Are You Leading a Double Life?

As abuse and trauma survivors, we frequently find ourselves living in two different worlds. While we go about our daily lives, our minds unexpectedly take us back to the moment of trauma. I used to feel as if I were losing my mind, but now I know that this double life is often the norm for people with PTSD.

I experience this dual existence every day. It usually occurs when I'm doing something mindless, such as laundry or dishes. The triggers that send me back to thoughts of the past come in many forms...a song on the radio, the peach I'm peeling, a phone call from a family member, an old photograph, or anything else that reminds me of past trauma.

Even a pleasant memory can trigger feelings of depression and helplessness. Joe and I were listening to big band on the radio this morning. The words reminded me of a phrase my former mother-in-law used to say. She was very kind to me, and I loved her very much. But thoughts of her inevitably led me to memories of my ex-husband. In an instant, I was reliving the overwhelming sense of helplessness that occurs in abusive relationships.

I experienced significant, ongoing abuse for the first 40 years of my life. For me, triggers are everywhere. I can't avoid them, but I can manage them. When I come back to my present life from those intrusive memories, I have to remind myself that I am safe now. It's important for me to keep my mind engaged in the present with activities that require concentration.

Spending too much time alone with nothing to do is not good for me. Solitude and boredom are fertile ground where triggers grow out of proportion. Staying involved in projects and focusing on the blessings God has given me are helpful methods for rooting myself in my present reality.

Are you living a double life? If memories are intruding and causing problems with daily activities and relationships, consider talking with a qualified therapist who can help you manage the pain of your past.