Love Your Enemies

We continue today with our series, Thriving in God's Garden, a study based on the fruit of the Spirit as described in Galatians 5:22. This week, we are learning about our love relationship with God and with others. Today, I would like to discuss how we can love our enemies.

What does the Bible say about love for our enemies?
Luke 6:27-28 (NIV) reads: But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Jesus spoke these words to his disciples to make three points:

1) We should never treat others spitefully, even when they abuse us;
2) We should love everyone; and
3) We should go the extra mile to express love to our enemies.

How can we protect ourselves from further abuse?
When I used to read this passage, my warning signals began going off. I knew that if I expressed love in practical ways to the abusive people in my life, they would come after me like a pack of wolves on an injured sheep.

We often mistakenly interpret this message to mean that we must put ourselves into a relationship with people who abuse us. This is not what Jesus meant. We can love them from a distance, and Jesus gave us examples of how we might do that.

Show your enemies your love in appropriate ways.
For women who have been victims of domestic violence or adults who suffered childhood sexual abuse, expressing love to their abusers can be difficult. But it is not impossible.

First, let me say that there are ways to express love to abusers that I would not recommend. If your expression of love results in your abuser verbally abusing you, emotionally destroying you at every opportunity, physically harming you, or taking advantage of you sexually for their own gratification; you should immediately remove yourself and any children from such a situation. Every individual's emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual safety must be considered first.

Many abusers do not have the skills to live within a relationship without hurting or using others. Therefore, we must be careful to protect ourselves when we express love to them. If we are kind to them, and in return we receive more abuse, it may be time to step back and wait. In some cases, our abusers may never respond appropriately, but at least we can say we have tried.

When we are in a safe place and free from further abuse, we can find ways to express love to that person who hurt us. From a human perspective, this can feel impossible. But if we pray and ask Jesus to help us love, we may be surprised by what happens.

At first, loving our enemies begins with a lessening of the hatred and anger we feel toward them. Over time, we let go of our need to control the situation or to seek revenge. Eventually, with God's help, we can get to the point where we actually wish only good for our abusers.

When we get to that point of recovery, we can find ways to do good for our abusers and to bless them. Here are some practical ways we can bless our abusers without getting hurt again. We can:

-Stop bringing up the past and recounting all of the horrific things our abusers did. We can talk about our pain with a counselor or with God, and then let it go.
-Pray that God will bless our abusers with the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
-Send our abusers simple cards of encouragement with loving Scripture verses included.
-If our abusers are incarcerated, we can send them gift packages that are provided by the prison system. These include food items, books, and games.

Don't use love to control outcomes with your enemies.
We learned in our previous series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, that we are the last person our abuser needs to point out how he should change. If his heart is ever open, he may accept correction from someone else. This is not a job that we should take on.

Remember, the only person we can ever change is ourselves. So when we send cards or gifts, our underlying purpose must be only to express love, not to force an outcome that we desire.

When we express love to people who hate us, curse us, and do all kinds of evil things to hurt us; there is no longer much room in our hearts for returning the evil. It's hard to hate someone while expressing kindness to them. This is why Jesus encourages us to love everyone. It's a great antidote for getting stuck in a place of bitterness and revenge.

Today's Challenge
Take some time to think about how you might safely express love to someone who has hurt you. Make a list of ideas and share it with a counselor or trusted friend. Ask them to help you sort out which ideas would be most helpful to your enemy without jeopardizing your safety. Take action to express love in one way to your enemy when the timing is right.

Do You Love God?

In our current series, Thriving in God's Garden, we are focusing on the topic of love this week. Yesterday, we took time to think about the depth of God's love for us. Today, I would like to reflect upon what we are doing with that love.

Love is a two-step process.
When God sends love our way, it's the beginning of a process. Until we accept his love and return it to him, the process is incomplete. Think of someone serving a tennis ball to us, which we just stand and watch without even attempting to hit it back. We aren't in the game until we return the love that God volleys our way.

If God's love is so wonderful, why are so many of us standing with our arms dangling at our sides, watching it pass us by?

True Love versus Love Myths
As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we frequently confuse our need for God's love with our need for reassurance and safety. We have been lied to about what love is through the perverse actions of people who were supposed to love and nurture us.

