I've been off the radar for a few days, because MS has knocked me for a loop. I don't like to let my readers down, and it has been bothering me that I haven't had the strength to continue writing. However, the experience has taught me, once again, that we can always find some good in suffering.
I was lying in bed last night, suffering from so much pain that I wished I could die. Not only did my joints and muscles hurt, but my spirit was in agony. I'd been having recurring nightmares again about my parents, and the images left me feeling so depressed, I could hardly stand to breathe.
I prayed that God would give me some relief. Instead, he whispered that I should be looking for the good in my suffering. Suddenly, I realized that whenever I'm in such bad shape, I lean harder on God. It dawned on me that when I'm sick, I have to trust him completely. In that instant, it didn't matter anymore that everything hurt. I felt God's nearness, and I knew that I could endure anything together with him.
In the old testament, Joseph's brothers threw him into a pit to kill him. But when some slave traders came along, they decided instead to sell him. Later in life, when Joseph was serving as one of the most powerful leaders of Egypt, his brothers approached him for help. A famine in their land was wiping out the population.
When they discovered that this great leader was their brother, whom they had tried to kill, they were terrified. But Joseph forgave them and said, You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Gen 50:20 NIV)
I have really been struggling with thoughts about what I would like to say to my parents about my dad molesting my daughter, as well as his molesting me as a child. I finally sat down yesterday and wrote a six-page letter. I told them how they had hurt me and that I needed them to admit the truth about what they had done. I asked them to apologize, but only if they sincerely understood how much damage they had done.
I concluded the letter with a list of things they had done well as parents, ending with the statement that God can take the most awful childhood and make something beautiful out of it.
As a result of my unhappy experiences, I have developed a voice for all victims, which I express through the written word. My parents meant to harm me, but God intended that suffering for good to accomplish what is now being done, the encouraging of many wounded souls.
Thank you for your understanding about my recent silence. Next week, we will continue with my series, Confident in God's Hands.
Today's Challenge
Take a look at your past and acknowledge the pain you have experienced. Then, reflect on how God may be using that suffering to carry out his plans and draw you into a relationship with him. Put your thoughts in writing, and if it is safe to do so, mail it off to the person who hurt you. Remind them that God will use the pain they imposed on you to accomplish something important.
Showing posts with label suffering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suffering. Show all posts
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Bullies Never Win
Our discussion this week is centered on the concept of gentleness and is a continuation of my nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I'd like to concentrate on bullying, since it has become so prevalent in recent years.
We've all met at least one bully.
When I was about four years old, there were two bullies in my neighborhood. One was a teenage boy who approached me one afternoon while I was sitting on my front steps. In his hand, he was carrying the old washing machine hose that my dad had thrown in the trash the night before.
Without provocation, the boy walked up to me and began beating me with that rubber hose. I tried to protect myself by curling up in a ball, but he simply kept hitting me over and over. At the time, I remember wondering why anyone would do something so cruel. Eventually, he stopped, tossed the hose back into the trash can, and walked away.
The second bully I grew up with was a girl who was two years older than I was. Relentlessly, she picked on me during our one-mile walk to and from school. She waited in the bushes until I passed by, and then jumped out to tackle me to the ground. Other days, she tripped me, pinched me, slapped me, or stole my lunch from me.
One afternoon, the bully tried to wrench my lunch box from my hand. That was her first mistake, because that box belonged to my brother. He'd warned me that morning not to lose it or mess it up. For years, I had allowed this girl to pick on me, but I was determined not to let her spoil my brother's favorite lunch box.
With all the strength I could muster, I windmilled her over the head with that metal lunchbox. To my surprise, her knees buckled, and I walked the rest of the way home in peace.
The following day, the bully's sister told me that the family had spent the evening in the emergency room. Apparently, my brother's lunch box had given the bully a concussion. I felt badly for her, but at the same time, my actions brought me some relief: she never picked on me again.
I'm not advocating violence here, but I do wish to make the point that if we allow bullies to pick on us, they will not stop. It is imperative that we find a way to dissuade bullies, either by traveling through life in groups or by involving someone more powerful than the bully to put an end to his actions. This may include supportive friends, neighbors, or even the police.
Scratch a bully, find a victim.
We can all relate to the feelings of helplessness that bullying creates. But do we ever take the time to understand a bully?
A counselor once told me, "Sratch a bully, find a victim." What she meant by that phrase was that if you scratch through the mean surface, most bullies were once themselves victims of bullying or abuse. They don't know how to appropriately express their anger, so they take it out on weaker people.
Understanding the bully does not mean that we condone his actions. But perhaps knowing why he behaves as he does will help us to pray for him to change.
God is never a bully.
We are learning how to be gentle, and one way of doing that is to study God's character. He never bullies anyone.
The story of Job's suffering from significant losses and illness gives us a glimpse into God's character, as well as Job's. In spite of all the challenges that God allowed Job to endure, Job never blamed God for his afflictions.
