Tell the Truth Faster

Jack Canfield's Success Principle #50

Most people avoid telling the truth for three reasons. They're afraid that it might make someone: 1) uncomfortable, 2) hurt, or 3) angry. If we don't tell the truth, we can't really live in reality, nor can others. Telling the truth frees everyone to deal with things the way they really are; not the way we wish they were.

What happens when you tell the truth?
When we withhold secrets about ourselves, it takes up a lot of our energy. On the other hand, when we release the truth about something or someone, our focus shifts away from what we were hiding to what God wants us to spend our lives doing.

For people who have been victims of incest, hiding the truth takes up an enormous amount of energy. It took me fifty years to speak the truth out loud. Prior to that time, I suffered from nightmares that robbed me of sleep and kept me in a fog through the day. I had a list of physical ailments as long as my arm.

After I told the truth about what had happened to me, I suddenly found that I had greater energy and clarity of mind. I began to complete tasks that had previously overwhelmed me. For the first time ever, I experienced joy.

What do you need to share?
Jack says that he believes the three things people most need to share are: 1) resentments that have built up; 2) the unmet needs that underlie those resentments; and 3) appreciations. I'd like to address the first two.

Survivors of incest harbor a lot of resentment against their parents, who failed to protect them from sexual abuse. When the very people we expected to keep us safe turned out to be the ones who hurt us the most; we can get into the unhealthy habit of dwelling daily on the pain of our past.

We can shift into a more positive state of mind by writing down our resentments on paper and telling God about how desperately neglected we felt as children. Even if our earthly parents have let us down, our heavenly Father never will.

I once went to a remote cabin and gathered hundreds of twigs from the forest floor. Carrying them to a fire ring, I sat with a hatchet and whacked each twig in half. With every blow of the blade, I told a truth about one of the many ways my mother had failed to meet my needs. When I was finished, I piled the twigs in the fire ring and set them ablaze. As the smoke rose heavenward, I told God that I was giving him all of my past pain. I felt an incredible release afterward, and my life's focus began to shift in a more positive direction.

When is the best time to tell the truth?
Generally, if we're asking ourselves when we should tell the truth, the answer is now. We'll probably be uncomfortable, and it may create lots of reactions. But telling the truth immediately is the right thing to do in most cases.

If we say, "But I don't want to hurt their feelings," we're telling a lie. What's really happening is that we don't want to hurt our own feelings. We're avoiding how we will feel when they get upset. This is the coward's way out. Hiding the truth always backfires. The longer we withhold it, the worse things get for everyone involved.

Once again, Dr. Seuss' quote comes to mind: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. This saying has given me the courage to tell the truth faster in many instances. The way I look at it, if someone blows their stack when I tell them the truth, they really don't matter in the big scheme of things.

One of the hardest conversations I ever had was with my mother. When I told her that my dad had molested me as a child, she refused to believe me. Instead, she rushed to my father's defense and fiercely clung to his denial. In that moment, I realized that my mother was one of those people who didn't matter. It was a sad revelation, but a freeing one.

As Jack pointed out, refusing to speak or hear the truth does not allow people to dwell in reality. Instead, they remain trapped in a world of their own invention. Are you living a real life or an imaginary one?

Proverbs 16:13 reads, Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth. Imagine trying to rule a kingdom surrounded by nothing but yes-men. How would a leader ever discern what was best for his subjects if his right-hand men were all afraid to tell him the truth?

How can we discern what's best for us if we're afraid to hear the truth about ourselves? How can we find the energy we need to cope with life if we're using it all up to hold back the truth?

Today's Challenge
On a sheet of paper, write down all of the resentments you feel toward people who have failed to meet your needs. In prayer, share your list with God and ask him to help you to speak the truth in love where it is appropriate. Make a commitment from this day forward to tell the truth faster. By doing so, you will free yourself and others to live in reality, not in an imaginary world that doesn't exist.

Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com