Jack Canfield's Success Principle #50
Most people avoid telling the truth for three reasons. They're afraid that it might make someone: 1) uncomfortable, 2) hurt, or 3) angry. If we don't tell the truth, we can't really live in reality, nor can others. Telling the truth frees everyone to deal with things the way they really are; not the way we wish they were.
What happens when you tell the truth?
When we withhold secrets about ourselves, it takes up a lot of our energy. On the other hand, when we release the truth about something or someone, our focus shifts away from what we were hiding to what God wants us to spend our lives doing.
For people who have been victims of incest, hiding the truth takes up an enormous amount of energy. It took me fifty years to speak the truth out loud. Prior to that time, I suffered from nightmares that robbed me of sleep and kept me in a fog through the day. I had a list of physical ailments as long as my arm.
After I told the truth about what had happened to me, I suddenly found that I had greater energy and clarity of mind. I began to complete tasks that had previously overwhelmed me. For the first time ever, I experienced joy.
What do you need to share?
Jack says that he believes the three things people most need to share are: 1) resentments that have built up; 2) the unmet needs that underlie those resentments; and 3) appreciations. I'd like to address the first two.
Survivors of incest harbor a lot of resentment against their parents, who failed to protect them from sexual abuse. When the very people we expected to keep us safe turned out to be the ones who hurt us the most; we can get into the unhealthy habit of dwelling daily on the pain of our past.
We can shift into a more positive state of mind by writing down our resentments on paper and telling God about how desperately neglected we felt as children. Even if our earthly parents have let us down, our heavenly Father never will.
I once went to a remote cabin and gathered hundreds of twigs from the forest floor. Carrying them to a fire ring, I sat with a hatchet and whacked each twig in half. With every blow of the blade, I told a truth about one of the many ways my mother had failed to meet my needs. When I was finished, I piled the twigs in the fire ring and set them ablaze. As the smoke rose heavenward, I told God that I was giving him all of my past pain. I felt an incredible release afterward, and my life's focus began to shift in a more positive direction.
When is the best time to tell the truth?
Generally, if we're asking ourselves when we should tell the truth, the answer is now. We'll probably be uncomfortable, and it may create lots of reactions. But telling the truth immediately is the right thing to do in most cases.
If we say, "But I don't want to hurt their feelings," we're telling a lie. What's really happening is that we don't want to hurt our own feelings. We're avoiding how we will feel when they get upset. This is the coward's way out. Hiding the truth always backfires. The longer we withhold it, the worse things get for everyone involved.
Once again, Dr. Seuss' quote comes to mind: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. This saying has given me the courage to tell the truth faster in many instances. The way I look at it, if someone blows their stack when I tell them the truth, they really don't matter in the big scheme of things.
One of the hardest conversations I ever had was with my mother. When I told her that my dad had molested me as a child, she refused to believe me. Instead, she rushed to my father's defense and fiercely clung to his denial. In that moment, I realized that my mother was one of those people who didn't matter. It was a sad revelation, but a freeing one.
As Jack pointed out, refusing to speak or hear the truth does not allow people to dwell in reality. Instead, they remain trapped in a world of their own invention. Are you living a real life or an imaginary one?
Proverbs 16:13 reads, Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth. Imagine trying to rule a kingdom surrounded by nothing but yes-men. How would a leader ever discern what was best for his subjects if his right-hand men were all afraid to tell him the truth?
How can we discern what's best for us if we're afraid to hear the truth about ourselves? How can we find the energy we need to cope with life if we're using it all up to hold back the truth?
Today's Challenge
On a sheet of paper, write down all of the resentments you feel toward people who have failed to meet your needs. In prayer, share your list with God and ask him to help you to speak the truth in love where it is appropriate. Make a commitment from this day forward to tell the truth faster. By doing so, you will free yourself and others to live in reality, not in an imaginary world that doesn't exist.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Have a Heart Talk
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #49
When feelings between business associates, friends, or family members don't get expressed appropriately, tension builds. If we're trying to work together to reach our goals, we cannot succeed if there's emotional static confusing our conversations.
Use Heart Talks to foster communication.
Cliff Durfee created something called the Heart Talk process, which Jack recommends. It is a very structured communication system that is used to release unexpressed emotions. The Heart Talk fosters rapport, understanding, and intimacy between people.
When can heart talks be useful?
Heart Talks are useful before meetings, when an emotionally charged event occurs, when there is conflict between people or groups; and on a regular basis at home, in the office, and in the classroom.
How is a Heart Talk conducted?
Begin a Heart Talk with 2 to 10 people. Explain that by following the guidelines, a safe, nonjudgmental space will be created to support everyone. Assemble the members in a circle and introduce the basic rules:
1) Only the person holding the heart (or other object) talks.
2) No one judges or criticizes what anyone else has said.
3) Pass the object to the left after your turn.
4) Talk about how you feel.
5) Keep the information you hear confidential.
6) Don't leave the room until everyone agrees that the talk is complete.
Post these guidelines where everyone can see them. If someone gets off track, point to the guideline they've broken.
Go around the group at least once so that everyone gets a turn. Keep starting over with the first person and going around until nobody has anything else to say. In that case, say 'pass' when the object reaches you.
