This week, we are learning about gentleness in my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, we look at the importance of inner beauty and the deceitfulness of outer beauty.
True beauty starts on the inside.
The apostle, Peter, wrote about women's beauty in a letter to the early Christian church. Some denominations believe that these are specific rules against certain outward appearances, but I think Peter had a bigger message in mind.
He wrote, Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. (I Peter 3:3-4 NIV)
This passage does not mean that we should quit braiding our hair, put on frumpy clothes, or sell all of our bling. Peter simply used these examples to make the point that we can't rely on our outer beauty if we are ugly on the inside.
Develop a gentle spirit.
As survivors of abuse, we frequently feel that we are ugly. Our shame causes us to feel inferior to others, whom we may admire for their outer beauty.
We may try to compensate for the way we feel about ourselves by going overboard with extreme hairstyles, excessive makeup, or tons of jewelry. We cannot rely on these outer adornments to express our beauty. No amount of make-up, jewelry, or clothing will make us beautiful if we are filled with bitterness, revenge, or hatred.
God created us in his own image, and he loves us in spite of our flaws. When we learn to accept God's love, our inner beauty begins to grow. A quiet spirit brings us inner peace, which radiates gentle beauty from the inside.
Please don't misunderstand here what is being said about outer appearances. Peter did not mean to imply that we should neglect our personal grooming. Clean skin, healthy teeth, a stylish haircut, and modest clothing and accessories all go a long way toward helping us feel as if we have our act together.
Don't be a rotten melon.
Have you ever gone to the grocery to purchase a beautiful green watermelon, taken it home for a family picnic, and discovered that it had turned to mush on the inside? Like a rotten melon, the bigger point of Peter's message is that outer beauty is worthless without inner goodness. God desires for us to work much harder on our inner beauty than on outward appearances.
Today's Challenge
Take time today for a check-up of both your inner and outer beauty. How much time are you spending on the development of inner beauty, which comes from a gentle and quiet spirit? Are you taking care of your appearance with good grooming? Or are you trying to compensate for low self-worth by over-dressing? Make a commitment today to develop a gentle and quiet spirit through Bible study and fellowship with other mature Christians so that you can glow from the inside out.
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Patience Can Calm a Quarrel
We continue today with our discussion about patience as part of my series, Thriving in God's Garden We are learning to apply the fruit of the Spirit to our lives, as found in Galatians 5:22.
What are you bickering about?
Proverbs 15:18 (NIV) tells us, A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
We learned last week that a great deal of conflict stems from relationships with people who don't know God. What are you bickering about with them? Finances? The sharing of household duties? The way you spend your free time? Issues with child rearing? Something else?
We all have disagreements with others that try our patience. But if we can maintain our composure and take the time we need to avoid quarreling, we grow stronger and more confident. Exercising patience develops our ability to exhibit greater self-control.
Close your mouth and listen.
Often, an argument could be avoided if we simply took more time to listen. We get into shouting matches with people, because we want them to hear our point of view. We forget that theirs may be just as important.
So, if we find ourselves disagreeing loudly with someone, we need to zip our lips and try to use some patience. We should listen carefully to what is being said. Looking for underlying messages that the person may be having trouble expressing can be helpful.
Abusers talk in circles.
We discovered yesterday that wisdom helps us to be patient with others. Arguments with abusers may require more than patience. Knowing that abusive people tend to talk in circles can help us to reduce the number of arguments we have with them.
Circular arguing starts out with a disagreement about an issue, turns the blame on us, and then demands an apology for something we haven't done. For example, a husband may blame his wife for spoiling their evening together, even though she did her best to prepare dinner on time and put the children to bed on schedule.
In reality, the husband may have spoiled their time together with critical comments directed at his wife, impatience with the children, and unrealistic demands. When the wife tries to point out the obvious, he brings up numerous past incidents to make her feel guilty. When he demands an apology from her, her temper flares. She knows that most of the trouble is not her fault, but he's like a rabid dog that won't let her loose.
It is not easy to be patient with verbal abusers, because we know deep down that they're wrong when they blame us for things they have done. There is no winning an argument with them. So, instead of shouting louder or trying to use better logic on them, we must just end the conversation. We can quit talking or walk away.
Practice deflecting verbal abuse.
I learned a very helpful technique in deflecting the hurtful words of abusive people. Our body language can send a powerful message to them, which they pick up on much more quickly than words.
We can cross our arms, cross our legs, and look to the side. Most importantly, we must stop responding. These gestures work wonders to throw an abuser off balance. Within minutes, his blustering ends, and he walks away in frustration. Refusing to engage in quarreling with an abuser is an excellent way to develop patience. It also helps us move closer to recovery.
Today's Challenge
Practice deflecting an argument with an abusive person today. Try the body language suggested above and see what happens. Then, try to encourage conversation with someone else who is healthier by looking into their eyes, setting aside other tasks, and paraphrasing what they have said. This type of response to them helps us to develop patience and understanding.
What are you bickering about?
Proverbs 15:18 (NIV) tells us, A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
We learned last week that a great deal of conflict stems from relationships with people who don't know God. What are you bickering about with them? Finances? The sharing of household duties? The way you spend your free time? Issues with child rearing? Something else?
We all have disagreements with others that try our patience. But if we can maintain our composure and take the time we need to avoid quarreling, we grow stronger and more confident. Exercising patience develops our ability to exhibit greater self-control.