Job said, "It's true that God is all-powerful, but he doesn't bully innocent people. For the wicked, though, it's a different story— he doesn't give them the time of day, but champions the rights of their victims. He never takes his eyes off the righteous; he honors them lavishly, promotes them endlessly. When things go badly, when affliction and suffering descend, God tells them where they've gone wrong, shows them how their pride has caused their trouble. He forces them to heed his warning, tells them they must repent of their bad life. If they obey and serve him, they'll have a good, long life on easy street. But if they disobey, they'll be cut down in their prime and never know the first thing about life. Angry people without God pile grievance upon grievance, always blaming others for their troubles. Living it up in sexual excesses, virility wasted, they die young. But those who learn from their suffering, God delivers from their suffering.
(Job 36:5 MSG)
Gentle people have learned from their mistakes.
The passage above shows us that we may, at times, come to the conclusion that our troubles were a result of someone else's evil actions or of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. In such instances, we can rely on God to help us understand, as Job did.
At other times, we may suffer as a result of our own sin or pride. During these instances, we must admit that we've gotten ourselves into a jam through our own errors. Then, we must humble ourselves, admit our mistakes, and learn from them. In the process, gentleness grows.
The bully does not take advantage of this learning curve. He remains angry with God, and he takes it out on everyone around him. He continues doing things his own way, without regard for whom he is hurting. His life rarely improves, because he refuses to look inward.
As survivors of abuse, we must make sure that we are continually looking inward. With a spirit of humility and reliance on God's grace, we can admit our faults so that we can grow ever more gentle. And when we encounter bullies, we can pray for them. Developing such wonderful understanding leads us even closer to the gentle spirit we desire.
Today's Challenge
Were you bullied as a child? Write down how you felt at the time and how you responded. What would you do differently today?
We've all met at least one bully.
When I was about four years old, there were two bullies in my neighborhood. One was a teenage boy who approached me one afternoon while I was sitting on my front steps. In his hand, he was carrying the old washing machine hose that my dad had thrown in the trash the night before.
Without provocation, the boy walked up to me and began beating me with that rubber hose. I tried to protect myself by curling up in a ball, but he simply kept hitting me over and over. At the time, I remember wondering why anyone would do something so cruel. Eventually, he stopped, tossed the hose back into the trash can, and walked away.
The second bully I grew up with was a girl who was two years older than I was. Relentlessly, she picked on me during our one-mile walk to and from school. She waited in the bushes until I passed by, and then jumped out to tackle me to the ground. Other days, she tripped me, pinched me, slapped me, or stole my lunch from me.
One afternoon, the bully tried to wrench my lunch box from my hand. That was her first mistake, because that box belonged to my brother. He'd warned me that morning not to lose it or mess it up. For years, I had allowed this girl to pick on me, but I was determined not to let her spoil my brother's favorite lunch box.
With all the strength I could muster, I windmilled her over the head with that metal lunchbox. To my surprise, her knees buckled, and I walked the rest of the way home in peace.
The following day, the bully's sister told me that the family had spent the evening in the emergency room. Apparently, my brother's lunch box had given the bully a concussion. I felt badly for her, but at the same time, my actions brought me some relief: she never picked on me again.
I'm not advocating violence here, but I do wish to make the point that if we allow bullies to pick on us, they will not stop. It is imperative that we find a way to dissuade bullies, either by traveling through life in groups or by involving someone more powerful than the bully to put an end to his actions. This may include supportive friends, neighbors, or even the police.
Scratch a bully, find a victim.
We can all relate to the feelings of helplessness that bullying creates. But do we ever take the time to understand a bully?
A counselor once told me, "Sratch a bully, find a victim." What she meant by that phrase was that if you scratch through the mean surface, most bullies were once themselves victims of bullying or abuse. They don't know how to appropriately express their anger, so they take it out on weaker people.
Understanding the bully does not mean that we condone his actions. But perhaps knowing why he behaves as he does will help us to pray for him to change.
God is never a bully.
We are learning how to be gentle, and one way of doing that is to study God's character. He never bullies anyone.
The story of Job's suffering from significant losses and illness gives us a glimpse into God's character, as well as Job's. In spite of all the challenges that God allowed Job to endure, Job never blamed God for his afflictions.
Job said, "It's true that God is all-powerful, but he doesn't bully innocent people. For the wicked, though, it's a different story— he doesn't give them the time of day, but champions the rights of their victims. He never takes his eyes off the righteous; he honors them lavishly, promotes them endlessly. When things go badly, when affliction and suffering descend, God tells them where they've gone wrong, shows them how their pride has caused their trouble. He forces them to heed his warning, tells them they must repent of their bad life. If they obey and serve him, they'll have a good, long life on easy street. But if they disobey, they'll be cut down in their prime and never know the first thing about life. Angry people without God pile grievance upon grievance, always blaming others for their troubles. Living it up in sexual excesses, virility wasted, they die young. But those who learn from their suffering, God delivers from their suffering.
(Job 36:5 MSG)
Gentle people have learned from their mistakes.
The passage above shows us that we may, at times, come to the conclusion that our troubles were a result of someone else's evil actions or of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. In such instances, we can rely on God to help us understand, as Job did.
