We continue today with our discussion about patience as part of my series, Thriving in God's Garden We are learning to apply the fruit of the Spirit to our lives, as found in Galatians 5:22.
What are you bickering about?
Proverbs 15:18 (NIV) tells us, A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
We learned last week that a great deal of conflict stems from relationships with people who don't know God. What are you bickering about with them? Finances? The sharing of household duties? The way you spend your free time? Issues with child rearing? Something else?
We all have disagreements with others that try our patience. But if we can maintain our composure and take the time we need to avoid quarreling, we grow stronger and more confident. Exercising patience develops our ability to exhibit greater self-control.
Close your mouth and listen.
Often, an argument could be avoided if we simply took more time to listen. We get into shouting matches with people, because we want them to hear our point of view. We forget that theirs may be just as important.
So, if we find ourselves disagreeing loudly with someone, we need to zip our lips and try to use some patience. We should listen carefully to what is being said. Looking for underlying messages that the person may be having trouble expressing can be helpful.
Abusers talk in circles.
We discovered yesterday that wisdom helps us to be patient with others. Arguments with abusers may require more than patience. Knowing that abusive people tend to talk in circles can help us to reduce the number of arguments we have with them.
Circular arguing starts out with a disagreement about an issue, turns the blame on us, and then demands an apology for something we haven't done. For example, a husband may blame his wife for spoiling their evening together, even though she did her best to prepare dinner on time and put the children to bed on schedule.
In reality, the husband may have spoiled their time together with critical comments directed at his wife, impatience with the children, and unrealistic demands. When the wife tries to point out the obvious, he brings up numerous past incidents to make her feel guilty. When he demands an apology from her, her temper flares. She knows that most of the trouble is not her fault, but he's like a rabid dog that won't let her loose.
It is not easy to be patient with verbal abusers, because we know deep down that they're wrong when they blame us for things they have done. There is no winning an argument with them. So, instead of shouting louder or trying to use better logic on them, we must just end the conversation. We can quit talking or walk away.
Practice deflecting verbal abuse.
I learned a very helpful technique in deflecting the hurtful words of abusive people. Our body language can send a powerful message to them, which they pick up on much more quickly than words.
We can cross our arms, cross our legs, and look to the side. Most importantly, we must stop responding. These gestures work wonders to throw an abuser off balance. Within minutes, his blustering ends, and he walks away in frustration. Refusing to engage in quarreling with an abuser is an excellent way to develop patience. It also helps us move closer to recovery.
Today's Challenge
Practice deflecting an argument with an abusive person today. Try the body language suggested above and see what happens. Then, try to encourage conversation with someone else who is healthier by looking into their eyes, setting aside other tasks, and paraphrasing what they have said. This type of response to them helps us to develop patience and understanding.
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Are You a Peacekeeper or a Peacemaker?
We conclude this week's thoughts about peace with a question about whether we are peacekeepers or peacemakers. This marks week three in my nine-week series titled, Thriving in God's Garden.
Are you a peacekeeper or a peacemaker?
When I pose this question to people, they must stop and think what it means to be a peacekeeper versus a peacemaker. In my mind, a peacekeeper is a person who hates conflict and will do anything to avoid it. A peacemaker, on the other hand, is a person who is not afraid of conflict and is willing to butt heads with others to create positive change.
Most victims of childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence fall into the category of peacekeepers. They walk on eggshells or make themselves as close to invisible as they can in order to avoid further abuse.
I used to be a peacekeeper.
When I was younger, I was a peacekeeper. During my first marriage, I did everything in my power to make sure that I didn't anger my husband. If he insisted on his dinner being scalding hot at 5:15, I made sure it was on the table the instant he walked through the door. When he said that he never wanted to see any evidence that children lived in the house, I made sure that all of the toys and the kids were tucked away in the bedrooms before he came home.
As you can imagine, this did not create for a peaceful existence for me or for my children. As the kids grew older, they became expert peacekeepers, too. All of them headed straight for their bedrooms the minute they got off the school bus. Dinner was eaten in silence, and the kids disappeared again the instant they finished eating.
Today, I am a peacemaker.
My first glimpse of how different life could be if I gave up peacekeeping came about two weeks after I left my first husband. I was preparing dinner for the kids, and they all bounded into the eat-in area. While I was putting food on the table, I realized that they were all talking. It wasn't until they burst into peals of laughter for the first time in years that I saw clearly how much my peacekeeping efforts had been stifling their spirits.
I decided then that I would never walk on eggshells again, and I would teach my children to speak out against anything that they felt was immoral or unfair. Through many years of counseling, I learned how to role-play conversations with people who needed to be confronted. Eventually, I learned how to become a peacemaker. You can, too.
Peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground.
Someone once told me that abusers are just like cut-out paper tigers on a stage, with dry ice creating a smoke screen around them. If you blow on them, they fall over, and the fake smoke disappears.
It wasn't easy, but I eventually learned that peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground. Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) tells us, Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor. So, if someone does something wrong, the Bible tells us that we must tell them truthfully that what they did was wrong and that it hurt us.
Peacemaking initially results in greater conflict.
It is important to realize that peacemaking doesn't always create immediate peace between people. In fact, it may drive some people apart...which is sometimes better, anyway. When we speak the truth in love, we usually discover inner peace, even while we create external conflict with the people who have hurt us.
When we stand up for ourselves, we must accept that it is going to create conflict. But if we stick to our resolve that we will not allow others to abuse us, we soon learn that the bullies of this world move on to pick on weaker people. Yes, there will be conflict when we confront bullies, but eventually, they will take it with them when they leave us alone.
Stop lying to yourself and others.
Peacekeepers spend a lot of time lying about their feelings. They tell themselves that others haven't hurt them, even though they struggle with repressed anger and resentment. If internalized, anger and the words we would like to say can lead to very poor health and depression.
When abusive people hurt us, we may lie to them or to others about the abuse. We may cover up bruises, tell tales about how happy we are, or become perfectionists to cover up our pain. Whether our lies are verbal or something inherent in our actions, we must stop. If we truly want to live peaceful lives, we must speak out when things are amiss.
The fruit of the Spirit
This week, we've learned the importance of removing ourselves from conflicted relationships, trusting in God as our source of peace, leading simple and quiet lives to promote inner peace, and speaking the truth in love. Next week, we will look at ways to develop patience. Remember that this series is based on the fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. Have you memorized it yet?
Today's Challenge
Take some time today to consider whether you are a peacekeeper or a peacemaker. If you are prone to peacekeeping, find someone to help you learn how to stand up for yourself. Practice ways of speaking the truth in love when people hurt you.
Are you a peacekeeper or a peacemaker?
When I pose this question to people, they must stop and think what it means to be a peacekeeper versus a peacemaker. In my mind, a peacekeeper is a person who hates conflict and will do anything to avoid it. A peacemaker, on the other hand, is a person who is not afraid of conflict and is willing to butt heads with others to create positive change.
Most victims of childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence fall into the category of peacekeepers. They walk on eggshells or make themselves as close to invisible as they can in order to avoid further abuse.
I used to be a peacekeeper.
When I was younger, I was a peacekeeper. During my first marriage, I did everything in my power to make sure that I didn't anger my husband. If he insisted on his dinner being scalding hot at 5:15, I made sure it was on the table the instant he walked through the door. When he said that he never wanted to see any evidence that children lived in the house, I made sure that all of the toys and the kids were tucked away in the bedrooms before he came home.
As you can imagine, this did not create for a peaceful existence for me or for my children. As the kids grew older, they became expert peacekeepers, too. All of them headed straight for their bedrooms the minute they got off the school bus. Dinner was eaten in silence, and the kids disappeared again the instant they finished eating.
Today, I am a peacemaker.
My first glimpse of how different life could be if I gave up peacekeeping came about two weeks after I left my first husband. I was preparing dinner for the kids, and they all bounded into the eat-in area. While I was putting food on the table, I realized that they were all talking. It wasn't until they burst into peals of laughter for the first time in years that I saw clearly how much my peacekeeping efforts had been stifling their spirits.
I decided then that I would never walk on eggshells again, and I would teach my children to speak out against anything that they felt was immoral or unfair. Through many years of counseling, I learned how to role-play conversations with people who needed to be confronted. Eventually, I learned how to become a peacemaker. You can, too.
Peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground.
Someone once told me that abusers are just like cut-out paper tigers on a stage, with dry ice creating a smoke screen around them. If you blow on them, they fall over, and the fake smoke disappears.
It wasn't easy, but I eventually learned that peacemakers speak the truth in love and stand their ground. Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) tells us, Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor. So, if someone does something wrong, the Bible tells us that we must tell them truthfully that what they did was wrong and that it hurt us.
Peacemaking initially results in greater conflict.
It is important to realize that peacemaking doesn't always create immediate peace between people. In fact, it may drive some people apart...which is sometimes better, anyway. When we speak the truth in love, we usually discover inner peace, even while we create external conflict with the people who have hurt us.
When we stand up for ourselves, we must accept that it is going to create conflict. But if we stick to our resolve that we will not allow others to abuse us, we soon learn that the bullies of this world move on to pick on weaker people. Yes, there will be conflict when we confront bullies, but eventually, they will take it with them when they leave us alone.
Stop lying to yourself and others.
Peacekeepers spend a lot of time lying about their feelings. They tell themselves that others haven't hurt them, even though they struggle with repressed anger and resentment. If internalized, anger and the words we would like to say can lead to very poor health and depression.
When abusive people hurt us, we may lie to them or to others about the abuse. We may cover up bruises, tell tales about how happy we are, or become perfectionists to cover up our pain. Whether our lies are verbal or something inherent in our actions, we must stop. If we truly want to live peaceful lives, we must speak out when things are amiss.
