Last night, little ghosts and goblins were visiting my front porch, with the hope of walking away with their favorite treats. This is my last post on Blogger, because I have a new blog on my website at cheryldenton.com. So I’d like to give you a different kind of treat…a scary scene from my upcoming novel, Among the Ashes…
Sophie left, and Oona pulled up a chair in front of the records file cabinets. She was on the ninth drawer when she heard the back door open and bang shut. Who would be coming in at this hour?
Swiftly, she shoved the notebook into her purse and stepped into a gap between the filing cabinets and the wall. For once, she was glad that she was so small. She held her breath and listened. Her ear drums felt as if they were swelling with the effort.
She heard footsteps on the stairs, and then someone closed the filing cabinet drawer she had left open. From where she stood, it was impossible to see who was there, without giving herself away. She waited, praying for invisibility. And then, the footsteps retreated up the stairway, and the lights went off. She blinked in an effort to see in the dark.
Oona stood there with her heart pounding in her ears, wondering who had come in. Must have been the janitor, she finally decided. He lived next door, and he probably saw the light on in the basement. She heaved a sigh of relief. “Nothing to worry about,” she said to herself.
The light switch was at the top of the stairs, and there was no way she could continue working on the list without going back up and turning on the lights. The lights would alert the janitor again that someone was down there, and she preferred to let him think that he had simply forgotten to turn off the lights when he left. She decided it was best to just go home and resume in the morning.
She walked forward and bumped into something. She gasped and then reached forward with both hands. When she realized that it was just the janitor’s broom collection, she let her breath out in a whoosh. Slowly, she shuffled to the bottom of the stairs. When she had a firm grip on the handrail, she hurried up the steps and pushed open the back door.
In the next instant, a hand came over her mouth. A strong arm dragged her back inside. Oona struggled to free herself. The door banged shut.
A voice in her ear whispered, “You know, Oona, it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie.”
***
What do you think will happen to Oona? Find out how she and other characters cope with the challenges of trauma, deceit, and betrayal. Among the Ashes will be available in paperback on November 19 at cheryldenton.com. An ebook version can be purchased now through Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com, and Smashwords.com.
Happy All Saints Day!
Showing posts with label Cheryl Denton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cheryl Denton. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Dissociation Disrupts Our Lives
Dissociation may occur during abuse or trauma. When our world gets turned upside down, and we feel that we may crack if things get any worse, we dissociate ourselves from the moment. For example, during sexual assault, we may separate our thoughts from our bodies. We take ourselves mentally to another place so that we don't feel the physical and emotional pain of the moment.
We may later use dissociation to block out the memories of painful events or to numb our feelings long after the traumatic event is over. Dissociation protected our minds when we were trying to live with horrific circumstances. However, if we continue to use it as a means to forget the trauma or to avoid the strong feelings connected to the event, we may never recover.
Dissociation takes many forms. We may numb ourselves to all emotions or keep our distance from most people. Or we may dissociate from our feelings and memories by becoming hyper-involved in some activity.
We may over-work, talk incessantly, clean the house constantly, or jump into one volunteer activity after another. Remaining engaged perpetually in something that requires intense concentration prevents us from thinking about the pain of our past. It also leaves us feeling so physically and mentally exhausted that we can't work on recovery.
As a teacher, many of my students who were diagnosed with ADHD were experiencing abuse at home. All three of my children were misdiagnosed with ADHD, when, in fact, they were suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of abuse. PTSD symptoms look an awful lot like the ones associated with ADHD.
Do you consider yourself inattentive or hyperactive? Is it possible that these are symptoms of the dissociation which is common in survivors with PTSD? What memories or feelings might you be avoiding? If you think you may be dissociating months or years after a trauma, find a qualifed therapist to help you learn how to safely get back in touch with your feelings and memories.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him...Psalm 37:7a
We may later use dissociation to block out the memories of painful events or to numb our feelings long after the traumatic event is over. Dissociation protected our minds when we were trying to live with horrific circumstances. However, if we continue to use it as a means to forget the trauma or to avoid the strong feelings connected to the event, we may never recover.
Dissociation takes many forms. We may numb ourselves to all emotions or keep our distance from most people. Or we may dissociate from our feelings and memories by becoming hyper-involved in some activity.
We may over-work, talk incessantly, clean the house constantly, or jump into one volunteer activity after another. Remaining engaged perpetually in something that requires intense concentration prevents us from thinking about the pain of our past. It also leaves us feeling so physically and mentally exhausted that we can't work on recovery.
