Dissociation may occur during abuse or trauma. When our world gets turned upside down, and we feel that we may crack if things get any worse, we dissociate ourselves from the moment. For example, during sexual assault, we may separate our thoughts from our bodies. We take ourselves mentally to another place so that we don't feel the physical and emotional pain of the moment.
We may later use dissociation to block out the memories of painful events or to numb our feelings long after the traumatic event is over. Dissociation protected our minds when we were trying to live with horrific circumstances. However, if we continue to use it as a means to forget the trauma or to avoid the strong feelings connected to the event, we may never recover.
Dissociation takes many forms. We may numb ourselves to all emotions or keep our distance from most people. Or we may dissociate from our feelings and memories by becoming hyper-involved in some activity.
We may over-work, talk incessantly, clean the house constantly, or jump into one volunteer activity after another. Remaining engaged perpetually in something that requires intense concentration prevents us from thinking about the pain of our past. It also leaves us feeling so physically and mentally exhausted that we can't work on recovery.
As a teacher, many of my students who were diagnosed with ADHD were experiencing abuse at home. All three of my children were misdiagnosed with ADHD, when, in fact, they were suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of abuse. PTSD symptoms look an awful lot like the ones associated with ADHD.
Do you consider yourself inattentive or hyperactive? Is it possible that these are symptoms of the dissociation which is common in survivors with PTSD? What memories or feelings might you be avoiding? If you think you may be dissociating months or years after a trauma, find a qualifed therapist to help you learn how to safely get back in touch with your feelings and memories.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him...Psalm 37:7a
Showing posts with label survivors of abuse and trauma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label survivors of abuse and trauma. Show all posts
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Are You Lonely?
Trauma survivors often feel lonely, even when surrounded by people. We frequently feel alienated, angry, or suspicious of others. Avoiding relationships is often the only way we know how to repress the triggers that might lead to rage, depression, or hopelessness. Many of us believe that our trauma shows, even though there are no outward signs of it.
I avoided social situations for decades, because I didn't know how to relate to others who hadn't experienced abuse or trauma. What would I talk about? I was so busy protecting myself from further abuse that I couldn't possibly read the newspaper or keep up with current trends.
I was afraid that if I did open my mouth, I would say something that would make others uncomfortable. When I did share some of my experiences with them, they looked horrified and then either edged away from me or took pity on me. Both reactions were devastating.
I got to the point where I was terrified of what might come out of my own mouth. If I did say something, even something appropriate, I instantly felt like fleeing from the room.
Watching others talking and laughing often made me feel as if I were standing on the outside of life, looking in. I wanted to participate, but I didn't know how. Their laughter often served as a trigger to remind me that when the social hour ended, I would have to go back to a world they would never understand.
I know now that it's important for survivors of abuse and trauma to talk to someone they trust. Doing so helps to relieve us of the burden of shame and sense of alienation that we've been carrying around for so long. When we've released some of our pain, we make room in our souls for something better.
Most of us will probably never be as sociable as we were before our trauma. Forcing ourselves to mingle in crowds where we feel panic, rage, suspicion, or depression only sets us back in our recovery process. So, we have to figure out how much interaction we can tolerate, and then engage in relationships where we feel safe.
God blessed me with a loving husband who always tries to make me feel safe. He's not always successful, but it's rarely his fault. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, PTSD rears up its ugly head to bite us again.
With Joe's help and the love of a few close friends, I have slowly progressed from feeling terrified in a room full of people to feeling in control of my emotions. When I start getting overwhelmed, I politely excuse myself. If I feel at ease, I thank God for bringing me into this inner circle that feels like family should have.
God sets the lonely in families,
he leads forth the prisoners with singing.
--Psalm 68:6a (NIV)
I avoided social situations for decades, because I didn't know how to relate to others who hadn't experienced abuse or trauma. What would I talk about? I was so busy protecting myself from further abuse that I couldn't possibly read the newspaper or keep up with current trends.
I was afraid that if I did open my mouth, I would say something that would make others uncomfortable. When I did share some of my experiences with them, they looked horrified and then either edged away from me or took pity on me. Both reactions were devastating.
I got to the point where I was terrified of what might come out of my own mouth. If I did say something, even something appropriate, I instantly felt like fleeing from the room.
Watching others talking and laughing often made me feel as if I were standing on the outside of life, looking in. I wanted to participate, but I didn't know how. Their laughter often served as a trigger to remind me that when the social hour ended, I would have to go back to a world they would never understand.
I know now that it's important for survivors of abuse and trauma to talk to someone they trust. Doing so helps to relieve us of the burden of shame and sense of alienation that we've been carrying around for so long. When we've released some of our pain, we make room in our souls for something better.
Most of us will probably never be as sociable as we were before our trauma. Forcing ourselves to mingle in crowds where we feel panic, rage, suspicion, or depression only sets us back in our recovery process. So, we have to figure out how much interaction we can tolerate, and then engage in relationships where we feel safe.
God blessed me with a loving husband who always tries to make me feel safe. He's not always successful, but it's rarely his fault. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, PTSD rears up its ugly head to bite us again.
With Joe's help and the love of a few close friends, I have slowly progressed from feeling terrified in a room full of people to feeling in control of my emotions. When I start getting overwhelmed, I politely excuse myself. If I feel at ease, I thank God for bringing me into this inner circle that feels like family should have.
God sets the lonely in families,
he leads forth the prisoners with singing.
--Psalm 68:6a (NIV)
Friday, July 29, 2011
Self-Imposed Solitary Confinement Kills Confidence
We continue today with my series, Confident in God's Hands. As survivors of abuse and trauma, we frequently create a form of self-imposed solitary confinement. Social anxiety can make us so fearful or uncomfortable that we barricade ourselves in our homes for days, weeks, months, or even years at a time. This is a sure-fire way to slowly drive ourselves crazy.
Research shows that we need other people.
Researchers found in 2009 that one's social environment can modify the biology of breast cancer and lead to significant differences in outcome. Female mice stressed because they were separated from their mothers developed more and larger mammary gland tumours than more contented animals. (The University of Chicago study appears in the Journal for Cancer Prevention Research.)
Researcher S. Grassian studied the effects of solitary confinement on prison inmates. He described psychiatric symptoms that appeared in 14 inmates exposed to periods of increased social isolation and sensory restriction in solitary confinement. The author asserts that these symptoms form a major, clinically distinguishable psychiatric syndrome. (Am J Psychiatry 1983; 140:1450-1454)
Psychologist Craig Haney of the University of California, Santa Cruz, is an expert on long-term solitary confinement. He explained why solitary confinement is typically used in prisons.
He said, "It’s a very painful experience. People experience isolation panic. They have a difficult time psychologically coping with the experience of being completely alone."
"In addition," he said, "solitary confinement imposes conditions of social and perceptual stimulus deprivation. Often it’s the deprivation of activity, the deprivation of cognitive stimulation, that some people find to be painful and frightening."
"Some of them lose their grasp of their identity. Who we are, and how we function in the world around us, is very much nested in our relation to other people. Over a long period of time, solitary confinement undermines one’s sense of self. It undermines your ability to register and regulate emotion. The appropriateness of what you’re thinking and feeling is difficult to index, because we’re so dependent on contact with others for that feedback. And for some people, it becomes a struggle to maintain sanity."
Go out into the world every day and talk to at least one person.
The social isolation that often results from abuse or trauma can be disabling. We must fight this downward spiral into depression and ever-greater anxiety by going out into the world every single day to find someone to talk to.
Talking on the phone, texting, and emailing don't count as much as real, one-on-one interactions with others. We need to be around other people, because it helps us to measure how we are doing. Social interaction helps us to monitor and adjust our behavior. It gives us confidence, because other people validate who we are and why we're here.
We're a lot like dogs in a pack.
My poodle, Zibby, is frequently as isolated as I am. She doesn't get very many opportunities to go out into the world, particularly when MS slows me down. When she was a puppy, our trainer told us that it was imperative for Zibby to meet at least 5 new people every week if we wanted her to become socially mature.
For the past several months, I've been so busy, Zibby has had to stay at home more often than she or I would like her to. After a number of days of isolation, I took Zibby to a friend's house. My poor dog went completely bonkers. She raced around the living room like an Indy driver, banking off of the sofa and barking her head off. My friend's dog just sat on the sofa, staring at my insane little dog.
Without other dogs to help her self-monitor her behavior, Zibby is having a difficult time learning how to adjust her emotions. We're not much different. Like dogs who learn best in a pack, we thrive when we can mirror others' behaviors. We learn how to adjust ourselves by checking in with other people.
God designed us to live in community with others.
After God made Adam, he said, "It's not good for the Man to be alone; I'll make him a helper, a companion." (Gen 2:18 MSG) Even though Adam had the companionship of every animal God had created, he was still lonely.
Like Adam, it is not good for us to be alone. My dog may provide me with some companionship, but she is certainly no subsitute for the company of other people.
If we find ourselves isolated from others as a result of our home's location, our work environment, or our own self-imposed prison of loneliness, we must make changes as soon as possible. If, for some reason, we can't get out of our house, we need to make sure that someone visits us regularly.
As we can see by the research above, social isolation leads to a documented form of mental illness. Unless we take steps to interact with other human beings daily, we are at high risk of losing our sanity. And there's no better way to destroy our confidence than to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world.
Today's Challenge
Have you been isolating yourself because it is so painful for you to go out into the world? The longer this goes on, the harder it becomes to change. Open the door today and step out into the world. Find someone, anyone, to say hello to. Do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. If you want to thrive and restore your confidence, you need other people to help you self-monitor and adjust.
Research shows that we need other people.
Researchers found in 2009 that one's social environment can modify the biology of breast cancer and lead to significant differences in outcome. Female mice stressed because they were separated from their mothers developed more and larger mammary gland tumours than more contented animals. (The University of Chicago study appears in the Journal for Cancer Prevention Research.)
