Jack Canfield's Success Principle #34
In today's lesson, Jack talks about our daily behavior. Believe it or not, 90% of our behavior is habitual. In other words, we're on auto-pilot most of the time. We don't have to think very hard to brush our teeth, tie our shoes, eat our meals, and so on.
The good news is that these automatic behaviors allow us to do several things at once, such as talking on the phone and washing dishes at the same time. The bad news is that we can get stuck in self-defeating behaviors that limit our growth and potential for success.
Whether we have good habits or bad habits, both will determine our outcomes. Successful people get to the top with focused action, personal discipline, and lots of energy. Unsuccessful people, on the other hand, practice habits that breed negative outcomes.
Look at the list of unsuccessful habits below:
-procrastinating;
-paying bills at the last minute;
-missing deadlines;
-arriving late for meetings;
-forgetting someone's name as soon as they're introduced;
-talking over other people, instead of listening;
-taking phone calls during family time;
-breaking commitments to family members to help people in crisis;
-handling mail more than once;
-working late on a regular basis;
-choosing work over our spouse and children; and
-eating fast food more than twice per week.
We can say that we want to achieve a goal, but we must change our habits to make that goal a reality. For example, if we say we want to lose weight, we must change our habits to acutally shed the unwanted pounds. Exercise is imperative in all weight loss programs. So, in order to get to the gym regularly, we might need to choose to go to bed earlier and set the alarm an hour earlier.
I made the conscious decision when I began writing this blog that I would forego watching movies at night so that I could spend time reading The Success Principles and taking notes. The change in outcomes for me has been amazing. I feel so much more confident and capable than I used to. I'm accomplishing far more each day than I ever believed was possible.
The Bible also provides us with an excellent example of a negative habit being replaced by a positive one. In speaking about young widows, we read in I Timothy 5:13-15: Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.
Today's Challenge
If we develop just four new habits each year, in five years, we could have 20 new success habits. Start today by listing four habits that you want to work on in 2011. Commit to working on one habit per quarter next year. Put up signs around the house to remind yourself to change your habits. Partner up with someone, keep score, and hold each other accountable.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Friday, December 17, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Transcend Your Limiting Beliefs
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #33
We all hold beliefs that limit our success. They are thoughts that stop us from achieving our goals. Look at the following list of limiting beliefs to better understand what they are:
I'm not (smart, attractive, rich, old, or young) enough.
Women don't do that sort of thing.
They'd never choose me for this job.
Even if I don't like my job, I need to keep it for financial security.
Nothing I do is ever successful.
You can't get rich as a (writer, artist, poet, singer).
Understand that limiting beliefs lead to poor self-esteem.
Our lack of confidence begins with two limiting beliefs: 1) we are not capable of handling life's challenges; and 2) we are not worthy of love. If we are going to improve our low self-esteem so that we can achieve success, we must tackle these two limiting beliefs.
To overcome the belief that we can't handle challenges, we can look back to see where we did succeed when things were difficult. Remember the Victory Log? If we've written down our past successes and are reviewing them daily, we can combat limiting beliefs in this area of our minds.
Believing that we are worthy of love comes about by transforming our limiting beliefs into positive affirmations. Jack recommends a four-step process for changing our self-talk to create success.
Overcome any limiting belief with four steps.
Jack reminds us that having clearly identified goals will make it easier for us to alter our limiting beliefs. If we know where we're going, we can re-program our minds to help us get there.
Follow Jack's four steps to replace limiting beliefs with empowering beliefs (also known as positive affirmations). In the example below, I've used one of my limiting beliefs to help you understand this principle.
1) Identify the belief that you want to change.
When I was a child, my father and mother would say before we went into someone else's home, "Children should be seen and not heard." I never realized until I read The Success Principles how this created a limiting belief for me. This thought got programmed into my subconsciuos as, "I need to be quiet if I want to be loved." All of my life, I've been limited by what my son calls a Minnie Mouse voice. I always thought it was rude to be loud, so I spoke very softly.
2) Determine how the belief limits you.
Believing that it was rude for me to speak up has limited my abilities as a teacher, a dinner party conversationalist, a spouse, a friend, and public speaker. For years, people have been complaining that they can't hear me.
(3) Decide how you want to be, act, or feel.
I want to be able to speak up so that I can be heard. I never realized how important this was to me until I began writing. Much of my fiction is about women whose 'voices' have been stifled. Without even realizing it, I was silencing myself with my limiting belief that no one would love me if I spoke up.
(4) Create a turnaround statement.
We must replace each of our limiting beliefs with something Jack calls a turnaround statement. My limiting belief is, 'I need to be quiet if I want to be loved.' A new turnaround statement for me would be, 'I am confident speakig up about things that are important to me and enjoying the respect I earn for what I have to say.'
Our turnaround statements must be formatted as positive affirmations, which we learned about in Success Principle #10. Once we create a turnaround statement, we must repeat it to ourselves several times daily. Eventually, the repeated suggestion overrides the limiting belief.
As with all situations, prayer adds power to whatever we're trying to change. Jesus said, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." (Matt 21:22) Turn your limiting beliefs into positive affirmations backed up with prayer, and watch what God can do!
Today's Challenge
Create a list of beliefs that are limiting you. Choose one and rewrite it on a 3 x 5 card as a turnaround statement (positive affirmation). Read it out loud to yourself throughout the day. Before long, you'll believe whatever you've written.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
We all hold beliefs that limit our success. They are thoughts that stop us from achieving our goals. Look at the following list of limiting beliefs to better understand what they are:
I'm not (smart, attractive, rich, old, or young) enough.