The fruit of the Spirit
This week, we've learned the importance of removing ourselves from conflicted relationships, trusting in God as our source of peace, leading simple and quiet lives to promote inner peace, and speaking the truth in love. Next week, we will look at ways to develop patience. Remember that this series is based on the fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. Have you memorized it yet?
Today's Challenge
Take some time today to consider whether you are a peacekeeper or a peacemaker. If you are prone to peacekeeping, find someone to help you learn how to stand up for yourself. Practice ways of speaking the truth in love when people hurt you.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Our Joy Begins with God
Yesterday, I expressed my opinions about losing our joy as a result of choosing to remain in relationships with abusive or neglectful unbelievers. Today, we look at how God grows joy in our hearts as we continue with our series, Thriving in God's Garden.
God gives us strength.
After we have found a safe place that is free from neglect and abuse, we must turn to God for strength as we wait for his joy to fill us. While we are recovering from the wounds of abuse, God gives us strength. He promises in Nehemiah 8:10b (NIV), Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
When I left my first marriage, I didn't feel as if I had any strength left. I had not understood beforehand how much grief I would experience. Losing a marriage causes a phenomenon known as the death of a dream.
When we first get married, we dream about a lovely life that will go on forever. We expect happiness with our spouse, and we build goals based on our expectations. When marriage ends in divorce, that dream gets shattered. Suddenly, we don't know who we are or why we're here.
For months after my divorce, I lived like a sleep-walker, stumbling around in the dark. I had no direction and no clue how to start my life over again.
God knows the way.
God knows where he wants us to go and how he wants us to get there. His Word can shed light on the path we are supposed to follow. Our joy begins to grow when we decide to follow God, wherever he leads us.
Psalm 16:11 (NIV) reads, You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
I was really struggling to understand my next step in that confusing new life as a single mother. So, I prayed for direction, and God led me to a nearby church. There, he sent me to play with the handbell choir, where I began to make new friends.
I went to church one Sunday morning and stood at the front with the rest of the handbell players, concentrating on ringing my bells. I looked up and noticed that the people seated before me were all smiling and nodding their heads. Joy radiated from them.
Suddenly, joy enveloped me. I began to smile for the first time in months over something that brought me delight. At that moment, I understood God's promises to fill me with joy, in spite of the sorrows I had experienced as a result of abuse.
So, dear reader, we can see that after we leave unhealthy relationships, our joy begins with knowing and following God. Tomorrow, we will look at how God sustains us through tough times with the promise of his joy.
Today's Challenge
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the level of joy you are feeling today? If it is low, go to www.biblegateway.com and look up the word joy. You will find countless verses to remind you that God is the source of all joy.
God gives us strength.
After we have found a safe place that is free from neglect and abuse, we must turn to God for strength as we wait for his joy to fill us. While we are recovering from the wounds of abuse, God gives us strength. He promises in Nehemiah 8:10b (NIV), Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
When I left my first marriage, I didn't feel as if I had any strength left. I had not understood beforehand how much grief I would experience. Losing a marriage causes a phenomenon known as the death of a dream.
When we first get married, we dream about a lovely life that will go on forever. We expect happiness with our spouse, and we build goals based on our expectations. When marriage ends in divorce, that dream gets shattered. Suddenly, we don't know who we are or why we're here.
For months after my divorce, I lived like a sleep-walker, stumbling around in the dark. I had no direction and no clue how to start my life over again.
God knows the way.
God knows where he wants us to go and how he wants us to get there. His Word can shed light on the path we are supposed to follow. Our joy begins to grow when we decide to follow God, wherever he leads us.
Psalm 16:11 (NIV) reads, You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
I was really struggling to understand my next step in that confusing new life as a single mother. So, I prayed for direction, and God led me to a nearby church. There, he sent me to play with the handbell choir, where I began to make new friends.
I went to church one Sunday morning and stood at the front with the rest of the handbell players, concentrating on ringing my bells. I looked up and noticed that the people seated before me were all smiling and nodding their heads. Joy radiated from them.
Suddenly, joy enveloped me. I began to smile for the first time in months over something that brought me delight. At that moment, I understood God's promises to fill me with joy, in spite of the sorrows I had experienced as a result of abuse.
So, dear reader, we can see that after we leave unhealthy relationships, our joy begins with knowing and following God. Tomorrow, we will look at how God sustains us through tough times with the promise of his joy.
Today's Challenge
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the level of joy you are feeling today? If it is low, go to www.biblegateway.com and look up the word joy. You will find countless verses to remind you that God is the source of all joy.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Ask Others to Forgive You
My series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, offers survivors of abuse and trauma an opportunity to find healing through forgiving others. For the past week, we have been discovering that the best way to learn how to forgive is to look at our own faults and our need for forgiveness. So, today we consider asking someone to forgive us.
How hard can it be to say I'm sorry?
If we have been victims of long-term abuse, it can be almost impossible to admit to another human being that we have made a mistake. In an abusive relationship, such admissions open us up to further abuse.
So, we learn self-preservation by never admitting our wrongs. And we certainly never, ever tell our abuser that we're sorry...unless he's twisting our arm and threatening worse if we don't say those words that we really don't mean.
And after our abusers extract an apology from us, they feel empowered once again. Within days, hours, or minutes, they are back at us with more of the same torture we endured earlier. It's no wonder that we swallow hard and think twice before offering anyone an apology.
We need to learn that it's okay to apologize to some people.
The next step on the road to forgiving others is to ask someone to forgive us. I believe this is the hardest step of all, because it's the riskiest for survivors of abuse.
Let's begin with one important point: the first person to forgive face-to-face should not be the enemy who abused or traumatized us. Like any new learning, that kind of forgiveness begins with baby steps.
So we need to think about someone we have wronged, and we need to consider how we are going to apologize and ask for forgiveness. By beginning with someone safe, we can experience what it feels like to admit our mistake, apologize, and ask for forgiveness. From a normal person, we can expect understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness.
My forgiveness journey began with Joe.
When I married Joe, I don't think I had ever sincerely apologized to anyone in my life. Abuse had ground out any thought of admitting my faults to anyone. So you can imagine my surprise when Joe made mistakes, came to me to admit them, and asked me to forgive him. In the beginning, it was extremely difficult for me to extend forgiveness to him, in spite of the fact that he was apologizing without any pressure from me.
What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just say I forgave Joe? I realized that in an abusive relationship, the minute an abuser offers us an apology, the cycle of abuse begins again. Like Pavlov's dogs, I had been trained to expect abuse if I ever traveled down the road of forgiveness. I couldn't offer it to anyone, and I couldn't ask for it.
Learn to see forgiveness through your enemy's eyes.
We can see by my experience why it may be so difficult for our enemies to ask us for our forgiveness. Perhaps they were abused as children and learned that admitting mistakes brought on more abuse. Maybe no one ever modeled forgiveness for them.
Model forgiveness for your enemy.
Instead of waiting for our enemies to apologize to us, we can make the best move by extending apologies to others. If our perpetrator is within view of us, he may begin to witness forgiveness at work in our lives when we:
1) admit our mistakes to others;
2) apologize;
3) ask for forgiveness; and
4) accept the grace of someone else's forgiveness.
Don't confuse forgiveness with reconciliation.
In most instances, this four-step process will lead to something that everyone confuses with forgiveness: reconciliation. That means we patch up our differences with someone, and we renew the relationship that was upset by whatever we did wrong.
Reconciliation is the number one reason, in my opinion, that survivors of abuse and trauma cannot forgive. They wrongly believe that forgiving means reconciling. If you don't get anything else out of this series, please read the next sentence carefully. Forgiving does not always entail reconciling. We'll learn more about reconciliation on Friday.
Asking for forgiveness helps us to grow.
Over the years, I have learned that forgiving Joe does not result in his abusing me. In fact, it draws us closer together. Because through our mistakes and apologies, we have learned how to conduct ourselves better as marriage partners. Forgiveness has helped us to grow.
Watching how Joe offered forgiveness taught me how to do it, too. It was not easy to learn that I could admit my mistakes, but Joe was patient with me and readily offered grace when I needed it. Without the baby steps of practicing forgiveness with Joe, I could never have reached the point where I am today with others who have hurt me more seriously.
So, if we recognize that we have broken our relationship with God by sinning, we can learn to admit our mistakes to God and to others. When we are living in safe relationships, we may learn new ways to apologize and ask others to forgive us. Tomorrow, we'll learn the importance of offering restitution to those whom we have hurt.
Today's Challenge
Are you a survivor like me who is terrified of extending forgiveness when someone apologizes to you? Are you fearful that admitting your faults and asking for forgiveness will bring about more abuse? If you're in an abusive situation, get to a safe place. Then, start practicing the habits of extending forgiveness and asking for it with people who are capable of doing the same.
How hard can it be to say I'm sorry?
If we have been victims of long-term abuse, it can be almost impossible to admit to another human being that we have made a mistake. In an abusive relationship, such admissions open us up to further abuse.
So, we learn self-preservation by never admitting our wrongs. And we certainly never, ever tell our abuser that we're sorry...unless he's twisting our arm and threatening worse if we don't say those words that we really don't mean.
And after our abusers extract an apology from us, they feel empowered once again. Within days, hours, or minutes, they are back at us with more of the same torture we endured earlier. It's no wonder that we swallow hard and think twice before offering anyone an apology.
We need to learn that it's okay to apologize to some people.
The next step on the road to forgiving others is to ask someone to forgive us. I believe this is the hardest step of all, because it's the riskiest for survivors of abuse.
Let's begin with one important point: the first person to forgive face-to-face should not be the enemy who abused or traumatized us. Like any new learning, that kind of forgiveness begins with baby steps.