If the abuse doesn't leave us confused about love, we are further bombarded with fairy tales about handsome princes when we're little. As we grow up, chick flicks send us the mythical message that we'll be happy if we find the perfect husband.

Without a clear understanding of God's love, we may blunder into unhealthy relationships and marriages. When we don't find the mythical love that we thought was ours for the taking, we blunder back out of those relationships through divorce. And if we don't take the time to understand God's true love along the way, we may blunder through numerous marriages and divorces.

So, if mythical love is all wrong, how do we find our way to the true love that only God can offer us?

Godly men set great examples.
A healthy earthly father exhibits the fruit of the Spirit, as we learned yesterday. He is loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. If he is walking with God, he reflects God's character. Does this describe your father?

If you did not grow up with this type of father, I hope that God sent other men throughout your childhood to model these character traits for you. God sent me a neighbor, a cousin, a teacher, and a bus driver who were all excellent examples of the way a father should love his children.

So many single mothers worry that their boys need a good male role model around. But I believe it's just as important for girls to have a godly man in their lives, because it helps them to learn how to accept God's love throughout their lives. It also teaches them what to look for in a mate.

How much do you love God?
Today, I would like you to think about how much you love God. This can be a really difficult concept for people who have been abused by their fathers or other men in their families. Sexual predators made it really tough for us to love or respect God, our heavenly Father.

For years, I struggled with this concept of returning God's love. I knew that he loved me, but I could never seem to connect with him in a way that felt as if we were in a relationship.

And then I began watching movies which Joe brought home: Matthew and The Gospel of John , both produced by a company known as The Visual Bible. They are word-for-word portrayals of the Bible's descriptions of Jesus' life here on earth. They show clearly how much Jesus loves us.

In Matthew 22:37 (NIV), Jesus told his disciples, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'" As I watched Jesus loving his disciples, and the disciples crying over him during the crucifixion, I recognized for the first time what it would feel like to be in a love relationship with God. It moved me to tears.

Today, if you visit my house, you may find one of these movies playing in the background as I sew, clean, or cook. The Gospel messages serve as constant reminders that God offers the only true love there is. And they help me remember that it's safe and reassuring if I return that love to him.

How do we love God?
We can return God's love by praying to him, singing to him, standing in his presence, entering into a place of silence with him, listening to his voice, and appreciating his Word. In response to his love, we may shout, dance, clap, or laugh. His love may inspire us to write poetry, compose music, paint pictures, or create beautiful things that reflect that love.

We don't have to wait until we're in church to show God how much we love him. Imagine how awful we'd feel if we could only express love to others for one hour each week. We can love God all day long every day.

Today's Challenge
You may love your spouse, your kids, your cat, or even your possessions. But how much do you love God? Take time today to think about this, and if you're struggling with this concept, read the Gospel of John or watch The Visual Bible movies. Afterward, write in your journal about how God's Word changed the way you express love to God.

God Loves Us

This week, I would like to talk about love in my series for survivors of abuse and trauma, Thriving in God's Garden. My focus is not on the type of romantic love that we think about on Valentine's Day or Sweetest Day, but on the type that God feels for us. In Greek, this love is known as agape.

John 3:16 (NIV) tells us about this love: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Today, I would like you to think about how much God loves us.

I have a son who served in Iraq in the Marine Corps. The entire time that he was overseas, I begged God to protect him from bombs that fell from the sky and those that were strapped to suicide bombers. My prayers were entirely selfish, because all I wanted was for my son to return. I wasn't thinking about the love he felt for helpless people in a war-torn country.

God sent his son, Jesus, into the world to serve, too. But he didn't think about selfishly bringing him back home as quickly as possible. Instead, he allowed people to mock him, spit on him, beat him, and kill him.

Why didn't God stop this from happening? If he had prevented Jesus' crucifixion, all of us would still be subject to the punishment that we rightly deserve for our wrongs. By letting his son die, God showed how much he loves us. Because Christ's death on the cross--and his resurrection--saves us from the punishment that we deserve and allows us to live forever in a loving relationship with God.

My prayers for my son's safety during war were short-sighted and selfish. God's plan to save us through Jesus was very long-sighted and incredibly loving. Do you know what this love feels like? How have you experienced it?

Today's Challenge
Meditate on the words of John 3:16. How does it make you feel when you allow yourself to experience the magnitude of God's love for you?

