Admit Your Faults

We continue with our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Now that we have learned how to recognize both righteousness and sin, we move on today with a look into our own faults. Recognizing that we are not perfect takes us one step closer to forgiving our enemies who have abused or traumatized us.

Forgiveness is impossible without humility.
If we want to forgive someone, we cannot keep an attitude of pride or superiority toward them. If we approach forgiveness with our noses in the air, we either make our enemies defensive, or we make them feel insignificant. Neither outcome is pleasing to God, who calls us to love one another.

I Peter 5:5 (NIV) tells us, All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." We can see that our efforts to forgive will be opposed by God if we approach the process with prideful attitudes. Our efforts are backed up by God's grace is we approach forgiveness with humility.

Stop judging your enemy.
There is an old saying that whenever we point a finger at someone, there are three others pointing back at us. We cannot forgive if we are focused on our enemy's sins. Jesus said in Matthew 7:3-5 (NIV):

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Beginning today, stop thinking about and clinging to all of the things that your enemy did to hurt you. Release these bitter thoughts to God and focus, instead, on the sweetness of his love for you.

Start examining yourself.
Lamentations 3:40 (NIV) reads, Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. Before any of us can forgive, we must look deep within to examine the condition of our own hearts. We are all sinners, and those of us who have suffered abuse or trauma generally carry with us sins such as anger, revenge, pride, and hatred.

I am not asking you to examine yourself to see if you have any sin. I'm asking you to look into your soul to see which sins need to be addressed. Through prayer, ask God to reveal your sins to you. Ask a trusted friend or your spouse what sins they see in you.

Admit your sins to God.
After you have identified which sins are hindering you from forgiving, admit them to God. He already knows what they are, but confessing them to him will relieve you of the burden of carrying them around.

Tell God that you have made a mess of your life and that you cannot manage it any longer. Ask him to lead you. Then pray that God will give you the good sense to follow him, rather than expecting him to act like a genie in a bottle whenever you need him to carry out a task for you. Remember, Christianity is about learning how to be a follower, not the leader. Leading is God's job, not ours.

Tell one other person about your sins.
We are not required to go to confession to have our sins forgiven. Jesus' death on the cross and resurrection gave us full access to him. However, I believe that telling someone whom we can trust about our faults gives us a great deal of leverage against sin. With an accountability partner knowing about our shortcomings, we have greater power through their prayers and encouragement.

Admitting our own faults is an important step in the forgiveness process. Why? Because we expect our enemies to admit their faults to us. And if we're going to come to an understanding of how difficult that can be for them, we must be willing to do it first.

I think about how hard it must have been for my father to carry around the secret of child molestation for so many years. Imagine how hard that would be. If just one child spoke out, his life would come tumbling down like a house of cards.

I am grateful that my dad finally confessed to the police about what he did to my daughter. It spared her from tremendous embarrassment and the stress involved with court appearances. More importantly, it set him on the road to forgiveness alongside us.

As we travel this journey, we are struggling to forgive someone who has deeply hurt us. It is important to remember that our enemies are struggling just as hard to let go of their sins. By admitting our own faults, we walk in their shoes. In doing so, we can begin to empathize with their battle.

Today's Challenge
Set aside some time for reflection and prayer. Ask God to reveal sins that you may not even be aware of in your quest to forgive. When they surface, write them down in your journal. Admit your sins to God and to one other trusted person. Write down how you think your enemy might be feeling about admitting his own faults. Begin to pray for him.