So we need to think about someone we have wronged, and we need to consider how we are going to apologize and ask for forgiveness. By beginning with someone safe, we can experience what it feels like to admit our mistake, apologize, and ask for forgiveness. From a normal person, we can expect understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness.
My forgiveness journey began with Joe.
When I married Joe, I don't think I had ever sincerely apologized to anyone in my life. Abuse had ground out any thought of admitting my faults to anyone. So you can imagine my surprise when Joe made mistakes, came to me to admit them, and asked me to forgive him. In the beginning, it was extremely difficult for me to extend forgiveness to him, in spite of the fact that he was apologizing without any pressure from me.
What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just say I forgave Joe? I realized that in an abusive relationship, the minute an abuser offers us an apology, the cycle of abuse begins again. Like Pavlov's dogs, I had been trained to expect abuse if I ever traveled down the road of forgiveness. I couldn't offer it to anyone, and I couldn't ask for it.
Learn to see forgiveness through your enemy's eyes.
We can see by my experience why it may be so difficult for our enemies to ask us for our forgiveness. Perhaps they were abused as children and learned that admitting mistakes brought on more abuse. Maybe no one ever modeled forgiveness for them.
Model forgiveness for your enemy.
Instead of waiting for our enemies to apologize to us, we can make the best move by extending apologies to others. If our perpetrator is within view of us, he may begin to witness forgiveness at work in our lives when we:
1) admit our mistakes to others;
2) apologize;
3) ask for forgiveness; and
4) accept the grace of someone else's forgiveness.
Don't confuse forgiveness with reconciliation.
In most instances, this four-step process will lead to something that everyone confuses with forgiveness: reconciliation. That means we patch up our differences with someone, and we renew the relationship that was upset by whatever we did wrong.
Reconciliation is the number one reason, in my opinion, that survivors of abuse and trauma cannot forgive. They wrongly believe that forgiving means reconciling. If you don't get anything else out of this series, please read the next sentence carefully. Forgiving does not always entail reconciling. We'll learn more about reconciliation on Friday.
Asking for forgiveness helps us to grow.
Over the years, I have learned that forgiving Joe does not result in his abusing me. In fact, it draws us closer together. Because through our mistakes and apologies, we have learned how to conduct ourselves better as marriage partners. Forgiveness has helped us to grow.
Watching how Joe offered forgiveness taught me how to do it, too. It was not easy to learn that I could admit my mistakes, but Joe was patient with me and readily offered grace when I needed it. Without the baby steps of practicing forgiveness with Joe, I could never have reached the point where I am today with others who have hurt me more seriously.
So, if we recognize that we have broken our relationship with God by sinning, we can learn to admit our mistakes to God and to others. When we are living in safe relationships, we may learn new ways to apologize and ask others to forgive us. Tomorrow, we'll learn the importance of offering restitution to those whom we have hurt.
Today's Challenge
Are you a survivor like me who is terrified of extending forgiveness when someone apologizes to you? Are you fearful that admitting your faults and asking for forgiveness will bring about more abuse? If you're in an abusive situation, get to a safe place. Then, start practicing the habits of extending forgiveness and asking for it with people who are capable of doing the same.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The Only Person You Can Change is You
We are drawing close to the end of our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Along the way, we have learned about how abuse and trauma changes us, how God plays an important role in the process, and how imperative it is for us to learn about our own need for forgiveness.
When we recognize the difference between righteousness and sin, we are better able to look within and see that we have faults, just as the person we need to forgive does. Different faults, but faults, nonetheless.
If we can admit that we have problems, ask God to forgive us, and accept his grace, we are poised to consider how we might change. And change we must, if we ever want to forgive.
Let go and let God.
For many of us who are survivors, we cling to unforgiveness, because it's the only way we believe that we can control the situation and force our perpetrators to change. We wrongly believe that if we withhold forgiveness, the other person will apologize and set things right. This is not how forgiveness works. God is the only one who can measure out just the right doses of justice and grace. We must let go so that God can work in the situation.
Change yourself, not your enemy.
We must initiate deep and lasting changes within ourselves. When we do, if our enemy is capable of change, he will respond. Waiting for him to make the first move leaves us holding onto bitterness that serves only to hurt us.
If the person who has hurt us is what I would call toxic, he may never change. In cases like this, why would we want to remain involved in the process of reforming him? To me, this seems about as smart as swimming with crocodiles. Get out of the water and let God deal with truly toxic people.
What kind of change do we need?
When it seems unclear how we are supposed to go about changing, I think that the best place to look is at God. We've already learned about his character. By imitating him, we find the change within ourselves that creates peace.
I go back constantly to Galatians 5:22 (NIV): But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. When we get to the point of living where those adjectives describe us, we're finally on the right path toward forgiving.
Old habits die hard.
This degree of change within ourselves is not easy. Like all humans, we are creatures of habit. And habits die hard.
For instance, my doctor recently put me on a rotation diet so that I can overcome numerous food allergies. This is not an easy way of life, because the diet demands that I eat only certain foods on particular days.
To follow this diet, I had to go through my pantry, cupboards, fridge, and freezer. I gave away or threw out bags of food and arranged what was left in groupings that help me follow the meal plans.
This diet made me think about how profound our change of heart must be to reach a point of forgiving. It's not a quick fix, and it takes a lot of determination and learning to get to a point of success. More importantly, it has to become a way of life in order to work.
Through my diet, I am hoping to overcome my body's reactions to foods. Through my prayer time and Bible study, I hope to become so much like Jesus Christ that I get to a point of being able to forgive the people who have hurt me the most.
Let go of pride (the need to control), and the rest is easy.
Jesus said in Matthew 18:3-4 (NIV), "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
Before I began working on this series, I thought I understood how to get from beginning to end in the journey of forgiveness. God has showed me a better route than the one I had mapped out. The solution to the problems of bitterness, anger, revenge, and hatred lies in one change: humility.
As noted in the above passage, unless we become as humble as little children, we'll never be able to truly forgive. And if we can't forgive, we may wind up outside of God's kingdom forever. That thought keeps me focused on finding a way to forgive, no matter how difficult the journey may get.
Today's Challenge
What do you need to change about yourself in order to forgive? Are you able to let go now so that God can deal with your enemy? Tell God today that you are ready to release the person who hurt you. By giving your enemy to God, you will finally show by your actions that you trust God enough to take care of the outcome.
When we recognize the difference between righteousness and sin, we are better able to look within and see that we have faults, just as the person we need to forgive does. Different faults, but faults, nonetheless.
If we can admit that we have problems, ask God to forgive us, and accept his grace, we are poised to consider how we might change. And change we must, if we ever want to forgive.
Let go and let God.
For many of us who are survivors, we cling to unforgiveness, because it's the only way we believe that we can control the situation and force our perpetrators to change. We wrongly believe that if we withhold forgiveness, the other person will apologize and set things right. This is not how forgiveness works. God is the only one who can measure out just the right doses of justice and grace. We must let go so that God can work in the situation.
Change yourself, not your enemy.
We must initiate deep and lasting changes within ourselves. When we do, if our enemy is capable of change, he will respond. Waiting for him to make the first move leaves us holding onto bitterness that serves only to hurt us.
If the person who has hurt us is what I would call toxic, he may never change. In cases like this, why would we want to remain involved in the process of reforming him? To me, this seems about as smart as swimming with crocodiles. Get out of the water and let God deal with truly toxic people.
What kind of change do we need?
When it seems unclear how we are supposed to go about changing, I think that the best place to look is at God. We've already learned about his character. By imitating him, we find the change within ourselves that creates peace.
I go back constantly to Galatians 5:22 (NIV): But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. When we get to the point of living where those adjectives describe us, we're finally on the right path toward forgiving.
Old habits die hard.
This degree of change within ourselves is not easy. Like all humans, we are creatures of habit. And habits die hard.
For instance, my doctor recently put me on a rotation diet so that I can overcome numerous food allergies. This is not an easy way of life, because the diet demands that I eat only certain foods on particular days.
To follow this diet, I had to go through my pantry, cupboards, fridge, and freezer. I gave away or threw out bags of food and arranged what was left in groupings that help me follow the meal plans.
This diet made me think about how profound our change of heart must be to reach a point of forgiving. It's not a quick fix, and it takes a lot of determination and learning to get to a point of success. More importantly, it has to become a way of life in order to work.
Through my diet, I am hoping to overcome my body's reactions to foods. Through my prayer time and Bible study, I hope to become so much like Jesus Christ that I get to a point of being able to forgive the people who have hurt me the most.
Let go of pride (the need to control), and the rest is easy.
Jesus said in Matthew 18:3-4 (NIV), "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
Before I began working on this series, I thought I understood how to get from beginning to end in the journey of forgiveness. God has showed me a better route than the one I had mapped out. The solution to the problems of bitterness, anger, revenge, and hatred lies in one change: humility.
As noted in the above passage, unless we become as humble as little children, we'll never be able to truly forgive. And if we can't forgive, we may wind up outside of God's kingdom forever. That thought keeps me focused on finding a way to forgive, no matter how difficult the journey may get.
Today's Challenge
What do you need to change about yourself in order to forgive? Are you able to let go now so that God can deal with your enemy? Tell God today that you are ready to release the person who hurt you. By giving your enemy to God, you will finally show by your actions that you trust God enough to take care of the outcome.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Accept God's Grace Today
This marks our final week in this series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Last time, we learned about the importance of asking God to forgive us through daily prayer. Today, we focus on the next step along our journey toward forgiving others: accepting God's grace.
Remember grace?
In a previous post, we learned that God's grace is his goodness toward us, even when we deserve punishment. We cannot earn grace, because it is a gift freely given by God to all sinners who believe in Jesus.
Saving grace comes to us when we express our faith in Christ. Sanctifying grace falls on us daily as we pray for forgiveness of our wrongs. When we learn to accept God's grace on a daily basis, we grow by leaps and bounds in our spiritual life.