Women don't do that sort of thing.
They'd never choose me for this job.
Even if I don't like my job, I need to keep it for financial security.
Nothing I do is ever successful.
You can't get rich as a (writer, artist, poet, singer).
Understand that limiting beliefs lead to poor self-esteem.
Our lack of confidence begins with two limiting beliefs: 1) we are not capable of handling life's challenges; and 2) we are not worthy of love. If we are going to improve our low self-esteem so that we can achieve success, we must tackle these two limiting beliefs.
To overcome the belief that we can't handle challenges, we can look back to see where we did succeed when things were difficult. Remember the Victory Log? If we've written down our past successes and are reviewing them daily, we can combat limiting beliefs in this area of our minds.
Believing that we are worthy of love comes about by transforming our limiting beliefs into positive affirmations. Jack recommends a four-step process for changing our self-talk to create success.
Overcome any limiting belief with four steps.
Jack reminds us that having clearly identified goals will make it easier for us to alter our limiting beliefs. If we know where we're going, we can re-program our minds to help us get there.
Follow Jack's four steps to replace limiting beliefs with empowering beliefs (also known as positive affirmations). In the example below, I've used one of my limiting beliefs to help you understand this principle.
1) Identify the belief that you want to change.
When I was a child, my father and mother would say before we went into someone else's home, "Children should be seen and not heard." I never realized until I read The Success Principles how this created a limiting belief for me. This thought got programmed into my subconsciuos as, "I need to be quiet if I want to be loved." All of my life, I've been limited by what my son calls a Minnie Mouse voice. I always thought it was rude to be loud, so I spoke very softly.
2) Determine how the belief limits you.
Believing that it was rude for me to speak up has limited my abilities as a teacher, a dinner party conversationalist, a spouse, a friend, and public speaker. For years, people have been complaining that they can't hear me.
(3) Decide how you want to be, act, or feel.
I want to be able to speak up so that I can be heard. I never realized how important this was to me until I began writing. Much of my fiction is about women whose 'voices' have been stifled. Without even realizing it, I was silencing myself with my limiting belief that no one would love me if I spoke up.
(4) Create a turnaround statement.
We must replace each of our limiting beliefs with something Jack calls a turnaround statement. My limiting belief is, 'I need to be quiet if I want to be loved.' A new turnaround statement for me would be, 'I am confident speakig up about things that are important to me and enjoying the respect I earn for what I have to say.'
Our turnaround statements must be formatted as positive affirmations, which we learned about in Success Principle #10. Once we create a turnaround statement, we must repeat it to ourselves several times daily. Eventually, the repeated suggestion overrides the limiting belief.
As with all situations, prayer adds power to whatever we're trying to change. Jesus said, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." (Matt 21:22) Turn your limiting beliefs into positive affirmations backed up with prayer, and watch what God can do!
Today's Challenge
Create a list of beliefs that are limiting you. Choose one and rewrite it on a 3 x 5 card as a turnaround statement (positive affirmation). Read it out loud to yourself throughout the day. Before long, you'll believe whatever you've written.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Transform Your Inner Critic Into An Inner Coach
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #32
The average person has 50,000 thoughts per day. Most of that talk is about ourselves. And believe it or not, 80% of it is negative. Jack teaches that our self-talk can be so destructive, it can kill us. Even lie detector tests prove that our heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration rate increase when we think anxious thoughts.
ANTs are Automatic Negative Thoughts That We Don't Need.
Dr. Daniel Amen is a psychiatrist and writer who named negative thoughts ANTs: Automatic Negative Thoughts. He has identified seven types of negative thinking and provided methods for getting rid of them. He suggests a three-step approach:
1) Become aware of negative thoughts as soon as they occur;
2) Shake off the ANTs and stomp on them with challenging messages; and
3) Replace ANTs with positive thoughts.
Identify the seven types of ANTs.
1) always or never thinking
When we tell ourselves that we always do the wrong thing, that we'll never get ahead or that we are forever doomed; we're setting ourselves up for failure. We must replace these thoughts with positive ones.
2) focusing on the negative
ANTs cause us to automatically look for the bad in every situation. To combat this, we must start looking for the good. Jack recommends spending 7 minutes every morning writing down a list of things we appreciate.
3) catastrophic predicting
These ANTs make us think the worst about every possible outcome. The sad truth is, we actually attract what we think about. So, if we expect the worst, that's what we get. We must become optimistic about all outcomes if we want to find success.
4) mind-reading
With these ANTs, we imagine people's responses to us and expect them to be negative. I used to do this a lot, but now I know how to stomp on these ANTs. I can simply talk to the person I imagine is disappointed in me and ask them if what I'm imagining is true. I've actually tried this lately, and I've been pleasantly surprised to discover that my imaginings were all wrong.
5) guilt tripping
These ANTs tell us that we should do something. They use guilt to try to shame us into eating less, being neater, excercising more, and so on. The problem is, guilt generally results in our resisting whatever we're thinking about.
6) labeling
These ANTs are based on messages that we received as children and are now re-wording in our self talk. "You're stupid" is now "I'm not smart enough."
