We are drawing close to the end of our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Along the way, we have learned about how abuse and trauma changes us, how God plays an important role in the process, and how imperative it is for us to learn about our own need for forgiveness.
When we recognize the difference between righteousness and sin, we are better able to look within and see that we have faults, just as the person we need to forgive does. Different faults, but faults, nonetheless.
If we can admit that we have problems, ask God to forgive us, and accept his grace, we are poised to consider how we might change. And change we must, if we ever want to forgive.
Let go and let God.
For many of us who are survivors, we cling to unforgiveness, because it's the only way we believe that we can control the situation and force our perpetrators to change. We wrongly believe that if we withhold forgiveness, the other person will apologize and set things right. This is not how forgiveness works. God is the only one who can measure out just the right doses of justice and grace. We must let go so that God can work in the situation.
Change yourself, not your enemy.
We must initiate deep and lasting changes within ourselves. When we do, if our enemy is capable of change, he will respond. Waiting for him to make the first move leaves us holding onto bitterness that serves only to hurt us.
If the person who has hurt us is what I would call toxic, he may never change. In cases like this, why would we want to remain involved in the process of reforming him? To me, this seems about as smart as swimming with crocodiles. Get out of the water and let God deal with truly toxic people.
What kind of change do we need?
When it seems unclear how we are supposed to go about changing, I think that the best place to look is at God. We've already learned about his character. By imitating him, we find the change within ourselves that creates peace.
I go back constantly to Galatians 5:22 (NIV): But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. When we get to the point of living where those adjectives describe us, we're finally on the right path toward forgiving.
Old habits die hard.
This degree of change within ourselves is not easy. Like all humans, we are creatures of habit. And habits die hard.
For instance, my doctor recently put me on a rotation diet so that I can overcome numerous food allergies. This is not an easy way of life, because the diet demands that I eat only certain foods on particular days.
To follow this diet, I had to go through my pantry, cupboards, fridge, and freezer. I gave away or threw out bags of food and arranged what was left in groupings that help me follow the meal plans.
This diet made me think about how profound our change of heart must be to reach a point of forgiving. It's not a quick fix, and it takes a lot of determination and learning to get to a point of success. More importantly, it has to become a way of life in order to work.
Through my diet, I am hoping to overcome my body's reactions to foods. Through my prayer time and Bible study, I hope to become so much like Jesus Christ that I get to a point of being able to forgive the people who have hurt me the most.
Let go of pride (the need to control), and the rest is easy.
Jesus said in Matthew 18:3-4 (NIV), "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
Before I began working on this series, I thought I understood how to get from beginning to end in the journey of forgiveness. God has showed me a better route than the one I had mapped out. The solution to the problems of bitterness, anger, revenge, and hatred lies in one change: humility.
As noted in the above passage, unless we become as humble as little children, we'll never be able to truly forgive. And if we can't forgive, we may wind up outside of God's kingdom forever. That thought keeps me focused on finding a way to forgive, no matter how difficult the journey may get.
Today's Challenge
What do you need to change about yourself in order to forgive? Are you able to let go now so that God can deal with your enemy? Tell God today that you are ready to release the person who hurt you. By giving your enemy to God, you will finally show by your actions that you trust God enough to take care of the outcome.
Showing posts with label sin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sin. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Ask God to Forgive You
Over the course of my series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, we have learned how abuse or trauma has left us broken. We have studied God's character so that we can imitate him. Yesterday, we looked into our own character and asked God to reveal our faults. Today, we take the next step on the road to forgiveness by asking God to forgive us.
The Lord's Prayer
All of us are guilty of sinning. Therefore, we need to go to God daily to ask him for forgiveness. When someone asked how we are supposed to pray, Jesus gave us the model for prayer known as The Lord's Prayer:
You should pray like this: Our Father in heaven, help us to honor your name. Come and set up your kingdom, so that everyone on earth will obey you, as you are obeyed in heaven. Give us our food for today. Forgive us for doing wrong, as we forgive others. Matthew 6:9-12 (CEV)
There are two types of forgiveness prayers.
We learned earlier that God's grace provides us with salvation from eternal punishment when we say that we believe in Jesus as our savior. When we arrive at the point of surrendering control of our lives to Christ, we pray for forgiveness so that we might be saved. We only need to pray for that type of forgiveness once. We need just one salvation, and we can never lose it unless we later denounce God the Father, Son, or Holy Spirit.
Let me simplify this concept for you. If we love someone and desire to marry them, we go to a person licensed by the state to join us as husband and wife. There is no need to return daily, weekly, or annually to that officiant to be married over and over. Once is enough. The same is true of our adoption into God's family. One prayer asking for forgiveness and surrendering control is adequate.
The second type of forgiveness prayer does need to occur daily. The Bible clearly tells us in the passage above that we need to talk to God daily. During our time with him, we need to ask him to forgive us for our daily sins so that we can also forgive others.
This type of forgiveness prayer is designed to help us restore our relationship with God each day. Because if we're all sinners, we're constantly breaking down that relationship.
To clarify this, we can think again of the marriage model. We don't need to find someone daily to re-marry us to our spouses. But we do need to tell our spouses daily that we love them. Imagine how difficult it would be to remain in a relationship with a spouse that you never talked to, never spent time with, never loved, or never apologized to. Such a marriage would be unbearable.
God loves us and wants to have a close, vital relationship with us every day. If we fail to go to him to confess our faults, we create a really strained and distant relationship with him that lacks the peace we are seeking.
Sometimes, we can't identify our sins.
There will be times when we can't identify any sin in ourselves. This does not mean that we are sin-free. It simply means that we need to spend more time reflecting on who we truly are. Scripture clearly tells us that we are liars if we claim to be without sin:
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. (I John 1:8-10 NIV)
Even when we can't see any sin in ourselves, it is still present. By following the discipline of daily prayer, asking God to forgive us, we put ourselves into a closer relationship with him.
Our own forgiveness comes before we can forgive our enemies.
We must ask for our own forgiveness before we can fully forgive the person who has hurt us. Why? If we don't understand the process of our own forgiveness, we can't possibly understand what is expected of our enemies.
If we don't personally experience the forgiveness of our own sins, and we expect our enemies to apologize to us on our terms; all we're really looking for is control over the situation. Our pride demands that our enemy gives us back the power that we lost so that we can continue to feel superior toward him.
By fully recognizing God's righteousness and our own faults, we see that all people need forgiveness. We level the playing field so that we are no longer superior to anyone in need of forgiveness, including that person who has hurt us most deeply.
God showed me where I was wrong.
The image of my father being taken away in handcuffs will forever be imprinted in my mind. At that moment, I realized that all of us deserve punishment for our sins. God's angels could be taking me away in cuffs to spend eternity separated from God. The only difference between my father and me is that he committed a sin that also happened to break a law.
God has used my father's crimes and his sentencing to reveal to me my sin of pride. This new understanding of my own faults has drastically changed the way I look at myself and the process of forgiving. Until God revealed this flaw to me, I was stuck in the forgiveness process. What's holding you back from forgiving?
Today's ChallengeIf there is something keeping you from forgiving an enemy, ask God to reveal your own sin. When he does, admit it to God and ask for his forgiveness. As soon as you do, peace will flow into your life, as it has in mine.