God gives grace, but we have to accept it.
Imagine a giant merchandise catalog or internet site full of free gifts. In order to receive whatever you wanted, all you had to do was provide your address. Within days, a package would arrive on your doorstep. No costs, no strings attached, just a free gift for the taking. This is how grace works. God is waiting to give it to anyone, just for asking.
If you did have an opportunity to place an order from such a catalog, would you tell the delivery person on your doorstep to take it away? Would you leave the package on your front porch, unopened? Of course, not! You would accept the package and then rip into it to see what kind of wonderful gift awaited you.
Unfortunately, many survivors of abuse and trauma turn down God's gift of grace. Why? There are one of three explanations that I can see. One, they really haven't come to a point of completely admitting their own faults, so they don't see a need for God's grace. Two, they feel so guilty and ashamed, they can't bring themselves to open the door and accept God's gift. Or three, they've been so hurt, their anger toward God prevents them from taking what he has to offer.
I turned down God's gift.
As I was contemplating divorcing my abusive first husband, a minister at my church told me that if I didn't stay and put up with my husband abusing my children and me, we would all go to hell. He quoted Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV) to me:
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
This Scripture passage is an important one in the process of forgiving. Unfortunately, this minister confused reconciliation with forgiveness. Living in an abusive situation is never a wise idea. We can forgive people who have abused us, but we should not put ourselves in harm's way in the process. It is better to remove ourselves from the situation so that we can work through forgiving our abusers from a distance. In my own experience, total and lasting forgiveness is difficult to achieve when we live with someone who constantly abuses us.
That minister made me feel so guilty, I could barely function. Like me, many victims of abuse get guilt heaped on them by outsiders as they consider leaving an unsafe situation.
I finally realized that I could not believe in a God who expected me to put up with abuse. In order to break free from my first husband, I had to release myself from the bonds with the angry God who only wanted to see me punished. I stopped going to church, praying, or reading the Bible.
Inevitably, depression set in. Without God, the world becomes a very dark place. As a former Stephen Minister, I knew that I needed support. So, I called a church where I was not a member and requested assistance.
For many months, a Stephen Minister came to my house to listen to me talking about the abuse, the divorce, my inability to connect with God, and all of the other issues that go along with surviving abuse. She was incredibly patient with me and let me talk until there were no more words remaining.
I recall telling her that I felt as if I had jumped off a cliff, and I was about to splat at the bottom of a rocky ravine. She smiled at me and said, "That's one way of looking at it. How about thinking that if you've jumped off a cliff, God has given you wings to fly?"
She rarely said much during our meetings, but that simple statement really got me thinking. I began to see that without God, my life seemed completely hopeless. She opened my eyes to the truth that by accepting God's grace, my life could be incredibly exciting and full of promise.
That night, I asked God to forgive me for the months I had spent burning with anger toward him. I talked to him freely about everything surrounding the divorce, asking him to forgive me for whatever part I had played in causing my marriage to fail. For the first time ever, I waited after praying for God's response. An icredible sense of peace washed over me as I felt God's goodness flowing to me.
God has a gift for you.
God had been waiting all along with his gift of grace. I just needed to accept it to complete my own forgiveness. He's got the same gift waiting for every person who expresses regret over avoiding him. Whether our rejection of God's love and his gift of grace stems from pride, guilt, shame, or anger; it's never too late to say that we're ready to accept it. For both survivors of abuse and trauma, such as the tsunami in Japan, there is hope, because God's goodness is available to all of us.
We're one step closer.
We are almost at the end of our journey, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. When we admit our own mistakes, ask God to forgive us, and accept his grace; we are one step closer to forgiving that person who deeply hurt us. Tomorrow, we'll learn about where the road takes us after we finally accept God's grace for ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Have you expressed your faith in Jesus Christ yet? If so, have you been asking God daily to forgive you? Have you felt the peace that comes with accepting his free gift of grace? Write in your journal how that feels. If you haven't arrived at this point yet, write down why you are rejecting God. Ask him to help you remove that roadblock.
Remember grace?
In a previous post, we learned that God's grace is his goodness toward us, even when we deserve punishment. We cannot earn grace, because it is a gift freely given by God to all sinners who believe in Jesus.
Saving grace comes to us when we express our faith in Christ. Sanctifying grace falls on us daily as we pray for forgiveness of our wrongs. When we learn to accept God's grace on a daily basis, we grow by leaps and bounds in our spiritual life.
God gives grace, but we have to accept it.
Imagine a giant merchandise catalog or internet site full of free gifts. In order to receive whatever you wanted, all you had to do was provide your address. Within days, a package would arrive on your doorstep. No costs, no strings attached, just a free gift for the taking. This is how grace works. God is waiting to give it to anyone, just for asking.
If you did have an opportunity to place an order from such a catalog, would you tell the delivery person on your doorstep to take it away? Would you leave the package on your front porch, unopened? Of course, not! You would accept the package and then rip into it to see what kind of wonderful gift awaited you.
Unfortunately, many survivors of abuse and trauma turn down God's gift of grace. Why? There are one of three explanations that I can see. One, they really haven't come to a point of completely admitting their own faults, so they don't see a need for God's grace. Two, they feel so guilty and ashamed, they can't bring themselves to open the door and accept God's gift. Or three, they've been so hurt, their anger toward God prevents them from taking what he has to offer.
I turned down God's gift.
As I was contemplating divorcing my abusive first husband, a minister at my church told me that if I didn't stay and put up with my husband abusing my children and me, we would all go to hell. He quoted Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV) to me:
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
This Scripture passage is an important one in the process of forgiving. Unfortunately, this minister confused reconciliation with forgiveness. Living in an abusive situation is never a wise idea. We can forgive people who have abused us, but we should not put ourselves in harm's way in the process. It is better to remove ourselves from the situation so that we can work through forgiving our abusers from a distance. In my own experience, total and lasting forgiveness is difficult to achieve when we live with someone who constantly abuses us.
That minister made me feel so guilty, I could barely function. Like me, many victims of abuse get guilt heaped on them by outsiders as they consider leaving an unsafe situation.
I finally realized that I could not believe in a God who expected me to put up with abuse. In order to break free from my first husband, I had to release myself from the bonds with the angry God who only wanted to see me punished. I stopped going to church, praying, or reading the Bible.
Inevitably, depression set in. Without God, the world becomes a very dark place. As a former Stephen Minister, I knew that I needed support. So, I called a church where I was not a member and requested assistance.
For many months, a Stephen Minister came to my house to listen to me talking about the abuse, the divorce, my inability to connect with God, and all of the other issues that go along with surviving abuse. She was incredibly patient with me and let me talk until there were no more words remaining.
I recall telling her that I felt as if I had jumped off a cliff, and I was about to splat at the bottom of a rocky ravine. She smiled at me and said, "That's one way of looking at it. How about thinking that if you've jumped off a cliff, God has given you wings to fly?"
She rarely said much during our meetings, but that simple statement really got me thinking. I began to see that without God, my life seemed completely hopeless. She opened my eyes to the truth that by accepting God's grace, my life could be incredibly exciting and full of promise.
That night, I asked God to forgive me for the months I had spent burning with anger toward him. I talked to him freely about everything surrounding the divorce, asking him to forgive me for whatever part I had played in causing my marriage to fail. For the first time ever, I waited after praying for God's response. An icredible sense of peace washed over me as I felt God's goodness flowing to me.
God has a gift for you.
God had been waiting all along with his gift of grace. I just needed to accept it to complete my own forgiveness. He's got the same gift waiting for every person who expresses regret over avoiding him. Whether our rejection of God's love and his gift of grace stems from pride, guilt, shame, or anger; it's never too late to say that we're ready to accept it. For both survivors of abuse and trauma, such as the tsunami in Japan, there is hope, because God's goodness is available to all of us.
We're one step closer.
We are almost at the end of our journey, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. When we admit our own mistakes, ask God to forgive us, and accept his grace; we are one step closer to forgiving that person who deeply hurt us. Tomorrow, we'll learn about where the road takes us after we finally accept God's grace for ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Have you expressed your faith in Jesus Christ yet? If so, have you been asking God daily to forgive you? Have you felt the peace that comes with accepting his free gift of grace? Write in your journal how that feels. If you haven't arrived at this point yet, write down why you are rejecting God. Ask him to help you remove that roadblock.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
God Desires Peace
As we continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, we focus today on the seventh of ten attributes that make up God's character: peace.
God's peace is more than just the absence of conflict.
While Webster's Dictionary defines peace as the absence of war or other hostilities, the concept of God's peace means so much more. God's peace is an absence of all confusion and disorder. The apostle Paul reminded believers in the early church, "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace." (I Cor 14:33 NIV)
In God's mind, peace goes far beyond the absence of war. Peace can be found in the crystals of a snowflake that are so mathematically perfect, mankind can barely fathom its creation. Peace can be seen in the way that a person comes to believing faith in Christ after numerous experiences have softened his heart. Everything that God creates is begun with peace: an orderly plan that changes confusion into understanding and brings order to chaos.
If things are chaotic or in a state of disorder, it is because mankind's sin has created confusion. For instance, God desires marriage to be the union of one man and one woman for a lifetime. We've created chaos with same-sex marriages and divorce. People who abuse their spouses or molest their children are disturbing the peace that God wants for marriage and family.
God never stops working to orchestrate peace.
God is fully in control of maintaining a well-ordered world. He uses his infinite wisdom, knowledge, and power to bring about countless activities that have the potential to create greater peace. God never stops working, as we can see in Psalm 121:4 (NIV): He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
Sometimes, our lives feel as if they are completely out of control. Abuse can leave us feeling so bitter toward our enemy and toward God that we don't know how to regain balance. In spite of our confusion, God is never perplexed about what to do with any given situation. But we must turn to him for answers about how to get our lives back in alignment with his plans for peace.
