostle, Peter, wrote about women's beauty in a letter to the early Christian church. Some denominations believe that these are specific rules against certain outward appearances, but I think Peter had a bigger message in mind.
He wrote, Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. (I Peter 3:3-4 NIV)
This passage does not mean that we should quit braiding our hair, put on frumpy clothes, or sell all of our bling. Peter simply used these examples to make the point that we can't rely on our outer beauty if we are ugly on the inside.
Develop a gentle spirit.
As survivors of abuse, we frequently feel that we are ugly. Our shame causes us to feel inferior to others, whom we may admire for their outer beauty.
We may try to compensate for the way we feel about ourselves by going overboard with extreme hairstyles, excessive makeup, or tons of jewelry. We cannot rely on these outer adornments to express our beauty. No amount of make-up, jewelry, or clothing will make us beautiful if we are filled with bitterness, revenge, or hatred.
God created us in his own image, and he loves us in spite of our flaws. When we learn to accept God's love, our inner beauty begins to grow. A quiet spirit brings us inner peace, which radiates gentle beauty from the inside.
Please don't misunderstand here what is being said about outer appearances. Peter did not mean to imply that we should neglect our personal grooming. Clean skin, healthy teeth, a stylish haircut, and modest clothing and accessories all go a long way toward helping us feel as if we have our act together.
Don't be a rotten melon.
Have you ever gone to the grocery to purchase a beautiful green watermelon, taken it home for a family picnic, and discovered that it had turned to mush on the inside? Like a rotten melon, the bigger point of Peter's message is that outer beauty is worthless without inner goodness. God desires for us to work much harder on our inner beauty than on outward appearances.
Today's Challenge
Take time today for a check-up of both your inner and outer beauty. How much time are you spending on the development of inner beauty, which comes from a gentle and quiet spirit? Are you taking care of your appearance with good grooming? Or are you trying to compensate for low self-worth by over-dressing? Make a commitment today to develop a gentle and quiet spirit through Bible study and fellowship with other mature Christians so that you can glow from the inside out.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Teach Faithfulness
We conclude this week’s thoughts about faithfulness with some insights about teaching others how to become more faithful. This is a continuation of my series, Thriving in God’s Garden, which is based on Galatians 5:22. Next week, we will learn about how to be more gentle.
Become a woman of excellence.
Proverbs 31:10-31 has been my greatest source of guidance over the years. As a woman, this passage leads me in the ways that God wants me to go. It describes how I should aspire to live as a Christian wife. I think it can be applied to any woman, young or old, married or single.
Proverbs 31:26 (NIV) reads, She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. Notice that God puts wisdom ahead of faithful instruction in this passage. Older, more mature women are called upon to teach younger ones how to live quiet lives that are pleasing to God. Our cumulative life experiences usually make us better equipped to teach others, primarily through the wisdom we have learned from making mistakes along the way.
I have been on a pathway of learning for many years, and there is still much that I don’t know. But when I do understand something through a combination of experiences and studying the Bible, I try to share my wisdom with others. This blog is one example of my faithfulness in teaching God’s wisdom to others.
What do you know?
Each one of us has been equipped with special talents and gifts. Those abilities should be used whenever possible to encourage others. What have you learned as a result of the challenges life has thrown your way?
Most survivors of abuse don’t feel that they are very worthy. They believe that they have little to offer, because their abusers stripped them of all self-confidence. But the fact is that most people who have survived childhood sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, or other traumas are usually much stronger in the long run than the average person. We can be far more resilient, hopeful, determined, and resourceful than most others can if we recover well. The very fact that we survived abuse speaks volumes about our emotional strength.
Galatians 5:22 (NIV) tells us that we should be exhibiting behaviors that are more and more Christ-like as we mature. These characteristics (the fruit of the Spirit) include love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Which ones do you feel are your strongest traits? How can you teach what you know to someone else?
Find a place to share your wisdom with others.
The best way to put this lesson into practice is to find a place to serve where we can faithfully teach others what we know. I lead a small group of women in making quilts for terminally ill patients at the hospitals in our community. My friend enjoys teaching young wives how to cook. No matter who we are, or how much we have suffered, God has given us something unique to share with the world. Where can you serve?
Today’s Challenge
Read Proverbs 31:10-31. You can find it at www.biblegateway.com if you don’t have a Bible. Consider the many talents described in this beautiful passage of Scripture. Which gift can you share with someone else? Choose one of your spiritual gifts today and begin faithfully teaching it to others through your actions or through direct instruction.
Become a woman of excellence.
Proverbs 31:10-31 has been my greatest source of guidance over the years. As a woman, this passage leads me in the ways that God wants me to go. It describes how I should aspire to live as a Christian wife. I think it can be applied to any woman, young or old, married or single.