Close your mouth and listen.
Often, an argument could be avoided if we simply took more time to listen. We get into shouting matches with people, because we want them to hear our point of view. We forget that theirs may be just as important.
So, if we find ourselves disagreeing loudly with someone, we need to zip our lips and try to use some patience. We should listen carefully to what is being said. Looking for underlying messages that the person may be having trouble expressing can be helpful.
Abusers talk in circles.
We discovered yesterday that wisdom helps us to be patient with others. Arguments with abusers may require more than patience. Knowing that abusive people tend to talk in circles can help us to reduce the number of arguments we have with them.
Circular arguing starts out with a disagreement about an issue, turns the blame on us, and then demands an apology for something we haven't done. For example, a husband may blame his wife for spoiling their evening together, even though she did her best to prepare dinner on time and put the children to bed on schedule.
In reality, the husband may have spoiled their time together with critical comments directed at his wife, impatience with the children, and unrealistic demands. When the wife tries to point out the obvious, he brings up numerous past incidents to make her feel guilty. When he demands an apology from her, her temper flares. She knows that most of the trouble is not her fault, but he's like a rabid dog that won't let her loose.
It is not easy to be patient with verbal abusers, because we know deep down that they're wrong when they blame us for things they have done. There is no winning an argument with them. So, instead of shouting louder or trying to use better logic on them, we must just end the conversation. We can quit talking or walk away.
Practice deflecting verbal abuse.
I learned a very helpful technique in deflecting the hurtful words of abusive people. Our body language can send a powerful message to them, which they pick up on much more quickly than words.
We can cross our arms, cross our legs, and look to the side. Most importantly, we must stop responding. These gestures work wonders to throw an abuser off balance. Within minutes, his blustering ends, and he walks away in frustration. Refusing to engage in quarreling with an abuser is an excellent way to develop patience. It also helps us move closer to recovery.
Today's Challenge
Practice deflecting an argument with an abusive person today. Try the body language suggested above and see what happens. Then, try to encourage conversation with someone else who is healthier by looking into their eyes, setting aside other tasks, and paraphrasing what they have said. This type of response to them helps us to develop patience and understanding.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Are You a Peacekeeper or a Peacemaker?
We conclude this week's thoughts about peace with a question about whether we are peacekeepers or peacemakers. This marks week three in my nine-week series titled, Thriving in God's Garden.
Are you a peacekeeper or a peacemaker?
When I pose this question to people, they must stop and think what it means to be a peacekeeper versus a peacemaker. In my mind, a peacekeeper is a person who hates conflict and will do anything to avoid it. A peacemaker, on the other hand, is a person who is not afraid of conflict and is willing to butt heads with others to create positive change.
Most victims of childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence fall into the category of peacekeepers. They walk on eggshells or make themselves as close to invisible as they can in order to avoid further abuse.
I used to be a peacekeeper.
When I was younger, I was a peacekeeper. During my first marriage, I did everything in my power to make sure that I didn't anger my husband. If he insisted on his dinner being scalding hot at 5:15, I made sure it was on the table the instant he walked through the door. When he said that he never wanted to see any evidence that children lived in the house, I made sure that all of the toys and the kids were tucked away in the bedrooms before he came home.
As you can imagine, this did not create for a peaceful existence for me or for my children. As the kids grew older, they became expert peacekeepers, too. All of them headed straight for their bedrooms the minute they got off the school bus. Dinner was eaten in silence, and the kids disappeared again the instant they finished eating.
Today, I am a peacemaker.
My first glimpse of how different life could be if I gave up peacekeeping came about two weeks after I left my first husband. I was preparing dinner for the kids, and they all bounded into the eat-in area. While I was putting food on the table, I realized that they were all talking. It wasn't until they burst into peals of laughter for the first time in years that I saw clearly how much my peacekeeping efforts had been stifling their spirits.
I decided then that I would never walk on eggshells again, and I would teach my children to speak out against anything that they felt was immoral or unfair. Through many years of counseling, I learned how to role-play conversations with people who needed to be confronted. Eventually, I learned how to become a peacemaker. You can, too.
Peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground.
Someone once told me that abusers are just like cut-out paper tigers on a stage, with dry ice creating a smoke screen around them. If you blow on them, they fall over, and the fake smoke disappears.
It wasn't easy, but I eventually learned that peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground. Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) tells us, Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor. So, if someone does something wrong, the Bible tells us that we must tell them truthfully that what they did was wrong and that it hurt us.
Peacemaking initially results in greater conflict.
It is important to realize that peacemaking doesn't always create immediate peace between people. In fact, it may drive some people apart...which is sometimes better, anyway. When we speak the truth in love, we usually discover inner peace, even while we create external conflict with the people who have hurt us.
When we stand up for ourselves, we must accept that it is going to create conflict. But if we stick to our resolve that we will not allow others to abuse us, we soon learn that the bullies of this world move on to pick on weaker people. Yes, there will be conflict when we confront bullies, but eventually, they will take it with them when they leave us alone.
Stop lying to yourself and others.
Peacekeepers spend a lot of time lying about their feelings. They tell themselves that others haven't hurt them, even though they struggle with repressed anger and resentment. If internalized, anger and the words we would like to say can lead to very poor health and depression.