What benefits can be expected from a Heart Talk?
A Heart Talk enhances people's listening skills, provides a constructive outlet for feelings, improves conflict resolution skills, enables people to let go of old resentments, develops mutual respect and understanding, and creates a sense of unity among the members.
More thoughts about the Heart Talk process.
I wish that I had known about the Heart Talk process before the holidays. It might have prevented the disastrous outcome we experienced when someone in the family verbally abused others and then stomped out in anger. The rest of us would have all been able to express our feelings honestly and completely if we had known about this process. As it is, we are left with unresolved emotions that are difficult to bring up.
Proverbs 29:22 (NIV) reads, An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins. I'm certain that the Heart Talk process probably works with most people. But I'm not so sure that abusers can be trusted within such a group. They generally have an agenda, and they typically remain angry, no matter what others do to try to help them. Beware of setting yourself up for further abuse if you attempt to do this one on one with an abusive person.
Today's Challenge
Choose to have a Heart Talk with an individual or small group of people today. Post the guidelines and facilitate the activity. Send me your comments about the outcome.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
When feelings between business associates, friends, or family members don't get expressed appropriately, tension builds. If we're trying to work together to reach our goals, we cannot succeed if there's emotional static confusing our conversations.
Use Heart Talks to foster communication.
Cliff Durfee created something called the Heart Talk process, which Jack recommends. It is a very structured communication system that is used to release unexpressed emotions. The Heart Talk fosters rapport, understanding, and intimacy between people.
When can heart talks be useful?
Heart Talks are useful before meetings, when an emotionally charged event occurs, when there is conflict between people or groups; and on a regular basis at home, in the office, and in the classroom.
How is a Heart Talk conducted?
Begin a Heart Talk with 2 to 10 people. Explain that by following the guidelines, a safe, nonjudgmental space will be created to support everyone. Assemble the members in a circle and introduce the basic rules:
1) Only the person holding the heart (or other object) talks.
2) No one judges or criticizes what anyone else has said.
3) Pass the object to the left after your turn.
4) Talk about how you feel.
5) Keep the information you hear confidential.
6) Don't leave the room until everyone agrees that the talk is complete.
Post these guidelines where everyone can see them. If someone gets off track, point to the guideline they've broken.
Go around the group at least once so that everyone gets a turn. Keep starting over with the first person and going around until nobody has anything else to say. In that case, say 'pass' when the object reaches you.
What benefits can be expected from a Heart Talk?
A Heart Talk enhances people's listening skills, provides a constructive outlet for feelings, improves conflict resolution skills, enables people to let go of old resentments, develops mutual respect and understanding, and creates a sense of unity among the members.
More thoughts about the Heart Talk process.
I wish that I had known about the Heart Talk process before the holidays. It might have prevented the disastrous outcome we experienced when someone in the family verbally abused others and then stomped out in anger. The rest of us would have all been able to express our feelings honestly and completely if we had known about this process. As it is, we are left with unresolved emotions that are difficult to bring up.
Proverbs 29:22 (NIV) reads, An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins. I'm certain that the Heart Talk process probably works with most people. But I'm not so sure that abusers can be trusted within such a group. They generally have an agenda, and they typically remain angry, no matter what others do to try to help them. Beware of setting yourself up for further abuse if you attempt to do this one on one with an abusive person.
Today's Challenge
Choose to have a Heart Talk with an individual or small group of people today. Post the guidelines and facilitate the activity. Send me your comments about the outcome.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Be Hear Now
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #48
Active listening--not just hearing--is the art of paying thoughtful attention to what a person is trying to communicate. It requires us to maintain eye contact, watch the speaker's body language, ask for clarification, and discern any unspoken messages.
Argue less and listen more.
Many people become defensive when we tell them that we are dissatisfied with some aspect of their behavior. Argumentative people who don't listen to constructive criticism generally fail to succeed in many endeavors.
If we want to be successful, we must learn to argue less and listen more. If we respond to feedback and adjust our actions, we can create more satisfying relationships, earn more respect from others, and reach our goals more quickly.
Be interested, rather than interesting.
For many abuse survivors, trying to carry on a conversation can be a challenge. We've been muted for so long, we don't know where to begin. We feel awkward with people we don't know well, and it's hard to trust ourselves to say something intelligent.
This tip should actually be easier for us than for many other people. Instead of trying to amuse, impress, or inform others; we can simply listen to what they have to say. When we become interested in others, we develop curiosity about what they feel, how they think, and how they see the world. We can discover their hopes, dreams, and fears. By doing this, others respond by seeking us!
In the movie, Being There, Peter Sellers was a mentally-challenged gardener whose wealthy employer died suddenly. Without anyone to look after his needs, Chancey Gardener went out into the world without a clue about how to manage his life. He was a man of so few words that everyone thought he was brilliant. He even managed to get himself elected President of the United States! Sometimes, the best way to impress others is to keep our mouths shut.
The wisdom behind active listening can also be found in Proverbs 18:13. He who answers before listening--that is his folly and his shame. We can't possibly answer anyone intelligently if we haven't taken the time to listen carefully to the message. We end up looking foolish or embarrassing ourselves when we fail to listen first.
Learn and apply these four powerful questions.