Proverbs 31:26 (NIV) reads, She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. Notice that God puts wisdom ahead of faithful instruction in this passage. Older, more mature women are called upon to teach younger ones how to live quiet lives that are pleasing to God. Our cumulative life experiences usually make us better equipped to teach others, primarily through the wisdom we have learned from making mistakes along the way.
I have been on a pathway of learning for many years, and there is still much that I don’t know. But when I do understand something through a combination of experiences and studying the Bible, I try to share my wisdom with others. This blog is one example of my faithfulness in teaching God’s wisdom to others.
What do you know?
Each one of us has been equipped with special talents and gifts. Those abilities should be used whenever possible to encourage others. What have you learned as a result of the challenges life has thrown your way?
Most survivors of abuse don’t feel that they are very worthy. They believe that they have little to offer, because their abusers stripped them of all self-confidence. But the fact is that most people who have survived childhood sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, or other traumas are usually much stronger in the long run than the average person. We can be far more resilient, hopeful, determined, and resourceful than most others can if we recover well. The very fact that we survived abuse speaks volumes about our emotional strength.
Galatians 5:22 (NIV) tells us that we should be exhibiting behaviors that are more and more Christ-like as we mature. These characteristics (the fruit of the Spirit) include love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Which ones do you feel are your strongest traits? How can you teach what you know to someone else?
Find a place to share your wisdom with others.
The best way to put this lesson into practice is to find a place to serve where we can faithfully teach others what we know. I lead a small group of women in making quilts for terminally ill patients at the hospitals in our community. My friend enjoys teaching young wives how to cook. No matter who we are, or how much we have suffered, God has given us something unique to share with the world. Where can you serve?
Today’s Challenge
Read Proverbs 31:10-31. You can find it at www.biblegateway.com if you don’t have a Bible. Consider the many talents described in this beautiful passage of Scripture. Which gift can you share with someone else? Choose one of your spiritual gifts today and begin faithfully teaching it to others through your actions or through direct instruction.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Be Faithful in Prayer
We continue with my series, Thriving in God's Garden, a study based on Galatians 5:22 (NIV): But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Today, we take a look at faithfulness regarding prayer.
We turn to God in prayer during difficult times.
The apostle Paul reminded the early Christians that prayer was essential at all times. He wrote in Romans 12:12 (NIV): Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
When we encounter struggles, we begin to cry out to God for relief. During the difficult times in our life, we discover the nearness of God through prayer. Later, when we look back, we can often see how closely he was walking with us through a challenge.
After I got divorced, my ex-husband repeatedly filed lawsuits against me in an effort to deny me custody of our children. It was, without a doubt, the most difficult time of my life. I have never prayed so much. During that challenge, I can also say that I have never been so wowed by God's power in response to prayer.
One day, I was waiting for a judge's verdict in court. He was about to remove a restraining order against my ex-husband, which had been providing my children and me with tremendous relief from being harassed at every turn.
When the judge declared that he was lifting the restraining order, I began to fervently and silently pray, "God, please make him change his mind."
Within seconds, the judge leaped to his feet, ripped the court orders in half, and said, "No! I can't do this. I've changed my mind!"
My ex-husband's attorney shouted, "On what grounds?"
The judge threw his arms into the air and said, "It doesn't matter. I've changed my mind!" He charged out of the room and slammed the door.
I sat there, stunned by the power of my prayer. Not only had God turned around the outcome, but the judge had actually spoken the exact same words I had been praying!
We should also seek God when life is good.
Imagine how different our relationship with God would be if we prayed that fervently all the time. So often, we only pray when we're in trouble. God wants to hear from us every day...in good times and in bad.
While I have never experienced anything quite as startling during my daily prayer time as I did on that day in court, I can say that the discipline of regular prayer draws me closer to God. And when he and I are communicating regularly, it is easier for me to see his hand at work.
When I thank God for the beauty of his creation, for improvements in my health that allow me to care for myself, for my family, for my friends, and for the freedom of life in a great nation; I feel his presence.
Because I am mindful of my relationship with God through prayer, he speaks to me through Scripture, other people, and circumstances during good times and bad. And when I ask God questions or request specific directions from him, I am always amazed by the ways in which he answers. It is comforting to me to know that asking God for advice always keeps me moving in the right direction.
Today's Challenge
Make it a habit to faithfully talk with God daily. Tell him about your joys, as well as your needs. Develop a deeper relationship with him by asking a question and then waiting for his answer. You will be surprised by the ways he answers.
We turn to God in prayer during difficult times.
The apostle Paul reminded the early Christians that prayer was essential at all times. He wrote in Romans 12:12 (NIV): Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
When we encounter struggles, we begin to cry out to God for relief. During the difficult times in our life, we discover the nearness of God through prayer. Later, when we look back, we can often see how closely he was walking with us through a challenge.
