Speak with Impeccability

Jack Canfield's Success Principle #51

Successful people learn to master their words. They say things that will build self-esteem, self-confidence, and dreams. Through positive words, successful people help others to reach their goals by affirming, encouraging, appreciating, loving, and accepting them.

Ephesians 4:29 reminds us, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Does this describe the way you talk?

Our words create changes in the energy that we give and receive.
Jack points out that if we express love and acceptance to others, they will experience love for us. If, on the other hand, we express judgment or contempt for others, we will get the same in return. Expressions of gratitude result in appreciation returned to us.

Everything that we say produces an effect in the world. Did you know that every sound ever uttered travels through space and continues on for light years across the universe? This fact, when I remember it, causes me to zip my lips. How many useless words have I uttered? How many times have I wasted my breath in saying something pointless or unkind?

It's important to consider whether our words are going to advance our goals of becoming the best version of ourselves. Does our speech uplift the people listening? Do our words inspire, motivate, or create forward momentum? We must also ask whether our words will create safety and trust, or whether they will instill fear in others.

Stop lying and gossiping.
Lying is the product of low self-esteem; it is the belief that we and our abilities are somehow not enough to get us what we want. It is also based on the false belief that we can't handle the consequences of people knowing the truth about us. As we learned yesterday, it is imperative that we say what is true at all times.

When we gossip about someone, it shows the rest of the world that we are the kind of person who regularly talks about others behind their backs. It makes people wonder if we will turn that verbal poison on them. It erodes trust.

Caesar Milan is an author and star of the TV show, The Dog Whisperer. He understands the minds of dogs better than most people do. Recently, he made the point that if a dog doesn't trust a human, he will have no respect for the man. As a result, the dog may bite his owner, tear up his home, and soil his carpets. Without respect, there can be no relationship between man and dog.

Much of what Caesar Milan has to say about dogs, I believe, can be applied to human relationships, as well. As an abuse survivor, I can say that it used to be very difficult for me to trust others. After experiencing so much hurt, it was easier to rely only on myself. The problem with this over-reliance on self was that it often made it difficult for me to respect others. I tended to be very critical of people, which didn't do much for my relationships with them.

This lack of trust creates a multitude of problems for abuse survivors, but we can learn to overcome them. We can begin by finding someone reliable whom we can trust. Through safe encounters with trustworthy people, we can learn what it means to respect someone, to admire them, and to eventually love them.

When I met Joe, there was something about his demeanor that gave me my first glimpse into trustworthiness. He had served in the Air Force with military intelligence. He knew things that were so confidential, to speak of them could bring about devastation for our nation.

In all the years that we have been married, Joe has never shared any of that top-secret information with me. I realized by his example that anyone can learn to keep quiet about confidential matters. And when a person keeps confidences, we begin to trust him. Joe was the first man I ever trusted. Out of that trust has grown tremendous respect, which has evolved into a beautiful love relationship between the two of us.

But everyone is gossiping!
Gossip is all around us. I can be as guilty as the next person if I'm not careful about what I say. We hear it at work, in our neighborhoods, at home, and even in church. We can check our own words, but what about those around us who won't quit gossiping? We can follow these practical tips to stop others from gossiping and to prevent ourselves from falling back into it:

1) Change the subject. Remember that gossip lowers us back to a place of mistrust, where most gossipers remain stuck.
2) Say something positive about the gossiper to re-direct his perspective.
3) Walk away from the conversation.
4) Keep your mouth shut.
5) Clearly state that you no longer want to participate in gossiping.

Today's Challenge
Pay close attention to the words that come out of your mouth today. How do you feel after speaking? Do your words make you feel happy, joyful, calm, or at peace? Or have they left you feeling pretty miserable? Check both your verbal and written words for impeccability and change any that are not uplifting to others and energizing to yourself.

Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com