Love Your Enemies

We continue today with our series, Thriving in God's Garden, a study based on the fruit of the Spirit as described in Galatians 5:22. This week, we are learning about our love relationship with God and with others. Today, I would like to discuss how we can love our enemies.

What does the Bible say about love for our enemies?
Luke 6:27-28 (NIV) reads: But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Jesus spoke these words to his disciples to make three points:

1) We should never treat others spitefully, even when they abuse us;
2) We should love everyone; and
3) We should go the extra mile to express love to our enemies.

How can we protect ourselves from further abuse?
When I used to read this passage, my warning signals began going off. I knew that if I expressed love in practical ways to the abusive people in my life, they would come after me like a pack of wolves on an injured sheep.

We often mistakenly interpret this message to mean that we must put ourselves into a relationship with people who abuse us. This is not what Jesus meant. We can love them from a distance, and Jesus gave us examples of how we might do that.

Show your enemies your love in appropriate ways.
For women who have been victims of domestic violence or adults who suffered childhood sexual abuse, expressing love to their abusers can be difficult. But it is not impossible.

First, let me say that there are ways to express love to abusers that I would not recommend. If your expression of love results in your abuser verbally abusing you, emotionally destroying you at every opportunity, physically harming you, or taking advantage of you sexually for their own gratification; you should immediately remove yourself and any children from such a situation. Every individual's emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual safety must be considered first.

Many abusers do not have the skills to live within a relationship without hurting or using others. Therefore, we must be careful to protect ourselves when we express love to them. If we are kind to them, and in return we receive more abuse, it may be time to step back and wait. In some cases, our abusers may never respond appropriately, but at least we can say we have tried.

When we are in a safe place and free from further abuse, we can find ways to express love to that person who hurt us. From a human perspective, this can feel impossible. But if we pray and ask Jesus to help us love, we may be surprised by what happens.

At first, loving our enemies begins with a lessening of the hatred and anger we feel toward them. Over time, we let go of our need to control the situation or to seek revenge. Eventually, with God's help, we can get to the point where we actually wish only good for our abusers.

When we get to that point of recovery, we can find ways to do good for our abusers and to bless them. Here are some practical ways we can bless our abusers without getting hurt again. We can:

-Stop bringing up the past and recounting all of the horrific things our abusers did. We can talk about our pain with a counselor or with God, and then let it go.
-Pray that God will bless our abusers with the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
-Send our abusers simple cards of encouragement with loving Scripture verses included.
-If our abusers are incarcerated, we can send them gift packages that are provided by the prison system. These include food items, books, and games.

Don't use love to control outcomes with your enemies.
We learned in our previous series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, that we are the last person our abuser needs to point out how he should change. If his heart is ever open, he may accept correction from someone else. This is not a job that we should take on.

Remember, the only person we can ever change is ourselves. So when we send cards or gifts, our underlying purpose must be only to express love, not to force an outcome that we desire.

When we express love to people who hate us, curse us, and do all kinds of evil things to hurt us; there is no longer much room in our hearts for returning the evil. It's hard to hate someone while expressing kindness to them. This is why Jesus encourages us to love everyone. It's a great antidote for getting stuck in a place of bitterness and revenge.

Today's Challenge
Take some time to think about how you might safely express love to someone who has hurt you. Make a list of ideas and share it with a counselor or trusted friend. Ask them to help you sort out which ideas would be most helpful to your enemy without jeopardizing your safety. Take action to express love in one way to your enemy when the timing is right.