7) personalizing
Investing a neutral event with some personal meaning makes these ANTs ever more powerful. They tell us that people are mad at us, because they haven't called us, visited, or responded to our emails. In truth, the people we think are angry may simply be busy with other responsibilities and aren't even thinking of us.
Stomp Out ANTs.
ANTs actually have an important message to tell us, but they only give us part of it. Usually, our negative self-talk only includes anger. We must re-program our thoughts to include anger, fear, specific requests, and love.
For example, when we were kids, our parents may have yelled at us for running into the street. The message we got was: "What's wrong with you? Were you born without a brain? You know better than to run out into the street in front of those cars. You're grounded for the next hour. Go to your room and think about what you just did." This message included only their anger and will later become negative self-talk about how brainless we are.
By contrast, total truth from our parents should have looked like this: "When you ran into the street, it made me angry. I'm afraid you might get hit by a car if you do that. I love you. I don't want you to get hit by a car. I want you to stay around so that I can enjoy watching you grow up into a happy and healthy adult. Look both ways before you cross the street next time." This message includes the anger, our parent's fears, a specific request, and love.
Silence your perfomance critic.
Our performance critic is the voice from within that always tells us about our failures. Remember, it is operating out of love for us, but it's only giving us part of the message.
From now on, we must tell our inner critic that we will only listen to specific recommendations that can help us to do it better next time. So, after completing a task, we can ask our critic to tell us specifically what we might do better. By doing this, we can transform our inner critic into our inner coach. We can stop the voice of judgment and create improvement opportunities. Take note that it's important to write down those specific bits of feedback so that we can later apply them.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of all the negative things you tell yourself you should do. Your list should include thoughts such as, "You don't exercise enough; you're a fat slob; you're lazy; and you're irresponsible."
Practice Jack's four steps--expressing anger, fear, requests, and love--on each of your negative thoughts. For example, we can replace the negative self-talk, "You don't exercise enough," with the following:
(Anger)I am angry at you for not taking better care of your body.
(Fear) If you don't change, I'm afraid you're going to have a heart attack.
(Requests) I want you to cut out one hour of TV and exercise during that time every day.
(Love) I love you. I want you to live a long and successful life.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
The average person has 50,000 thoughts per day. Most of that talk is about ourselves. And believe it or not, 80% of it is negative. Jack teaches that our self-talk can be so destructive, it can kill us. Even lie detector tests prove that our heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration rate increase when we think anxious thoughts.
ANTs are Automatic Negative Thoughts That We Don't Need.
Dr. Daniel Amen is a psychiatrist and writer who named negative thoughts ANTs: Automatic Negative Thoughts. He has identified seven types of negative thinking and provided methods for getting rid of them. He suggests a three-step approach:
1) Become aware of negative thoughts as soon as they occur;
2) Shake off the ANTs and stomp on them with challenging messages; and
3) Replace ANTs with positive thoughts.
Identify the seven types of ANTs.
1) always or never thinking
When we tell ourselves that we always do the wrong thing, that we'll never get ahead or that we are forever doomed; we're setting ourselves up for failure. We must replace these thoughts with positive ones.
2) focusing on the negative
ANTs cause us to automatically look for the bad in every situation. To combat this, we must start looking for the good. Jack recommends spending 7 minutes every morning writing down a list of things we appreciate.
3) catastrophic predicting
These ANTs make us think the worst about every possible outcome. The sad truth is, we actually attract what we think about. So, if we expect the worst, that's what we get. We must become optimistic about all outcomes if we want to find success.
4) mind-reading
With these ANTs, we imagine people's responses to us and expect them to be negative. I used to do this a lot, but now I know how to stomp on these ANTs. I can simply talk to the person I imagine is disappointed in me and ask them if what I'm imagining is true. I've actually tried this lately, and I've been pleasantly surprised to discover that my imaginings were all wrong.
5) guilt tripping
These ANTs tell us that we should do something. They use guilt to try to shame us into eating less, being neater, excercising more, and so on. The problem is, guilt generally results in our resisting whatever we're thinking about.
6) labeling
These ANTs are based on messages that we received as children and are now re-wording in our self talk. "You're stupid" is now "I'm not smart enough."
7) personalizing
Investing a neutral event with some personal meaning makes these ANTs ever more powerful. They tell us that people are mad at us, because they haven't called us, visited, or responded to our emails. In truth, the people we think are angry may simply be busy with other responsibilities and aren't even thinking of us.
Stomp Out ANTs.
ANTs actually have an important message to tell us, but they only give us part of it. Usually, our negative self-talk only includes anger. We must re-program our thoughts to include anger, fear, specific requests, and love.
For example, when we were kids, our parents may have yelled at us for running into the street. The message we got was: "What's wrong with you? Were you born without a brain? You know better than to run out into the street in front of those cars. You're grounded for the next hour. Go to your room and think about what you just did." This message included only their anger and will later become negative self-talk about how brainless we are.
By contrast, total truth from our parents should have looked like this: "When you ran into the street, it made me angry. I'm afraid you might get hit by a car if you do that. I love you. I don't want you to get hit by a car. I want you to stay around so that I can enjoy watching you grow up into a happy and healthy adult. Look both ways before you cross the street next time." This message includes the anger, our parent's fears, a specific request, and love.
Silence your perfomance critic.
Our performance critic is the voice from within that always tells us about our failures. Remember, it is operating out of love for us, but it's only giving us part of the message.
