This week, we are learning about how we can do good to those around us. This is a continuation of my series, Thriving in God's Garden, which is based on Galatians 5:22.
Life coaches recommend making plans.
Most of us are searching for ways to find happiness, success, and love. Life coaches often advise that we set goals and then make plans to help us reach our goals. In doing so, we fast-forward ourselves to achieving our dreams.
Proverbs 14:22 (NIV) supports this theory, but it also includes a warning. It reads, Do not those who plot evil go astray? But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness.
Our plans must be good ones.
Making plans can propel us toward our dreams, but if we plan to do evil, we cannot expect blessings. Osama bin Laden plotted evil to kill innocent people through terrorism. As a result, he was hunted down and killed. Many people associated with him, including his family members, are suffering as a result of his evil goals.
While we are working toward our goals, we must find ways to give goodness to others. In my case, if I set a goal to sell a million copies of my latest novel, I must make sure that it benefits others in some way. I'm hoping that survivors of abuse and trauma will find Among the Ashes entertaining, as well as insightful. However, I have also decided to donate a percentage of all my book profits to organizations that help abused women and children.
I cannot step on others' toes or take advantage of people just to sell more books. At every turn, I must think of giving away good as much as I look forward to receiving blessings from my plans.
Today's Challenge
What goals have you set for yourself? Do your plans bring you closer to God? Do they benefit others? Will your goals help you to find love and faithfulness? If not, look for ways to revise your plans so that they will bring about good for everyone involved.
Among the Ashes is coming soon!
Cheryl Denton's mystery thriller about a young woman suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder is in production and will be ready for distribution this summer. It will be available in paperback, as well as e-book versions.
Showing posts with label evil. Show all posts
Showing posts with label evil. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
From Evil to Good
This week, we will be learning about goodness, which is one of the fruits of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. It reads, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. We are currently in the sixth week of my nine-week series, Thriving in God's Garden.
We were the victims of evil.
When others mistreated us and used our bodies for their own perverse pleasures, we found ourselves the victims of evil. Many times, we were told that childhood sexual abuse or marital sexual abuse was love, but it was not true. Mankind often labels evil as good, which causes tremendous confusion within our minds and spirits.
Love is good. Evil never is. The prophet Isaiah warned God's people against this practice of calling evil good. He wrote, Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. (Isaiah 5:20 NIV)
Mankind calls many evil things good.
We are surrounded today by evil things that our culture labels as good. Women's rights activists claim that abortion is good, because it gives a woman better choices. From an ethical perspective, this argument takes the outcome (freedom from the burden of raising a child) to justify the means (murder of an unborn child).
There are many other examples of people using the ends to justify the means. Whenever we look at these situations, there is always controversy.
Dr. Kivorkian wanted to free people from pain, so he helped them to commit suicide. When plantation owners wanted to capitalize on their crops here in the US 200 years ago, they captured men and women from Africa and enslaved them. Wars have been started over this issue of calling evil good. In all such unethical situations, someone called evil good, and mankind bought the lie.
God uses evil to save people.
The Bible tells the story of one of God's greatest heroes. Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers while he was still a young boy. When he arrived in Egypt, he found himself serving the Pharaoh. Just when things were looking up, the queen accused Joseph of assaulting her. He got thrown into prison, but because he had a gift of interpreting dreams, he was able to make his way back into the Pharaoh's good graces.
A famine struck the entire Middle East, and Joseph discovered his own brothers one day at his feet, begging for food. He held such power over them, they were terrified. They expected him to have them thrown into prison forever, but instead, he forgave them.
He said to his brothers, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Gen 50:19-20 NIV)
Sometimes, we find ourselves at the mercy of evil people, just as Joseph did. We may go for years on end without relief. But then we get a break, and we suddenly see why God allowed our suffering. That's when we realize that mankind may set out to do evil to us, but God will use it for our good.
Today's Challenge
What evil things have you been experiencing? If you're in the midst of a lot of conflict, keep looking up. God will turn things around in your favor eventually, and you'll understand how he intended the evil for your good.
We were the victims of evil.
When others mistreated us and used our bodies for their own perverse pleasures, we found ourselves the victims of evil. Many times, we were told that childhood sexual abuse or marital sexual abuse was love, but it was not true. Mankind often labels evil as good, which causes tremendous confusion within our minds and spirits.
Love is good. Evil never is. The prophet Isaiah warned God's people against this practice of calling evil good. He wrote, Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. (Isaiah 5:20 NIV)
Mankind calls many evil things good.
We are surrounded today by evil things that our culture labels as good. Women's rights activists claim that abortion is good, because it gives a woman better choices. From an ethical perspective, this argument takes the outcome (freedom from the burden of raising a child) to justify the means (murder of an unborn child).
There are many other examples of people using the ends to justify the means. Whenever we look at these situations, there is always controversy.