Researcher S. Grassian studied the effects of solitary confinement on prison inmates. He described psychiatric symptoms that appeared in 14 inmates exposed to periods of increased social isolation and sensory restriction in solitary confinement. The author asserts that these symptoms form a major, clinically distinguishable psychiatric syndrome. (Am J Psychiatry 1983; 140:1450-1454)
Psychologist Craig Haney of the University of California, Santa Cruz, is an expert on long-term solitary confinement. He explained why solitary confinement is typically used in prisons.
He said, "It’s a very painful experience. People experience isolation panic. They have a difficult time psychologically coping with the experience of being completely alone."
"In addition," he said, "solitary confinement imposes conditions of social and perceptual stimulus deprivation. Often it’s the deprivation of activity, the deprivation of cognitive stimulation, that some people find to be painful and frightening."
"Some of them lose their grasp of their identity. Who we are, and how we function in the world around us, is very much nested in our relation to other people. Over a long period of time, solitary confinement undermines one’s sense of self. It undermines your ability to register and regulate emotion. The appropriateness of what you’re thinking and feeling is difficult to index, because we’re so dependent on contact with others for that feedback. And for some people, it becomes a struggle to maintain sanity."
Go out into the world every day and talk to at least one person.
The social isolation that often results from abuse or trauma can be disabling. We must fight this downward spiral into depression and ever-greater anxiety by going out into the world every single day to find someone to talk to.
Talking on the phone, texting, and emailing don't count as much as real, one-on-one interactions with others. We need to be around other people, because it helps us to measure how we are doing. Social interaction helps us to monitor and adjust our behavior. It gives us confidence, because other people validate who we are and why we're here.
We're a lot like dogs in a pack.
My poodle, Zibby, is frequently as isolated as I am. She doesn't get very many opportunities to go out into the world, particularly when MS slows me down. When she was a puppy, our trainer told us that it was imperative for Zibby to meet at least 5 new people every week if we wanted her to become socially mature.
For the past several months, I've been so busy, Zibby has had to stay at home more often than she or I would like her to. After a number of days of isolation, I took Zibby to a friend's house. My poor dog went completely bonkers. She raced around the living room like an Indy driver, banking off of the sofa and barking her head off. My friend's dog just sat on the sofa, staring at my insane little dog.
Without other dogs to help her self-monitor her behavior, Zibby is having a difficult time learning how to adjust her emotions. We're not much different. Like dogs who learn best in a pack, we thrive when we can mirror others' behaviors. We learn how to adjust ourselves by checking in with other people.
God designed us to live in community with others.
After God made Adam, he said, "It's not good for the Man to be alone; I'll make him a helper, a companion." (Gen 2:18 MSG) Even though Adam had the companionship of every animal God had created, he was still lonely.
Like Adam, it is not good for us to be alone. My dog may provide me with some companionship, but she is certainly no subsitute for the company of other people.
If we find ourselves isolated from others as a result of our home's location, our work environment, or our own self-imposed prison of loneliness, we must make changes as soon as possible. If, for some reason, we can't get out of our house, we need to make sure that someone visits us regularly.
As we can see by the research above, social isolation leads to a documented form of mental illness. Unless we take steps to interact with other human beings daily, we are at high risk of losing our sanity. And there's no better way to destroy our confidence than to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world.
Today's Challenge
Have you been isolating yourself because it is so painful for you to go out into the world? The longer this goes on, the harder it becomes to change. Open the door today and step out into the world. Find someone, anyone, to say hello to. Do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. If you want to thrive and restore your confidence, you need other people to help you self-monitor and adjust.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Shake Off Old Labels
We continue with my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, we take a look at labels and how they shape our actions.
What labels have been stuck on you?
For many of us, abuse has been an undercurrent throughout our lives. It may have begun at home, where unkind words, harsh punishment, or sexual molestation left us feeling frightened and powerless. When we went out into the world with our insecurities, the bullies around us picked up on our weaknesses and stuck labels on us.
We all know about labels. Kids are pros at looking at a person, sizing her up in a heartbeat, and giving her a label. Over the years, labels stuck to me, almost as perceptible as sticky notes clinging annoyingly to my skin. I was called skinny, monkey, four-eyes, buck-tooth beaver, pizza face, goody two-shoes, prude, and many other unkind names. Eventually, I felt as if I were wearing a sign on my back that read, "Abuse me. I'm an easy target."
With all of those names attached to my soul, it was difficult to develop much courage. Many of us go through our entire lives, acting as if those old labels accurately describe us.
God has labeled us as beautiful, peaceful, joyful, patient, kind, gentle, faithful, and good. It's time to start believing in his labels and forget about the inaccurate, ridiculous, unkind ones of our childhood. We must consciously identify what our old labels are, rip them off, and replace them with better ones.
Label yourself like Jesus.
The apostle Paul tried to encourage the people of Corinth to look at themselves and the labels they were wearing. He urged them to throw them out and label themselves Christ-like.
Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain—his Spirit—where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves—labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free—are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive. (I Corinthians 12:12 MSG)
We must take a long, hard look at the labels we've been operating under all of our lives. It's imperative that we give up acting as if we are those things that have been pasted to our personalities. We aren't victims, losers, clumsy oxen, bad children, or anything else ugly that has been attached to us.
We are free in Christ to label ourselves something beautiful and strong. What words would you use to describe the real you?
Today's Challenge
Identify inaccurate labels which have been clinging to you for years. Shake them off and put on a new label as a member of the body of Christ which has been refreshed in his Spirit.
What labels have been stuck on you?
For many of us, abuse has been an undercurrent throughout our lives. It may have begun at home, where unkind words, harsh punishment, or sexual molestation left us feeling frightened and powerless. When we went out into the world with our insecurities, the bullies around us picked up on our weaknesses and stuck labels on us.
We all know about labels. Kids are pros at looking at a person, sizing her up in a heartbeat, and giving her a label. Over the years, labels stuck to me, almost as perceptible as sticky notes clinging annoyingly to my skin. I was called skinny, monkey, four-eyes, buck-tooth beaver, pizza face, goody two-shoes, prude, and many other unkind names. Eventually, I felt as if I were wearing a sign on my back that read, "Abuse me. I'm an easy target."
With all of those names attached to my soul, it was difficult to develop much courage. Many of us go through our entire lives, acting as if those old labels accurately describe us.
God has labeled us as beautiful, peaceful, joyful, patient, kind, gentle, faithful, and good. It's time to start believing in his labels and forget about the inaccurate, ridiculous, unkind ones of our childhood. We must consciously identify what our old labels are, rip them off, and replace them with better ones.
Label yourself like Jesus.
The apostle Paul tried to encourage the people of Corinth to look at themselves and the labels they were wearing. He urged them to throw them out and label themselves Christ-like.
Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain—his Spirit—where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves—labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free—are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive. (I Corinthians 12:12 MSG)
We must take a long, hard look at the labels we've been operating under all of our lives. It's imperative that we give up acting as if we are those things that have been pasted to our personalities. We aren't victims, losers, clumsy oxen, bad children, or anything else ugly that has been attached to us.
We are free in Christ to label ourselves something beautiful and strong. What words would you use to describe the real you?
Today's Challenge
Identify inaccurate labels which have been clinging to you for years. Shake them off and put on a new label as a member of the body of Christ which has been refreshed in his Spirit.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Listen to Your Heart
We're learning how kick aside insecurities during my series, Confident in God's Hands. I believe that to be truly confident, we must follow God's leading for our lives. When we listen to our hearts, we find more successful outcomes than if we follow paths that the world believes we should.
Your money or your life!
All my life, I have wanted to be a writer. At times, it doesn't pay well. Truthfully, it often pays nothing, other than the satisfaction of knowing that I've crafted something beautiful.
Whenever I allow money woes to take precedence over the dream God has planted in my heart, I hit a wall. My efforts end in frustration, and they frequently cost me more time, money, and aggravation than they're worth.
On the other hand, when I'm in agreement with God's plans for my life, things just seem to fall into place. For instance, I've been asking God to help me figure out how to market, manage, and pay for the distribution of my upcoming novel. Out of the blue, a very old friend offered to handle the distribution of the book at no cost to me!
Usually, our worries about making a living by following our heart's desire are based on our lack of trust in God. When we let anxieties hold us back from our dreams, our confidence takes a hit. Why? Because confidence can only grow with successes. Every time we set aside our dreams, we're setting ourselves up to feel like losers, because we never arrive where we know we should be.
If God has given us a job to do, surely he'll provide what we need along the way! We must trust him to make our dreams come true, and in the process, our confidence will grow.
Go back to Start
When playing board games, we frequently land on a space that directs us to go back to the place where we started. We usually see this as a setback, but when it comes to following our dreams and gaining confidence along the way, returning to our beginnings can put us on the fast-track to success.
King Solomon had a dream of ruling God's people. When God asked Solomon what blessing he might give him, Solomon asked for wisdom and knowledge to lead God's people.
God said to Solomon, "Since this is your heart's desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, riches and honor, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have." (2 Chronicles 1:11-12 NIV)
We can see from the passage above that God showers his people with blessings when they follow their heart's desire. Blessings beyond our wildest dreams usually follow when we take our focus off of money and put it back on God's plan for us. Solomon became the wealthiest, most highly respected man of all time, because his dream honored God.
If we return to the beginning of our dreams, can we say that God put them in our hearts? Or have we been wishing for something outside of his will for us? We must choose wisely, as Solomon did, when asking God to bless our efforts. If we don't seem to be making any headway, perhaps it's time to go back and start over. Maybe we need to examine our heart's desire and make sure that God planted it there in the first place.
Today's Challenge
What has always been your heart's desire? If you haven't achieved it, take time today to pray about it. Ask God to show you whether or not that dream was his or something the world told you to do. If you feel certain that your dream and God's plans are in alignment, follow that path to success and greater confidence. If you determine that you're on the wrong path, ask God to send you back to start over on a dream that will honor him.
Your money or your life!