The next time you want to establish rapport with a business associate or a friend, try asking the following questions. Keep your mouth shut and listen to their responses. Jack swears you'll be amazed with the results, which he claims are magical.
1) If we were meeting three years from today, what has to have happened during that time for you to feel happy about your progress?
2) What are the biggest dangers you'll have to face and deal with in order to achieve that progress?
3) What are the biggest opportunities facing you that you would need to focus on and capture to achieve those things?
4) What strengths will you need to reinforce and maximize; and what skills and resources will you need to develop which you don't currently have in order to capture those opportunities?
Today's Challenge
Write down these four questions on an index card and carry it with you. Practice asking someone each question over lunch or dinner today. If the person doesn't want to answer the questions or can't come up with any responses, they are probably not the kind of individual with whom you should be doing business or forming close relationships. Either they may be unaware of their life purpose, or they don't trust others. In either case, reconsider how much of your time you should spend trying to help such closed-off people to achieve their goals.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Active listening--not just hearing--is the art of paying thoughtful attention to what a person is trying to communicate. It requires us to maintain eye contact, watch the speaker's body language, ask for clarification, and discern any unspoken messages.
Argue less and listen more.
Many people become defensive when we tell them that we are dissatisfied with some aspect of their behavior. Argumentative people who don't listen to constructive criticism generally fail to succeed in many endeavors.
If we want to be successful, we must learn to argue less and listen more. If we respond to feedback and adjust our actions, we can create more satisfying relationships, earn more respect from others, and reach our goals more quickly.
Be interested, rather than interesting.
For many abuse survivors, trying to carry on a conversation can be a challenge. We've been muted for so long, we don't know where to begin. We feel awkward with people we don't know well, and it's hard to trust ourselves to say something intelligent.
This tip should actually be easier for us than for many other people. Instead of trying to amuse, impress, or inform others; we can simply listen to what they have to say. When we become interested in others, we develop curiosity about what they feel, how they think, and how they see the world. We can discover their hopes, dreams, and fears. By doing this, others respond by seeking us!
In the movie, Being There, Peter Sellers was a mentally-challenged gardener whose wealthy employer died suddenly. Without anyone to look after his needs, Chancey Gardener went out into the world without a clue about how to manage his life. He was a man of so few words that everyone thought he was brilliant. He even managed to get himself elected President of the United States! Sometimes, the best way to impress others is to keep our mouths shut.
The wisdom behind active listening can also be found in Proverbs 18:13. He who answers before listening--that is his folly and his shame. We can't possibly answer anyone intelligently if we haven't taken the time to listen carefully to the message. We end up looking foolish or embarrassing ourselves when we fail to listen first.
Learn and apply these four powerful questions.
The next time you want to establish rapport with a business associate or a friend, try asking the following questions. Keep your mouth shut and listen to their responses. Jack swears you'll be amazed with the results, which he claims are magical.
1) If we were meeting three years from today, what has to have happened during that time for you to feel happy about your progress?
2) What are the biggest dangers you'll have to face and deal with in order to achieve that progress?
3) What are the biggest opportunities facing you that you would need to focus on and capture to achieve those things?
4) What strengths will you need to reinforce and maximize; and what skills and resources will you need to develop which you don't currently have in order to capture those opportunities?
Today's Challenge
Write down these four questions on an index card and carry it with you. Practice asking someone each question over lunch or dinner today. If the person doesn't want to answer the questions or can't come up with any responses, they are probably not the kind of individual with whom you should be doing business or forming close relationships. Either they may be unaware of their life purpose, or they don't trust others. In either case, reconsider how much of your time you should spend trying to help such closed-off people to achieve their goals.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Inquire Within
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #47
Trust your intuition.
Jack talks in this lesson about the small voice from within that we know as intuition. I prefer to think of intuition as direction from the Holy Spirit. Many people have learned to pay attention to God's advice and have experienced success. You can, too.
Develop your intution through meditation.
Jack recommends using meditation to access intuition. What is meditation? It's the process of clearing our minds and stilling our souls so that we can tap into messages from God. By focusing on our breathing, one word, a phrase, or an image; we can filter out extraneous thoughts so that we can hear the voice of the Holy Spirit.
Make time to listen.
Learning to meditate is not difficult, but it takes time. Like any discipline, it requires that we practice it regularly. Yoga, Healing Touch, and massage therapy are just a few of the ways we can relax deeply so that we can connect with God.
Jack also recommends sitting in nature, listening to inspiring music, praying, or writing in a personal journal. God has so many things he wants to say to us, but we must make time to listen if we are going to benefit from his words.
We may receive messages from God in the form of an audible voice, a sensation, a vision, a dream, words spoken by other people, or phrases from the Bible.
In the movie, Bruce Almighty, the main character asked God for a sign. Immediately, a truck full of road signs forced him off the road. This comical answer to prayer illustrates powerfully that God can show us the direction he wants us to take, provided we're paying attention.
Ask questions.
God can provide answers to anything we need to know. All we have to do is ask. Some sample questions include:
-Should I take this job?
-How can I achieve my ideal weight?
-How do I set boundaries?
-Should I marry this person?
-When should I sell the house?
-Who can I ask for help?
Write down the answers.