Dr. Kivorkian wanted to free people from pain, so he helped them to commit suicide. When plantation owners wanted to capitalize on their crops here in the US 200 years ago, they captured men and women from Africa and enslaved them. Wars have been started over this issue of calling evil good. In all such unethical situations, someone called evil good, and mankind bought the lie.
God uses evil to save people.
The Bible tells the story of one of God's greatest heroes. Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers while he was still a young boy. When he arrived in Egypt, he found himself serving the Pharaoh. Just when things were looking up, the queen accused Joseph of assaulting her. He got thrown into prison, but because he had a gift of interpreting dreams, he was able to make his way back into the Pharaoh's good graces.
A famine struck the entire Middle East, and Joseph discovered his own brothers one day at his feet, begging for food. He held such power over them, they were terrified. They expected him to have them thrown into prison forever, but instead, he forgave them.
He said to his brothers, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Gen 50:19-20 NIV)
Sometimes, we find ourselves at the mercy of evil people, just as Joseph did. We may go for years on end without relief. But then we get a break, and we suddenly see why God allowed our suffering. That's when we realize that mankind may set out to do evil to us, but God will use it for our good.
Today's Challenge
What evil things have you been experiencing? If you're in the midst of a lot of conflict, keep looking up. God will turn things around in your favor eventually, and you'll understand how he intended the evil for your good.
Monday, March 14, 2011
God Hates Sin
Today, we arrive at the tenth and final attribute of God as we continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Since God loves all that is good and right, it comes as no surprise that he hates everything that stands in opposition to his chacter.
God's opposition to evil is total and permanent.
The Bible reassures us that if we believe in Jesus, we will be rewarded with eternal life in heaven. But it also tells us that if we reject Jesus, we will experience God's wrath. John 3:36 (NIV) reads: Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him.
God's character does not allow him to turn a blind eye to evil. He must punish it, otherwise it would make a mockery of all that is good. If we understand this attribute of God, we can feel better as survivors of abuse, knowing that God opposes those who have hurt us. We are not alone in our suffering.
When we hate the injustice that has occurred in our lives, we are imitating God. He hates evil, injustice, and sin. Therefore, we no longer need to feel guilty about the rage we feel. It is natural if we are made in the likeness of God to become upset when someone sins against us.
Imagine what the world would be like if God didn't get all that upsest about child molesters hurting little children. Think about what life would look like if God either delighted in sin or was not troubled by it. I sure wouldn't want to worship that kind of God. He would be as warped as the child molesters and other criminals on our planet.
God is slow to act on his anger.
God delays the punishment that people deserve for the evil acts they commit, because he wants them to come to a point of repentance. Remember, we learned earlier that God is merciful, gracious, and patient. Psalm 103:8 (NIV) reads, The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. While God hates sin, he loves all people.
We must be patient with our enemies.
Like God, we know that it is part of our character to hate evil. But we must also remember that God still loves sinners, so we must do the same. Our enemies may not yet have come to a point of repenting for their actions. Therefore, it is up to us to remain patient while they work toward that point of change.
As at teacher, I frequently taught small children who couldn't seem to learn at the pace of the average kid. God has always blessed me with the ability to patiently work with people who are slow to pick up on new concepts.
I once had a student in kindergarten who could not grasp what we call 'sight words.' These simple words, such as and and the needed to be memorized in order to move on to more difficult reading tasks. Every other student had moved ahead to beginning readers, but this poor little boy couldn't get it.
One Monday morning, he came up to me as I was preparing to start our day. With confidence, he said, "Look what I can do." He opened a little book and read it perfectly from beginning to end.
I was flabbergasted and figured that someone at home must have been drilling him all weekend. I asked, "Who taught you how to read?"
Without hesitation, he smiled up at me and said, "You did."
That moment showed me that we never know how much of an impact we are having on someone. Even when our efforts seem to be fruitless, we never know what is going on in someone's heart or mind.
As I wait for my father to repent of his sins of molesting children and my mother to learn how to love as God does; I remember that little boy. I must be patient and kind to the people who have hurt me the most. Like my student, my parents may be the type of people who are slower to catch on to God's lessons for them.
I want to be there when someone asks the question of my parents, "Who taught you to love?" Hopefully, they'll give God the credit first and also mention that my kindness toward them helped along the way.
How do we find the patience to love slow learners?
I find it extremely difficult to love my parents. My mother, especially, is the type of person who pushes people away or turns on them when they try to express God's love to her. While my kindergarten student was eager to learn and please, my mother is more reluctant to do so.
I do not have the capacity to love either of my parents without God's help. Learning more about his character and how I am supposed to imitate him shows me what I must do. With ongoing prayer, I can tap into God's power to do the impossible. So can you.
Apply God's moral attributes to your own life so that you can forgive.
Over the past several weeks, we have looked at our own problems that have been caused by abuse or trauma: anger, fear, lack of trust, low self-esteem, guilt, revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. I call these the roadblocks to forgiveness, because as long as they remain in place, we cannot move forward.
Along the way, we have also learned what it means to become more like God. We have studied his goodness, love, mercy, grace, patience, holiness, peace, justice, jealousy, and wrath.