All my life, I have wanted to be a writer. At times, it doesn't pay well. Truthfully, it often pays nothing, other than the satisfaction of knowing that I've crafted something beautiful.
Whenever I allow money woes to take precedence over the dream God has planted in my heart, I hit a wall. My efforts end in frustration, and they frequently cost me more time, money, and aggravation than they're worth.
On the other hand, when I'm in agreement with God's plans for my life, things just seem to fall into place. For instance, I've been asking God to help me figure out how to market, manage, and pay for the distribution of my upcoming novel. Out of the blue, a very old friend offered to handle the distribution of the book at no cost to me!
Usually, our worries about making a living by following our heart's desire are based on our lack of trust in God. When we let anxieties hold us back from our dreams, our confidence takes a hit. Why? Because confidence can only grow with successes. Every time we set aside our dreams, we're setting ourselves up to feel like losers, because we never arrive where we know we should be.
If God has given us a job to do, surely he'll provide what we need along the way! We must trust him to make our dreams come true, and in the process, our confidence will grow.
Go back to Start
When playing board games, we frequently land on a space that directs us to go back to the place where we started. We usually see this as a setback, but when it comes to following our dreams and gaining confidence along the way, returning to our beginnings can put us on the fast-track to success.
King Solomon had a dream of ruling God's people. When God asked Solomon what blessing he might give him, Solomon asked for wisdom and knowledge to lead God's people.
God said to Solomon, "Since this is your heart's desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, riches and honor, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have." (2 Chronicles 1:11-12 NIV)
We can see from the passage above that God showers his people with blessings when they follow their heart's desire. Blessings beyond our wildest dreams usually follow when we take our focus off of money and put it back on God's plan for us. Solomon became the wealthiest, most highly respected man of all time, because his dream honored God.
If we return to the beginning of our dreams, can we say that God put them in our hearts? Or have we been wishing for something outside of his will for us? We must choose wisely, as Solomon did, when asking God to bless our efforts. If we don't seem to be making any headway, perhaps it's time to go back and start over. Maybe we need to examine our heart's desire and make sure that God planted it there in the first place.
Today's Challenge
What has always been your heart's desire? If you haven't achieved it, take time today to pray about it. Ask God to show you whether or not that dream was his or something the world told you to do. If you feel certain that your dream and God's plans are in alignment, follow that path to success and greater confidence. If you determine that you're on the wrong path, ask God to send you back to start over on a dream that will honor him.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Hone Your Skills
We've been looking at intellectual growth this week during my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I'd like to address the importance of perfecting the skills we have learned.
Don't waste your time on education.
We often get excited about learning something new, so we sign up for a class. For the first days or weeks, we are highly motivated, and we try our best to understand all that is new. This is because learning a new skill gives us a rush, as would a new relationship, a new adventure, or a new addiction.
Then, the newness wears off, and our interest begins to fade. We discover that it's hard to learn, and many of us give up shortly after our high-energy beginnings. We quickly come to regret the time and money we've expended on our dream. When we quickly give up, we've wasted our our time on education.
Dedicate yourself to success.
Learning requires discpline, perseverance, and the ability to keep our eyes focused on the end goal. If we want to learn to play the piano, for example, we must start by imagining ourselves successfully playing. Then, we have to sign up for lessons and practice, practice, practice.
I began taking piano lessons when I was four years old. It was my mother's idea, so my motivation to practice was not very strong. For a number of years, I took lessons, but I rarely touched the keys when my teacher wasn't around. Others told me that my goal should be to memorize a piece to play in a recital. I really preferred playing outside to practicing. Their dream was not mine.
And then something changed. I discovered a type of music known as boogie-woogie, and my level of interest shot upward. There was something about the syncopated rhythms and bouncy melodies that motivated me to get it right. I began practicing without worrying about how much time I spent at he keyboard. Suddenly, I had a dream. I wanted to play this music for others, so that they could feel the joy that I did through the tunes.
After a number of years, I discovered that I was spending all of my free time at the piano. At one point, I was playing four hours a day. I began signing up for competitions and easily won a number of prizes and medals. When we devote that much time to any one pursuit, it stands to reason that we'll improve.
Find a mentor to achieve a break-through.
Eventually, we'll hit a plateau in our learning. We'll reach a point where further growth can only come with new input. For me, it meant finding a professor at a local university who taught me how to play jazz improvization.
The early years of studying boring piano theory, practicing scales, and pulling out my hair over the classics finally paid off. I had the basic knowledge to understand how to write and play my own music. Suddenly, I achieved a break-through. I found myself jamming with a group of jazz musicians, shifting with ease from one chord progression to the next.
I was no longer anxious about the curve of my fingers on the keys, the phrasing, or hitting a wrong note in a well-recognized tune. Jazz improv was freeing, and I felt as if my soul, the music, and the other musicians were all one being. Nothing boosts our confidence like achieving more than we have dreamed was possible.
God wants us to dream and take action.
When God puts a dream in our hearts, he wants us to focus on it and see it through his eyes. Philippians 4:8 (NIV) reminds us, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
When we imagine outcomes that are excellent, we've taken the first step in achieving our dreams. But our dreams must be accompanied by actions if we want to achieve success and build confidence.
While I could imagine myself playing in a recital, I was never going to see it become a reality unless I applied myself to learning how to play the piano. It took teachers, lessons, grueling hours of practice, listening to music, reaching out to other musicians, and the ability to think outside the box to truly excel.
James 1:12 (NIV) tells about the importance of sticking with something to the very end: Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James was talking about persevering in holding fast to our faith so that we can find our way to heaven, even when others try to tell us that we're wrong, crazy, or stupid.
But James' words can also be applied to any dream that God puts in our hearts. We must believe in our dreams, believe in the God who placed them in our souls, and believe in our ability to succeed. Adding sustained action to our dreams will inevitably help us to achieve what we want. And increased confidence inevitably follows on the heels of success.
Today's Challenge
Do you have a dream that you've never fulfilled? Did you give up when your interest waned or when the road became too difficult for you? Perhaps you gave up, because you realized the dream was not a part of God's plan for you. It's okay to let go when you've understood that you went the wrong way. Look back over your life and try to see where you have succeeded because you persevered. Can you apply that same persistence to learn something difficult and fulfill your God-driven dreams?
Don't waste your time on education.
We often get excited about learning something new, so we sign up for a class. For the first days or weeks, we are highly motivated, and we try our best to understand all that is new. This is because learning a new skill gives us a rush, as would a new relationship, a new adventure, or a new addiction.
Then, the newness wears off, and our interest begins to fade. We discover that it's hard to learn, and many of us give up shortly after our high-energy beginnings. We quickly come to regret the time and money we've expended on our dream. When we quickly give up, we've wasted our our time on education.
Dedicate yourself to success.
Learning requires discpline, perseverance, and the ability to keep our eyes focused on the end goal. If we want to learn to play the piano, for example, we must start by imagining ourselves successfully playing. Then, we have to sign up for lessons and practice, practice, practice.
I began taking piano lessons when I was four years old. It was my mother's idea, so my motivation to practice was not very strong. For a number of years, I took lessons, but I rarely touched the keys when my teacher wasn't around. Others told me that my goal should be to memorize a piece to play in a recital. I really preferred playing outside to practicing. Their dream was not mine.
And then something changed. I discovered a type of music known as boogie-woogie, and my level of interest shot upward. There was something about the syncopated rhythms and bouncy melodies that motivated me to get it right. I began practicing without worrying about how much time I spent at he keyboard. Suddenly, I had a dream. I wanted to play this music for others, so that they could feel the joy that I did through the tunes.
After a number of years, I discovered that I was spending all of my free time at the piano. At one point, I was playing four hours a day. I began signing up for competitions and easily won a number of prizes and medals. When we devote that much time to any one pursuit, it stands to reason that we'll improve.
Find a mentor to achieve a break-through.
Eventually, we'll hit a plateau in our learning. We'll reach a point where further growth can only come with new input. For me, it meant finding a professor at a local university who taught me how to play jazz improvization.
The early years of studying boring piano theory, practicing scales, and pulling out my hair over the classics finally paid off. I had the basic knowledge to understand how to write and play my own music. Suddenly, I achieved a break-through. I found myself jamming with a group of jazz musicians, shifting with ease from one chord progression to the next.
I was no longer anxious about the curve of my fingers on the keys, the phrasing, or hitting a wrong note in a well-recognized tune. Jazz improv was freeing, and I felt as if my soul, the music, and the other musicians were all one being. Nothing boosts our confidence like achieving more than we have dreamed was possible.
God wants us to dream and take action.
When God puts a dream in our hearts, he wants us to focus on it and see it through his eyes. Philippians 4:8 (NIV) reminds us, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
When we imagine outcomes that are excellent, we've taken the first step in achieving our dreams. But our dreams must be accompanied by actions if we want to achieve success and build confidence.
While I could imagine myself playing in a recital, I was never going to see it become a reality unless I applied myself to learning how to play the piano. It took teachers, lessons, grueling hours of practice, listening to music, reaching out to other musicians, and the ability to think outside the box to truly excel.
James 1:12 (NIV) tells about the importance of sticking with something to the very end: Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James was talking about persevering in holding fast to our faith so that we can find our way to heaven, even when others try to tell us that we're wrong, crazy, or stupid.
But James' words can also be applied to any dream that God puts in our hearts. We must believe in our dreams, believe in the God who placed them in our souls, and believe in our ability to succeed. Adding sustained action to our dreams will inevitably help us to achieve what we want. And increased confidence inevitably follows on the heels of success.
Today's Challenge
Do you have a dream that you've never fulfilled? Did you give up when your interest waned or when the road became too difficult for you? Perhaps you gave up, because you realized the dream was not a part of God's plan for you. It's okay to let go when you've understood that you went the wrong way. Look back over your life and try to see where you have succeeded because you persevered. Can you apply that same persistence to learn something difficult and fulfill your God-driven dreams?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Feed Your Mind to Increase Confidence
My series, Confident in God's Hands, is designed to help readers increase their self-esteem. So many of us who have experienced abuse or trauma suffer from a complete lack of confidence. Today, I'd like to address the importance of feeding our minds.