When abusive people hurt us, we may lie to them or to others about the abuse. We may cover up bruises, tell tales about how happy we are, or become perfectionists to cover up our pain. Whether our lies are verbal or something inherent in our actions, we must stop. If we truly want to live peaceful lives, we must speak out when things are amiss.
The fruit of the Spirit
This week, we've learned the importance of removing ourselves from conflicted relationships, trusting in God as our source of peace, leading simple and quiet lives to promote inner peace, and speaking the truth in love. Next week, we will look at ways to develop patience. Remember that this series is based on the fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. Have you memorized it yet?
Today's Challenge
Take some time today to consider whether you are a peacekeeper or a peacemaker. If you are prone to peacekeeping, find someone to help you learn how to stand up for yourself. Practice ways of speaking the truth in love when people hurt you.
Are you a peacekeeper or a peacemaker?
When I pose this question to people, they must stop and think what it means to be a peacekeeper versus a peacemaker. In my mind, a peacekeeper is a person who hates conflict and will do anything to avoid it. A peacemaker, on the other hand, is a person who is not afraid of conflict and is willing to butt heads with others to create positive change.
Most victims of childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence fall into the category of peacekeepers. They walk on eggshells or make themselves as close to invisible as they can in order to avoid further abuse.
I used to be a peacekeeper.
When I was younger, I was a peacekeeper. During my first marriage, I did everything in my power to make sure that I didn't anger my husband. If he insisted on his dinner being scalding hot at 5:15, I made sure it was on the table the instant he walked through the door. When he said that he never wanted to see any evidence that children lived in the house, I made sure that all of the toys and the kids were tucked away in the bedrooms before he came home.
As you can imagine, this did not create for a peaceful existence for me or for my children. As the kids grew older, they became expert peacekeepers, too. All of them headed straight for their bedrooms the minute they got off the school bus. Dinner was eaten in silence, and the kids disappeared again the instant they finished eating.
Today, I am a peacemaker.
My first glimpse of how different life could be if I gave up peacekeeping came about two weeks after I left my first husband. I was preparing dinner for the kids, and they all bounded into the eat-in area. While I was putting food on the table, I realized that they were all talking. It wasn't until they burst into peals of laughter for the first time in years that I saw clearly how much my peacekeeping efforts had been stifling their spirits.
I decided then that I would never walk on eggshells again, and I would teach my children to speak out against anything that they felt was immoral or unfair. Through many years of counseling, I learned how to role-play conversations with people who needed to be confronted. Eventually, I learned how to become a peacemaker. You can, too.
Peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground.
Someone once told me that abusers are just like cut-out paper tigers on a stage, with dry ice creating a smoke screen around them. If you blow on them, they fall over, and the fake smoke disappears.
It wasn't easy, but I eventually learned that peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground. Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) tells us, Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor. So, if someone does something wrong, the Bible tells us that we must tell them truthfully that what they did was wrong and that it hurt us.
Peacemaking initially results in greater conflict.
It is important to realize that peacemaking doesn't always create immediate peace between people. In fact, it may drive some people apart...which is sometimes better, anyway. When we speak the truth in love, we usually discover inner peace, even while we create external conflict with the people who have hurt us.
When we stand up for ourselves, we must accept that it is going to create conflict. But if we stick to our resolve that we will not allow others to abuse us, we soon learn that the bullies of this world move on to pick on weaker people. Yes, there will be conflict when we confront bullies, but eventually, they will take it with them when they leave us alone.
Stop lying to yourself and others.
Peacekeepers spend a lot of time lying about their feelings. They tell themselves that others haven't hurt them, even though they struggle with repressed anger and resentment. If internalized, anger and the words we would like to say can lead to very poor health and depression.
When abusive people hurt us, we may lie to them or to others about the abuse. We may cover up bruises, tell tales about how happy we are, or become perfectionists to cover up our pain. Whether our lies are verbal or something inherent in our actions, we must stop. If we truly want to live peaceful lives, we must speak out when things are amiss.
The fruit of the Spirit
This week, we've learned the importance of removing ourselves from conflicted relationships, trusting in God as our source of peace, leading simple and quiet lives to promote inner peace, and speaking the truth in love. Next week, we will look at ways to develop patience. Remember that this series is based on the fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. Have you memorized it yet?
Today's Challenge
Take some time today to consider whether you are a peacekeeper or a peacemaker. If you are prone to peacekeeping, find someone to help you learn how to stand up for yourself. Practice ways of speaking the truth in love when people hurt you.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Peace is Quiet
This week, we're learning about ways to achieve peace as we continue with our series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I'd like to address the issue of noise so that we can think about how it affects our inner peace.
How much noise do you hear each day?
We frequently complain about a lack of inner peace, but how often do we consider the lack of peace around us? Everywhere we go, there is noise. We can't go into a restaurant anymore without a TV blaring overhead. Stores feel that music playing overhead is necessary to make us comfortable as we shop.
Cell phones ring constantly, interrupting our thoughts and conversations. The people around us talk incessantly, filling the air with mindless gossip and idle chatter.
The noise of living in large cities adds to the volume: school buses, cars, motorcycles, and trucks create background din that we don't even pay attention to after a while. Even while we sleep, the distant whir of traffic never ends.
Be still.
All of this hub-bub robs us of our inner peace. The sad part is that most people don't even realize that noise is an issue.
Psalm 46:10 reads, Be still and know that I am God. Whenever I feel my peace slipping away, I go to a quiet place and think about this verse. When we are quiet, we can feel God's presence. We can capture his thoughts if we get away from the noise of our world and step into the quiet of his.