From now on, we must tell our inner critic that we will only listen to specific recommendations that can help us to do it better next time. So, after completing a task, we can ask our critic to tell us specifically what we might do better. By doing this, we can transform our inner critic into our inner coach. We can stop the voice of judgment and create improvement opportunities. Take note that it's important to write down those specific bits of feedback so that we can later apply them.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of all the negative things you tell yourself you should do. Your list should include thoughts such as, "You don't exercise enough; you're a fat slob; you're lazy; and you're irresponsible."
Practice Jack's four steps--expressing anger, fear, requests, and love--on each of your negative thoughts. For example, we can replace the negative self-talk, "You don't exercise enough," with the following:
(Anger)I am angry at you for not taking better care of your body.
(Fear) If you don't change, I'm afraid you're going to have a heart attack.
(Requests) I want you to cut out one hour of TV and exercise during that time every day.
(Love) I love you. I want you to live a long and successful life.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Embrace Change
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #31
Grow or die.
Change is inevitable. People who are successful know this, and they embrace change. Jack provides two examples of big businesses and their responses to change.
In the early 1900s, Americans were no longer growing up and dying in their hometowns. Many people were moving far from home, and they needed to send flowers to loved ones in other places. A group of florists got together to combine their services with the telegraph system. They founded Florists' Telegraph Delivery, which we know today as FTD. Because those florists embraced change, they thrived.
At the same time, America's railroad system found itself challenged by the auto and airplane industries. However, it saw itself primarily as a transporter of goods, not people. The railroad companies didn't respond to the change as the florists did, and our train system nearly died out. It has never recovered.
When change happens, we can either go along with it or be run over by it. I can remember once asking my 90-year-old grandmother how she had adapted to so much change in her lifetime. We were on a jet, and I remembered stories about the first time she ever rode on a bus. She was nearly 30 years old then, and it was the first time she had ever left her hometown. She shrugged and said, "You just learn to get used to it, I guess." Grandma was the resilient sort, who looked forward to new experiences, even if they were a little frightening.
Become resilent, not resistant.
Many of us who have struggled with PTSD find change extremely difficult. We often develop a condition known as adjustment disorder. This means that we simply cannot adjust to new situations without a lot of interventions.
When we are not safe, change gives us just one more reason to feel that life is slipping out of control. But once we have found safety, it's important to let go of the need to control everything. Otherwise, we simply become rigid people who can't tolerate even the smallest bumps in the road.
If we learn to become resilient, we can bend, like a mighty oak swaying in high winds. When we are resistant, change will break us, just as a high wind might shatter a window.
Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." In other words, to have a relationship with Christ, we must be able to trust him completely, just as a little child would.
In the same way, we must trust God to help us through all of the changes that life throws at us. I think resiliency is synonymous with trust in this instance. Resistant people don't trust that something better lies ahead.
Realize that there are two types of change.
Change comes in one of two forms: cyclical change and structural change. We have no control over either one. Cyclical change occurs several times each year. We see it in the weather, holiday shopping trends, and so on. Most of us adapt to this pretty easily.
Structural change, however, is more difficult to adjust to. It's the type of change that really alters how we do things. Inventions such as the television, telephone, and computer have radically changed the way we live. We must accept these types of structural changes, or they'll do us in.
Learn to adapt to change.
We can all learn to embrace change with one simple exercise. We can look back and list ways that we've adapted to change in the past. We can recognize times when we were at first resistant. When we surrendered to it, though, our lives improved.
I recently went through tremendous change that I thought would crush me. When my daughter left for college, I wasn't sure that I would be able to continue breathing. The first night, I cried for hours. I don't think I've ever seen Joe eyeing me with such concern.
Each day, I just kept getting up and going through the motions. It was difficult, because I had been someone's mommy for nearly thirty years. Without any of my offspring in the house, I felt obsolete.
I knew, though, that I couldn't cry forever. And I couldn't get stuck in that dead zone of wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I decided to get more involved at church, and slowly, my focus began to shift from my children to others.
Today, I can honestly say that being an empty-nester is the best time of life. We have enough money, no one uses up all of the hot water in the morning, food doesn't disappear from the fridge at the speed of light, and we don't lie awake at night waiting for one of the kids to come home. In fact, this phase of my life has become one of the most satisfying. I've successfully launched my kids into the world, and now I get to do the things I've always wanted to.
Today's Challenge
Begin today to look at each new change with excitement and anticipation. To get moving in the right direction, ask yourself these questions from The Success Principles, page 228:
What's changing in my life that I'm currently resisting?
Why am I resisting that change?
What am I afraid of with respect to this change?
What's the cost for keeping things the way they are?
What benefits might there be for me if I cooperate with this change?
What steps must I take to make this change?
When will I take the next step?
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Grow or die.
Change is inevitable. People who are successful know this, and they embrace change. Jack provides two examples of big businesses and their responses to change.
In the early 1900s, Americans were no longer growing up and dying in their hometowns. Many people were moving far from home, and they needed to send flowers to loved ones in other places. A group of florists got together to combine their services with the telegraph system. They founded Florists' Telegraph Delivery, which we know today as FTD. Because those florists embraced change, they thrived.
At the same time, America's railroad system found itself challenged by the auto and airplane industries. However, it saw itself primarily as a transporter of goods, not people. The railroad companies didn't respond to the change as the florists did, and our train system nearly died out. It has never recovered.