Is your mind fully functional?
Have you ever been awakened by the phone ringing in the middle of the night? You slowly come to a state of semi-consciousness and punch the button on your alarm. The ringing continues. You realize that it's the phone, not the alarm, and you fumble around in the dark to pick it up. You manage in a gravelly voice, "He..ll...o," followed by a deep sigh.
If we find ourselves slogging through our days with this feeling of still being half-asleep, it's time to wake up our minds. Here are some tips for feeding our brains to boost self-esteem:
Get plenty of rest.
No one can think straight without sleep. Many people believe they can get by with 6 hours, but researchers have found that most of us need 7 to 9 hours every night. Going to bed at the same time and waking up at the same time each day improves our mental alertness.
Eat nutritious foods.
Limit sugar and starches, which make us feel foggy. A diet high in protein and heavy on vegetables provides us with a clearer head and less fatigue throughout the day. A high-protein, low-carb breakfast gives us the mental boost and the confidence we need to start our day off right.
Get adequate exercise.
If we've been couch potatoes for years, we should start out with 10 minutes of stretching, yoga, or gentle walking. Even this minimal amount of movement increases blood flow to the brain. We can work up to 30-60 minutes of exercise daily to keep our minds sharp and our confidence levels high.
Turn off the TV.
As a teacher, I could tell which of my students spent an inordinate amount of time in front of their TV sets. They were slow to respond to questions, couldn't think creatively, and suffered from low self-esteem.
Television viewing is a passive form of mental work, meaning that we simply take in information without having to put in much thought. It dulls our minds so that we lose confidence in our abilities when we turn off the set and try to interact with others.
Pick up a good book.
Unlike TV viewing, reading forces us to use our minds in many creative ways. As we scan the words on the page, our minds form pictures in our heads of how the characters look, what the setting is like, and what all of the thousands of details must be. Reading is a great confidence booster, because it increases our vocabulary, teaches us about new places, and provides opportunities to learn about other people.
Skip the tabloid newspapers and magazines.
Reading the gossipy junk in tabloid newspapers and magazines is, in my opinion, a complete waste of mental power. They are written at a sixth-grade reading level and report all kinds of depressing news. If I look at them, I feel awful afterward. I realize that I've wasted a reading opportunity, and thinking about all those divorces, drug overdoses, and relationship issues drains my confidence. Who could possibly feel refreshed or more confident after reading about so much gloom and doom?
If you want to know what's going on in the world, pick up The New York Times or The Wall Street Journal. If you don't have access to them, subscribe online. The National Geographic magazine is full of interesting articles and photographs that will expand your horizons and increase your confidence. Learning about unusual animals and people from other cultures gives us something to talk about when we meet others. And being able to interact with some degree of intelligence boosts our confidence.
Read the Bible.
The Bible is God's living, breathing Word, which brings us refreshment, enlightenment, encouragement, love, and hope each time we pick it up. If we are facing hardships, the Holy Spirit leads us to messages about God's ability to provide for us. When we've reached a success point, the Word gives us plenty of opportunities to praise God for it. If we read the Bible daily, we discover that our confidence increases. There is no problem that is too big for God to handle. We can go out into the world with our heads held high, knowing that the Almighty Creator of the Universe is walking ahead of us.
Romans 12:2a (NIV) tells us about the importance of focusing on God, and not on the tragedies that we find on the TV set or in junk newspapers. It reads, Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Our minds can be renewed each time we open the Bible. And with the renewal of our minds, confidence grows.
Today's Challenge
Choose two things from the tips above to feed your mind. For the next week, write down how those two changes are improving your confidence.
Is your mind fully functional?
Have you ever been awakened by the phone ringing in the middle of the night? You slowly come to a state of semi-consciousness and punch the button on your alarm. The ringing continues. You realize that it's the phone, not the alarm, and you fumble around in the dark to pick it up. You manage in a gravelly voice, "He..ll...o," followed by a deep sigh.
If we find ourselves slogging through our days with this feeling of still being half-asleep, it's time to wake up our minds. Here are some tips for feeding our brains to boost self-esteem:
Get plenty of rest.
No one can think straight without sleep. Many people believe they can get by with 6 hours, but researchers have found that most of us need 7 to 9 hours every night. Going to bed at the same time and waking up at the same time each day improves our mental alertness.
Eat nutritious foods.
Limit sugar and starches, which make us feel foggy. A diet high in protein and heavy on vegetables provides us with a clearer head and less fatigue throughout the day. A high-protein, low-carb breakfast gives us the mental boost and the confidence we need to start our day off right.
Get adequate exercise.
If we've been couch potatoes for years, we should start out with 10 minutes of stretching, yoga, or gentle walking. Even this minimal amount of movement increases blood flow to the brain. We can work up to 30-60 minutes of exercise daily to keep our minds sharp and our confidence levels high.
Turn off the TV.
As a teacher, I could tell which of my students spent an inordinate amount of time in front of their TV sets. They were slow to respond to questions, couldn't think creatively, and suffered from low self-esteem.
Television viewing is a passive form of mental work, meaning that we simply take in information without having to put in much thought. It dulls our minds so that we lose confidence in our abilities when we turn off the set and try to interact with others.
Pick up a good book.
Unlike TV viewing, reading forces us to use our minds in many creative ways. As we scan the words on the page, our minds form pictures in our heads of how the characters look, what the setting is like, and what all of the thousands of details must be. Reading is a great confidence booster, because it increases our vocabulary, teaches us about new places, and provides opportunities to learn about other people.
Skip the tabloid newspapers and magazines.
Reading the gossipy junk in tabloid newspapers and magazines is, in my opinion, a complete waste of mental power. They are written at a sixth-grade reading level and report all kinds of depressing news. If I look at them, I feel awful afterward. I realize that I've wasted a reading opportunity, and thinking about all those divorces, drug overdoses, and relationship issues drains my confidence. Who could possibly feel refreshed or more confident after reading about so much gloom and doom?
If you want to know what's going on in the world, pick up The New York Times or The Wall Street Journal. If you don't have access to them, subscribe online. The National Geographic magazine is full of interesting articles and photographs that will expand your horizons and increase your confidence. Learning about unusual animals and people from other cultures gives us something to talk about when we meet others. And being able to interact with some degree of intelligence boosts our confidence.
Read the Bible.
The Bible is God's living, breathing Word, which brings us refreshment, enlightenment, encouragement, love, and hope each time we pick it up. If we are facing hardships, the Holy Spirit leads us to messages about God's ability to provide for us. When we've reached a success point, the Word gives us plenty of opportunities to praise God for it. If we read the Bible daily, we discover that our confidence increases. There is no problem that is too big for God to handle. We can go out into the world with our heads held high, knowing that the Almighty Creator of the Universe is walking ahead of us.
Romans 12:2a (NIV) tells us about the importance of focusing on God, and not on the tragedies that we find on the TV set or in junk newspapers. It reads, Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Our minds can be renewed each time we open the Bible. And with the renewal of our minds, confidence grows.
Today's Challenge
Choose two things from the tips above to feed your mind. For the next week, write down how those two changes are improving your confidence.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Get Plenty of Rest to Gain Confidence
We are learning how to become more confident after surviving abuse and trauma. This is a continuation of my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, we look at the importance of rest.
Too tired?
Are you so tired that you can barely function? Fatigue can sap a lot of our confidence, because it causes us to make mistakes.
Lately, I've been juggling multiple projects. A number of people are involved in these, and fatigue caused me to make an embarrassing mistake yesterday. I sent an important client to the wrong address, which cost her valuable time. The mistake may cost me in the long run, because professionals do not like to deal with people who make errors.
This happened, because I've been staying up too late, taking on too many projects, and pushing myself too hard. An embarrassing mistake, such as giving out the wrong address, overlooking an important appointment, or going blank when someone returns our call can be a red flag. Mistakes can warn us that we're pushing ourselves beyond our limits.
Remember the Lord's day and rest.
Genesis 2:3 tells us, Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. Even the creator of our great universe felt that it was important to rest after working hard.
If we want to feel confident and ensure that we don't make costly mistakes, we must get adequate rest. This means that we sleep 7-9 hours per night, we take frequent breaks during the day, and we spend one day each week doing absolutely no work. During that time, it's important to reflect on how much God has blessed us over the previous six days.
Today's Challenge
Is fatigue causing you to make mistakes that result in embarrassing situations? Are you so forgetful because of a lack of sleep that you confuse important details and dates? Whittle away some of your duties at work, unnecessary commitments, and TV/movie time at night. Rest up and watch your productivity and confidence blossom.
Too tired?
Are you so tired that you can barely function? Fatigue can sap a lot of our confidence, because it causes us to make mistakes.
Lately, I've been juggling multiple projects. A number of people are involved in these, and fatigue caused me to make an embarrassing mistake yesterday. I sent an important client to the wrong address, which cost her valuable time. The mistake may cost me in the long run, because professionals do not like to deal with people who make errors.
This happened, because I've been staying up too late, taking on too many projects, and pushing myself too hard. An embarrassing mistake, such as giving out the wrong address, overlooking an important appointment, or going blank when someone returns our call can be a red flag. Mistakes can warn us that we're pushing ourselves beyond our limits.
Remember the Lord's day and rest.
Genesis 2:3 tells us, Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. Even the creator of our great universe felt that it was important to rest after working hard.
If we want to feel confident and ensure that we don't make costly mistakes, we must get adequate rest. This means that we sleep 7-9 hours per night, we take frequent breaks during the day, and we spend one day each week doing absolutely no work. During that time, it's important to reflect on how much God has blessed us over the previous six days.
Today's Challenge
Is fatigue causing you to make mistakes that result in embarrassing situations? Are you so forgetful because of a lack of sleep that you confuse important details and dates? Whittle away some of your duties at work, unnecessary commitments, and TV/movie time at night. Rest up and watch your productivity and confidence blossom.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Hire a Housekeeper
We are learning how to become more courageous in all areas of our lives during my series, Confident in God's Garden. Today, I'd like to address the benefits of hiring a housekeeper.