The Lord's Prayer
All of us are guilty of sinning. Therefore, we need to go to God daily to ask him for forgiveness. When someone asked how we are supposed to pray, Jesus gave us the model for prayer known as The Lord's Prayer:
You should pray like this: Our Father in heaven, help us to honor your name. Come and set up your kingdom, so that everyone on earth will obey you, as you are obeyed in heaven. Give us our food for today. Forgive us for doing wrong, as we forgive others. Matthew 6:9-12 (CEV)
There are two types of forgiveness prayers.
We learned earlier that God's grace provides us with salvation from eternal punishment when we say that we believe in Jesus as our savior. When we arrive at the point of surrendering control of our lives to Christ, we pray for forgiveness so that we might be saved. We only need to pray for that type of forgiveness once. We need just one salvation, and we can never lose it unless we later denounce God the Father, Son, or Holy Spirit.
Let me simplify this concept for you. If we love someone and desire to marry them, we go to a person licensed by the state to join us as husband and wife. There is no need to return daily, weekly, or annually to that officiant to be married over and over. Once is enough. The same is true of our adoption into God's family. One prayer asking for forgiveness and surrendering control is adequate.
The second type of forgiveness prayer does need to occur daily. The Bible clearly tells us in the passage above that we need to talk to God daily. During our time with him, we need to ask him to forgive us for our daily sins so that we can also forgive others.
This type of forgiveness prayer is designed to help us restore our relationship with God each day. Because if we're all sinners, we're constantly breaking down that relationship.
To clarify this, we can think again of the marriage model. We don't need to find someone daily to re-marry us to our spouses. But we do need to tell our spouses daily that we love them. Imagine how difficult it would be to remain in a relationship with a spouse that you never talked to, never spent time with, never loved, or never apologized to. Such a marriage would be unbearable.
God loves us and wants to have a close, vital relationship with us every day. If we fail to go to him to confess our faults, we create a really strained and distant relationship with him that lacks the peace we are seeking.
Sometimes, we can't identify our sins.
There will be times when we can't identify any sin in ourselves. This does not mean that we are sin-free. It simply means that we need to spend more time reflecting on who we truly are. Scripture clearly tells us that we are liars if we claim to be without sin:
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. (I John 1:8-10 NIV)
Even when we can't see any sin in ourselves, it is still present. By following the discipline of daily prayer, asking God to forgive us, we put ourselves into a closer relationship with him.
Our own forgiveness comes before we can forgive our enemies.
We must ask for our own forgiveness before we can fully forgive the person who has hurt us. Why? If we don't understand the process of our own forgiveness, we can't possibly understand what is expected of our enemies.
If we don't personally experience the forgiveness of our own sins, and we expect our enemies to apologize to us on our terms; all we're really looking for is control over the situation. Our pride demands that our enemy gives us back the power that we lost so that we can continue to feel superior toward him.
By fully recognizing God's righteousness and our own faults, we see that all people need forgiveness. We level the playing field so that we are no longer superior to anyone in need of forgiveness, including that person who has hurt us most deeply.
God showed me where I was wrong.
The image of my father being taken away in handcuffs will forever be imprinted in my mind. At that moment, I realized that all of us deserve punishment for our sins. God's angels could be taking me away in cuffs to spend eternity separated from God. The only difference between my father and me is that he committed a sin that also happened to break a law.
God has used my father's crimes and his sentencing to reveal to me my sin of pride. This new understanding of my own faults has drastically changed the way I look at myself and the process of forgiving. Until God revealed this flaw to me, I was stuck in the forgiveness process. What's holding you back from forgiving?
Today's ChallengeIf there is something keeping you from forgiving an enemy, ask God to reveal your own sin. When he does, admit it to God and ask for his forgiveness. As soon as you do, peace will flow into your life, as it has in mine.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Don't Become a Vampire Christian
We continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. I believe that understanding God's character and looking closely at the nature of mankind's sin is helpful as we attempt to forgive. Yesterday, we identified sin in ourselves and in others. Today, we think about how sin impacts everyone's lives.
Sin is a waste of our time and energy.
God wants Christians to progress along a path of ever-increasing righteousness. If we think about trying to become more like God, we can compare it to walking up a mountain toward eternal life. When we sin, we do an about-face and head back down the slope we just climbed. Clearly, this is a waste of effort and destroys the Christ-like character we are seeking.
Sin hurts us and others.
Each time that we allow sin into our lives, we inevitably experience a loss of spiritual strength. We suffer as God disciplines us.
Sin also harms our effectiveness in doing the work of God's kingdom. So not only does our sin hurt us, it also hurts others who might benefit from our imitating God's character.
I believe God wants me to use my gift of writing to help survivors of abuse and trauma. If I harbor anger or hatred toward my enemies, I'm not going to be able to serve my readers very effectively. My own sin would hurt me, but it would also hurt others who need to hear about God's love and how we can forgive.
Our sin affects our heavenly rewards.
There are degrees of reward in heaven, as evidenced by the words of I Corinthians 3:12-15 (NIV):
If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.
This passage is telling us that our righteousness will be evaluated on Judgment Day. We will receive heavenly rewards that are in keeping with our efforts to imitate God. Even if the world tells us that our righteousness is like gold, God's fire may prove that it is only as valuable as straw.
Don't spend your life as a Vampire Christian.
As we learned yesterday, a Christian who professes faith in Christ and spends his life striving to obey God's laws will not lose his place in heaven if he sins. Believers who enter into a relationship of grace with God through baptism and then do their best to remain in God's grace through obedience are known as born-again Christians. They do not engage in a lifestyle of sinning, and it is evident by their behavior that they have surrendered their will to Christ.
We must become aware that it is possible for some so-called believers to be what I call Vampire Christians. They desire just a little taste of the blood of Christ, but they aren't willing to fully immerse themselves in that blood through total surrender of their lives.
Vampire Christians are people who profess to be Christians, based on the fact that they attend a church or exhibit behaviors that seem to conform to moral standards of living. They profess belief in Christ and get baptized, but their behavior from that point onward does not lead anyone to see that they are Christians.
The problem with Vampire Christians is that they often take on a consistent pattern of disobedience to Christ. For instance, they may attend church and show up for plenty of church functions; but they perpetually sin through alcoholism, compulsive gambling, pornography addictions, and so on. Some of their sins may be less obvious, such as resentment, bitterness, anger, or hatred.
Vampire Christians lack evidence of spiritual growth, and it is nearly impossible to see in them the fruit of the spirit, as described in Galatians 5:22 (NIV):
But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
Jesus warns Vampire Christians that they will not inherit eternal life in Matthew 7:21-23 (NIV):
Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
These verses point out the importance of sanctifying grace, which comes through doing God's will throughout our lives--obeying his laws and commands to the best of our ability. Saving grace, which comes through baptism and profession of faith, is only a starting point. Sadly, Vampire Christians believe it is all that is necessary to achieve eternal life.
I was a Vampire Christian.
Before I met Joe, I was a Vampire Christian. I had been raised in a church that taught forgiveness through rote confession on Sunday mornings, regardless of the enormity of my sin throughout the week. Like all vampires, I lived a half-life, always hiding in darkness and never fully understanding how wonderful it felt to live fully in the light of Christ's love.
