Over the course of my series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, we have learned how abuse or trauma has left us broken. We have studied God's character so that we can imitate him. Yesterday, we looked into our own character and asked God to reveal our faults. Today, we take the next step on the road to forgiveness by asking God to forgive us.
The Lord's Prayer
All of us are guilty of sinning. Therefore, we need to go to God daily to ask him for forgiveness. When someone asked how we are supposed to pray, Jesus gave us the model for prayer known as The Lord's Prayer:
You should pray like this: Our Father in heaven, help us to honor your name. Come and set up your kingdom, so that everyone on earth will obey you, as you are obeyed in heaven. Give us our food for today. Forgive us for doing wrong, as we forgive others. Matthew 6:9-12 (CEV)
There are two types of forgiveness prayers.
We learned earlier that God's grace provides us with salvation from eternal punishment when we say that we believe in Jesus as our savior. When we arrive at the point of surrendering control of our lives to Christ, we pray for forgiveness so that we might be saved. We only need to pray for that type of forgiveness once. We need just one salvation, and we can never lose it unless we later denounce God the Father, Son, or Holy Spirit.
Let me simplify this concept for you. If we love someone and desire to marry them, we go to a person licensed by the state to join us as husband and wife. There is no need to return daily, weekly, or annually to that officiant to be married over and over. Once is enough. The same is true of our adoption into God's family. One prayer asking for forgiveness and surrendering control is adequate.
The second type of forgiveness prayer does need to occur daily. The Bible clearly tells us in the passage above that we need to talk to God daily. During our time with him, we need to ask him to forgive us for our daily sins so that we can also forgive others.
This type of forgiveness prayer is designed to help us restore our relationship with God each day. Because if we're all sinners, we're constantly breaking down that relationship.
To clarify this, we can think again of the marriage model. We don't need to find someone daily to re-marry us to our spouses. But we do need to tell our spouses daily that we love them. Imagine how difficult it would be to remain in a relationship with a spouse that you never talked to, never spent time with, never loved, or never apologized to. Such a marriage would be unbearable.
God loves us and wants to have a close, vital relationship with us every day. If we fail to go to him to confess our faults, we create a really strained and distant relationship with him that lacks the peace we are seeking.
Sometimes, we can't identify our sins.
There will be times when we can't identify any sin in ourselves. This does not mean that we are sin-free. It simply means that we need to spend more time reflecting on who we truly are. Scripture clearly tells us that we are liars if we claim to be without sin:
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. (I John 1:8-10 NIV)
Even when we can't see any sin in ourselves, it is still present. By following the discipline of daily prayer, asking God to forgive us, we put ourselves into a closer relationship with him.
Our own forgiveness comes before we can forgive our enemies.
We must ask for our own forgiveness before we can fully forgive the person who has hurt us. Why? If we don't understand the process of our own forgiveness, we can't possibly understand what is expected of our enemies.
If we don't personally experience the forgiveness of our own sins, and we expect our enemies to apologize to us on our terms; all we're really looking for is control over the situation. Our pride demands that our enemy gives us back the power that we lost so that we can continue to feel superior toward him.
By fully recognizing God's righteousness and our own faults, we see that all people need forgiveness. We level the playing field so that we are no longer superior to anyone in need of forgiveness, including that person who has hurt us most deeply.
God showed me where I was wrong.
The image of my father being taken away in handcuffs will forever be imprinted in my mind. At that moment, I realized that all of us deserve punishment for our sins. God's angels could be taking me away in cuffs to spend eternity separated from God. The only difference between my father and me is that he committed a sin that also happened to break a law.
God has used my father's crimes and his sentencing to reveal to me my sin of pride. This new understanding of my own faults has drastically changed the way I look at myself and the process of forgiving. Until God revealed this flaw to me, I was stuck in the forgiveness process. What's holding you back from forgiving?
