Be Hear Now

Jack Canfield's Success Principle #48

Active listening--not just hearing--is the art of paying thoughtful attention to what a person is trying to communicate. It requires us to maintain eye contact, watch the speaker's body language, ask for clarification, and discern any unspoken messages.

Argue less and listen more.
Many people become defensive when we tell them that we are dissatisfied with some aspect of their behavior. Argumentative people who don't listen to constructive criticism generally fail to succeed in many endeavors.

If we want to be successful, we must learn to argue less and listen more. If we respond to feedback and adjust our actions, we can create more satisfying relationships, earn more respect from others, and reach our goals more quickly.

Be interested, rather than interesting.
For many abuse survivors, trying to carry on a conversation can be a challenge. We've been muted for so long, we don't know where to begin. We feel awkward with people we don't know well, and it's hard to trust ourselves to say something intelligent.

This tip should actually be easier for us than for many other people. Instead of trying to amuse, impress, or inform others; we can simply listen to what they have to say. When we become interested in others, we develop curiosity about what they feel, how they think, and how they see the world. We can discover their hopes, dreams, and fears. By doing this, others respond by seeking us!

In the movie, Being There, Peter Sellers was a mentally-challenged gardener whose wealthy employer died suddenly. Without anyone to look after his needs, Chancey Gardener went out into the world without a clue about how to manage his life. He was a man of so few words that everyone thought he was brilliant. He even managed to get himself elected President of the United States! Sometimes, the best way to impress others is to keep our mouths shut.

The wisdom behind active listening can also be found in Proverbs 18:13. He who answers before listening--that is his folly and his shame. We can't possibly answer anyone intelligently if we haven't taken the time to listen carefully to the message. We end up looking foolish or embarrassing ourselves when we fail to listen first.

Learn and apply these four powerful questions.
The next time you want to establish rapport with a business associate or a friend, try asking the following questions. Keep your mouth shut and listen to their responses. Jack swears you'll be amazed with the results, which he claims are magical.

1) If we were meeting three years from today, what has to have happened during that time for you to feel happy about your progress?

2) What are the biggest dangers you'll have to face and deal with in order to achieve that progress?

3) What are the biggest opportunities facing you that you would need to focus on and capture to achieve those things?

4) What strengths will you need to reinforce and maximize; and what skills and resources will you need to develop which you don't currently have in order to capture those opportunities?

Today's Challenge
Write down these four questions on an index card and carry it with you. Practice asking someone each question over lunch or dinner today. If the person doesn't want to answer the questions or can't come up with any responses, they are probably not the kind of individual with whom you should be doing business or forming close relationships. Either they may be unaware of their life purpose, or they don't trust others. In either case, reconsider how much of your time you should spend trying to help such closed-off people to achieve their goals.

Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com