We continue with my series, Confident in God's Hands, to help survivors of abuse and trauma develop greater courage. Today, we look at what it means to take a leap of faith.
A splat or a flight?
After my divorce, I met with a Stephen Minister each week. She listened patiently as I told her about how it felt to be a single mother, struggling to discover my purpose.
When we are being abused, someone else is always telling us what to do. After we've left the abuse behind, we may discover that we don't know anymore who we are. Our individuality has been beaten or berated out of us, and the only thing we know is confusion.
After leaving my first husband, I can remember making the decision to buy myself a nightgown of my own choosing for the first time in nearly 20 years. I went to a department store and combed through the racks. I was determined that I would never buy anything that reminded me of the sleezy night-time attire that my abuser had demanded I wear.
But after an hour of searching, I stood in the midst of thousands of nightgowns and burst into tears. There was nothing there that suited me, and I knew it wasn't because there was a lack of variety. My inability to choose came from the realization that I didn't know who I was or what I liked anymore. The abuse had depersonalized me to such an extent, I had no evidence of my former self remaining.
As I told my Stephen Minister my tale of woe, I said, "I feel as if I jumped off a cliff when I left the abuse behind, and I'm about to splat on the rocks below."
With great wisdom and enthusiasm for God's ability to turn around the most hopeless situation, she asked, "How about imagining that you just jumped off that cliff, and God has given you wings to fly?"
At the time, I was so depressed, I had no response for her. So many terrible things had happened to me that I had just about given up believing that God was real. I hadn't been to church in months. I could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning, and I wasn't sure I could ever find my way out of the mess I had created. But this woman got me thinking. Could God really help me fly again?
I decided in the following days that the only way to discover if I had wings was to test them. So, I bought a newspaper, looked through the classified ads, and circled several jobs that I thought I could do. Within an hour, I had an interview scheduled. The next day, I had a job as a file clerk, working for a temp agency.
After just a few weeks on the job, a man recognized my potential and arranged for an interview with the advertising department. The following Monday morning, I went back to work, not as a file clerk, but as a writer. And the rest, they say, is history.
I often reflect back on that time in my life when I felt as if my leap of faith was about to end in a nasty splat. But I discovered that even when we have no idea where we're going to land, if we dare to spread our wings and fly, God puts the wind beneath our wings.
Isaiah 40:31 (NIV) reminds us, But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. When we trust in God to show us the way and to provide for us along that path, we find that we are able to do the impossible.
And when we dare to fly again, God's provision for all of our needs gives us the confidence to take another flight, and another, and another. Suddenly, we find ourselves soaring through life, wondering why we ever doubted ourselves.
Today's Challenge
Are you terrified of taking that leap of faith and testing your wings? Are past hurts keeping you grounded? Nudge yourself out of the comfort of your familiar nest, and try out your wings again. God promises to provide the wind beneath your wings.
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Monday, August 8, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
God Hates Sin
Today, we arrive at the tenth and final attribute of God as we continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Since God loves all that is good and right, it comes as no surprise that he hates everything that stands in opposition to his chacter.
God's opposition to evil is total and permanent.
The Bible reassures us that if we believe in Jesus, we will be rewarded with eternal life in heaven. But it also tells us that if we reject Jesus, we will experience God's wrath. John 3:36 (NIV) reads: Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him.
God's character does not allow him to turn a blind eye to evil. He must punish it, otherwise it would make a mockery of all that is good. If we understand this attribute of God, we can feel better as survivors of abuse, knowing that God opposes those who have hurt us. We are not alone in our suffering.
When we hate the injustice that has occurred in our lives, we are imitating God. He hates evil, injustice, and sin. Therefore, we no longer need to feel guilty about the rage we feel. It is natural if we are made in the likeness of God to become upset when someone sins against us.
Imagine what the world would be like if God didn't get all that upsest about child molesters hurting little children. Think about what life would look like if God either delighted in sin or was not troubled by it. I sure wouldn't want to worship that kind of God. He would be as warped as the child molesters and other criminals on our planet.
God is slow to act on his anger.
God delays the punishment that people deserve for the evil acts they commit, because he wants them to come to a point of repentance. Remember, we learned earlier that God is merciful, gracious, and patient. Psalm 103:8 (NIV) reads, The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. While God hates sin, he loves all people.
We must be patient with our enemies.