God wants us to imitate him to bring about his peace.
Christians can use Galatians 5:22 (NIV) as a measuring stick for determining whether or not they are imitating God's character. The verse reads, But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
As a tree bears edible fruit, Christians are called to bear spiritual fruit--actions which allow the rest of the world to see that they are imitators of Jesus Christ. What are you doing to bring about God's peace in your corner of the world?
Forgiveness requires us to understand God's peace.
When we attempt to forgive people who have abused or traumatized us, it can be very difficult if we don't apply these principles of God's peace to the situation. Remember, God's peace doesn't necessarily mean an absence of conflict.
In fact, Jesus said, "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man's enemies will be the members of his own household. (Matthew 10:34-36 NIV)
Jesus was pointing out in this passage that there cannot be peace between his children and the devil's children. Conflict occurs all the time between members of the same household, because some follow God's ways, and others follow Satan's ways.
When members of our family filed charges against my father for sexually abusing them, believe me when I say that these actions did not bring about peace. Conflict of the greatest magnitude imaginable ensued.
But the conflict didn't begin with the legal charges; it began with my father's sin of molesting innocent children. There was no outward sign of conflict until the grandchildren pointed out that there was disagreement between God's plan for order and their grandfather's actions.
If we attempt to create peace (an absence of conflict) between people of the Light and people who prefer darkness; we put ourselves into an impossible situation where we will never experience God's peaceful order. Hiding the truth about childhood sexual abuse or refusing to take a stand against it will not bring about peace. Don't confuse God's plans for peace with our plans to avoid conflict.
Today's Challenge
Are you the type of person who avoids conflict at all costs? Doing so may be costing you true peace. God may be allowing conflict in your life to teach you how to re-establish his design for order. If your life is chaotic, look to God's Word for clues about how your plans might be out of sync with his. Burying the truth about childhood sexual abuse under avoidance, overwork, or addictions will not make it go away. Make whatever changes are necessary to re-establish order according to God's ways, not yours.
God's peace is more than just the absence of conflict.
While Webster's Dictionary defines peace as the absence of war or other hostilities, the concept of God's peace means so much more. God's peace is an absence of all confusion and disorder. The apostle Paul reminded believers in the early church, "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace." (I Cor 14:33 NIV)
In God's mind, peace goes far beyond the absence of war. Peace can be found in the crystals of a snowflake that are so mathematically perfect, mankind can barely fathom its creation. Peace can be seen in the way that a person comes to believing faith in Christ after numerous experiences have softened his heart. Everything that God creates is begun with peace: an orderly plan that changes confusion into understanding and brings order to chaos.
If things are chaotic or in a state of disorder, it is because mankind's sin has created confusion. For instance, God desires marriage to be the union of one man and one woman for a lifetime. We've created chaos with same-sex marriages and divorce. People who abuse their spouses or molest their children are disturbing the peace that God wants for marriage and family.
God never stops working to orchestrate peace.
God is fully in control of maintaining a well-ordered world. He uses his infinite wisdom, knowledge, and power to bring about countless activities that have the potential to create greater peace. God never stops working, as we can see in Psalm 121:4 (NIV): He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
Sometimes, our lives feel as if they are completely out of control. Abuse can leave us feeling so bitter toward our enemy and toward God that we don't know how to regain balance. In spite of our confusion, God is never perplexed about what to do with any given situation. But we must turn to him for answers about how to get our lives back in alignment with his plans for peace.
God wants us to imitate him to bring about his peace.
Christians can use Galatians 5:22 (NIV) as a measuring stick for determining whether or not they are imitating God's character. The verse reads, But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
As a tree bears edible fruit, Christians are called to bear spiritual fruit--actions which allow the rest of the world to see that they are imitators of Jesus Christ. What are you doing to bring about God's peace in your corner of the world?
Forgiveness requires us to understand God's peace.
When we attempt to forgive people who have abused or traumatized us, it can be very difficult if we don't apply these principles of God's peace to the situation. Remember, God's peace doesn't necessarily mean an absence of conflict.
In fact, Jesus said, "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man's enemies will be the members of his own household. (Matthew 10:34-36 NIV)
Jesus was pointing out in this passage that there cannot be peace between his children and the devil's children. Conflict occurs all the time between members of the same household, because some follow God's ways, and others follow Satan's ways.
When members of our family filed charges against my father for sexually abusing them, believe me when I say that these actions did not bring about peace. Conflict of the greatest magnitude imaginable ensued.
But the conflict didn't begin with the legal charges; it began with my father's sin of molesting innocent children. There was no outward sign of conflict until the grandchildren pointed out that there was disagreement between God's plan for order and their grandfather's actions.
If we attempt to create peace (an absence of conflict) between people of the Light and people who prefer darkness; we put ourselves into an impossible situation where we will never experience God's peaceful order. Hiding the truth about childhood sexual abuse or refusing to take a stand against it will not bring about peace. Don't confuse God's plans for peace with our plans to avoid conflict.
Today's Challenge
Are you the type of person who avoids conflict at all costs? Doing so may be costing you true peace. God may be allowing conflict in your life to teach you how to re-establish his design for order. If your life is chaotic, look to God's Word for clues about how your plans might be out of sync with his. Burying the truth about childhood sexual abuse under avoidance, overwork, or addictions will not make it go away. Make whatever changes are necessary to re-establish order according to God's ways, not yours.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
God is Holy
We continue with our study of God's character. So far, we have covered his attributes of goodness, love, mercy, grace, and patience. Today, we learn what it means to be holy, as God is.
This understanding of God's attributes is prerequisite to learning how to forgive. This is a continuation of my series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness.
What does it mean to be holy?
Webster defines holy as: 1) belonging to, derived from, or associated with a divine power; 2) worthy of worship; 3) living according to a strict or highly moral religious or spiritual system; and 4) set apart for a religious purpose. To be holy means that someone or something is separated from sin and seeks to bring glory to God.
Everything associated with God is holy.
Exodus 3:3 (NIV) describes how the Israelites were supposed to construct God's tabernacle, which included the Holy of Holies:
Hang the curtain from the clasps and place the ark of the Testimony behind the curtain. The curtain will separate the Holy Place from the Most Holy Place.
God's Most Holy Place was a 15 x 15 x 15 foot cubicle where the Ark of the Covenant contained the Ten Commandments. God himself had previously inscribed these laws in stone. This was one place in Israel that was to be kept most separated from sin and evil. It was fully devoted to God's service.
God himself is holy.
God's holiness means that he is completely separated from sin and devoted to seeking his own honor. God placed angels in his service who contantly call to one another:
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
The whole earth is full of his glory. (Isaiah 6:3 NIV)
God calls us to be holy.
God directed Moses to tell his people: "Be holy, because I, the Lord your God, am holy." (Exodus 19:2 NIV) This meant that the Israelites were supposed to keep themselves separate from anything evil or sinful and to devote themselves to glorifying God.
As New Testament believers, we are called to separate ourselves from the negative influence that comes from close association with unbelievers. As a survivor of abuse, this point came across clearly to me one day as I was struggling to understand why I could never seem to get along with my first husband or my parents. I read 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (NIV), and a light bulb went on for me:
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.
As God has said: "I will live with them and walk aong them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from them and be separate," says the Lord, "Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters."
These words brought such clarity and comfort to me that I was dumbstruck. Of course I couldn't get along with people who had abused me! They were not walking in the light of God's love, and I was trying to.
I imagined Jesus trying to walk hand in hand with Satan. The Lord would never do something so ridiculous, and yet I had been trying to do exactly that my entire life.
This Scripture passage set me free, because it gave me permission to separate myself from people whose lives were steeped in sin. I realized that people from within our own families may not be suitable companions for us.
And when we find ourselves emotionally without family, God steps in with the promise to be our Father. This passage alays brings me comfort, because no matter how my family members may treat me here on earth, God calls me his daughter.
Separated from sin and devoted to God
A few years ago, I spent some time in an Amish community. As I got to know the people, I began to understand why they felt so strongly about isolating themselves from the world. They reject alliances with businesses such as the energy company, a water supplier, and even bankers; because they view these groups as sinful. The Amish do not wish to be subject to the authority of businesses, but only to the authority of God.
While I think the Amish practice of such strict isolation is a bit extreme, it provides us with food for thought. What alliances have we forged which may not be pleasing to God or bringing him glory?
Sin is as contagious as influenza.
This week, Joe and I have been infected with influenza. We have been directed by our doctor to separate ourselves from others until we are free of fever for at least 24 hours. Our friends are wise to stay away from our home until we are well.
Sin is a lot like influenza. If we aren't careful, we can be 'infected' by the sinful influence of others around us. We may drift far from God without even realizing it if we are living with someone who does not live to glorify God.
If we are living with an abuser who does not glorify God or respect us, we are putting ourselves at great spiritual risk. Allowing ourselves to be abused does not honor God, who lives within us. If we are God's temple, we must separate ourselves from people who seek to harm us.
Today's Challenge
Look around yourself today and think about relationships that may be taking you far from God. What can you do to separate yourself from evil? How can you better devote yourself to glorifying God? Write down in your journal what you can do differently to live a life that is holy and pleasing to God.
This understanding of God's attributes is prerequisite to learning how to forgive. This is a continuation of my series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness.
What does it mean to be holy?
Webster defines holy as: 1) belonging to, derived from, or associated with a divine power; 2) worthy of worship; 3) living according to a strict or highly moral religious or spiritual system; and 4) set apart for a religious purpose. To be holy means that someone or something is separated from sin and seeks to bring glory to God.
Everything associated with God is holy.
