Face What Isn't Working

Jack Canfield's Success Principle #30

Successful people look at circumstances that are not working, and they take appropriate actions to change things. On the other hand, people living in denial ignore the 'yellow alerts' that Jack talked about in a previous chapter. If we are living in denial, we look away from obvious problems by:

-ignoring a hostile and toxic work environment;
-drinking caffeine to overcome our lack of physical energy;
-using drugs or alcohol to soothe ourselves;
-avoiding the mirror because of our excess weight;
-putting off doctors' appointments to address our poor health;
-excusing our obesity, because everyone else is bigger than we are;
-turning a blind eye to a spouse who abuses, neglects, or cheats on us; or
-avoiding confrontation with people who hurt us.

Remember the yellow alerts.
Yellow alerts are little signals that we get both externally and internally that something is not right. We often ignore these warnings, because confronting them might make us uncomfortable. We continue to put up with intolerable circumstances, because we don't want to step outside of our comfort zone.

Successful people are in touch with reality. They are willing to look at the truth about situations, and then they deal with it. They never attempt to hide it or deny it.

Know when to hold them, know when to fold them.
Before we can fix our problems, we must be able to recognize them. Then, we have to decide that we're going to take action. So many people are in such deep denial, that they actually say they're happy with a situation when they not. In other words, they're living a lie.

During the 20 years that I remained with my first husband, I lived a lie. Everyone thought we lived a charmed life, because we were wealthy, well-educated, and lived in a series of beautiful homes. The truth is, I was miserable, but I would never let on. For a long time, it was easier to tell myself that I could live with the agony of a troubled marriage. Attempting to leave only made the abuse worse in the short run.

A psychiatrist finally broke through my denial. On my first visit to his office, he asked why I stayed with an abuser. I told him it's what God expected of me. He looked me sqaurely in the eye and asked, "You think you can make a leopard change its spots? Stop a speeding train?" His questions rattled me, and I didn't like his approach. But he got me thinking, and I eventually came to understand: I could never change my ex-husband, but I could change my response to the abuse. It took less than a year to clearly see the hopelessness of my broken marriage and to file for divorce.

Denial is based on fear.
When we live in denial, it's because we're afraid to face the truth. The Bible tells us more than 300 times not to be afraid. When I was trying to work up the courage to leave my first husband, I turned to Scripture daily for boldness. Psalm 118:6 reads, The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? When our lives are a mess, we must trust that God will walk with us to get us back on the path he has in mind for us.

Jack points out the good news in breaking free from uncomfortable situations. The more we face what isn't working, the easier it gets. And when we become better at recognizing yellow alerts, the more quickly we take action.

Today's Challenge
Make a list of what isn't working in your life. Be sure to include the seven major areas: finances, career, recreation, health, relationships, personal growth, and community service. Ask others to tell you what they see that is not working for you. Ask them to make suggestions about how to improve each situation. Choose one suggested action and do it. Then keep taking another action each day until the situation is resolved.