Are You a Winner or a Whiner?

The last time I checked the calendar, daffodils were blooming, and I was preparing for our daughter's June wedding. Suddenly, it's October, and the leaves are turning crimson. What happened???

Have you ever been through seasons like this? There are times in my life that I absolutely cannot remember. When we find ourselves in challenging relationships, memories can be particularly difficult to retrieve, because extreme stress can blind us to the normal course of events that surround us.

Recently, I've discovered that there are three steps all of us can take to maintain good memories when we wind up in stressful situations.

First, we must come to understand how we got into this trouble to begin with. If we did something stupid or used poor judgment, now is the time to admit it and ask God to help us work things out. If it looks as if something random has blindsided us, we need to ask God to help us understand what we are to do as we wait it out.

For example, I knew when I was walking down the aisle to marry my first husband that I was making a terrible mistake. He had been exhibiting signs of abusive tendencies for a long time, and I ignored them. The ensuing years of trouble were partly my own fault, because I didn't listen to the Holy Spirit's urging me to run from a man who would later hurt me.

On the other hand, sitting at a traffic light after leaving church this summer and getting rear-ended by a drunk was not my fault. My injuries were just one of those unfortunate things in life that happens as a result of someone else's sin.

Second, we need to ask ourselves whether or not it is in our best interest to continue in a troubling lifestyle. Getting out from under an oppressive employer can be difficult, and leaving an abusive marriage may seem downright impossible. Likewise, sitting through a class that is run by a dictator may feel interminable, but we must decide whether staying or leaving will be best for us in the long run. This is a difficult process that can take a long time to figure out.

Jumping from the frying pan into the fire isn't a smart move, either. I tried running away from home when I was five, but I didn't get very far before I realized that I needed to use a bathroom. No one would allow me to use their facilities along my escape trail, and I was forced to return home. We must weigh all of our options before leaving a difficult situation. God may want us to grow through it. A qualified counselor or an accountability partner can help us to clarify our choices.

Third, if we can't extricate ourselves from a bad situation, we must focus on what is good in it. I was constantly stressed as a child by alcoholism and abuse. Eventually, I discovered a place of safety in our church's nursery. Loving care givers provided me with a haven where I could play without being hurt. I developed a love for kaleidoscopes and Jesus as a result of going there. I couldn't run away from my unhappy family, but I found ways to see the goodness of God while I was under my parents' authority.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 reads, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." This verse has often reminded me to look for the good in all situations. It has also kept me mindful of the need for constant prayer.

Winners look for the positives. If we see ourselves as overcomers who are empowered by God to manage our lives to the best of our abilities, we can often steer ourselves out of bad situations.

Whiners dwell on the negatives. They typically see themselves as victims and spend an inordinate amount of energy trying to discredit the people who take advantage of them. They frequently remain stuck in bad relationships because they use up all of their energy complaining and pointing fingers.

I haven't always been a winner. In fact, I've probably spent a good deal of my life whining. It isn't always easy to be joyful, particularly when our lives feel overwhelming. But if we are faithful to the disciplines of prayer and gratitude, we can feel better, no matter what circumstances may occur. Even if we remain trapped for a while in an unsavory setting, at least we have the joy of knowing that God is there with us.

And when we do break free from the pain and suffering, our joy bubbles over! By developing an attitude of thankfulness and good cheer during the bad times, we find it much easier to remain joyful when our lives improve.

Lately, God has given me a respite from months of pain. Guess what? The sky seems bluer, the autumn leaves flutter in the breeze more beautifully, and the sun sparkles on the lake like it never has before. I can see clearly that God has stayed close through the long, dark nights of pain. And now that it is behind me, he is shining brightly in every corner of my world. Today is etched deeply into my memory, because I have taken time to savor the good things in life, instead of dwelling on the bad.

How about you? Are you a winner or a whiner? Choose today to assess your troubles, make a decision to stay or to remove yourself from a bad situation when the time is right, and then thank God for walking through the fire with you.