Create a quiet life.
One of the blessings of having multiple sclerosis is that I have days when I can't hear much of anything. At first, this seemed like a curse, but I came to understand that it was a relief. I can make my way through a world filled with obnoxious noise and hear very little of it.
On days when I can hear well, I strive to keep noise to a minimum. Right now, the only sounds I can hear are the birds singing outside and the gentle whir of my computer. From time to time, the refrigerator kicks on, but other than that, my house and work space are silent.
I do not have a radio in my car, and I really love the silence. While I'm driving, I pray or think. My mind is not being filled with endless radio advertising, and I arrive at my destinations feeling at peace.
If I fill my head with the noise of radio, TV, and conversations, there is no room left for the novel plots that I am creating. I lose track of the ideas I am mulling over for my blog posts.
How much noise are you hearing in your world? What can you do to reduce the volume? What can you do better if you live in a quieter world?
Today's Challenge
Spend some time today making note of the noise that surrounds you. Is there anything you can do to quiet some of it? Try to turn off the radio, TV, and phone. Sit outside and listen for the sounds of nature. In the quiet, ask God to fill you with his peace.
How much noise do you hear each day?
We frequently complain about a lack of inner peace, but how often do we consider the lack of peace around us? Everywhere we go, there is noise. We can't go into a restaurant anymore without a TV blaring overhead. Stores feel that music playing overhead is necessary to make us comfortable as we shop.
Cell phones ring constantly, interrupting our thoughts and conversations. The people around us talk incessantly, filling the air with mindless gossip and idle chatter.
The noise of living in large cities adds to the volume: school buses, cars, motorcycles, and trucks create background din that we don't even pay attention to after a while. Even while we sleep, the distant whir of traffic never ends.
Be still.
All of this hub-bub robs us of our inner peace. The sad part is that most people don't even realize that noise is an issue.
Psalm 46:10 reads, Be still and know that I am God. Whenever I feel my peace slipping away, I go to a quiet place and think about this verse. When we are quiet, we can feel God's presence. We can capture his thoughts if we get away from the noise of our world and step into the quiet of his.
Create a quiet life.
One of the blessings of having multiple sclerosis is that I have days when I can't hear much of anything. At first, this seemed like a curse, but I came to understand that it was a relief. I can make my way through a world filled with obnoxious noise and hear very little of it.
On days when I can hear well, I strive to keep noise to a minimum. Right now, the only sounds I can hear are the birds singing outside and the gentle whir of my computer. From time to time, the refrigerator kicks on, but other than that, my house and work space are silent.
I do not have a radio in my car, and I really love the silence. While I'm driving, I pray or think. My mind is not being filled with endless radio advertising, and I arrive at my destinations feeling at peace.
If I fill my head with the noise of radio, TV, and conversations, there is no room left for the novel plots that I am creating. I lose track of the ideas I am mulling over for my blog posts.
How much noise are you hearing in your world? What can you do to reduce the volume? What can you do better if you live in a quieter world?
Today's Challenge
Spend some time today making note of the noise that surrounds you. Is there anything you can do to quiet some of it? Try to turn off the radio, TV, and phone. Sit outside and listen for the sounds of nature. In the quiet, ask God to fill you with his peace.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Lead Quiet Lives
We're learning about ways to live more peacefully this week as we continue with my series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I would like to address the importance of leading quiet lives that promote inner peace.
How quiet is your life?
In our quest for peace, many of us struggle to find inner calm because of the clutter that surrounds us. Our stuff may not be piled as high as the rubble in tsunami-stricken Japan, but an excess of possessions in our homes can certainly feel just as overwhelming.
Whenever my house becomes cluttered, I find it difficult to function. Unopened mail on my desk distracts me from my writing. A sink filled with dirty dishes robs me of any desire to cook the next meal. A garage full of useless and broken stuff prevents me from parking my car in a dry place. Wherever clutter reigns, peace no longer exists.
God directs us to lead quiet lives.
Jesus' brother, James, wrote: Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own businss and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders... (James 4:11-12 NIV)
What kind of message is your home sending to others? Is it a place of chaos or a peaceful sanctuary? Are you modeling a quiet life of peace for your friends and family? Or is your home a place of disorder?
Find satisfaction in living more simply.
We live in a country where we are blessed beyond belief with an abundance of personal goods. Most people in the world only have one set of clothing, which is torn and threadbare. Many don't even own one pair of shoes.
How many pairs of shoes do we really need? Two, three, or thirty? Every time we spend money on excessive items, we give up an opportunity to do something helpful with it...such as saving for retirement or giving to our favorite charity.
And with each new acquisition, our home seems to become smaller and smaller. Eventually, we are dissatisfied with the size of our houses, and we upgrade to bigger ones with larger garages and closets.
It all begins with the purchase of a pair of shoes, but eventually we find ourselves unable to sleep at night, because we're struggling to make ends meet in our oversized houses filled to capacity with stuff. The more stuff we have, the less peace we experience.
Start somewhere.
Clutter has become such an issue in our society that there are actually TV shows about people who hoard things. They cannot bear to throw anything away, and they end up living in small corners of their homes which are free from junk.
When we find ourselves losing our peace over the issue of having too much stuff, we must start somewhere to clear our space. When I look at a room that is overflowing with stuff, I promise myself that I will begin by simply throwing away, putting away, or giving away 20 items.