After I got divorced, my ex-husband repeatedly filed lawsuits against me in an effort to deny me custody of our children. It was, without a doubt, the most difficult time of my life. I have never prayed so much. During that challenge, I can also say that I have never been so wowed by God's power in response to prayer.
One day, I was waiting for a judge's verdict in court. He was about to remove a restraining order against my ex-husband, which had been providing my children and me with tremendous relief from being harassed at every turn.
When the judge declared that he was lifting the restraining order, I began to fervently and silently pray, "God, please make him change his mind."
Within seconds, the judge leaped to his feet, ripped the court orders in half, and said, "No! I can't do this. I've changed my mind!"
My ex-husband's attorney shouted, "On what grounds?"
The judge threw his arms into the air and said, "It doesn't matter. I've changed my mind!" He charged out of the room and slammed the door.
I sat there, stunned by the power of my prayer. Not only had God turned around the outcome, but the judge had actually spoken the exact same words I had been praying!
We should also seek God when life is good.
Imagine how different our relationship with God would be if we prayed that fervently all the time. So often, we only pray when we're in trouble. God wants to hear from us every day...in good times and in bad.
While I have never experienced anything quite as startling during my daily prayer time as I did on that day in court, I can say that the discipline of regular prayer draws me closer to God. And when he and I are communicating regularly, it is easier for me to see his hand at work.
When I thank God for the beauty of his creation, for improvements in my health that allow me to care for myself, for my family, for my friends, and for the freedom of life in a great nation; I feel his presence.
Because I am mindful of my relationship with God through prayer, he speaks to me through Scripture, other people, and circumstances during good times and bad. And when I ask God questions or request specific directions from him, I am always amazed by the ways in which he answers. It is comforting to me to know that asking God for advice always keeps me moving in the right direction.
Today's Challenge
Make it a habit to faithfully talk with God daily. Tell him about your joys, as well as your needs. Develop a deeper relationship with him by asking a question and then waiting for his answer. You will be surprised by the ways he answers.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Plan Good to Find Love
This week, we are learning about how we can do good to those around us. This is a continuation of my series, Thriving in God's Garden, which is based on Galatians 5:22.
Life coaches recommend making plans.
Most of us are searching for ways to find happiness, success, and love. Life coaches often advise that we set goals and then make plans to help us reach our goals. In doing so, we fast-forward ourselves to achieving our dreams.
Proverbs 14:22 (NIV) supports this theory, but it also includes a warning. It reads, Do not those who plot evil go astray? But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness.
Our plans must be good ones.
Making plans can propel us toward our dreams, but if we plan to do evil, we cannot expect blessings. Osama bin Laden plotted evil to kill innocent people through terrorism. As a result, he was hunted down and killed. Many people associated with him, including his family members, are suffering as a result of his evil goals.
While we are working toward our goals, we must find ways to give goodness to others. In my case, if I set a goal to sell a million copies of my latest novel, I must make sure that it benefits others in some way. I'm hoping that survivors of abuse and trauma will find Among the Ashes entertaining, as well as insightful. However, I have also decided to donate a percentage of all my book profits to organizations that help abused women and children.
I cannot step on others' toes or take advantage of people just to sell more books. At every turn, I must think of giving away good as much as I look forward to receiving blessings from my plans.
Today's Challenge
What goals have you set for yourself? Do your plans bring you closer to God? Do they benefit others? Will your goals help you to find love and faithfulness? If not, look for ways to revise your plans so that they will bring about good for everyone involved.
Among the Ashes is coming soon!
Cheryl Denton's mystery thriller about a young woman suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder is in production and will be ready for distribution this summer. It will be available in paperback, as well as e-book versions.
Life coaches recommend making plans.
Most of us are searching for ways to find happiness, success, and love. Life coaches often advise that we set goals and then make plans to help us reach our goals. In doing so, we fast-forward ourselves to achieving our dreams.
Proverbs 14:22 (NIV) supports this theory, but it also includes a warning. It reads, Do not those who plot evil go astray? But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness.
Our plans must be good ones.
Making plans can propel us toward our dreams, but if we plan to do evil, we cannot expect blessings. Osama bin Laden plotted evil to kill innocent people through terrorism. As a result, he was hunted down and killed. Many people associated with him, including his family members, are suffering as a result of his evil goals.
While we are working toward our goals, we must find ways to give goodness to others. In my case, if I set a goal to sell a million copies of my latest novel, I must make sure that it benefits others in some way. I'm hoping that survivors of abuse and trauma will find Among the Ashes entertaining, as well as insightful. However, I have also decided to donate a percentage of all my book profits to organizations that help abused women and children.
I cannot step on others' toes or take advantage of people just to sell more books. At every turn, I must think of giving away good as much as I look forward to receiving blessings from my plans.
