God Demands Justice

As we continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, we learn about God's view of justice. In doing so, we strive to understand his character so that we can reach our ultimate goal of forgiving our enemies.

God is just.
God always does what is fair and right, because he himself sets the standard for what is just. Moses said of God, "He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he." (Deuteronomy 32:4 NIV)

A just God must punish sin.
Because God is just, he cannot tolerate sin. Therefore, people who practice evil acts must be punished. Sin never deserves reward; it is always wrong.

We were created in the likeness of God. As a result, we expect the world to be a place where justice reigns. This is why we cheer at the end of a movie or novel when the villain gets what's coming to him. The hero causes God's justice to prevail, so that we can believe all is right with the world.

God put judges in place to carry out his justice.
While we are all here on earth, God has devised a plan for judges to carry out his justice. They are responsible for determining punishments for those who break the law.

Sometimes, we are given the opportunity to provide judges with our input regarding our enemy's sentence. This occurred for our family recently as the judge prepared to set a jail term for my father. Members of the family were invited to write letters or speak in court about the impact of my father's crimes on their lives.

I believe there are pros and cons to this inclusion of the victim in the sentencing process. On the one hand, I believe it helps to restore a victim's personal power. If she feels that she has a say in the outcome of a criminal case, the control that the perpetrator stole from her is restored. I think that including the victim's family provides many people with the opportunity to express their grief over the losses that the crime created.

On the other hand, asking a victim to provide input for sentencing can create a new way for her to feel guilty. When the perpetrator goes to jail, the sexually abused victim may feel terrible if she has participated in the sentencing. She may even begin to worry that when the criminal is released, he will come after her to get even.

Justice brings healing to survivors of abuse or trauma.
If we have been the victim of sexual abuse or another crime, justice is an important part of our healing. When we are wounded, our spirits cry out to God for him to make things right. If our perpetrators are punished by the criminal justice system, we feel vindicated. Like the ending of a great novel, we feel satisfied that good has triumphed over evil.

While there is some sense of satisfaction in seeing our enemies pay for their crimes, there is also sadness attached to their punishment. God feels tremendous sadness when one of his children goes astray. If we are like God at all, we will feel both vindicated and sad when our perpetrator goes to jail.

I have been tracking my father's progress through the prison system since his sentencing a few weeks ago. One day, I discovered a mug shot of him online in his prison uniform. All of his life, Dad was very proud of the way he kept his hair. To my dismay, I discovered that his head had been shaved. The look on his face was so grim, I can only imagine how difficult his life has become behind bars. That picture brought me to tears.

Like most members of the family, I felt satisfied that my father was punished for his sex crimes against innocent children. But at the same time, it breaks my heart to think of my dad spending years in prison.

This situation has helped me to understand how God feels about us when we sin. His character demands that he punish evil, so he can't just ignore us when we commit evil acts. His heart breaks, just as mine does, to see someone he loves in jail.

God provided a substitute for our penalty.
John 3:16 (NIV) provides us with a way out of the punishment that we all deserve for our sins: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and ony Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

You see, God loves all of us--even sinners like my father who have been sent to jail. Out of the heartbreak that God feels over our sins, he came up with an alternative to sentencing us.

When God sent Jesus to die on the cross, he provided a substitute for our punishment. Even though we deserve to die for our sins, Christ already paid the price for us. All we have to do is acknowledge that Jesus is God's Son and then do our best to live according to God's laws.

If people refuse to believe that Jesus is God's Son, or believers refuse to conform to God's laws; they can expect to be punished for their sins. We learned previously that God is loving, merciful, gracious, and patient. It gives us all hope that he will give us as many second chances as we need to get our act together.

But make no mistake: our God who demands justice will not let us go on sinning indefinitely without disciplining us. Like any loving Father, he will figure out a punishment that will bring us back in line with what is right. If we fail to respond, our punishment may last into eternity.

Today's Challenge
Write down in your journal how you feel about justice. Do you believe that child molesters should be punished? How do you think God views criminals? Do they deserve God's mercy? Are they 'eligible' for forgiveness from God? from us?

Recognize Righteousness

Today, we move into the second part of our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. During Part One, we learned that anger, fear, lack of trust, low self-esteem, guilt, revenge, pride, hatred, and depression stand as roadblocks to forigiving.

