Restitution Makes Our Apologies Sincere

We have just two days remaining in this series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. We have discovered that asking God to forgive us and apologizing to the people we have hurt helps us to understand what we want our enemies to do. Before we can forgive them, we must figure out how to achieve forgiveness from the people we have wronged.

What is restitution?
The dictionary defines restitution as 1) the act of restoring to the rightful owner soemthing that has been taken away, lost, or surrendered; and 2) the act of making good or compensating for loss, damage, or injury.

The Bible is very clear about how restitution comes into play during the process of forgiving. The Lord said to Moses, "Say to the Israelites: 'When a man or woman wrongs another in any way and so is unfaithful to the Lord, that person is guilty and must confess the sin he has committed. He must make full restitution for his wrong, add one fifth to it and give it all to the person he has wronged.'" (Number 5:5-7 NIV)

This decree was given to ancient Israel to ensure that relationships were restored between the offender and God, as well as between the guilty party and the person he wronged. I really like the fact that this passage shows us that when we hurt someone else, we become unfaithful to God. As our love for God grows, we should become more and more hesitant to hurt others.

God's law remains in effect today. And when it comes to forgiveness, restitution is still an important act. Whenever we offer to repay what we have stolen or spoiled, we open the door to the other person's heart. With an open heart, the person we have wronged becomes more capable of offering us the type of lasting forgiveness that we desire.

How can we offer restitution?
When we apologize to someone, we should freely offer restitution to them so that they know we are sincere. For example, if I borrow my friend's car and crumple the fender while backing into a parking space, I should pay to repair the car. I should add one-fifth to the damages by also providing her with a rental car during the repair period, having her car detailed afterward, or giving her an additional gift of my choosing.

Imagine in this scenario if I merely handed my friend the car keys, said "I'm sorry," and walked away without offering anything else. Our relationship would probably be over. She might burn with anger every time she looked at the dent in her fender. My lack of restitution could actually lead to her sin of repressed anger, revenge, or hatred.

The more we give and the longer we continue giving to someone we have wronged, the more credible we become in the eyes of the person who is trying to forgive us. Remember, restitution is important, because it serves as a salve to the emotional wounds that must be healed before complete forgiveness can be offered.

Restitution is what we are longing for from our enemies.
For those of us who have suffered traumatic events or abuse, forgiveness means that someone makes our enemy repay what he stole from us. Childhood sexual abuse is one of the most costly crimes imaginable, because it robs a child of her trust in humankind, her self-confidence, and her courage. It leaves her in a state of depression that may linger for the rest of her life. What price can we put on such losses?

The court system agrees with psychotherapists that it will generally take a survivor of childhood sexual abuse approximately 7 to 15 years of regular treatment sessions to resume living as the rest of the world does. The out-of-pocket costs for such treatment averages $75 per hour. If a survivor of abuse attends treatment every other week, the cost of treatment ranges from $13,650 to $29,250.

Add to these costs the heavy penalty that the survivor pays throughout her life as she struggles to interact with others. Her fears, low self-esteem, guilt, shame, and depression serve to hamper many of her efforts. She may never achieve all that she had hoped for prior to the abuse. There is no amount of money that can ever restore such profound losses.

With profound loss comes extreme anger and hatred. We have learned how counter-productive these feelings are, but we understand why they are there.

Can you see why the offender offering restitution is so critical? As he pays to restore what was lost, the victim's feelings of anger and hatred subside. Eventually, she will get to a point of feeling that he has done enough. Then, she will be ready to say those all important words, "I forgive you."

Do whatever it takes to restore relationships.
We can choose to do whatever it takes to restore harmony between ourselves and the people we have hurt. In doing so, we help them to forgive us. This is desirable for both of us, because if they can't forgive us, God won't forgive them for their wrongs. We may play a huge part in keeping someone at a distance from God if we don't apologize and make things right. Remember, our sin hurts others, but it also hurts everyone's relationship with God.

Now, we have a complete picture of what forgiveness looks like. We identify God's character, figure out how we have failed, admit our problems to God, ask for his forgiveness, accept his grace, change our ways, ask others to forgive us, and then offer restitution. As you can see, forgiveness is a long process. Tomorrow, we will apply this process to our enemies as we conclude our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness.

Today's Challenge
In your journal, make a list of the people you have hurt over the years. Begin today to offer apologies and restitution to everyone on your list. While you wait for your enemy to find a way to extend an apology to you, your actions will help you and many others to become restored to God and one another.