As a teacher, many of my students who were diagnosed with ADHD were experiencing abuse at home. All three of my children were misdiagnosed with ADHD, when, in fact, they were suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of abuse. PTSD symptoms look an awful lot like the ones associated with ADHD.
Do you consider yourself inattentive or hyperactive? Is it possible that these are symptoms of the dissociation which is common in survivors with PTSD? What memories or feelings might you be avoiding? If you think you may be dissociating months or years after a trauma, find a qualifed therapist to help you learn how to safely get back in touch with your feelings and memories.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him...Psalm 37:7a
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Are You Lonely?
Trauma survivors often feel lonely, even when surrounded by people. We frequently feel alienated, angry, or suspicious of others. Avoiding relationships is often the only way we know how to repress the triggers that might lead to rage, depression, or hopelessness. Many of us believe that our trauma shows, even though there are no outward signs of it.
I avoided social situations for decades, because I didn't know how to relate to others who hadn't experienced abuse or trauma. What would I talk about? I was so busy protecting myself from further abuse that I couldn't possibly read the newspaper or keep up with current trends.
I was afraid that if I did open my mouth, I would say something that would make others uncomfortable. When I did share some of my experiences with them, they looked horrified and then either edged away from me or took pity on me. Both reactions were devastating.
I got to the point where I was terrified of what might come out of my own mouth. If I did say something, even something appropriate, I instantly felt like fleeing from the room.
Watching others talking and laughing often made me feel as if I were standing on the outside of life, looking in. I wanted to participate, but I didn't know how. Their laughter often served as a trigger to remind me that when the social hour ended, I would have to go back to a world they would never understand.
I know now that it's important for survivors of abuse and trauma to talk to someone they trust. Doing so helps to relieve us of the burden of shame and sense of alienation that we've been carrying around for so long. When we've released some of our pain, we make room in our souls for something better.
Most of us will probably never be as sociable as we were before our trauma. Forcing ourselves to mingle in crowds where we feel panic, rage, suspicion, or depression only sets us back in our recovery process. So, we have to figure out how much interaction we can tolerate, and then engage in relationships where we feel safe.
God blessed me with a loving husband who always tries to make me feel safe. He's not always successful, but it's rarely his fault. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, PTSD rears up its ugly head to bite us again.
With Joe's help and the love of a few close friends, I have slowly progressed from feeling terrified in a room full of people to feeling in control of my emotions. When I start getting overwhelmed, I politely excuse myself. If I feel at ease, I thank God for bringing me into this inner circle that feels like family should have.
God sets the lonely in families,
he leads forth the prisoners with singing.
--Psalm 68:6a (NIV)
I avoided social situations for decades, because I didn't know how to relate to others who hadn't experienced abuse or trauma. What would I talk about? I was so busy protecting myself from further abuse that I couldn't possibly read the newspaper or keep up with current trends.
I was afraid that if I did open my mouth, I would say something that would make others uncomfortable. When I did share some of my experiences with them, they looked horrified and then either edged away from me or took pity on me. Both reactions were devastating.
I got to the point where I was terrified of what might come out of my own mouth. If I did say something, even something appropriate, I instantly felt like fleeing from the room.
Watching others talking and laughing often made me feel as if I were standing on the outside of life, looking in. I wanted to participate, but I didn't know how. Their laughter often served as a trigger to remind me that when the social hour ended, I would have to go back to a world they would never understand.
I know now that it's important for survivors of abuse and trauma to talk to someone they trust. Doing so helps to relieve us of the burden of shame and sense of alienation that we've been carrying around for so long. When we've released some of our pain, we make room in our souls for something better.
Most of us will probably never be as sociable as we were before our trauma. Forcing ourselves to mingle in crowds where we feel panic, rage, suspicion, or depression only sets us back in our recovery process. So, we have to figure out how much interaction we can tolerate, and then engage in relationships where we feel safe.
God blessed me with a loving husband who always tries to make me feel safe. He's not always successful, but it's rarely his fault. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, PTSD rears up its ugly head to bite us again.
With Joe's help and the love of a few close friends, I have slowly progressed from feeling terrified in a room full of people to feeling in control of my emotions. When I start getting overwhelmed, I politely excuse myself. If I feel at ease, I thank God for bringing me into this inner circle that feels like family should have.
God sets the lonely in families,
he leads forth the prisoners with singing.
--Psalm 68:6a (NIV)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Hire a Housekeeper
We are learning how to become more courageous in all areas of our lives during my series, Confident in God's Garden. Today, I'd like to address the benefits of hiring a housekeeper.
A clean house gives us peace of mind.