In Part Two, I will present a ten-step process for achieving the ability to forgive. Today and tomorrow, we will learn how to recognize what it means to be righteous. Because if we are going to forgive, we must learn to recognize how God sees our perpetrators and how he sees us as survivors of criminal acts who need to forgive.

Webster's Dictionary defines the word righteous.
Webster defines righteous as

1: acting in accord with divine or moral law; free from guilt or sin; and
2: morally right or justifiable; arising from an outraged sense of justice or morality.

In other words, to be righteous means that we behave within the confines of a set of laws. We strive to remain free from guilt or sin. And we feel righteous anger when someone breaks those laws.

In order to understand what it means for us to be righteous, we must look at righteousness as an attribute of God's character. If we look to the Bible, we will discover that God is righteousness defined, he always acts in accordance with what is right, and he commands us to do what is right.

How does the Bible define righteous behavior?
The Bible tells us that God himself is the final standard of what is right. God says of himself, "I, the LORD speak the truth, I declare what is right." (Isaiah 45:19 NIV) No one, other than God, is perfectly righteous and completely free from sin.

God always acts in accordance with what is right. Moses said of God, He is the Rock, his works are perfect, all all his ways are just.A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he. (Deut. 32:4 NIV)

God commands us to do what is right, and he promises blessings for those who obey him: The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. (Psalm 19:8 NIV) Therefore, whatever human behavior conforms to God's moral character is righteous.

Righteousness and punishment go hand in hand.
In order for God to remain righteous, he must punish sin. Without punishment, God could not be right, and there would be no ultimate justice in the world. When he punishes sin, God is proving to all that he is the ultimate, righteous judge over all things.

I have a new puppy. In order for me to teach her how to be righteous, I must offer rewards for good behavior, as well as punishments for bad behavior. If I praised her for both heeling on a leash and for peeing on my rug, she would never understand the difference between right and wrong. And if all I did was shout at her for every move she made, she would become very confused. We are very much like puppies, needing clear messages from God about the difference between righteousness and sin.

What if we don't believe in God or his righteousness?
We are creatures made by God. We have no right to say that God is unrighteous or unjust. The apostle Paul wrote,

But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purpose and some for common use? (Romans 9:20-21 NIV)

What if we don't believe that God has the right to punish sinners?
If we ever find ourselves in a position of questioning God's authority regarding justice, we can look to Job. When Job questioned God's authority to punish man, he got answers such as these from God:

Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place? (Job 38:12 NIV) Do you send the lightning bolts on their way? Do they report to you, 'Here we are'? (Job 38:35 NIV)

In reply, Job said to God, "I am unworthy--how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth." (Job 40:4 NIV) Like Job, we must recognize that God sets the gold standard for righteousness, and we must accept whatever punishment he deems appropriate for those who sin.

Jesus turns God's wrath into favor for us.
People could call God unrighteous if he did not punish sin. Because a God who does not punish sin is not a righteous God. Therefore, when God sent Jesus to die in our place for our sins, he showed that he could store up past, present and future sins and give them to Jesus on the cross. As a result of Christ's death, believers enjoy God's favor, not his wrath.

Romans 3:21-26 (NIV) clarifies the concept of God's righteousness for us:
But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify: This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished--he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.

Every single person has sinned, and no one deserves God's favor. However, God offers us a free gift of eternal life if we believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus as his Son. For people who believe in Jesus, who repent of their sins, and who surrender control of all things to him; there is hope.If we have faith in Christ, Jesus can stand in our place to take our punishment for us. God sent Jesus to prove that he has the right to judge, to punish, and to forgive.

Where do you stand?
If we believe that God's Word is true and that he is the ultimate judge of all things, then we can move forward in our quest to forgive. On the other hand, if we question God's existence, his righteousness, the truth of his Word, or his right to judge; we may find it impossible to forgive.

Without God, we may hold onto those roadblocks to forgiveness, such as anger, revenge, pride, and hatred. We may see ourselves in the roles as judge, jury, and executioner, rather than merely in the role of forgiver.

Tomorrow, we will look more closely at what the Bible has to say about righteous acts. For now, we simply need to accept that God is righteous, and he is the only one who has the right to give punishment, withhold it, or send a substitute for it.