When change happens, we can either go along with it or be run over by it. I can remember once asking my 90-year-old grandmother how she had adapted to so much change in her lifetime. We were on a jet, and I remembered stories about the first time she ever rode on a bus. She was nearly 30 years old then, and it was the first time she had ever left her hometown. She shrugged and said, "You just learn to get used to it, I guess." Grandma was the resilient sort, who looked forward to new experiences, even if they were a little frightening.
Become resilent, not resistant.
Many of us who have struggled with PTSD find change extremely difficult. We often develop a condition known as adjustment disorder. This means that we simply cannot adjust to new situations without a lot of interventions.
When we are not safe, change gives us just one more reason to feel that life is slipping out of control. But once we have found safety, it's important to let go of the need to control everything. Otherwise, we simply become rigid people who can't tolerate even the smallest bumps in the road.
If we learn to become resilient, we can bend, like a mighty oak swaying in high winds. When we are resistant, change will break us, just as a high wind might shatter a window.
Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." In other words, to have a relationship with Christ, we must be able to trust him completely, just as a little child would.
In the same way, we must trust God to help us through all of the changes that life throws at us. I think resiliency is synonymous with trust in this instance. Resistant people don't trust that something better lies ahead.
Realize that there are two types of change.
Change comes in one of two forms: cyclical change and structural change. We have no control over either one. Cyclical change occurs several times each year. We see it in the weather, holiday shopping trends, and so on. Most of us adapt to this pretty easily.
Structural change, however, is more difficult to adjust to. It's the type of change that really alters how we do things. Inventions such as the television, telephone, and computer have radically changed the way we live. We must accept these types of structural changes, or they'll do us in.
Learn to adapt to change.
We can all learn to embrace change with one simple exercise. We can look back and list ways that we've adapted to change in the past. We can recognize times when we were at first resistant. When we surrendered to it, though, our lives improved.
I recently went through tremendous change that I thought would crush me. When my daughter left for college, I wasn't sure that I would be able to continue breathing. The first night, I cried for hours. I don't think I've ever seen Joe eyeing me with such concern.
Each day, I just kept getting up and going through the motions. It was difficult, because I had been someone's mommy for nearly thirty years. Without any of my offspring in the house, I felt obsolete.
I knew, though, that I couldn't cry forever. And I couldn't get stuck in that dead zone of wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I decided to get more involved at church, and slowly, my focus began to shift from my children to others.
Today, I can honestly say that being an empty-nester is the best time of life. We have enough money, no one uses up all of the hot water in the morning, food doesn't disappear from the fridge at the speed of light, and we don't lie awake at night waiting for one of the kids to come home. In fact, this phase of my life has become one of the most satisfying. I've successfully launched my kids into the world, and now I get to do the things I've always wanted to.
Today's Challenge
Begin today to look at each new change with excitement and anticipation. To get moving in the right direction, ask yourself these questions from The Success Principles, page 228:
What's changing in my life that I'm currently resisting?
Why am I resisting that change?
What am I afraid of with respect to this change?
What's the cost for keeping things the way they are?
What benefits might there be for me if I cooperate with this change?
What steps must I take to make this change?
When will I take the next step?
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Monday, December 13, 2010
Face What Isn't Working
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #30
Successful people look at circumstances that are not working, and they take appropriate actions to change things. On the other hand, people living in denial ignore the 'yellow alerts' that Jack talked about in a previous chapter. If we are living in denial, we look away from obvious problems by:
-ignoring a hostile and toxic work environment;
-drinking caffeine to overcome our lack of physical energy;
-using drugs or alcohol to soothe ourselves;
-avoiding the mirror because of our excess weight;
-putting off doctors' appointments to address our poor health;
-excusing our obesity, because everyone else is bigger than we are;
-turning a blind eye to a spouse who abuses, neglects, or cheats on us; or
-avoiding confrontation with people who hurt us.
Remember the yellow alerts.
Yellow alerts are little signals that we get both externally and internally that something is not right. We often ignore these warnings, because confronting them might make us uncomfortable. We continue to put up with intolerable circumstances, because we don't want to step outside of our comfort zone.
Successful people are in touch with reality. They are willing to look at the truth about situations, and then they deal with it. They never attempt to hide it or deny it.
Know when to hold them, know when to fold them.
Before we can fix our problems, we must be able to recognize them. Then, we have to decide that we're going to take action. So many people are in such deep denial, that they actually say they're happy with a situation when they not. In other words, they're living a lie.
During the 20 years that I remained with my first husband, I lived a lie. Everyone thought we lived a charmed life, because we were wealthy, well-educated, and lived in a series of beautiful homes. The truth is, I was miserable, but I would never let on. For a long time, it was easier to tell myself that I could live with the agony of a troubled marriage. Attempting to leave only made the abuse worse in the short run.
A psychiatrist finally broke through my denial. On my first visit to his office, he asked why I stayed with an abuser. I told him it's what God expected of me. He looked me sqaurely in the eye and asked, "You think you can make a leopard change its spots? Stop a speeding train?" His questions rattled me, and I didn't like his approach. But he got me thinking, and I eventually came to understand: I could never change my ex-husband, but I could change my response to the abuse. It took less than a year to clearly see the hopelessness of my broken marriage and to file for divorce.
Denial is based on fear.
When we live in denial, it's because we're afraid to face the truth. The Bible tells us more than 300 times not to be afraid. When I was trying to work up the courage to leave my first husband, I turned to Scripture daily for boldness. Psalm 118:6 reads, The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? When our lives are a mess, we must trust that God will walk with us to get us back on the path he has in mind for us.