With a well-balanced view of God's character, we can better understand where we are out of balance. By understanding our own weaknesses and imitating God for strength, we can approach forgiveness with greater confidence. We now have the tools to remove the roadblocks so that we can continue on our journey toward forgiving.
Today's Challenge
In your journal, write about the anger or hatred you have felt against people who have hurt you with their evil actions. Ask God to give you the patience you need to pray for them while they work toward repenting for their sins. If it is safe to do so, think of ways to show your enemy God's love through acts of kindness.
God's opposition to evil is total and permanent.
The Bible reassures us that if we believe in Jesus, we will be rewarded with eternal life in heaven. But it also tells us that if we reject Jesus, we will experience God's wrath. John 3:36 (NIV) reads: Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him.
God's character does not allow him to turn a blind eye to evil. He must punish it, otherwise it would make a mockery of all that is good. If we understand this attribute of God, we can feel better as survivors of abuse, knowing that God opposes those who have hurt us. We are not alone in our suffering.
When we hate the injustice that has occurred in our lives, we are imitating God. He hates evil, injustice, and sin. Therefore, we no longer need to feel guilty about the rage we feel. It is natural if we are made in the likeness of God to become upset when someone sins against us.
Imagine what the world would be like if God didn't get all that upsest about child molesters hurting little children. Think about what life would look like if God either delighted in sin or was not troubled by it. I sure wouldn't want to worship that kind of God. He would be as warped as the child molesters and other criminals on our planet.
God is slow to act on his anger.
God delays the punishment that people deserve for the evil acts they commit, because he wants them to come to a point of repentance. Remember, we learned earlier that God is merciful, gracious, and patient. Psalm 103:8 (NIV) reads, The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. While God hates sin, he loves all people.
We must be patient with our enemies.
Like God, we know that it is part of our character to hate evil. But we must also remember that God still loves sinners, so we must do the same. Our enemies may not yet have come to a point of repenting for their actions. Therefore, it is up to us to remain patient while they work toward that point of change.
As at teacher, I frequently taught small children who couldn't seem to learn at the pace of the average kid. God has always blessed me with the ability to patiently work with people who are slow to pick up on new concepts.
I once had a student in kindergarten who could not grasp what we call 'sight words.' These simple words, such as and and the needed to be memorized in order to move on to more difficult reading tasks. Every other student had moved ahead to beginning readers, but this poor little boy couldn't get it.
One Monday morning, he came up to me as I was preparing to start our day. With confidence, he said, "Look what I can do." He opened a little book and read it perfectly from beginning to end.
I was flabbergasted and figured that someone at home must have been drilling him all weekend. I asked, "Who taught you how to read?"
Without hesitation, he smiled up at me and said, "You did."
That moment showed me that we never know how much of an impact we are having on someone. Even when our efforts seem to be fruitless, we never know what is going on in someone's heart or mind.
As I wait for my father to repent of his sins of molesting children and my mother to learn how to love as God does; I remember that little boy. I must be patient and kind to the people who have hurt me the most. Like my student, my parents may be the type of people who are slower to catch on to God's lessons for them.
I want to be there when someone asks the question of my parents, "Who taught you to love?" Hopefully, they'll give God the credit first and also mention that my kindness toward them helped along the way.
How do we find the patience to love slow learners?
I find it extremely difficult to love my parents. My mother, especially, is the type of person who pushes people away or turns on them when they try to express God's love to her. While my kindergarten student was eager to learn and please, my mother is more reluctant to do so.
I do not have the capacity to love either of my parents without God's help. Learning more about his character and how I am supposed to imitate him shows me what I must do. With ongoing prayer, I can tap into God's power to do the impossible. So can you.
Apply God's moral attributes to your own life so that you can forgive.
Over the past several weeks, we have looked at our own problems that have been caused by abuse or trauma: anger, fear, lack of trust, low self-esteem, guilt, revenge, pride, hatred, and depression. I call these the roadblocks to forgiveness, because as long as they remain in place, we cannot move forward.
Along the way, we have also learned what it means to become more like God. We have studied his goodness, love, mercy, grace, patience, holiness, peace, justice, jealousy, and wrath.
With a well-balanced view of God's character, we can better understand where we are out of balance. By understanding our own weaknesses and imitating God for strength, we can approach forgiveness with greater confidence. We now have the tools to remove the roadblocks so that we can continue on our journey toward forgiving.
Today's Challenge
In your journal, write about the anger or hatred you have felt against people who have hurt you with their evil actions. Ask God to give you the patience you need to pray for them while they work toward repenting for their sins. If it is safe to do so, think of ways to show your enemy God's love through acts of kindness.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Practice Random Acts of Righteousness
Yesterday, we learned that righteousness means that we follow a moral code or law to keep ourselves from sin. God is himself the perfect standard for righteousness, and everything he does is right. If we want to forgive others, we must begin with an understanding of what righteous acts look like. Today, we continue with our study of righteousness in our quest to forgive people who have deeply hurt us.
