We are in week seven of my nine-week series, Thriving in God’s Garden. It is based on Galatians 5:22, the 'fruit' of the Spirit. This week, we are learning about faithfulness, and today I would like to get you thinking about building security through faithfulness.
Kings are great diplomats.
Proverbs 20:28 (NIV) tells us, Love and faithfulness keep a king safe; through love his throne is made secure. Kings who are wise build strong alliances with their subjects, as well as neighboring countries, by treating others with benevolence and kindness. As a result, the people become endeared to a great leader and remain his loyal supporters.
Our faithfulness toward others builds loyalty.
When we faithfully treat our friends and family with love and kindness, just as the wise king did in the passage above, we become endeared to them. As a result, when we are sick or in trouble, we can count on our friends to help us. If we have friends who stand by us through life’s ups and downs, we are probably the type of people who have worked hard to earn that loyalty. We understand faithfulness.
As survivors, it is often difficult to remain faithful.
Many of us struggle with remaining faithful to our relationships, because abuse or trauma can make us fearful and controlling. This is a particularly common outcome in people who were sexually abused in early childhood. Having no control over our bodies when we were young keeps us perpetually on our toes to make sure that no one hurts us again.
The trouble with this type of hyper-vigilant behavior is that it pushes away the very people we most want as our loyal supporters. If they are honest with us, we may hear from them that we are very bossy, perfectionistic, demanding, or controlling. We may marry or make friends with people who tend to be very passive, because most other people can’t stand our need to be in charge.
Because we don’t know how to back off and let others be themselves, we often find it easier to leave a relationship than to remain faithful to it. While we yearn for security, we often unwittingly destroy it by running from our commitments.
The only person we can control is ourselves.
Abuse victims generally take one of three directions:
1) they become abusers;
2) they rescue others; or
3) they remain victims.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably working your way out of the third category, because you realize that being victimized for the rest of time is not a worthwhile endeavor. And my guess is that you’re probably not an abuser, or you wouldn’t be interested in what I have to say about surviving abuse.
That leaves most of us in that category of rescuing, which places us in a position of constantly searching for ways to improve everyone around us…even when they don’t ask for our help. This gets us into a great deal of trouble, because we focus too much on others’ faults and nowhere near enough on our own.
I had the privilege many years ago of attending Al-Anon for Adult Children of Alcoholics. There, I learned the slogan, detach with love. This concept made little sense to me at first, because I felt that it meant my abusers were no longer responsible for their actions if I quit trying to control them. But, eventually I figured out that to detach with love means that I must mind my own business and let others mind theirs. I must let go and let God help my abusers work out their own issues.
Quit rescuing and start living your own life.
When we quit trying to save the rest of the world from their problems, we discover that we have far more time and energy to devote to our own issues. Our relationships with friends and family members improve, because we are no longer annoying everyone we encounter with our unsolicited advice.
I know that detaching with love is a difficult task, because it has always been my greatest battle. When I control, I drive away the people I love the most. And when that happens, I feel really depressed. There are times when I have considered walking away from my life to live in solitude, because it feels as if it would simply be easier.
I would like to encourage you to work toward growing in the area of faithfulness. Instead of giving up on a spouse or a friend, find a way to detach with love. Get your own career off the ground and take your focus off your mate’s. Quit hovering over your children and free them to be themselves.
This detachment/faithfulness combination may feel as strange to you as breathing underwater, but I can tell you that it works to build the loyalty of friends and family members. I have found much greater peace by concerning myself with my own life and letting others live their own than I have ever found in trying to rescue or fix others’ problems.
Today’s Challenge
Are you a rescuer? Do you find yourself constantly nagging someone else to change or improve? Give up those behaviors and start looking inward for ways to build the fruit of the Spirit. Remain faithful to those you love and set them free to become whoever God created them to be. In doing so, you will create security within a network of supportive relationships.
Showing posts with label Al-Anon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Al-Anon. Show all posts
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Mastermind Your Way to Success
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #46
Masterminding is the process of meeting with five or six people every week to problem-solve, brainstorm, network, encourage, and motivate each other. Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, and Harvey Firestone met regularly at their winter mansions in Fort Myers, Florida to encourage one another.
The secret to the success of masterminding is that God stands at the center of any group where all of the members are focused on the same goals. In Matthew 18:20, God promises, For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Accelerate your growth through a mastermind group.
More can be achieved in less time when people work together. When we share new perspectives, knowledge, experiences, and resoucrces with others, we can move beyond our own limited view of the world.