Like God, we know that it is part of our character to hate evil. But we must also remember that God still loves sinners, so we must do the same. Our enemies may not yet have come to a point of repenting for their actions. Therefore, it is up to us to remain patient while they work toward that point of change.
As at teacher, I frequently taught small children who couldn't seem to learn at the pace of the average kid. God has always blessed me with the ability to patiently work with people who are slow to pick up on new concepts.
I once had a student in kindergarten who could not grasp what we call 'sight words.' These simple words, such as and and the needed to be memorized in order to move on to more difficult reading tasks. Every other student had moved ahead to beginning readers, but this poor little boy couldn't get it.
One Monday morning, he came up to me as I was preparing to start our day. With confidence, he said, "Look what I can do." He opened a little book and read it perfectly from beginning to end.
I was flabbergasted and figured that someone at home must have been drilling him all weekend. I asked, "Who taught you how to read?"
Without hesitation, he smiled up at me and said, "You did."
That moment showed me that we never know how much of an impact we are having on someone. Even when our efforts seem to be fruitless, we never know what is going on in someone's heart or mind.
As I wait for my father to repent of his sins of molesting children and my mother to learn how to love as God does; I remember that little boy. I must be patient and kind to the people who have hurt me the most. Like my student, my parents may be the type of people who are slower to catch on to God's lessons for them.
I want to be there when someone asks the question of my parents, "Who taught you to love?" Hopefully, they'll give God the credit first and also mention that my kindness toward them helped along the way.
How do we find the patience to love slow learners?
I find it extremely difficult to love my parents. My mother, especially, is the type of person who pushes people away or turns on them when they try to express God's love to her. While my kindergarten student was eager to learn and please, my mother is more reluctant to do so.
I do not have the capacity to love either of my parents without God's help. Learning more about his character and how I am supposed to imitate him shows me what I must do. With ongoing prayer, I can tap into God's power to do the impossible. So can you.
Apply God's moral attributes to your own life so that you can forgive.
Over the past several weeks, we have looked at our own problems that have been caused by abuse or trauma: anger, fear, lack of trust, low self-esteem, guilt, revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. I call these the roadblocks to forgiveness, because as long as they remain in place, we cannot move forward.
Along the way, we have also learned what it means to become more like God. We have studied his goodness, love, mercy, grace, patience, holiness, peace, justice, jealousy, and wrath.
With a well-balanced view of God's character, we can better understand where we are out of balance. By understanding our own weaknesses and imitating God for strength, we can approach forgiveness with greater confidence. We now have the tools to remove the roadblocks so that we can continue on our journey toward forgiving.
Today's Challenge
In your journal, write about the anger or hatred you have felt against people who have hurt you with their evil actions. Ask God to give you the patience you need to pray for them while they work toward repenting for their sins. If it is safe to do so, think of ways to show your enemy God's love through acts of kindness.
God's opposition to evil is total and permanent.
The Bible reassures us that if we believe in Jesus, we will be rewarded with eternal life in heaven. But it also tells us that if we reject Jesus, we will experience God's wrath. John 3:36 (NIV) reads: Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him.
God's character does not allow him to turn a blind eye to evil. He must punish it, otherwise it would make a mockery of all that is good. If we understand this attribute of God, we can feel better as survivors of abuse, knowing that God opposes those who have hurt us. We are not alone in our suffering.
When we hate the injustice that has occurred in our lives, we are imitating God. He hates evil, injustice, and sin. Therefore, we no longer need to feel guilty about the rage we feel. It is natural if we are made in the likeness of God to become upset when someone sins against us.
Imagine what the world would be like if God didn't get all that upsest about child molesters hurting little children. Think about what life would look like if God either delighted in sin or was not troubled by it. I sure wouldn't want to worship that kind of God. He would be as warped as the child molesters and other criminals on our planet.
God is slow to act on his anger.
God delays the punishment that people deserve for the evil acts they commit, because he wants them to come to a point of repentance. Remember, we learned earlier that God is merciful, gracious, and patient. Psalm 103:8 (NIV) reads, The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. While God hates sin, he loves all people.
We must be patient with our enemies.
Like God, we know that it is part of our character to hate evil. But we must also remember that God still loves sinners, so we must do the same. Our enemies may not yet have come to a point of repenting for their actions. Therefore, it is up to us to remain patient while they work toward that point of change.
As at teacher, I frequently taught small children who couldn't seem to learn at the pace of the average kid. God has always blessed me with the ability to patiently work with people who are slow to pick up on new concepts.