I begin counting, and I usually forget that I have limited myself to 20 items. Just starting with one small goal gives me the ability to go further. Before I know it, I have cleaned out an entire drawer, or a closet, or a room.
I urge you to consider how much peace you're sacrificing every time you make a purchase. Consider how much money, space, and maintenance the item will require. Is it worth it?
Today's Challenge
Walk through each room of your house today, as well as your garage and yard. What kind of message are you sending to the rest of the world? Is your home a place of quiet order and peace? Or is it a disaster area? Make a commitment today to start eliminating clutter, 20 items at a time.
How quiet is your life?
In our quest for peace, many of us struggle to find inner calm because of the clutter that surrounds us. Our stuff may not be piled as high as the rubble in tsunami-stricken Japan, but an excess of possessions in our homes can certainly feel just as overwhelming.
Whenever my house becomes cluttered, I find it difficult to function. Unopened mail on my desk distracts me from my writing. A sink filled with dirty dishes robs me of any desire to cook the next meal. A garage full of useless and broken stuff prevents me from parking my car in a dry place. Wherever clutter reigns, peace no longer exists.
God directs us to lead quiet lives.
Jesus' brother, James, wrote: Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own businss and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders... (James 4:11-12 NIV)
What kind of message is your home sending to others? Is it a place of chaos or a peaceful sanctuary? Are you modeling a quiet life of peace for your friends and family? Or is your home a place of disorder?
Find satisfaction in living more simply.
We live in a country where we are blessed beyond belief with an abundance of personal goods. Most people in the world only have one set of clothing, which is torn and threadbare. Many don't even own one pair of shoes.
How many pairs of shoes do we really need? Two, three, or thirty? Every time we spend money on excessive items, we give up an opportunity to do something helpful with it...such as saving for retirement or giving to our favorite charity.
And with each new acquisition, our home seems to become smaller and smaller. Eventually, we are dissatisfied with the size of our houses, and we upgrade to bigger ones with larger garages and closets.
It all begins with the purchase of a pair of shoes, but eventually we find ourselves unable to sleep at night, because we're struggling to make ends meet in our oversized houses filled to capacity with stuff. The more stuff we have, the less peace we experience.
Start somewhere.
Clutter has become such an issue in our society that there are actually TV shows about people who hoard things. They cannot bear to throw anything away, and they end up living in small corners of their homes which are free from junk.
When we find ourselves losing our peace over the issue of having too much stuff, we must start somewhere to clear our space. When I look at a room that is overflowing with stuff, I promise myself that I will begin by simply throwing away, putting away, or giving away 20 items.
I begin counting, and I usually forget that I have limited myself to 20 items. Just starting with one small goal gives me the ability to go further. Before I know it, I have cleaned out an entire drawer, or a closet, or a room.
I urge you to consider how much peace you're sacrificing every time you make a purchase. Consider how much money, space, and maintenance the item will require. Is it worth it?
Today's Challenge
Walk through each room of your house today, as well as your garage and yard. What kind of message are you sending to the rest of the world? Is your home a place of quiet order and peace? Or is it a disaster area? Make a commitment today to start eliminating clutter, 20 items at a time.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Conflict is the Absence of Peace
We will be learning this week about how to achieve peace in our ongoing series, Thriving in God's Garden. This study is based on the fruit of the Spirit, which is found in Galatians 5:22 (NIV): But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentlenesss and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Got peace?
Before we talk about how to achieve peace, I would like to address what happens when we have an absence of it. Because if we have a disagreement with someone, it can affect everything we do.
If we allow a conflict to go on without speaking our peace, forgiving one another, and reconciling; we can get stuck in a very uncomfortable place. We may find ourselves dreaming about the problem, thinking about the disagreement instead of working, and suffering from depression and physical ailments. We know that we must settle the problem so that we can get back to the business of living.
Some disagreements are relatively easy to settle. When we say something that our spouse takes the wrong way, and he lashes back in defense mode, all it takes is a short discussion to get things back on track.
But when our disagreement involves something as serious as childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, or criminal acts; it is much more difficult to achieve a sense of inner peace. We long for an opportunity to settle the matter so that we can begin our lives over again.
God knows the way to peace.
God's Word reminds us that he desires peace for us, but we get ourselves into situations where we can never achieve it. Isaiah 48:17-22 (NIV) reads:
This is what the Lord says--your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea. Your descendents would have been like the sand, your children like its numberless grains; their name would never be cut off nor destroyed from before me."
Leave Babylon, flee from the Babylonians! Announce this with shouts of joy and proclaim it out to the ends of the earth; say, 'The Lord has redeemed his servant Jacob.' They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts; he made water flow for them from the rock; he split the rock and water gushed out. "There is no peace" says the Lord, "for the wicked."
God knows when we have strayed into wrong relationships, and he will lead us away from them to a place of safety if we trust him. Just as he told the Israelites of long ago to flee from the wicked Babylonians, he is telling us today to flee from wicked people. With them, there can never be peace.
Go to a peaceful place.
If we find ourselves in situations where people are continuing to abuse us or commit crimes against us, we cannot find the lasting peace God wants us to have there. We must find a peaceful place where we can work on restoring our souls.
Sometimes, we are not in a position to remove ourselves from the house or apartment that we share with an abusive partner. In cases like this, finding a little space where we find peace can be a good beginning.
