What Does Fear Have to Do With Forgiveness?

We live in a world consumed by fears.
Today’s headlines shout at us to be fearful. A terrorist leader eludes authorities, who fear he may resurface stronger than ever. A suicide bomber kills countless innocent people in a public place, and nearby residents fear that more attacks are imminent. A kidnapper snatches a journalist, and his relatives fear that their loved one is dead. Terrorists know that they can control many people, because fear has the power to immobilize not only individuals, but entire nations.

God spoke to the Israelites through the prophet, Isaiah: I, yes I, am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear? (Isaiah 51:12) Today, we will focus on why we are so paralyzed by fear.

Why are we so fearful?
As I mentioned in a previous blog, when we experience childhood sexual abuse or traumatic events, our brains get re-programmed. We begin to respond to many challenging issues with either fear or anger. They become automatic responses, and we may not even be aware of them.

What is fear?
Fear is the opposite of faith. With great faith, we trust in God to provide everything we need. We do not fear anything when we are faith-filled, because even in death, God provides for us.

Satan knows how powerful our faith is. That is why he uses fear so often to weaken our faith. If he can get us to believe a lie to make us afraid and lose faith in God, he will capitalize on it.

I have found it helpful to think of fear as a weed that Satan has planted in the garden of my life. If we have ever grown anything, we know that once we let weeds get started, they will choke the life out of our vegetables and flowers. So, if we get rid of our fears as soon as they sprout up, like the weeds in the garden, our life blossoms. Like weeds, we cannot just nip our fears off at the tips. We have to dig deep and get rid of the entire weed of fear.

Some of us who have survived abuse tend to fertilize, water, and make room for the weeds of fear in our lives. We make excuses for tending our fears, but we don’t realize that by doing so, we are choking out our own life energy.

Why should we work to eliminate fear?
One of the biggest roadblocks to forgiveness is the fear of confronting people who have wronged us. Fear may have paralyzed us to the point where we are no longer able to assert ourselves when we need to. We may be afraid that if we do confront someone, they will deny any wrong-doing on their part. We are also afraid that confrontation may turn the tables on us so that our perpetrators accuse us of being at fault. Eliminating our fears is essential if we ever want to get to the point of total forgiveness.

Some fears are warranted.
In some cases, being afraid of someone or something is warranted, because we are not safe. For example, if we choose to take a short-cut through a dark alley downtown late at night, we may become afraid. There is good reason for that fear: we know either from past experience or from others’ experiences that our behavior could place us in harm’s way. We can use our warranted fear to help us choose to walk only on well-lighted streets. In a case like this, our fear is similar to our anger: it serves as a warning that something is wrong.

Some fears are excuses for action.
On the other hand, some fears are just avoidance mechanisms that we use to skirt difficult issues. We must never use our fear as an excuse when we know that something needs to be addressed. Confronting others when they have done something to hurt us calls for us to stand up for ourselves.

We must also stand up for people who are unable to speak up for themselves—children, the elderly, the handicapped, and the poor are included in this group. As survivors of abuse and trauma, I believe we have a duty to other victims, too. Joe has frequently told our kids, “All it takes for evil to grow is for good people to do nothing about it.”

In the quote from Isaiah at the beginning of today's post, God asks us why we are afraid of other humans. He tells us that they all eventually wither like the grass and disappear. So why is is so hard for us to stand up to people and tell them how we feel? Next time, we will explore many of the root causes of our deep fears and how we can overcome this second roadblock to forgiveness.

Today's Challenge
Take out your journal and write down your top ten fears. Start thinking about how they took root, and we'll learn how to remove them on Monday.