I once had a student in kindergarten who could not grasp what we call 'sight words.' These simple words, such as and and the needed to be memorized in order to move on to more difficult reading tasks. Every other student had moved ahead to beginning readers, but this poor little boy couldn't get it.
One Monday morning, he came up to me as I was preparing to start our day. With confidence, he said, "Look what I can do." He opened a little book and read it perfectly from beginning to end.
I was flabbergasted and figured that someone at home must have been drilling him all weekend. I asked, "Who taught you how to read?"
Without hesitation, he smiled up at me and said, "You did."
That moment showed me that we never know how much of an impact we are having on someone. Even when our efforts seem to be fruitless, we never know what is going on in someone's heart or mind.
As I wait for my father to repent of his sins of molesting children and my mother to learn how to love as God does; I remember that little boy. I must be patient and kind to the people who have hurt me the most. Like my student, my parents may be the type of people who are slower to catch on to God's lessons for them.
I want to be there when someone asks the question of my parents, "Who taught you to love?" Hopefully, they'll give God the credit first and also mention that my kindness toward them helped along the way.
How do we find the patience to love slow learners?
I find it extremely difficult to love my parents. My mother, especially, is the type of person who pushes people away or turns on them when they try to express God's love to her. While my kindergarten student was eager to learn and please, my mother is more reluctant to do so.
I do not have the capacity to love either of my parents without God's help. Learning more about his character and how I am supposed to imitate him shows me what I must do. With ongoing prayer, I can tap into God's power to do the impossible. So can you.
Apply God's moral attributes to your own life so that you can forgive.
Over the past several weeks, we have looked at our own problems that have been caused by abuse or trauma: anger, fear, lack of trust, low self-esteem, guilt, revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. I call these the roadblocks to forgiveness, because as long as they remain in place, we cannot move forward.
Along the way, we have also learned what it means to become more like God. We have studied his goodness, love, mercy, grace, patience, holiness, peace, justice, jealousy, and wrath.
With a well-balanced view of God's character, we can better understand where we are out of balance. By understanding our own weaknesses and imitating God for strength, we can approach forgiveness with greater confidence. We now have the tools to remove the roadblocks so that we can continue on our journey toward forgiving.
Today's Challenge
In your journal, write about the anger or hatred you have felt against people who have hurt you with their evil actions. Ask God to give you the patience you need to pray for them while they work toward repenting for their sins. If it is safe to do so, think of ways to show your enemy God's love through acts of kindness.
Friday, March 4, 2011
God is Full of Grace
We are discussing God's character this week in an attempt to better understand why we must become like him in order to forgive others. Yesterday, we learned about mercy, which is God's goodness expressed toward people in misery or distress. Today, we will look at grace, which is God's expression of goodness toward those who deserve only punishment.
What is grace?
Webster's Dictionary defines grace as: 1) unmerited divine assistance given man for his regeneration or sanctification; 2) a virtue coming from God; and 3) a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace.
This means that God grants unearned favors to people so that they can avoid punishment. God can give us daily grace for the sins we commit, and he can give us eternal grace in place of the punishment that we deserve.
God chooses the recipients of his grace.
God freely gives his unmerited favor to those whom he chooses. He said in Exodus 33:19 (NIV): "I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion."
We cannot work to earn grace.
The apostle Paul emphasized that grace is the opposite of human effort. God chooses some people to be recipients of his grace, while others miss out on it: At the present time there is a remnant chosen by grace. And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace. (Romans 11:5-6 NIV) In other words, we cannot earn grace through any human effort; God gets to decide who receives his free gift of grace.
Some churches teach incorrectly that we are justified by grace plus some merit of our own. Examples of this merit include confessions, hardships, penalties, or compensation that believers must pay in order to be pardoned by a priest. The Bible tells us clearly that we cannot win God's grace through any efforts such as these.
The beginning of God's grace is faith in Christ.
The Bible clearly teaches that faith in Christ is a requirement for all people who want God's grace. Paul's letter to the Roman church states, This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:22-23 NIV)
Paul's message is clear: everyone needs God's grace, because everyone sins. And the only way to get grace is to have faith in Jesus Christ.
What is faith?
Faith means that we quit relying on ourselves and trust in our heavenly Father to provide for us. It means that we quit demanding guarantees in life and start taking action, even when we aren't sure of the outcome.