Jack points out the good news in breaking free from uncomfortable situations. The more we face what isn't working, the easier it gets. And when we become better at recognizing yellow alerts, the more quickly we take action.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of what isn't working in your life. Be sure to include the seven major areas: finances, career, recreation, health, relationships, personal growth, and community service. Ask others to tell you what they see that is not working for you. Ask them to make suggestions about how to improve each situation. Choose one suggested action and do it. Then keep taking another action each day until the situation is resolved.
Successful people look at circumstances that are not working, and they take appropriate actions to change things. On the other hand, people living in denial ignore the 'yellow alerts' that Jack talked about in a previous chapter. If we are living in denial, we look away from obvious problems by:
-ignoring a hostile and toxic work environment;
-drinking caffeine to overcome our lack of physical energy;
-using drugs or alcohol to soothe ourselves;
-avoiding the mirror because of our excess weight;
-putting off doctors' appointments to address our poor health;
-excusing our obesity, because everyone else is bigger than we are;
-turning a blind eye to a spouse who abuses, neglects, or cheats on us; or
-avoiding confrontation with people who hurt us.
Remember the yellow alerts.
Yellow alerts are little signals that we get both externally and internally that something is not right. We often ignore these warnings, because confronting them might make us uncomfortable. We continue to put up with intolerable circumstances, because we don't want to step outside of our comfort zone.
Successful people are in touch with reality. They are willing to look at the truth about situations, and then they deal with it. They never attempt to hide it or deny it.
Know when to hold them, know when to fold them.
Before we can fix our problems, we must be able to recognize them. Then, we have to decide that we're going to take action. So many people are in such deep denial, that they actually say they're happy with a situation when they not. In other words, they're living a lie.
During the 20 years that I remained with my first husband, I lived a lie. Everyone thought we lived a charmed life, because we were wealthy, well-educated, and lived in a series of beautiful homes. The truth is, I was miserable, but I would never let on. For a long time, it was easier to tell myself that I could live with the agony of a troubled marriage. Attempting to leave only made the abuse worse in the short run.
A psychiatrist finally broke through my denial. On my first visit to his office, he asked why I stayed with an abuser. I told him it's what God expected of me. He looked me sqaurely in the eye and asked, "You think you can make a leopard change its spots? Stop a speeding train?" His questions rattled me, and I didn't like his approach. But he got me thinking, and I eventually came to understand: I could never change my ex-husband, but I could change my response to the abuse. It took less than a year to clearly see the hopelessness of my broken marriage and to file for divorce.
Denial is based on fear.
When we live in denial, it's because we're afraid to face the truth. The Bible tells us more than 300 times not to be afraid. When I was trying to work up the courage to leave my first husband, I turned to Scripture daily for boldness. Psalm 118:6 reads, The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? When our lives are a mess, we must trust that God will walk with us to get us back on the path he has in mind for us.
Jack points out the good news in breaking free from uncomfortable situations. The more we face what isn't working, the easier it gets. And when we become better at recognizing yellow alerts, the more quickly we take action.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of what isn't working in your life. Be sure to include the seven major areas: finances, career, recreation, health, relationships, personal growth, and community service. Ask others to tell you what they see that is not working for you. Ask them to make suggestions about how to improve each situation. Choose one suggested action and do it. Then keep taking another action each day until the situation is resolved.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Complete the Past to Embrace the Future
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #29
If we hold onto unforgiveness, it's as if we're dragging an anchor behind us. It slows us down and prevents us from enjoying today and receiving God's blessings. If we can release unforgiveness, we will discover that we can move faster and more easily through life.
Learn the six steps of the Total Truth Process.
Jack asserts that we belong in a natural state of love and joy. The Total Truth Process helps us to release the negative emotions that are attached to unforgiveness. Through this process, we can express our true feelings so that we can return to our natural state: caring, sharing closeness with others, and living cooperatively.
The goal of the Total Truth Process lies in expressing anger and hurt, and then moving toward forgiveness and love. We can practice letting go of our pain by sitting in a chair and visualizing the person who hurt us in a chair across from us. If it is appropriate, we can actually go to the person who hurt us to confront them in person. We should spend an equal amount of time on each of the following six stages:
1) anger and resentment
2) hurt
3) fear
4) remorse, regret, accountability
5) wants
6) love, compassion, forgiveness, and appreciation
As I am writing this, I don't even know where to begin. So many people have hurt me, I feel as if I could spend the second half of my life just trying to forgive them. Jack directs us to take as long as we need to complete this forgiveness process for each person before moving on.
So, here is what one of my Total Truth Processes would look like. I'm going to choose to work on the day I had five abcessed teeth pulled. I was eight years old, and my mother left me alone in the house while she had a pool party out back.
1) I felt angry when you left me alone inside the house while you were outside getting drunk with your friends.
2) It hurt me to think that your own fun was more important to you than comforting me at a time when I was in terrible pain.
3) I was afraid there in the dark by myself, with no one to hold my hand and reassure me.
4) I'm sorry that I didn't get out of bed to let you know what I needed.
5) All I ever wanted was for you to put my needs ahead of your own.
6) I understand that you did not receive the type of love and nurturing that you needed as a little girl; so you were not capable of giving me what I deserved, either. I forgive you.