A clean house gives us peace of mind.
For the past several months, my responsibilities outside of my home have been growing. Someone suggested that I hire a housekeeper, and I thought the idea sounded ridiculous. Surely, I could keep up with my little cottage. It's just the two of us at home now, along with one little poodle.
As the weeks turned into months, I began to realize that the time I used to devote to cleaning was being taken up with far more important tasks. And as the dust bunnies multiplied and the piles of clutter grew taller, I began to feel overwhelmed.
What if someone dropped in for a visit? There was no way I could hide the growing mess. Worse, the disarray in the house was clouding my head. I couldn't concentrate well on my writing and other pursuits, because everywhere I turned, there was another unresolved housekeeping issue.
A breath of fresh air
My new housekeeper arrived today, and within a few hours, the house began to smell incredibly fresh. Her energy invigorated me and inspired me to clear my desk and throw away stacks of papers that had been mounting on every horizontal surface.
At the end of the day, I had accomplished more in just a few hours than I had in weeks. I parted with some of my money, but the peace of mind that the housekeeper brought was worth it.
I went out to an appointment and returned home this evening to glowing floors and the subtle scent of Murphy's Oil Soap. There is nothing sweeter than returning to a well-kept home. It provides us with a haven where we can relax and think clearly. And it prepares us for the rest we need to go back out into the world in the morning, full of confidence.
Having our spiritual house swept clean makes room for something new.
Jesus spoke to his followers about the importance of continued learning after becoming believers. We may make a clean sweep of our souls through faith in Christ, but if we don't work at maturing, we may be in danger of letting in evil things that we thought we had put behind us.
Jesus said, When a defiling evil spirit is expelled from someone, it drifts along through the desert looking for an oasis, some unsuspecting soul it can bedevil. When it doesn't find anyone, it says, 'I'll go back to my old haunt.' On return it finds the person spotlessly clean, but vacant. It then runs out and rounds up seven other spirits more evil than itself and they all move in, whooping it up. That person ends up far worse off than if he'd never gotten cleaned up in the first place. (Matt 12:43-44 MSG)
Maintaining our faith is similar to keeping up with our housework. It takes great effort in the beginning to whip both into shape, and each can be lost if we don't continue to look after them.
Taking care of our physical homes and our spiritual houses provides us with greater confidence. When our house is spotless, we don't worry about unexpected visitors. When we take care of our spiritual housekeeping through regular Bible reading, worship, and prayer, we don't get anxious about slipping back into old ways of living that separated us from God.
Today's Challenge
Does your house need a thorough cleaning? Does your spiritual life? Take a few minutes to consider the cleanliness of your home, as well as the cleanliness of your soul. If you need a housekeeper or a spiritual cleanse, find someone to help you get things in order.
A clean house gives us peace of mind.
For the past several months, my responsibilities outside of my home have been growing. Someone suggested that I hire a housekeeper, and I thought the idea sounded ridiculous. Surely, I could keep up with my little cottage. It's just the two of us at home now, along with one little poodle.
As the weeks turned into months, I began to realize that the time I used to devote to cleaning was being taken up with far more important tasks. And as the dust bunnies multiplied and the piles of clutter grew taller, I began to feel overwhelmed.
What if someone dropped in for a visit? There was no way I could hide the growing mess. Worse, the disarray in the house was clouding my head. I couldn't concentrate well on my writing and other pursuits, because everywhere I turned, there was another unresolved housekeeping issue.
A breath of fresh air
My new housekeeper arrived today, and within a few hours, the house began to smell incredibly fresh. Her energy invigorated me and inspired me to clear my desk and throw away stacks of papers that had been mounting on every horizontal surface.
At the end of the day, I had accomplished more in just a few hours than I had in weeks. I parted with some of my money, but the peace of mind that the housekeeper brought was worth it.
I went out to an appointment and returned home this evening to glowing floors and the subtle scent of Murphy's Oil Soap. There is nothing sweeter than returning to a well-kept home. It provides us with a haven where we can relax and think clearly. And it prepares us for the rest we need to go back out into the world in the morning, full of confidence.
Having our spiritual house swept clean makes room for something new.
Jesus spoke to his followers about the importance of continued learning after becoming believers. We may make a clean sweep of our souls through faith in Christ, but if we don't work at maturing, we may be in danger of letting in evil things that we thought we had put behind us.
Jesus said, When a defiling evil spirit is expelled from someone, it drifts along through the desert looking for an oasis, some unsuspecting soul it can bedevil. When it doesn't find anyone, it says, 'I'll go back to my old haunt.' On return it finds the person spotlessly clean, but vacant. It then runs out and rounds up seven other spirits more evil than itself and they all move in, whooping it up. That person ends up far worse off than if he'd never gotten cleaned up in the first place. (Matt 12:43-44 MSG)
Maintaining our faith is similar to keeping up with our housework. It takes great effort in the beginning to whip both into shape, and each can be lost if we don't continue to look after them.
Taking care of our physical homes and our spiritual houses provides us with greater confidence. When our house is spotless, we don't worry about unexpected visitors. When we take care of our spiritual housekeeping through regular Bible reading, worship, and prayer, we don't get anxious about slipping back into old ways of living that separated us from God.
Today's Challenge
Does your house need a thorough cleaning? Does your spiritual life? Take a few minutes to consider the cleanliness of your home, as well as the cleanliness of your soul. If you need a housekeeper or a spiritual cleanse, find someone to help you get things in order.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Dreams Do Come True!
We are learning about how to develop self-confidence during my series, Confident in God's Hands. But today, I want to talk about what happens when we place our confidence in God's ability to make our dreams come true.
The Green Canoe
A few years ago, I began reading books by various authors, both Christian and otherwise, about how powerful our dreams can be. When I say dreams, I don't mean the ones we see while we're sleeping. I'm talking about the ones that are planted in our hearts.
Joe really wanted a canoe when we moved to the lake, but we didn't have the money for one. So, I decided one day that I would look for a canoe along the route we would travel to a strawberry farm. On the way out of the house, I picked up the mail and discovered an unexpected tax refund check for $250. I tucked it into my checkbook and forgot about it.
I had this sense that I would find a green canoe sitting right next to the road with wooden paddles sticking up out of it. We drove for hours, and all the while, I was craning my neck. I saw yard sales, garage sales, houses for sale, but no canoes.
On the way home, I was so tired, I completely forgot about my search. I was half-asleep when I looked over and saw a green canoe practically sitting in the road, with two wooden paddles sticking up! I shouted at Joe to stop, and I think the poor guy nearly had heart failure.
I was convinced that this was my free canoe, but when Joe inquired about it, he discovered that it was $300. There was no way we could afford it, but I opened my checkbook to consider how I might pull off some bill-shuffling for Joe's sake. The government check for $250 fell out, and we convinced the seller to let us have the canoe for that amount.
The green canoe wasn't exactly free, but the purchase of it was a wash in my accounting system. When God puts a dream in our hearts, he finds creative ways to make them come true. This is why I stress repeatedly to readers and friends the importance of creating a vision board or a dream book that is filled with images of our dreams.
The Red Sedan
Today, my old car's transmission and radiator went out. The repairs far exceeded the value of the car, so I called Joe and asked him to pray for God to provide what we needed.
The salesman went through his inventory, looking for something within our budget. He only found two, and when we checked the lot, one had already been sold. That left a red sedan, which fit our budget and met my needs.
Ever since the green canoe miracle, I am much more keenly aware of God's working behind the scenes to make our dreams real. As I was test-driving the red sedan, I suddenly realized that I had pasted a picture of a nearly identical car in my dream book last year!
When I created that image in my head, God began to set things in motion to make my dream come true. I had no clue how it would happen, and I certainly didn't leave the house today with the intent of buying a car. But once again, God put the finances in place to make the purchase possible for us.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) tells us, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jesus said in Mark 11:24 (NIV), "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
Be bold in asking God for what you want! And have confidence in God's ability to provide. The Lord wants to bless us, but we must believe in his promises to prosper us. We must boldly pray when faced with challenges and wait expectantly for God to pull off something amazing.
Today's Challenge
What are your dreams? Have you told God about them? Have you written them down yet? Have you created a dream book or a vision board with magazine cut-outs, drawings, or brochures of what you want? There is tremendous power in God's promises, in faith, and in prayer. Dream big, ask, and believe with confidence that God can make just about any dream possible.
The Green Canoe
A few years ago, I began reading books by various authors, both Christian and otherwise, about how powerful our dreams can be. When I say dreams, I don't mean the ones we see while we're sleeping. I'm talking about the ones that are planted in our hearts.
Joe really wanted a canoe when we moved to the lake, but we didn't have the money for one. So, I decided one day that I would look for a canoe along the route we would travel to a strawberry farm. On the way out of the house, I picked up the mail and discovered an unexpected tax refund check for $250. I tucked it into my checkbook and forgot about it.
I had this sense that I would find a green canoe sitting right next to the road with wooden paddles sticking up out of it. We drove for hours, and all the while, I was craning my neck. I saw yard sales, garage sales, houses for sale, but no canoes.
On the way home, I was so tired, I completely forgot about my search. I was half-asleep when I looked over and saw a green canoe practically sitting in the road, with two wooden paddles sticking up! I shouted at Joe to stop, and I think the poor guy nearly had heart failure.
I was convinced that this was my free canoe, but when Joe inquired about it, he discovered that it was $300. There was no way we could afford it, but I opened my checkbook to consider how I might pull off some bill-shuffling for Joe's sake. The government check for $250 fell out, and we convinced the seller to let us have the canoe for that amount.
The green canoe wasn't exactly free, but the purchase of it was a wash in my accounting system. When God puts a dream in our hearts, he finds creative ways to make them come true. This is why I stress repeatedly to readers and friends the importance of creating a vision board or a dream book that is filled with images of our dreams.