When Joe began teaching me about the importance of sanctifying grace, the Holy Spirit convicted me that I had been living a lie. I was not a true Christian, and if I wanted my reward of heaven, I needed to change my ways. Specifically, I needed to give up my sins of pride, anger, bitterness, and revenge toward people who had abused me. I began reading my Bible, studying Joe's books on theology, attending Bible studies, and meeting with more mature Christians.
The light dawned, and I realized all that I had been missing in my life as a Vampire Christian. Even though I had been baptized as an infant, I was baptized by immersion on my 40th birthday. When I came up out of the water, I knew that I had become a true Christian, never again to live that miserable half-life of the Vampire Christian.
Seeing our own sin takes us one step closer to forgiving others.
In summary, sin is the opposite of everything that God sees as right. While it is easy to point out our enemy's sins, we must be open to the possibility of our own sinful actions and thoughts.
If we are truly born-again Christians, our sin can never cause us to lose our salvation; but we may expect God to discipline us. Sin is a waste of time, hurts us and our witness to others, and affects our heavenly rewards.
Look inward to make sure that you aren't a Vampire Christian who is satisfied with mere belief in Christ but who lacks the ambition to become more like Him by obeying his laws. In order to forgive, survivors of abuse and trauma need to fully understand their own need for forgiveness, which comes through both saving grace and sanctifying grace from Jesus Christ.
Today's Challenge
How is your sin harming you? How is it affecting your ability to help others? Are you a born-again Christian, or are you guilty of living as a Vampire Christian? If you realize that you have been coasting through life on just your profession of faith, commit your life to Christ today by talking to a more mature Christian who can help you.
Sin is a waste of our time and energy.
God wants Christians to progress along a path of ever-increasing righteousness. If we think about trying to become more like God, we can compare it to walking up a mountain toward eternal life. When we sin, we do an about-face and head back down the slope we just climbed. Clearly, this is a waste of effort and destroys the Christ-like character we are seeking.
Sin hurts us and others.
Each time that we allow sin into our lives, we inevitably experience a loss of spiritual strength. We suffer as God disciplines us.
Sin also harms our effectiveness in doing the work of God's kingdom. So not only does our sin hurt us, it also hurts others who might benefit from our imitating God's character.
I believe God wants me to use my gift of writing to help survivors of abuse and trauma. If I harbor anger or hatred toward my enemies, I'm not going to be able to serve my readers very effectively. My own sin would hurt me, but it would also hurt others who need to hear about God's love and how we can forgive.
Our sin affects our heavenly rewards.
There are degrees of reward in heaven, as evidenced by the words of I Corinthians 3:12-15 (NIV):
If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.
This passage is telling us that our righteousness will be evaluated on Judgment Day. We will receive heavenly rewards that are in keeping with our efforts to imitate God. Even if the world tells us that our righteousness is like gold, God's fire may prove that it is only as valuable as straw.
Don't spend your life as a Vampire Christian.
As we learned yesterday, a Christian who professes faith in Christ and spends his life striving to obey God's laws will not lose his place in heaven if he sins. Believers who enter into a relationship of grace with God through baptism and then do their best to remain in God's grace through obedience are known as born-again Christians. They do not engage in a lifestyle of sinning, and it is evident by their behavior that they have surrendered their will to Christ.
We must become aware that it is possible for some so-called believers to be what I call Vampire Christians. They desire just a little taste of the blood of Christ, but they aren't willing to fully immerse themselves in that blood through total surrender of their lives.
Vampire Christians are people who profess to be Christians, based on the fact that they attend a church or exhibit behaviors that seem to conform to moral standards of living. They profess belief in Christ and get baptized, but their behavior from that point onward does not lead anyone to see that they are Christians.
The problem with Vampire Christians is that they often take on a consistent pattern of disobedience to Christ. For instance, they may attend church and show up for plenty of church functions; but they perpetually sin through alcoholism, compulsive gambling, pornography addictions, and so on. Some of their sins may be less obvious, such as resentment, bitterness, anger, or hatred.
Vampire Christians lack evidence of spiritual growth, and it is nearly impossible to see in them the fruit of the spirit, as described in Galatians 5:22 (NIV):
But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
Jesus warns Vampire Christians that they will not inherit eternal life in Matthew 7:21-23 (NIV):
Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
These verses point out the importance of sanctifying grace, which comes through doing God's will throughout our lives--obeying his laws and commands to the best of our ability. Saving grace, which comes through baptism and profession of faith, is only a starting point. Sadly, Vampire Christians believe it is all that is necessary to achieve eternal life.
I was a Vampire Christian.
Before I met Joe, I was a Vampire Christian. I had been raised in a church that taught forgiveness through rote confession on Sunday mornings, regardless of the enormity of my sin throughout the week. Like all vampires, I lived a half-life, always hiding in darkness and never fully understanding how wonderful it felt to live fully in the light of Christ's love.
When Joe began teaching me about the importance of sanctifying grace, the Holy Spirit convicted me that I had been living a lie. I was not a true Christian, and if I wanted my reward of heaven, I needed to change my ways. Specifically, I needed to give up my sins of pride, anger, bitterness, and revenge toward people who had abused me. I began reading my Bible, studying Joe's books on theology, attending Bible studies, and meeting with more mature Christians.
The light dawned, and I realized all that I had been missing in my life as a Vampire Christian. Even though I had been baptized as an infant, I was baptized by immersion on my 40th birthday. When I came up out of the water, I knew that I had become a true Christian, never again to live that miserable half-life of the Vampire Christian.
Seeing our own sin takes us one step closer to forgiving others.
In summary, sin is the opposite of everything that God sees as right. While it is easy to point out our enemy's sins, we must be open to the possibility of our own sinful actions and thoughts.
If we are truly born-again Christians, our sin can never cause us to lose our salvation; but we may expect God to discipline us. Sin is a waste of time, hurts us and our witness to others, and affects our heavenly rewards.
Look inward to make sure that you aren't a Vampire Christian who is satisfied with mere belief in Christ but who lacks the ambition to become more like Him by obeying his laws. In order to forgive, survivors of abuse and trauma need to fully understand their own need for forgiveness, which comes through both saving grace and sanctifying grace from Jesus Christ.
Today's Challenge
How is your sin harming you? How is it affecting your ability to help others? Are you a born-again Christian, or are you guilty of living as a Vampire Christian? If you realize that you have been coasting through life on just your profession of faith, commit your life to Christ today by talking to a more mature Christian who can help you.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Recognize Sin
For the past few weeks, we have learned about God's character in our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Today, we look at the concept of sin. By recognizing it in ourselves and in our enemies, we become better prepared to forgive those who have hurt us.
What is sin?
Previously, we defined righteousness as God's goodness, love, mercy, grace, patience, holiness, peacefulness, justice, jealousy, and wrath. Defining sin is simple, because it is the opposite of God's righteousness: sin is any failure to conform to God's character or law with any act or attitude.
Many times, we think of sin as those acts that people can see: lying, stealing, cheating, and so on. But God also prohibits attitudes such as jealousy, anger, and selfishness. Galatians 5:19-21 (NIV) describes both obvious and inner sins which can get us into trouble:
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, faction and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
It is easy to recognize sin in those who have hurt us.
I John 3:4 (NIV) tells us that Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. When someone abuses us or commits an act that leads to trauma, it is pretty easy to see it and label it as sin. Our justice system can prove a person's guilt, based on his actions and its interpretation of the law.