Today's Challenge
In your journal, write down what you believe about God's righteousness and his role in judging sinners. Do you see God as:

1) a deity of nothing but love who never punishes anyone,
2) a deity of nothing but wrath who has it in for us,
3) a deity who is a combination of love and justice, or
4) a distant deity who doesn't care what happens to us?

Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner

Today, we are scheduled to learn about how hatred prevents us from forgiving as we continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Recent events in my life have really helped me to put into practice an important concept: we can hate the sin that someone carries out to hurt us, but we must still love the sinner.

Matthew 5:43-44 (NIV) reads, "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." This is a very difficult thing to do, and we may not be able to love our enemies as much as God does. But, we must try.

Our family had an opportunity to learn more about this concept yesterday, because we went to court for my father's sentencing in the case of his molesting my daughter. As a family, ten of us felt very united when we went into the courtroom. We had spent the day before together, talking about the upcoming court appearance and praying for God to use it for everyone's good.

Confrontation is never easy.
On the way to the courthouse, my stomach began churning. When we pulled into the parking lot, I felt as if I might vomit. My hands became clammy, and my knees began to shake. As we were walking in, my sister described these same feelings. I felt better, knowing that I was not alone with my fears. Confrontation of this magnitude is never easy, but we knew that the time had come for justice to do its work.

The Enemy wants us to give up.
My father and mother sat down alone on the opposite side of the courtroom. No one in the family spoke to my parents, and there was so much tension in the room, you could have cut it with a knife. Our daughter burst into tears, and we all rallied around her to pray for her strength. Within minutes, the spiritual turmoil abated.

God provides models for us.
As we waited, several other cases were heard. A young woman in an orange prisoner's uniform was brought in by the sheriff's deputy. Her head had been shaved. As she was charged with stealing someone's debit card, she hung her head and listened to the judge's explanation of her sentence. At the end of her hearing, she said that she was really sorry for what she had done. It had hurt her victim, she had lost her children, and she had made a mess of her life with some really bad decisions involving drugs. Through her example, we all saw what appeared to be genuine regret.

A second woman was brought in, also wearing the orange uniform, with purplish hair that streamed past her waist. She had been in trouble many times before. During the short time that she was held in jail, pills had been discovered hidden on her person. Her husband appeared, who also had a history of criminal conduct. She claimed to be innocent, and her husband signed an affadavit to promise repayment of her bond money. By this example, we had a pretty good idea that this woman was not yet capable of accepting responsibility for her actions or changing her behavior.

In spite of the differences in these women's attitudes regarding their crimes, I prayed for them both. I learned later that the rest of the family had been praying for them, too. While we waited, I wondered if my father would exhibit the contrition displayed by the woman with the shaven head or the defensiveness of the one with the long purplish hair.

How do we know if an apology is sincere?
It came time for my father to speak. He turned to all of us. He said he was sorry for what he had done to our daughter. Then he apologized to the family as a whole. He followed his apology with the statement, "I don't know what made me do it." Then he shrugged and gave us all an incredibly stupid look, as if he were clueless and completely free of all responsibility for his actions. In that instant, I knew that his apology meant little. Later, the entire family agreed that 'the shrug' negated every word that our father had spoken.

The enemy will lie to preserve himself.
As the hearing progressed, the defense attorney tried to make the family look guilty by reading a portion of a letter that one of us had written. He told the judge that neither my father nor my mother had spoken any of the statments contained in the letter, in spite of the fact that a court employee had overheard these words a month earlier. This tactic served to drive the family further from believing the sincerity of our father's apology.

Speaking the truth in love is difficult.
We all had the opportunity to tell the judge how my father's actions had hurt our family. Only my ex-husband and my son chose to speak. My ex spoke eloquently about the losses that our daughter experienced as a result of my father's molesting her. At times, tears interfered with his ability to continue. I could see that both the judge and the bailiff felt the pain that we had all endured over the years.

Our courageous son talked about the court's duty to uphold the tenets of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. As a former Marine, he pointed out that my father, a veteran of the Coast Guard, had failed to uphold the same promise our son had made to the military to carry out the laws of our constitution.

Our son also revealed to the court that I had gone to my parents prior to my divorce 13 years ago to tell them that I suspected my daughter had been molested. At that time, my father said absolutely nothing about what he had done and allowed my ex-husband to take the blame for my father's molestation of my daughter. The look on the judge's face as these facts were revealed foretold what was ahead for my father.