When we ask God questions, it is imperative that we immediately write down his answers. Research indicates that any new idea that is not written down within 37 seconds will never be recalled again.
Jack recommends using a digital voice recorder or 3 x 5 cards to record God's answers to our most pressing questions. For years, I have kept a journal beside my bed, where I record visions, dreams, and messages from God.
Take immediate action.
If we are going to tap into God's power, we must take immediate action whenever he gives us an answer. Jack provides a few inspiring examples of people who responded swiftly to God's directives.
When Jesus called his disciples, they all responded instantly. In Matthew 4:19-20, we see this clearly when Jesus called Peter and Andrew. "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed him.
I have often wondered why these twelve men dropped everything to follow Jesus. I have come to understand that his divine love must have compelled them to trust him completely. I believe that the more we trust God, the more quickly he provides us with ways to accomplish our dreams.
Today's Challenge
Spend some time today jotting down questions to important problems you are facing. Then, sit quietly and ask God to give you some answers. When they come to you, write them down immediately. Then, take swift action to carry out whatever God has instructed you to do.
Trust your intuition.
Jack talks in this lesson about the small voice from within that we know as intuition. I prefer to think of intuition as direction from the Holy Spirit. Many people have learned to pay attention to God's advice and have experienced success. You can, too.
Develop your intution through meditation.
Jack recommends using meditation to access intuition. What is meditation? It's the process of clearing our minds and stilling our souls so that we can tap into messages from God. By focusing on our breathing, one word, a phrase, or an image; we can filter out extraneous thoughts so that we can hear the voice of the Holy Spirit.
Make time to listen.
Learning to meditate is not difficult, but it takes time. Like any discipline, it requires that we practice it regularly. Yoga, Healing Touch, and massage therapy are just a few of the ways we can relax deeply so that we can connect with God.
Jack also recommends sitting in nature, listening to inspiring music, praying, or writing in a personal journal. God has so many things he wants to say to us, but we must make time to listen if we are going to benefit from his words.
We may receive messages from God in the form of an audible voice, a sensation, a vision, a dream, words spoken by other people, or phrases from the Bible.
In the movie, Bruce Almighty, the main character asked God for a sign. Immediately, a truck full of road signs forced him off the road. This comical answer to prayer illustrates powerfully that God can show us the direction he wants us to take, provided we're paying attention.
Ask questions.
God can provide answers to anything we need to know. All we have to do is ask. Some sample questions include:
-Should I take this job?
-How can I achieve my ideal weight?
-How do I set boundaries?
-Should I marry this person?
-When should I sell the house?
-Who can I ask for help?
Write down the answers.
When we ask God questions, it is imperative that we immediately write down his answers. Research indicates that any new idea that is not written down within 37 seconds will never be recalled again.
Jack recommends using a digital voice recorder or 3 x 5 cards to record God's answers to our most pressing questions. For years, I have kept a journal beside my bed, where I record visions, dreams, and messages from God.
Take immediate action.
If we are going to tap into God's power, we must take immediate action whenever he gives us an answer. Jack provides a few inspiring examples of people who responded swiftly to God's directives.
When Jesus called his disciples, they all responded instantly. In Matthew 4:19-20, we see this clearly when Jesus called Peter and Andrew. "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed him.
I have often wondered why these twelve men dropped everything to follow Jesus. I have come to understand that his divine love must have compelled them to trust him completely. I believe that the more we trust God, the more quickly he provides us with ways to accomplish our dreams.
Today's Challenge
Spend some time today jotting down questions to important problems you are facing. Then, sit quietly and ask God to give you some answers. When they come to you, write them down immediately. Then, take swift action to carry out whatever God has instructed you to do.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Mastermind Your Way to Success
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #46
Masterminding is the process of meeting with five or six people every week to problem-solve, brainstorm, network, encourage, and motivate each other. Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, and Harvey Firestone met regularly at their winter mansions in Fort Myers, Florida to encourage one another.
The secret to the success of masterminding is that God stands at the center of any group where all of the members are focused on the same goals. In Matthew 18:20, God promises, For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Accelerate your growth through a mastermind group.
More can be achieved in less time when people work together. When we share new perspectives, knowledge, experiences, and resoucrces with others, we can move beyond our own limited view of the world.
A mastermind group can be made up of people from a single industry or from a variety of professions. The members can focus on business issues, personal issues, or both.
In a mastermind group, everyone must be comfortable enough with each other to tell the truth. By keeping confidences about what is shared in the group, participants can progress rapidly.
Through loving confrontation, group members can help others to grow. Jack Canfield's partners confronted him about overcommitting, selling his services too cheaply, focusing on trivial issues, failing to delegate, and playing it safe. He really appreciated their help and their honesty.
I have been a member of Al-Anon, which is similar to Jack's mastermind group; but instead of focusing on business, I learned to cope with the alcoholics and other dysfunctional members in my family. Within the confidential safety of Al-Anon, adult children of alcoholics, victims of incest, and survivors of sexual abuse can learn new perspectives, problem-solving skills, networking, encouragement, and motivation.
There are many mastermind groups which are similar to Al-Anon. They help people to cope with a multitude of problems, such as grief, divorce, job loss, step-parenting, and many other life issues.
Organize a mastermind group.