Ask any survivor of childhood sexual abuse if their perpetrator committed a sin when molesting them, and they will unequivocally answer with a resounding,Yes! Ask survivors of 911 whether or not the terrorists who destroyed the World Trade Center were sinning, and most will cry out, Undoubtedly!
It is not so easy to recognize sin in ourselves.
At the beginning of this series, I identified the roadblocks to forgiveness as anger, fear, lack of trust, low self-esteem, guilt, revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. Many of these characteristics are present in survivors of abuse and trauma.
I would like to assert that if these feelings are left unchecked, they can become a source of sin for survivors. For instance, we may feel a sense of anger toward our perpetrators. This is a natural response and drives us to seek help. However, if we allow ourselves to remain angry for the rest of time, I believe we have an issue with a sinful attitude.
For the past year, God has been using the case of my father molesting his grandchildren to teach me about my own sin. I never realized before how prideful I had been in comparing myself to others. Seeing my father taken away in handcuffs made me think about how guilty I have been of sinning.
I deserve eternal punishment for my sins of pride, anger, hatred, revenge, and unforgiveness. I thank God more than ever now for the gift of grace through Jesus' death on the cross. When we recognize our own sins, we become far more careful about committing more or looking at ourselves as superior to our enemies.
Sin does not change our standing with God if we're born-again Christians.
When a born-again Christian sins, his legal standing before God remains unchanged. Our salvation is not based on how well we behave, but is a gift from God. (Romans 6:23) In other words, even if we sin, we keep our adoption as one of God's children, and we get to spend eternity in heaven with him.
God disciplines us when we sin.
When we sin, God still loves us, but he may become displeased with us. As parents, we understand that we always love our children, but we may not be thrilled when they throw tantrums, break their curfews, or hit their siblings. We discipline them and teach them to improve.
We can count on God to discipline us when we sin, whether we commit evil acts or harbor sinful attitudes. Hebrews 12:10 (NIV) tells us, God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.
God disciplines all of his children.
Imagine a family where each of the children got punished for misbehaving, except for one. Think about how unruly and prideful that child might become.
We inevitably expect God to discipline our perpetrators for their sins against us, but how many of us ask God to bypass disciplining us when our attitudes toward our enemies get out of hand? We need to accept his discipline and learn from it so that we can become more like him each day.
Tomorrow, we will continue our discussion about sin with a look at people who are known as Vampire Christians. Are you one of them?
Today's Challenge
Do you have a different understanding of your sin now? Which one of your attitudes toward your enemy needs to be released to God? How do you feel now about God's discpline for you?
What is sin?
Previously, we defined righteousness as God's goodness, love, mercy, grace, patience, holiness, peacefulness, justice, jealousy, and wrath. Defining sin is simple, because it is the opposite of God's righteousness: sin is any failure to conform to God's character or law with any act or attitude.
Many times, we think of sin as those acts that people can see: lying, stealing, cheating, and so on. But God also prohibits attitudes such as jealousy, anger, and selfishness. Galatians 5:19-21 (NIV) describes both obvious and inner sins which can get us into trouble:
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, faction and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
It is easy to recognize sin in those who have hurt us.
I John 3:4 (NIV) tells us that Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. When someone abuses us or commits an act that leads to trauma, it is pretty easy to see it and label it as sin. Our justice system can prove a person's guilt, based on his actions and its interpretation of the law.
Ask any survivor of childhood sexual abuse if their perpetrator committed a sin when molesting them, and they will unequivocally answer with a resounding,Yes! Ask survivors of 911 whether or not the terrorists who destroyed the World Trade Center were sinning, and most will cry out, Undoubtedly!
It is not so easy to recognize sin in ourselves.
At the beginning of this series, I identified the roadblocks to forgiveness as anger, fear, lack of trust, low self-esteem, guilt, revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. Many of these characteristics are present in survivors of abuse and trauma.
I would like to assert that if these feelings are left unchecked, they can become a source of sin for survivors. For instance, we may feel a sense of anger toward our perpetrators. This is a natural response and drives us to seek help. However, if we allow ourselves to remain angry for the rest of time, I believe we have an issue with a sinful attitude.
For the past year, God has been using the case of my father molesting his grandchildren to teach me about my own sin. I never realized before how prideful I had been in comparing myself to others. Seeing my father taken away in handcuffs made me think about how guilty I have been of sinning.
I deserve eternal punishment for my sins of pride, anger, hatred, revenge, and unforgiveness. I thank God more than ever now for the gift of grace through Jesus' death on the cross. When we recognize our own sins, we become far more careful about committing more or looking at ourselves as superior to our enemies.
Sin does not change our standing with God if we're born-again Christians.
When a born-again Christian sins, his legal standing before God remains unchanged. Our salvation is not based on how well we behave, but is a gift from God. (Romans 6:23) In other words, even if we sin, we keep our adoption as one of God's children, and we get to spend eternity in heaven with him.
God disciplines us when we sin.
When we sin, God still loves us, but he may become displeased with us. As parents, we understand that we always love our children, but we may not be thrilled when they throw tantrums, break their curfews, or hit their siblings. We discipline them and teach them to improve.
We can count on God to discipline us when we sin, whether we commit evil acts or harbor sinful attitudes. Hebrews 12:10 (NIV) tells us, God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.
God disciplines all of his children.
Imagine a family where each of the children got punished for misbehaving, except for one. Think about how unruly and prideful that child might become.
We inevitably expect God to discipline our perpetrators for their sins against us, but how many of us ask God to bypass disciplining us when our attitudes toward our enemies get out of hand? We need to accept his discipline and learn from it so that we can become more like him each day.
Tomorrow, we will continue our discussion about sin with a look at people who are known as Vampire Christians. Are you one of them?
Today's Challenge
Do you have a different understanding of your sin now? Which one of your attitudes toward your enemy needs to be released to God? How do you feel now about God's discpline for you?
Monday, March 14, 2011
God Hates Sin
Today, we arrive at the tenth and final attribute of God as we continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Since God loves all that is good and right, it comes as no surprise that he hates everything that stands in opposition to his chacter.
God's opposition to evil is total and permanent.
The Bible reassures us that if we believe in Jesus, we will be rewarded with eternal life in heaven. But it also tells us that if we reject Jesus, we will experience God's wrath. John 3:36 (NIV) reads: Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him.
God's character does not allow him to turn a blind eye to evil. He must punish it, otherwise it would make a mockery of all that is good. If we understand this attribute of God, we can feel better as survivors of abuse, knowing that God opposes those who have hurt us. We are not alone in our suffering.
When we hate the injustice that has occurred in our lives, we are imitating God. He hates evil, injustice, and sin. Therefore, we no longer need to feel guilty about the rage we feel. It is natural if we are made in the likeness of God to become upset when someone sins against us.
Imagine what the world would be like if God didn't get all that upsest about child molesters hurting little children. Think about what life would look like if God either delighted in sin or was not troubled by it. I sure wouldn't want to worship that kind of God. He would be as warped as the child molesters and other criminals on our planet.
God is slow to act on his anger.
God delays the punishment that people deserve for the evil acts they commit, because he wants them to come to a point of repentance. Remember, we learned earlier that God is merciful, gracious, and patient. Psalm 103:8 (NIV) reads, The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. While God hates sin, he loves all people.
We must be patient with our enemies.