There are consequences for our actions.
The judge was wonderful, explaining in great detail how he weighed the evidence to determine the sentence. In my father's favor, the judge considered his age, his claims regarding his remorse, and his recent psychotherapy.

In our daughter's favor, the judge considered the breech of trust created by her grandfather's behavior, her age at the time of the crime, and the fact that my father bypassed opportunities in the past to admit his guilt. Allowing another man to take the blame for his actions caused the judge to reconsider the validity of my father's apology.

My father's sentence turned out to be: 3 years in prison, 5 years of probation afterward, and 25 years as a registered sex offender. In addtion, he was ordered to pay for 5 years of psychotherapy for our daughter. At the conclusion of the hearing, the prosecutor recommended filing a civil suit to acquire additional funding to cover up to 20 years of psychotherapy for our daughter.

We hate the sin, but our hearts break for the sinner.
When the judge ordered my father into the custody of the county jailer, Dad stood to allow the deputy to handcuff him. My niece burst into tears, and the deputy led my father away. I felt such a profound sense of loss, I could not even cry. I felt stunned, trying to understand how it was possible that this man, whom everyone believed to be a warm, loveable teddy bear, was capable of committing such heinous crimes without a hint of genuine remorse.

We hate the sin, and we pray for the ability to love the sinner.
Throughout the hearing, my mother sat alone on the opposite side of the courtroom. No one was willing to talk to her or comfort her. While my father molested children all of his life, my mother had verbally and emotionally abused most of us. We were more terrified of her reaction in court than anything else, and we had prayed for God's protection during the proceedings.

Over the past year, my mother has stuck up for my father, lied for him, villified us, and ignored our needs for understanding and comfort. In her typical fashion when confronted with a crisis, she stuck out her chin and sat ram-rod straight in the courtroom. When the sentence was pronounced, she wiped away a few tears, but otherwise remained stiff-necked. Not one person felt God calling them to go to her to offer comfort.

Oddly, when we left the courtroom, I glanced in the direction where my mother had been sitting. I didn't see her there and was relieved that I would not have to confront her. It was only later that I learned she had never moved from her seat until after we all left. I believe that God made her invisible to me in that moment to protect me.

I hate my father's sin, as well as my mother's. It is actually easier for me to pray for my father than it is for my mother. My father was always easy to love; my mother was not. I recognize this and pray that God will give me the ability to love my mother and merely hate her sins.

Justice brings limited relief.
We all went to lunch together after the hearing to talk about the day's events. Everyone agreed that my ex-husband and our son had tipped the scales in our daughter's favor when it came time for sentencing.

We felt that the judge had been fair and particularly kind, especially when he spoke directly to our daughter. He had reassured her that she bore no guilt for my father's crimes, and that reporting the incidents had taken great courage. He commended our family for the love and support that we all share for our daughter.

But in the end, justice brings only limited relief. We all came away with a burden of grief that felt so heavy, we could barely function. I felt as if we had attended a funeral. Joe said he felt as if he hadn't slept for days. Our daughter told us that she was incredibly sad, because she hated to see her grandpa going off to jail. She hated the sin, but she still loved the sinner.

Thank you for your prayers.
I would like to thank all of you for your prayers yesterday. In spite of the turmoil, I felt strangely peaceful through it all.

Today's Challenge
In your journal, write down the name of your enemy who has hurt you. Write down what action he took to cause you pain. Under his name, write sinner. Under his action, write the word sin. If you are feeling hatred for this person, begin today to understand that Jesus calls us to hate the sin, not the sinner.

Unforgiveness is a Pride Issue

We continue today with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, with a lesson about pride. This is the seventh out of nine roadblocks that we will cover.

Excessive pride is a tell-tale sign of an unforgiving spirit.
When we encounter people who are very prideful, we can quickly seee that they suffer from unforgiveness. If we criticize them, they lash out at us and deny any wrong-doing. They may even turn the tables on us and criticize us.