The Fruit of the Spirit

Today, we begin a new series, Thriving in God's Garden. This study is based on the fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22 (NIV):

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

In my previous series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, we discovered that abuse or trauma can leave us feeling angry, fearful, mistrusting, guilty, vengeful, prideful, hateful, or depressed. It destroys our self-esteem. If we take away these things from our spirits, we must replace them with something better.

What better place to begin than learning how to grow the fruit of the Spirit in our own souls? Removing old, useless feelings and replacing them with positive thoughts and actions helps us to grow spiritually, emotionally, and socially. And I believe that when we are balanced in these three ways, our physical health improves, too.

Today's Challenge
Write Galatians 5:22 on something that you will be sure to see every day. I would like you to commit it to memory so that when you feel yourself slipping back into old patterns, you can use this verse to re-focus. Be creative with where you write it. When I decided to memorize it, I wrote it on a saw horse that I was using while building a garden project. Within a week, I had it memorized.

Release Your Enemy to God

For the past two months, we have journeyed together through my series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. Today is the final post on this topic. Next week, we will begin a new series based on the fruit of the Spirit, titled Thriving in God's Garden.

Forgiveness is a long journey.
For a number of years, I have been working through this process of forgiving the people who have hurt me the most. I would like to thank my friends and readers who have offered their thoughts about this topic. You have all been extremely helpful. The following paragraphs contain my conclusions about how a survivor of abuse or trauma can remove the roadblocks to forgiveness and begin to thrive.

We are deeply wounded by abuse or trauma.
First, we must acknowledge that childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, and trauma all leave us with scars. When our perpetrators are finished with us, we may feel:

angry,
fearful,
mistrusting,
incompetent,
guilty,
vengeful,
prideful,
hateful, or
depressed.

Before we can forgive, we must face the truth about our past. If it was hurtful, we need to admit that to ourselves. Then, we need to ask God to comfort us.

Misunderstandings about forgiveness stand as roadblocks for us.
Second, we must realize that many misunderstandings about forgiveness stand in our way to achieving inner peace. These roadblocks to forgiveness include the following:

Roadblock #1: We must learn to get along with evil people.
Often, victims of childhood sexual abuse are told by their abusers that sexual activity between children and adults is good. Harming a child for self-gratification is never good. Actions such as these are always evil, but evil people may try to convince us that they are good.

When we fail to recognize the differences between good and evil, we get stranded on the side of the forgiveness road. The Bible tells us that good and evil cannot coexist. Therefore, we must separate ourselves from the people who continue to abuse us so that we can clearly understand the differences between good and evil.

By studying the Bible, talking with mature Christians, and praying for God to make us more like him, we can clear up this misunderstanding that we must learn to live with evil people. We can finally see that whatever opposes God's law or his character is evil. And whatever imitates him is good.

By learning to see God from a more balanced perspective, we can move forward on the road to forgiving by letting go of the people who are evil. In doing this, we learn without a doubt that our God is balanced, offering blessings to those who obey him and punishment for those who oppose him.

Roadblock #2: I am superior to my enemy.
As victims of serious crimes, we often see ourselves as superior to our perpetrators. This attitude always stands in our way of inner peace. As long as we think the entire problem lies with our enemy, we will remain stalled in our quest to forgive.

We must learn to see ourselves as God does, just as faulty on the inside as our enemies. If we are ever going to forgive them, we have to learn what the entire forgiveness process entails. The steps to forgiving mean that we:

-recognize that God's character defines all that is good,
-recognize that whatever opposes God's character is evil,
-admit that we have faults, just as our enemy does,
-humbly ask God to forgive our sins,
-accept God's grace and let go of all guilt,
-turn our life completely around so that we can imitate God better,
-ask others whom we have hurt for their forgiveness, and
-offer restitution to anyone we have hurt.

Roadblock #3: I have to restore the relationship with my enemy.
The biggest roadblock to forgiveness looms before us when we confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. To reconcile means that we put our differences aside and resume a relationship with someone who has hurt us.

Many people assume that if we forgive someone, we have to invite them back into our lives. This is not true. It is perfectly okay for us to remove ourselves permanently from the influence of someone who has hurt us or continues to hurt us. Even if the person who hurt us is a member of our own family, we do not have to invite them back into our lives.