For the past several months, my responsibilities outside of my home have been growing. Someone suggested that I hire a housekeeper, and I thought the idea sounded ridiculous. Surely, I could keep up with my little cottage. It's just the two of us at home now, along with one little poodle.
As the weeks turned into months, I began to realize that the time I used to devote to cleaning was being taken up with far more important tasks. And as the dust bunnies multiplied and the piles of clutter grew taller, I began to feel overwhelmed.
What if someone dropped in for a visit? There was no way I could hide the growing mess. Worse, the disarray in the house was clouding my head. I couldn't concentrate well on my writing and other pursuits, because everywhere I turned, there was another unresolved housekeeping issue.
A breath of fresh air
My new housekeeper arrived today, and within a few hours, the house began to smell incredibly fresh. Her energy invigorated me and inspired me to clear my desk and throw away stacks of papers that had been mounting on every horizontal surface.
At the end of the day, I had accomplished more in just a few hours than I had in weeks. I parted with some of my money, but the peace of mind that the housekeeper brought was worth it.
I went out to an appointment and returned home this evening to glowing floors and the subtle scent of Murphy's Oil Soap. There is nothing sweeter than returning to a well-kept home. It provides us with a haven where we can relax and think clearly. And it prepares us for the rest we need to go back out into the world in the morning, full of confidence.
Having our spiritual house swept clean makes room for something new.
Jesus spoke to his followers about the importance of continued learning after becoming believers. We may make a clean sweep of our souls through faith in Christ, but if we don't work at maturing, we may be in danger of letting in evil things that we thought we had put behind us.
Jesus said, When a defiling evil spirit is expelled from someone, it drifts along through the desert looking for an oasis, some unsuspecting soul it can bedevil. When it doesn't find anyone, it says, 'I'll go back to my old haunt.' On return it finds the person spotlessly clean, but vacant. It then runs out and rounds up seven other spirits more evil than itself and they all move in, whooping it up. That person ends up far worse off than if he'd never gotten cleaned up in the first place. (Matt 12:43-44 MSG)
Maintaining our faith is similar to keeping up with our housework. It takes great effort in the beginning to whip both into shape, and each can be lost if we don't continue to look after them.
Taking care of our physical homes and our spiritual houses provides us with greater confidence. When our house is spotless, we don't worry about unexpected visitors. When we take care of our spiritual housekeeping through regular Bible reading, worship, and prayer, we don't get anxious about slipping back into old ways of living that separated us from God.
Today's Challenge
Does your house need a thorough cleaning? Does your spiritual life? Take a few minutes to consider the cleanliness of your home, as well as the cleanliness of your soul. If you need a housekeeper or a spiritual cleanse, find someone to help you get things in order.
A clean house gives us peace of mind.
For the past several months, my responsibilities outside of my home have been growing. Someone suggested that I hire a housekeeper, and I thought the idea sounded ridiculous. Surely, I could keep up with my little cottage. It's just the two of us at home now, along with one little poodle.
As the weeks turned into months, I began to realize that the time I used to devote to cleaning was being taken up with far more important tasks. And as the dust bunnies multiplied and the piles of clutter grew taller, I began to feel overwhelmed.
What if someone dropped in for a visit? There was no way I could hide the growing mess. Worse, the disarray in the house was clouding my head. I couldn't concentrate well on my writing and other pursuits, because everywhere I turned, there was another unresolved housekeeping issue.
A breath of fresh air
My new housekeeper arrived today, and within a few hours, the house began to smell incredibly fresh. Her energy invigorated me and inspired me to clear my desk and throw away stacks of papers that had been mounting on every horizontal surface.
At the end of the day, I had accomplished more in just a few hours than I had in weeks. I parted with some of my money, but the peace of mind that the housekeeper brought was worth it.
I went out to an appointment and returned home this evening to glowing floors and the subtle scent of Murphy's Oil Soap. There is nothing sweeter than returning to a well-kept home. It provides us with a haven where we can relax and think clearly. And it prepares us for the rest we need to go back out into the world in the morning, full of confidence.
Having our spiritual house swept clean makes room for something new.
Jesus spoke to his followers about the importance of continued learning after becoming believers. We may make a clean sweep of our souls through faith in Christ, but if we don't work at maturing, we may be in danger of letting in evil things that we thought we had put behind us.
Jesus said, When a defiling evil spirit is expelled from someone, it drifts along through the desert looking for an oasis, some unsuspecting soul it can bedevil. When it doesn't find anyone, it says, 'I'll go back to my old haunt.' On return it finds the person spotlessly clean, but vacant. It then runs out and rounds up seven other spirits more evil than itself and they all move in, whooping it up. That person ends up far worse off than if he'd never gotten cleaned up in the first place. (Matt 12:43-44 MSG)
Maintaining our faith is similar to keeping up with our housework. It takes great effort in the beginning to whip both into shape, and each can be lost if we don't continue to look after them.