The Red Sedan
Today, my old car's transmission and radiator went out. The repairs far exceeded the value of the car, so I called Joe and asked him to pray for God to provide what we needed.
The salesman went through his inventory, looking for something within our budget. He only found two, and when we checked the lot, one had already been sold. That left a red sedan, which fit our budget and met my needs.
Ever since the green canoe miracle, I am much more keenly aware of God's working behind the scenes to make our dreams real. As I was test-driving the red sedan, I suddenly realized that I had pasted a picture of a nearly identical car in my dream book last year!
When I created that image in my head, God began to set things in motion to make my dream come true. I had no clue how it would happen, and I certainly didn't leave the house today with the intent of buying a car. But once again, God put the finances in place to make the purchase possible for us.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) tells us, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jesus said in Mark 11:24 (NIV), "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
Be bold in asking God for what you want! And have confidence in God's ability to provide. The Lord wants to bless us, but we must believe in his promises to prosper us. We must boldly pray when faced with challenges and wait expectantly for God to pull off something amazing.
Today's Challenge
What are your dreams? Have you told God about them? Have you written them down yet? Have you created a dream book or a vision board with magazine cut-outs, drawings, or brochures of what you want? There is tremendous power in God's promises, in faith, and in prayer. Dream big, ask, and believe with confidence that God can make just about any dream possible.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Express Your True Personality
We are learning how to improve our self-esteem through my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I would like to address the importance of expressing our true personalities.
Who do you say you are?
I believe that there are two ways for us to express our true personalities without ever opening our mouths. The first way lies in the way we dress, and the second in the way we structure our environments at home and at work. Today, we'll take a look at clothing styles, and tomorrow, we'll think about what our homes and offices tells others about us.
Who do your clothes say you are?
Our clothing reflects to the world who we believe we are. If we skip the shower and schlep into some holey sweat pants and a dirty t-shirt, we're letting the world know that we're either too tired or too depressed to care about much of anything.
If, as 50-year-olds, we go out into the world wearing mini skirts, 6-inch heels, and low-cut tops, we may be sending the message that we're trying too hard to recapture our youth or we're desperately hoping for a date.
At the opposite extreme, if we don ankle-length denim skirts, long sleeve blouses buttoned up to the throat, along with white Keds sneakers, we're letting the world know that we are highly conservative and extremely modest.
Why do we choose to dress the way we do? Whether we're the couch potato, the siren, or the ultra-conservative doesn't matter, as long as our clothing expresses who we truly are.
Many of us dress as we do, because we believe it's what our culture expects of us. We want to fit in, and we may end up looking like our neighbors or co-workers. The problem is, we may lose our true identities by becoming overly generic.
Dare to be different.
What if we move to a highly conservative town where everyone happens to wear khaki pants and polo shirts? Do we have to conform, or can we be ourselves? If we want to feel confident, I believe we must express who we truly are by choosing to wear whatever we want, as long as it doesn't draw inappropriate attention and isn't an excuse for updating our 1980s wardrobe.
I've mentioned before that where I live, most people see dressing up as putting on a pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt. I can't stand to go out into the world dressed like that, so I dare to be different.
I attended a seminar last weekend, wearing white capri pants and a pretty top. I had accessorized with a long beaded necklace and dangling black earrings. In a room full of people wearing jeans and t-shirts, I stood out from the crowd. Even though I knew nothing more than the rest of the attendees, people kept flocking around me all day to ask me for advice.
Why? I don't think it was because of the clothes, although I believe an attractively dressed woman does draw some attention. No, I think it has a lot more to do with the air of confidence that I exude when I feel good about how I look in those clothes.
People are attracted to others who look confident. It makes them think we're successsful, and they want what we have. And when everyone in the room is hovering around us because we seem like the most courageous person in the room, our confidence really gets a shot in the arm.
The Bible says that the world will follow confident people.
The apostles, Peter and John, were confident in a crowd, not because of their clothing, but because of their complete belief in the message they had to share about Jesus.
Acts 4:13 (MSG) tells us, They [the crowd] couldn't take their eyes off them—Peter and John standing there so confident, so sure of themselves! Their fascination deepened when they realized these two were laymen with no training in Scripture or formal education.
Even though Peter and John were not formally trained in theology, people were fascinated by what they had to say, simply because they exuded so much confidence! People were willing to listen to them and follow them around, just because they were so sure of themselves.
So, if we need to switch out our clothing to find our groove, let's do it! Dressing in a manner that truly expresses who we are gives us the confidence to stand out in a crowd.
Today's Challenge
Take some time today to look in a mirror and consider your clothing. Are you dressing to fit in with those around you? Or are you bold enough to dress in a way that expresses who you truly are? If you're looking generic, go shopping and try on different styles of clothing. Figure out which outfit expresses the true you and take it home. Take note when you wear your new clothing whether or not it boosts your confidence.
Who do you say you are?
I believe that there are two ways for us to express our true personalities without ever opening our mouths. The first way lies in the way we dress, and the second in the way we structure our environments at home and at work. Today, we'll take a look at clothing styles, and tomorrow, we'll think about what our homes and offices tells others about us.
Who do your clothes say you are?
Our clothing reflects to the world who we believe we are. If we skip the shower and schlep into some holey sweat pants and a dirty t-shirt, we're letting the world know that we're either too tired or too depressed to care about much of anything.
If, as 50-year-olds, we go out into the world wearing mini skirts, 6-inch heels, and low-cut tops, we may be sending the message that we're trying too hard to recapture our youth or we're desperately hoping for a date.
At the opposite extreme, if we don ankle-length denim skirts, long sleeve blouses buttoned up to the throat, along with white Keds sneakers, we're letting the world know that we are highly conservative and extremely modest.
Why do we choose to dress the way we do? Whether we're the couch potato, the siren, or the ultra-conservative doesn't matter, as long as our clothing expresses who we truly are.
Many of us dress as we do, because we believe it's what our culture expects of us. We want to fit in, and we may end up looking like our neighbors or co-workers. The problem is, we may lose our true identities by becoming overly generic.
Dare to be different.
What if we move to a highly conservative town where everyone happens to wear khaki pants and polo shirts? Do we have to conform, or can we be ourselves? If we want to feel confident, I believe we must express who we truly are by choosing to wear whatever we want, as long as it doesn't draw inappropriate attention and isn't an excuse for updating our 1980s wardrobe.
I've mentioned before that where I live, most people see dressing up as putting on a pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt. I can't stand to go out into the world dressed like that, so I dare to be different.
I attended a seminar last weekend, wearing white capri pants and a pretty top. I had accessorized with a long beaded necklace and dangling black earrings. In a room full of people wearing jeans and t-shirts, I stood out from the crowd. Even though I knew nothing more than the rest of the attendees, people kept flocking around me all day to ask me for advice.
Why? I don't think it was because of the clothes, although I believe an attractively dressed woman does draw some attention. No, I think it has a lot more to do with the air of confidence that I exude when I feel good about how I look in those clothes.
People are attracted to others who look confident. It makes them think we're successsful, and they want what we have. And when everyone in the room is hovering around us because we seem like the most courageous person in the room, our confidence really gets a shot in the arm.
The Bible says that the world will follow confident people.
The apostles, Peter and John, were confident in a crowd, not because of their clothing, but because of their complete belief in the message they had to share about Jesus.
Acts 4:13 (MSG) tells us, They [the crowd] couldn't take their eyes off them—Peter and John standing there so confident, so sure of themselves! Their fascination deepened when they realized these two were laymen with no training in Scripture or formal education.
Even though Peter and John were not formally trained in theology, people were fascinated by what they had to say, simply because they exuded so much confidence! People were willing to listen to them and follow them around, just because they were so sure of themselves.
So, if we need to switch out our clothing to find our groove, let's do it! Dressing in a manner that truly expresses who we are gives us the confidence to stand out in a crowd.
Today's Challenge
Take some time today to look in a mirror and consider your clothing. Are you dressing to fit in with those around you? Or are you bold enough to dress in a way that expresses who you truly are? If you're looking generic, go shopping and try on different styles of clothing. Figure out which outfit expresses the true you and take it home. Take note when you wear your new clothing whether or not it boosts your confidence.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
What Makes You Light Up?
We are learning how to be more courageous through my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, I would like to consider the one thing in our lives that makes us light up on the inside like nothing else does. When we discover it, our confidence soars.
Pay attention to your soul's passion.
For each of us, there is one thing that really lights up our soul when we do it. In my case, that one thing is writing. When I sit down at the computer, words flow effortlessly. I lose track of time when working on novels, and I spend all of my free time daydreaming about my next plot twist or point of growth in a character.
That one thing that lights up our soul is the reason why we were sent to earth. It is our life's purpose. When we focus on fulfilling our purpose in this world, our confidence soars. Why? Because God has wired us to do this one thing better than anyone else can.
Many things bring us pleasure, but only one pursuit lights our fire.
We often get confused about what our purpose is, because many things bring us pleasure. In my case, I love playing the piano, dancing with a strong lead, and singing. Jumping over a six-foot brick wall on the back of a horse gives me a charge, and so does snuggling up on the sofa with my poodle.
But none of these things fulfill me as much as writing does. These activities fill my heart with joy, but I don't feel that the world would be worse off if I didn't pursue them.
I do, however, believe that without my voice, many survivors of abuse and trauma would continue to suffer. Knowing that I am helping a fellow survivor to thrive brings me incredible peace. When I hear from my readers that my words have encouraged them, my heart finds incredible joy.
Three tests for discovering our life's purpose
While many pursuits bring me pleasure, they are not my life's purpose. How do I know? There are three tests in figuring out what our purpose is:
1. It is something that consumes our thoughts during the day, enters into our dreams at night, and wakes us up with brilliant new insights most mornings.
2. It is an activity that we would be willing to engage in for at least eight hours every day for the rest of our lives, without ever getting tired of it. We lose all track of time when fulfilling our purpose.