If God is righteousness, we must first understand God's attributes.
God exhibits ten moral attributes that we should seek for ourselves if we want to become righteous. These moral attributes include:
1) goodness,
2) love,
3) mercy,
4) grace,
5) patience,
6) holiness,
7) peace,
8) justice,
9) protection, and
10) intense hate for all sin.
These are really big concepts, so we're going to tackle one per day.
How does the Bible define goodness?
Goodness means that God is the final standard, and all that he does is good. Good is something that God approves. When we do things that are good, we find delight in them, because God delights in them, too.
God is himself goodness defined.
We can find many passages in the Bible which indicate that God is good. For example, Jesus said, "No one is good--except God alone." (Luke 18:19 NIV) The psalmist wrote, Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. (Psalm 106:1 NIV) And King David wrote, Taste and see that the LORD is good..."(Psalm 34:8 NIV)
Everything that God does is worthy of his approval.
Whatever God does is so good, it is worthy of his complete approval. For example, when God created the world, he stood back and sighed with satisfaction. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning--the sixth day. (Gen. 1:31 NIV)
We must be careful to make the distinction here that God's works are not worthy of our approval, but only of God's. Therefore, he is the final standard of goodness.
God has given us the ability to reflect upon his goodness so that we can evaluate things in the way that he wants us to. We can learn to approve what God approves and take delight in whatever delights him.
God is the source of all good in the world.
If anything is truly good, it comes from God. James wrote, Every good an perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17 NIV)
Sometimes, we can be deceived into believing that something evil is good. As children who suffered from sexual abuse, we may have been told that our perpetrator's sick need for sexual gratification at our expense was something good. We may have been told that we were good while we were being molested.
It is important to remember that whatever is truly good comes from God. If we are engaging in behaviors that are immoral or wrong, they cannot be labeled good. The only way to learn how to distinguish what is truly good and what is evil is to study God's Word.
I wrote in earlier posts that I had found Healing Touch to be something good for pain relief and spiritual enlightenment. But as I read more of God's Word, I discovered that the people teaching Healing Touch were doing something evil and labeling it good. Their practices began in witchcraft and other religions that are in direct opposition to the Christian faith. The only way I came to this understanding was through a thorough understanding of God's righteousness that I found in the Bible.
The apostle Paul said, "Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by contant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." (Hebrews 5:13-14 NIV) Through a study of God's goodness, we can grow into mature Christians who can stand up to people who tempt us to do evil things and call them good.
God only does good things for his children.
Unlike our earthly fathers, God only does good things for us. We can find assurance in Romans 8:28 (NIV) that God wants to do good for us: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.
This does not mean that the minute we become Christians, all bad things will cease in our lives. There will still be times when we encounter evil, but we will better understand that even when bad things happen, God will do something to bring good from it.
To clarify this for you, God did not desire for me to be sexually abused. However, he has shown me how he plans to use my experience for good. My pain has led me to help others who share similar experiences. All over the world, people are finding comfort in the words that I share with them.
As another example, my study of Healing Touch brought me a lot of spiritual pain. I felt tremendous embarrassment over the fact that I had been duped into believing that something evil was good. However, as soon as I figured out my error, God put the wheels in motion to turn that bad experience into something good.
My minister thanked me for sharing the truth about healing touch with him; he had been looking for answers about alternative medicine for an upcoming sermon series. A fellow believer thanked me for the information, because it gave her the ammunition she needed to say no to someone who wanted her to get involved in Reiki, another type of healing which is not based in Christianity.
We should imitate God's goodness.
Whenever we can, we should do good. The apostle Paul wrote, "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." (Gal. 6:10 NIV) If it is unclear to us how to be good, we must learn that God is the one we should imitate.
God's #1 goal is for us to become more like Christ each day.
I wrote in previous blogs about developing goals for ourselves. I am learning that it is okay to have goals, provided that they help us to become more like Christ each day. When I discovered that Healing Touch was not pleasing to God, I ended all involvement in the program.
If you've been working on goals, look back over them and ask yourself, "Will this goal help me to become more like Christ each day?" If the answer is no, revise the goal or eliminate it.
You can also ask, "Does this goal reflect God's goodness, and will it develop in me the characteristic of goodness?" Sometimes, it is difficult to see the difference between a goal that makes us feel good and a goal that makes us good.
Getting even with our perpetrator through vengeful actions may make us feel good, but they will never make us good. Using alcohol, drugs, overwork, shopping, or other addictions may make us feel good temporarily, but they will never make us good in the way that God wants us to be.
Today's Challenge
In your journal, write down how you see God's goodness in your life. Is there anything that you are doing that feels good, but is really evil? If you are trapped in a habit that is not good, find an accountability partner or counselor to help you find your way out of it. Imitating God's goodness must come before we can learn how to forgive.
If God is righteousness, we must first understand God's attributes.