We can follow this format above that I have indicated in italics for all of our past hurts. By including each of these six steps, we can finally release all of our emotions and bring closure to every incident.
Opt for a Total Truth Letter in some instances.
If the person we need to forgive is dead, unavailable, or unwilling to cooperate so that we can tell them these things in person, we can write what Jack calls a Total Truth Letter. We can write the six steps, and then destroy the letter.
I want to add something here that Jack did not include. In the process of leaving my ex-husband, I discovered that abusive people can become so controlling when confronted, our safety may be compromised. I once belonged to a group of women trying to leave their partners. One was murdered, and most of the others were slipping from one safe house to the next in an effort to avoid further abuse. Please DO NOT confront an abuser. Instead, use the unmailed Total Truth Letter to complete your forgiveness process with them.
Forgive so that you can move on.
Being angry, negative, and unforgiving about a past hurt robs us of valuable time and energy for present undertakings. If we hold onto resentment, we can be assured that we will attract more of the same.
Forgive to bring yourself into the present.
By forgiving people, we are NOT admitting that we condone their actions. It also does NOT mean that we have to ever trust them again. We merely release ourselves from the pain and resentment so that we can finally live fully in present day, not in the past.
What if it's really hard to let go?
When people used to tell me that I needed to forgive, I would tell them that they had no idea how horrific my life had been. Jack points out that he was kidnapped and assaulted, abused by his alcoholic father, had money embezzled by close friends, and so on. He has learned to forgive everyone from his past and is enjoying the benefits. He tells that the moment we forgive completely, God's blessings come rushing in within hours or days.
A dear friend told me years ago that forgiveness is for me, not for the person who hurt me. Harboring resentment for years on end destroys me, not the other person.
Jack has written something called the Forgiveness Affirmation, which you can find on pages 219-220 of The Success Principles. He suggests reading this three times daily until we have completed forgiving everyone from our past. I broke through so much old pain by reading this, I am sharing it here with you:
I release myself from all the demands and judgments that have kept me limited. I allow myself to go free--to live in joy and love and peace. I allow myself to create fulfilling relationships, to have success in my life, to experience pleasure, to know that I am worthy and deserve to have what I want. I now go free. In that process, I release all others from any demands and expectations I have placed on them. I choose to be free. I allow others to be free. I forgive myself, and I forgive them. And so it is.
Mark 11:25 in the Bible records what Jesus had to say about this topic: "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Holding onto unforgiveness prevents us from having a complete relationship with God.
Knowing that I may not receive the blessing of God's forgiveness if I don't forgive others keeps me focused on figuring out how to let go of my past pain. With prayer, I know that I can complete this process. I am really thankful for people like Jack Canfield, who understand how difficult this can be.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of all the people you need to forgive. Write it like this:
(Person's name) hurt me by (whatever action caused you pain and anger).
Choose one of these hurtful events, and work through the six steps of the Total Truth Process. Remember to spend an equal amount of time on each step. This can be done alone by merely speaking to an empty chair, or you can practice it first and then actually confront the person, if it is safe to do so. If you would prefer, you can use the Total Truth Letter, which does not have to get mailed. Transcend the pain of your past and triumph!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
If we hold onto unforgiveness, it's as if we're dragging an anchor behind us. It slows us down and prevents us from enjoying today and receiving God's blessings. If we can release unforgiveness, we will discover that we can move faster and more easily through life.
Learn the six steps of the Total Truth Process.
Jack asserts that we belong in a natural state of love and joy. The Total Truth Process helps us to release the negative emotions that are attached to unforgiveness. Through this process, we can express our true feelings so that we can return to our natural state: caring, sharing closeness with others, and living cooperatively.
The goal of the Total Truth Process lies in expressing anger and hurt, and then moving toward forgiveness and love. We can practice letting go of our pain by sitting in a chair and visualizing the person who hurt us in a chair across from us. If it is appropriate, we can actually go to the person who hurt us to confront them in person. We should spend an equal amount of time on each of the following six stages:
1) anger and resentment
2) hurt
3) fear
4) remorse, regret, accountability
5) wants
6) love, compassion, forgiveness, and appreciation
As I am writing this, I don't even know where to begin. So many people have hurt me, I feel as if I could spend the second half of my life just trying to forgive them. Jack directs us to take as long as we need to complete this forgiveness process for each person before moving on.
So, here is what one of my Total Truth Processes would look like. I'm going to choose to work on the day I had five abcessed teeth pulled. I was eight years old, and my mother left me alone in the house while she had a pool party out back.
1) I felt angry when you left me alone inside the house while you were outside getting drunk with your friends.
2) It hurt me to think that your own fun was more important to you than comforting me at a time when I was in terrible pain.
3) I was afraid there in the dark by myself, with no one to hold my hand and reassure me.
4) I'm sorry that I didn't get out of bed to let you know what I needed.
5) All I ever wanted was for you to put my needs ahead of your own.
6) I understand that you did not receive the type of love and nurturing that you needed as a little girl; so you were not capable of giving me what I deserved, either. I forgive you.
We can follow this format above that I have indicated in italics for all of our past hurts. By including each of these six steps, we can finally release all of our emotions and bring closure to every incident.
Opt for a Total Truth Letter in some instances.
If the person we need to forgive is dead, unavailable, or unwilling to cooperate so that we can tell them these things in person, we can write what Jack calls a Total Truth Letter. We can write the six steps, and then destroy the letter.