Like God, we know that it is part of our character to hate evil. But we must also remember that God still loves sinners, so we must do the same. Our enemies may not yet have come to a point of repenting for their actions. Therefore, it is up to us to remain patient while they work toward that point of change.
As at teacher, I frequently taught small children who couldn't seem to learn at the pace of the average kid. God has always blessed me with the ability to patiently work with people who are slow to pick up on new concepts.
I once had a student in kindergarten who could not grasp what we call 'sight words.' These simple words, such as and and the needed to be memorized in order to move on to more difficult reading tasks. Every other student had moved ahead to beginning readers, but this poor little boy couldn't get it.
One Monday morning, he came up to me as I was preparing to start our day. With confidence, he said, "Look what I can do." He opened a little book and read it perfectly from beginning to end.
I was flabbergasted and figured that someone at home must have been drilling him all weekend. I asked, "Who taught you how to read?"
Without hesitation, he smiled up at me and said, "You did."
That moment showed me that we never know how much of an impact we are having on someone. Even when our efforts seem to be fruitless, we never know what is going on in someone's heart or mind.
As I wait for my father to repent of his sins of molesting children and my mother to learn how to love as God does; I remember that little boy. I must be patient and kind to the people who have hurt me the most. Like my student, my parents may be the type of people who are slower to catch on to God's lessons for them.
I want to be there when someone asks the question of my parents, "Who taught you to love?" Hopefully, they'll give God the credit first and also mention that my kindness toward them helped along the way.
How do we find the patience to love slow learners?
I find it extremely difficult to love my parents. My mother, especially, is the type of person who pushes people away or turns on them when they try to express God's love to her. While my kindergarten student was eager to learn and please, my mother is more reluctant to do so.
I do not have the capacity to love either of my parents without God's help. Learning more about his character and how I am supposed to imitate him shows me what I must do. With ongoing prayer, I can tap into God's power to do the impossible. So can you.
Apply God's moral attributes to your own life so that you can forgive.
Over the past several weeks, we have looked at our own problems that have been caused by abuse or trauma: anger, fear, lack of trust, low self-esteem, guilt, revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. I call these the roadblocks to forgiveness, because as long as they remain in place, we cannot move forward.
Along the way, we have also learned what it means to become more like God. We have studied his goodness, love, mercy, grace, patience, holiness, peace, justice, jealousy, and wrath.
With a well-balanced view of God's character, we can better understand where we are out of balance. By understanding our own weaknesses and imitating God for strength, we can approach forgiveness with greater confidence. We now have the tools to remove the roadblocks so that we can continue on our journey toward forgiving.
Today's Challenge
In your journal, write about the anger or hatred you have felt against people who have hurt you with their evil actions. Ask God to give you the patience you need to pray for them while they work toward repenting for their sins. If it is safe to do so, think of ways to show your enemy God's love through acts of kindness.
God's opposition to evil is total and permanent.
The Bible reassures us that if we believe in Jesus, we will be rewarded with eternal life in heaven. But it also tells us that if we reject Jesus, we will experience God's wrath. John 3:36 (NIV) reads: Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him.
God's character does not allow him to turn a blind eye to evil. He must punish it, otherwise it would make a mockery of all that is good. If we understand this attribute of God, we can feel better as survivors of abuse, knowing that God opposes those who have hurt us. We are not alone in our suffering.
When we hate the injustice that has occurred in our lives, we are imitating God. He hates evil, injustice, and sin. Therefore, we no longer need to feel guilty about the rage we feel. It is natural if we are made in the likeness of God to become upset when someone sins against us.
Imagine what the world would be like if God didn't get all that upsest about child molesters hurting little children. Think about what life would look like if God either delighted in sin or was not troubled by it. I sure wouldn't want to worship that kind of God. He would be as warped as the child molesters and other criminals on our planet.
God is slow to act on his anger.
God delays the punishment that people deserve for the evil acts they commit, because he wants them to come to a point of repentance. Remember, we learned earlier that God is merciful, gracious, and patient. Psalm 103:8 (NIV) reads, The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. While God hates sin, he loves all people.
We must be patient with our enemies.
Like God, we know that it is part of our character to hate evil. But we must also remember that God still loves sinners, so we must do the same. Our enemies may not yet have come to a point of repenting for their actions. Therefore, it is up to us to remain patient while they work toward that point of change.
As at teacher, I frequently taught small children who couldn't seem to learn at the pace of the average kid. God has always blessed me with the ability to patiently work with people who are slow to pick up on new concepts.
I once had a student in kindergarten who could not grasp what we call 'sight words.' These simple words, such as and and the needed to be memorized in order to move on to more difficult reading tasks. Every other student had moved ahead to beginning readers, but this poor little boy couldn't get it.
One Monday morning, he came up to me as I was preparing to start our day. With confidence, he said, "Look what I can do." He opened a little book and read it perfectly from beginning to end.
I was flabbergasted and figured that someone at home must have been drilling him all weekend. I asked, "Who taught you how to read?"
Without hesitation, he smiled up at me and said, "You did."
That moment showed me that we never know how much of an impact we are having on someone. Even when our efforts seem to be fruitless, we never know what is going on in someone's heart or mind.
As I wait for my father to repent of his sins of molesting children and my mother to learn how to love as God does; I remember that little boy. I must be patient and kind to the people who have hurt me the most. Like my student, my parents may be the type of people who are slower to catch on to God's lessons for them.
I want to be there when someone asks the question of my parents, "Who taught you to love?" Hopefully, they'll give God the credit first and also mention that my kindness toward them helped along the way.
How do we find the patience to love slow learners?
I find it extremely difficult to love my parents. My mother, especially, is the type of person who pushes people away or turns on them when they try to express God's love to her. While my kindergarten student was eager to learn and please, my mother is more reluctant to do so.
I do not have the capacity to love either of my parents without God's help. Learning more about his character and how I am supposed to imitate him shows me what I must do. With ongoing prayer, I can tap into God's power to do the impossible. So can you.
Apply God's moral attributes to your own life so that you can forgive.
Over the past several weeks, we have looked at our own problems that have been caused by abuse or trauma: anger, fear, lack of trust, low self-esteem, guilt, revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. I call these the roadblocks to forgiveness, because as long as they remain in place, we cannot move forward.
Along the way, we have also learned what it means to become more like God. We have studied his goodness, love, mercy, grace, patience, holiness, peace, justice, jealousy, and wrath.
With a well-balanced view of God's character, we can better understand where we are out of balance. By understanding our own weaknesses and imitating God for strength, we can approach forgiveness with greater confidence. We now have the tools to remove the roadblocks so that we can continue on our journey toward forgiving.
Today's Challenge
In your journal, write about the anger or hatred you have felt against people who have hurt you with their evil actions. Ask God to give you the patience you need to pray for them while they work toward repenting for their sins. If it is safe to do so, think of ways to show your enemy God's love through acts of kindness.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
God is Holy
We continue with our study of God's character. So far, we have covered his attributes of goodness, love, mercy, grace, and patience. Today, we learn what it means to be holy, as God is.
This understanding of God's attributes is prerequisite to learning how to forgive. This is a continuation of my series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness.
What does it mean to be holy?
Webster defines holy as: 1) belonging to, derived from, or associated with a divine power; 2) worthy of worship; 3) living according to a strict or highly moral religious or spiritual system; and 4) set apart for a religious purpose. To be holy means that someone or something is separated from sin and seeks to bring glory to God.