God exhibits ten moral attributes that we should seek for ourselves if we want to become righteous. These moral attributes include:
1) goodness,
2) love,
3) mercy,
4) grace,
5) patience,
6) holiness,
7) peace,
8) justice,
9) protection, and
10) intense hate for all sin.
These are really big concepts, so we're going to tackle one per day.
How does the Bible define goodness?
Goodness means that God is the final standard, and all that he does is good. Good is something that God approves. When we do things that are good, we find delight in them, because God delights in them, too.
God is himself goodness defined.
We can find many passages in the Bible which indicate that God is good. For example, Jesus said, "No one is good--except God alone." (Luke 18:19 NIV) The psalmist wrote, Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. (Psalm 106:1 NIV) And King David wrote, Taste and see that the LORD is good..."(Psalm 34:8 NIV)
Everything that God does is worthy of his approval.
Whatever God does is so good, it is worthy of his complete approval. For example, when God created the world, he stood back and sighed with satisfaction. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning--the sixth day. (Gen. 1:31 NIV)
We must be careful to make the distinction here that God's works are not worthy of our approval, but only of God's. Therefore, he is the final standard of goodness.
God has given us the ability to reflect upon his goodness so that we can evaluate things in the way that he wants us to. We can learn to approve what God approves and take delight in whatever delights him.
God is the source of all good in the world.
If anything is truly good, it comes from God. James wrote, Every good an perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17 NIV)
Sometimes, we can be deceived into believing that something evil is good. As children who suffered from sexual abuse, we may have been told that our perpetrator's sick need for sexual gratification at our expense was something good. We may have been told that we were good while we were being molested.
It is important to remember that whatever is truly good comes from God. If we are engaging in behaviors that are immoral or wrong, they cannot be labeled good. The only way to learn how to distinguish what is truly good and what is evil is to study God's Word.
I wrote in earlier posts that I had found Healing Touch to be something good for pain relief and spiritual enlightenment. But as I read more of God's Word, I discovered that the people teaching Healing Touch were doing something evil and labeling it good. Their practices began in witchcraft and other religions that are in direct opposition to the Christian faith. The only way I came to this understanding was through a thorough understanding of God's righteousness that I found in the Bible.
The apostle Paul said, "Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by contant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." (Hebrews 5:13-14 NIV) Through a study of God's goodness, we can grow into mature Christians who can stand up to people who tempt us to do evil things and call them good.
God only does good things for his children.
Unlike our earthly fathers, God only does good things for us. We can find assurance in Romans 8:28 (NIV) that God wants to do good for us: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.
This does not mean that the minute we become Christians, all bad things will cease in our lives. There will still be times when we encounter evil, but we will better understand that even when bad things happen, God will do something to bring good from it.
To clarify this for you, God did not desire for me to be sexually abused. However, he has shown me how he plans to use my experience for good. My pain has led me to help others who share similar experiences. All over the world, people are finding comfort in the words that I share with them.
As another example, my study of Healing Touch brought me a lot of spiritual pain. I felt tremendous embarrassment over the fact that I had been duped into believing that something evil was good. However, as soon as I figured out my error, God put the wheels in motion to turn that bad experience into something good.
My minister thanked me for sharing the truth about healing touch with him; he had been looking for answers about alternative medicine for an upcoming sermon series. A fellow believer thanked me for the information, because it gave her the ammunition she needed to say no to someone who wanted her to get involved in Reiki, another type of healing which is not based in Christianity.
We should imitate God's goodness.
Whenever we can, we should do good. The apostle Paul wrote, "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." (Gal. 6:10 NIV) If it is unclear to us how to be good, we must learn that God is the one we should imitate.
God's #1 goal is for us to become more like Christ each day.
I wrote in previous blogs about developing goals for ourselves. I am learning that it is okay to have goals, provided that they help us to become more like Christ each day. When I discovered that Healing Touch was not pleasing to God, I ended all involvement in the program.
If you've been working on goals, look back over them and ask yourself, "Will this goal help me to become more like Christ each day?" If the answer is no, revise the goal or eliminate it.
You can also ask, "Does this goal reflect God's goodness, and will it develop in me the characteristic of goodness?" Sometimes, it is difficult to see the difference between a goal that makes us feel good and a goal that makes us good.
Getting even with our perpetrator through vengeful actions may make us feel good, but they will never make us good. Using alcohol, drugs, overwork, shopping, or other addictions may make us feel good temporarily, but they will never make us good in the way that God wants us to be.
Today's Challenge
In your journal, write down how you see God's goodness in your life. Is there anything that you are doing that feels good, but is really evil? If you are trapped in a habit that is not good, find an accountability partner or counselor to help you find your way out of it. Imitating God's goodness must come before we can learn how to forgive.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Concealed Anger Leads to Revenge
We continue today with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. So far, we've identified ways to overcome anger, fear, trust, low self-esteem, and feelings of guilt. This lesson focuses on why revenge prevents us from forgiving.
Is it normal to think about revenge?