For survivors of abuse who are perfectionists, faith becomes a huge challenge. Our earthly parents were not the type of people anyone would trust. If our human fathers molested us, why would we ever put our trust in a God who is called Father?
I understand this fear, because I have struggled with it for most of my life. But we cannot allow our experiences with our earthly fathers to destroy the beautiful relationship that God has in store for us. To do so allows our earthly fathers to maintain power over us.
Sadly, some women who were sexually abused make the decision that they will never trust any man, including God. Some victims choose other women as sexual partners after being victimized by men. I understand the hurt that leads to this type of behavior, but avoiding all men is not the answer, nor is homosexuality. The Bible clearly states in I Corinthians 6:9-10 (NIV):
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Trusting in God to grant us grace must come before we can forgive.
Clearly, the inability to trust in God stands as a roadblock to forgiving others. Unless we first understand and experience God's grace for ourselves, we cannot fathom how he could possibly give that gift to people who molest children or commit crimes against us.
The continuing of God's grace is through obedience to God's commands.
For most of my life, the concept of grace has stood as a roadblock to forgiveness for me. It wasn't until I met Joe that I began to understand why.
I was raised in a church which taught that grace was free to anyone if they merely believed in Christ. I knew that my father was a child molester, and my mother was an alcoholic abuser. And yet, they claimed weekly to have earned God's unmerited favor through their confession of sins at church. This just did not make sense to me.
When I married Joe, we attended a church that taught the full meaning of grace. It begins with faith, but it continues with obedience to God's commands. A light dawned for me! My parents had only figured out the first step as potential recipients of God's grace. They had never caught on to the fact that their continued disobedience to God's laws could cause them to miss out on his grace.
If we truly have faith in Christ--trust in God and not in ourselves--it produces obedience to God's commands. The Bible clearly tells us, Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. (James 2:17 NIV)
My siblings and I finally understand why our parents do not enjoy God's grace: Mom and Dad profess belief in Christ, but they are not living in obedience to God's laws. As James pointed out above, this type of faith is dead.
How do we learn to trust again so that we can receive God's grace?
We may ask how it is possible for us to ever trust someone again after being victimized by an abuser. The answer lies in the fact that God graciously gives us the Holy Spirit to empower us. Paul wrote, But by the grace of God I am what I am.(2 Cor 3:6 NIV)
For me, learning to trust again began with leaving my abusive first husband and distancing myself from my parents. It's impossible to trust anyone when every day begins with a fight for survival.
The ability to trust grew when I made the decision to dig deeper into God's Word. I began attending a church that offered Bible studies, and I spent time reading the Bible each day at home. The children and I prayed together more.
Over time, I began to trust others at church--believers in Christ who proved to be loving and supportive. As I made friends with safe people, I eventually met a couple who knew Joe. I had vowed that I would never trust another man, but Joe was different. I had never met a man with such a strong sense of commitment to protecting others from harm. For the first time in my life, I felt safe within a relationship.
When we meet someone like Joe, we get a glimpse of God's character. As we spend time with Godly people, we begin to understand God's grace. When we make mistakes and apologize, Christian friends are quick to forgive. And their love doesn't depend on our pleasing them, as it did with the abusers from our past. We learn through our relationships with other mature believers that God can be trusted and that his grace is freely offered to anyone who professes belief in Christ and obeys God's laws with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Today's Challenge
If you cannot trust in God, begin praying today that he will help you to believe in Jesus and to surrender control of your life to him. He will empower you through the Holy Spirit to have faith. Other believers can help you in your quest to experience all of God's attributes, including grace. Find a church that teaches only the Bible, and God's goodness will lead you onward.
What is grace?
Webster's Dictionary defines grace as: 1) unmerited divine assistance given man for his regeneration or sanctification; 2) a virtue coming from God; and 3) a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace.
This means that God grants unearned favors to people so that they can avoid punishment. God can give us daily grace for the sins we commit, and he can give us eternal grace in place of the punishment that we deserve.
God chooses the recipients of his grace.
God freely gives his unmerited favor to those whom he chooses. He said in Exodus 33:19 (NIV): "I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion."
We cannot work to earn grace.
The apostle Paul emphasized that grace is the opposite of human effort. God chooses some people to be recipients of his grace, while others miss out on it: At the present time there is a remnant chosen by grace. And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace. (Romans 11:5-6 NIV) In other words, we cannot earn grace through any human effort; God gets to decide who receives his free gift of grace.