Everything associated with God is holy.
Exodus 3:3 (NIV) describes how the Israelites were supposed to construct God's tabernacle, which included the Holy of Holies:
Hang the curtain from the clasps and place the ark of the Testimony behind the curtain. The curtain will separate the Holy Place from the Most Holy Place.
God's Most Holy Place was a 15 x 15 x 15 foot cubicle where the Ark of the Covenant contained the Ten Commandments. God himself had previously inscribed these laws in stone. This was one place in Israel that was to be kept most separated from sin and evil. It was fully devoted to God's service.
God himself is holy.
God's holiness means that he is completely separated from sin and devoted to seeking his own honor. God placed angels in his service who contantly call to one another:
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
The whole earth is full of his glory. (Isaiah 6:3 NIV)
God calls us to be holy.
God directed Moses to tell his people: "Be holy, because I, the Lord your God, am holy." (Exodus 19:2 NIV) This meant that the Israelites were supposed to keep themselves separate from anything evil or sinful and to devote themselves to glorifying God.
As New Testament believers, we are called to separate ourselves from the negative influence that comes from close association with unbelievers. As a survivor of abuse, this point came across clearly to me one day as I was struggling to understand why I could never seem to get along with my first husband or my parents. I read 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (NIV), and a light bulb went on for me:
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.
As God has said: "I will live with them and walk aong them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from them and be separate," says the Lord, "Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters."
These words brought such clarity and comfort to me that I was dumbstruck. Of course I couldn't get along with people who had abused me! They were not walking in the light of God's love, and I was trying to.
I imagined Jesus trying to walk hand in hand with Satan. The Lord would never do something so ridiculous, and yet I had been trying to do exactly that my entire life.
This Scripture passage set me free, because it gave me permission to separate myself from people whose lives were steeped in sin. I realized that people from within our own families may not be suitable companions for us.
And when we find ourselves emotionally without family, God steps in with the promise to be our Father. This passage alays brings me comfort, because no matter how my family members may treat me here on earth, God calls me his daughter.
Separated from sin and devoted to God
A few years ago, I spent some time in an Amish community. As I got to know the people, I began to understand why they felt so strongly about isolating themselves from the world. They reject alliances with businesses such as the energy company, a water supplier, and even bankers; because they view these groups as sinful. The Amish do not wish to be subject to the authority of businesses, but only to the authority of God.
While I think the Amish practice of such strict isolation is a bit extreme, it provides us with food for thought. What alliances have we forged which may not be pleasing to God or bringing him glory?
Sin is as contagious as influenza.
This week, Joe and I have been infected with influenza. We have been directed by our doctor to separate ourselves from others until we are free of fever for at least 24 hours. Our friends are wise to stay away from our home until we are well.
Sin is a lot like influenza. If we aren't careful, we can be 'infected' by the sinful influence of others around us. We may drift far from God without even realizing it if we are living with someone who does not live to glorify God.
If we are living with an abuser who does not glorify God or respect us, we are putting ourselves at great spiritual risk. Allowing ourselves to be abused does not honor God, who lives within us. If we are God's temple, we must separate ourselves from people who seek to harm us.
Today's Challenge
Look around yourself today and think about relationships that may be taking you far from God. What can you do to separate yourself from evil? How can you better devote yourself to glorifying God? Write down in your journal what you can do differently to live a life that is holy and pleasing to God.
This understanding of God's attributes is prerequisite to learning how to forgive. This is a continuation of my series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness.
What does it mean to be holy?
Webster defines holy as: 1) belonging to, derived from, or associated with a divine power; 2) worthy of worship; 3) living according to a strict or highly moral religious or spiritual system; and 4) set apart for a religious purpose. To be holy means that someone or something is separated from sin and seeks to bring glory to God.
Everything associated with God is holy.
Exodus 3:3 (NIV) describes how the Israelites were supposed to construct God's tabernacle, which included the Holy of Holies:
Hang the curtain from the clasps and place the ark of the Testimony behind the curtain. The curtain will separate the Holy Place from the Most Holy Place.
God's Most Holy Place was a 15 x 15 x 15 foot cubicle where the Ark of the Covenant contained the Ten Commandments. God himself had previously inscribed these laws in stone. This was one place in Israel that was to be kept most separated from sin and evil. It was fully devoted to God's service.
God himself is holy.
God's holiness means that he is completely separated from sin and devoted to seeking his own honor. God placed angels in his service who contantly call to one another:
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
The whole earth is full of his glory. (Isaiah 6:3 NIV)
God calls us to be holy.
God directed Moses to tell his people: "Be holy, because I, the Lord your God, am holy." (Exodus 19:2 NIV) This meant that the Israelites were supposed to keep themselves separate from anything evil or sinful and to devote themselves to glorifying God.
As New Testament believers, we are called to separate ourselves from the negative influence that comes from close association with unbelievers. As a survivor of abuse, this point came across clearly to me one day as I was struggling to understand why I could never seem to get along with my first husband or my parents. I read 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (NIV), and a light bulb went on for me:
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.
As God has said: "I will live with them and walk aong them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from them and be separate," says the Lord, "Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters."
These words brought such clarity and comfort to me that I was dumbstruck. Of course I couldn't get along with people who had abused me! They were not walking in the light of God's love, and I was trying to.
I imagined Jesus trying to walk hand in hand with Satan. The Lord would never do something so ridiculous, and yet I had been trying to do exactly that my entire life.
This Scripture passage set me free, because it gave me permission to separate myself from people whose lives were steeped in sin. I realized that people from within our own families may not be suitable companions for us.
And when we find ourselves emotionally without family, God steps in with the promise to be our Father. This passage alays brings me comfort, because no matter how my family members may treat me here on earth, God calls me his daughter.
Separated from sin and devoted to God
A few years ago, I spent some time in an Amish community. As I got to know the people, I began to understand why they felt so strongly about isolating themselves from the world. They reject alliances with businesses such as the energy company, a water supplier, and even bankers; because they view these groups as sinful. The Amish do not wish to be subject to the authority of businesses, but only to the authority of God.
While I think the Amish practice of such strict isolation is a bit extreme, it provides us with food for thought. What alliances have we forged which may not be pleasing to God or bringing him glory?
Sin is as contagious as influenza.
This week, Joe and I have been infected with influenza. We have been directed by our doctor to separate ourselves from others until we are free of fever for at least 24 hours. Our friends are wise to stay away from our home until we are well.
Sin is a lot like influenza. If we aren't careful, we can be 'infected' by the sinful influence of others around us. We may drift far from God without even realizing it if we are living with someone who does not live to glorify God.
If we are living with an abuser who does not glorify God or respect us, we are putting ourselves at great spiritual risk. Allowing ourselves to be abused does not honor God, who lives within us. If we are God's temple, we must separate ourselves from people who seek to harm us.
Today's Challenge
Look around yourself today and think about relationships that may be taking you far from God. What can you do to separate yourself from evil? How can you better devote yourself to glorifying God? Write down in your journal what you can do differently to live a life that is holy and pleasing to God.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner
Today, we are scheduled to learn about how hatred prevents us from forgiving as we continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Recent events in my life have really helped me to put into practice an important concept: we can hate the sin that someone carries out to hurt us, but we must still love the sinner.