Exodus 3:3 (NIV) describes how the Israelites were supposed to construct God's tabernacle, which included the Holy of Holies:
Hang the curtain from the clasps and place the ark of the Testimony behind the curtain. The curtain will separate the Holy Place from the Most Holy Place.
God's Most Holy Place was a 15 x 15 x 15 foot cubicle where the Ark of the Covenant contained the Ten Commandments. God himself had previously inscribed these laws in stone. This was one place in Israel that was to be kept most separated from sin and evil. It was fully devoted to God's service.
God himself is holy.
God's holiness means that he is completely separated from sin and devoted to seeking his own honor. God placed angels in his service who contantly call to one another:
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
The whole earth is full of his glory. (Isaiah 6:3 NIV)
God calls us to be holy.
God directed Moses to tell his people: "Be holy, because I, the Lord your God, am holy." (Exodus 19:2 NIV) This meant that the Israelites were supposed to keep themselves separate from anything evil or sinful and to devote themselves to glorifying God.
As New Testament believers, we are called to separate ourselves from the negative influence that comes from close association with unbelievers. As a survivor of abuse, this point came across clearly to me one day as I was struggling to understand why I could never seem to get along with my first husband or my parents. I read 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (NIV), and a light bulb went on for me:
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.
As God has said: "I will live with them and walk aong them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from them and be separate," says the Lord, "Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters."
These words brought such clarity and comfort to me that I was dumbstruck. Of course I couldn't get along with people who had abused me! They were not walking in the light of God's love, and I was trying to.
I imagined Jesus trying to walk hand in hand with Satan. The Lord would never do something so ridiculous, and yet I had been trying to do exactly that my entire life.
This Scripture passage set me free, because it gave me permission to separate myself from people whose lives were steeped in sin. I realized that people from within our own families may not be suitable companions for us.
And when we find ourselves emotionally without family, God steps in with the promise to be our Father. This passage alays brings me comfort, because no matter how my family members may treat me here on earth, God calls me his daughter.
Separated from sin and devoted to God
A few years ago, I spent some time in an Amish community. As I got to know the people, I began to understand why they felt so strongly about isolating themselves from the world. They reject alliances with businesses such as the energy company, a water supplier, and even bankers; because they view these groups as sinful. The Amish do not wish to be subject to the authority of businesses, but only to the authority of God.
While I think the Amish practice of such strict isolation is a bit extreme, it provides us with food for thought. What alliances have we forged which may not be pleasing to God or bringing him glory?
Sin is as contagious as influenza.
This week, Joe and I have been infected with influenza. We have been directed by our doctor to separate ourselves from others until we are free of fever for at least 24 hours. Our friends are wise to stay away from our home until we are well.
Sin is a lot like influenza. If we aren't careful, we can be 'infected' by the sinful influence of others around us. We may drift far from God without even realizing it if we are living with someone who does not live to glorify God.
If we are living with an abuser who does not glorify God or respect us, we are putting ourselves at great spiritual risk. Allowing ourselves to be abused does not honor God, who lives within us. If we are God's temple, we must separate ourselves from people who seek to harm us.
Today's Challenge
Look around yourself today and think about relationships that may be taking you far from God. What can you do to separate yourself from evil? How can you better devote yourself to glorifying God? Write down in your journal what you can do differently to live a life that is holy and pleasing to God.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Start Now and Just Do It!
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #63
We have only two days left in our lessons from Jack Canfield's book, The Success Principles. Beginning January 31, we will begin a new series on forgiveness.
Don't let your fears hold you back.
So many survivors of abuse and trauma let their fears hold them back, and they never even try to achieve their dreams. Oliver Wendell Holmes, former U.S. Supreme Court justice, wrote:
Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often, it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.
If we allow the fear that our abusers instilled in us or memories of traumatic events to hold us back, we may die without ever getting the chance to bless the world with our God-given gifts.
At this point, I have four books that are nearly complete. For a number of years, I have been editing them so that they will be ready for publication. The truth is, I've been over-working them, because I'm afraid to send them out there. I hate the rejection letters, and it's safer to just keep working on them than to admit that I'm afraid.
The problem with this habit is that I'm preventing my readers from receiving the blessings that God wants them to have through my writing. I've learned so much about thriving after life kicks us in the teeth; and by sitting on my work, I'm preventing someone else from achieving their dreams.
Satan uses fear to keep us from sharing the love of Christ with others. What fears are holding you back?
Take the first step.
An ancient Chinese proverb says,
A journey of 1,000 miles must begin with one step.
I didn't learn how to write overnight. It began with taking the first step of choosing a creative writing class in high school. To date, I have published hundreds of articles and several books. My success began with that first step.
Anyone can succeed at life, but they must take the first step. What are you waiting for?
Fail forward.
Sometimes, we need to take a class or attend a workshop to learn some new skills. But in reality, all of life is a classroom, where we are constantly learning how to do things better. Some of the most important things we need to know can't be learned in a classroom or perfected at seminars. We have to get out there and just try. When we fail, we can ask for feedback, go back, and try again.
Believe it or not, our abuse or trauma has probably taught us more than we have ever learned in school. We know how to comfort someone who is suffering, because we have experienced that same comfort through God's love when we were hurting. My favorite Bible verse comes from 2 Corinthians 1:3-5:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
Are you waiting to learn something new before you can achieve your dreams? Is it possible that you already have the skills to become successful? Are you willing to fail, get feedback, and try again?
Keep trying.
The apostle Paul wrote about the need for perseverance in our faith walk, and I believe this passage is an excellent one for those of us who are afraid to fail at life. He wrote,
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with peseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1b)
God has marked out a race for each one of us by giving us a purpose. It's up to us to start running along that path. On the way, we'll bless others, and when we arrive at the end of our lives, we will reach a lovely new beginning.
What is keeping you from achieving God's plan for your life? If you know what it is, why aren't you running the race?
Unforeseen opportunities grow out of your forward motion.
Buckminster Fuller, a scientist and philosopher, wrote about something he calls precessional effects. They are the outcomes of our forward motion as we strive to serve humanity.
To better understand this concept, he explains that a honeybee's primary purpose in life is to gather nectar. As he flies from flower to flower, he is unwittingly involved in a much bigger plan: he is cross-pollinating all of the rooted botanicals that he touches.
As we move forward toward our goals, we create these same types of precessional effects. I never dreamed when I began writing that I would eventually become the editor of a pharmaceutical journal or the ghost-writer of an evangelst's biography. These effects simply occurred, because I saw myself as a writer and kept moving ahead.
Are you creating precessional effects? Or are you sitting still, paralyzed by fears that are preventing you from blessing others?
Today's Challenge
Many people have no clue about how to achieve their dreams. We have learned from one of the best success coaches in the world how to get from where we are today to where we want to be tomorrow. The key to overcoming our abusive or traumatic past is to put what we have learned about our life's purpose into action.
Start today by going back through my blog posts and working through each principle one at a time, in the order that they were presented. Of all the principles we've learned, I believe one of the most important is to create a goals book. It's exciting to review our goals and action plans daily and to see that we are actually making progress toward our dreams.
You can succeed, but you've got to get started. And you must keep on until you've reached your goals. Imagine the joy you will feel when you arrive at the end of your life, and Jesus says, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Now get out there and just do it!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
We have only two days left in our lessons from Jack Canfield's book, The Success Principles. Beginning January 31, we will begin a new series on forgiveness.
Don't let your fears hold you back.
So many survivors of abuse and trauma let their fears hold them back, and they never even try to achieve their dreams. Oliver Wendell Holmes, former U.S. Supreme Court justice, wrote:
Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often, it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.
If we allow the fear that our abusers instilled in us or memories of traumatic events to hold us back, we may die without ever getting the chance to bless the world with our God-given gifts.
At this point, I have four books that are nearly complete. For a number of years, I have been editing them so that they will be ready for publication. The truth is, I've been over-working them, because I'm afraid to send them out there. I hate the rejection letters, and it's safer to just keep working on them than to admit that I'm afraid.
The problem with this habit is that I'm preventing my readers from receiving the blessings that God wants them to have through my writing. I've learned so much about thriving after life kicks us in the teeth; and by sitting on my work, I'm preventing someone else from achieving their dreams.
Satan uses fear to keep us from sharing the love of Christ with others. What fears are holding you back?
Take the first step.
An ancient Chinese proverb says,
A journey of 1,000 miles must begin with one step.
I didn't learn how to write overnight. It began with taking the first step of choosing a creative writing class in high school. To date, I have published hundreds of articles and several books. My success began with that first step.
Anyone can succeed at life, but they must take the first step. What are you waiting for?
Fail forward.
Sometimes, we need to take a class or attend a workshop to learn some new skills. But in reality, all of life is a classroom, where we are constantly learning how to do things better. Some of the most important things we need to know can't be learned in a classroom or perfected at seminars. We have to get out there and just try. When we fail, we can ask for feedback, go back, and try again.
Believe it or not, our abuse or trauma has probably taught us more than we have ever learned in school. We know how to comfort someone who is suffering, because we have experienced that same comfort through God's love when we were hurting. My favorite Bible verse comes from 2 Corinthians 1:3-5:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
Are you waiting to learn something new before you can achieve your dreams? Is it possible that you already have the skills to become successful? Are you willing to fail, get feedback, and try again?
Keep trying.
The apostle Paul wrote about the need for perseverance in our faith walk, and I believe this passage is an excellent one for those of us who are afraid to fail at life. He wrote,
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with peseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1b)
God has marked out a race for each one of us by giving us a purpose. It's up to us to start running along that path. On the way, we'll bless others, and when we arrive at the end of our lives, we will reach a lovely new beginning.
What is keeping you from achieving God's plan for your life? If you know what it is, why aren't you running the race?
Unforeseen opportunities grow out of your forward motion.
