Acknowledge Your Positive Past

Jack Canfield's Success Principle #26

Most of us were raised by parents and teachers who paid far more attention to our failings than to our successes. Our brains are wired to remember things that are closely associated to strong emotions. The shame or fear that adults instilled in us brought about powerful feelings of failure. We remember those well.

If we want to re-progrgam our minds to forget these negative feelings, we must consciously focus on and celebrate our successes. Jack Canfield offers some helpful exercises for improving self-esteem in today's lesson.

Use the poker chip theory of self-esteem and success.
Unless we begin to celebrate our successes, our self-esteem will remain low. Think about the game of poker, where the players must place bets. If you have only 5 chips, and I have 200, I'll probably have greater confidence and take more risks than you will. I can make forty 5-chip bets before I'm out. You can only make one.

This poker-chip theory applies to our self-esteem. If we have very little self-esteem, we won't take risks. We'll bow out of opportunities just to save face. But if we have 200 poker chips worth of self-esteem, we'll stick out your necks and risk feeling a little uncomfortable.

Begin by listing 9 major successes.
To help raise our self-esteem, we can begin to make an inventory of our major successes. Divide your life into three equal time periods. Then, list three successes you've had for each time period. My list looks like this:

Birth to 17

1. Sewed my first dress at the age of nine
2. Won the leading lady's role in our community theater
3. Got accepted to the University of Michigan

Age 18 to 34

1. Published my first book
2. Gave birth to three healthy babies
3. Earned a bachelor's and a master's degree

Age 35 to 50

1. Wrote a biography in 42 days
2. Set myself free from my abusive spouse
3. Landed a job as a magazine editor

Create a Victory Log.
A powerful way to increase our self-esteem is to create a Victory Log. We can recall and write down our successes each day. Later, we can re-read them to boost our self-confidence. Jack suggests expanding this list to 101 accomplishments. This can be difficult, but as our self-esteem improves, our memories of positive experiences will, too.

Display your success symbols.
Another way to build our self-esteem is to surround ourselves with symbols of our success. Last week, I hung a collection of framed objects over my desk. These include my diplomas, the cover of my first two books, and the cover of the magazine I edited. It also includes a painting I recently completed and a photo of a dock overlooking a lake.

This technique works on our subconscious mind to program us into believing that we are winners. It also conveys that message to others who see what we have accomplished.

Practice the mirror exercise daily.
The mirror exercise is designed to provide us with acknowledgement for our daily successes. Just before going to bed, stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself out loud how proud you are for any achievements you can claim, any personal disciplines you kept, and any temptations that you did not give in to.

Jack explains that this exercise can actually make people so uncomfortable that they break out in hives, sweat profusely, or feel nauseated. It makes most people feel silly, embarrassed, or uncomfortable at first. We are taught that we should never toot our own horn, become a stuffed shirt, or get a swelled head.

This exercise is designed to counteract the old parental wounds, unrealistic expectations, and self-judgements that we've been carrying around for years. Jack recommends doing the mirror exercise each night for 90 days. After that, we can decide whether or not we want to continue it.

Reward your inner child.
Each of us is made up of three distinct ego states: parent, adult, and child. The adult ego gathers data and makes logical decisions. It helps us remember appointments, figure out taxes, and balance the checkbook.

Our parent ego tells us to do the things according to its critical standards. These things include tasks such as brushing our teeth, meeting deadlines, and finishing projects. The parent ego also has a nurturing side that lets us know we're protected, well cared for, and loved. It ackowledges us when we do a good job.

Our child ego whines, begs for attention, craves hugs, and acts out when it doesn't get its way. Most of us ignore our inner child's needs, because we are still trying to measure up to our perfectionistic parents' standards.

We can regularly reward our child ego for its accomplishments: for sitting quietly at a desk until a job is done, finishing a task on time, avoiding temptations, and so on. Rewards for our inner child might include reading a novel, going to the movies, playing with a friend, listening to music, or dancing.

For those of us who grew up with abusive parents, our parent ego often reminds us that we are failures. My friend told me this week that she gets nervous whenever someone watches her performing a task that she feels should be done to exacting standards. She realizes that this unfounded fear comes from her father's emotional abuse, but she still struggles to measure up to his perfectisionistic demands.

If we have suffered abuse, we can remember that our heavenly Father loves us very much. Even if our earthly parents failed to make us feel loved and appreciated, God can satisfy our longings. Psalm 13:5 reads, But I trust in your unfailing love. We can turn to God's Word regularly to remind our child egos that we are special and very much appreciated.

Today's Challenge
1. Write your nine major successes. Expand it to include 101 successes.
2. Start making entries in your Victory Log.
3. Practice the mirror exercise.
4. Reward your inner child today for a job well-done.