Today's ChallengeIf there is something keeping you from forgiving an enemy, ask God to reveal your own sin. When he does, admit it to God and ask for his forgiveness. As soon as you do, peace will flow into your life, as it has in mine.
Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts
Friday, March 18, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Tell the Truth Faster
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #50
Most people avoid telling the truth for three reasons. They're afraid that it might make someone: 1) uncomfortable, 2) hurt, or 3) angry. If we don't tell the truth, we can't really live in reality, nor can others. Telling the truth frees everyone to deal with things the way they really are; not the way we wish they were.
What happens when you tell the truth?
When we withhold secrets about ourselves, it takes up a lot of our energy. On the other hand, when we release the truth about something or someone, our focus shifts away from what we were hiding to what God wants us to spend our lives doing.
For people who have been victims of incest, hiding the truth takes up an enormous amount of energy. It took me fifty years to speak the truth out loud. Prior to that time, I suffered from nightmares that robbed me of sleep and kept me in a fog through the day. I had a list of physical ailments as long as my arm.
After I told the truth about what had happened to me, I suddenly found that I had greater energy and clarity of mind. I began to complete tasks that had previously overwhelmed me. For the first time ever, I experienced joy.
What do you need to share?
Jack says that he believes the three things people most need to share are: 1) resentments that have built up; 2) the unmet needs that underlie those resentments; and 3) appreciations. I'd like to address the first two.
Survivors of incest harbor a lot of resentment against their parents, who failed to protect them from sexual abuse. When the very people we expected to keep us safe turned out to be the ones who hurt us the most; we can get into the unhealthy habit of dwelling daily on the pain of our past.
We can shift into a more positive state of mind by writing down our resentments on paper and telling God about how desperately neglected we felt as children. Even if our earthly parents have let us down, our heavenly Father never will.
I once went to a remote cabin and gathered hundreds of twigs from the forest floor. Carrying them to a fire ring, I sat with a hatchet and whacked each twig in half. With every blow of the blade, I told a truth about one of the many ways my mother had failed to meet my needs. When I was finished, I piled the twigs in the fire ring and set them ablaze. As the smoke rose heavenward, I told God that I was giving him all of my past pain. I felt an incredible release afterward, and my life's focus began to shift in a more positive direction.
When is the best time to tell the truth?
Generally, if we're asking ourselves when we should tell the truth, the answer is now. We'll probably be uncomfortable, and it may create lots of reactions. But telling the truth immediately is the right thing to do in most cases.
If we say, "But I don't want to hurt their feelings," we're telling a lie. What's really happening is that we don't want to hurt our own feelings. We're avoiding how we will feel when they get upset. This is the coward's way out. Hiding the truth always backfires. The longer we withhold it, the worse things get for everyone involved.
Once again, Dr. Seuss' quote comes to mind: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. This saying has given me the courage to tell the truth faster in many instances. The way I look at it, if someone blows their stack when I tell them the truth, they really don't matter in the big scheme of things.
One of the hardest conversations I ever had was with my mother. When I told her that my dad had molested me as a child, she refused to believe me. Instead, she rushed to my father's defense and fiercely clung to his denial. In that moment, I realized that my mother was one of those people who didn't matter. It was a sad revelation, but a freeing one.
As Jack pointed out, refusing to speak or hear the truth does not allow people to dwell in reality. Instead, they remain trapped in a world of their own invention. Are you living a real life or an imaginary one?
Proverbs 16:13 reads, Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth. Imagine trying to rule a kingdom surrounded by nothing but yes-men. How would a leader ever discern what was best for his subjects if his right-hand men were all afraid to tell him the truth?
How can we discern what's best for us if we're afraid to hear the truth about ourselves? How can we find the energy we need to cope with life if we're using it all up to hold back the truth?