Buckminster Fuller, a scientist and philosopher, wrote about something he calls precessional effects. They are the outcomes of our forward motion as we strive to serve humanity.
To better understand this concept, he explains that a honeybee's primary purpose in life is to gather nectar. As he flies from flower to flower, he is unwittingly involved in a much bigger plan: he is cross-pollinating all of the rooted botanicals that he touches.
As we move forward toward our goals, we create these same types of precessional effects. I never dreamed when I began writing that I would eventually become the editor of a pharmaceutical journal or the ghost-writer of an evangelst's biography. These effects simply occurred, because I saw myself as a writer and kept moving ahead.
Are you creating precessional effects? Or are you sitting still, paralyzed by fears that are preventing you from blessing others?
Today's Challenge
Many people have no clue about how to achieve their dreams. We have learned from one of the best success coaches in the world how to get from where we are today to where we want to be tomorrow. The key to overcoming our abusive or traumatic past is to put what we have learned about our life's purpose into action.
Start today by going back through my blog posts and working through each principle one at a time, in the order that they were presented. Of all the principles we've learned, I believe one of the most important is to create a goals book. It's exciting to review our goals and action plans daily and to see that we are actually making progress toward our dreams.
You can succeed, but you've got to get started. And you must keep on until you've reached your goals. Imagine the joy you will feel when you arrive at the end of your life, and Jesus says, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Now get out there and just do it!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Find a Way to Serve
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #62
When we volunteer, we receive far more than we give. We find inner joy by serving others, as well as some other benefits that Jack identifies.
Volunteerism pays off.
Research on volunteerism shows that people who give their time to others live longer, have stronger immune systems, suffer fewer heart attacks, recover more quickly from heart attacks, have higher self-esteem, and enjoy a deeper sense of purpose than people who don't volunteer.
People who volunteer when they're young are more likely to end up in higher-paying jobs than their counterparts. Employers report that they often look to see if job candidates have engaged in volunteer work before hiring them. In addition, networking during volunteer time frequently leads to unexpected career opportunities.
By volunteering, we can learn success skills that we wouldn't ordinarily acquire. Some employers, such as SAFECO and Pillsbury, actually build volunteerism into their employee development programs.
For many years, I volunteered at our public and school libraries. Without realizing it, I was preparing myself for a great deal of the research that I now do as a writer.
Volunteer to match your purpose.
When we volunteer, it's important to serve people we feel passionate about. I have very little in common with basketball players, so volunteering to help with a youth basketball team wouldn't do much for me or the kids.
I love to sew, therefore I volunteer my time to lead a quilting group at my church. We give the finished quilts to terminally ill patients at the hospital. Our group uses Scripture from 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV) to encourage patients and their families:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.l For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
For those of us who have survived incest, abuse, or trauma, there are countless opportunities to help others who have been victims. Sometimes, it's hard to understand why God allowed us to suffer as we did. But by serving other survivors, we can bring some sense to our own pain. We can look at our experiences as preparation for helping others to thrive. By learning to share the comfort that we have already received from God, we bring meaning to our own suffering.
How much time should we volunteer?
We were members of Southeast Christian Church while Joe was attending seminary. Their slogan for personal growth was 1-1-1: one hour of worship, one hour of Bible study, and one hour of service per week. This was suggested as a starting place for new members. Remember from yesterday's lesson that we should ideally be giving ten percent of our time, as well as our money to others in need.
Today's Challenge
There are many nonprofit organizations that can use your skills. Make a list of people you would enjoy helping, places you would like to serve, and skills that you can offer. Figure out how to serve for just one hour this week, and build your volunteerism from there.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
When we volunteer, we receive far more than we give. We find inner joy by serving others, as well as some other benefits that Jack identifies.
Volunteerism pays off.
Research on volunteerism shows that people who give their time to others live longer, have stronger immune systems, suffer fewer heart attacks, recover more quickly from heart attacks, have higher self-esteem, and enjoy a deeper sense of purpose than people who don't volunteer.
People who volunteer when they're young are more likely to end up in higher-paying jobs than their counterparts. Employers report that they often look to see if job candidates have engaged in volunteer work before hiring them. In addition, networking during volunteer time frequently leads to unexpected career opportunities.
By volunteering, we can learn success skills that we wouldn't ordinarily acquire. Some employers, such as SAFECO and Pillsbury, actually build volunteerism into their employee development programs.
For many years, I volunteered at our public and school libraries. Without realizing it, I was preparing myself for a great deal of the research that I now do as a writer.
Volunteer to match your purpose.
When we volunteer, it's important to serve people we feel passionate about. I have very little in common with basketball players, so volunteering to help with a youth basketball team wouldn't do much for me or the kids.
I love to sew, therefore I volunteer my time to lead a quilting group at my church. We give the finished quilts to terminally ill patients at the hospital. Our group uses Scripture from 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV) to encourage patients and their families:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.l For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
For those of us who have survived incest, abuse, or trauma, there are countless opportunities to help others who have been victims. Sometimes, it's hard to understand why God allowed us to suffer as we did. But by serving other survivors, we can bring some sense to our own pain. We can look at our experiences as preparation for helping others to thrive. By learning to share the comfort that we have already received from God, we bring meaning to our own suffering.
How much time should we volunteer?
We were members of Southeast Christian Church while Joe was attending seminary. Their slogan for personal growth was 1-1-1: one hour of worship, one hour of Bible study, and one hour of service per week. This was suggested as a starting place for new members. Remember from yesterday's lesson that we should ideally be giving ten percent of our time, as well as our money to others in need.
Today's Challenge
There are many nonprofit organizations that can use your skills. Make a list of people you would enjoy helping, places you would like to serve, and skills that you can offer. Figure out how to serve for just one hour this week, and build your volunteerism from there.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Give More to Get More
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #61
Jack writes some things in today's lesson that really bother me. In the first paragraph, he says, "By tithing regularly, you, too, can put into motion God's universal force, bringing you continual abundance." My concern is that many readers may misunderstand that this means tithing will guarantee monetary success. Jack actually writes that tithing "is one of the best guarantees of prosperity ever known."
What is tithing?
The Bible clearly spells out what tithing is. Leviticus 27:30 (NIV) reads, A tithe (tenth) of everything from the land, whether grain from the soil or fruit from the trees, belongs to the Lord; it is holy to the Lord.
If it weren't for God, we would have nothing. When we fail to give back to him our tithe, we are, in essence, robbing God.
Malachi 3:10 (MSG) was written to the Israelites at a time when they were holding back their tithes. It reads:
Begin by being honest. Do honest people rob God? But you rob me day after day. "You ask, 'How have we robbed you?' "The tithe and the offering—that's how! And now you're under a curse —the whole lot of you—because you're robbing me. Bring your full tithe to the Temple treasury so there will be ample provisions in my Temple. Test me in this and see if I don't open up heaven itself to you and pour out blessings beyond your wildest dreams. For my part, I will defend you against marauders, protect your wheat fields and vegetable gardens against plunderers."
If we are in a relationship with God, our love for him ought to compel us to give more than ten percent to his work. The way I look at it, the tithe is just the beginning. If I could give fifty percent, I would.
Why can't I bring myself to tithe?
As an abuse survivor, I have sometimes experienced difficulty with tithing, because it meant that I was giving up control of the one part of my life that I thought I could manage. God's laughing his head off over that statement, I'm sure!
We may have trouble trusting God, because our earthly parents did not provide for us. We see our money as our own...a means to keep ourselves safe from harm. Letting go of just ten percent of our earnings may stir up feelings of fear.
It is true that God promises blessings to those who release their hold on their tithes. But those blessings may not necessarily come in the form of millions of dollars. They may come to us as friendships, respect, peace, and joy. If we are giving from the love God has placed in our hearts, the peace we get in return for giving is immeasurable.
Practice two types of tithing.
There are two types of tithing: giving of our money; and giving of our time. The closer we grow in relationship with God, the more we want to give back to him. Just writing a check to the church or a charity isn't enough. We want to volunteer as much of our free time as we can to serve others. That's because God's love can't be contained within us. The more we receive, the more we feel compelled to give.
Today's Challenge
Examine your budget and calendar. Consider how much of your money and time are going toward God's work. Are you giving him what he deserves? Or are you robbing him? If you can't bring yourself to tithe, consider your view of God and your relationship with him. Do you need to surrender control over this part of your life to him? Can you trust him to provide if you let go of ten percent?
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Jack writes some things in today's lesson that really bother me. In the first paragraph, he says, "By tithing regularly, you, too, can put into motion God's universal force, bringing you continual abundance." My concern is that many readers may misunderstand that this means tithing will guarantee monetary success. Jack actually writes that tithing "is one of the best guarantees of prosperity ever known."
What is tithing?
The Bible clearly spells out what tithing is. Leviticus 27:30 (NIV) reads, A tithe (tenth) of everything from the land, whether grain from the soil or fruit from the trees, belongs to the Lord; it is holy to the Lord.
If it weren't for God, we would have nothing. When we fail to give back to him our tithe, we are, in essence, robbing God.
Malachi 3:10 (MSG) was written to the Israelites at a time when they were holding back their tithes. It reads:
Begin by being honest. Do honest people rob God? But you rob me day after day. "You ask, 'How have we robbed you?' "The tithe and the offering—that's how! And now you're under a curse —the whole lot of you—because you're robbing me. Bring your full tithe to the Temple treasury so there will be ample provisions in my Temple. Test me in this and see if I don't open up heaven itself to you and pour out blessings beyond your wildest dreams. For my part, I will defend you against marauders, protect your wheat fields and vegetable gardens against plunderers."
If we are in a relationship with God, our love for him ought to compel us to give more than ten percent to his work. The way I look at it, the tithe is just the beginning. If I could give fifty percent, I would.