Some churches teach incorrectly that we are justified by grace plus some merit of our own. Examples of this merit include confessions, hardships, penalties, or compensation that believers must pay in order to be pardoned by a priest. The Bible tells us clearly that we cannot win God's grace through any efforts such as these.
The beginning of God's grace is faith in Christ.
The Bible clearly teaches that faith in Christ is a requirement for all people who want God's grace. Paul's letter to the Roman church states, This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:22-23 NIV)
Paul's message is clear: everyone needs God's grace, because everyone sins. And the only way to get grace is to have faith in Jesus Christ.
What is faith?
Faith means that we quit relying on ourselves and trust in our heavenly Father to provide for us. It means that we quit demanding guarantees in life and start taking action, even when we aren't sure of the outcome.
For survivors of abuse who are perfectionists, faith becomes a huge challenge. Our earthly parents were not the type of people anyone would trust. If our human fathers molested us, why would we ever put our trust in a God who is called Father?
I understand this fear, because I have struggled with it for most of my life. But we cannot allow our experiences with our earthly fathers to destroy the beautiful relationship that God has in store for us. To do so allows our earthly fathers to maintain power over us.
Sadly, some women who were sexually abused make the decision that they will never trust any man, including God. Some victims choose other women as sexual partners after being victimized by men. I understand the hurt that leads to this type of behavior, but avoiding all men is not the answer, nor is homosexuality. The Bible clearly states in I Corinthians 6:9-10 (NIV):
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Trusting in God to grant us grace must come before we can forgive.
Clearly, the inability to trust in God stands as a roadblock to forgiving others. Unless we first understand and experience God's grace for ourselves, we cannot fathom how he could possibly give that gift to people who molest children or commit crimes against us.
The continuing of God's grace is through obedience to God's commands.
For most of my life, the concept of grace has stood as a roadblock to forgiveness for me. It wasn't until I met Joe that I began to understand why.
I was raised in a church which taught that grace was free to anyone if they merely believed in Christ. I knew that my father was a child molester, and my mother was an alcoholic abuser. And yet, they claimed weekly to have earned God's unmerited favor through their confession of sins at church. This just did not make sense to me.
When I married Joe, we attended a church that taught the full meaning of grace. It begins with faith, but it continues with obedience to God's commands. A light dawned for me! My parents had only figured out the first step as potential recipients of God's grace. They had never caught on to the fact that their continued disobedience to God's laws could cause them to miss out on his grace.
If we truly have faith in Christ--trust in God and not in ourselves--it produces obedience to God's commands. The Bible clearly tells us, Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. (James 2:17 NIV)
My siblings and I finally understand why our parents do not enjoy God's grace: Mom and Dad profess belief in Christ, but they are not living in obedience to God's laws. As James pointed out above, this type of faith is dead.
How do we learn to trust again so that we can receive God's grace?
We may ask how it is possible for us to ever trust someone again after being victimized by an abuser. The answer lies in the fact that God graciously gives us the Holy Spirit to empower us. Paul wrote, But by the grace of God I am what I am.(2 Cor 3:6 NIV)
For me, learning to trust again began with leaving my abusive first husband and distancing myself from my parents. It's impossible to trust anyone when every day begins with a fight for survival.
The ability to trust grew when I made the decision to dig deeper into God's Word. I began attending a church that offered Bible studies, and I spent time reading the Bible each day at home. The children and I prayed together more.
Over time, I began to trust others at church--believers in Christ who proved to be loving and supportive. As I made friends with safe people, I eventually met a couple who knew Joe. I had vowed that I would never trust another man, but Joe was different. I had never met a man with such a strong sense of commitment to protecting others from harm. For the first time in my life, I felt safe within a relationship.
When we meet someone like Joe, we get a glimpse of God's character. As we spend time with Godly people, we begin to understand God's grace. When we make mistakes and apologize, Christian friends are quick to forgive. And their love doesn't depend on our pleasing them, as it did with the abusers from our past. We learn through our relationships with other mature believers that God can be trusted and that his grace is freely offered to anyone who professes belief in Christ and obeys God's laws with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Today's Challenge
If you cannot trust in God, begin praying today that he will help you to believe in Jesus and to surrender control of your life to him. He will empower you through the Holy Spirit to have faith. Other believers can help you in your quest to experience all of God's attributes, including grace. Find a church that teaches only the Bible, and God's goodness will lead you onward.
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