I want to add something here that Jack did not include. In the process of leaving my ex-husband, I discovered that abusive people can become so controlling when confronted, our safety may be compromised. I once belonged to a group of women trying to leave their partners. One was murdered, and most of the others were slipping from one safe house to the next in an effort to avoid further abuse. Please DO NOT confront an abuser. Instead, use the unmailed Total Truth Letter to complete your forgiveness process with them.
Forgive so that you can move on.
Being angry, negative, and unforgiving about a past hurt robs us of valuable time and energy for present undertakings. If we hold onto resentment, we can be assured that we will attract more of the same.
Forgive to bring yourself into the present.
By forgiving people, we are NOT admitting that we condone their actions. It also does NOT mean that we have to ever trust them again. We merely release ourselves from the pain and resentment so that we can finally live fully in present day, not in the past.
What if it's really hard to let go?
When people used to tell me that I needed to forgive, I would tell them that they had no idea how horrific my life had been. Jack points out that he was kidnapped and assaulted, abused by his alcoholic father, had money embezzled by close friends, and so on. He has learned to forgive everyone from his past and is enjoying the benefits. He tells that the moment we forgive completely, God's blessings come rushing in within hours or days.
A dear friend told me years ago that forgiveness is for me, not for the person who hurt me. Harboring resentment for years on end destroys me, not the other person.
Jack has written something called the Forgiveness Affirmation, which you can find on pages 219-220 of The Success Principles. He suggests reading this three times daily until we have completed forgiving everyone from our past. I broke through so much old pain by reading this, I am sharing it here with you:
I release myself from all the demands and judgments that have kept me limited. I allow myself to go free--to live in joy and love and peace. I allow myself to create fulfilling relationships, to have success in my life, to experience pleasure, to know that I am worthy and deserve to have what I want. I now go free. In that process, I release all others from any demands and expectations I have placed on them. I choose to be free. I allow others to be free. I forgive myself, and I forgive them. And so it is.
Mark 11:25 in the Bible records what Jesus had to say about this topic: "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Holding onto unforgiveness prevents us from having a complete relationship with God.
Knowing that I may not receive the blessing of God's forgiveness if I don't forgive others keeps me focused on figuring out how to let go of my past pain. With prayer, I know that I can complete this process. I am really thankful for people like Jack Canfield, who understand how difficult this can be.
Today's Challenge
Make a list of all the people you need to forgive. Write it like this:
(Person's name) hurt me by (whatever action caused you pain and anger).
Choose one of these hurtful events, and work through the six steps of the Total Truth Process. Remember to spend an equal amount of time on each step. This can be done alone by merely speaking to an empty chair, or you can practice it first and then actually confront the person, if it is safe to do so. If you would prefer, you can use the Total Truth Letter, which does not have to get mailed. Transcend the pain of your past and triumph!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Clean Up Your Messes and Incompletes, Part II
I am not moving on today with new material from The Success Principles, because I'm trying to clean up my messes and deal with my incompletes. Like most Americans, I have been Christmas shopping, wrapping gifts, putting up outdoor lights, and decorating the tree. My house has been a wreck for days, but I'm getting closer to completing my Christmas preparations.
To take a break from the holiday madness, I went to a Healing Touch workshop this morning. Healing Touch teaches the use of intentional prayer/meditation to bring the power of the Holy Spirit up from the earth and into our hands. We can become conduits for God's healing by gently laying hands on people who are open to receiving it.
Today, we focused on learning how to release pain. Class members took turns receiving and giving Healing Touch. When it was my turn to receive, my arms and legs twitched constantly. The instructor assured us that this was normal when a person is releasing emotional pain.
I realized during class that Jack Canfield's directive to clean up our messes and incompletes was probably behind the emotional release that I experienced. I have had so much work to do in the area of forgiveness, and I have been letting go of a lot of old psychological pain over the past few months. Thanks to the help of a Healing Touch practitioner, I am finally beginning to understand how to forgive completely.
Tomorrow's Success Principle is, in my opinion, critical to every person's long-term success. For survivors of abuse and trauma, it is particularly important to pay close attention to Jack's lesson on forgiveness. We will be learning about how to complete the past so that we can embrace the future. Perhaps you can set aside a little extra quiet time for yourself tomorrow. I know you'll be glad that you did.
To take a break from the holiday madness, I went to a Healing Touch workshop this morning. Healing Touch teaches the use of intentional prayer/meditation to bring the power of the Holy Spirit up from the earth and into our hands. We can become conduits for God's healing by gently laying hands on people who are open to receiving it.
Today, we focused on learning how to release pain. Class members took turns receiving and giving Healing Touch. When it was my turn to receive, my arms and legs twitched constantly. The instructor assured us that this was normal when a person is releasing emotional pain.
I realized during class that Jack Canfield's directive to clean up our messes and incompletes was probably behind the emotional release that I experienced. I have had so much work to do in the area of forgiveness, and I have been letting go of a lot of old psychological pain over the past few months. Thanks to the help of a Healing Touch practitioner, I am finally beginning to understand how to forgive completely.
Tomorrow's Success Principle is, in my opinion, critical to every person's long-term success. For survivors of abuse and trauma, it is particularly important to pay close attention to Jack's lesson on forgiveness. We will be learning about how to complete the past so that we can embrace the future. Perhaps you can set aside a little extra quiet time for yourself tomorrow. I know you'll be glad that you did.
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