As survivors of childhood sexual abuse and trauma, we often find ourselves thinking about revenge. We consider ourselves to be normal, decent people. So why do we lie awake at night, hatching up plots to get even with the person who hurt us do deeply?
Robert Bulwer-Lytton wrote, "Anger ventilated often hurries towards forgiveness; anger concealed often hardens into revenge." This quote perfectly summarizes the source of our thoughts about revenge: unexpressed anger.
I wrote the biography of Charlie Osburn, a Christian evangelist, whose two children were molested by his next-door neighbor. For a long time, Charlie told me that he paced the floors at night, trying to figure out how to kill the man who had stolen his children's innocence.
As an abused spouse in my first marriage, I could never express my anger. As a result, I daydreamed about my husband crashing into a tree, driving over a cliff, or drowning. I once dreamed that I had murdered him, and my greatest concern was how I was going to keep the cops from finding the body that I had buried under the hardwood floor of our front entry.
When someone wounds us as deeply as sexual predators do, we all think of revenge. The longer the abuse continues, the more bizarre our daydreams and nightmares become. We know this is unhealthy and immoral, but we can't seem to stop the thoughts.
Vengeful thoughts may spill over as passive-aggressive acts.
If we are dreaming at night about seeking revenge, we may find ourselves acting out in unexpected ways during the day. Many sexual abuse survivors become passive-aggressive. In other words, people who seem to be meek (passive) lash out in surprising, but subtle ways. Often, their target is not their abuser.
One of my sons provided a classic example of passive aggression as he was growing up. He was angry with his father for criticizing him so harshly, but he did not feel safe in expressing himself. As a result, this usually sweet-mannered boy scribbled on brand-new carpeting with a permanent marker and chiseled the sides of his furniture with the sharp edges of toys.
When unexpressed anger carries over into adulthood, suvivors become passive-aggressive people who surprise us with their actions. Sadly, we are reading about more and more incidents of teens shooting others at their schools, of employees 'going postal,' and of drivers exhibiting road rage.
What does God want us to do with our vengeful thoughts?
The Bible tells us, Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. (Romans 12:17-19 NIV)
We learned in a previous lesson that it is much better to allow our justice system to carry out any punishment that our perpetrators deserve. When we step back and allow room for God's wrath, we may discover that his punishment provides us with far more satisfaction than our own clumsy attempts at justice.
Tomorrow, we'll learn some simple techniques for working beyond our vengeful thoughts. For now, just recognize that these thoughts exist in the minds of most survivors, and understand that both revenge and passive-aggressive behavior begin with unexpressed anger.
Today's Challenge
Take out your journal and write down the names of people that you consider your enemies. Beside each name, write out why you are angry. Then, write down any vengeful action that you have thought about taking. Circle any action that you have actually carried out.
Is it normal to think about revenge?
As survivors of childhood sexual abuse and trauma, we often find ourselves thinking about revenge. We consider ourselves to be normal, decent people. So why do we lie awake at night, hatching up plots to get even with the person who hurt us do deeply?
Robert Bulwer-Lytton wrote, "Anger ventilated often hurries towards forgiveness; anger concealed often hardens into revenge." This quote perfectly summarizes the source of our thoughts about revenge: unexpressed anger.
I wrote the biography of Charlie Osburn, a Christian evangelist, whose two children were molested by his next-door neighbor. For a long time, Charlie told me that he paced the floors at night, trying to figure out how to kill the man who had stolen his children's innocence.
As an abused spouse in my first marriage, I could never express my anger. As a result, I daydreamed about my husband crashing into a tree, driving over a cliff, or drowning. I once dreamed that I had murdered him, and my greatest concern was how I was going to keep the cops from finding the body that I had buried under the hardwood floor of our front entry.
When someone wounds us as deeply as sexual predators do, we all think of revenge. The longer the abuse continues, the more bizarre our daydreams and nightmares become. We know this is unhealthy and immoral, but we can't seem to stop the thoughts.
Vengeful thoughts may spill over as passive-aggressive acts.
If we are dreaming at night about seeking revenge, we may find ourselves acting out in unexpected ways during the day. Many sexual abuse survivors become passive-aggressive. In other words, people who seem to be meek (passive) lash out in surprising, but subtle ways. Often, their target is not their abuser.
One of my sons provided a classic example of passive aggression as he was growing up. He was angry with his father for criticizing him so harshly, but he did not feel safe in expressing himself. As a result, this usually sweet-mannered boy scribbled on brand-new carpeting with a permanent marker and chiseled the sides of his furniture with the sharp edges of toys.
When unexpressed anger carries over into adulthood, suvivors become passive-aggressive people who surprise us with their actions. Sadly, we are reading about more and more incidents of teens shooting others at their schools, of employees 'going postal,' and of drivers exhibiting road rage.
What does God want us to do with our vengeful thoughts?
The Bible tells us, Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. (Romans 12:17-19 NIV)
We learned in a previous lesson that it is much better to allow our justice system to carry out any punishment that our perpetrators deserve. When we step back and allow room for God's wrath, we may discover that his punishment provides us with far more satisfaction than our own clumsy attempts at justice.