Anyone can organize a mastermind group, even if they haven't yet achieved their goals. The success of organizing a mastermind group lies in inviting members who are a notch above us. If that seems intimidating, remember that we're the ones organizing and facilitating the group, so it's relatively easy for our would-be mentors to get involved. Jack reminds us to keep the group to five or six people so that everyone's needs get met.
Conduct mastermind meetings for success.
Mastermind meetings should occur once every week or two for 1 to 2 hours. For the first few meetings, one member should familiarize the others with his situation, opportunities, needs, and challenges. In later meetings, each member gets a specified amount of time to update the others, get feedback, and ask for help. One person must be assigned to serve as the timekeeper.
Jack recommends following a set format for proven results:
1) Ask for spritiual guidance by delivering an invocation.
Mastermind meetings should always begin with a request for God's spirit to surround them and guide them. Members can share this duty, or one person can be assigned to handle it.
2) Share what's new and good.
Each meeting should begin with a success story. This habit keeps the group focused on the positive.
3) Negotiate for time.
Each member negotiates at the beginning of the meetings for the time needed to address issues. This prevents monopolizers or dominators from driving away other particiants.
4) Individuals speak while others listen and then brainstorm solutions.
Discussions can include a variety of topics, such as: "I need to find a new assistant;" or "I'm looking for a psychologist to help me with my child's behavior problems;" or "I need to learn how to set better boundaries."
After the person has described their problem, the rest of the group brainstorms possible solutions. The minute the allotted time has been used, the timekeeper states, "Time's up!" The discussion moves immediately to the next person.
5) Make a commitment to stretch.
Prior to the close of each meeting, the timekeeper should ask each member to state briefly what his next action will be to move himself closer to his goal. This ensures that the group keeps moving forward.
6) End with a moment of gratitude.
All meetings should end with a group prayer to express gratitude. One person can lead it, or each person can contribute.
7) Be accountable.
At the opening of the next meeting, each person should report whether or not he carried out his actions as promised. This is one of the most powerful aspects of mastermind groups, because we're more likely to carry through on a commitment if someone is expecting results from us.
Find an accountability partner.
If it's not possible to join a mastermind group, we can follow this same format with an accountability partner. I have done this a number of times, with mixed outcomes.
If the partner we choose is as committed as we are to achieving success, it works well. But if our partner doesn't listen to us, fails to follow our advice, or breaks commitments; it's more difficult to help her achieve success. I believe a larger group wields a lot more power than one person does in holding someone accountable.
Get started with a mastermind group now.
For those of you interested in growing a business, you can get information about masterminding through the Young Entrepreneurs Organization, The Executive Committee, and the Young Presidents' Organization online at www.yeo.org, www.teconline.com, and www.ypo.org.
For those looking to address personal issues, look online or in your local newspaper for information about Al-Anon groups, religious organization support groups, parenting associations, or weight-loss meeting places.
Today's Challenge
Organize your own mastermind group this week or join an organization that will allow you to brainstorm with others who share similar interests. If you can't join a mastermind group, find an accountability partner through a Stephen Ministry program, therapist, Al-Anon sponsor, or business person who shares similar interests.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Masterminding is the process of meeting with five or six people every week to problem-solve, brainstorm, network, encourage, and motivate each other. Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, and Harvey Firestone met regularly at their winter mansions in Fort Myers, Florida to encourage one another.
The secret to the success of masterminding is that God stands at the center of any group where all of the members are focused on the same goals. In Matthew 18:20, God promises, For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Accelerate your growth through a mastermind group.
More can be achieved in less time when people work together. When we share new perspectives, knowledge, experiences, and resoucrces with others, we can move beyond our own limited view of the world.
A mastermind group can be made up of people from a single industry or from a variety of professions. The members can focus on business issues, personal issues, or both.
In a mastermind group, everyone must be comfortable enough with each other to tell the truth. By keeping confidences about what is shared in the group, participants can progress rapidly.
Through loving confrontation, group members can help others to grow. Jack Canfield's partners confronted him about overcommitting, selling his services too cheaply, focusing on trivial issues, failing to delegate, and playing it safe. He really appreciated their help and their honesty.
I have been a member of Al-Anon, which is similar to Jack's mastermind group; but instead of focusing on business, I learned to cope with the alcoholics and other dysfunctional members in my family. Within the confidential safety of Al-Anon, adult children of alcoholics, victims of incest, and survivors of sexual abuse can learn new perspectives, problem-solving skills, networking, encouragement, and motivation.
There are many mastermind groups which are similar to Al-Anon. They help people to cope with a multitude of problems, such as grief, divorce, job loss, step-parenting, and many other life issues.
Organize a mastermind group.
Anyone can organize a mastermind group, even if they haven't yet achieved their goals. The success of organizing a mastermind group lies in inviting members who are a notch above us. If that seems intimidating, remember that we're the ones organizing and facilitating the group, so it's relatively easy for our would-be mentors to get involved. Jack reminds us to keep the group to five or six people so that everyone's needs get met.
Conduct mastermind meetings for success.
Mastermind meetings should occur once every week or two for 1 to 2 hours. For the first few meetings, one member should familiarize the others with his situation, opportunities, needs, and challenges. In later meetings, each member gets a specified amount of time to update the others, get feedback, and ask for help. One person must be assigned to serve as the timekeeper.