Why can't I bring myself to tithe?
As an abuse survivor, I have sometimes experienced difficulty with tithing, because it meant that I was giving up control of the one part of my life that I thought I could manage. God's laughing his head off over that statement, I'm sure!
We may have trouble trusting God, because our earthly parents did not provide for us. We see our money as our own...a means to keep ourselves safe from harm. Letting go of just ten percent of our earnings may stir up feelings of fear.
It is true that God promises blessings to those who release their hold on their tithes. But those blessings may not necessarily come in the form of millions of dollars. They may come to us as friendships, respect, peace, and joy. If we are giving from the love God has placed in our hearts, the peace we get in return for giving is immeasurable.
Practice two types of tithing.
There are two types of tithing: giving of our money; and giving of our time. The closer we grow in relationship with God, the more we want to give back to him. Just writing a check to the church or a charity isn't enough. We want to volunteer as much of our free time as we can to serve others. That's because God's love can't be contained within us. The more we receive, the more we feel compelled to give.
Today's Challenge
Examine your budget and calendar. Consider how much of your money and time are going toward God's work. Are you giving him what he deserves? Or are you robbing him? If you can't bring yourself to tithe, consider your view of God and your relationship with him. Do you need to surrender control over this part of your life to him? Can you trust him to provide if you let go of ten percent?
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Monday, January 24, 2011
To Spend More, First Make More
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #60
If we're going to overcome as survivors of abuse or trauma, we must work hard to first provide for our basic needs. When we're no longer worrying about physical or financial survival, we can focus on learning ways to thrive emotionally and spiritually.
Jack believes that there are two ways to have more: spend less on mundane things to save for what we want; or earn more to begin with. I think that doing both is a good idea.
Figure out how to make more money.
Before we can begin making more money, we must set a goal that spells out exactly how much we need. Remember, we must have goals that we turn into affirmations on index cards or in a goals book if we want to achieve our dreams.
Jack provides five ideas for making more money, as follows:
1) Become an intrapraneur.
By definition, an intrapraneur is an entrepreneur who gets hired by his or her own company to fill a niche that the company can't. Obviously, to do this, we must first be employed.
In my opinion, following this tactic of becoming an intrapraneur would more likely net us a nice raise or a promotion, rather than a new stream of income. We would have a better chance if we figured out what our company isn't doing well and then start our own entrepreneurship to fill that need.
2) Find a need and fill it.
Thomas Edison said, "I find out what the world needs, then I proceed to invent." There are unmet needs all around us, and if we're creative, we can find ways to make money from them.
When I was studying interior design, I kept hearing from everyone in the business, "Good luck finding someone to make window treatments!" At that time, there were very few drapery workrooms and few choices in ready-mades.
I decided to specialize in window treatment design by opening my own drapery workroom. Word got out that I could design and fabricate custom window treatments, so designers began hiring me to handle tasks that most of them knew little about. They were relieved, and I was making great money doing something that I loved.
We can look around and think about something that needs to be provided, solved, addressed or eliminated. Our aging population and single parents have needs that go unmet every day. If we ask what's missing, we will find a way to make people's lives easier or more fulfilling.
3) Think outside the box.
Sometimes there's a need that is partially being met, but we can think of ways to do it better. If we think outside the box, we can come up with solutions that pay off great benefits.
When my son was in public school, he was not learning as one would expect. By the time he got to fifth grade, he could barely read. I spent a fortune on private schools for a few years, but I wasn't seeing much improvement.
Twenty years ago, home schooling was considered radical. In the state where we lived, it was barely legal. Considering home schooling was outside-of-the-box thinking, but I finally decided that it was what my son needed.
Within a year, he was reading at the level of an eleventh-grader. While I wasn't getting rich through home schooling, the benefits were outstanding. I saved a lot of tution money that was being wasted, and my son grew up knowing how to learn.
We can all see ways of improving things if we look around us. There are gaps in services everywhere, and by thinking outside the box, we can make or save money by doing things better.
4) Start a business on the Internet.
In today's market, anyone can start up a small business on the Internet, even if they've already got a job. We can fill the needs of very narrow markets by reaching millions of shoppers worldwide.
I recently set up an internet business to sell quilts. With the help of the Small Business Development Center director, I managed to get myself online within about a week. It cost me $25 for a vendor's license and a few hundred dollars worth of materials.
You can see the results of my Internet efforts by looking online at www.etsy.com/shop/hopequiltsofohio. For help with your own business set-up, go to www.sba.gov/sbdc.
5) Join a network marketing company.
There are thousands of companies that sell their products through network marketing. I've been involved in several of them, without great success. I do believe it's possible to make a good deal of money this way by selling vitamins, cosmetics, and so on; but I don't believe I was very good at it, because it wasn't my purpose. Unless we feel passionate about what we're selling, we can't usually sustain the effort.
Ecclesiastes 5:18 (NIV) reads, Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun druing the few days of life God has given him--for this is his lot. If we're going to choose extra work for ourselves, we should make sure it's something we enjoy.
Create multiple sources of income.
Of all the advice on financial success in this book, I believe this is the smartest tip. Too many of us have placed all of our faith in our jobs. When we get laid off, our health fails, or our job gets eliminated, where does that leave us? If we have multiple sources of income, we can create economic security.
While building multiple sources of income, it's important to look for business opportunities that require very little time and money. No matter what we decide to do, our extra work must match our purpose if we want to succeed at it.
Today's Challenge
Brainstorm ways to earn more income, using Jack's five suggestions above. Write them down and begin exploring the one or two that feel right for you. Remember to pursue the ideas that are in alignment with your purpose.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
If we're going to overcome as survivors of abuse or trauma, we must work hard to first provide for our basic needs. When we're no longer worrying about physical or financial survival, we can focus on learning ways to thrive emotionally and spiritually.
Jack believes that there are two ways to have more: spend less on mundane things to save for what we want; or earn more to begin with. I think that doing both is a good idea.
Figure out how to make more money.
Before we can begin making more money, we must set a goal that spells out exactly how much we need. Remember, we must have goals that we turn into affirmations on index cards or in a goals book if we want to achieve our dreams.
Jack provides five ideas for making more money, as follows:
1) Become an intrapraneur.
By definition, an intrapraneur is an entrepreneur who gets hired by his or her own company to fill a niche that the company can't. Obviously, to do this, we must first be employed.
In my opinion, following this tactic of becoming an intrapraneur would more likely net us a nice raise or a promotion, rather than a new stream of income. We would have a better chance if we figured out what our company isn't doing well and then start our own entrepreneurship to fill that need.
2) Find a need and fill it.
Thomas Edison said, "I find out what the world needs, then I proceed to invent." There are unmet needs all around us, and if we're creative, we can find ways to make money from them.
When I was studying interior design, I kept hearing from everyone in the business, "Good luck finding someone to make window treatments!" At that time, there were very few drapery workrooms and few choices in ready-mades.
I decided to specialize in window treatment design by opening my own drapery workroom. Word got out that I could design and fabricate custom window treatments, so designers began hiring me to handle tasks that most of them knew little about. They were relieved, and I was making great money doing something that I loved.
We can look around and think about something that needs to be provided, solved, addressed or eliminated. Our aging population and single parents have needs that go unmet every day. If we ask what's missing, we will find a way to make people's lives easier or more fulfilling.
3) Think outside the box.
Sometimes there's a need that is partially being met, but we can think of ways to do it better. If we think outside the box, we can come up with solutions that pay off great benefits.
When my son was in public school, he was not learning as one would expect. By the time he got to fifth grade, he could barely read. I spent a fortune on private schools for a few years, but I wasn't seeing much improvement.
Twenty years ago, home schooling was considered radical. In the state where we lived, it was barely legal. Considering home schooling was outside-of-the-box thinking, but I finally decided that it was what my son needed.
Within a year, he was reading at the level of an eleventh-grader. While I wasn't getting rich through home schooling, the benefits were outstanding. I saved a lot of tution money that was being wasted, and my son grew up knowing how to learn.
We can all see ways of improving things if we look around us. There are gaps in services everywhere, and by thinking outside the box, we can make or save money by doing things better.
4) Start a business on the Internet.
In today's market, anyone can start up a small business on the Internet, even if they've already got a job. We can fill the needs of very narrow markets by reaching millions of shoppers worldwide.
I recently set up an internet business to sell quilts. With the help of the Small Business Development Center director, I managed to get myself online within about a week. It cost me $25 for a vendor's license and a few hundred dollars worth of materials.
You can see the results of my Internet efforts by looking online at www.etsy.com/shop/hopequiltsofohio. For help with your own business set-up, go to www.sba.gov/sbdc.
5) Join a network marketing company.
There are thousands of companies that sell their products through network marketing. I've been involved in several of them, without great success. I do believe it's possible to make a good deal of money this way by selling vitamins, cosmetics, and so on; but I don't believe I was very good at it, because it wasn't my purpose. Unless we feel passionate about what we're selling, we can't usually sustain the effort.
Ecclesiastes 5:18 (NIV) reads, Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun druing the few days of life God has given him--for this is his lot. If we're going to choose extra work for ourselves, we should make sure it's something we enjoy.
Create multiple sources of income.
Of all the advice on financial success in this book, I believe this is the smartest tip. Too many of us have placed all of our faith in our jobs. When we get laid off, our health fails, or our job gets eliminated, where does that leave us? If we have multiple sources of income, we can create economic security.
While building multiple sources of income, it's important to look for business opportunities that require very little time and money. No matter what we decide to do, our extra work must match our purpose if we want to succeed at it.
Today's Challenge
Brainstorm ways to earn more income, using Jack's five suggestions above. Write them down and begin exploring the one or two that feel right for you. Remember to pursue the ideas that are in alignment with your purpose.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
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