In my opinion, people with excessive pride have often been deeply wounded in the past by someone they trusted. They have never learned humility, because they are terrified of getting hurt again. By seeing themselves as superior to everyone else, they come to the mistaken conclusion that they are invincible. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Proverbs 16:18 (NIV) reminds us, Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. We can see by this Scripture reference that pride does not make us invincible. In fact, the opposite is true: it makes us vulnerable to destruction.

Pride becomes a wall around a person that does not allow others to get close. It's a very high wall that can even keep God at a distance. The wall must come down before forgiveness can take place.

Prideful people see others as inferior.
When we consider the person who has hurt us, we may often think that we are better than he is. After all, we say in our own defense, he's the one who sinned and needs to be punished. I was just the victim. This kind of thinking gets us into a lot of trouble.

Matthew 7:1-2 reads, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." In other words, when we judge our perpetrators, we put ourselves into a position to receive equal punishment.

Pride harms our health.
We learned in earlier lessons that anger and vengeful thinking can cause increases in our blood pressure, heart rate, cortisol levels, and cholesterol readings. Believing that we are superior to our perpetrators can also damage our health.

Pride harms our relationship with God.
If we are living with a prideful attitude toward someone who has hurt us, we are limiting our spiritual connection to God. There is no room for spiritual growth in a heart that is swelled with pride.

The bottom line about pride is this: it sends the message that we are rejecting God. How can we say that we have a close relationship to God when we refuse to forgive others? How can we love him if we see ourselves as superior to everyone else, including our Maker? As long as pride remains, our spiritual future looks pretty dim.

Luke 5:8(NIV) provides us with an excellent example of humility in the apostle Peter. As it became apparent to him that Jesus was the Son of God, he was terrified. The passage reads, When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” When we discover humility like this, we will find ways to forgive others who hurt us.

We are accountable for our own actions.
I met a man yesterday who believes that revenge is a good thing, because it makes him feel satisfied to know that his perpetrator is suffering. This is clearly sinful behavior, because God calls us to love one another, not to torment our neighbor through harmful thoughts and actions.

While we may feel justified in wanting to harm people who hurt us, we learned yesterday that justice is God's job, not ours. We are responsible for judging ourselves, not our perpetrators. They are going to be held accountable under our man-made laws and under God's laws for the wrongs they have committed. At the same time, we will be held accountable to God for our failure to see ourselves as sinners who are no better than our perpetrators.

We all deserve the death penalty.
Romans 3:23 (NIV) reads, For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. We are all sinners in this world. Not one person has ever been perfect, except for Jesus. If we believe that we are perfect, or even superior to others, we are sinners equal with our perpetrators.

Romans 6:23 (NIV) reminds us, For the wages of sin is death. In other words, we all deserve to die for our sinful actions. But because God loves us so much, he sent Jesus as a one-time sacrifice for everyone's sins (Romans 5:8).

We must judge ourselves first, before God gets the opportunity. Surrendering before him in a spirit of humility and fearful respect is imperative if we want to lose our prideful attitudes and learn to forgive.

Next Tuesday, my father will receive his sentence for just one of several crimes involving children whom he molested. I have thought about how he will feel when the judge tells my father how long he must stay in jail. What if I were standing before that judge? I would be terrified and want someone to take my place, if that were possible.

While my father may not be able to escape the punishment of our judicial system, he can avoid eternal punishment by surrendering himself in humility before Christ. I can do the same by coming to the understanding that I am no better than my father.

Some day, we will both stand before Jesus to be judged. It has taken me a long time to admit this, but I'm no better than my father. My sins are just different. Harboring anger, fears, lack of trust, revenge, pride, and hatred for my father could lead to a death sentence for me. Living with those feelings, in my opinion, is equivalent to hell on earth.

On Monday, we will learn how to remove the pride that hinders our spiritual growth. We will finish out next week with discussions about how hatred and depression stand as roadblocks to forgiveness.

Today's Challenge
Take out your journal. Write God at the top of a clean page. Write the names of everyone who has hurt you below that. Write your name last. Recognize that you are no better than all of the people named above. Our omnipotent God sees everyone clearly through the eyes of love, and he discovers the truth about us by looking into each person's heart.

Overcoming Guilt is Prerequisite to Forgiveness

We learned yesterday that the guilt experienced by sexual abuse survivors stems from the shame we feel about our victimization. Today, we figure out how to give the guilt back to our perpetrators, overcome our embarrassment, and move forward in forgiving the person who hurt us.