Today's Challenge
What goals have you set for yourself? Do your plans bring you closer to God? Do they benefit others? Will your goals help you to find love and faithfulness? If not, look for ways to revise your plans so that they will bring about good for everyone involved.
Among the Ashes is coming soon!
Cheryl Denton's mystery thriller about a young woman suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder is in production and will be ready for distribution this summer. It will be available in paperback, as well as e-book versions.
Monday, May 2, 2011
From Evil to Good
This week, we will be learning about goodness, which is one of the fruits of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. It reads, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. We are currently in the sixth week of my nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden.
We were the victims of evil.
When others mistreated us and used our bodies for their own perverse pleasures, we found ourselves the victims of evil. Many times, we were told that childhood sexual abuse or marital sexual abuse was love, but it was not true. Mankind often labels evil as good, which causes tremendous confusion within our minds and spirits.
Love is good. Evil never is. The prophet Isaiah warned God's people against this practice of calling evil good. He wrote, Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. (Isaiah 5:20 NIV)
Mankind calls many evil things good.
We are surrounded today by evil things that our culture labels as good. Women's rights activists claim that abortion is good, because it gives a woman better choices. From an ethical perspective, this argument takes the outcome (freedom from the burden of raising a child) to justify the means (murder of an unborn child).
There are many other examples of people using the ends to justify the means. Whenever we look at these situations, there is always controversy.
Dr. Kivorkian wanted to free people from pain, so he helped them to commit suicide. When plantation owners wanted to capitalize on their crops here in the US 200 years ago, they captured men and women from Africa and enslaved them. Wars have been started over this issue of calling evil good. In all such unethical situations, someone called evil good, and mankind bought the lie.
God uses evil to save people.
The Bible tells the story of one of God's greatest heroes. Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers while he was still a young boy. When he arrived in Egypt, he found himself serving the Pharaoh. Just when things were looking up, the queen accused Joseph of assaulting her. He got thrown into prison, but because he had a gift of interpreting dreams, he was able to make his way back into the Pharaoh's good graces.
A famine struck the entire Middle East, and Joseph discovered his own brothers one day at his feet, begging for food. He held such power over them, they were terrified. They expected him to have them thrown into prison forever, but instead, he forgave them.
He said to his brothers, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Gen 50:19-20 NIV)
Sometimes, we find ourselves at the mercy of evil people, just as Joseph did. We may go for years on end without relief. But then we get a break, and we suddenly see why God allowed our suffering. That's when we realize that mankind may set out to do evil to us, but God will use it for our good.
Today's Challenge
What evil things have you been experiencing? If you're in the midst of a lot of conflict, keep looking up. God will turn things around in your favor eventually, and you'll understand how he intended the evil for your good.
We were the victims of evil.
When others mistreated us and used our bodies for their own perverse pleasures, we found ourselves the victims of evil. Many times, we were told that childhood sexual abuse or marital sexual abuse was love, but it was not true. Mankind often labels evil as good, which causes tremendous confusion within our minds and spirits.
Love is good. Evil never is. The prophet Isaiah warned God's people against this practice of calling evil good. He wrote, Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. (Isaiah 5:20 NIV)
Mankind calls many evil things good.
We are surrounded today by evil things that our culture labels as good. Women's rights activists claim that abortion is good, because it gives a woman better choices. From an ethical perspective, this argument takes the outcome (freedom from the burden of raising a child) to justify the means (murder of an unborn child).
There are many other examples of people using the ends to justify the means. Whenever we look at these situations, there is always controversy.
Dr. Kivorkian wanted to free people from pain, so he helped them to commit suicide. When plantation owners wanted to capitalize on their crops here in the US 200 years ago, they captured men and women from Africa and enslaved them. Wars have been started over this issue of calling evil good. In all such unethical situations, someone called evil good, and mankind bought the lie.
God uses evil to save people.
The Bible tells the story of one of God's greatest heroes. Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers while he was still a young boy. When he arrived in Egypt, he found himself serving the Pharaoh. Just when things were looking up, the queen accused Joseph of assaulting her. He got thrown into prison, but because he had a gift of interpreting dreams, he was able to make his way back into the Pharaoh's good graces.
A famine struck the entire Middle East, and Joseph discovered his own brothers one day at his feet, begging for food. He held such power over them, they were terrified. They expected him to have them thrown into prison forever, but instead, he forgave them.
He said to his brothers, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Gen 50:19-20 NIV)
Sometimes, we find ourselves at the mercy of evil people, just as Joseph did. We may go for years on end without relief. But then we get a break, and we suddenly see why God allowed our suffering. That's when we realize that mankind may set out to do evil to us, but God will use it for our good.
Today's Challenge
What evil things have you been experiencing? If you're in the midst of a lot of conflict, keep looking up. God will turn things around in your favor eventually, and you'll understand how he intended the evil for your good.
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