At other times, we may suffer as a result of our own sin or pride. During these instances, we must admit that we've gotten ourselves into a jam through our own errors. Then, we must humble ourselves, admit our mistakes, and learn from them. In the process, gentleness grows.
The bully does not take advantage of this learning curve. He remains angry with God, and he takes it out on everyone around him. He continues doing things his own way, without regard for whom he is hurting. His life rarely improves, because he refuses to look inward.
As survivors of abuse, we must make sure that we are continually looking inward. With a spirit of humility and reliance on God's grace, we can admit our faults so that we can grow ever more gentle. And when we encounter bullies, we can pray for them. Developing such wonderful understanding leads us even closer to the gentle spirit we desire.
Today's Challenge
Were you bullied as a child? Write down how you felt at the time and how you responded. What would you do differently today?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Peace is Quiet
This week, we're learning about ways to achieve peace as we continue with our series, Thriving in God's Garden. Today, I'd like to address the issue of noise so that we can think about how it affects our inner peace.
How much noise do you hear each day?
We frequently complain about a lack of inner peace, but how often do we consider the lack of peace around us? Everywhere we go, there is noise. We can't go into a restaurant anymore without a TV blaring overhead. Stores feel that music playing overhead is necessary to make us comfortable as we shop.
Cell phones ring constantly, interrupting our thoughts and conversations. The people around us talk incessantly, filling the air with mindless gossip and idle chatter.
The noise of living in large cities adds to the volume: school buses, cars, motorcycles, and trucks create background din that we don't even pay attention to after a while. Even while we sleep, the distant whir of traffic never ends.
Be still.
All of this hub-bub robs us of our inner peace. The sad part is that most people don't even realize that noise is an issue.
Psalm 46:10 reads, Be still and know that I am God. Whenever I feel my peace slipping away, I go to a quiet place and think about this verse. When we are quiet, we can feel God's presence. We can capture his thoughts if we get away from the noise of our world and step into the quiet of his.
Create a quiet life.
One of the blessings of having multiple sclerosis is that I have days when I can't hear much of anything. At first, this seemed like a curse, but I came to understand that it was a relief. I can make my way through a world filled with obnoxious noise and hear very little of it.
On days when I can hear well, I strive to keep noise to a minimum. Right now, the only sounds I can hear are the birds singing outside and the gentle whir of my computer. From time to time, the refrigerator kicks on, but other than that, my house and work space are silent.
I do not have a radio in my car, and I really love the silence. While I'm driving, I pray or think. My mind is not being filled with endless radio advertising, and I arrive at my destinations feeling at peace.
If I fill my head with the noise of radio, TV, and conversations, there is no room left for the novel plots that I am creating. I lose track of the ideas I am mulling over for my blog posts.
How much noise are you hearing in your world? What can you do to reduce the volume? What can you do better if you live in a quieter world?
Today's Challenge
Spend some time today making note of the noise that surrounds you. Is there anything you can do to quiet some of it? Try to turn off the radio, TV, and phone. Sit outside and listen for the sounds of nature. In the quiet, ask God to fill you with his peace.
How much noise do you hear each day?
We frequently complain about a lack of inner peace, but how often do we consider the lack of peace around us? Everywhere we go, there is noise. We can't go into a restaurant anymore without a TV blaring overhead. Stores feel that music playing overhead is necessary to make us comfortable as we shop.
Cell phones ring constantly, interrupting our thoughts and conversations. The people around us talk incessantly, filling the air with mindless gossip and idle chatter.
The noise of living in large cities adds to the volume: school buses, cars, motorcycles, and trucks create background din that we don't even pay attention to after a while. Even while we sleep, the distant whir of traffic never ends.
Be still.
All of this hub-bub robs us of our inner peace. The sad part is that most people don't even realize that noise is an issue.
Psalm 46:10 reads, Be still and know that I am God. Whenever I feel my peace slipping away, I go to a quiet place and think about this verse. When we are quiet, we can feel God's presence. We can capture his thoughts if we get away from the noise of our world and step into the quiet of his.
Create a quiet life.
One of the blessings of having multiple sclerosis is that I have days when I can't hear much of anything. At first, this seemed like a curse, but I came to understand that it was a relief. I can make my way through a world filled with obnoxious noise and hear very little of it.
On days when I can hear well, I strive to keep noise to a minimum. Right now, the only sounds I can hear are the birds singing outside and the gentle whir of my computer. From time to time, the refrigerator kicks on, but other than that, my house and work space are silent.
I do not have a radio in my car, and I really love the silence. While I'm driving, I pray or think. My mind is not being filled with endless radio advertising, and I arrive at my destinations feeling at peace.
If I fill my head with the noise of radio, TV, and conversations, there is no room left for the novel plots that I am creating. I lose track of the ideas I am mulling over for my blog posts.
How much noise are you hearing in your world? What can you do to reduce the volume? What can you do better if you live in a quieter world?
Today's Challenge
Spend some time today making note of the noise that surrounds you. Is there anything you can do to quiet some of it? Try to turn off the radio, TV, and phone. Sit outside and listen for the sounds of nature. In the quiet, ask God to fill you with his peace.
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