3. We feel so passionate about our need to engage in this activity that we would be willing to do it without pay or recognition. There is a void in the world that we feel must be fulfilled, and we recognize that if we don't do it, no one else will.
God is the source of our soul's passion.
Jesus tells us in John 15:5 (MSG) I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you're joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can't produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples.
This doesn't mean that we're supposed to literally grow grapes. Jesus used figures of speech to make many important points. His message here reminds us that we will discover our life's passion when we spend time daily reading the Bible and praying for direction. And once the Lord has revealed to us what we're supposed to be doing, he'll provide abundant success for us, as long as we remain firmly connected to him.
Today's Challenge
Have you identified your life's purpose? If not, begin thinking about which activities bring you pleasure. Take note of what you're dreaming about doing, and consider whether or not an activity is so important to you that you would do it all day long without pay. Ask God to direct you to that one thing which will light up your soul.
Pay attention to your soul's passion.
For each of us, there is one thing that really lights up our soul when we do it. In my case, that one thing is writing. When I sit down at the computer, words flow effortlessly. I lose track of time when working on novels, and I spend all of my free time daydreaming about my next plot twist or point of growth in a character.
That one thing that lights up our soul is the reason why we were sent to earth. It is our life's purpose. When we focus on fulfilling our purpose in this world, our confidence soars. Why? Because God has wired us to do this one thing better than anyone else can.
Many things bring us pleasure, but only one pursuit lights our fire.
We often get confused about what our purpose is, because many things bring us pleasure. In my case, I love playing the piano, dancing with a strong lead, and singing. Jumping over a six-foot brick wall on the back of a horse gives me a charge, and so does snuggling up on the sofa with my poodle.
But none of these things fulfill me as much as writing does. These activities fill my heart with joy, but I don't feel that the world would be worse off if I didn't pursue them.
I do, however, believe that without my voice, many survivors of abuse and trauma would continue to suffer. Knowing that I am helping a fellow survivor to thrive brings me incredible peace. When I hear from my readers that my words have encouraged them, my heart finds incredible joy.
Three tests for discovering our life's purpose
While many pursuits bring me pleasure, they are not my life's purpose. How do I know? There are three tests in figuring out what our purpose is:
1. It is something that consumes our thoughts during the day, enters into our dreams at night, and wakes us up with brilliant new insights most mornings.
2. It is an activity that we would be willing to engage in for at least eight hours every day for the rest of our lives, without ever getting tired of it. We lose all track of time when fulfilling our purpose.
3. We feel so passionate about our need to engage in this activity that we would be willing to do it without pay or recognition. There is a void in the world that we feel must be fulfilled, and we recognize that if we don't do it, no one else will.
God is the source of our soul's passion.
Jesus tells us in John 15:5 (MSG) I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you're joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can't produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples.
This doesn't mean that we're supposed to literally grow grapes. Jesus used figures of speech to make many important points. His message here reminds us that we will discover our life's passion when we spend time daily reading the Bible and praying for direction. And once the Lord has revealed to us what we're supposed to be doing, he'll provide abundant success for us, as long as we remain firmly connected to him.
Today's Challenge
Have you identified your life's purpose? If not, begin thinking about which activities bring you pleasure. Take note of what you're dreaming about doing, and consider whether or not an activity is so important to you that you would do it all day long without pay. Ask God to direct you to that one thing which will light up your soul.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Give Yourself Credit for Past Successes
Welcome back to my series, Confident in God's Hands. We are learning how to build our self-esteem through practical changes which all of us can implement. Today, we are going to take a look at past successes.
Focus on the success, not the fear.
When I was a kindergarten teacher, I frequently encountered mothers who were very worried about their younger children, not the ones in my class. They would tell me that my current student had been potty trained early, and with little difficulty. But the sibling was months overdue...as far as the mother was concerned...in mastering the use of the potty.
I would always ask these mothers the same question: "Are you potty trained?"
They would inevitably laugh and say, "Of course!"
I would tell them, "You and I are both potty trained. Your kindergarten student is, too. The odds are good that this second child will eventually succeed...in his own time."
Like nervous mothers of pre-schoolers, we fear that we will never succeed at something which is important to us. We compare ourselves to others and become completely neurotic if we haven't done as well as our peers in the same period of time. This is ridiculous, and we must stop if we are going to ever achieve the success that God wants for us.
When does God want us to succeed?
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (MSG) tells us, There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth. God's timing always seems to be completely contrary to ours. We pin ourselves down to a schedule for succeeding and wind up making ourselves feel like failures when we don't reach our goals. This practice keeps us focused on failure, instead of success.
We must focus on our ability to succeed, not on our fears or our deadlines. Both can completely destroy our confidence. By looking back at our past successes and giving ourselves a little latitude with timing, we can think ourselves into future success.
Set goals, but remember past achievements, too.
It's great to set achievable goals and to put end dates on them, as long as we don't beat ourselves up if we're a little overdue. When we get hung up on what seems to be a failure, we must look back at what we've achieved.
After suffering a closed head injury a decade ago, I couldn't walk, talk, or type. Words came out of my mouth that made no sense, and my typing looked like Greek. I set goals for myself to quickly recover the abilities I had lost. God had something else in mind.
My recovery was anything but swift. It took me nine months to re-learn how to walk, talk, and type. I still struggle with residual issues, such as tremors and short-term memory loss. But today, when ongoing difficulties threaten to steal my confidence, I remind myself that I achieved some pretty big goals in the past. Focusing on those accomplishments gives me the courage to tackle whatever comes my way.
My mind is a powerful tool in this process, because I will get whatever I think I can do. If all I think of is failure, that's what I will continue to get. On the other hand, if I envision myself succeeding, I will most likely achieve my goals...when God thinks that the timing is right.
Celebrate both big and small successes.
Some successes may be big for us, such as learning to live at peace with a chronic illness, defeating the emotional pain caused by abuse, or bravely carrying the scars that remain after a traumatic event. Other successes may be little ones, such as dealing patiently with rude people, sitting peacefully in traffic jams, or recovering an important paper that was lost.
Whether our successes have been big or small, we must celebrate them all. If we're convinced that we'll never succeed at anything, we have to remember the little things, such as the fact that we're all potty trained. From that point onward, it becomes easier to remember that we are all successful, but in different ways and in God's time.
Today's Challenge
With pen and paper, sit down and list your lifetime achievements. It's easy to remember the big milestones, such as graduating from school or landing a job. But don't forget the small stuff, such as getting a gold star on a handwriting paper in third grade or befriending a new kid at school. When we add to this list daily and review it frequently, we bolster our confidence and empower ourselves to take on new challenges.
Focus on the success, not the fear.
When I was a kindergarten teacher, I frequently encountered mothers who were very worried about their younger children, not the ones in my class. They would tell me that my current student had been potty trained early, and with little difficulty. But the sibling was months overdue...as far as the mother was concerned...in mastering the use of the potty.
I would always ask these mothers the same question: "Are you potty trained?"
They would inevitably laugh and say, "Of course!"
I would tell them, "You and I are both potty trained. Your kindergarten student is, too. The odds are good that this second child will eventually succeed...in his own time."
Like nervous mothers of pre-schoolers, we fear that we will never succeed at something which is important to us. We compare ourselves to others and become completely neurotic if we haven't done as well as our peers in the same period of time. This is ridiculous, and we must stop if we are going to ever achieve the success that God wants for us.
When does God want us to succeed?
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (MSG) tells us, There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth. God's timing always seems to be completely contrary to ours. We pin ourselves down to a schedule for succeeding and wind up making ourselves feel like failures when we don't reach our goals. This practice keeps us focused on failure, instead of success.
We must focus on our ability to succeed, not on our fears or our deadlines. Both can completely destroy our confidence. By looking back at our past successes and giving ourselves a little latitude with timing, we can think ourselves into future success.
Set goals, but remember past achievements, too.
It's great to set achievable goals and to put end dates on them, as long as we don't beat ourselves up if we're a little overdue. When we get hung up on what seems to be a failure, we must look back at what we've achieved.
After suffering a closed head injury a decade ago, I couldn't walk, talk, or type. Words came out of my mouth that made no sense, and my typing looked like Greek. I set goals for myself to quickly recover the abilities I had lost. God had something else in mind.
My recovery was anything but swift. It took me nine months to re-learn how to walk, talk, and type. I still struggle with residual issues, such as tremors and short-term memory loss. But today, when ongoing difficulties threaten to steal my confidence, I remind myself that I achieved some pretty big goals in the past. Focusing on those accomplishments gives me the courage to tackle whatever comes my way.
My mind is a powerful tool in this process, because I will get whatever I think I can do. If all I think of is failure, that's what I will continue to get. On the other hand, if I envision myself succeeding, I will most likely achieve my goals...when God thinks that the timing is right.
Celebrate both big and small successes.
Some successes may be big for us, such as learning to live at peace with a chronic illness, defeating the emotional pain caused by abuse, or bravely carrying the scars that remain after a traumatic event. Other successes may be little ones, such as dealing patiently with rude people, sitting peacefully in traffic jams, or recovering an important paper that was lost.
Whether our successes have been big or small, we must celebrate them all. If we're convinced that we'll never succeed at anything, we have to remember the little things, such as the fact that we're all potty trained. From that point onward, it becomes easier to remember that we are all successful, but in different ways and in God's time.
Today's Challenge
With pen and paper, sit down and list your lifetime achievements. It's easy to remember the big milestones, such as graduating from school or landing a job. But don't forget the small stuff, such as getting a gold star on a handwriting paper in third grade or befriending a new kid at school. When we add to this list daily and review it frequently, we bolster our confidence and empower ourselves to take on new challenges.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Figure Out What Matters to You
We are learning how to be more confident as survivors of abuse or trauma in my series, Confident in God's Hands. Today, we think about what matters the most to us so that we can build on it to create more courage.
The Pine Beetle
People who raise trees for a living start having anxiety attacks when they hear pine beetle. This wood-boring insect can destroy acres of trees within a very short period of time, wiping out decades of growth and profits.