Tomorrow, we'll learn some simple techniques for working beyond our vengeful thoughts. For now, just recognize that these thoughts exist in the minds of most survivors, and understand that both revenge and passive-aggressive behavior begin with unexpressed anger.
Today's Challenge
Take out your journal and write down the names of people that you consider your enemies. Beside each name, write out why you are angry. Then, write down any vengeful action that you have thought about taking. Circle any action that you have actually carried out.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
War in God's Holy Temple
My dad waits in jail to be tried for sex crimes committed against one of several children in our family. No one who knows my father can comprehend how this could have happened. For years, he has been an elder in the church, a leader in a civic organization, and the type of man everyone in town admires. A woman once said to me, "Your dad is just a big, lovable teddy bear."
Incest is a terrible sin. Innocent children trust the adults in their lives to love and nurture them. When someone we love suddenly commits such an awful act against us, our minds become confused. Love and sexual abuse should not go together. Statistics, however, reveal that they often do. One out of four girls and one out of six boys is sexually molested at some point during their childhood. Most of their perpetrators are people within their own families.
When someone we have always viewed as good is suddenly exposed as evil, it shakes our faith in God and our confidence in our earthly parents and community leaders. As survivors, it creates so much inner turmoil that we can barely stand to breathe at times. Whom can we trust? What can we believe?
Lately, I have found some answers to these questions in 2nd Corinthians 6:14-16a. The Message translation of this passage reads:
Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God's holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives.
If we are Christians, striving to live in the light of God's love, we cannot remain partners with people who reject God. Adults who force children into sexual acts are people who reject God's laws and his love. Their actions are wrong. This is why we feel a war waging in our spirits after we have experienced sexual abuse. And if the people who molest us are adults who are supposed to protect and nurture us, we find ourselves fighting a battle of incredible magnitude. God commands us to honor our parents. How can we, when they dishonor us?
My body is a holy temple, a place where God lives. As a child, I may have little or no control over adults who tell me lies and threaten me so that they can molest my body. However, if I grow up and learn that abuse is wrong and allow someone to continue hurting me sexually or emotionally, I am giving Satan permission to set up house together with God. If you want to experience a war of unbelievable proportions, try living in a temple where God is doing battle with Satan. The agony of living in such a place is unbearable. For many, including me, it has caused depression, relationship difficulties, suicidal thoughts, pain, and illness.
When people experience war in their country, they find relief at times by relocating elsewhere. When the war we are experiencing is going on inside of our bodies, minds, and souls, there is no place for us to find safety. Wherever we go, the battle goes with us.
The worst part of this battle lies in trying to forgive. There are many places in the Bible where God calls us to forgive people who hurt us. I agree that this is a wise practice. But in the case of incest, this is combat between God and Satan that goes far beyond my own strength. I cannot just wave a white flag and say that I have forgiven my father. Instantly forgiving my mother for failing to protect me and other children in her care is an equally impossible task. Trying to minimize the emotional abandonment caused by incest would be as foolish as standing up between lines of clashing armies firing machine guns at each other.
It is ludicrous for people to tell me to just forget what happened and get on with my life. The work of remembering for the sake of keeping myself safe from future harm, as well as the subsequent forgiving, can only be done through the power of the Holy Spirit. Forgiveness for incest happens over a very, very long period of time. The only thing I can do in the midst of this war is to tell God that I am willing to work at forgiving people who have wounded me. With God's help, I can love my perpetrator from a distance, and I can pray for his reconciliation with the Lord.
Others who have not been victimized cannot understand why we as survivors are unwilling to reconnect with our abusers who also happen to be our relatives. What most of these people don't comprehend is that while God does call us to forgive, he does not expect us to force ourselves to remain in a relationship with people who have committed such evil acts against us. God's Word asks us, "Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God's holy Temple?" For us, healing comes more quickly when we put ourselves at a safe distance from people who have harmed us this deeply.
Sometimes, people who are inexperienced in working with sexual abuse victims can cause further harm by trying to 'help' us to quickly forgive and forget. We may need to distance ourselves from such helpers for a time, at least until they come to understand that their attempts to fix us are hurting us more.
At other times, members of our own family may try to quickly force things to appear normal. Their shame over the incest leads them to say and do things so that they can pretend it never happened. We cannot allow their need for instant normalcy to distract us from the slow recovery process required for complete healing. Rushing the healing of incest would be as ridiculous as asking a person whose legs have been blown off in combat to stand up and walk. Sexual abuse and combat injuries take a long time to mend and require special care.
This situation with my dad has torn our family apart. I have had to step back and assess what I can do as the battle rages on between God and Satan. I have prayed for discernment so that I can clearly see what is of God and what is from the pit of hell. Often, I return to the Bible so that I will understand how God defines good and evil. As much as possible, I have surrounded myself with true Christians whose lives reflect the love of Christ. For a time, I have distanced myself from people whose 'helpful' actions have only served to hurt me more.