There's a difference between guilt and shame.
Guilt is defined as the fact of being responsible for an offense or wrongdoing. Shame, on the other hand, is defined as a painful emotion that is caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace.

If we assign full responsibility to our perpetrators for the guilt, then we can see that the shame we feel stems from our embarrassment, our feelings of unworthiness, and the disgrace caused by the sexual abuse.

Telling people about our sexual abuse makes everyone uncomfortable.
I can tell you from personal experience that talking about sexual abuse does cause tremendous discomfort...for ourselves and for others. However, I believe that shedding light on our shame is a lot like the treatment that doctors use on babies with jaundice (yellowing of the skin). If left in the dark, our shame leaves us with permanent emotional damage, just as a jaundiced baby is at risk of permanent brain damage without sunlight.

When Joe and I told our friends about what had happened to me and others within our family, many of our acquaintances responded with uncomfortable silence. But others, who had experienced similar problems, came alongside us to share their stories of survival.

Yes, some people will see us as broken, weird, or overly open about our pain. I can't tell you how to predict which way people will respond. But I can say that talking about childhood sexual abuse gets easier with each telling.

And the more we tell our story, the more we empower ourselves to move on with our lives. Remember, every time we hide our shame, we give away our power to our perpetrator. He is the one who should be carrying this burden of guilt. So, give it back to him, and the shame will resolve over time.

We fear that reporting family members who abused us will cause rifts.
Many sexual abuse victims do not report their perpetrators to the police, because they do not want to create inner-family turmoil. If you think about it, the family is already in turmoil if an adult is using children for his own sexual gratification. So why not report it?

Reporting creates many positive outcomes. First, it sheds light on the truth about the situation: our perpetrators are guilty of committing crimes, and we need to allow our criminal justice system to deal with the people who wronged us.

It is our job to learn how to feel like a whole person again, and we can't do that if we're carrying a big burden of guilt on our backs. We must give it back to the person who should be hauling it around.

Proverbs 18:5 (NIV) reminds us, It is not good to be partial to the wicked or to deprive the innocent of justice. By remaining silent, we are essentially providing a not-guilty verdict to our perpetrator. We take away the court system's ability to punish him, and we risk depriving other innocent victims of the justice that they deserve.

When I began telling my family members what had happened between my father and me, you can believe that there was plenty of turmoil. My siblings rushed to my parents' aid, offering swift opportunities for repentance and forgiveness. This, of course, blew up in their faces, as I predicted it would.

In time, my siblings came to understand my father's true nature and my mother's desperate attempts to conceal the truth. Today, my siblings stand behind me and every other family victim, determined to see justice carried out.

In the future, my relatives hope that my father will express his regrets for his actions, repent (completely turn around his life), provide restitution to his victims, and do whatever it takes to restore broken relationships. Time will tell whether or not my father is interested in making such monumental changes.

Child molesters are rarely the type of contrite people who buckle under pressure. Few of them ever admit to sexually abusing anyone. If they do, it generally doesn't happen until several victims step forward. When my father began to see that more than one victim was telling the truth, he confessed.

By speaking out, we empower the courts to bring about justice, and we empower other victims to find their voices. A woman told me recently that someone in her family reported their father's sexual abuse. By the time the criminal justice system was finished with their investigation of the case, 70 other victims had come forward.

We are frequently not alone as sole victims when it comes to childhood sexual abuse. We can empower ourselves and others by reporting the crime and letting go of the guilt that doesn't belong to us.

In summary, give back the guilt to your perpetrator. Then find someone trustworthy to talk to about your childhood sexual abuse. Doing so will ease your shame and remove the guilt--the fourth roadblock to your journey toward forgiveness. Tomorrow, we will continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness.

Today's Challenge
Look up the definitions of the words guilt and shame in a dictionary. Try to sort out the difference between the two in relationship to the abuse you have experienced. Can you now see that you were not guilty?

In your journal, write down how you feel about the abuse you experienced. If you were too embarrassed to speak up, put that onto paper. If you were afraid that telling the truth would cause divisions in your family, write it down. Then, write down everything positive that could happen if you told the truth to someone that you trust. Write down the names of three people that you can tell. If you feel completely alone in this, write down my name and send me your anonymous comments.