I know a man who owns thousands of acres of pine trees. If you were to ask him what he felt passionate about, he would probably tell you the complete eradication of pine beetles from the planet.
If I were to ask you how you felt about pine beetles, most of you would shrug and say that you didn't even know what they were. You see, pine beetles don't matter to you, because they have never impacted your life negatively or hurt anyone that you know.
The apostle Paul found something that mattered.
In order to find a way to be courageous in this world, we must discover something that matters to us. Then, we have to build our days, our careers, our legacies around that thing that we can passionately talk about and try to change.
The apostle Paul started out as a Jewish zealot, arresting and killing every Christian he could find. He had found something that mattered to him, and he wasn't going to quit until he had eradicated all Christans, as timber men wish to eradicate pine beetles.
Paul felt really confident about what he was doing, but his efforts were outside of God's plans. So, Jesus met Paul along the road to Damascus and struck him blind.
Bewildered and terrified, Paul stumbled into town, trying to figure out where he had gone wrong. Soon after, God restored his sight, and you can bet that Paul had a new passion as a result of his life-altering experience. He became as zealous for everyone to become Christians as he had been bent on destroying them. (See Acts 26)
Got passion?
I meet a lot of people whom I ask what matters to them. They shrug, as most people might if I asked them to go on a crusade against the pine beetle. They have no passion for living, for changing the world, or for leaving behind a legacy. They seem like sleepwalkers to me, and I wonder how long it will take before they wake up.
If your child were kidnapped by a child molester, would you simply sit back and shrug your shoulders? No! You would develop passion in an instant to hunt down and bring to justice the person who took away your life's treasure.
Our pain creates passion.
If I had to present a seminar about eradicating pine beetles, it would be a boring 90-minute lecture. I don't have a fire in my belly about the subject, and I don't have any personal experience with pest control.
But ask me how childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, or PTSD affects survivors, and I could talk for days on end without tiring. My personal pain created by abuse has created a passion that will never end.
I believe that our greatest passion stems from our greatest hurt. This is why my life's work has revolved around helping women and children who have been victims of abuse. I don't want anyone else to suffer as long as I did in silence, shame, and confusion.
I want to leave a legacy that will be remembered for centuries after I'm dead. I hope that survivors of abuse and trauma will associate my name with encouragement and love. We must find some way to turn our pain into something worthwhile, otherwise, we live out our lives as sleepwalkers, oblivious to the opportunities to help others and, in the process, to develop greater confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
What matters to you? Are you passionate about spaying/neutering cats? Protecting the great horned owl? Helping underprivileged kids get into college? Comforting widows? Adopting orphans? Identify something that kindles a passion in you today and write down, My passion is to__________.
The Pine Beetle
People who raise trees for a living start having anxiety attacks when they hear pine beetle. This wood-boring insect can destroy acres of trees within a very short period of time, wiping out decades of growth and profits.
I know a man who owns thousands of acres of pine trees. If you were to ask him what he felt passionate about, he would probably tell you the complete eradication of pine beetles from the planet.
If I were to ask you how you felt about pine beetles, most of you would shrug and say that you didn't even know what they were. You see, pine beetles don't matter to you, because they have never impacted your life negatively or hurt anyone that you know.
The apostle Paul found something that mattered.
In order to find a way to be courageous in this world, we must discover something that matters to us. Then, we have to build our days, our careers, our legacies around that thing that we can passionately talk about and try to change.
The apostle Paul started out as a Jewish zealot, arresting and killing every Christian he could find. He had found something that mattered to him, and he wasn't going to quit until he had eradicated all Christans, as timber men wish to eradicate pine beetles.
Paul felt really confident about what he was doing, but his efforts were outside of God's plans. So, Jesus met Paul along the road to Damascus and struck him blind.
Bewildered and terrified, Paul stumbled into town, trying to figure out where he had gone wrong. Soon after, God restored his sight, and you can bet that Paul had a new passion as a result of his life-altering experience. He became as zealous for everyone to become Christians as he had been bent on destroying them. (See Acts 26)
Got passion?
I meet a lot of people whom I ask what matters to them. They shrug, as most people might if I asked them to go on a crusade against the pine beetle. They have no passion for living, for changing the world, or for leaving behind a legacy. They seem like sleepwalkers to me, and I wonder how long it will take before they wake up.
If your child were kidnapped by a child molester, would you simply sit back and shrug your shoulders? No! You would develop passion in an instant to hunt down and bring to justice the person who took away your life's treasure.
Our pain creates passion.
If I had to present a seminar about eradicating pine beetles, it would be a boring 90-minute lecture. I don't have a fire in my belly about the subject, and I don't have any personal experience with pest control.
But ask me how childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, or PTSD affects survivors, and I could talk for days on end without tiring. My personal pain created by abuse has created a passion that will never end.
I believe that our greatest passion stems from our greatest hurt. This is why my life's work has revolved around helping women and children who have been victims of abuse. I don't want anyone else to suffer as long as I did in silence, shame, and confusion.
I want to leave a legacy that will be remembered for centuries after I'm dead. I hope that survivors of abuse and trauma will associate my name with encouragement and love. We must find some way to turn our pain into something worthwhile, otherwise, we live out our lives as sleepwalkers, oblivious to the opportunities to help others and, in the process, to develop greater confidence in ourselves.
Today's Challenge
What matters to you? Are you passionate about spaying/neutering cats? Protecting the great horned owl? Helping underprivileged kids get into college? Comforting widows? Adopting orphans? Identify something that kindles a passion in you today and write down, My passion is to__________.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Imagine Your Future
My series, Confident in God's Garden, continues with some thoughts about looking ahead at the future. We've learned that, as survivors of abuse or trauma, we can be some of the most fearful people on the planet.
Through this series, we've taken some steps to change our outward appearance so that we feel a little more courageous...better equipped for the battles ahead. If we truly want to become bolder, though, we must change what's on the inside, too.
Imagine a fairy tale ending.
Fairy tales have always been popular, because they give readers hope. The author typically introduces a young girl, trapped in an unhappy childhood, and creates a marvelous future for her. When she achieves her dreams, the reader feels satisfied and uplifted.
Snow White danced around, singing Someday My Prince Will Come. She understood the importance of keeping her eyes on what could be, not what was. Hope gave her the courage to keep on moving through life, dreaming of a better future. Eventually, her dreams came true with the arrival of her prince.
We must imagine ourselves in the future, confident, happy, and satisfied. Getting there won't be easy, but if we think about where we want to end up, we can figure out what we need along the way.
What are God's dreams for our future?
God's got a definite plan for our future with him in heaven. Way back when he created the world, our final destinies were already in his plans. To get us to our end destination, he has orchestrated our arrival on earth at exactly the right time. He placed us in our families--even the most dysfunctional ones--where we would learn the skills that we would need for our future lives.
God knew that we would mess things up and get sidetracked along the way. He realized that we would need tremendous hope to keep on going in this challenging world. That's why he sent Jesus to die on a cross to keep sin from separating us from him. Because of God's great love for us, our futures are clearly defined.
God sent Jeremiah, a prophet, to give the Israelites an encouraging message. This same promise still holds true for us and for our future. I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (Jeremiah 29:11b MSG)
Notice that the final phrase says that God has plans to give us the future that we hope for. So many Christians sit back and say that they're waiting on God to tell them what to do. I think they're wasting a lot of precious time, because they fail to engage their minds to discover their purpose for being here.
God has put desires into our hearts for a reason. Those desires are simply his blueprint for our lives. Anything good that we can imagine, God put there in the first place. Our dreams take us where God wants us to go when we step out with courage and put them into action.
Today's Challenge
Imagine your future self as confident, happy, and satisfied. Write down today what you are doing in your dream. Snow White's specific vision was for a prince to come into her life. What's yours? If you're drawing a blank, pray for God's dreams for your future to become clear to you.
Through this series, we've taken some steps to change our outward appearance so that we feel a little more courageous...better equipped for the battles ahead. If we truly want to become bolder, though, we must change what's on the inside, too.
Imagine a fairy tale ending.
Fairy tales have always been popular, because they give readers hope. The author typically introduces a young girl, trapped in an unhappy childhood, and creates a marvelous future for her. When she achieves her dreams, the reader feels satisfied and uplifted.
Snow White danced around, singing Someday My Prince Will Come. She understood the importance of keeping her eyes on what could be, not what was. Hope gave her the courage to keep on moving through life, dreaming of a better future. Eventually, her dreams came true with the arrival of her prince.
We must imagine ourselves in the future, confident, happy, and satisfied. Getting there won't be easy, but if we think about where we want to end up, we can figure out what we need along the way.
What are God's dreams for our future?
God's got a definite plan for our future with him in heaven. Way back when he created the world, our final destinies were already in his plans. To get us to our end destination, he has orchestrated our arrival on earth at exactly the right time. He placed us in our families--even the most dysfunctional ones--where we would learn the skills that we would need for our future lives.
God knew that we would mess things up and get sidetracked along the way. He realized that we would need tremendous hope to keep on going in this challenging world. That's why he sent Jesus to die on a cross to keep sin from separating us from him. Because of God's great love for us, our futures are clearly defined.
God sent Jeremiah, a prophet, to give the Israelites an encouraging message. This same promise still holds true for us and for our future. I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (Jeremiah 29:11b MSG)
Notice that the final phrase says that God has plans to give us the future that we hope for. So many Christians sit back and say that they're waiting on God to tell them what to do. I think they're wasting a lot of precious time, because they fail to engage their minds to discover their purpose for being here.
God has put desires into our hearts for a reason. Those desires are simply his blueprint for our lives. Anything good that we can imagine, God put there in the first place. Our dreams take us where God wants us to go when we step out with courage and put them into action.
Today's Challenge
Imagine your future self as confident, happy, and satisfied. Write down today what you are doing in your dream. Snow White's specific vision was for a prince to come into her life. What's yours? If you're drawing a blank, pray for God's dreams for your future to become clear to you.
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