Taking care of our physical homes and our spiritual houses provides us with greater confidence. When our house is spotless, we don't worry about unexpected visitors. When we take care of our spiritual housekeeping through regular Bible reading, worship, and prayer, we don't get anxious about slipping back into old ways of living that separated us from God.
Today's Challenge
Does your house need a thorough cleaning? Does your spiritual life? Take a few minutes to consider the cleanliness of your home, as well as the cleanliness of your soul. If you need a housekeeper or a spiritual cleanse, find someone to help you get things in order.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Why Is It So Hard to Forgive?
Today, we begin our series on forgiveness with more questions than answers. For the next 40 days, I will be posting on this topic Monday through Friday, with time off over the weekends to recharge my batteries. So, let's get started...
Why does God allow injustices such as childhood sexual abuse?
When people shatter our emotions and destroy our spirits with sexual abuse, it is difficult to understand why God allows such injustice. King David wrote in Psalm 82:2 (NIV): How long will you defend the unjust and show partiality to the wicked?
Who does God think he is, asking us to forgive criminals?
Before we can forgive, we must take a closer look at God's character. Understanding our creator helps us to see more clearly into his decrees for us to forgive. As part of this series, we will be learning about who our God is. And in doing so, we will begin to understand that the people who have hurt us were created in God's image, just as we were.
When is the time right for forgiving?
When we withhold forgiveness, we feel guilty. As Christians, we know that we are called to forgive. Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV) tells us: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Even though we know that we're supposed to forgive, we just can't do it right away. Why is that?
How can we expect both justice and forgiveness?
Our family has been turned upside-down by my father's sexual abuse of a number of us. In three weeks, he will be sentenced for one of those crimes. The judge wants the victims to help determine the punishment. This just makes us feel the guilt and shame of abuse all over again. How can we measure out a punishment, while extending forgiveness?
What are we supposed to do?
I have done a great deal of reading, attended countless hours of counseling, and asked a ton of questions. I still don't have all the answers to this prickly question of forgiving the people who have wounded us so deeply. I do, however, have some insights on the topic. Over the next 40 days, we'll be figuring out together what we must do to remove the roadblocks to forgiveness.
Give me your insights.
I need your help with this. Please send me your thoughts about why you believe it is so hard for survivors of abuse and trauma to forgive. Your comments can be made anonymously, and if you don't want them to be posted, I will keep them confidential. No comment ever gets published without my reading it and approving it first. So you don't need to be afraid that your personal information will be made public.
Forgiveness is a long journey, one with a destination that cannot be reached overnight. Thank you for traveling this road with me.
Why does God allow injustices such as childhood sexual abuse?
When people shatter our emotions and destroy our spirits with sexual abuse, it is difficult to understand why God allows such injustice. King David wrote in Psalm 82:2 (NIV): How long will you defend the unjust and show partiality to the wicked?
Who does God think he is, asking us to forgive criminals?
Before we can forgive, we must take a closer look at God's character. Understanding our creator helps us to see more clearly into his decrees for us to forgive. As part of this series, we will be learning about who our God is. And in doing so, we will begin to understand that the people who have hurt us were created in God's image, just as we were.
When is the time right for forgiving?
When we withhold forgiveness, we feel guilty. As Christians, we know that we are called to forgive. Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV) tells us: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Even though we know that we're supposed to forgive, we just can't do it right away. Why is that?
How can we expect both justice and forgiveness?
Our family has been turned upside-down by my father's sexual abuse of a number of us. In three weeks, he will be sentenced for one of those crimes. The judge wants the victims to help determine the punishment. This just makes us feel the guilt and shame of abuse all over again. How can we measure out a punishment, while extending forgiveness?
What are we supposed to do?
I have done a great deal of reading, attended countless hours of counseling, and asked a ton of questions. I still don't have all the answers to this prickly question of forgiving the people who have wounded us so deeply. I do, however, have some insights on the topic. Over the next 40 days, we'll be figuring out together what we must do to remove the roadblocks to forgiveness.
Give me your insights.
I need your help with this. Please send me your thoughts about why you believe it is so hard for survivors of abuse and trauma to forgive. Your comments can be made anonymously, and if you don't want them to be posted, I will keep them confidential. No comment ever gets published without my reading it and approving it first. So you don't need to be afraid that your personal information will be made public.
Forgiveness is a long journey, one with a destination that cannot be reached overnight. Thank you for traveling this road with me.
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