Jack recommends following a set format for proven results:
1) Ask for spritiual guidance by delivering an invocation.
Mastermind meetings should always begin with a request for God's spirit to surround them and guide them. Members can share this duty, or one person can be assigned to handle it.
2) Share what's new and good.
Each meeting should begin with a success story. This habit keeps the group focused on the positive.
3) Negotiate for time.
Each member negotiates at the beginning of the meetings for the time needed to address issues. This prevents monopolizers or dominators from driving away other particiants.
4) Individuals speak while others listen and then brainstorm solutions.
Discussions can include a variety of topics, such as: "I need to find a new assistant;" or "I'm looking for a psychologist to help me with my child's behavior problems;" or "I need to learn how to set better boundaries."
After the person has described their problem, the rest of the group brainstorms possible solutions. The minute the allotted time has been used, the timekeeper states, "Time's up!" The discussion moves immediately to the next person.
5) Make a commitment to stretch.
Prior to the close of each meeting, the timekeeper should ask each member to state briefly what his next action will be to move himself closer to his goal. This ensures that the group keeps moving forward.
6) End with a moment of gratitude.
All meetings should end with a group prayer to express gratitude. One person can lead it, or each person can contribute.
7) Be accountable.
At the opening of the next meeting, each person should report whether or not he carried out his actions as promised. This is one of the most powerful aspects of mastermind groups, because we're more likely to carry through on a commitment if someone is expecting results from us.
Find an accountability partner.
If it's not possible to join a mastermind group, we can follow this same format with an accountability partner. I have done this a number of times, with mixed outcomes.
If the partner we choose is as committed as we are to achieving success, it works well. But if our partner doesn't listen to us, fails to follow our advice, or breaks commitments; it's more difficult to help her achieve success. I believe a larger group wields a lot more power than one person does in holding someone accountable.
Get started with a mastermind group now.
For those of you interested in growing a business, you can get information about masterminding through the Young Entrepreneurs Organization, The Executive Committee, and the Young Presidents' Organization online at www.yeo.org, www.teconline.com, and www.ypo.org.
For those looking to address personal issues, look online or in your local newspaper for information about Al-Anon groups, religious organization support groups, parenting associations, or weight-loss meeting places.
Today's Challenge
Organize your own mastermind group this week or join an organization that will allow you to brainstorm with others who share similar interests. If you can't join a mastermind group, find an accountability partner through a Stephen Ministry program, therapist, Al-Anon sponsor, or business person who shares similar interests.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Hire a Personal Coach
Recognize the need for coaching.
A personal coach can help us clarify our life purpose, set goals, support us as we overcome fears, keep us on track, change outdated behaviors, validate our successes, and expect the best from us. There are many types of coaches available to us, including business coaches, writing coaches, marketing coaches, and personal coaches.
Coaches are great encouragers.
If we have experienced long-term abuse, we can rediscover our strength through people who have the gift of encouragement. My purpose statement stems from Hebrews 3:13: But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today... Throughout my life, I have been encouraged by mature women who understood my need for support and direction.
Make a careful search for a coach.
Jack provides information about The Strategic Coach Program, one which helps entrepreneurs to double their free time while earning more money. Another one he likes is Mike Foster of Tech Coach, a technology and computer coach (www.ceotechcoach.com).
Coaching can be done privately or in small groups. We can expect a coach to help us develop goals, strategies, and a plan of action to help us succeed. The frequency of meetings with coaches varies from once a week to once a month.
We can find coaches by searching the Internet, looking in the phone book, or asking around. Organizations such as Coach U and the International Coach Federation can help us locate a coach.
As a survivor of abuse, I have found excellent encouragement (coaching) through: my minister, my high school guidance counselor, Al-Anon for Adult Children of Alcoholics, psychologists, Stephen Ministers, and Healing Touch practitioners. All of these kind souls have helped me to set boundaries, to develop goals to improve myself, to encourage me to stick with my action plan, and to sort out the harmful effects of abuse.
If we have been blessed with excellent coaching, it's not something we can easily keep to ourselves. I have passed on this gift of encouragement by coaching people for years.
My career as a coach began when my students started approaching me for help. I taught them how to cope within their abusive families and how to respond to their parents who were alcoholics, drug addicts, prostitutes, and inmates.
Over time, students from other classrooms sought me out, as did their teachers. Eventually, I was hired by my school district to serve as a consultant to other teachers who were dealing with abused kids in their classrooms.
When my own children became adults, I offered them assistance with money and time management techniques. I have coached friends who needed to improve their organizational and household management skills, and I have emotionally supported women as they fought their way out of abusive marriages.
Today, I write about coaching, teach classes, and meet with individuals to encourage them to thrive, in spite of life's unexpected hurts. If you would like my help, you may contact me by email at cheryldenton@rocketmail.com.
Today's Challenge
We all need a coach at some point in our lives. Can you recognize the people who have supported you in the past? In what area of your life do you need encouragement now? Take time today to search for a coach to help you achieve your dreams in the new year. Make 2011 your best year ever!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
A personal coach can help us clarify our life purpose, set goals, support us as we overcome fears, keep us on track, change outdated behaviors, validate our successes, and expect the best from us. There are many types of coaches available to us, including business coaches, writing coaches, marketing coaches, and personal coaches.