A mastermind group can be made up of people from a single industry or from a variety of professions. The members can focus on business issues, personal issues, or both.
In a mastermind group, everyone must be comfortable enough with each other to tell the truth. By keeping confidences about what is shared in the group, participants can progress rapidly.
Through loving confrontation, group members can help others to grow. Jack Canfield's partners confronted him about overcommitting, selling his services too cheaply, focusing on trivial issues, failing to delegate, and playing it safe. He really appreciated their help and their honesty.
I have been a member of Al-Anon, which is similar to Jack's mastermind group; but instead of focusing on business, I learned to cope with the alcoholics and other dysfunctional members in my family. Within the confidential safety of Al-Anon, adult children of alcoholics, victims of incest, and survivors of sexual abuse can learn new perspectives, problem-solving skills, networking, encouragement, and motivation.
There are many mastermind groups which are similar to Al-Anon. They help people to cope with a multitude of problems, such as grief, divorce, job loss, step-parenting, and many other life issues.
Organize a mastermind group.
Anyone can organize a mastermind group, even if they haven't yet achieved their goals. The success of organizing a mastermind group lies in inviting members who are a notch above us. If that seems intimidating, remember that we're the ones organizing and facilitating the group, so it's relatively easy for our would-be mentors to get involved. Jack reminds us to keep the group to five or six people so that everyone's needs get met.
Conduct mastermind meetings for success.
Mastermind meetings should occur once every week or two for 1 to 2 hours. For the first few meetings, one member should familiarize the others with his situation, opportunities, needs, and challenges. In later meetings, each member gets a specified amount of time to update the others, get feedback, and ask for help. One person must be assigned to serve as the timekeeper.
Jack recommends following a set format for proven results:
1) Ask for spritiual guidance by delivering an invocation.
Mastermind meetings should always begin with a request for God's spirit to surround them and guide them. Members can share this duty, or one person can be assigned to handle it.
2) Share what's new and good.
Each meeting should begin with a success story. This habit keeps the group focused on the positive.
3) Negotiate for time.
Each member negotiates at the beginning of the meetings for the time needed to address issues. This prevents monopolizers or dominators from driving away other particiants.
4) Individuals speak while others listen and then brainstorm solutions.
Discussions can include a variety of topics, such as: "I need to find a new assistant;" or "I'm looking for a psychologist to help me with my child's behavior problems;" or "I need to learn how to set better boundaries."
After the person has described their problem, the rest of the group brainstorms possible solutions. The minute the allotted time has been used, the timekeeper states, "Time's up!" The discussion moves immediately to the next person.
5) Make a commitment to stretch.
Prior to the close of each meeting, the timekeeper should ask each member to state briefly what his next action will be to move himself closer to his goal. This ensures that the group keeps moving forward.
6) End with a moment of gratitude.
All meetings should end with a group prayer to express gratitude. One person can lead it, or each person can contribute.
7) Be accountable.
At the opening of the next meeting, each person should report whether or not he carried out his actions as promised. This is one of the most powerful aspects of mastermind groups, because we're more likely to carry through on a commitment if someone is expecting results from us.
Find an accountability partner.
If it's not possible to join a mastermind group, we can follow this same format with an accountability partner. I have done this a number of times, with mixed outcomes.
If the partner we choose is as committed as we are to achieving success, it works well. But if our partner doesn't listen to us, fails to follow our advice, or breaks commitments; it's more difficult to help her achieve success. I believe a larger group wields a lot more power than one person does in holding someone accountable.
Get started with a mastermind group now.
For those of you interested in growing a business, you can get information about masterminding through the Young Entrepreneurs Organization, The Executive Committee, and the Young Presidents' Organization online at www.yeo.org, www.teconline.com, and www.ypo.org.
For those looking to address personal issues, look online or in your local newspaper for information about Al-Anon groups, religious organization support groups, parenting associations, or weight-loss meeting places.
Today's Challenge
Organize your own mastermind group this week or join an organization that will allow you to brainstorm with others who share similar interests. If you can't join a mastermind group, find an accountability partner through a Stephen Ministry program, therapist, Al-Anon sponsor, or business person who shares similar interests.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Masterminding is the process of meeting with five or six people every week to problem-solve, brainstorm, network, encourage, and motivate each other. Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, and Harvey Firestone met regularly at their winter mansions in Fort Myers, Florida to encourage one another.