In my first marriage, I discovered a place of safety in the bonus room over our garage. I bought a dead-bolt lock, installed it on the door, and barricaded myself in that room at night so that I could sleep. In my sanctuary, I had time to think about other things besides defending myself against further abuse.
When we find ourselves living like this, our first thoughts should be about how we are going to move to a place of peace. I considered going to a safe house, but doing so would have created tremendous upheaval for my children.
I met women during this time in my life who were running with their children from one safe house to the next. They were terrified of being caught by their abusers, and they lived like criminals on the run. Sadly, the government often treats such abused women as kidnappers when their spouses file charges against them for denying them access to the children.
And when the situation really escalates out of control, women on the run are found dead...murdered by their abusers. I was shocked when I discovered that one of the women in my discussion group had been killed by her husband. He had beaten her to a pulp, and when she tried to run, he drove over her with the family car.
Statistics tell us that 70 percent of women who try to leave abusive relationships are murdered. This is a sobering number, and it ought to make us think hard about how we are going to remove ourselves and our children safely.
Get help.
It is best to enlist the aid of a professional therapist and the police when attempting to leave an abusive relationship. The therapist bolsters our courage, and the police keep an eye on the abuser.
Before leaving, it is imperative to file for a restraining order. This is a court order that is free and relatively easy to obtain. In my state, all I had to do was prove that my abuser had harmed me twice within a span of two weeks.
The proof can be hand-written documentation of threats, photos of injuries, receipts from emergency room treatments, recordings of telephone messages, and so on. The court tends to err on the side of the person claiming the abuse, because people's lives are at stake.
Eventually, there must be a hearing to prove these claims, so this is where the therapist is helpful. It can be terrifying to face an abuser in court, but there are many supportive people who can stand by us in the process.
Conflict leaves many scars.
Achieving a sense of peace takes a long time after surviving an abusive relationship. For years afterward, we may find ourselves looking over our shoulders, expecting our abusers to be following us home.
We often develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of the terror that we have experienced, both within the relationship and after it has ended. It may take us 10 to 20 years to overcome the trauma, provided we have the right therapist helping us. Without help, we may never recover.
It is impossible to achieve a sense of peace if we live in abusive or highly conflicted relationships. I pray that my readers will take action if they find themselves in such a place. Tomorrow, we will look at how to create new lives for ourselves that provide us with more than basic safety.
Today's Challenge
If you are living in an abusive relationship, take steps today to provide yourself and your children with a safe haven. Call or visit a women's shelter for advice on how to safely leave. Take action by making a commitment to meet regularly with a therapist who is well-trained in assisting abused women.
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Got peace?
Before we talk about how to achieve peace, I would like to address what happens when we have an absence of it. Because if we have a disagreement with someone, it can affect everything we do.
If we allow a conflict to go on without speaking our peace, forgiving one another, and reconciling; we can get stuck in a very uncomfortable place. We may find ourselves dreaming about the problem, thinking about the disagreement instead of working, and suffering from depression and physical ailments. We know that we must settle the problem so that we can get back to the business of living.
Some disagreements are relatively easy to settle. When we say something that our spouse takes the wrong way, and he lashes back in defense mode, all it takes is a short discussion to get things back on track.
But when our disagreement involves something as serious as childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, or criminal acts; it is much more difficult to achieve a sense of inner peace. We long for an opportunity to settle the matter so that we can begin our lives over again.
God knows the way to peace.
God's Word reminds us that he desires peace for us, but we get ourselves into situations where we can never achieve it. Isaiah 48:17-22 (NIV) reads:
This is what the Lord says--your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea. Your descendents would have been like the sand, your children like its numberless grains; their name would never be cut off nor destroyed from before me."
Leave Babylon, flee from the Babylonians! Announce this with shouts of joy and proclaim it out to the ends of the earth; say, 'The Lord has redeemed his servant Jacob.' They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts; he made water flow for them from the rock; he split the rock and water gushed out. "There is no peace" says the Lord, "for the wicked."
God knows when we have strayed into wrong relationships, and he will lead us away from them to a place of safety if we trust him. Just as he told the Israelites of long ago to flee from the wicked Babylonians, he is telling us today to flee from wicked people. With them, there can never be peace.
Go to a peaceful place.
If we find ourselves in situations where people are continuing to abuse us or commit crimes against us, we cannot find the lasting peace God wants us to have there. We must find a peaceful place where we can work on restoring our souls.
Sometimes, we are not in a position to remove ourselves from the house or apartment that we share with an abusive partner. In cases like this, finding a little space where we find peace can be a good beginning.
In my first marriage, I discovered a place of safety in the bonus room over our garage. I bought a dead-bolt lock, installed it on the door, and barricaded myself in that room at night so that I could sleep. In my sanctuary, I had time to think about other things besides defending myself against further abuse.
When we find ourselves living like this, our first thoughts should be about how we are going to move to a place of peace. I considered going to a safe house, but doing so would have created tremendous upheaval for my children.
I met women during this time in my life who were running with their children from one safe house to the next. They were terrified of being caught by their abusers, and they lived like criminals on the run. Sadly, the government often treats such abused women as kidnappers when their spouses file charges against them for denying them access to the children.
And when the situation really escalates out of control, women on the run are found dead...murdered by their abusers. I was shocked when I discovered that one of the women in my discussion group had been killed by her husband. He had beaten her to a pulp, and when she tried to run, he drove over her with the family car.