Roadblock #4: I have to teach my enemy how to apologize.
So many victims believe that it is their duty to teach their enemies how to admit their sin, receive God's grace, and change their lives. As victims, we are the last people who should be doing this. We will only be seen as preachy hypocrites in our enemy's eyes. It is far better to pray for them from a distance, asking God to send others to change them. We can never force our enemies into changing so that we can forgive them.

Roadblock #5: I have to tell him, "I forgive you."
Many victims assume that they have to walk up to the criminal who has hurt them and say the words, "I forgive you," even if that person has never accepted responsibilty for his actions, apologized, changed his life, or offered restitution. This assumption hurts both victim and perpetrator.

When a victim tells her perpetrator, "I forgive you," without any forgiveness effort on his part, she sets herself up for further abuse. Many abusers see this pardon as a green light to resume the behaviors that must not have been all that bad. Otherwise, in their minds, the forgiveness would not have been forthcoming.

This type of pseudo-forgiveness hurts the perpetrator, too. It robs him of the opportunity to learn how to humble himself before God and the people he has hurt. It steals away the time he needs to figure out how to accept and give forgiveness.

The best way to handle an unrepentant enemy who has never truly accepted responsiblity for his actions or sincerely apologized for them is to say these words to God alone: "I release my enemy into your hands. I am willing to forgive him when he is ready. Please help him."

The words we may choose to say to our enemies from a distance, either by phone or letter, are these: "You have hurt me. I am willing to forgive you after you have learned what it takes to be forgiven. Until then, we cannot be in a relationship." Enough said. Hang up or sign the letter.

We can only change ourselves.
Third, when we release our enemies, we let go of our need to control the outcome. Instead of spending the rest of our lives focused on how our perpetrator needs to change, we can focus on changing ourselves. In the meantime, we get out of the way so that God can work on our enemy's heart.

We change ourselves by learning as much as we can about God's character, and then we imitate him to the best of our ability. We learn, as I have taught in this series, what it takes to humble ourselves before God and others to offer sincere apologies when we hurt people. We follow up our apologies with offers of restitution, and we try our best to learn a lesson so that we don't repeat the same mistakes.

By focusing on our own need for forgiveness, we let go of our preoccupation with our enemy's need for forgiveness. This frees us to go back and clean up the messes that were caused by the original abuse, such as our anger, fear, lack of trust, low self-esteem, guilt, vengefulness, pride, hatred, and depression.

We should show others how to forgive.
Fourth, we should share these newfound lessons about forgiveness with others. Now that you understand the truth about the forgiveness journey and how you can remove the roadblocks, I hope you'll begin to thrive! When you feel confident, I hope you'll teach the process to others by modeling appropriate forgiveness throughout your life.

I am at peace.
Somewhere along the way, God helped me to let go of the bitterness and anger that I felt toward the people who have deeply hurt me. When I began to pray that he would help me let go of them, my grip on the list of their faults began to loosen.

Today, I am at peace, because I realize that it is not my job to point out my enemies' faults to them. I am the last person they need to hear from regarding how badly they have failed at the forgiveness process. Some therapists advocate confronting abusers to tell them exactly how much they have hurt us. I disagree. God knows what they've done. We can tell him about our hurts and leave our enemies in his capable hands.

I continue to pray that my enemies will learn about the forgiveness process, because it brings such peace. I have released the people who have hurt me into God's hands, and I look forward to the outcomes he is able to bring about in their lives. Perhaps they will come to me someday to show me that they are sincerely sorry. If that happens, we will all rejoice together.

In the meantime, this search for a way to forgive my enemies has led me to the realization that I needed to be humbled. I am not perfect, and I've made a lot of mistakes along the way. Holding onto the pain of my past was hurting me far more than it was helping my enemies to see the error of their ways.

Share your insights about forgiveness with me.
Thank you for taking this road trip with me. I value your feedback, so please post your comments here or send them to me at cheryldenton@rocketmail.com.

Join me next week as we begin my new series, Thriving In God's Garden.

Restitution Makes Our Apologies Sincere

We have just two days remaining in this series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness. We have discovered that asking God to forgive us and apologizing to the people we have hurt helps us to understand what we want our enemies to do. Before we can forgive them, we must figure out how to achieve forgiveness from the people we have wronged.