Matthew 5:43-44 (NIV) reads, "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." This is a very difficult thing to do, and we may not be able to love our enemies as much as God does. But, we must try.
Our family had an opportunity to learn more about this concept yesterday, because we went to court for my father's sentencing in the case of his molesting my daughter. As a family, ten of us felt very united when we went into the courtroom. We had spent the day before together, talking about the upcoming court appearance and praying for God to use it for everyone's good.
Confrontation is never easy.
On the way to the courthouse, my stomach began churning. When we pulled into the parking lot, I felt as if I might vomit. My hands became clammy, and my knees began to shake. As we were walking in, my sister described these same feelings. I felt better, knowing that I was not alone with my fears. Confrontation of this magnitude is never easy, but we knew that the time had come for justice to do its work.
The Enemy wants us to give up.
My father and mother sat down alone on the opposite side of the courtroom. No one in the family spoke to my parents, and there was so much tension in the room, you could have cut it with a knife. Our daughter burst into tears, and we all rallied around her to pray for her strength. Within minutes, the spiritual turmoil abated.
God provides models for us.
As we waited, several other cases were heard. A young woman in an orange prisoner's uniform was brought in by the sheriff's deputy. Her head had been shaved. As she was charged with stealing someone's debit card, she hung her head and listened to the judge's explanation of her sentence. At the end of her hearing, she said that she was really sorry for what she had done. It had hurt her victim, she had lost her children, and she had made a mess of her life with some really bad decisions involving drugs. Through her example, we all saw what appeared to be genuine regret.
A second woman was brought in, also wearing the orange uniform, with purplish hair that streamed past her waist. She had been in trouble many times before. During the short time that she was held in jail, pills had been discovered hidden on her person. Her husband appeared, who also had a history of criminal conduct. She claimed to be innocent, and her husband signed an affadavit to promise repayment of her bond money. By this example, we had a pretty good idea that this woman was not yet capable of accepting responsibility for her actions or changing her behavior.
In spite of the differences in these women's attitudes regarding their crimes, I prayed for them both. I learned later that the rest of the family had been praying for them, too. While we waited, I wondered if my father would exhibit the contrition displayed by the woman with the shaven head or the defensiveness of the one with the long purplish hair.
How do we know if an apology is sincere?
It came time for my father to speak. He turned to all of us. He said he was sorry for what he had done to our daughter. Then he apologized to the family as a whole. He followed his apology with the statement, "I don't know what made me do it." Then he shrugged and gave us all an incredibly stupid look, as if he were clueless and completely free of all responsibility for his actions. In that instant, I knew that his apology meant little. Later, the entire family agreed that 'the shrug' negated every word that our father had spoken.
The enemy will lie to preserve himself.
As the hearing progressed, the defense attorney tried to make the family look guilty by reading a portion of a letter that one of us had written. He told the judge that neither my father nor my mother had spoken any of the statments contained in the letter, in spite of the fact that a court employee had overheard these words a month earlier. This tactic served to drive the family further from believing the sincerity of our father's apology.
Speaking the truth in love is difficult.
We all had the opportunity to tell the judge how my father's actions had hurt our family. Only my ex-husband and my son chose to speak. My ex spoke eloquently about the losses that our daughter experienced as a result of my father's molesting her. At times, tears interfered with his ability to continue. I could see that both the judge and the bailiff felt the pain that we had all endured over the years.
Our courageous son talked about the court's duty to uphold the tenets of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. As a former Marine, he pointed out that my father, a veteran of the Coast Guard, had failed to uphold the same promise our son had made to the military to carry out the laws of our constitution.
Our son also revealed to the court that I had gone to my parents prior to my divorce 13 years ago to tell them that I suspected my daughter had been molested. At that time, my father said absolutely nothing about what he had done and allowed my ex-husband to take the blame for my father's molestation of my daughter. The look on the judge's face as these facts were revealed foretold what was ahead for my father.
There are consequences for our actions.
The judge was wonderful, explaining in great detail how he weighed the evidence to determine the sentence. In my father's favor, the judge considered his age, his claims regarding his remorse, and his recent psychotherapy.
In our daughter's favor, the judge considered the breech of trust created by her grandfather's behavior, her age at the time of the crime, and the fact that my father bypassed opportunities in the past to admit his guilt. Allowing another man to take the blame for his actions caused the judge to reconsider the validity of my father's apology.
My father's sentence turned out to be: 3 years in prison, 5 years of probation afterward, and 25 years as a registered sex offender. In addtion, he was ordered to pay for 5 years of psychotherapy for our daughter. At the conclusion of the hearing, the prosecutor recommended filing a civil suit to acquire additional funding to cover up to 20 years of psychotherapy for our daughter.
We hate the sin, but our hearts break for the sinner.
When the judge ordered my father into the custody of the county jailer, Dad stood to allow the deputy to handcuff him. My niece burst into tears, and the deputy led my father away. I felt such a profound sense of loss, I could not even cry. I felt stunned, trying to understand how it was possible that this man, whom everyone believed to be a warm, loveable teddy bear, was capable of committing such heinous crimes without a hint of genuine remorse.
We hate the sin, and we pray for the ability to love the sinner.
Throughout the hearing, my mother sat alone on the opposite side of the courtroom. No one was willing to talk to her or comfort her. While my father molested children all of his life, my mother had verbally and emotionally abused most of us. We were more terrified of her reaction in court than anything else, and we had prayed for God's protection during the proceedings.
Over the past year, my mother has stuck up for my father, lied for him, villified us, and ignored our needs for understanding and comfort. In her typical fashion when confronted with a crisis, she stuck out her chin and sat ram-rod straight in the courtroom. When the sentence was pronounced, she wiped away a few tears, but otherwise remained stiff-necked. Not one person felt God calling them to go to her to offer comfort.
Oddly, when we left the courtroom, I glanced in the direction where my mother had been sitting. I didn't see her there and was relieved that I would not have to confront her. It was only later that I learned she had never moved from her seat until after we all left. I believe that God made her invisible to me in that moment to protect me.
I hate my father's sin, as well as my mother's. It is actually easier for me to pray for my father than it is for my mother. My father was always easy to love; my mother was not. I recognize this and pray that God will give me the ability to love my mother and merely hate her sins.
Justice brings limited relief.
We all went to lunch together after the hearing to talk about the day's events. Everyone agreed that my ex-husband and our son had tipped the scales in our daughter's favor when it came time for sentencing.
We felt that the judge had been fair and particularly kind, especially when he spoke directly to our daughter. He had reassured her that she bore no guilt for my father's crimes, and that reporting the incidents had taken great courage. He commended our family for the love and support that we all share for our daughter.
But in the end, justice brings only limited relief. We all came away with a burden of grief that felt so heavy, we could barely function. I felt as if we had attended a funeral. Joe said he felt as if he hadn't slept for days. Our daughter told us that she was incredibly sad, because she hated to see her grandpa going off to jail. She hated the sin, but she still loved the sinner.
Thank you for your prayers.
I would like to thank all of you for your prayers yesterday. In spite of the turmoil, I felt strangely peaceful through it all.
Today's Challenge
In your journal, write down the name of your enemy who has hurt you. Write down what action he took to cause you pain. Under his name, write sinner. Under his action, write the word sin. If you are feeling hatred for this person, begin today to understand that Jesus calls us to hate the sin, not the sinner.