Statistics tell us that 70 percent of women who try to leave abusive relationships are murdered. This is a sobering number, and it ought to make us think hard about how we are going to remove ourselves and our children safely.
Get help.
It is best to enlist the aid of a professional therapist and the police when attempting to leave an abusive relationship. The therapist bolsters our courage, and the police keep an eye on the abuser.
Before leaving, it is imperative to file for a restraining order. This is a court order that is free and relatively easy to obtain. In my state, all I had to do was prove that my abuser had harmed me twice within a span of two weeks.
The proof can be hand-written documentation of threats, photos of injuries, receipts from emergency room treatments, recordings of telephone messages, and so on. The court tends to err on the side of the person claiming the abuse, because people's lives are at stake.
Eventually, there must be a hearing to prove these claims, so this is where the therapist is helpful. It can be terrifying to face an abuser in court, but there are many supportive people who can stand by us in the process.
Conflict leaves many scars.
Achieving a sense of peace takes a long time after surviving an abusive relationship. For years afterward, we may find ourselves looking over our shoulders, expecting our abusers to be following us home.
We often develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of the terror that we have experienced, both within the relationship and after it has ended. It may take us 10 to 20 years to overcome the trauma, provided we have the right therapist helping us. Without help, we may never recover.
It is impossible to achieve a sense of peace if we live in abusive or highly conflicted relationships. I pray that my readers will take action if they find themselves in such a place. Tomorrow, we will look at how to create new lives for ourselves that provide us with more than basic safety.
Today's Challenge
If you are living in an abusive relationship, take steps today to provide yourself and your children with a safe haven. Call or visit a women's shelter for advice on how to safely leave. Take action by making a commitment to meet regularly with a therapist who is well-trained in assisting abused women.
Subscribe to Hope Among the Ashes
To place my posts on your email home page, click on the link on the right side of the page that reads Subscribe to Hope Among the Ashes. Select your email host from the drop-down menu, and you'll receive a daily reminder when I post something new.
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Fruit of the Spirit
Today, we begin a new series, Thriving in God's Garden. This study is based on the fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22 (NIV):
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
In my previous series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, we discovered that abuse or trauma can leave us feeling angry, fearful, mistrusting, guilty, vengeful, prideful, hateful, or depressed. It destroys our self-esteem. If we take away these things from our spirits, we must replace them with something better.
What better place to begin than learning how to grow the fruit of the Spirit in our own souls? Removing old, useless feelings and replacing them with positive thoughts and actions helps us to grow spiritually, emotionally, and socially. And I believe that when we are balanced in these three ways, our physical health improves, too.
Today's Challenge
Write Galatians 5:22 on something that you will be sure to see every day. I would like you to commit it to memory so that when you feel yourself slipping back into old patterns, you can use this verse to re-focus. Be creative with where you write it. When I decided to memorize it, I wrote it on a saw horse that I was using while building a garden project. Within a week, I had it memorized.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
In my previous series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, we discovered that abuse or trauma can leave us feeling angry, fearful, mistrusting, guilty, vengeful, prideful, hateful, or depressed. It destroys our self-esteem. If we take away these things from our spirits, we must replace them with something better.
What better place to begin than learning how to grow the fruit of the Spirit in our own souls? Removing old, useless feelings and replacing them with positive thoughts and actions helps us to grow spiritually, emotionally, and socially. And I believe that when we are balanced in these three ways, our physical health improves, too.
Today's Challenge
Write Galatians 5:22 on something that you will be sure to see every day. I would like you to commit it to memory so that when you feel yourself slipping back into old patterns, you can use this verse to re-focus. Be creative with where you write it. When I decided to memorize it, I wrote it on a saw horse that I was using while building a garden project. Within a week, I had it memorized.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
God Desires Peace
As we continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, we focus today on the seventh of ten attributes that make up God's character: peace.
God's peace is more than just the absence of conflict.
While Webster's Dictionary defines peace as the absence of war or other hostilities, the concept of God's peace means so much more. God's peace is an absence of all confusion and disorder. The apostle Paul reminded believers in the early church, "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace." (I Cor 14:33 NIV)
In God's mind, peace goes far beyond the absence of war. Peace can be found in the crystals of a snowflake that are so mathematically perfect, mankind can barely fathom its creation. Peace can be seen in the way that a person comes to believing faith in Christ after numerous experiences have softened his heart. Everything that God creates is begun with peace: an orderly plan that changes confusion into understanding and brings order to chaos.
If things are chaotic or in a state of disorder, it is because mankind's sin has created confusion. For instance, God desires marriage to be the union of one man and one woman for a lifetime. We've created chaos with same-sex marriages and divorce. People who abuse their spouses or molest their children are disturbing the peace that God wants for marriage and family.
God never stops working to orchestrate peace.
God is fully in control of maintaining a well-ordered world. He uses his infinite wisdom, knowledge, and power to bring about countless activities that have the potential to create greater peace. God never stops working, as we can see in Psalm 121:4 (NIV): He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
Sometimes, our lives feel as if they are completely out of control. Abuse can leave us feeling so bitter toward our enemy and toward God that we don't know how to regain balance. In spite of our confusion, God is never perplexed about what to do with any given situation. But we must turn to him for answers about how to get our lives back in alignment with his plans for peace.