What is restitution?
The dictionary defines restitution as 1) the act of restoring to the rightful owner soemthing that has been taken away, lost, or surrendered; and 2) the act of making good or compensating for loss, damage, or injury.

The Bible is very clear about how restitution comes into play during the process of forgiving. The Lord said to Moses, "Say to the Israelites: 'When a man or woman wrongs another in any way and so is unfaithful to the Lord, that person is guilty and must confess the sin he has committed. He must make full restitution for his wrong, add one fifth to it and give it all to the person he has wronged.'" (Number 5:5-7 NIV)

This decree was given to ancient Israel to ensure that relationships were restored between the offender and God, as well as between the guilty party and the person he wronged. I really like the fact that this passage shows us that when we hurt someone else, we become unfaithful to God. As our love for God grows, we should become more and more hesitant to hurt others.

God's law remains in effect today. And when it comes to forgiveness, restitution is still an important act. Whenever we offer to repay what we have stolen or spoiled, we open the door to the other person's heart. With an open heart, the person we have wronged becomes more capable of offering us the type of lasting forgiveness that we desire.

How can we offer restitution?
When we apologize to someone, we should freely offer restitution to them so that they know we are sincere. For example, if I borrow my friend's car and crumple the fender while backing into a parking space, I should pay to repair the car. I should add one-fifth to the damages by also providing her with a rental car during the repair period, having her car detailed afterward, or giving her an additional gift of my choosing.

Imagine in this scenario if I merely handed my friend the car keys, said "I'm sorry," and walked away without offering anything else. Our relationship would probably be over. She might burn with anger every time she looked at the dent in her fender. My lack of restitution could actually lead to her sin of repressed anger, revenge, or hatred.

The more we give and the longer we continue giving to someone we have wronged, the more credible we become in the eyes of the person who is trying to forgive us. Remember, restitution is important, because it serves as a salve to the emotional wounds that must be healed before complete forgiveness can be offered.

Restitution is what we are longing for from our enemies.
For those of us who have suffered traumatic events or abuse, forgiveness means that someone makes our enemy repay what he stole from us. Childhood sexual abuse is one of the most costly crimes imaginable, because it robs a child of her trust in humankind, her self-confidence, and her courage. It leaves her in a state of depression that may linger for the rest of her life. What price can we put on such losses?

The court system agrees with psychotherapists that it will generally take a survivor of childhood sexual abuse approximately 7 to 15 years of regular treatment sessions to resume living as the rest of the world does. The out-of-pocket costs for such treatment averages $75 per hour. If a survivor of abuse attends treatment every other week, the cost of treatment ranges from $13,650 to $29,250.

Add to these costs the heavy penalty that the survivor pays throughout her life as she struggles to interact with others. Her fears, low self-esteem, guilt, shame, and depression serve to hamper many of her efforts. She may never achieve all that she had hoped for prior to the abuse. There is no amount of money that can ever restore such profound losses.

With profound loss comes extreme anger and hatred. We have learned how counter-productive these feelings are, but we understand why they are there.

Can you see why the offender offering restitution is so critical? As he pays to restore what was lost, the victim's feelings of anger and hatred subside. Eventually, she will get to a point of feeling that he has done enough. Then, she will be ready to say those all important words, "I forgive you."

Do whatever it takes to restore relationships.
We can choose to do whatever it takes to restore harmony between ourselves and the people we have hurt. In doing so, we help them to forgive us. This is desirable for both of us, because if they can't forgive us, God won't forgive them for their wrongs. We may play a huge part in keeping someone at a distance from God if we don't apologize and make things right. Remember, our sin hurts others, but it also hurts everyone's relationship with God.

Now, we have a complete picture of what forgiveness looks like. We identify God's character, figure out how we have failed, admit our problems to God, ask for his forgiveness, accept his grace, change our ways, ask others to forgive us, and then offer restitution. As you can see, forgiveness is a long process. Tomorrow, we will apply this process to our enemies as we conclude our series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness.

Today's Challenge
In your journal, make a list of the people you have hurt over the years. Begin today to offer apologies and restitution to everyone on your list. While you wait for your enemy to find a way to extend an apology to you, your actions will help you and many others to become restored to God and one another.