In spite of this war between the Light of the World and the forces of darkness, I have great hope. Because the God that lives within me is much more powerful than the evil that walks in this world. Philippians 4:16 (NIV) reminds me, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” In time, I know that I will find healing as the Holy Spirit works in my heart, mind, and soul to restore me fully. When the war is won, I believe that God will use me in a mighty way to bring good out of a battle that Satan meant for evil.
Incest is a terrible sin. Innocent children trust the adults in their lives to love and nurture them. When someone we love suddenly commits such an awful act against us, our minds become confused. Love and sexual abuse should not go together. Statistics, however, reveal that they often do. One out of four girls and one out of six boys is sexually molested at some point during their childhood. Most of their perpetrators are people within their own families.
When someone we have always viewed as good is suddenly exposed as evil, it shakes our faith in God and our confidence in our earthly parents and community leaders. As survivors, it creates so much inner turmoil that we can barely stand to breathe at times. Whom can we trust? What can we believe?
Lately, I have found some answers to these questions in 2nd Corinthians 6:14-16a. The Message translation of this passage reads:
Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God's holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives.
If we are Christians, striving to live in the light of God's love, we cannot remain partners with people who reject God. Adults who force children into sexual acts are people who reject God's laws and his love. Their actions are wrong. This is why we feel a war waging in our spirits after we have experienced sexual abuse. And if the people who molest us are adults who are supposed to protect and nurture us, we find ourselves fighting a battle of incredible magnitude. God commands us to honor our parents. How can we, when they dishonor us?
My body is a holy temple, a place where God lives. As a child, I may have little or no control over adults who tell me lies and threaten me so that they can molest my body. However, if I grow up and learn that abuse is wrong and allow someone to continue hurting me sexually or emotionally, I am giving Satan permission to set up house together with God. If you want to experience a war of unbelievable proportions, try living in a temple where God is doing battle with Satan. The agony of living in such a place is unbearable. For many, including me, it has caused depression, relationship difficulties, suicidal thoughts, pain, and illness.
When people experience war in their country, they find relief at times by relocating elsewhere. When the war we are experiencing is going on inside of our bodies, minds, and souls, there is no place for us to find safety. Wherever we go, the battle goes with us.
The worst part of this battle lies in trying to forgive. There are many places in the Bible where God calls us to forgive people who hurt us. I agree that this is a wise practice. But in the case of incest, this is combat between God and Satan that goes far beyond my own strength. I cannot just wave a white flag and say that I have forgiven my father. Instantly forgiving my mother for failing to protect me and other children in her care is an equally impossible task. Trying to minimize the emotional abandonment caused by incest would be as foolish as standing up between lines of clashing armies firing machine guns at each other.
It is ludicrous for people to tell me to just forget what happened and get on with my life. The work of remembering for the sake of keeping myself safe from future harm, as well as the subsequent forgiving, can only be done through the power of the Holy Spirit. Forgiveness for incest happens over a very, very long period of time. The only thing I can do in the midst of this war is to tell God that I am willing to work at forgiving people who have wounded me. With God's help, I can love my perpetrator from a distance, and I can pray for his reconciliation with the Lord.
Others who have not been victimized cannot understand why we as survivors are unwilling to reconnect with our abusers who also happen to be our relatives. What most of these people don't comprehend is that while God does call us to forgive, he does not expect us to force ourselves to remain in a relationship with people who have committed such evil acts against us. God's Word asks us, "Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God's holy Temple?" For us, healing comes more quickly when we put ourselves at a safe distance from people who have harmed us this deeply.
Sometimes, people who are inexperienced in working with sexual abuse victims can cause further harm by trying to 'help' us to quickly forgive and forget. We may need to distance ourselves from such helpers for a time, at least until they come to understand that their attempts to fix us are hurting us more.
At other times, members of our own family may try to quickly force things to appear normal. Their shame over the incest leads them to say and do things so that they can pretend it never happened. We cannot allow their need for instant normalcy to distract us from the slow recovery process required for complete healing. Rushing the healing of incest would be as ridiculous as asking a person whose legs have been blown off in combat to stand up and walk. Sexual abuse and combat injuries take a long time to mend and require special care.
This situation with my dad has torn our family apart. I have had to step back and assess what I can do as the battle rages on between God and Satan. I have prayed for discernment so that I can clearly see what is of God and what is from the pit of hell. Often, I return to the Bible so that I will understand how God defines good and evil. As much as possible, I have surrounded myself with true Christians whose lives reflect the love of Christ. For a time, I have distanced myself from people whose 'helpful' actions have only served to hurt me more.
In spite of this war between the Light of the World and the forces of darkness, I have great hope. Because the God that lives within me is much more powerful than the evil that walks in this world. Philippians 4:16 (NIV) reminds me, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” In time, I know that I will find healing as the Holy Spirit works in my heart, mind, and soul to restore me fully. When the war is won, I believe that God will use me in a mighty way to bring good out of a battle that Satan meant for evil.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