Coaches are great encouragers.
If we have experienced long-term abuse, we can rediscover our strength through people who have the gift of encouragement. My purpose statement stems from Hebrews 3:13: But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today... Throughout my life, I have been encouraged by mature women who understood my need for support and direction.
Make a careful search for a coach.
Jack provides information about The Strategic Coach Program, one which helps entrepreneurs to double their free time while earning more money. Another one he likes is Mike Foster of Tech Coach, a technology and computer coach (www.ceotechcoach.com).
Coaching can be done privately or in small groups. We can expect a coach to help us develop goals, strategies, and a plan of action to help us succeed. The frequency of meetings with coaches varies from once a week to once a month.
We can find coaches by searching the Internet, looking in the phone book, or asking around. Organizations such as Coach U and the International Coach Federation can help us locate a coach.
As a survivor of abuse, I have found excellent encouragement (coaching) through: my minister, my high school guidance counselor, Al-Anon for Adult Children of Alcoholics, psychologists, Stephen Ministers, and Healing Touch practitioners. All of these kind souls have helped me to set boundaries, to develop goals to improve myself, to encourage me to stick with my action plan, and to sort out the harmful effects of abuse.
If we have been blessed with excellent coaching, it's not something we can easily keep to ourselves. I have passed on this gift of encouragement by coaching people for years.
My career as a coach began when my students started approaching me for help. I taught them how to cope within their abusive families and how to respond to their parents who were alcoholics, drug addicts, prostitutes, and inmates.
Over time, students from other classrooms sought me out, as did their teachers. Eventually, I was hired by my school district to serve as a consultant to other teachers who were dealing with abused kids in their classrooms.
When my own children became adults, I offered them assistance with money and time management techniques. I have coached friends who needed to improve their organizational and household management skills, and I have emotionally supported women as they fought their way out of abusive marriages.
Today, I write about coaching, teach classes, and meet with individuals to encourage them to thrive, in spite of life's unexpected hurts. If you would like my help, you may contact me by email at cheryldenton@rocketmail.com.
Today's Challenge
We all need a coach at some point in our lives. Can you recognize the people who have supported you in the past? In what area of your life do you need encouragement now? Take time today to search for a coach to help you achieve your dreams in the new year. Make 2011 your best year ever!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Friday, December 31, 2010
Find a Wing to Climb Under
Jack Canfield's Success Principle #44
Successful people constantly ask for advice from mentors who have triumphed over the same hardships in the past. Do you have a mentor?
Determine in advance what you want from a mentor.
Mentors can help us to see possibilities that we can't. Perhaps they can open doors for us. Or maybe they can refer us to someone else who can help. Sometimes a mentor simply validates what we're doing. In any case, we need to be specific about what we want them to do for us before we meet them.
I met with my mentor yesterday, with several specific questions regarding ways to protect my health. I had encountered two very abusive people during the holidays--people I would call crazymakers.
Through healing touch--a modality that involves prayer to strengthen our energy--I have overcome considerable pain and a lot of psychological junk in the past few seasons. In just a few days, those crazymakers undid a lot of the progress I had made. The pain was back, and so was the inner turmoil that I thought I had put behind me.
My mentor was wonderful. She validated my responses to the abusers, praising me for speaking truthfully to them and for naming their crazymaking behaviors accurately. She advised me to avoid these people in the future; neither one of them is helping me to achieve my goal of recovery from illness and abuse. She reminded me that all it takes is one encounter with a crazymaker to reactivate my PTSD.
I want to say to you, dear reader, that all of the success principles we've been discussing are useless if we live or work with people who make us crazy. It's impossible to be productive and successful when we're spending all of our time defending ourselves against their attacks. We must leave them behind if we want to live a healthy, peaceful, successful life.
Do your homework.
Everyone could use a mentor to help them with their profession, as well as with their personal pursuits. But where do we find them? We can read our specific industry magazines, look on the Internet, ask others in our profession, or attend seminars.
Most people are afraid to approach a mentor for advice. This is silly. Many well-rounded and experienced people are happy to share their secrets for success. By helping us, they can leave a legacy for the next generation.
So how do we approach a mentor? Here's a quick script that is similar to the one from The Success Principles:
Hello, Mrs. Smith. My name is Cheryl. We haven't met yet. I know you're a busy woman, so I'll be brief. I own a small life coaching business. Over the years, I've watched you building your business into one of the most successful in the country. I'm sure you encountered some challenges when you started out. Well, I'm in those early stages, trying to figure everything out. Mrs. Smith, I would really appreciate it if you would consider being my mentor. All that would mean is spending ten minutes on the phone with me once a month so that I could ask you a few questions. I'd really appreciate it. Would you be open to that?
Most mentors will agree when we put it to them this way. If someone turns us down, we must keep asking until we find a good match.
There is a network of over 10,000 retired business volunteers who offer advice. They work for SCORE, Service Corps of Retired Executives. We can find one of them at www.score.org.