The secret to the success of masterminding is that God stands at the center of any group where all of the members are focused on the same goals. In Matthew 18:20, God promises, For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Accelerate your growth through a mastermind group.
More can be achieved in less time when people work together. When we share new perspectives, knowledge, experiences, and resoucrces with others, we can move beyond our own limited view of the world.
A mastermind group can be made up of people from a single industry or from a variety of professions. The members can focus on business issues, personal issues, or both.
In a mastermind group, everyone must be comfortable enough with each other to tell the truth. By keeping confidences about what is shared in the group, participants can progress rapidly.
Through loving confrontation, group members can help others to grow. Jack Canfield's partners confronted him about overcommitting, selling his services too cheaply, focusing on trivial issues, failing to delegate, and playing it safe. He really appreciated their help and their honesty.
I have been a member of Al-Anon, which is similar to Jack's mastermind group; but instead of focusing on business, I learned to cope with the alcoholics and other dysfunctional members in my family. Within the confidential safety of Al-Anon, adult children of alcoholics, victims of incest, and survivors of sexual abuse can learn new perspectives, problem-solving skills, networking, encouragement, and motivation.
There are many mastermind groups which are similar to Al-Anon. They help people to cope with a multitude of problems, such as grief, divorce, job loss, step-parenting, and many other life issues.
Organize a mastermind group.
Anyone can organize a mastermind group, even if they haven't yet achieved their goals. The success of organizing a mastermind group lies in inviting members who are a notch above us. If that seems intimidating, remember that we're the ones organizing and facilitating the group, so it's relatively easy for our would-be mentors to get involved. Jack reminds us to keep the group to five or six people so that everyone's needs get met.
Conduct mastermind meetings for success.
Mastermind meetings should occur once every week or two for 1 to 2 hours. For the first few meetings, one member should familiarize the others with his situation, opportunities, needs, and challenges. In later meetings, each member gets a specified amount of time to update the others, get feedback, and ask for help. One person must be assigned to serve as the timekeeper.
Jack recommends following a set format for proven results:
1) Ask for spritiual guidance by delivering an invocation.
Mastermind meetings should always begin with a request for God's spirit to surround them and guide them. Members can share this duty, or one person can be assigned to handle it.
2) Share what's new and good.
Each meeting should begin with a success story. This habit keeps the group focused on the positive.
3) Negotiate for time.
Each member negotiates at the beginning of the meetings for the time needed to address issues. This prevents monopolizers or dominators from driving away other particiants.
4) Individuals speak while others listen and then brainstorm solutions.
Discussions can include a variety of topics, such as: "I need to find a new assistant;" or "I'm looking for a psychologist to help me with my child's behavior problems;" or "I need to learn how to set better boundaries."
After the person has described their problem, the rest of the group brainstorms possible solutions. The minute the allotted time has been used, the timekeeper states, "Time's up!" The discussion moves immediately to the next person.
5) Make a commitment to stretch.
Prior to the close of each meeting, the timekeeper should ask each member to state briefly what his next action will be to move himself closer to his goal. This ensures that the group keeps moving forward.
6) End with a moment of gratitude.
All meetings should end with a group prayer to express gratitude. One person can lead it, or each person can contribute.
7) Be accountable.
At the opening of the next meeting, each person should report whether or not he carried out his actions as promised. This is one of the most powerful aspects of mastermind groups, because we're more likely to carry through on a commitment if someone is expecting results from us.
Find an accountability partner.
If it's not possible to join a mastermind group, we can follow this same format with an accountability partner. I have done this a number of times, with mixed outcomes.
If the partner we choose is as committed as we are to achieving success, it works well. But if our partner doesn't listen to us, fails to follow our advice, or breaks commitments; it's more difficult to help her achieve success. I believe a larger group wields a lot more power than one person does in holding someone accountable.
Get started with a mastermind group now.
For those of you interested in growing a business, you can get information about masterminding through the Young Entrepreneurs Organization, The Executive Committee, and the Young Presidents' Organization online at www.yeo.org, www.teconline.com, and www.ypo.org.
For those looking to address personal issues, look online or in your local newspaper for information about Al-Anon groups, religious organization support groups, parenting associations, or weight-loss meeting places.
Today's Challenge
Organize your own mastermind group this week or join an organization that will allow you to brainstorm with others who share similar interests. If you can't join a mastermind group, find an accountability partner through a Stephen Ministry program, therapist, Al-Anon sponsor, or business person who shares similar interests.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
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