God wants us to imitate him to bring about his peace.
Christians can use Galatians 5:22 (NIV) as a measuring stick for determining whether or not they are imitating God's character. The verse reads, But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
As a tree bears edible fruit, Christians are called to bear spiritual fruit--actions which allow the rest of the world to see that they are imitators of Jesus Christ. What are you doing to bring about God's peace in your corner of the world?
Forgiveness requires us to understand God's peace.
When we attempt to forgive people who have abused or traumatized us, it can be very difficult if we don't apply these principles of God's peace to the situation. Remember, God's peace doesn't necessarily mean an absence of conflict.
In fact, Jesus said, "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man's enemies will be the members of his own household. (Matthew 10:34-36 NIV)
Jesus was pointing out in this passage that there cannot be peace between his children and the devil's children. Conflict occurs all the time between members of the same household, because some follow God's ways, and others follow Satan's ways.
When members of our family filed charges against my father for sexually abusing them, believe me when I say that these actions did not bring about peace. Conflict of the greatest magnitude imaginable ensued.
But the conflict didn't begin with the legal charges; it began with my father's sin of molesting innocent children. There was no outward sign of conflict until the grandchildren pointed out that there was disagreement between God's plan for order and their grandfather's actions.
If we attempt to create peace (an absence of conflict) between people of the Light and people who prefer darkness; we put ourselves into an impossible situation where we will never experience God's peaceful order. Hiding the truth about childhood sexual abuse or refusing to take a stand against it will not bring about peace. Don't confuse God's plans for peace with our plans to avoid conflict.
Today's Challenge
Are you the type of person who avoids conflict at all costs? Doing so may be costing you true peace. God may be allowing conflict in your life to teach you how to re-establish his design for order. If your life is chaotic, look to God's Word for clues about how your plans might be out of sync with his. Burying the truth about childhood sexual abuse under avoidance, overwork, or addictions will not make it go away. Make whatever changes are necessary to re-establish order according to God's ways, not yours.
God's peace is more than just the absence of conflict.
While Webster's Dictionary defines peace as the absence of war or other hostilities, the concept of God's peace means so much more. God's peace is an absence of all confusion and disorder. The apostle Paul reminded believers in the early church, "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace." (I Cor 14:33 NIV)
In God's mind, peace goes far beyond the absence of war. Peace can be found in the crystals of a snowflake that are so mathematically perfect, mankind can barely fathom its creation. Peace can be seen in the way that a person comes to believing faith in Christ after numerous experiences have softened his heart. Everything that God creates is begun with peace: an orderly plan that changes confusion into understanding and brings order to chaos.
If things are chaotic or in a state of disorder, it is because mankind's sin has created confusion. For instance, God desires marriage to be the union of one man and one woman for a lifetime. We've created chaos with same-sex marriages and divorce. People who abuse their spouses or molest their children are disturbing the peace that God wants for marriage and family.
God never stops working to orchestrate peace.
God is fully in control of maintaining a well-ordered world. He uses his infinite wisdom, knowledge, and power to bring about countless activities that have the potential to create greater peace. God never stops working, as we can see in Psalm 121:4 (NIV): He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
Sometimes, our lives feel as if they are completely out of control. Abuse can leave us feeling so bitter toward our enemy and toward God that we don't know how to regain balance. In spite of our confusion, God is never perplexed about what to do with any given situation. But we must turn to him for answers about how to get our lives back in alignment with his plans for peace.
God wants us to imitate him to bring about his peace.
Christians can use Galatians 5:22 (NIV) as a measuring stick for determining whether or not they are imitating God's character. The verse reads, But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
As a tree bears edible fruit, Christians are called to bear spiritual fruit--actions which allow the rest of the world to see that they are imitators of Jesus Christ. What are you doing to bring about God's peace in your corner of the world?
Forgiveness requires us to understand God's peace.
When we attempt to forgive people who have abused or traumatized us, it can be very difficult if we don't apply these principles of God's peace to the situation. Remember, God's peace doesn't necessarily mean an absence of conflict.
In fact, Jesus said, "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man's enemies will be the members of his own household. (Matthew 10:34-36 NIV)
Jesus was pointing out in this passage that there cannot be peace between his children and the devil's children. Conflict occurs all the time between members of the same household, because some follow God's ways, and others follow Satan's ways.
When members of our family filed charges against my father for sexually abusing them, believe me when I say that these actions did not bring about peace. Conflict of the greatest magnitude imaginable ensued.
But the conflict didn't begin with the legal charges; it began with my father's sin of molesting innocent children. There was no outward sign of conflict until the grandchildren pointed out that there was disagreement between God's plan for order and their grandfather's actions.
If we attempt to create peace (an absence of conflict) between people of the Light and people who prefer darkness; we put ourselves into an impossible situation where we will never experience God's peaceful order. Hiding the truth about childhood sexual abuse or refusing to take a stand against it will not bring about peace. Don't confuse God's plans for peace with our plans to avoid conflict.
Today's Challenge
Are you the type of person who avoids conflict at all costs? Doing so may be costing you true peace. God may be allowing conflict in your life to teach you how to re-establish his design for order. If your life is chaotic, look to God's Word for clues about how your plans might be out of sync with his. Burying the truth about childhood sexual abuse under avoidance, overwork, or addictions will not make it go away. Make whatever changes are necessary to re-establish order according to God's ways, not yours.
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