I've utilized the services of the Small Business Development Center near me. They've been very helpful in teaching me how to set up my internet shop, Hope Quilts of Ohio. I found them by looking at www.sba.gov/sbdc.
Take action on your mentor's advice.
After we find a mentor, we must not waste her time by ignoring what she advised us to do. In my case, if I invited one of the crazymakers I recently encountered into my home, it would invalidate everything I learned from my mentor.
Be prepared to return the favor.
Whenever possible, we should try to help out our mentors. We can keep them informed about a new trend in our industry or call them with new opportunities for their businesses. One of the best ways to repay the favor is to pay it forward to someone else who needs a mentor. I know that the reason I am so interested in helping others is because so many wonderful women have helped me over the years.
Turn to God for advice, too.
When our mentors are unavailable to us, God is always there to provide wisdom and comfort. Psalm 91:4 is one of my favorite verses: He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge...
There have been many times in the past when an abuser rattled me so badly, I couldn't function. I turned to God, with this vision of being like a small bird nestling under the warmth and protection of his wing. He never failed to comfort me and give me the courage to go back out into the world and try again.
Today's Challenge
We can all use a mentor, either for business advice or life coaching. Figure out today where you need help, then identify someone more experienced than you are to help you reach your goals. Take the initiative to make that phone call and ask for the help you need. Remember, you get what you expect, so think positively about their response!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Successful people constantly ask for advice from mentors who have triumphed over the same hardships in the past. Do you have a mentor?
Determine in advance what you want from a mentor.
Mentors can help us to see possibilities that we can't. Perhaps they can open doors for us. Or maybe they can refer us to someone else who can help. Sometimes a mentor simply validates what we're doing. In any case, we need to be specific about what we want them to do for us before we meet them.
I met with my mentor yesterday, with several specific questions regarding ways to protect my health. I had encountered two very abusive people during the holidays--people I would call crazymakers.
Through healing touch--a modality that involves prayer to strengthen our energy--I have overcome considerable pain and a lot of psychological junk in the past few seasons. In just a few days, those crazymakers undid a lot of the progress I had made. The pain was back, and so was the inner turmoil that I thought I had put behind me.
My mentor was wonderful. She validated my responses to the abusers, praising me for speaking truthfully to them and for naming their crazymaking behaviors accurately. She advised me to avoid these people in the future; neither one of them is helping me to achieve my goal of recovery from illness and abuse. She reminded me that all it takes is one encounter with a crazymaker to reactivate my PTSD.
I want to say to you, dear reader, that all of the success principles we've been discussing are useless if we live or work with people who make us crazy. It's impossible to be productive and successful when we're spending all of our time defending ourselves against their attacks. We must leave them behind if we want to live a healthy, peaceful, successful life.
Do your homework.
Everyone could use a mentor to help them with their profession, as well as with their personal pursuits. But where do we find them? We can read our specific industry magazines, look on the Internet, ask others in our profession, or attend seminars.
Most people are afraid to approach a mentor for advice. This is silly. Many well-rounded and experienced people are happy to share their secrets for success. By helping us, they can leave a legacy for the next generation.
So how do we approach a mentor? Here's a quick script that is similar to the one from The Success Principles:
Hello, Mrs. Smith. My name is Cheryl. We haven't met yet. I know you're a busy woman, so I'll be brief. I own a small life coaching business. Over the years, I've watched you building your business into one of the most successful in the country. I'm sure you encountered some challenges when you started out. Well, I'm in those early stages, trying to figure everything out. Mrs. Smith, I would really appreciate it if you would consider being my mentor. All that would mean is spending ten minutes on the phone with me once a month so that I could ask you a few questions. I'd really appreciate it. Would you be open to that?
Most mentors will agree when we put it to them this way. If someone turns us down, we must keep asking until we find a good match.
There is a network of over 10,000 retired business volunteers who offer advice. They work for SCORE, Service Corps of Retired Executives. We can find one of them at www.score.org.
I've utilized the services of the Small Business Development Center near me. They've been very helpful in teaching me how to set up my internet shop, Hope Quilts of Ohio. I found them by looking at www.sba.gov/sbdc.
Take action on your mentor's advice.
After we find a mentor, we must not waste her time by ignoring what she advised us to do. In my case, if I invited one of the crazymakers I recently encountered into my home, it would invalidate everything I learned from my mentor.
Be prepared to return the favor.
Whenever possible, we should try to help out our mentors. We can keep them informed about a new trend in our industry or call them with new opportunities for their businesses. One of the best ways to repay the favor is to pay it forward to someone else who needs a mentor. I know that the reason I am so interested in helping others is because so many wonderful women have helped me over the years.
Turn to God for advice, too.
When our mentors are unavailable to us, God is always there to provide wisdom and comfort. Psalm 91:4 is one of my favorite verses: He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge...
There have been many times in the past when an abuser rattled me so badly, I couldn't function. I turned to God, with this vision of being like a small bird nestling under the warmth and protection of his wing. He never failed to comfort me and give me the courage to go back out into the world and try again.
Today's Challenge
We can all use a mentor, either for business advice or life coaching. Figure out today where you need help, then identify someone more experienced than you are to help you reach your goals. Take the initiative to make that phone call and ask for the help you need. Remember, you get what you expect, so think positively about their response!
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
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