Matthew 5:43-44 (NIV) reads, "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." This is a very difficult thing to do, and we may not be able to love our enemies as much as God does. But, we must try.
Our family had an opportunity to learn more about this concept yesterday, because we went to court for my father's sentencing in the case of his molesting my daughter. As a family, ten of us felt very united when we went into the courtroom. We had spent the day before together, talking about the upcoming court appearance and praying for God to use it for everyone's good.
Confrontation is never easy.
On the way to the courthouse, my stomach began churning. When we pulled into the parking lot, I felt as if I might vomit. My hands became clammy, and my knees began to shake. As we were walking in, my sister described these same feelings. I felt better, knowing that I was not alone with my fears. Confrontation of this magnitude is never easy, but we knew that the time had come for justice to do its work.
The Enemy wants us to give up.
My father and mother sat down alone on the opposite side of the courtroom. No one in the family spoke to my parents, and there was so much tension in the room, you could have cut it with a knife. Our daughter burst into tears, and we all rallied around her to pray for her strength. Within minutes, the spiritual turmoil abated.
God provides models for us.
As we waited, several other cases were heard. A young woman in an orange prisoner's uniform was brought in by the sheriff's deputy. Her head had been shaved. As she was charged with stealing someone's debit card, she hung her head and listened to the judge's explanation of her sentence. At the end of her hearing, she said that she was really sorry for what she had done. It had hurt her victim, she had lost her children, and she had made a mess of her life with some really bad decisions involving drugs. Through her example, we all saw what appeared to be genuine regret.
A second woman was brought in, also wearing the orange uniform, with purplish hair that streamed past her waist. She had been in trouble many times before. During the short time that she was held in jail, pills had been discovered hidden on her person. Her husband appeared, who also had a history of criminal conduct. She claimed to be innocent, and her husband signed an affadavit to promise repayment of her bond money. By this example, we had a pretty good idea that this woman was not yet capable of accepting responsibility for her actions or changing her behavior.
In spite of the differences in these women's attitudes regarding their crimes, I prayed for them both. I learned later that the rest of the family had been praying for them, too. While we waited, I wondered if my father would exhibit the contrition displayed by the woman with the shaven head or the defensiveness of the one with the long purplish hair.
How do we know if an apology is sincere?
It came time for my father to speak. He turned to all of us. He said he was sorry for what he had done to our daughter. Then he apologized to the family as a whole. He followed his apology with the statement, "I don't know what made me do it." Then he shrugged and gave us all an incredibly stupid look, as if he were clueless and completely free of all responsibility for his actions. In that instant, I knew that his apology meant little. Later, the entire family agreed that 'the shrug' negated every word that our father had spoken.
The enemy will lie to preserve himself.
As the hearing progressed, the defense attorney tried to make the family look guilty by reading a portion of a letter that one of us had written. He told the judge that neither my father nor my mother had spoken any of the statments contained in the letter, in spite of the fact that a court employee had overheard these words a month earlier. This tactic served to drive the family further from believing the sincerity of our father's apology.
Speaking the truth in love is difficult.
We all had the opportunity to tell the judge how my father's actions had hurt our family. Only my ex-husband and my son chose to speak. My ex spoke eloquently about the losses that our daughter experienced as a result of my father's molesting her. At times, tears interfered with his ability to continue. I could see that both the judge and the bailiff felt the pain that we had all endured over the years.
Our courageous son talked about the court's duty to uphold the tenets of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. As a former Marine, he pointed out that my father, a veteran of the Coast Guard, had failed to uphold the same promise our son had made to the military to carry out the laws of our constitution.
Our son also revealed to the court that I had gone to my parents prior to my divorce 13 years ago to tell them that I suspected my daughter had been molested. At that time, my father said absolutely nothing about what he had done and allowed my ex-husband to take the blame for my father's molestation of my daughter. The look on the judge's face as these facts were revealed foretold what was ahead for my father.
There are consequences for our actions.
The judge was wonderful, explaining in great detail how he weighed the evidence to determine the sentence. In my father's favor, the judge considered his age, his claims regarding his remorse, and his recent psychotherapy.
In our daughter's favor, the judge considered the breech of trust created by her grandfather's behavior, her age at the time of the crime, and the fact that my father bypassed opportunities in the past to admit his guilt. Allowing another man to take the blame for his actions caused the judge to reconsider the validity of my father's apology.
My father's sentence turned out to be: 3 years in prison, 5 years of probation afterward, and 25 years as a registered sex offender. In addtion, he was ordered to pay for 5 years of psychotherapy for our daughter. At the conclusion of the hearing, the prosecutor recommended filing a civil suit to acquire additional funding to cover up to 20 years of psychotherapy for our daughter.
We hate the sin, but our hearts break for the sinner.
When the judge ordered my father into the custody of the county jailer, Dad stood to allow the deputy to handcuff him. My niece burst into tears, and the deputy led my father away. I felt such a profound sense of loss, I could not even cry. I felt stunned, trying to understand how it was possible that this man, whom everyone believed to be a warm, loveable teddy bear, was capable of committing such heinous crimes without a hint of genuine remorse.
We hate the sin, and we pray for the ability to love the sinner.
Throughout the hearing, my mother sat alone on the opposite side of the courtroom. No one was willing to talk to her or comfort her. While my father molested children all of his life, my mother had verbally and emotionally abused most of us. We were more terrified of her reaction in court than anything else, and we had prayed for God's protection during the proceedings.
Over the past year, my mother has stuck up for my father, lied for him, villified us, and ignored our needs for understanding and comfort. In her typical fashion when confronted with a crisis, she stuck out her chin and sat ram-rod straight in the courtroom. When the sentence was pronounced, she wiped away a few tears, but otherwise remained stiff-necked. Not one person felt God calling them to go to her to offer comfort.
Oddly, when we left the courtroom, I glanced in the direction where my mother had been sitting. I didn't see her there and was relieved that I would not have to confront her. It was only later that I learned she had never moved from her seat until after we all left. I believe that God made her invisible to me in that moment to protect me.
I hate my father's sin, as well as my mother's. It is actually easier for me to pray for my father than it is for my mother. My father was always easy to love; my mother was not. I recognize this and pray that God will give me the ability to love my mother and merely hate her sins.
Justice brings limited relief.
We all went to lunch together after the hearing to talk about the day's events. Everyone agreed that my ex-husband and our son had tipped the scales in our daughter's favor when it came time for sentencing.
We felt that the judge had been fair and particularly kind, especially when he spoke directly to our daughter. He had reassured her that she bore no guilt for my father's crimes, and that reporting the incidents had taken great courage. He commended our family for the love and support that we all share for our daughter.
But in the end, justice brings only limited relief. We all came away with a burden of grief that felt so heavy, we could barely function. I felt as if we had attended a funeral. Joe said he felt as if he hadn't slept for days. Our daughter told us that she was incredibly sad, because she hated to see her grandpa going off to jail. She hated the sin, but she still loved the sinner.
Thank you for your prayers.
I would like to thank all of you for your prayers yesterday. In spite of the turmoil, I felt strangely peaceful through it all.
Today's Challenge
In your journal, write down the name of your enemy who has hurt you. Write down what action he took to cause you pain. Under his name, write sinner. Under his action, write the word sin. If you are feeling hatred for this person, begin today to understand that Jesus calls us to hate the sin, not the sinner.
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