Ask Others to Forgive You

My series, Removing the Roadblocks to Forgiveness, offers survivors of abuse and trauma an opportunity to find healing through forgiving others. For the past week, we have been discovering that the best way to learn how to forgive is to look at our own faults and our need for forgiveness. So, today we consider asking someone to forgive us.

How hard can it be to say I'm sorry?
If we have been victims of long-term abuse, it can be almost impossible to admit to another human being that we have made a mistake. In an abusive relationship, such admissions open us up to further abuse.

So, we learn self-preservation by never admitting our wrongs. And we certainly never, ever tell our abuser that we're sorry...unless he's twisting our arm and threatening worse if we don't say those words that we really don't mean.

And after our abusers extract an apology from us, they feel empowered once again. Within days, hours, or minutes, they are back at us with more of the same torture we endured earlier. It's no wonder that we swallow hard and think twice before offering anyone an apology.

We need to learn that it's okay to apologize to some people.
The next step on the road to forgiving others is to ask someone to forgive us. I believe this is the hardest step of all, because it's the riskiest for survivors of abuse.

Let's begin with one important point: the first person to forgive face-to-face should not be the enemy who abused or traumatized us. Like any new learning, that kind of forgiveness begins with baby steps.

So we need to think about someone we have wronged, and we need to consider how we are going to apologize and ask for forgiveness. By beginning with someone safe, we can experience what it feels like to admit our mistake, apologize, and ask for forgiveness. From a normal person, we can expect understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness.

My forgiveness journey began with Joe.
When I married Joe, I don't think I had ever sincerely apologized to anyone in my life. Abuse had ground out any thought of admitting my faults to anyone. So you can imagine my surprise when Joe made mistakes, came to me to admit them, and asked me to forgive him. In the beginning, it was extremely difficult for me to extend forgiveness to him, in spite of the fact that he was apologizing without any pressure from me.

What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just say I forgave Joe? I realized that in an abusive relationship, the minute an abuser offers us an apology, the cycle of abuse begins again. Like Pavlov's dogs, I had been trained to expect abuse if I ever traveled down the road of forgiveness. I couldn't offer it to anyone, and I couldn't ask for it.

Learn to see forgiveness through your enemy's eyes.
We can see by my experience why it may be so difficult for our enemies to ask us for our forgiveness. Perhaps they were abused as children and learned that admitting mistakes brought on more abuse. Maybe no one ever modeled forgiveness for them.

Model forgiveness for your enemy.
Instead of waiting for our enemies to apologize to us, we can make the best move by extending apologies to others. If our perpetrator is within view of us, he may begin to witness forgiveness at work in our lives when we:

1) admit our mistakes to others;
2) apologize;
3) ask for forgiveness; and
4) accept the grace of someone else's forgiveness.

Don't confuse forgiveness with reconciliation.
In most instances, this four-step process will lead to something that everyone confuses with forgiveness: reconciliation. That means we patch up our differences with someone, and we renew the relationship that was upset by whatever we did wrong.

Reconciliation is the number one reason, in my opinion, that survivors of abuse and trauma cannot forgive. They wrongly believe that forgiving means reconciling. If you don't get anything else out of this series, please read the next sentence carefully. Forgiving does not always entail reconciling. We'll learn more about reconciliation on Friday.

Asking for forgiveness helps us to grow.
Over the years, I have learned that forgiving Joe does not result in his abusing me. In fact, it draws us closer together. Because through our mistakes and apologies, we have learned how to conduct ourselves better as marriage partners. Forgiveness has helped us to grow.

Watching how Joe offered forgiveness taught me how to do it, too. It was not easy to learn that I could admit my mistakes, but Joe was patient with me and readily offered grace when I needed it. Without the baby steps of practicing forgiveness with Joe, I could never have reached the point where I am today with others who have hurt me more seriously.

So, if we recognize that we have broken our relationship with God by sinning, we can learn to admit our mistakes to God and to others. When we are living in safe relationships, we may learn new ways to apologize and ask others to forgive us. Tomorrow, we'll learn the importance of offering restitution to those whom we have hurt.

Today's Challenge
Are you a survivor like me who is terrified of extending forgiveness when someone apologizes to you? Are you fearful that admitting your faults and asking for forgiveness will bring about more abuse? If you're in an abusive situation, get to a safe place. Then, start practicing the habits of extending forgiveness and asking for it with people who are capable of doing the same.