Today's Challenge
On a sheet of paper, write down all of the resentments you feel toward people who have failed to meet your needs. In prayer, share your list with God and ask him to help you to speak the truth in love where it is appropriate. Make a commitment from this day forward to tell the truth faster. By doing so, you will free yourself and others to live in reality, not in an imaginary world that doesn't exist.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Most people avoid telling the truth for three reasons. They're afraid that it might make someone: 1) uncomfortable, 2) hurt, or 3) angry. If we don't tell the truth, we can't really live in reality, nor can others. Telling the truth frees everyone to deal with things the way they really are; not the way we wish they were.
What happens when you tell the truth?
When we withhold secrets about ourselves, it takes up a lot of our energy. On the other hand, when we release the truth about something or someone, our focus shifts away from what we were hiding to what God wants us to spend our lives doing.
For people who have been victims of incest, hiding the truth takes up an enormous amount of energy. It took me fifty years to speak the truth out loud. Prior to that time, I suffered from nightmares that robbed me of sleep and kept me in a fog through the day. I had a list of physical ailments as long as my arm.
After I told the truth about what had happened to me, I suddenly found that I had greater energy and clarity of mind. I began to complete tasks that had previously overwhelmed me. For the first time ever, I experienced joy.
What do you need to share?
Jack says that he believes the three things people most need to share are: 1) resentments that have built up; 2) the unmet needs that underlie those resentments; and 3) appreciations. I'd like to address the first two.
Survivors of incest harbor a lot of resentment against their parents, who failed to protect them from sexual abuse. When the very people we expected to keep us safe turned out to be the ones who hurt us the most; we can get into the unhealthy habit of dwelling daily on the pain of our past.
We can shift into a more positive state of mind by writing down our resentments on paper and telling God about how desperately neglected we felt as children. Even if our earthly parents have let us down, our heavenly Father never will.
I once went to a remote cabin and gathered hundreds of twigs from the forest floor. Carrying them to a fire ring, I sat with a hatchet and whacked each twig in half. With every blow of the blade, I told a truth about one of the many ways my mother had failed to meet my needs. When I was finished, I piled the twigs in the fire ring and set them ablaze. As the smoke rose heavenward, I told God that I was giving him all of my past pain. I felt an incredible release afterward, and my life's focus began to shift in a more positive direction.
When is the best time to tell the truth?
Generally, if we're asking ourselves when we should tell the truth, the answer is now. We'll probably be uncomfortable, and it may create lots of reactions. But telling the truth immediately is the right thing to do in most cases.
If we say, "But I don't want to hurt their feelings," we're telling a lie. What's really happening is that we don't want to hurt our own feelings. We're avoiding how we will feel when they get upset. This is the coward's way out. Hiding the truth always backfires. The longer we withhold it, the worse things get for everyone involved.
Once again, Dr. Seuss' quote comes to mind: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. This saying has given me the courage to tell the truth faster in many instances. The way I look at it, if someone blows their stack when I tell them the truth, they really don't matter in the big scheme of things.
One of the hardest conversations I ever had was with my mother. When I told her that my dad had molested me as a child, she refused to believe me. Instead, she rushed to my father's defense and fiercely clung to his denial. In that moment, I realized that my mother was one of those people who didn't matter. It was a sad revelation, but a freeing one.
As Jack pointed out, refusing to speak or hear the truth does not allow people to dwell in reality. Instead, they remain trapped in a world of their own invention. Are you living a real life or an imaginary one?
Proverbs 16:13 reads, Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth. Imagine trying to rule a kingdom surrounded by nothing but yes-men. How would a leader ever discern what was best for his subjects if his right-hand men were all afraid to tell him the truth?
How can we discern what's best for us if we're afraid to hear the truth about ourselves? How can we find the energy we need to cope with life if we're using it all up to hold back the truth?
Today's Challenge
On a sheet of paper, write down all of the resentments you feel toward people who have failed to meet your needs. In prayer, share your list with God and ask him to help you to speak the truth in love where it is appropriate. Make a commitment from this day forward to tell the truth faster. By doing so, you will free yourself and others to live in reality, not in an imaginary world that doesn't exist.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
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